Your Boy Danny Molloy

There are stories out there that need to be told- but yeahhh, you’re probably here for the book. 5 million copies, 4 months: Interview with the Vampire.

ROLEPLAY BLOG/SEND ASKS (choose a character, sign with their name, 18+)

Here’s some people I’d like to hear from:

- fans of the book. Sure. I know there’s an “Armand told the truth” fan club. Hilarious

- my girls. Katie. Lenora. Hi. Please answer any of the voicemails I’ve left: even if you just want to tell your ol’ dad to fuck off, just wanna hear your voice

- that brings me to MY Dad. Hey. Maker. I’m doing great, not that you give a shit. Little bit of trouble with latching. So, there’s some mess... leakage when I eat? Uh, fuck it… tips would be appreciated.

- Lestat, hey man, you keep sending me what I think are voice notes of your songs, or might be somebody dying. Don’t care. Please stop.

- Louis. Things have been a little rough with us after the book. I would love to hear how you are, after you broadcasted ‘I own the night’ to our entire… community. If I’m next on a vampiric hit list, gee thanks, and I would be GRATEFUL for a heads up!!!

- if Claudia’s ghost is out there, listen, I like your whole schtick: getting one over on your dads, revenge-plot, uh, girl power(?) (minus the baby’s-first-murder style of writing your victim’s last words in their blood, c’mon... bit much?)

Yeah. So. Dad- Armand. If you’re listening, and you are, right? Hiding in the fucking pipes, or wall insulation, or some shit: I’m doing great.

oh.

Fanfiction... I've made a mistake. It's porn. It's porn! I've signed-off on smut-fiction with me and my maker-dad-stalker-situationship. Amazing.

Uhhhh. Listen. I'm sure there's some nuance here, and some "fanfiction" is not "dacryphilia" or "hurt no comfort" or "domestic husbands browsing curtains for their new apartment, 50,000 words." I'm not sure where I was going with that.

DO NOT SEND THIS TO ARMAND. He does not need more ideas. His head is full of ideas. He does not need access to "6,319 Works in Armand/Daniel Molloy."

Ooooooh, do "we" KNOW how he feels about it? Do "we"? Who is "we"? Am I talking to a vampire cabal, a 6' blonde frenchman, or... just a fan?

Shit.

I'm tired. I've been... having trouble with my- sleeping bag- and I keep telling myself there are worse roommates than vampires who show up to use the blender at 3:00am, and there are too many rats in New York anyway.

Um. Louis and I are working things out. Yeah, I published a book he waffled on putting out there: but it's not like I dropped the guy from 4000ft, or made him watch repertory theatre, or killed his daughter, so. I'll think we'll bounce back.

He's stopped texting me pictures of gravesites with the caption: "how do you like this one?"

Anyway, it's great that those interviews or whatever you were doing back at Mary's got you somewhere, though I think fucking someone who looks just like guy you fucked in the 70s is a bit extreme (Armband or whatever his name was??). Anyway, hope you're doing ok.

Hey, hey, I think weed migrates to whoever needs it the most, huh? I was in need, and I accepted your donation. But really, buddy, who is this? Tim- Tom-? I stole a lot worse than grass in the 70s, I had a good time doing it; I have no remorse.

Armand.

French son of a bitch. Yeah, you're not going to believe me, but it's the same guy. Crazy genetics. And how many times exactly did you see us at Mary's? Like, once or twice... or, more than that?

What do you say I visit you at your sad little nursing home, bring an apology bong? We'll reminisce about "Armband" (I'll tell him you called him that), and Mary's sketchy bathroom stalls, annnnnnd lost memories.

@blorbusshmorbus Heeeeeeey... Claudia?

I'm noticing the lights are... flickering. So, Claudia, right? If you can hear me: I will send your message on to your dads.

I might just say it the once, though. They'll get it!

I understand I might not get an answer to this one: but, what's death like for vamps? What kind of abyss do we all have to look forward to?

Not my boyfriend.

You know what? Sure! You can have him.

So, tell me, is this a sign of autism? You wake up early evening, you hear a knife being sharpened. As if a foley artist is creating it, it's so perfect; very crisp sching, waaaaaaay too close. You snort out of bed, slip to the kitchen, lights off; you can move quiet, but you can hear your own blood, your own pulse in your wrists: and there he is. Nestled between the dark shapes of your refrigerator and kitchen counter, your shitty vampire dad with a fucking whetstone. Cool.

He says: "Your knives needed sharpening?"

You throw a toaster at him.

He catches it; staring at you, holding the toaster.

You stare, panting, until he leaves. You think he's going out the front door, but he slithers out a window. You've been leaving them open.

Would hearing my dulcet tones 43 minutes, once a week, be too much for you?

I DID do a radio stint back in the 80s:

Don't know why I look like I'm gonna be beamed-up by aliens, god, that's some intense overhead lighting! Hot, too. Really sweating it out in the booth with opinions I'm not sure aged very well.

Got a ton of call-ins. Night shift... makes people loopy... I remember a repeat caller who liked to talk about how clothing was: a uniform assigned by people in power. Then he'd always ask what I was wearing. Total nutcase.

Is any famous pop singer a vampire??

They don't give you a list when you join up.

Lestat's whispered a few names, but it's Lestat: I would filter anything he says through a lens of no-one-loves-me and sparkles. But Rockstar Barbie says: Bowie, Beyoncé, uhh, Avril? Avril Lavigne, Pharrell, Rihanna. The usual immortal-looking subjects.

The lady with the shawls. The Machine. Florence and her Machine?

