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cw: 4k+ wc (lol), female reader, disgustingly self indulgent, you're accidentally introduced to your fwb oliver aiku's family as his girlfriend, he has the time of his life while you internally panic the entire fic, introspection, trust issues, you're going through it I'm afraid, good luck pushing him away tho
Mornings in Oliverâs kitchen are quiet, sunlight bleeds through the large windows and washes over his marble countertops, something frizzles in a pan, the low murmur of the coffee machine a comforting sound in the background as a new day starts.
The mornings are quiet whether youâre there or not but especially if youâre there. He knows youâre not a morning person and thatâs why, after you ever so rarely spend the night, Oliver doesnât try too hard to strike conversation. Youâre usually just there, either sitting on the island or helping him out, ready to grab a bite and be on your way before he has the chance to offer a second cup of coffee. Itâs practical. Itâs convenient.
Itâs unusual, how eerily quiet you are today.
Somethingâs on your mind, that vortex of secret thoughts he has such a hard time reading, guessing, interpreting. You guard the castle of your inner realm with fairly high walls and it no longer feels like a lost challenge, his inability to pierce them. Itâs dissatisfying in ways he canât, wonât express.Â
That doesnât mean he can bring himself to stay away, quietly indulge your stubborn distancing.
âPenny for your thoughts?â, he brushes his nose against yours and you offer a smile, legs lazily wrapped around his waist from where youâre sitting on the counter.
âIâm hungry. And you look handsome while cookingâ.
Oliver hums, still not entirely convinced.
âWhy these, then?â, his thumb gently presses between your brows, smoothing over the little creases you get whenever youâre pondering something you wonât share.
âIâm soreâ, you lie and he sees right through it, âso thanks for thatâ.
âYouâre welcomeâ, he grins. And then he just stays there, looking at you, waiting. Expectant in a way that makes your palms clammy.
âI wanted to talk to you about somethingâ, you start, unsure. Oliver hums.
âUh ohâ, he jokes but not as flippant as he always gets.
You feel sick. Heâs probably expecting some pathetic love confession, because of course youâd be the one to catch feelings. Is it even possible not to fall prey to his charm? Itâs not even fair to be upset about it. Oliver is a good man: heâs polite, communicative, honest. You knew what this was from the very start.
Little does he know, thereâs no need to be so tense about it. Youâre not about to burden him with your unrequited feelings, on the contrary, youâre finally going to take the entire weight off his shoulders. You had your fun together but this is no longer fun for you. Itâs embarrassing, complicated, the mere thought of who he may be on the nights when youâre not together starting to get more and more gut-wrenching.
âWhat is it?â, heâs not making this easy, not by whispering in that hushed, intimate tone you find so attractive. Not as heâs so close his lips are brushing against yours.
âI donât think weâŠâ.
âOliver?â.
You both freeze. Your legs go limp as he slowly turns around and takes an uncertain step forward.
âMom?â.
There are three women youâve never seen before in his kitchen and they all remind you of him somehow. The younger girl is insistent in keeping her eyes on you as you jump down from the kitchen island, horrified.
âYou promised youâd take us shopping, remember? You wanted to comeâ, his mother tilts her head, eyes darting to you for just a moment.
âI rememberâ, Oliver clears his throat, âyouâre early. I thought we were supposed to meet atâŠâ.
âCoach moved todayâs training to Fridayâ, the younger girl is still looking at you, âis she your new girlfriend?â.
He runs a hand through his hair and you pray to god the kitchen floor will open to swallow you whole.
âUhm, actually I-â
âOh, dearâ, his mom smiles and sheâs so beautiful your voice dies in your throat, âwe finally get to meet one of your partners!â.
âWhich number is this one?â.
âKayaâ, Oliverâs warning is stern and his youngest sister finally looks away.
âIâm sorryâ, you bow, mortified, and quietly introduce yourself, âI was just about to leaveâ.
âDonât mind herâ, the woman who is probably his older sister offers you a friendly smile and takes a step forward, âIâm Mia. Why donât you come with us?â.
Their momâs face lights up.
âWhat a wonderful idea! Yes, please come!â.
âOh, no, really, I donât think it would beâŠâ.
