Bow To Your Queen

a pout sits on colby’s face as she holds a box in her hands. “don’t look at me like that. yes i’m twenty eight, and i know christmas is over, but..” she pauses and looks down at the gingerbread making kit box in her arms, “i didn’t get a chance to build a gingerbread house this year. technically i think it’s still the holiday season since the new year is coming up, but get one too, so we can build at the same time, or we can build one together.” she asked the other standing beside her as she held the gingerbread box. | @primmstart​

“Drinking games! Duh! Unless we’re talking about board games that we could turn into drinking games? Picture monopoly but when you pass go you take a shot instead of two-hundred dollars. That would be great.”

Rose Hip Tea : Describe your first kiss

“Awful. Slobbery. The height difference was too much and the pretty much tried to make out with my chin before getting my lips.”

Orange Juice : Have you ever had a valentine?

“I have not. At one point, I thought I was going to, but he left me a long time before Valentine’s day and he was my first relationship ever and I haven’t had any since. There’s somebody in Vegas that I’m hoping will be mine, but we will have to see.”

[ nintendo switch lite in turquoise ]

“This is freaking awesome! Thank you so much.” Pax turned the gift over and over in his hands in an attempt to figure out who it may have come from, but there was no indication. “This color is gorgeous.”

“I understand..” Berwyn gave a small nod, swallowing thickly. While Berwyn absolutely loved love, the one thing he hated about it was falling in it. He hated falling in love, merely because he knew most times he’d get his heart broken in a billion pieces… Not a lot of people could handle a flower shop owner who cried himself to sleep at times because he got crippling dysphoria when he slept shirtless without his binder. “Because you are… You are special, whether you see it or not, Pax. You’re something to behold… You’re always there for people when they’re upset or angry. You care about people, and that’s what makes you special.” He explained softly. Things were going smoother than he thought, until those words left the other’s mouth. ‘You’re not the first person to tell me that recently’. It felt like a world was crashing on him and he knew he’d back away and distance himself if someone else liked Pax. “Nobody understands me like you do, Pax. Why would I want someone who doesn’t understand and know what I’m going through? …You know shit about me that nobody else does. Not even Rusty.” He wanted so badly to break down and cry but, he was staying strong… For now..

Julian’s in the middle of organizing his heap of papers and files when he hears the raps on his door, stealing his attention. He did not expect his client to arrive so soon but he’s reminding himself there has been a new cluster of strangers he’ll need to introduce himself to all over again. Moving hospitals and offices has always been fickle but it’s a small price to pay for the work that he does with determination and glee. “Huh. Quite early, are we?” Julian offers lightheartedly, his brown orbs twinkling in curiosity. “Good morning. I’m Dr. Julian Decker, but you’re welcome to just call me Julian. Please do come in. Are you here for your session?”

Paxton had been in therapy for years now, ever since the car accident, and he was used to being shuffled from doctor to doctor. He was an annoying case, he was sure, but never having one doctor made things more difficult. “Yeah, my ride had to be somewhere else.” Paxton had never gotten his driver’s license, he was terrified to be in a car at all. During his drag tour over the summer, he spent the days on the bus napping off his Xanax. “Yeah, I am. My last doc recommended me before shoving me off his client roster, so good fucking luck to you, my dude. I’m Paxton Argent, everybody’s least favorite client. There’s a lot going on in this head that’s pretty fucked.”

