fun things

Tim dismantled Dick's fridge at 4am because it's leaking and Dick stumbles out of his bedroom to find all his food on the counter top and Tim face timing Bernard while his ice cream melts.

Tim has these really weird growth spurts and he can literally shoot up about two or three inches overnight and Dick is just watching his little brother tower over him.

Tim traumadrumps on him without meaning to. Sometimes he's just in the middle of lunch and he'll mention in passing that he was never held as a kid or something.

Tim will sometimes appear in Dick's apartment and make food. Dick once walked in from patrol in Bludhaven to find Tim making a giant pastrami sandwich, despite Dick having nothing in his fridge.

Tim sometimes hacks Dick's streaming services and changes the preferred language to get him to learn a new language. Now he's stuck watching Love Island in Arabic.

Tim will on occasion just start laughing to himself and Dick suspects it's either Joker Jr trauma or he's been Jokerized but Tim just says no, he's thinking of an obscure meme.

Tim sends Dick the most out of pocket memes and Tiktoks. Not brainrot but something more eerie and chilling.

Also, slightly related, did you know that when a kid eats shit and bursts out crying, sometimes it's not bc they're actually hurting, it's more just bc they're Fuckin Spooked that the ground is suddenly that close. Basically, I like to think Martha still had that classic mum experience of comforting a crying kiddo when he fell over (and also considering that still sometimes happens when you're an adult (source: that time I slipped on a tupperware lid and wrenched my shoulder trying to catch myself on a kitchen sideboard) I like to think that Clark still does that occasionally when the circumstances line up Just Right)

Clark absolutely did and does it. Ma got worried when Clark's foot got trampled once and the kid didn't yelp and the neighbours started frowning so she taught him that if he got an "injury", he had to play it up. Not wailing and throwing himself on the ground persay but a wince or grimace there, some tears maybe. Honestly, just any reaction. And Clark does and around the Planet he gets the reputation of saying really funny country expletives when "hurt" like "son of a biscuit" or "darn, that smarts".

*Alfred walking into the dining room to see Jason hunched over a laptop with Dick and Tim crowded around his shoulders*

Dick, pointing at the screen: ok, ok- that one's mine, follow that one. and then Tim; you need to follow everybody but Bruce.

Tim: *tapping at his phone*

Jason: Tim, what's your handle?

Tim: *still tapping* hm? oh- just 'real tim drake' with capitalisation on all the words.

Dick: what are you doing?

Tim: i have access to the WE twitter account, so i'm gonna follow Jason from it to see if i can fast-track his checkmark.

Alfred, narrowing his eyes at them: what are you three doing?

Jason, grinning brightly at him: oh, hey Alfie! we're just setting up my social media, that's all.

Alfred:

Alfred: didn't your father specifically warn you not to attempt to put Master Jason on public social media so soon after his reintroduction to the public?

Dick, without blinking: yup.

Tim: we're gonna have Jason start a public war with B through the WE account.

Dick, looking back at the laptop: are you tweeting already?

Jason: yeah. 'they tried to silence me for speaking the truth when i was a child, and i made it back just fine. i'm not gonna give up on spreading awareness now; you all deserve to know the truth.' just to get everybody interested.

Tim: what are you even gonna say? i'll re-tweet it from my account and the WE one.

Jason: i dunno, the whole point is just to spread chaos and make B look bad, right?

Dick: maybe just something weird to start off with; get everybody's attention.

Jason, lighting up: ohmygod i have it-!

*keyboard tapping*

Tim, reading out from the screen: 'Bruce had to send me out the country to silence me because when i was fourteen i walked in on him and Lex Luthor naked while Bruce licked the top of Lexes bald head'.

Dick: JASO- *falls to the floor, wheezing*

Tim, desperately trying to hold back laughter: oh my god,

Alfred: *starting to get concerned*

Jason: this way i can piss off Bruce and get Lex Luthor involved. genius, right?

Dick: *crying*

Tim: WAIT OH MY GOD--i have to respond from the WE account pretending to be Bruce.

Jason, clapping: YES,

Tim: i'm gonna say something like 'i just let you back into the country, why are you doing this to me?'

Jason, cackling: YES. man, i love being alive again,

Alfred, flatly: boys, i don't think this is a very good- *resigned* oh who am i kidding, you aren't my legal responsibility,

Alfred: tea, anybody?

Dick, from the floor: i'm gonna tweet that i'm so proud of my little brother for outliving his NDA requirements and then @ you.

Alfred:

Clark twists his ankle and bruises his jaw before baseball and now Clark has to settle for watching the rest play baseball and Bruce is half smug because he told Clark that he shouldn’t try to run as fast as he could while roller skating for the FIRST time

Tim: Why are you taking me off the case? Someone is framing Conner and I need to help him!

Bruce: That's exactly why you can't be the lead detective.

Tim: Look, I know you think my judgement is clouded because I have a little crush on Conner. But I can be objective!

Tim: Name one time I've done something extreme for Conner's sake.

Dick: And?

Roy : Wally, come on, we're not fifteen anymore, I’m not going to do that.

*Dick walks into the room*

Roy : But a dare is a dare, and we have to follow them.