âItâs just a few hours of shopping, itâll be funâ, Mia winks, âplus, we could use additional opinions. Right, Kaya? You always complain about momâs horrible tasteâ.
The younger girl shrugs.
âI guess. Letâs just get goingâ.
âHeyâ, you murmur, taking him by the arm as everyone else leaves the room. There must be a way out, heâs certainly alarmed at the thought of you crossing such a boundary. Hanging out with his family. âIâll tell them I feel sick or something and just go home, okay?â.
Oliver wets his lips, pensive as his gaze takes in yours.
âReally? Itâs just a few hoursâ.
You open your mouth then close it again, at a loss for words. He leans in closer.
âItâd break my momâs heart to find out we liedâ.
âTechnically, we didnât lie-â
âOli, itâs late!â, Kayaâs harsh tone interrupts what wouldâve been a hopefully convincing enough string of excuses. They melt on your tongue anyway, when he takes your hand.
Turns out, Kaya is about to turn 18 and the party sheâs planning is going to be a big deal. Finding the perfect dress and making sure everyone wears something passable (her words, not yours) is mandatory.
Sheâs acting very wary but you wouldnât dream of holding it against her. Youâre a stranger, intruding in something she was supposed to do with her family, itâs only right. The only reasons why youâre accompanying them are Oliverâs mom, whose sweetness is leaving you no chance but to keep the act up, and Oliver himself, who seems way too comfortable with the blatant lie youâre both hiding behind.
Still, you try to keep your respectful distance. Theyâre a nice family, you can see the sincere fondness tying them together in invisible, golden strings. Itâs in the way Kaya bickers with her brother but smiles so big when he comes back with a million dresses in his arms, huffing and puffing about how annoying she is. Itâs in the way his mom tenderly ruffles his hair and, instead of circumventing her touch, he pulls her closer with an arm around her shoulders. Itâs in the way Mia flicks his forehead and Kaya asks for her older sisterâs advice despite the perpetually grumpy exterior.
âDonât be so tense, she can smell fearâ, Oliver casually whispers in your ear before disappearing into the store to help his girls, like he calls them, look for the perfect pair of shoes. Youâre left with Kaya, who looks both unfazed and devastatingly pretty in the dress sheâs almost convinced is the one.
You gather all your confidence and casually clear your throat.
âExcited about turning eighteen?â.
âDonât talk to me like you know meâ, she doesnât spare you a single glance. You shrug.
âSorry. I just remembered how my party was. I was really nervous, as if my life was on the verge of changing forever. I remember finally getting bold enough to confess to the boy I had a devastating crush onâ, you donât look at her while you talk, attention diverted to a couple coats hanging just outside the fitting room. A brief silence follows.
âAnd?â, she pushes. You hide a smile.
âWe danced, shared a piece of cake. He was so handsome, tall, really kind in turning me downâ.
âWhat? Are you serious?â.
âYeah, turns out I wasnât really his type. Which is fine. I ended up going out with his best friendâ.
When you turn to look at her, your gaze softens. She seems pensive, still looks really young despite her age.
âHow do you even know when youâre somebodyâs type anyway?â, Kaya is reluctant in asking the question. You wish you could offer more solid reassurance.
âYou find someone honest and value that honesty more than anything else. If they make you feel like you can trust them, if theyâre willing to prove how special you are to them, chances are theyâre worth keeping aroundâ.
She hums, half a sound that makes you bite back a chuckle.
âWell, since youâre here, you might as well provide feedback. Thoughts on the dress?â.
Kaya seems to be really struggling to keep the hostile facade up but you know better than to make it obvious you noticed.
âI liked the previous one better. Iâd still get this one tooâ.
She tries to resist it but finally ends up offering a tiny smile.
âMy thoughts exactlyâ.
âHere. About a thousand shoes to go with the perfect dressâ, Oliver, Mia and their mom are finally back with their arms filled with colorful, stylish options.
âActuallyâ, Kaya corrects her brother with a grin, âafter careful consideration, I decided youâre paying for both dressesâ.
Itâs not lost on him, the conspirational look she shares with you for just a brief second. Thankfully, you donât have to face any consequence because Mia claims your attention and you get to quickly elude whichever accusation Oliverâs narrowed gaze harbors.
