Talking Too Much

The Ranker ranking was ungodly. How dare they. They were wrong in so many ways that can’t even be counted. So it’s my turn. Time to fix it.

The first step is to recognize the difference between “recurring characters” and “oneoffs”. Some oneoffs may appear in future or more than one gags (Garrett/Jarrett wasn’t even mentioned) but they were listed, so I have to relist.

One Offish Characters

9. The TSN Sports Anchors - Not bad people, I’m sure, but these situations they appeared in were literally based on Tanis’s speeches (the females) and the joke set up by Jean Jacques Francois Jacque Jean. So they are the bottom spot.

8. Native Hockey Coach - Again, not a bad dude, but only a yang to Tanis’s Yan.

7. The Matchmaker - Why was she listed? The only reason she even got a nod higher here is that she gave me (and viewers I’m sure) a chance to really see some fun in characters (I’ll never look at baseball the same again)

6 Sled Ted/Jivin’ Pete I get it. They helped establish the show. But not great characters at all. 

5. Big City Slams: They were good people too (sorry, I’m a boy) and helped Stuart become more than just a nobody, and that good lovin’ became a part of my daily speech for a while. But they are just a gag on “we’re hot.”

4. Dyck Sisters: God in Heaven, they ranked too many characters. But dick jokes are funny and their parents appeared more than once.

3. Wally: Started the Native trend. Gets points for that.

2. Hard Right Jay: This was a fun episode, and I really like this guy (the actor). He was a sad representation of what the US really is, and a good character in the show.

1. RatAss: The king of the one off characters. “Let’s get to it, Knock off Wolverine” makes me laugh every time and I think it’s a real life point.

Actual Characters

46. The Models - I love a pun gag more than most (I’m a dad), but I didn’t like the idea that “Katie Fucks” was being thrown in Wayne’s face. The idea was always a “yeah, it’s happening, but we won’t talk about it”.

45. Tania’s Crew - Again, like some of the one offs, Tanis’s opposites weren’t the greatest depth, but good still...but not alone.

44. Brodude Twins - Not a fan. But hey, I’m a guy.

43. Angie - Here’s why Angie is so low...she was unused. I feel she could have been central as a “not Wayne” character, but she pops in and out randomly. And she messed up the senior whaleshit hockey team.

42. The Newfoundland Hockey Players: I laughed. You laughed. It was a blast to see the chirping go the other way. But not the deepest gag of the show and definitely not worth Ranker’s situation.

41. The Brodude leader: Honestly, isn’t she quite the chauvinistic human? Other than that, you can almost predict her lines. And I don’t like that.

40. Quebeck Hicks: I loved the idea. I smiled. I said “Look at French Squirrely Dan!” But otherwise, not much contribution.

39. Jean Jacque Francois Jacque Jean: He only got his own separate because I see him in the finale of season 9. And I hate his name is so stereotypical, but I dig.

38. Alexander: The TERLETS! Hahah But yeah, just a start.

37. Devon: The leader of the Skids when Stuart was “away”...still didn’t do much for me. But I don’t think the Skids are great characters anyway.

36. Bradley: OK, probably should have been in the oneoff category, but man...that was a great episode. I’ll race Squirrely right now! Tito get me a tissue!

35. Gae: Man, a whole season to try to grow the skids and still didn’t do it for me. But the “why do you rebel” was a part of my life for a few drunken nights.

34. Ellen: Dude, I wish she was on screen more. A lot of Squirrely Dan’s growth was wrapped in her and yet, she was in like 2 episodes. Sigh.

33. Anik: The reason Scottie got such a high vote, but she dropped because well, chauvanism.

32. Cousin Jake: It was nice to have an American in the show. For real. And he made an impact. But so many other characters!

31. Dax: I had to separate them only because of Katie’s reaction during the matchmaking episode. But yeah, they are both down here.

30. Ron: See above, only without that reaction.

29. Girl Hockey players: I loved it. It’s fun to make fun of girls for being promiscuous. But we’re getting into really influential territory and they don’t have the “we were there to start” points.

28. Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players: See above. I love my Senior Whaleshit Hockey Players like I love my ex-wife: 28th on the list.

27. Scottie Wallis: I still say YEW when I see cute girls. If he had been in more than 2 episodes.

26. The Ginger: I mean, the first accused of ostrich-fucking became Squirrely Dan’s catch phrase. I have a shirt that says “allegedly” and I say it also frequently.

