Finding The Person I Want To Be.

Like get up at midnight and to put the awning in because the wind feels like it’s going to rip it off the front of the trailer.

But then when you’re done with that your body mysteriously tells you, you need to poop. So now I’m sitting in the barn bathroom on the composting toilet and it’s 12:25 am and I am alone. And EXHAUSTED. Holy shit. I am so tired. My limbs feel like they weight 50 lbs each.

And I’m not even getting that much poop out.

Reviews at work are coming in April, my mind went to the worst option, they are going to let me go. I haven’t been the best employee lately and that’s really taking a toll on how I feel about my job. I need to correct that and change how I’m treating work.

I am starting to obsess about things with Tara again and be upset when things aren’t going how I want them to... it’s challenging. I just need to distract my mind with things that really matter and focus on things other than Tara. My ego is having a really hard time with her being present in our lives.