âYou should try this onâ, she eagerly pushes a dress right into your arms and you only have the time to feel how nice the fabric is against your skin. Far nicer that what your wallet would usually allow.
âBut weâre here for Kayaâ, you try to hang the dress back but Mia furrows her brows, keeping it caged in your hands by gently holding your wrists.Â
âCome on, I think itâs perfect for you! You can wear it when mom invites you over for dinnerâ, her lips curl into a sly smile.
âYou think thatâs gonna happen?â, you try to dissimulate the panic in your voice as best as you can and, thankfully, Mia mistakes your terror for regular excitement. If only.
âOf course. Oliver doesnât introduce just anyone to usâ.
With a nervous chuckle, you focus your gaze on a sales assistant trying to convince a woman to try an expensive coat on because itâs just her color.
âYeah, about thatâŠâ.
âTruly, I think the last time we met one of his partners was years agoâ.
âMia, we didnât plan this. Like, at allâ, your fingers tighten around the fabric of the beautiful dress youâre still holding, âitâs just a coincidence, he didnât mean to..â.
Her genuine laugh interrupts your desperate string of awkward excuses.
âYou think he wouldnât have been able to get out of this if he wanted to?â, her smile softens at the sight of the deep lines settling on your forehead, âhe doesnât mind having you hang out with us. Which, I believe, says a lot. If not about him, at least about youâ.
âWhat do you mean?â.
She shrugs.
âYou earned Oliverâs trust. Whatever you two are, it makes you pretty special anywayâ.
Her chuckle fills the air again when you awkwardly cough, embarrassed. Of course sheâd see right through the stupid lie he decided to back up, which is simply mortifying.
âTry the dress onâ, Miaâs eyes twinkle with mirth, âplease? For me?â.
âOkayâ, you sigh. Anything to escape her painfully knowing and yet somehow lenient gaze.
You slip into an empty fitting room, trying not to draw any attention. The dress is simple but incredibly beautiful, crafted in lightweight white wool and silk, embroidered with a gradient of coral beads on the top and bottom. Itâs something youâd pick too, in a regular shop. You donât ever remember stepping foot inside a designer boutique but it shouldnât come as a surprise that the Aiku family was warmly welcomed and followed around the minute they arrived.
Oliver is still sipping on his champagne when you bashfully step out. His mom gasps and promptly hands him her glass of sparkling water.
âMia insisted-â, you start and, as if summoned, she appears by your side out of thin air.
âLook at you! Itâs gorgeous, of course I insisted!â, she chirps, hands frantically smoothing the fabric of the dress as you awkwardly stand there, gaze kept low.
âI love itâ, her mom gets up from the velvet sofa, hands clasped, âyou should get it!â.
âMineâs prettier but it doesnât look too badâ, Kaya eyes you with a seemingly unimpressed gaze that dissipates part of your stiffness and makes you melt into a chuckle.
As much as you try to avoid it, Oliverâs intense stare ends up locking you in place. You try not to squirm underneath it but he doesnât seem inclined to say a word, which is weird and makes you feel oddly vulnerable. Itâs usually quite hard to shut him up.
âYouâre staring like a weirdoâ, Kaya lightly elbows him in the ribs. He doesnât falter.
âI donât think Iâm going to get itâ, you clear your throat and do your best to ignore his momâs brokenhearted objection, âbut itâs really pretty! Mia has tasteâ. She mirrors your smile, lightly adjusts one of the tie-up shoulder straps.
âMaybe next time, then. Doesnât she look great in this, Oli?â.
You find his eyes again and this time his expression is somehow softer.
âYeahâ, he breathes, âIâm a lucky manâ.
âYikesâ, Kaya, sitting next to him, rolls her eyes. He flicks her arm.
âArenât you a bit old to be jealous?â.
âIâm not jealous. Youâre just cornyâ.
âAww, my baby sister still wants her big bro all to herself? SĂŒĂâ, with a mischievous grin, he pulls her in with an arm around the shoulders, laughs at the way she grimaces.
