young wild and free

Moose couldn’t help but pull Kevin closer once the tears started. His chest ached at the sight. He always hated this. Seeing the pretty boy in tears. That was never his intentions. He gently wipes away Kevin’s tears for him. “I can’t give you what you deserve, Kevin. I can’t give you the public dates or hand holding or kissing in the halls. I want to. But I can’t. I don’t want you to hate me for that down the road.” He leans over and presses a soft kiss to the boys temple before pulling him even closer.

“I’m working on the whole talking to someone. About opening up. But it’s going to take a while, Kev. Are you sure you want to do this? I refuse to not have you in my life, Kevin Keller.” Moose didn’t like seeing him so upset and worked up. Especially when he was the reason. “I don’t want you to think I’m making you hide yourself.”

He listened to Moose’s words, letting him wipe his tears as he took several deep breaths to calm down. Kevin rubbed at his knees to keep his hand’s busy, feeling the pressure and warmth of Moose’s kiss on his temple before being taken in his arms. He felt safe, and the male’s arms around him took him back to much easier times. Not one guy he was with in New York made him feel this safe, this warmth,and get that hazy feeling in his stomach. “Moose. I’m not going to hate you. Exactly the opposite. I’m not going to lie to you and say that I don’t want those things...I’ve learned that the person is worth more than gestures and public showing.”

Kevin’s eyes were finally starting to feel dry, and finally getting comforted by Moose’s words and touching. “Moose, we both have things we need to work on. I’m not perfect and we aren’t perfect but..yes...” Kevin put his hands on Moose’s cheeks. “Good, because I’m not going anywhere.I want to do this,Marmaduke Mason.” He didn’t give Moose much time until he’d been kissing him for the second time tonight. Kevin didn’t know much of the future, but he did want Moose around. “I see the progress you’re making and..that’s better than anything. Do you want to give this a try?”

They were both going to kill him. Fuck. This was nearly the same conversation him and Midge had. The thing was that they both thought he was capable of actually choosing between his two favorite people. This was the most He’s used his brain and it honest to god fucking hurt. Why couldn’t this be simple?

“She had to know. I couldn’t keep this from her.” That and she had also asked to get back together before she knew. His response to her proposal was that he couldn’t hurt Kevin. Only his dumbass kissed her when she made that face. The same face Kevin was giving him. Did they team up and want him dead? “And I didn’t want to keep that from you. But Kev..” moose leans into the touch, keeping his eyes on the boy. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, Kev. That was his weakness. It had been last night with Midge. Now Kevin. “There’s no reason for you to be sorry.” He wanted to kiss him and make things better but Moose had learned last night that that’s not the best idea. Not yet.

“You have no idea how much I care about you. Having you disappear had me going crazy. But we have to talk about this. I can’t come out. Not for a while. I can’t ask you to hide this if we did..” Moose wanted Kevin, badly. But he had told Midge the same thing. Kevin felt so out of reach for him. Not to mention that both of them deserved so much better.

“Moose I know that you always mean well. I’m not going to make you justify what you think is right when that’s your prerogative that I respect.” Kevin felt as if he deserved every bad feeling considering what he’s put Moose through. He felt as if he triggered a chain of events that could have been avoided if he kept his mouth closed. “Thank you for telling me. I really do appreciate that more than you know.”

Kevin started wiping his eyes, knowing that crying was not the best thing to be doing right now. “Moose...hold on.” Kevin took put down his food and drink, grabbing the both of Moose’s hands. “I went to New York and...I...thought I would be happy with the guys I was with. The lights. The bars. The acceptance...but none of it made me happy.” Kevin wiped his eyes once more. “And nothing else made me feel when I’m around you.” He stood up, and could feel his arms shaking. “Moose..I’m done thinking about myself. I don’t care about having to hide for a while...until you’re ready...I just don’t want to lose you or run away again. I can deal with that..when I made the mistake of thinking that Reggie..that someone else knowing would help it didn’t because..I lost you. Alright..When you care about someone you make things work...I want to make this..work.”

Kevin always had a way of distracting him. Moose let the boy pull him inside. This small kiss calming him down. He followed the boy, keeping their hands interrwined. That’s what they had to talk about. The future. He already had this talk with Midge. Now it was only fair that he had the same one with Kevin.

“Yeah. That’s kinda what we gotta talk about.” The whole confusion thing was just hurting his head. They all deserved some sort of solution. “Everything’s fine… I talked to Midge. About this past summer. About You.” Moose watches Kevin help himself to the pizza. It filled his chest with a warm feeling at the sight of Kevin had stocked up for him coming over. “Then I might have kissed her.” It was better to tell Kevin rather than he hear it from someone else.