25. Boots: I mean, you’d need at least 2 people to smash an ostrich.

24. Noah Dyck: I had to separate them. He was good, but wasn’t as good as his other half.

23. Dierks: Man. Have I ever wanted to fight someone more. Katie believed in him and he was the American infiltration to this smalltown. Sigh. We all learn...

22. Anita Dyck: She gets a higher ranking because she was “human”. She had no time for Daryl’s crap and was still doing her best to stay trure.

21. Rosie: Look, she’s doing good for Wayne. And I like some color in my white TV. But they are forcing good lines to her, and she doesn’t really deserve them.

20. Roald: I don’t like how much we make fun of him as a sub. But he’s there. And has been. He’s winning only on longevity.

19. Gayle: Lots of fighting on this one. I love Gayle’s character. Horny. Small Business owner. Basically me in all my dreams. Again, we’re getting tough here.

18. Mrs. McMurray: I think of her more when I think of “ugh...the lifestyle” than I do her husband. But she seems to be phasing out of the show, and that’s sad. Cause she could get it.

17. McMurray: Dude, his speech on what average penis length is should have absolutely given him top billing, but they have again started phasing him out. Sigh.

16. Stewart: The leader of the skids does deserve top billing. They aren’t my favorite characters though, and I’m not the biggest fan.

15. Marie Fred: I was more sad for this betrayal than a lot of TV betrayals I’m used to. And that’s new for me. But they gave her Rosie type lines while she was dating him and gave her an out. That’s good stuff.

14. Tyson: Tyson is good people. But his intro to the show is what separates and lowers him from his compadre.

13. Glen: My favorite uncomfirmed gay in the show. Longevity (cause well, he’s a writer) and always present in good story connecting arcs (again, the dating episode for Wayne really put him on for me)

12. Jimmie Dickens: My second round of watching all the seasons made me love Jimmie Dickens more than others. I said “400% bullshit round here” at work once, and everyone agreed.

11. Joint Boy: Joint Boy’s initial monologue before fighting Wayne separates him from Tyson, also the way he kicked a guy in the nuts before steaks.

10. Tanis: We are getting in the weeds now. I love Tanis. 10/10 would recommend. The crap she gives Wayne for simply crossing his legs is both legendary and amazing. BUTTTT...she’s also quite...unrefined. Both as a character and as a person. She shouldn’t be so...lost, right?

9. Coach: I freaking love Coach. “F***ing embarrassing” has become a part of my normal life. The barb episode and the beer league hockey were great additions to the show. I want my oreos.

8. BONNIE MCMURRAY. If you didn’t say it like that, you don’t understand.

7. Jonesy: Dude, he’s a real one. Created so many new terms in my vocab for no reason. The only reason he’s lower:

6.: Reilly: Doesn’t have a treasure trail. But a great spot.

5. Darry: I wish, for real, they didn’t beat him up so much. But Banana Boat is not a cologne, Dary!

4. Katy: I hope she’s not upset about literally being the “hot girl with problems”, but they do it good on this show.

3. Squirrley Dan: My dog. My truth. My spirit animal. He’s only not #1 because he has to correct and adjust the rest of the cast. DON’T MAKE ME SHOW YOU WHAT IT MEANS TO GET ROWDY! (Dan voice)

2. Wayne: Yeah, he’s great. No qualms here.

1. Shores. My Australian friends call me “Rossy”, in case you were wondering where the “y” comes from. But man Shoresy is hands down the best character in the show. I hope, and pray, they don’t ever make him “vulnerable”. Just let him be!

Day 1: Opening Day

Man, it was so good to go from “theoretical” to “actual”. All the things I have been “practicing” or planning for a classroom I was able to see what actually worked and what didn’t.

Pure Positive:

Meeting the Kids

There’s nothing like teaching when it comes to meeting new people. It was even better on Zoom, honestly, because as people came on their videos, I could see their faces smiling and lighting up. I think it’s akin to those TV screens you see at NBA/WWE shows. Pure reaction. Pure fun.

Semi-Positive:

Kids have personality. That seems like obvious news, but it was fun to go into the classroom and breakout rooms and sort of get a little personality out of some of them.

Semi-Negative:

Those same breakout rooms are not able to be monitored as a whole. COME ON ZOOM!

Very Negative:

If you share a window, then close that window, Zoom just shares another window with the same executable (i.e. it showed my other chrome window when I closed the slides). It was not OK...it could have gone horrible!