Elton John. Which, ya know: I do like "I'm Still Standing" in a vampiric context. Funny guy. Also, it's so bouncy: Alice said I used to dance by just lifting my shoulders up and down, and this is an excellent song to do that to.

How I write him? All my descriptions of Armand are: "he has the face of renaissance angel, and the soul of a serial killer." That's hot?

Or: "Staring across the Dubai dining room table, unblinking, pupils small and focused. Edges of his mouth prick up, and I'm wondering if he's a cat playing with his food; or maybe he's heard Louis' life story a thousand times and the vampire's bored. Sliding for Louis' hand, thumbing over his knuckles, so slow: not looking at Louis, looking at me."

Creepy!

Or: "He tells his story in the Louvre with a kind of detached ambivalence, and I don't know if I'm imagining pain on his face; or if I'm trying to humanize someone's who's been dead over 400 years."

That's hot?

Listen, name me a vamp who DOESN'T have something kinky going on with their maker. I'll wait.

I'm joining a long line of messed up mythical creatures who have daddy issues. And it's my honour. Well. I dunno.

Yesterday: Armand sends me an email with a mystery attachment. I think I'm getting a virus, but it's 12 hours of black and white, grainy-ass footage of him sleeping: and his hair growing back in real time. A few minutes later I get a text that says: disregard previous email sent from my iPad.

I know he's nuts.

This is how we met:

I would be ever so pleased to tell you all the stories I know when we meet up in person. Perhaps you could introduce me to Chuck E. Cheese?

Mio tesoro has people who love him very much. I have not seen him in a long time and I wouldn't know whether he'd even remember me, but I do see myself as his friend, yes.

My first hundred years? I feel like they both flew by and lasted forever. Perhaps that makes sense, seeing I spent the first few of those years as a human. Humans experience time so slowly, and my memories of back then, though not complete anymore, are some of my most treasured. Perhaps when you reconnect with your maker you could ask him for some stories? Then we can exchange each other's! We might both learn things we have forgotten.

Will you celebrate the occasion of your reaching one-hundred? I haven't had the opportunity to organise a party in so long, would you allow me the pleasure if you decide to celebrate?

I wish you good luck with your book tour. Do you often have vampires visiting them?

With affection, B. S.

I can't imagine a nice lady like yourself calling Armand "their treasure." Annnnd maybe that's on me. He's lived a life. I'd like to know more about that life, instead of always being on the back foot.

Did you meet "your treasure" when... he was a person? Fuck, human?

You know: I'm... happy to send my absentee maker a message. They don't always get answered. But can I give a name: who is Miss B? Or are we still playing super-spy?

Uhhhh sure, you get first dibs on birthday hosting IF I reach 100. That's 30-odd years from now, and I hear the first few are the hardest.

I would like my party to be bowling-themed.

Thanks for the allergy info, looking through it now, did you know she's allergic to bananas? I've been feeding her bananas her whole life and I have to find out through a paper that's been with you this whole time? Let me call Katie up real quick.

"They're nice and spicy" she says.. I blame you for feeding her spicy food when she was 3.

Your eyes look funny? Danny, that sounds worrisome, you realise that? And "treatments"? You make this sound like you're using again! You better explain all this when we meet, Daniel Molloy.

9pm, yeah, sure. Meet at that diner? The one with the pink glitter man that always orders one bag of fries and 30 sauces. Weirdo. Everyone knows 20 sauces is enough for a bag.

I can do either tonight or Wednesday. That work for you? ~Alice

Hey, you're gonna miss a lot of good New York street meat without a spice tolerance! I'm glad my legacy with the girls is giving them a spoon of tabasco sauce when they were waaaay too young.

Uh. Oh, the banana thing might be genetic, because this is the first time I'm hearing they're NOT spicy? Next you're going to tell me they don't make the back of throat tingle.

Wednesday! No more than 20 sauces, got it!

-Katie

Oh, baby, you're high. Yeah that doctor is sooo mean, fuck him.

Do you have someone looking after you the next few weeks? I get if you don't want to see me, but Google says uh right here: you should be eating soft foods, and I can DoorDash some pudding? You still like pudding?

This is what I'm seeing on the website, I don't know why the packaging makes it look like dogshit, but you want some? I'm sending you some, it's sent.

The fire gift is simple. You manifest it with your mind. Emotions play a great part in this so be wary of losing your temper... Practice with candles!

If you wish for more lessons, fetch me the memes in which my darling ad boy resides.

- Armand, @dollforsale

@dollforsale Thinking of you:

I think I'm getting the hang of it! I'll let you know how my apartment holds up, so far I only need to replace some curtains, a towel, and the printouts of my taxes.

Um.

Here's your meme. HHGregg is in there, but you might have to look.

Uhhh I think Kate had a phase, with uh- there was a magazine? fan-zine? She's gonna kill me. Oh! It was a Star Trek thing she liked. So my opinion on fanfiction is it's good: kids telling stories, right? That's nice.

Uh, and Lenora! I remember she liked "drarry." I don't know what that is, but I guess if you write a fanfiction: put a "drarry" in with me and Armand.

I found your book at a Barnes & Noble. Read it, thought it was good. Nice to see people shining a light on the supernatural.

Ok, that one's on me; I also write how I talk (for certain articles, when I'm feeling creative) and it only occasionally gets me into trouble.

Gotta say: your messages are an art in understatement. You're not a vamp. But you're happy people are shining a light on the supernatural. Are you Mothman, the Loch Ness Monster looking to start a podcast? The Jersey Devil? Help me out here.