Fragilely Proud

This year has been a lot, and among my few achievements is the fact that I’ve begun an art plus junk journal. I’d begun a number of things earlier this year, but this is the one that seems truly fulfilling. It helps me stay calm even when I’m reeling with illnesses, and although I didn’t notice it initially, it’s helped me get over my massive writer’s block this year and begin writing fiction again. It’s helped me to the point that I’ve taken up writing as my profession now.

Yep, I’ve given up on my old career aspirations. Being a disabled queer woman in 2020 has been a hard lesson. Life is short, the lifespan of this planet is getting shorter every day, so I’ve decided to spend my time with things I really enjoy. I like pottering around the house, gardening, spending time with my family, living a cottagecore life minus the ecofascism. And I like writing and art; I’ve loved it since forever. Going forward, I’d like to work in those areas so that they can help sustain me financially as well. This isn’t the way I’d planned my life at all, believe me. And this isn’t how I was going to write this post. But, well.

As much as I’d like to make a fresh start on Tumblr, if only to use this platform to promote whatever I work on in the near future, I know I don’t have the energy for that. And neither is Tumblr the sort of space where one does that with a straight face. I spend most of my online time these days with my friends on Discord, or on Twitter, or Goodreads and Letterboxd. I don’t feel compelled to return to Tumblr in any way, and I don’t have the time. Despite my chronic migraine, I’m working harder these days than ever, and, SOMEHOW, I’m learning to cope with the pain?? I’ve recently seen a doctor who’s prescribed meds that are actually helpful. It also helps that I’ve turned to a path that’s much more sustainable for me, and I’m not constantly on the brink of complete breakdown.

I know there are very few people who know me here, so I suppose it’s a bit pretentious, making a big signing-off post. But I’m not leaving, not really. And it’s better to end things formally, with true intention and decision, if only to get some closure from it. I’m not leaving: my Tumblr will be here. But I’m probably not coming back after this. I’ll delete my drafts, and move on to whatever.