Your favorite league had a wonderfully competitive week 1! Although the biggest blowout was 34 points, 2 games were settled by less than 10 points and 4 of the 5 weren’t settled until Monday night!

CheckTheX Championship Match: Ronnie retains!

After Baker Mayfield (performance), Tyreke Hill (injury) and Mike Evans (performance) scored 17 points between them, his team was carried by MVP candidate Christian McCaffrey, Most Improved Player candidate Derrick Henry, and Rookie of the Year candidate Josh Jacobs.  Ryan got no help from Big Ben and JuJu (a reason to never pair a QB with a WR), and Cousin’s 10 pass performance win really hurts Diggs value this week and going forward. And how dare I pick against his special teams. 27 points from Kicker/Defense.

Next week, Ronnie defends the belt against newcomer Felicia, who has yet to name her team. That should be minus points.

Rookie Performances

Speaking of Felicia, her team (which was autodrafted) scored the fewest points in the league. With only 2 players in her lineup scoring over 15 points (one was a kicker) and 5 scoring under 7. Had Dale played anyone else in the league, he would have lost. Tamara, on the other hand, came up .6 points short from scoring the most points in the league. Her unnamed team, was helped by getting first pick (Barkley), but she got help from picks that came much later in the draft, including 20 from Engram and Hilton. Where did her opponent, Kevin, finish? Only #3. Lastly:

Commish takes down #1 projected Rookie

After going 12-3-1, I feel even better about this week’s games. I mean, who had Tennessee being THAT good? What about the tie in the desert? And let’s not talk about the Raiders. Well, we’ll have to, but still.

Note: If you are picking survivor teams, you go down the list if you already used that team. So far, I have used the Chiefs.

Patriots over Dolphins (Survivor)

Can you have a better “practice” game with a crazy Antonio Brown? Even if he misses some games later in the season, he’ll get to run crazy this game. Miami stinks. 19 points is a lot to give up, and I’m inclined to take it (if you put a gun to my head), but I just stay away from betting it.

Chargers over Lions

Did you know that Detroit was in the Eastern Time Zone? So this counts as one of those games again...and the Rams pulled it out but barely. The Chargers are playing a much worse team than the Panthers. So give me the Chargers minus the points.

Chiefs over Raiders

Broncos put up an offensive stinker and still stayed competitive...ish...with these Raiders. Even with the Tyreke Hill injury, the Chiefs perform handidly.

Texans over Jags

Houston is pissed. They won and lost a game in the craziest fashion seen in a while. And sadly, BDN is injured and the Jags are going with a guy nobody heard of before he did carve up the defense a little. Still, give me Houston, but 9 points is a lot. No bet.

Ravens over Cardinals

My love of the Cardinals was quickly crushed after that first 3 quarters against the Lions. Sure, they showed promise, but I don’t think they have what it takes to stop a Ravens team with some strong run game. But 2 touchdowns is too much.

Cowboys over Redskins

The Redskins looked better than expected last week, but so did the Cowboys. And that’s going from a 2 to a 3 compared to a 6 to a 8. Cowboys should roll on the road and I’ll give up the points.

Panthers over Bucs

I almost used this game as my Survivor game, but there is news about Cam Newton making fantasy jokes about his Offensive Coordinator which makes me believe the game plan will change. So they’ll win, but it’ll not be as amazing as it was Sunday against a superstar Rams team.

---- We’re in Coin Flip Territory Now. Bet at your own risk ---

Titans over Colts

When people said the Colts were a Super Bowl contender this year (before the retirement) I chuckled. Well, I chuckled a little less harder when they took my Super Bowl pick to overtime. But man did Tennessee punish Cleveland.

49ers over Bengals

I’m so confused at who is real after a week, so I’m sticking with my preseason predictions. But the 49ers were not very impressive, so man.

Vikings over Packers

I mean, another one. Did the Packers offense fall that far? Did the Vikings offense change so much they win with Cousins throwing 10 passes? I have no idea, but since the Packers got some love on the road last week, going to go the other way this time.

Giants over Bills

Which bad team was worst last week? Has to be the bills right because the Jets are sorry and they barely won. So I’m going to go with the Giants, but I don’t want to.

Browns over Jets

Can I just say ditto? The Titans could be legit, but the Bills definitely are not.

Seahawks over Steelers

This is the upset to me...although the Steelers are favored I think they showed their colors to the Patriots. They had all the reason to get up and they did not. Meanwhile, the Seahawks did get up. So let me take em and the points.