Everyone giggles at the sight and you canât control it, the way your smile grows while they keep bickering. His mom gently squeezes your shoulder and you wish you could bask in that warmth, in a familiarity that will only last the space of one late morning.
Oliver gets you alone outside a different boutique, he just gives his card to his sister and tells her to get whatever bag she thinks will go best with her birthday outfit. One bag, is the only warning. Heâs not entirely sure sheâll comply.
âAre you absolutely hating this?â, he asks only because he knows you arenât. Although heâs not convinced you may be possibly enjoying it as much as he weirdly, unexpectedly, is.
âWhat? No, of course not. Theyâre lovelyâ.
âLovelyâ, he repeats, amused, âeven Kaya?â.
âSheâs seventeen, Iâm a stranger. Cut her some slackâ.
He hums.
âYou managed to have her warm up to you though, I can tellâ.
âWe just talked. I like how close you are, theyâre all veryâŠâ, you stay pensive for a second, trying to come up with the right words, âI can see glimpses of you in them and of them in you. I like your familyâ.
âAnd they like youâ, he says and the gentleness of his tone makes your stomach do a weird flip.
âHereâ, Oliver hands you one of the bags Kayaâs left in his hands ahead of running to a different store, âbut youâre not allowed to protestâ.
Confused, you take the elegant bag and peek inside.
âNoâ, you say right away and try to give it back to him, âare you insane? Take this, return itâ.
âSorry, no can do. Told the sales assistant that if anyone tries to return it, including me, sheâs not authorized to accept it. Under any circumstances. I can sound very proper and serious when I order people around, Iâm team captain after allâ, he smiles, offers a playful wink. Youâre horrified.
âThis dress costsâŠâ.
âI donât careâ.
âBut I canât accept-â
âI donât careâ.
âOliver!â, you whine, feeling as pathetic as ever.
âCanât I ever do anything for you?â, he cocks his head, looking every bit as innocent as intended.
âCanât you do something that doesnât involve spending a terrifying amount of yens?â, you fire back.
âI make my own rulesâ, his smirk makes you groan, âplease, just take it. I promise I wonât ever get you anything elseâ.
âYouâre lyingâ.
âI amâ.
Exasperated, you deflate and stop the useless attempts at giving the bag back. Heâs infuriating. The way heâs looking at you, gaze hazy with affection, makes your heart ache. It prompts a weird feeling to unfurl in your chest, one you absolutely cannot wallow in.
âThank you. Also, I hate youâ, you murmur. His laugh is sweet, the hand rising to cradle your cheek rough but warm.
âI donât believe youâ, his thumb gently strokes the portion of skin right underneath your eye and for a moment you forget to breathe.
Itâs just a second: you allow yourself to lean into his familiar touch, pretend not to notice the tenderness laced into the gaze youâre avoiding. And then, Mia is kind enough to keep her voice extra loud to signal that theyâre back, to give you the chance to take a step back and avoid the umpteenth awkward interaction of the day.
You try to hide the bag but, surprisingly, itâs Kaya who puts you at ease with a seemingly indifferent comment about being glad Oliver got it for you: it wouldâve been a waste to leave a dress that beautiful.Â
Theyâre nice to you. They are so nice to you. For a few hours it makes you forget that, hopefully, this is the last time youâre going to see Oliver at all. Itâs for the best, for you heart and his time. You donât care that heâs being sweet, that heâs willing to have you hang out with his family, that heâs looking at you like that. You just know opening up to him would require too much work on your side and too much patience on his, itâs just not worth it for any of the parties involved. You will leave the dress at his apartment and disappear from his life without a second thought. Yes, itâs a good plan. Heâll get over it in two days and you⊠well, youâll surely manage somehow.Â
âHow did you guys meet?â, Mia takes a bite out of her burger after asking the question and suddenly, everyone is looking at you. Oliver languidly hooks his ankle around yours underneath the table.
âI tried cutting in line at a cafe and she got so upset she spilled her coffee on meâ.
âIt was an accident!â, you protest, outraged.
âOliverâ, his mom shakes her head, feigning exasperation.
âI was late for practiceâ, he pouts, âshe ruined my favorite shirtâ.
âYouâre making me want to spill more coffee on you right nowâ.