Kevin took a bite of his pizza, already knowing how this conversation was going. When he heard Midge’s name, Kevin’s anxiety was starting to kick in again. A lot has happened when he was gone, he was happy that Moose was speaking to more people. “That’s good,Moose.” He had went through an entire sad phase when he thought Moose and Midge were going to get back together, and it was a lot better than what he expected. “Kissed her...” Kevin repeated the words in his head, and for some reason he experienced a different feeling he couldn’t pinpoint. He was trying to give off a neutral look but knew there had been a slight slip.

“I’m glad you..were able to talk to Midge about this. Moose, I didn’t think this day would come so I’m honestly really..proud you are able to open up to more people.” Kevin bit his bottom lip, sighing lightly. “I..may not feel that happy about you and Midge kissing..but I want you to be happy, Moose. I hurt you..and I really want to make this back up to you and..even if we don’t end up one path..I’ll support you on the other.” Kevin grabbed Moose’s hand, putting their foreheads together. “I really am sorry, Moose.” He could feel tears coming from his eyes in small amounts. “I..New York made me realize just how much I ..care about you.”

Closed // Kevin && Moose

@youngkeller

Moose just felt more confused and frankly was thinking about how much of an idiot he is. But He wanted to tell Kevin before Midge did. Not that he thought Midge would. He bites his cheek. Moose wanted Kevin. It was obvious. He even told Midge that! Midge knew that he wanted Kevin. But part of him also loved the girl too much to completely let her go. All of it was a mess for him.

He ended up at the Keller’s house, waiting for Kevin to come outside like he had asked in his text. “Kev, Hey.” Moose lets out a breath as he looks at the boy. “We need to talk.”

Kevin was excited to spend alone time with Moose, not really sure how the night would go. He’d been playing video games while the time passed, finally glad to be sleeping in his own bed after living in a hotel bed for the past week or so. His father and him had a long talk the day he arrived, and finally got a lot out in the air on what was really going on with Kevin. He told his father about the cruising, his mistakes with Moose but not saying the name, and his overall self-esteem issues that caused his reckless behavior. In New York he acted upon his impulses, and really discovered just how bad he was at controlling himself. A lot of his trip became more of an eye opener on what he needed to change.

A text on his phone made him run downstairs faster than what he should have. Kevin ordered three boxes of pizza, knowing that Moose liked to eat and even bought a case of beer. “Moose.. Hey.” He repeated back, a smile on his face as he held out his hand for the man to come inside. Without giving much of a warning, once Moose was inside, Kevin gave him a quick peck on the lips. “Sorry..I..really needed and missed that. I know we don’t know the future but..I...just needed that. Let’s go to my room.” Kevin walked the familiar way, nodding along to Moose’s words. “Yeah..I probably should tell you about New York because you deserve to know. But yeah...is everything okay?” Kevin waved his hand to show the pizza and beer he brought, taking two slices himself and opening a beer. “You first..something tells me whatever you want to tell me is something you’ve..been thinking about.”

Moose didn’t really know what to do. He liked Kevin a lot. But a part of him was still trying to get over Midge. All of it was becoming confusing and frankly, made his head hurt when he thought about it. “Riverdale wasn’t the same without you.” Kevin had become a sort of comfort to Moose and without him, he had to turn to others to deal with the pain of not having him there. “I can’t. Marsh and Mack will be there so I promised to keep an eye out for them. But.. tomorrow? I can be all yours.” He didn’t want it to seem like he was bailing on Kevin. His siblings did come first. Plus he needed the night to sort out his thoughts and feelings before spending alone time with Kevin.

Kevin smiled wider when Moose used his words that would make Kevin feel a million different ways for the better. “Glad to know I can still rely on your  words of encouragement.” Their late night meet ups and breaks throughout the day were his highlights, as his feelings and comfort gained from Moose only strengthened after each encounter. “Yeah. That’s fine the last thing I want to do is stop you from hanging out with your family.” It was true, and that was never a case because he knew Moose loved his younger siblings and was a model big brother. “Take all the time. I’m really wanting to make all this up to you..in whatever way I can.” Kevin gave him a reassuring smile, possibly holding his hand a little too tight but it showed he really did miss, Moose. “I actually got you something in New York..it’s not here but..I really want you to know I was thinking about you.”