Falcons over Eagles

The Bird battle shows again, but this time those Falcons that went to Minnesota will get a better matchup. The Eagles didn’t show up against the Redskins until late and I think the Falcons are better than those guys, so another upset is more than possible.

Rams over Saints

Saints had a Monday night game then have to travel to the West. So they are used to playing late, but what a schedule they start with. This week, people know that Gurley won’t be running as much, but nobody knows what he’ll do going forward. Trade him in fantasy, pick the Rams here.

Broncos over Bears

I’m still a little salty after the Raiders put the Broncos out back. But I can be professional!

Team Stocks

Straight up: 12-3-1, against the spread: 8-8, Survivor (Chiefs, correct)

Right Right (This is a truth you can bank on for the rest of the season): I, like everyone, was surprised at how bad MIami was. We knew bad, but will they go 0-16? Looks like it now.

Right Wrong (I missed the pick, but this is a real team): The Texans looked much better (or Saints Defense worse) than I expected, and I expected a division victory. But the Colts played well, too. And Nicky Foles is hurt. And well...

Wrong Right (This team is not who you think they are): The Titans rolled the Browns and well...no one knows anything about either team. Gonna need another week of hype to figure it out, especially with the Browns being on Monday Night.

Wrong Wrong (This team is not who you think they are, because they are better): I don’t think the Broncos are that bad, but that’s not the Wrong Wrong I wanted to mention. The Panthers looked good, even with Christian McCaffrey high kneeing people.

Fantasy Football

5 - 3 (lost one game by .12, won one by .25)

Right Right: As mentioned, Run CMC is legit. If you got him anywhere after the first 2, cash in your championship. If you got him at 1/2, it might take one trade.

Right Wrong: Todd Gurley is broken. Is it a play or is it a real thing? People say McVay is a genius, so maybe this is how he protects an investment. 97 yards is good, but giving away 2 TDs is sad.

Wrong Right: With the Tyreke Hill injury, I have to say that Sammy Watkins could be a real stud. But I think this would have been a one off had Hill stayed healthy. 

If this is your first time reading, the CheckTheX Championship is a weekly matchup between two teams, one is the champion, one the challenger, similar to championships found in professional combat sports. The player with the championship at the end of the regular season receives a playoff spot, regardless of record.

It’s week 1! The first matchup for the CheckTheX championship begins now! Completely unbiased, I will take a look at the matchup and make my prediction on who I think will win!

Owners:

This matchup is between two of the more prolific winners in Top Shelf history. The reigning champion, Ronnie, comes into the matchup being last year’s winner, and Ryan, who has yet to finish outside of the money positions in his Top Shelf run. But since it’s week 1, I can only go by who I think put together the best draft. Ronnie picked Elliot prior to him signing his contract and Nick Chubb to back it up. It was dangerous, but worked out.

Advantage: Ronnie

Quarterbacks:

As much as the hype train is full of folks for Cleveland, Baker Mayfield’s rookie campaign was not horrible...but the sub 2:1 TD/INT ratio is something to be afraid of. Adding weapons is nice, though. In the other corner, Old Man Roethlisberger starts a new year without the drama queen at WR.

Advantage: Ryan

Running Backs:

Both of these guys have one guy I really like and another guy I think will stink. McCaffrey could be 2017 Le’Veon Bell level, and David Johnson could be 2016 David Johnson level. Meanwhile, I have pure chagrin for Derrick Henry and Damien Williams, as neither of which has proven much at all. Ronnie has Josh Jacobs at flex, which can’t be the most unproven commodity in the league right now...good or bad.

Advantage: Ronnie

Pass Catchers:

This one is much easier to pick, and it’s not even based on the draft or projections. I’m all for Tyreke Hill, and I think he will outscore his projection. But I do not like Mike Evans (and he’s hobbled), Donte Moncrief, or David Njoku (I never play a QB and his receiver, either). I believe most of Ryan’s pass catchers will outscore everyone but Tyreke Hill, and I even think Greg Olsen could do it as well.

Advantage: Ryan

Special Teams/Defense:

Ryan is playing an all Rams special teams. I can’t support that. Rams Defense is not the highlight of the world, and 4 extra points doesn’t set the world on fire. Meanwhile, I think the Dallas Defense will pitch a 3 point performance, with a couple picks on Eli. Add in Butker, and it’s a victory.