Mia chuckles.
âAnd then?â, Kaya lazily sips on her strawberry milkshake but you can tell sheâs invested.
âShe was so sweet, tried to pay for the dry cleanerâ, he grins and you roll your eyes, âwe met again at a mutual friendâs party the same weekâ, which is a nice way to say he used to fuck your roommate and was invited to her birthday. You remember his charm, how easy it was to win everyone over in the space of one night. You remember begrudgingly chatting with him out on the balcony, the deepness of his voice, the twinkle in his beautiful eyes.
Eventually they stopped seeing each other and your roommate casually, skeptically mentioned something about his interest in you over breakfast. You never thought heâd ever actually message you over social media. You never thought his magnetic field would be so strong, his touch so addictive. Ha made you fall for him without even noticing, without trying. Without doing anything but being himself.
And now youâre his while heâs still everyone elseâs.
âSo, a bad first impressionâ, his mom smiles, knowing, beautiful eyes boring into yours, âwhat made you change your mind?â.
âMore like what made you do this to yourself?â, Kaya grins and Oliver throws a crumpled napkin at her.
You smile too. Despite being well aware of what danger his stare harbors, you still turn to look at him.
âHeâs a good manâ, you say, âhonest, really kind. He always thinks of those around him, hardly ever puts himself first. I just love how genuine and caring he isâ.
The corners of his eyes crinkle slightly as Oliver casually takes your hand and brings it to his lips, his mom softly cooing her emotion. Kaya softens up too, perhaps deciding against joking about his looks or money playing a substantial role in your change of heart.
âYou have to tell her something nice too, idiotâ, she pokes his brotherâs cheek and he chuckles.
âI was getting thereâ.
âSo?â, Mia urges, âwhat was it about her?â.
He hums, pensive. Youâre tense again, he can feel it. He hopes the thumb heâs rubbing comforting, attentive circles over your wrist with, is enough to soothe your mind. It makes him smile that you lightly bump your knee against his under the table.
âSheâs smart, way funnier than me. Disarmingly generous. I donât have to be anything but myself when Iâm with herâ, Oliver hesitates, then relaxes in his seat, âshe makes me want to be a better personâ.
Heâs a bit disappointed by the way you promptly avert your gaze with an embarrassed chuckle, wishes youâd look into his eyes more. Maybe youâd read something in them, a reason to share what youâre tormenting yourself with in that pretty little head of yours. Â Â
By the time you stumble back into his apartment, itâs the late afternoon and your traitorous heart is on the verge of undermining the rational decision you were so ready to put across only a few hours prior.
The bag with the dress is strategically left by the door, hidden behind the umbrella stand, where he wonât immediately notice it after you leave. You plop down on his couch and sigh, exhausted for more than one reason.
âTea?â, Oliver peeps out from the kitchen, âI got that ceylon one you likeâ.
âNo, thanks, Iâll leave in a bit. Can you call me a cab actually?â.
You hear the distant rattling of cups being put away and after a moment he shuffles to the living room.
âWhat cab? Iâll drop you offâ, Oliver sits next to you with an easy smile, âthanks for today. If you're mad, I can make it up to youâ, and just like that, with a gentle grasp of your chin, he angles your head just right to press a chaste kiss to your lips. You canât help but melt into him, when he runs his tongue along your bottom lip the sharp exhale you let out makes him smile.
âYouâre cute when youâre embarrassedâ, he murmurs against the spot behind your earlobe where heâs mouthing at the skin, âlooked so beautiful in that dress. How about putting it on right now just so I can take it off?â, you try to gather your thoughts enough to string a few coherent words together but Oliverâs teeth graze your ear before his lips are back on yours, eager, and the fire of your remonstrance is about ready to die. A candle burning out.
âOliverâ, you pull away but he chases you, pecks your lips again and again, âOliverâ, you try again, hand on his mouth in a silly attempt at keeping it at bay. Eyes locked to yours, he grins against your fingers and then casually parts his lips to take two of them in his mouth. Something scorching hot trails down your spine and you have to take a deep breath. Focus.
âWhen you tell them we broke up, please be nice about itâ.