Because is Jason's ass for real? Tim goes into detail how Bruce barely let him patrol without constantly updating the suit. More padding, more coverage, more shock absorbition. Bruce was frantic to make sure Tim was protected because he couldn't save Jason. "By the end of my first month, I couldn't fucking walk," Tim tells him. "The man was literally one bruise away from rolling me in bubble wrap."

Don Falcone: I dreamed of this day.

Selina:?

Don Falcone: You're a nice surprise and all kid. Can never have too many kids in a family and daughters, they're precious, ain't they? No, I'm talking about Bruce Wayne.

Selina: You're going to have to run that one by me.

Don Falcone: You two are already a thing. I mean, no pressure but he's a catch, you're a Falcone and... I always wanted to make sure that boy was taken care of. I wanted to make him family and we can do that now.

Selina: We?

Don Falcone: Well, you're my last chance, kid. Sofia doesn't like him or whatever and Alberto... He may be a little off to the side.

Alberto: Homosexual, dad.

Don Falcone: Yeah, yeah, that but Bruce likes the guys too so I tried to set that up but apparently they're both... Y'know. They play the same position on the field.

Alberto: *rolling his eyes*

Selina: And you want me to-?

Don Falcone, nodding: Yes, big big Italian wedding. We can do Lake Como. We will spare no expense. For every grandson, fifteen thousand, every granddaughter, ten or abouts. What do you say, gioia mia?

UNTIL... One of Clockworks' notes show up, and Phantom pauses to read it, before surrendering to the JL, saying he'll follow them.

Now obviously, the JL are confused and suspicious, but eventually come to the (wrong) conclusion that Phantom is just a lackey or something, and that the person who wrote the note is the real mastermind manipulating this poor innocent super-powered teenager.

Texts From Superheroes

Kon : The stars are beautiful from here.

Jon : Yeah.

Kon : But do you know who is more beautiful?

Jon : Yeah.

Jon & Kon enamored : Damian/Tim...

Kon :

Jon :

Kon : Tim is objectively more attractive.

Jon : Are you high? Damian is obviously the most beautiful.

Kon : Damian?! He's a scary, mean, stabby, assassin!

Jon : Oh you did not.

Kon : Oh but I did.

Jon : TIM IS LIKE A RACCOON HIGH ON PAIN MEDICATION!

Kon : LISTEN THERE YOU LITTLE SHIT!

-

Diana : Everyone! I received a signal of fighting in the atmosphere near the earth!

Bruce : We need to prepare.

Barry : I'm connecting us to the satellite for a visual! There it's-

Justice league :

Oliver : Am I tripping or is that your child's Clark?

Clark : I- I mean yeah but...

J'onn : The audio is connecting.

Kon audio : TIM IS THE BEST YOU BITCH! HE'S HOT, PRETTY, GORGEOUS, SMART, INCREDIBLE! WAY BETTER THAN MISTER EX ASSASSIN! *Laser eyes*

Jon audio : NOBODY ASKED YOU, YOU HALF-ASSED CLONE! DAMIAN HE'S WHAT EARTH HAVE DONE BEST! TIM CAN'T EVEN DREAM OF BEING LIKE HIM! *Throw a meteorite at him*

Justice league :

Hal : AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAH

Bruce with the biggest sigh of the world : Clark.

Sure, literally everyone in this family, including Bruce, are publically out it's still normal to be afraid to come out and Bruce thinks he just needs an extra push.

He starts asking Duke things about his love life, starts saying shit like "I'm always here for you, you know that right?" and even resorts to dumbass shit like leaving little rainbow flags in places he knows Duke will find them.

Duke is freaking out.

Duke: guys, Bruce is acting really strange.

Jason: he's always acting strange. It's Bruce.

Duke: yeah but like extra strange

Tim: strange how?

Duke: idk man he's like, being strangely supportive. Like in a creepy way. And he keeps asking if I have a "lover" and what my type is. It's really weirdly invasive and I don't know what to do

Everyone:

Jason, starts laughing hysterically:

Dick: Duke-

Tim: oh my god.

Dick: Duke he-

Steph, wheezing: holy shit

Dick: Duke he thinks your gay and he's trying to see if you'll come out to him

Duke: but I'm not gay ????

Jason, still laughing: I think he just assumes any kid around him is some form of gay at this point

Damian: I suppose none of us are heterosexuals

So, Duke has to sit Bruce down and break the news that he is straight and exclusively likes girls. Bruce is surprised, thanks him for telling him and now says shit like "I know it's hard but we can get through this"

The kids love it.

Dick: That's correct, yes.

TSH: So, what was it Like Coming out? Was it still intimidating, even though you were surrounded by people just like you?

Jason: well, you see: most of us didn't really "come out" in the way people usually do. The only two that had a formal conversation with B was Tim and Duke.

TSH: Duke?

Duke, cuing up the tears: it was... really hard, being the only straight person in a house full of non-straight people...

Duke, sobbing dramatically: the hate I've faced as a straight man has been... ohhhh!

Duke, barely suppressing his laughter: I was so worried I was gonna be kicked out!

Tim, laughing, making up a lie: I had to tell Bruce that I liked women AS WELL AS men, just for Duke to be comfortable coming out as straight.