pairing: minjae x original character
What happens when things remembered by only two is lost by by the tragic death of one; furthermore, what happens when the other has forgotten? This is a story about the memories that have been lost to the world, and how what once was happy can now be heart shattering.
TW: rape/sa, major character death
The car was flipping, he couldn't help but think this would be the last time he'd ever be with her. looking over he saw her holding her signature smile. Same she wore when was happily spinning, showing off the new dress her mom bought her. The same smile that she proudly showed off whenever he would offer to buy her one of the items she ogled at. The same smile she bore in so many instances, a smile that filled his memories, one he never wanted to forget.
She looked at him, holding the smile steady, and stared into his eyes, eyes that saw her happily jump when he offered her those shoes she couldn't afford. Eyes that watched her graduate, watched her play soccer with her team, watched her cry and trembled. They both shared the memories that needed to be shared by two, the childhood and 20 years worth of the life of two shared in those memories. They were so precious to each other, each holding a portion of the other's life time in their head; a portion that no one else would know.
“I love you Minjae,” she whispered, closed her eyes, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
The car hit a tree, then another. The car was slipping down the side of a mountain covered in woods. A realization hit him; she knew she wouldn't make it, that this really would be the last time they saw each other.
He screamed, disbelief sinking in and tears slipping out. “No, no, no, don’t do this,” his words gradually turned to a whisper. His vision became blurry and he wasn't sure if it was because of the tears or if he was losing consciousness.
Nevertheless that would be the last time he saw her, as well as the last time he'd ever remember her.
Marie was esthetic, three practice games and she hadn't lost once. Maybe he was being easy on her or maybe he just wasn’t very good at this game. Either way Marie was enjoying herself while reigning in a bigger ego than she already had.
"Loser," she screamed, using her thumb and index finger to form an L over her head. She loved to boast, something about being better than others made her heart beat quicker and she couldn't help but have a smile brighter than 300 hundred stars. It worked out for the both of them because as long as she was smiling he was happy too.
They were 14, getting ready to enter high school the next year; both in their first year together. They had been best friends since they were as little as four, born about a month apart, while their parents were closer than any other friends. They grew up side by side, glued at the hip. Never once had their bond faltered. It was to a point that their parents would joke and say they were soulmates, lifes already written in the stars.
They were quite the pair too:
He was the voice of reason and she was the idiot who didn't listen, but it worked because when she would fall into the pool, or slip on black ice he'd always be there to pick her up and walk her home. That's how they worked, but it wasn't just her that was helped. When ever need be, she'd be there to put a smile on his face and his laugh in the air. She kept him in high spirits no matter what he went through. Its how they had always been.
They may not even know how to survive without the other, only ever knowing what it's like to be together. They only know how to rely on each other, nothing less.
Although they would be separated this next year, Marie had soccer and choir and he had art and philosophy, their interests differed too much for them to be in the same classes so they had long started coping with the information that they'd have to be apart. It's not like they could be glued at the hip literally, so they'd have to deal with having less time to spend together.
Of course most would think it's dramatic but let's not forget they were still children, smaller matters could feel colossal.
Today was to be a special day, it was decided, she was to bake a cake without instructions and give it to him for his birthday. Birthdays were never super special to him but she made a point of forcing him to enjoy the day a little more than he enjoyed most days; which wasn't a very hard challenge, scene as she was the one doing it. If she's there he can find it in himself to enjoy the day, missing father or no missing father.
Of course the birthday boy has to be there to watch the creation of his own wonderful masterpiece, so here they were. Marie was caked in batter, flour, eggs, and milk. She was always bad at cleaning up messes and even worse at making them, so he stood there critiquing her and snickering at her mistakes. He had a wet washcloth ready however, knowing full well it will get much messier. Although it wasn't necessary. The cake didn't even end up in the oven, instead he went out and bought a cake at their local bakery and had her decorate it. That however was also a massive failure because as soon as she tried to squeeze some frosting out of the tube, she squeezed too hard and it imploded all over her.
He laughed, because what else should he have expected, it was Marie doing the backing and the decorating after all.
He was not about to let her sit there pouting though, so he reached his finger to her cheek and whipped some stray icing onto his finger before plopping it in his mouth and humming at the flavor. Cream cheese, not his favorite but he can stand it to make her happy.
Meanwhile she stood frozen, heart beating a mile a minute as she pondered on why her brain just went static and what this feeling was. She’d never once had this feeling in their years of knowing each other. She guessed he just never pulled such a stunt and moved on.
