I stopped wearing my hair in twin braids when I met you because I thought it made me look younger. That’s when I realized I am young. And that I changed so much about myself to make me easier to be with.
You always said how you always needed something to work towards. I guess you were willing to work towards anything but loving me.
Loving me was too much of a challenge for you, or maybe the rewards were too easy. Small effort on your part and nothing but grand prizes. I gave you everything. While you gave me what you thought you could muster.
I changed my habits, my clothes, my values, my body. All so you would love me. And you never even did.
But I did nothing for him. I was nothing but me when he met me. I was a shell. Empty. All of the parts of me changed and mangled in more ways than one and yet… he still wanted it. Me.
He texted me, every day. He made time. He lost sleep and time and money. But he would probably tell you he didn’t lose anything. Because that’s how he is. He is kind. He is funny, and smart, but not the smart that you were. No he never makes me feel stupid like you did. He only ever makes me feel like I’m special. Which was something you never made me feel.
It’s been over six months since you made your mental promise and kept it. I’ve watched you from afar as you go about your life like I was never in it. Everyday I work to be the girl I was before you, but I can’t reach her. She’s gone just like the girl I was when I was with you. I’ve grown. But in my mind you will always remain. The taker. Taking my precious things from me. Taking what I thought made me, me, and changing it.
I like when my hair is in braids. And that’s what is important now.