“What?” Moose blinks at him. Did Kevin really think he would do such a thing? Why would he do that? Kevin was as important to him as Midge was. Why would he want to hurt him like that? “No? I would never and that’s something me and her haven’t talked about. Not yet. We only started talking again, as friends, that night. She was having a rough time and needed a hug.” Moose always knew how to cheer her up. That’s one of the reasons Midge had ended up on his doorstep. They were used to relying on each other when they were hurt.

“I always want to see you, Kev. When I said I needed space, I needed time to think. This, all of it, is still confusing to me. But seeing you is something I will always want.” Moose wasn’t confused about his feelings for Kevin. It was clear he felt something for him. It was confusing that he still loved Midge as well as fell in deep with Kevin. Then add one cheated on him and the other outed him to his best friend then disappeared for two weeks. Moose felt Kevin’s hand and gently squeezed it. Was it wrong to say he missed the affection Kevin gave him? “I missed you too, Kev. You have no idea.”

“And I am glad to be back, even with what New York had to offer..nothing compared to you watching football on my tv while I’m cuddled up next to you.” Kevin teased, still feeling stupid and bad at the same time. His attention was completely on Moose, wanting to do everything he could in his power to get back to where they were. New York didn’t have Moose Mason. Moose’s eyes always stood out, and Kevin was lost in them again. He felt a surge of memories rush through his mind, ones that brought a smile to his face. “I’m not going anywhere again, alright? It really did hurt to not speaking with you. Maybe after your party you could come to my place? I’ll cook...” He wanted to spend time with Moose, and didn’t care if it was obvious. 

“Kev, me and Midge aren’t together.” Moose shakes his head. That’s what he’s been trying to tell the boy since that day. “She showed up at my house in tears. I wasn’t going to shove her away.” Midge still meant something to him. They had been friends way before they started dating. But Kevin meant something to him too. “But you saw it all wrong. Nothing happened between me and her. And I don’t plan on anything happening anytime soon.” She has hurt him too much with their last breakup. It would take a lot more than a hug for her to make him want her again. “You broke a lot of trust too with telling Reggie but Kev, that doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you. Be around you. I know why you said it and I have talked with someone.. kinda. I needed space but that didn’t mean i didn’t want you.” Moose had missed Kevin more than he probably should have.

“Midge and I..you me-.” Kevin didn’t intend to blurt that part out, it came out due to nerves and shock. His mouth hung open, shaking his head in absolute disbelief. “Wait..so that night you two...weren’t contemplating getting back at me.” Kevin went red in the face, feeling like an absolute idiot because he once again let his worried thoughts and reckless behaviors get the best of him. “Moose. I...I...” For a moment he was just looking at Moose, not knowing what to say. “..I’m sorry.” All Kevin had to do was hear Moose out at the time, and not spend the past two weeks ignoring Moose and only bringing more problems to the situation that Kevin planned on putting off. “Believe me when I say that doing that has been on my mind since it happened..” Kevin was clearly apologetic, and told Moose before they parted ways. “I really did want to talk to you but I..really thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.” He solved most situations with running away or getting buried in his own reckless behaviors. Never has Kevin handled grief greatly, and he was open with Moose about it. He didn’t care much about being gone, Kevin grabbed Moose’s hand from under the table. “I don’t know if this is too much but...I really did miss you, Marmaduke.”

Moose had tried calling him, texting him. Even tried to see if he could catch him after practice but it was like Kevin had disappeared. The thought of not having Kevin around had his chest hurting all week. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. To explain…” The boy had seen Moose and Midge on his porch but it had been nothing but two friends talking. After that, he hadn’t heard or seen Kevin. “Actually I was hoping I’d see you today. Maybe you can swing by to a party I’m having?”

“Explain?” Kevin fixated on that one word before replaying the conversation in his mind. He took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m sorry about not talking to you or texting but I...just felt so bad about what I did and then I saw you and Midge together when I wanted to apologize..” Kevin bit his bottom lip. “But it’s okay, Moose. I’m glad you and Midge found one another again...” It clearly hurt him to say that, but he pulled a smile smile back on his face. “Party? Yeah..I’d like that. I’m always here, you know.”

Midge was stopping by pops before heading to Mooses party when she noticed Kevin, the boy she hadn’t seen in a few days “Oh my goodness, Kevin I just wasn’t expecting to see you here, I feel like you went off the grid”She laughed a little “Are you coming to Mooses birthday party?”She asked taking a sip of her milkshake

Kevin smiled when he spotted Midge, they really hadn’t been speaking much since the start of the semester. It wasn’t any ill will, but the last time he spotted her at Moose’s door. That event was what triggered his spark of events, but in reality, he came to the realization that he really should have investigated the situation more than assuming. “Yeah....I actually did go off the grid in a way. I..was in New York.” He ate a a bite of his burger before continuing. “Will I be there?” Kevin questioned. “Y-yeah  how are the both of you doing?” He saw them together hugging, and figured that was a sign they were back together.”

