Shitpost Blog Probably

i love having a corporeal form. i love eating warm food on cold days. i love taking hot showers. i love sleeping on clean sheets. i delight in earthly decadence. i wake up and eat warm bread slathered in butter. i own multiple pairs of soft fuzzy socks. this body is so comfy and i'm not returning it any time soon

Babe it's decomposing

and yet i am NOT DONE USING IT

REANIMATE REUSE RECYCLE

In elementary school, my best friend and I had this game we would play where we were school supplies living inside a child's desk and going on slice-of-life adventures inside it. And I remember that a key component of our school supply society was a sort of religious schism that existed around the purpose and nature of the giant hand that occasionally reached in to grab different citizens, use them, and then return them, because most school supplies considered this an auspicious and enviable moment of being selected for a greater purpose and allowed a glimpse of a vast truth, but pencils considered it a horrible portent of doom because they always got sharpened during it and came back smaller and closer to death. We were third graders btw.

i firmly believe that one of the reasons tumblr latched onto project hail mary so hard is because we're all so obsessed with the dead wife trope lately and grace is his own dead wife. half of the book/film is grace experiencing a dead wife montage about himself and that's beautiful to me

My middle school gave you detention if you didn’t turn in your homework on time did I ever tell y’all about that

at mine if u were late for more than 6 days in a semester (not in a row, just 6 total) you got detention. crazy

There’s already the consequences of getting a bad grade. When adults are late getting their stuff in at job they don’t get put in baby jail. They just face normal social and professional consequences of their actions. Why is it acceptable to add afternoon jail on top of the regular consequences when the person is twelve?

God I love Apothecary Diaries. Maomao is like a dog with a mouth full of Lego bricks to me. Babygirl don’t eat that

So imagine you go to a brothel and when you get there it’s full of beautiful women but then also there’s this dog. And when you ask “hey what’s with the dog” they’re like oh the dog, we love the dog, everybody loves the dog, the dog collects rocks from the yard. And you’re like “okay” but later you find the dog gathering piles of rocks and cementing them into a beautiful river-stone wall to protect the building. And you’re like “I didn’t even know dogs could do that”. And they’re like “that’s nothing, check this out” and then the dog starts doing multiplication with the rocks. You’re like “what the fuck” and they go “nahh she’s just getting started”. And they start giving the dog complex mathematical formulas that the dog answers by laying out the rocks. And you go “holy shit that’s the smartest dog I’ve ever seen”. And they go “it’s the smartest dog in the world” and you’re like “wow that’s amazing”. And then you look outside and the dog is eating the rocks. And you’re like “can the dog eat rocks?”. And they’re like “no”

One day you find out the dog went missing. “We don’t know where the dog went but we miss the dog”, the beautiful women tell you. A year later the dog comes back. The dog is accompanied by the Duke of wales. “My gardener stole this dog but now I would like to buy it”, he says. “The dog has built me a beautiful castle and solved the viscount’s mysterious murder.” You aren’t sure how the dog did that by stacking rocks but you’re still incredibly impressed. The beautiful women are so happy to see the dog again. “Did you know that the dog can ride a bike?” The Duke asks. You look at the dog. The dog is obviously concealing a mouth full of gravel

This is the post that enticed me to watch apothecary diaries and now that I am watching apothecary diaries I am constantly pointing at the very deliberately cat-coded character, whose name is 'cat-cat', and shouting 'this dog can EAT ROCKS?'.

I’ve gotten so many messages about this post because Maomao is EXPLICITLY cat-coded with cat motifs and cat associations with cat jokes but the truth is there was no energy I could think of that captured her baffling aura like a large old farm dog dog eating a rock. Cat eating plastic? Cat opening doors? Cat eating legos? No, she is my grandpa’s very clever old sheepdog who would roll his eyes at you and tiredly and patiently perform very human tasks as you asked him to like a 56 year old underpaid chain-smoking senior retail colleague and then turn around and try and eat a rock. In a world of elegant show-breed cats she is a cat yes but also The Most Dog cat there ever was. And she’s eating rocks