He releases your fingers and you pretend not to notice the way his smile falls ever so slightly, a crack in the facade youâre not willing to question.
âYou promised youâd come to Kayaâs birthdayâ.
âYeah but we can be broken up by then-â
âItâs in three daysâ.
You sigh.
âWell, technically she didnât invite me, your mom did. I think itâll be fine if I donât show upâ.
âI know my sister, sheâs gonna ask me if youâre coming. Sheâd like to have you there, I want you thereâ.
Heâs not making it any easy for you.
âDo we really have to talk about this right now?â, he pushes, scooting even closer and resting his chin on your shoulder. You shut your eyes.
âWhy wonât you let me get close?â, he murmurs, lips inches from your neck. You clear your throat.
âWhat dâyou mean? I think you get close enoughâ, with a nervous chuckle, you hope to disperse the weird tension you can feel bubbling underneath the surface of his words.
Oliverâs nose follows the curve of your jaw, breath curling hot against your skin when he speaks again.
âThereâs a barrier, right hereâ, his finger gently taps on your chest first and then on your temple, âyou let everyone else in so easily. Not me, thoughâ.
If he feels the way your heart starts beating faster, he doesnât comment on it.
âI donât know what youâre talking about, Aikuâ.
He hums.
âI see. Itâs getting higher, canât climb over it. What are we gonna do?â.
âOliverâŠâ.
âAh, there she isâ, you can feel the curl of his smile, âif I ask you something, will you be honest?â.
You nod, not trusting the steadiness of your voice.
âDo you trust me?â.
Itâs a loaded question, one youâre unprepared for. By now, you know him well enough to understand what heâs truly asking, the implication going beyond the simple outward layer coating his scrutiny.
Oliver is asking if you trust him with what youâre keeping from him, your heart and your thoughts. Because of course heâs smart enough to notice.
âNoâ, you murmur after a few seconds of careful evaluation.
His cheek is pressed to your shoulder and dark hair tickles your chin when he nods, immersed in his own thoughts and considerations.
Oliver doesnât speak for a while, perhaps an entire minute. He wonders if the day spent with his family wasnât enough, how much of himself he has to bare for you to believe heâs worth being vulnerable for. When has he ever shied away from a challenge?
Right as youâre about to timidly ask for a cab again, the deep rumble of his voice makes your heart jump.
âIâll change thatâ.
Because it just so happens that Oliver Aiku already trusts you.
forelsket (adjective) ; the euphoria and elation experienced when first falling in love
synopsis : mikage reo has never been one for love. but when he sees you at his little sister's daycare, he's head over heels at once. he falls even further once you bump into each other on campus and start spending more time together. the only issue is that he's the heir to a billionaire conglomerate, and you're... a regular person. with university deadlines, an arranged marriage, and the weight of his parents' expectations looming over him, will reo ever get his happy ending?
pairing : mikage reo x fem!reader
genre : toothrotting fluff, university au, smau, strangers to lovers, angst
status : coming soon, [hopefully] weekly updates
warning(s) : blue lock (as a program) does not exist in this universe, all characters are >20yo & in university, swearing, suggestive content, detailed warnings will be specified in each chapter
taglist (open) : @rosieyama / @inojinieeee / @malneir / @koiukiy-o / @kukukurona / @jaeyuuns â send an ask/comment to be added <3 !
extra info : all parts & any asks pertaining to forelsket will be tagged under ' đ â forelsket ! ' the chapter titles are intended to be catchy article headlines because of y/n's field of study and are subject to change.
spotify playlist.
# CHAPTERS ::
meet the cast of hit smau forelsket! (profiles)
00 â advice on getting hired at top companies
01 â daily horoscopes: is today your lucky day?
02 â why you should support local businesses
03 â how to ask someone out on a date
04 â secret tips for better grades
05 â exclusive: local celebrities spotted in public!
06 â what to do when you argue with your partner
07 â how to recover from a breakup
08 â the ultimate guide to parenting
09 â what to do when your ex moves on too quickly
10 â seven things to ask your partner before getting married
11 â everyone is lying to you: hereâs why!
12 â donât reply to unknown numbers!