Why did it sting when she should be happy, it's a big deal for him. First girlfriend and all. He's never had very much luck with girls, it's a good thing and an accomplishment. But why cant she be happy for him, why does it feel this way? Especially right now, his first girlfriend sitting right in front of her. Why did she want to slap that sweet sweet smile off her face?
She hadn't done anything wrong and yet here Marie was, wanting nothing more than to scare the girl away.
Why did it feel so wrong?
The girl had long brown hair and bright blue eyes, her aquatic eyes made Marie feel like her own wild brown eyes were nothing but dirt. The hair, styled into a french braid, made her suddenly conscious of her own hair, thrown messily in a bun with fraying ends.
She was wearing a light blue skirt with a crochet top, much more impressive than Maries jean shorts and graphic tee.
Everything about this girl made Marie feel inferior, but it's not like she intended it. The girl was just living her life, trying her best. It was Marie that was irresponsible.
Their first invite to a party happened in march, and the party was that weekend. She had been waiting for a party invite for months, she couldn't wait for the true high school experience. However he took some convincing, after hours of begging she finally convinced him to go and forced him into some presentable clothes. As for her outfit, she wore ripped jean shorts and a short crop top with Mufasa on it, nothing special. She wanted to be able to move in it.
When they got there they didn't end up sticking very close, Marie getting lost in the crowd. While separated, a boy who looked about 16 approached her and started up small talk, he handed her a drink and urged her to chug it. With her guard completely down she chugged and chugged and as a result most of that night is a blur.
All she really remembers is being dragged to a bedroom and thrown on the bed as the boy started to undress, while intoxicated she tried to leave but nearly collapsed as she stood up.
the boy hushed her, "you don't want them to know that you're about to lose your virginity do you, slut?"
What she remembers the most was her emotions as he approached her, first it was disgust, then confusion, then terror, and as he reached her she felt pain as he grabbed her hair and her arm and roughly brought her to the bed. He started trying to restrain her, her hands above her head as he fastened his belt around them, then he held her legs, only able to hold one as he reached for her underwear, she kicked and kicked. Unable to achieve anything with her distorted senses. As her underwear started to slide she squeezed her eyes shut trying to bat away the tears, "you've gotta show strength," she had thought to herself.
However not long after, when she was expecting hands on her body instead she heard screech and a thwack. She looked up and saw a girl clutching her purse as she stared furiously at the boy that was now on the ground. Immediately she got up and booked it for the door, that's when he showed up, a panicked look appeared as soon as he saw her. He grabbed her wrist and dragged her out of the house, away from the chaos and didn't stop walking until they reached her house.
Then he spoke up. "Are you okay to be alone?"
As caring as ever, it both made her feel safe and made her want to sob, and so she did, right into his chest as she begged him to wait for her parents to get home.
It had been a couple months since the incident and he hasn't let her be alone for a second besides a couple minutes every now and then. She felt thankful and safe with him there, but his girlfriend wasn't too happy and broke it off saying he wasn't committed. Which made her feel guilty even though he assured her time and time again that it would've happened eventually. She still felt conflicted, somehow she was happy that they broke up but she knew it wasn't right of her and she still didn't understand why.
"Wanna watch a movie in the living room tonight?" he asked.
"hell yeah" she replied, almost instantly.
And so a movie they watched, Marmeduke to be specific. One of them was crying and the other was wondering why she was crying.
“It's an emotional movie okay?” she had said in response to the judgemental look displayed on his face.
Movie nights where most nights recently, she didn't particularly enjoy the thought of being home alone, and he realized that and offered movies on the days he knew her parents would be home late. That doesn't mean she wouldn't end up alone every once in a while with either her parents coming home to the sound of her thrashing breaths and her cheeks covered with tears, or him showing up and finding her struggling to breath while sitting on the couch.
It was a difficult time for everyone involved, eventually her parents decided to enroll her in some therapy, hoping for the best for their daughter. It did help some, she was able to be alone for a couple hours without panicking and she no longer felt the need to cry every time she thought about it. However that doesn't mean her trauma will go away, the therapist had informed her parents that she will most likely have issues trusting men and won't fare well alone with a man.
Her parents followed every instruction they were given, and were there for their daughter every step of the way, they were also very thankful to Minjae for being there when they couldn't.
They were now in their junior year, it had been over a year since that incident and Marie had gotten much better. She would have the occasional panic attack and every once in a while she'd wake up sweaty from a nightmare, but overall she improved and was back to being almost as happy as she used to be. The movie nights had become a habit however, they would have them on Wednesdays, Fridays, and Sundays. Today was one of those days, snuggled into a pile under one blanket watching Reck-It-Ralf. Commentary was thrown in here and there but there were also moments where they both just laid in silence, eyes wide as the plot thickens.