Noah didn’t like having hopes. Not after everything. But maybe if he did it right this time he could have something by the end of it. Maybe if he did things right. Paxton was different than any other people he had kissed and slept with anyone. They actually started out as friends instead of two men who just wanted to hit it right off the bat even the attraction had been there from the very beginning. He had started out with a one night stand with Dr. Stevens the same with Jane. Paxton was actually a friend. Someone he felt comfortable sharing strories with and opening himself to. “Okay….” He didn’t think he could ever say the words I trust you so fast to anyone but he could come up with something else in the meantime. “I believe you.” And that was the closest thing to trust when it came to him. “I wish I wasn’t this skeptical sometimes. You know?” He said. “I wish I could just let people in. But it’s hard when all I could think of was….. the day when they all left.” Growing up abandoned by his parents from the start didn’t help either. They had never wanted him in the place and he had felt lonely ever since. “Did you know that I grew up in an orphanage?” He asked. Cyrek was the only person who knew of this information. “My parents gave up on me a long time ago. I guess… My abandonment issues just came from that.” He then chuckled. Feeling ridiculous like he should start guarding himself again. But Paxton’s comfort had made him feel more open. There was no turning back now. God he hoped he wouldn’t have to regret this. “Thank you for being around.” He said. “Let’s go have that cuddle. We could order some pepperoni pizza too. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.” He chuckled opening the door to his apartment. “Make yourself at home.” He said as he looked around to turn all the lights on. His apartment was somewhat messy. He had been gone on a depressive spiel and he hadn’t been able to do much. “Would you like anything to drink? A movie to watch?”

“I’m glad. Thank you.” Pax knew how difficult it was for Noah to say that, let alone actually believe him and Pax didn’t want that to go unnoticed. Sometimes, trust and faith were the most difficult things after like had burned you and when people acted like it was easier, it made it harder to trust. The last thing Pax wanted to do was make Noah’s life more difficult than it needed to be. Even without knowing what the other had been through, he knew it was a lot. “I know what you mean because I’m similar. I’m terrified that anybody I love is going to up and leave me once they realize how difficult I am to be around. If my own brother can do it, anybody can...but I promise I’m not going to leave. Even if we find out we aren’t compatible past friendship, I’m always going to be here.” He shook his head and tried not to let any shock show on his face. “I didn’t know that, thank you for telling me.” It made things make more sense and Pax stepped a little bit closer to Noah as they walked. They were more similar than he ever knew. “My parents...died in a car accident. My brother and I were fostered separately and my foster parents wanted the best for me until they realized I’m not easy...they haven’t called since I turned eighteen.” Pax didn’t want to overshadow Noah’s story, he wanted his friend to know he understood. The rest of the walk was easy and when they made it to Noah’s apartment, Pax began unwinding his scarf before pulling Noah in for another hug. “Maybe water, but in a minute, I’m cold.”

Noah didn’t find it easy to take in compliments. It was easier to pretend he was distant and unlike anything Paxton said he might be because in his perspective it’s better to put himself down to the lowest level of dirt and mud than inject positive thoughts that are going to disappoint him in the future anyway. Dr. Stevens had almost made him believe he was more than just a depressed loner who had a hard time seeing himself in a better light but all of that hope got crushed when he had woken up to an empty bed next to him. “I’m sorry.” He said. He didn’t want to look down all the time but it was hard not to. Maybe this is the reason why people dislike him. Nobody wants to be around someone who puts themselves down so much. Be happy. He remembered one of his drunken visitors would say. But that was his biggest problem. He couldn’t force himself to act or sound happy. He had been disappointed one too many times. “I didn’t mean to sound like a downer but it’s hard to believe people would really like me… After everything. I don’t trust easy.” He said. He let Paxton touch him though. Hold him like a rope that he needed to hold on to if he didn’t want to drown in his thoughts. “You’re so sweet to me. I long for affection but I find it scary when someone shows it or gives it to me. It’s like they’d have the power to flip the table and toss me away again.” He sighed. When Paxton kissed him he smiled and kissed him back. He wrapped his arms around Paxton’s waist and kissed him deeper. He missed this. He didn’t want any of this to go. “Please don’t ever leave me….” He said in a whisper. “Is that too much to ask? I mean. I like you. I really do.” He said before leaning back with a small smile. “You are not obligated to answer that though. We can just have fun for now… I’ve missed you.” 