Advantage: Ronnie

Yahoo Projection: Ronnie

Are you in a survivor league? A Pick ‘Em League? A fun “I told you Tony was right” league? Then here are your picks!

Survivor: Chiefs (over Jags)

I feel like the Chiefs will be the best regular season team we’ve seen since a different regular season team we’ll see this year. Take them early to get a quick one up on the competition. I’ll also take them and give up the 3.5 points, if you’re betting against the spread.

Seahawks over Bengals

If you read my season writeup, you’ll know I really dislike the Bengals this year. New coach, new scheme...into Seattle? No thanks. 9 points is too much, though...so I’d take Bengals +9.

49ers over Bucs

I don’t know why people are giving the Bucs a chance. New coach, same Jameis Winston, and no running game. Give me the Bay straight up, and I’ll even take the point.

Eagles over Redskins

If you saw my article on fantasy and my article on predicting the season, then I appreciate you and you’re the real MVP. Give me the Eagles and I’ll even shade the 10 points.

Rams over Panthers

One of those typical “West Coast teams comes East” games that has no real merit, and the Rams prove it. I know the Rams will win by more than a field goal, so I’ll give up the 2.5 as well.

Ravens over Dolphins

The only game to go against my “prove it or lose it” theory, but maybe it doesn’t; I think the Dolphins are going to prove “it’s easy to tank for a QB you want in 2 years.”

Chargers over Colts

The ONLY thing that gives me cause to worry is the state of the Chargers offensive line. But Rivers has been running for 14 years now, so he’ll be fine. I can see a touchdown victory here, so I’ll give the points.

Cowboys over Giants

I made this pick before the Elliot news, but now that it’s after I’m more sure about this than the Ravens pick. Cowboys handily at home. I’ll give up a touchdown and still win.

Cardinals over Lions

I don’t know if I”m seriously high on the Cardinals (high as everyone else, I guess) or seriously down on the Lions (low as they can be). And for some reason they are favored! Give me the Redbirds and the points.

Broncos over Raiders

I had this as the pick before “that tiger went tiger”, but Denver’s line is moving further in their direction, which scares me. But as long as it stays a field goal, give me the Broncos and I’ll give up the points. Our (Broncos) offense is a little...suspect.

Saints over Texans

This should be higher seeing as it’s in the dome, but Houston also plays in a dome. So the sound might not be too bad for them. That being said, Saints are on a redemption tour. This will have a PI call that everyone is pissed about, though.

Browns over Titans

We’re in the serious coin-flip category, even though vegas has Cleveland -5.5. I will take the Browns straight up (I really dislike Mariota as an NFL QB), but I think it’s closer than a touchdown.

Vikings over Falcons

Again, prove it tour for Kirk Cousins. Although the Falcons will be a formidable opponent, almost good enough to win. Vikings on a field goal, which means I’ll take the Falcons against the spread.

Packers over Bears

Thursday night football! I could be already wrong by the time this posts, but at least I picked it! Give me the points too! No reason other than Rodgers makes himself the head coach against a Bears team that lost their DC (and arguably, defensive genius).

Jets over Bills

I don’t know what to think of either of these teams, so I’m going to bet on the one that solidified their RB position versus the one that cut theirs. I’ll give up the points too.

Patriots over Steelers

I’m having some serious issues with my editing software, so we’re doing this text style!

This week’s list is all “prove it or lose it”. The preseason and draft hype is over and now it’s time to put product on the field. You might think...”I drafted these guys first, they’re in my starting lineup” and you’d be right. Play it safe. It’s seriously how the Patriots win all the time. But also, sometimes you risk, and that’s how you end up being the Eagles, or the Giants. I’m not saying they will be #1 scorers at their position for the week, but if you’re iffy on someone’s matchup, play these guys.

Jarvis Landry

If anyone is more prove it or lose it (other than the Raiders, HAHAHAHA #ftr) it’s the Browns. Can any team be more hyped right now? And to that effect, I’m going with the “#2″ receiver on this team. OBJ will be doubled (I would if I was TEN) so Landry should be open across the middle for lots of catches. Bonus points for PPR.

Kyler Murray

“This guy couldn’t win with Patrick Mahomes at QB in the Big 12, what makes you think he can win with Kyler Murray at QB in the NFC West, where defenses are tougher?” There are lots wrong with this sentence, but people say it a ton. Arizona gets to play against Detroit! And Kingsbury will be putting his offense, including Larry Fitzgerald, on display.

