Im Pretending Im In Space

i need money

what did i do today? not much. i planned to read (i didn’t) i did do some essay plans for my class. I made some avocado and onion salad, ate unhealthy snacks. i watched 2 episodes of a tv show on netflix and then the newest episode of the last of us. I drank lemon water and had some raisins. I scrolled through instagram, tiktok and tumblr, sent a message to my mom and sister, then i read some manga in bed. I guess it doesn’t sound like nothing when i type it all out, huh?

yeah i’m in the work force (i work by force)

I don’t have trouble making friends, really. Well I do but I still make them. I just struggle to be closer than that. Close the distance? I don’t know why I can’t open up or be completely genuine with someone. Why can’t I?

I ate a lot of green grapes today

Wish I had someone as who would be as excited by playing board games as me

I love you

Being with you makes me hate the parts of myself I can’t fix

I’m tired of sacrificing myself. I want to be selfish

Days are passing fast. I can’t keep up

Today our maid left a trash bag on our door step which meant that when our mail man came to deliver, he proceeded to get his foot stuck inside of said trash bag when handing me our letters. As he was mid-falling over, I closed the door, partially so I didn’t have to interact with him or otherwise not to embarrass him. I watched him have to get back up from the floor and brush himself off from the doors peephole. I’m not a good person.

Anyways

It’s knowing that he’s getting away with it as well and I’ll be punished for ‘provoking’ him is really sad. I can’t help but cry from having to feel so helpless at times like this.