Kevin had been on his mind. Being his birthday, there was one person he wanted to spend it with. The party would be cool and all his friends would be there. But Kevin always made things more fun. As he was grabbing milkshakes for him and Marsha, he stops when he sees the boy who hadn’t been in class or anywhere on this planet that Moose could look for. “Kev.. I’m always happy to see you.” The boys needed to talk but it was going to be harder than he thought.

“Moose...” Kevin said, not expecting the male to be in next to him at the moment. He smiled, taking a sip of his milkshake. He had no idea if Moose had been texting him or any attempts at contacting him, still feeling guilty about his past actions. Should he feel guilty about his lack of contact? That was all perspective, but he felt as if it was needed for himself. He extended his arms, inviting the male to sit down. “I......really did miss speaking to you while I was gone.” Kevin nodded his head, glad that Moose had a positive reaction to him coming back. “And...I remembered that it’s your birthday..I’m...really sorry Moose..for everything..”

His dad gave Kevin the truck, a fair amount of cash, and his brown leather jacket that Tom Keller apparently went on the same journey with. Kevin went to the big city, found the cheapest Air Bnb, and did a lot of exploring. This simple journey turned into nights under the neon club lights, sight seeing in central park, a couple of hook ups, and museums. Kevin managed to clear his mind enough to believe he could go back to Riverdale.

He didn’t talk to any of his friends back home, and his dad would tell Kevin’s close friends that he was going to be gone for a short amount of time. The first move he made was to Pop’s Diner and taking a seat at his favorite and usual booth. As he ordered his food, Kevin spotted a person who had been next to his table. 

“You know..I can’t tell if you’re happy, shocked, or not content that I’m here.”

[open starter]

Alice walked into the gymnasium looking for her two daughters, she was worried on what the storm would do but glad that they were safe somewhere in the hall she had lost them. She walked around and noticed a lot of Southsiders as she shook her head “Couldn’t they open anywhere for the southside to go in this thing? I mean the hall is crammed already” Alice says as she stands by the water table looking around. “Hopefully it won’t be long before we can get to go home, this is no place to have newborn babies around.”

Kevin had been helping his dad with getting people the supplies they needed and handing out blankets to each person who hadn’t brought any. “I think it was something about the buildings possibly not being up to code. That’s a rumor that I heard through the twitter vine.” He stated, taking a drink of water because he’d already been stressed out. “I agree, Mrs. Cooper. How are you doing by the way?”

Kevin once again put on his running gear, immediately heading to the place that managed to always soothe his mind. Fox Forest. Kevin packed his bag full of more beer that he’d taken from his dad, going to head to the forest. He wasn’t going to hook up, but the location usually brought him in a good mood. Maybe he would hook up, he always lived in the moment.

Kevin arrived within 10 minutes of his run, nearly falling several times and almost throwing up. He didn’t believe this was happening, that he completely ruined something (at least in his mind). Kevin laid out the blanket, immediately laying on it and popping open another case of beer.

For some reason he thought to text Moose, a simple response would help, maybe even ease his mind. He was drunk, why should consequences be a thing.

Kevin messed up, he didn’t think that telling Reggie about him and Moose would have the repercussions it did. The both of them parted ways when Kevin admitted the truth at school, and the rest of the day was something Kevin couldn’t handle. He vowed to not out Moose, vowed to never hurt him, but here he was doing exactly the opposite. In that moment, he was completely full of guilt. His heart was hurting, and his mind had been completely cluttered with every bad situations.

What if Moose stopped speaking to him? What if Moose remained mad at him? What if him and Moose were done? The Keller boy was in chemistry, fresh off Moose telling him that the two should not speak for a bit of time. Lunch with his friends had Kevin on his phone, looking back at all the pictures he took of him and Moose hanging out, ignoring the fresh gossip and talks that he was usually thriving off.

Kevin texted his dad, telling him that he needed to be picked up because of the sick feeling in his stomach. It was almost as if his entire world came crashing down on him - and he realized that he really did have feeling for Moose that were stronger than what he’s been ignoring. All he could feel was his heart beating, jaw clenching, and staring at his phone hoping everything would be okay. This was all a bad dream. He thought he’d been doing the right thing, but it was exactly the opposite.