13 â why so many people no longer speak to their families
14 â how not to get over your ex
15 â best moments from classic romance movies
16 â great new mystery shows to binge
17 â anyone can be a detective!
18 â never regret your choices; hereâs how!
19 â breaking news! spilling company secrets
20 â how to make up after a fallout
epilogue â forelsket for dummies
synopsis. somewhere along the line, you started to hate suguruâthat doesnât mean you stopped loving him too
â word count. 9.5k (i am in misery)
â contents. post canon! au â fix it! (we all need a good fix it fic with suguru don't lie), this fic was started before recent manga chapters so the higher ups are still aliveâjust go with it ok :,), geto survives + lives free of kenjaku, exes to lovers, kind of redemption i suppose, mentions of blood, injuries, and weight loss (geto), mentions of canon character deaths (nanako, mimiko, nanami), mentions of wanting to raise children with geto and have a family, no gendered terms but reader has a personality and actual thoughts and feelings, references to the hunger games (you have movie night lol), BFF satoru (he is babie), there is a kiss yâall !! (scandalous i know :O)
â notes. i started this fic back in march and i had trouble with it and put it on pause for a while. iâm very glad i finished it in the end. i always like fix it! fics and this is self-indulgent and idk if ppl will read it bc itâs sfw but itâs ok if they donât, i loved writing it. thank you koi for beta-reading this whole bad boy. mwah <333
the day suguru is declared a free man is actually the day he signs away his freedom for good.Â
you say nothing, but you know itâs the truth. satoru fights tooth and nail to plead suguruâs caseâyou think itâs perhaps a little too desperate for it to be in the best interest of suguru and not himself. but satoru has suffered enough, and admittedlyâalthough you deny itâa small part of you does not want to lose suguru twice. you watch as satoru argues that suguru has already died onceâsurely he canât die again? and losing control of his body and mind is paying for his crimes enough, is it not? he argues that there are no ideals left for a man like geto suguru to chase after losing himself to every principle he had left.Â
and then satoru wins.Â
you expect it, but it doesnât make it any easier. you watch numbly as suguru is assigned under your watch. you should be happy. you love suguruâyou never stopped. but it doesnât change the fact that heâs not a free man, and now he drags your freedom with his. youâll never break away from him, never cut through the ropes that tie your hands behind your back and bind you to himâand then you wonder for a moment, unsure if itâs selfish or selfless or some cruel in-between to think this way, if geto suguru was better off dead.Â
whether thatâs for your sake, or his, youâre not sure.Â
and yes, heâs let off alive, and sure, thereâs no real punishment for all heâs done, but you know deep down heâs as chained and shackled as heâs ever been. heâs not allowed to leave the house unless you or satoru are there to chaperone, and itâs never to be anywhere near non-sorcerers. heâs not to live in a place of his own until the higher upâs deem him trustworthy. he has to ask you to buy the things he wants from the grocery store. he canât even step outside for a smoke unless youâre aware.Â
for a long time, he doesnât speak muchâcan hardly muster a barely audible morninâ back when you force a smile and greet him cheerily for breakfast. slowly, it turns into half-snarky conversations that get cut short by one of you leaving the room. finally, youâre civilâmaybe even friendly. youâre not so sure where you stand with him as of now.
itâs not the same suguru you remember falling in love with, itâs not even close to the version of the man you fell for all those years ago. itâs hard having him hereâsome days youâre angry and want to throw him out, to scream at him for haunting you again just when you think youâve moved on from the horrors of your past. some days you want to cry and cling to him, bury your face into his neck and thank him for being here again, for finding his way back to you. and some days you wish you never met him at all, that this would all be easier if it didnât exist in the first place.Â
heâs not the same geto suguru you loved, but somehow, because life is as bitter as it is ruthless, you fall in love with this version just as hard no matter how much you deny it.Â
âi made your favorite,â you smile gently, placing a neat plate of french toast with freshly cut strawberries on the side. you even take great care to get the syrup-to-powdered sugar ratio he likes right, but he doesnât make a move to reach for the plate. instead, suguru sits at the table stiffly, like he has to be here or there are consequences for that too. it almost makes you sadâeven here, heâs not free.Â
âthanks,â he says quietly, âbut iâm not hungry.â
âyou said that last night, suguru,â you sigh, âand at lunch. and at breakfast. and at dinner the night beforeââ
âiâll eat it later,â he cuts you off, playing with the ends of his hair.Â
itâs a lot shorter now. itâs you who finds his body battered and bruised after the smoke clears. heâs almost unrecognizable, not the same charming and perfect suguru youâre used to seeing. not the same silkened strands and smooth skin, not the same muscled and toned body, not the same chiseled jaw and soft cheeks. instead, heâs a shell of himself. his hair is matted in knots, his body is almost frail, and you notice the sunken hollows of his cheeks and dark undereyes as you lift him from the rubble a little too easily. but his body is his ownâthat much you can tell from the way the stitches have disappeared.Â
it takes shoko a long time to nurse him back to healthâit takes even longer for him to open his eyes.