Duke Johnson Jr.

OK...who’s the starting RB in Houston right now? Probably Deshaun Watson, right? But let me tell you...this guy has more to prove than the whole team. He asked out of Cleveland because he knew that Hyde/Kareem Hunt (post suspension) would be seen higher and got his wish. Then Hyde comes to Houston. But he’s had a chance to prove his stuff to the coaches before his competition and should show that in week 1 versus a Saints Defense that will be loading up against the pass.

Jordan Howard

A bellcow back in Chicago, although nothing flashy, in a new offense with some real pressure. That’s not prove it enough, right? How about the Eagles offering him and picks for Melvin Gordon? Oh, that’s prove it all over it. He’ll rack up the yards and a TD against a woeful Redskins team.

Dallas D

Who has Dallas starting this week, and in a league with less than 16 people? You should answer that with “me”. Dallas gets to play the Giants, and while stopping Saquan is a really tough ask, stopping (insert garbage NYG WR here) is easy. Eli will give them the ball twice. And the Boys are going to wear Zeke out since they paid him, whether he is good or not, meaning a low scoring game and defensive points.

Emmanuel Sanders

Homer pick, sure. But coming off of an injury in 2018-2019, Sanders (and Flacco) will be lighting up the receiving situation while Noah Fant clears out the middle and Courtland Sutton goes deep. Look for lots of screens (PPR!) and some impressive cuts from Emmanuel Sanders.

Ah. What a good weekend. I love Labor Day weekend. I am fortunate enough to have at least 3 days off every year, and I tend to fill them up with College Football games and fantasy football drafts. And well, inebriation. That’s an easy sponsorship goal right there. Well, it’s time to look forward. Way forward. This is how the NFL season will play out. I won’t even take the normal disclaimers. Depth is something good teams have…so if you’re injured, maybe your season shouldn’t tank completely!

First 4 Weeks

One important and yet kind of overlooked portion of the NFL season is the schedule. Yes, the schedule has to happen and yes, we knew “who” would play, and even “where”. But the “when” is the most important part of the season.

Still undefeated: Patriots, Chiefs, Chargers, Packers, Cardinals, Rams, 49ers

See? The Cardinals have vsDET, atBAL, vsCAR, vsSEA. Yes, those games will be tough but after Kyler Murray gets confidence against the Lions and wins a 13-7 game against the Ravens, a hobbled Cam Newton and a tough yet offensively sort of…challenged…Seahawks team gives them 4 to open the season.

Still looking for a W: Bengals, Raiders, Dolphins, Redskins, Buccaneers, Lions

This could be blown up by week one if somehow the Raiders and Lions win in week 1, but I doubt it. And can the Dolphins tank any harder?

Games to watch:

TEN vs. CLE (1): This has to be the game of the opening weekend. 2nd in competitive expectations (GB@CHI) but 1st in media coverage. The Titans are not good. Are the Browns? You could also say that for DEN@OAK, but that’s biasness.

NO vs. LAR (2): Rematch of the NFC Championship. In LA. I mean, I’ll be watching.

Weeks 5 – 8

Still undefeated: Chargers, Patriots, Chiefs, Rams

See week 6 for the Chargers and week 8 for the Chiefs. But I think they both pull it out. And look at the schedule and tell me where the Patriots can lose?

Still looking for a W: Bengals, Raiders, Redskins, Buccaneers

I feel bad for the Redskins. I really like Adrian Peterson but man that team just isn’t any good. Case Keenum can eat a D.

Games to watch:

GB vs. DAL (5): This game will tell us who either team really is. The Packers are coming in hot; the Cowboys probably get Zeke back for this game.

PIT vs. LAC (6): In front of all the Steeler fans, can P. Rivers win an away home game? Last year the Chargers were amazing on the road, so can they bring it home?

Week 9 – 13

Still undefeated: Chargers, Patriots, Rams

The Chargers are the ones that I have the hardest time putting here. They got a tough home schedule…but it’s a home schedule!

Still looking for a W: Buccaneers, Bengals

I had to remind myself to find 3 players on the Buccaneers team not named Jameis Winston or Mike Evans. It was tough.

Games to Watch:

GB vs. LAC (9): See the writeup about PIT vs. LAC (6)

ATL vs. NO (10): This depends on how good you think the Falcons are despite their schedule woes. I think it’s a hot game.

NE vs. PHI (11): An old revenge game. But this time it’s Wentz instead of BDN. Still, give it to the Pats.