Once it was over they indulge in discussion,
“Okay but imagine how heartbroken she must've been, her wedding day of all days.” was Maries commentary.
“But she went kind of batshit crazy and fell for the mini hammer wielding guy later,” he interjected, and on goes the banter, fighting over whether or not you should like the character.
Many nights were spent in a similar fashion, but every once in a while he would take her to her favorite cafe and treat her to whatever she wanted. He started to treat her how he felt about her, trying to move their relationship out of the friendzone as discreetly as possible. Eventually she caught on and dumly commented, something along the lines of ‘are you my boyfriend now’ and he couldn't help but respond with a simple question, “would that be so bad,” making the encounter a memorable moment. Marie finally understood all the confusing emotions.
That was the first day they became more. The rest of her life would be spent happily with him, she loved him beyond the confines of the universe.
They made memories together, and stored them in their brains, left to be reminisced upon memory.
2018 had been a busy year for the both of them, buying cars, graduating, moving out. They were in an apartment building, they had adopted a puppy and set their sights on raising it together. He wanted to take her on a vacation though, he wanted to show Marie the world and learn all kinds of things with her by his side. They were set to leave the next month. They were going to go to Paris first, they'd spend a week in every country they visited and come back in a month to two months. He had been saving up since he first got a job so he could go on this trip. They'd make so many memories and fill their heads with so much joy. He felt overly optimistic about this trip.
They set off in January of 2019, paris was beautiful and they learned lots of words from locals, next stop was england, they had known some people and stayed with them, visiting beaches and going to amusement parks, and water parks. Marie enjoyed the water park more than anything else, she loved to push him in and splash water all over his hair. They then went to Japan, they decided to stay in a love motel as a joke, they visited the hachiko statue and roamed around all sorts of cities in Japan. After Japan they went to South Korea, visiting all the cafes that were trending, staying in a hotel in the center of seoul.
they spent 2 months going to as many places they could, their final stop was chile before they flew back home to the states, however on the way home from the airport(having paid to leave their car there for this trip) they would encounter their last memory together, and loose their precious time all too fast.
He awoke to silence, not eerie but not peaceful, a silence that wasn't the voice of any feeling or emotions, a white wall, a bright light, a monitor. His heartbeat began to pick up and the silence was interrupted by a beeping, and he slowly began to hear his own breath.
His breathing was erratic and uncontrollable, panic began to set in as he wandered, where was he?
“Minjae? Sir?” a voice started to filter through, he thrashed his head in search of the sorce. Finding a petite woman looking at him with emance concern, as other men and woman filled into the room, all dressed in blue from head to toe.
“Where am I?” he panicked, “Whos Minjae?”
the lady froze, “Sir can you tell me what you last remember eating?”
“What do you mean I,” he stared, but quickly realized he didn't know, “I don't remember.”
The lady quickly ushered the others out of the room and closed the door, hesitating to speak, “Sir,” she began, circling her pointer fingers around each other , “your name is Kim Minjae, you were in an accident a week ago and only just now gained consciousness, do you remember anything from the week before the accident?”
and that was how he found out where he was, a hospital, he also found out he remembered nothing of his life. Every memory erased, unknown whether he will ever get them back.
He started his physical recovery that week, and was quickly able to return home, however he had to attend weekly therapy sessions in hopes of unlocking his hidden memories, in the meantime his family showed his pictures and videos of what a great time he had, trying so desperately to get him to remember them.
one day the end of June he ran into someone that looked familiar, so tried to speak to them but the man glared a dagger into his soul and muttered to his partner, a fragile looking woman.
“how could he not keep her safe?” he had muttered, and that statement went straight to his head.
Has he failed someone? Did he hurt someone? Who is the ‘she’ referenced? Was he a bag guy?
Every once in a while Minjae had this aching feeling, like something was missing from him. It was almost like a part of him had been ripped out and replaced with dirty towels, he wonders if this feeling was why he couldn't remember anything; doctors had cleared him from any internal or external injuries that would cause amnesia, eventually deciding it was Dissociative Amnesia. This is a PTSD response to a traumatic event, aka his car crash. Altho he didn't understand why it was everything rather than just the crash, some pieces don't fit. Like how he was told he was alone in the car, but has a slight memory, more so a feeling, that there was someone else.
Soon Minjae started having nightmares, waking dreams where he couldnt remember what had happened; only the feeling of dread and terror coursing through his body. He’d wake with tears streaming down his face, unable to breath, as if he had forgotten that too. Sometimes the dreams made him scream in his sleep, and sometimes they made him scratch him self while thrashing.