“Don’t apologize for the way other people have conditioned you to be. That’s not your fault.” Paxton didn’t know anything, but there was no way somebody could be this level of self-deprecating, unsure, and convinced the world was going to leave him without something else going on. If Pax could kiss all of Noah’s anxieties away, he would, but he knew that wasn’t the answer. A person could build you up, but any wrong move and those walls were torn down just as easily. Pax could help Noah, but if Noah never believed it, then they were going to be right back at square one as soon as Pax fucked up. “Hey,” the boy cooed, trying to lift Noah’s chin with his index finger, “There’s nothing wrong with that, I get it, but I’ve never lied to you and I will never lie to you. No matter what, ok?” Pax knew that was difficult to believe when all he had said were nice things, but if Paxton ever came out with a harsh truth, then maybe Noah would believe him. Or start to believe him. They would just have to see. For now, Pax tightened his grip on the older man because it seemed like something Noah might benefit from, and moaned softly into his lips. “Let me show you I won’t throw you away. We’re friends if nothing else and I don’t just ditch friends. I know what it’s like to be abandoned and I won’t do that to other people.” Pressing one last kiss to Noah’s lips, Pax fell back onto his heels and started to step away so they could continue on to Noah’s apartment. “I can’t promise forever, but I can promise the next few days if you want. I’m not working and I love sleepovers,” he grinned, “I missed you too, now let’s go. Cuddle time is calling my name.”

“Fuck...uh kiss Nathan...fuck Noah because I don’t know if he likes me more than than that...and marry Berwyn because I know he does.”@loverboy-berwyn @damnoah @nathanbcaumont

“It doesn’t bother me in the slightest. People weren’t typically monogamous, that is a very modern concept. If the whole group loves each other and there is open communication, boundaries, everybody is comfortable, then I see nothing wrong with it. You can love more than one person.”

“Vince. Fifty, father of one, divorced. We started out as fuck buddies because that’s just how my life goes, and we were starting to get hotter when his ex-wife showed back up. Vince promised he loved me and not her, I found out they were still fucking behind my back, I made him stop, he asked me to be his boyfriend, but never stopped fucking her. I wanted to make it work, he decided he still loved her, and left.”

“Never. I love both of my jobs to the moon and back. They let me be the person that I am without judgement. If anybody wants to judge, they can fuck right off. You don’t need to come to my shows, you don’t need to come to my club, I’m happy.”

“I mean, I could think of a few ways. We don’t even have to go anywhere at all.” Nathan replies shortly and his tone is suggestive, leaving the offer up in the air for him to take if he’s ever interested in doing that sort of stuff. It’s pretty bold, but Nathan has done worse for the sake of entertainment and his own gain - sex is fucking fun, and who is he to deny the pleasures that emanate from it. Nathan keeps his tone light though, not wanting to come off as too aggressive or like a predator. This person just looks like he knows how to have fun, and right now the fellow drag queen is in the dire need for some and beyond. “Mmmm. I bet you are powerful no matter what, the biggest strength comes from the freedom to determine our own principles and choices and being able to stick with them. That’s sexy.” He smirks, taking a deep drag of his cancer stick lazily. “Hm, I’ll be here, baby. You wanna go for a quick visit to one of the night clubs? I’m your man, I have access and everything.” 

Pax’s eyebrows made a valiant attempt to touch his hairline with Nathan’s response, and it got pretty close, but not quite. Was this man propositioning him? It sure seemed like it. “That’s fair and if you want to get up to no good, I am more than happy to return the favor.” After all, Pax was far more of a giver than a receiver, so he was probably better off no having to receive at all. If he thought too much about it, he would get all in his head, and it would make things weird. As long as Pax could pretend and channel Silver’s energy, then he would be fine. “Damn right I am. Shit, I love that. Regardless of if you mind or not, I might be stealing that.” Pax cocked his head a little and let his eyes rake over Nathan’s body. The man was handsome, there was no denying that, and maybe something mindless would really help him right about now. “I’m so into that, you don’t even know. Any fucking time.”