KC vs. LAC (11): Some of that inner division rivalry stuff. I’m going with the Chargers again though. Theme!

Week 14 – 17

Still undefeated: Pats and Rams finish the season 16-0. You heard it here!

Still looking for a W: And the Bengals finish without a win. Talk about NFL parity!

Games to Watch:

KC vs. NE (14): If there was a “de facto AFC championship game” that didn’t involve the Chargers, this is it. I’m excited, and somehow Sunday Night Football didn’t get this one!

CLE vs. ARI (15): Battle of the last two Heismans! I mean, it has to be OK right?

AFC Playoff Picture (17):

The NFL does it again, gets themselves a few week 17 matchups with some of the greatest playoff implications! With a win, SD gets homefield through the playoffs and everyone comes to StubHub! And the Chiefs are locked into the 5 seed no matter what…I think they win (so they can play them again if all is right in the world). Pittsburgh, needs to win in Baltimore to lock up the 3 seed (and avoid KC), and yet Baltimore needs a win to make the playoffs!

NFC Playoff Picture (17):

And on the other side of the coin, the NFC games have beef too! The Eagles, Cardinals, Vikings, and 49ers all need wins to make the playoffs! Plus, some crazy dancing to play one of those teams in the playoffs!

Wild Card Round:

KC@PIT: Chiefs run away with this one. Silly NFL seeding plan.

BAL@HOU: This will be a good game. I feel like this is where the Texans soft schedule and trading Jadeveon Clowney will backfire as BAL runs nuts on the ground.

MIN@GB: The closest game of the weekend, but the Packers pull it out with a little Rodgers magic.

PHI@DAL: The most boring game of the weekend. Dallas goes nuts as PHI runs 7 fly routes for 5 interceptions to Desean Jackson.

Divisional Round:

KC@LAC: To the chagrin of nobody, Andy Reid comes up short in the playoffs again. They will have 0 running game and the Chargers are planning to play prevent cover 3.

BAL@NE: Silly Ravens.

DAL@NO: Silly Cowboys.

GB@LAR: Another tough tough game. But this time Rodgers can’t run for his life all game and have success. Home field advantage!

Conference Championships:

LAC@NE: This is the one that finally ticks. Rivers finally misses 4 of his 9 kids’ winter recitals and has to do things for 2 weeks in January as he prepares for the Super Bowl!

NO@LA: Remember week 2? Run it back. And this time, Drew Brees lights up the Hollywood sky. Unfortunately, the levees break again and a good 54 – 48 loss breaks his soul.

Super Bowl:

Hello friends, family, and fans of the La Jolla Finest! Today I will be taking a deep dive into the recorded statistics from this weeks Tecolote Tournament and handing kudos to some of the players. (Acronym definitions at the bottom)

**NOTE: The Stats and Records bureau will improve their work in 2 areas:

1) Fielding. I was not the greatest at changing who played where during different innings and as a result, the fielding statistics are not very accurate.

2) Baserunning. The difference between “stolen base”, “passed ball” and “advanced on wild pitch” is important for and against pitching statistics.

Being at the Plate

The statistical MVP was without a doubt “The Big Cat” Brody C. Leading the team in all the major hitting categories, and only second in QABs, Brody continues to do big work from the cleanup spot. Maybe I’ll change his nickname to “The Big Cleanup” instead!

When I said he was second in QABs, the person he didn’t catch was “The Gold AR” Anthony R.  Out of 8 plate appearances, 7 qualified for QABs. He also leads the team in “pitches seen per AB”. Additionally, he ties for first on the team with “2 out RBIs”. I couldn’t write an article without mentioning my son, right?

So when I told Anthony this last stat, he said “It’s all thanks to Nicholas”. And its fair to say that’s top level awareness, because “The CH” Nicholas H. is tied for the team lead in walks, and more importantly, leads the team batting average with runners in scoring position. That is absolutely huge as at this age, when a kid gets on base, they have to score to compete.

Being on the Mound

Different than batting, not everyone is asked to pitch. Only those who are reliably throwing good pitches are even put on the mound. Being asked to pitch the most innings on the team is a great indicator. BUT...being asked to pitch the most innings on the team AND throwing the least pitches per inning is one feat to admire. So when “Chocolate” Charlie S. goes to the mound, the team behind him knows he’s going to get through it, also putting up the highest strike percentage and second best team ERA.