The dreams started to change, he started to see a girl, maybe 14, clad in a purple soccer uniform. She would yell something out to him that he couldn't hear, sounding like his head was under water, and then hes wake up. For some reason when he had this dream he woke with tear stains on his cheeks but a slightly happy feeling spread throughout his body. He felt like the universe was telling him to find this girl, that he was meant to know her.
His dreams would now alternate. One night he would see a vision from the crash, a tree coming straight for him only to be stopped by the metal roofing of the car, and the next he’d see the girl clad in purple and kicking her soccer ball.
As the year passed his memories became clearer, he now remembered his mothers last birthday, and the meaning behind his dogs name, though he couldn't figure out who that girl in purple was. Whenever he asked his family they would brush him off and tell him she was no one they knew anymore.
It had been over a year since the accident and most of his memories had slowly returned, he still yearned to know what happened in the accident and had yet to find out who the soccer girl was, although he refused to give up. The feeling he had every time he was blessed with a dream about her told him she was important, he wanted to be able to hold that feeling in his hands and hug it close. It was only time he felt so happy, able to forget about all the forgottens, and only think about that memorable feeling. It was as if he got lost in a flower field every time he awoke from the dream.
He had finally stopped having dreams of the crash, instead he started having more dreams of the soccer girl, this time she look more around 16 or 17, she was curled into a blanket with a bowl of popcorn. Minjae would awake with the urge to argue, like he wanted to get a reaction out of her. He’d giggle at the little feelings that fluttered through him in the dreams.
He was sitting in a terminal, waiting on someone, he wasn't sure who quite yet. Then she walked out from the corner and her name flew out of his mouth like instinct.
“Marie! did you forget which gate we are at,” he chuckled, watching as she rolled her eyes.
as she was formulating a response she thrusted the ice cream she had just bought into his hands, “Maybe I got distracted by some airport hottie.”
“a gasp, how could you when I’m right here.”
this playful banter continued as they walked to their seats to wait for the plane.
He had flown into a conversation so easily, smiling at her everytime she fumbled with her bag or dropped a crumb and scrambled to pick it up.
Not before long their plane was ready to go and they boarded it, sitting side by side as Marie stuffed one of her earbuds into his right ear, clicking play on their joint playlist.
Their flight was quiet and peaceful, both falling asleep only minutes into the fight. Eventually being awoken by slight turbulence.
They got off the plane and headed for baggage, then went straight to the parking, shoving all their luggage into the trunk.
Marie got into the drivers side and started the car as Minjae hopped onto the bluetooth and set up instructions to home, playing that very same playlist from the flight.
as they were driving Minjae’s stomach started to sink, and his throat started to throb, then it happened.
a truck came flying out into their lane, Marie swerved to miss it but only sent the car tumbling down the side of the mountain, hitting tree after tree. She noticed she had started to bleed, and realized her side had already been pushed far enough to snag her leg, she knew itd be worse by the time it stopped tumbling, so she turned to Minjae and smiled. She wanted the last thing he ever heard from her to be the three words that made her heart melt even after all these years.
A sob ripped from Minjae’s throat as he flew from his bed, his throat screaming at him as his hands flew to his head and he started scratching and tearing at it, blood slipping into his fingernails. His heart beat out of his chest and his breath stopped as he started to hear his own screaming, suddenly realizing why his throat hurt so bad. He now heard the banging and sobbing at his bedroom door, having accidentally left it locked.
His father finally broke the door as Minjae peered at them in a mix of anger, betrayal, and desperation. He hoped so hard that it had just been a mere dream, that he had not actually watched the love of his life die, that he hadn't actually forgotten all their shared moments, that the aching in his chest would soon end as his soulmate walked through the door. But none of that closure came to him as his father started at him grimly and his mother ran to his side engulfing him in a hug, repeating the phrase “I’m sorry” over and over.
Remembering was the worst thing he ever did. The pain that he had felt before had tripled, and there was now an added ping of guilt, why had he survived and she didn’t? could he not switch her place, give her the life she so deserved, trade his for hers?
He never fully recovered after remembering, his friends try so very hard to help him find a spark of joy, but he never bites.
He wishes he never remembered, he wants to bury all the memories again; and he tries so hard to make it happen.
He stuffs his mouth with medicine, he throws his head against the concrete, he tries every method he could think of to forget again. In the end he had to go to a hospital, to prevent him from hurting himself.
Thats what the pain of his memory did to him.