Kevin’s dad picked him up, asking Kevin a variety of questions but he couldn’t hear because of his own thoughts that were louder than the reality he was living in. Once he got home he immediately went to his room, pondering over exactly how he was going to fix this. The first thing he did was lay down, falling victim to the dream world that would pull him from reality. It had only been a few hours, but it was better than nothing.

It was 9 PM when Kevin woke up, and for a moment he felt at peace. He always texted Moose right after a nap, but once he opened his phone, the reality once again hit him. Kevin had to make this right, even if Moose didn’t want to speak to him. He put on his usual running shorts, shoes, and shirt with the full intentions of making this right.

Adrenaline set in, and for the entire run, Kevin had a happy feeling that things would be made right. Moose’s house wasn’t far, and the memories of the summer along with the past few weeks of school were fresh on his mind. He’d been crying all day, constantly escaping to the bathroom during school and giving off the vibe he was sick.

Moose’s house was within view, and all Kevin needed to do was cross the street. When he finally looked up, he saw a scene that punched harder than anything before.

Midge Klump was standing at the door, and Moose and her were having a moment that suddenly reminded Kevin of the feelings that moose had, the same position he thought he’d been in when the summer had started. It was a battle he thought he had a chance, but apparently it was exactly the opposite. Tears ran through his eyes, and the image of them had been burned together. For years Kevin washed his crush be with Midge, getting hurt with just the site and thought of them together. Every moment, believing that he’d never have a chance. Being the Kevin Keller that would be alone, and walking alone. Everything was once again repeating itself. Kevin was alone again.

Moose watched him for a moment. It was rare that he got mad at Kevin. He didn’t like getting mad at people he liked. Midge and Kevin included. But Midge had lost that over the summer. Now Kevin does this? It wasn’t something he thought he’d do.

He closes his eyes for a second, more to gather himself than anything else. Letting Kevin touch him was a big step. Midge couldn’t touch him if he got mad at her. “I know you didn’t, Kev. But it would definitely be best to just.. lay off it for a bit.” Moose needed time to regroup. Especially if Reggie said anything to anyone. or to Midge.

Kevin was happy that Moose didn’t leave his touch, but the words only kicked him. Needing space. Not the exact term, but it kept echoing in his head. He backed away, not wanting to make this harder than it already was and having his mistake only beating him up more. He put his hands down, giving Moose a sad look that he tried his best to hide.

Kevin could feel tears coming on, and he was trying his best to keep them from being shown to Moose because Kevin was in the wrong. “I..I understand.” He kissed Moose on the cheek, the tears were quickly coming down and he hoped one didn’t fall onto Moose. Kevin turned around. “I’m sorry, Moose. I hope to talk to you again soon.” His voice was definitely cracking even when he’d been attempting to hide it. He bit his lip and started walking back out of the room in their school. “I’m..really sorry.”

“ yeah , i know he will be . i ‘ ll promise not to tell anybody , but i dunno how much that ‘ ll help . “ he really didn ‘ t know how to handle it , which was becoming more & more clear to him by the second - but he figured that he might just say to moose what he ‘ d want someone to tell him if it somehow got out that he definitely wasn ‘ t straight . “ well , you haven ‘ t been doing too bad at hiding it . & , yeah , i ‘ d call it a relationship , if you ‘ ve been messing around , even if it ‘ s not that serious . “ he shrugged , smiling a little . “ anything i ‘ m decent at other than sports is a pretty well - kept secret . & it ‘ s … hard to get if you ‘ re not right in the middle of it , i guess . it ‘ s a lot of pressure , lot of fear . dunno what to be if you ‘ re not - “ he cut himself off , & shrugged again , not wanting to say anything that would hit a little too close to home , that would show a little too much about him . “ i don ‘ t know shit , really . “

“ i appreciate your honesty. and thank you for that. believe it or not i’ve only told you and betty. though i think cheryl knows because i vaguely remember her smiling from behind moose but that may just have been a dream.” he sighed once more, shaking his head. “ i’m going to tell him today. moose has been the one guy that has actually cared about me in this way and i’m going to take the consequences.” kevin wasn’t like most the people in his school, he didn’t bullshit, and he didn’t hide things from other people. his situations tended to happen because of his own reckless mistakes that he’d take responsibility for. “ you and moose are a lot alike. pressure seems to really come to you like an awful ex.” kevin looked at reggie, being true to his words and not holding back. “you know a lot. i’ve realized that you and moose are smarter than you give yourself credit for. “ he chuckled. “hopefully if i can get past all this with moose, we can hang out more. i’ve never been on the reggie end of things, usually watching from afar.”