I often yell a catchphrase when seeing this kid on the mound...”You can’t spell (insert last name) without Ks!” Well, I now will be changing that to “You can’t spell WHIP without W!” As stated earlier, keeping kids off base is how games are won, and Wyatt R. is handily the team leader. His .818 is leading the NL in the Major Leagues! Although he’s not old enough just yet.

And who gets the old slogan? Well, you can’t spell (insert last name) without Ks! Matty B. is not only the team leader in strikeouts, but has the second lowest Batting average against and batting average against balls in play. So he’s either getting you at the plate, or getting you at first!

Moving on to Fallbrook

Initially, you may see 0-3 in a tournament as a bad thing. And because this city is use to the Padres, we might be use to that. But the stats say a completely different story...

Our “Best Player” vs. Their “Best Player”

Let’s say we live in a world where we could remove their best hitter and pitcher, but we have to give up ours as well. In a simulation that sees us lose Brody (at the plate) and Charlie (on the mound), our team would destroy. This tells me that there are one or two moments in the game that are turning things against us that will fall our way in the future.

Midgame Slump

Our midgame slump, call it 3-4-5 innings, seems to coincide with our opponents best innings. WE as fans have to get more involved to get them to play at their beginning game and end game levels!

Also, what do you guys think of the La Jolla Jacks! (A jack is another word for a homerun in baseball, and we could use this image for logos!)

An AB is an At-Bat...anytime a player approaches the plate to bat.

A “quality at bat”, or QAB, is defined as: 6 pitches total, 3 pitches AFTER being at 2 strikes, a Hard HIt Ball, a Walk, or a Sacrifice. 

ERA is Earned Run Average. This is a complicated pitcher stat, but it is used generally to show the team effectiveness of a pitcher.

I didn’t like the CQCT Concept. So I’ll post my picks for the week and talk about how I felt.

Baltimore over CINCINNATI, Value: 6

I guess I can’t be too mad. I thought the Ravens would go 6-0 but finish 7-9. We’ll call this one of those losses, as the Bengals did show an amazing presence.

NEW ORLEANS over Cleveland, Value: 14

Ew. If I got a second shot at Survivor, I would have picked this game, and almost choked on my own pride. The Saints may not be who I thought they were...or maybe Cleveland is ready to not be Cleveland.

PITTSBURGH over Kansas City, Value: 1

I recognized KC’s week 1 (and Pittsburgh’s) showing and put the lowest possible points on this game. And I was right. Who are the Steelers now? The Bengals?

NY JETS over Miami, Value: 3

Another one where I felt week one was a no-value. Miami played for 10 hours and the Jets played the Lions. I’m not mad at losing that one, but well...Miami is division leaders.

LA Chargers over BUFFALO, Value: 11

Yeah. Buffalo is that bad that I bet that hard on the Chargers.

WASHINGTON over Indianapolis, Value: 9

Ugh. In my Stock report, I downgrade the Skins big after this game. At HOME? AGAINST INDY? Cost me big. What happened to their run game? Who plays WR?

Houston over TENNESSEE, Value: 10

This one hurt me more than the one above. That last play, which sure, might not have had a chance, showed me that Houston is not even worthy of a playoff spot.

Philadelphia over TAMPA BAY, Value: 15

Is TB for real? I mean, I thought Philly’s defense was good? Is Fitzpatrick the new Tom Brady? I have so many questions and so many lost points.

Minnesota over GREEN BAY, Value: 5

A tie cost me half points, but I’m OK with it. These teams are super even, and I was less confident in either team. Still see the Vikes going farther in the playoffs, but this will be a good division race to watch.

ATLANTA over Carolina, Value: 4

I won. But don’t count the Panthers out. They have double sided talent.

SAN FRANCISCO over Detroit, Value: 8

I often think that Bellicheck lets his assistants get jobs, just so they can fail a franchise and come running back to him. Matt Patricia is next.

LA RAMS over Arizona, Value: 16

HAHAHAHAHAHA. Hate to be a Cardinals fan right now.

DENVER over Oakland, Value: 13

I believe a pass rush is what wins in the NFL right now. And Denver has that. It wasn’t pretty, but it worked.

New England over JACKSONVILLE, Value: 7

Where I thought Jags defense would be stiff, no idea the offense would put up points to keep up. That locker room must be lit!

DALLAS over NY Giants, Value: 2

Ew. Not talking about either team.

CHICAGO over Seattle, Value: 12