you waited day and night by his side, hand over his as he breathed slowly, unconscious and unsuspecting. it would be so easy, you think one night, it would be so easy to kill him and forget and move on.Â
youâve already grieved him once before. youâve felt and conquered the pain of loving geto suguru and losing him first to himself and then to death. but love is as selfish as it is selfless, and itâs under your mercy that you let him liveâyet itâs under your cowardice that you keep him close.Â
âyou have to gain back the weight you lost, suguru,â you sigh, âyouâre wââ
âweak?â he finishes for you, eyeing you for a second and then grinning. itâs unsettling, a grin that makes your skin crawl and your heart stop for a moment before heâs reaching for the fork and stabbing into his toast. âis that what you wanted to say? that iâm weak?â
âsuguru, you know thatâs not how i meantââ
âyouâre not wrong,â he hums, chewing on the first bite as he speaks, âi suppose i am pretty weak right now, huh? couldnât even kill you in your sleep if i tried could i?â
your throat is dry as you shrug, âi suppose not,â you whisper.Â
âah,â he grins again, âbut that doesnât stop you from locking your door every night, does it?âÂ
suguru is still healing. his body is weak, and sometimes, he leans against the wall as he walks. his arm is healedâyouâre not entirely sure how, but you catch him rolling the shoulder out every now and then like itâs sore and stiff. heâs lost a lot of weightâpart of it is from being bedridden for as long as he was, injured and half alive, and part of it is from barely eatingâsave for the few bites you force into him. you never thought thereâd be a day when you could say thisâbut the odds of you beating suguru in hand-to-hand combat are high, and the reality is an everlasting reminder that he is not who you fell for.Â
you swallow, letting out a shaky breath as he watches you closely, diligently cutting another bite from the french toast sitting on his plate as he stares you down like he can see past your soul. you donât know whatâs scarierâthat suguru can still practically see yours, or that youâre unsure he even has one anymore.Â
âyou tried coming in?â you ask, unsure what else to say. he merely shrugs, takes another bite, and sets his fork down.Â
âthought iâd check on you,â he pops a strawberry half into his mouth as he speaks.
âis that what it really was?â you raise a brow, âor was i right to lock the door?â
youâre not sure why you lock the door at night. maybe itâs because you donât trust him, or maybe itâs because you donât want him near you just yet. youâre not sure. youâre not sure how satoru can go back to his cheery self, how he can step through your door and boom a loud yo, suguru! before settling beside suguru on the couch with his feet on the coffee table as he rambles away. maybe itâs not realâmaybe itâs satoru desperately pretending that if he tries hard enough, things can go back to how they were.Â
but you donât know how he still has the energy to try, and you donât know if you have it in you to try anymore yourself.Â
you and suguru stare each other down like that for a bit, the tension rising with every silent second that passes. youâre sure he doesnât want to be here as much as you donât want him aroundâbut youâre also sure heâs glad itâs here with you as much as youâre glad itâs with no one else.
âyou tell me,â he smirks after a bit, the hint of amusement making your fists clench. how dare he have the audacity to look at you like that in your own home? like he has the upper hand over you without trying? âwhat do you think i was there for?â
âi think you should stay in your room, suguru,â you say carefully, âi bought a new bed just for that room.â
âhow sweet of you,â he hums. he sips the tea before himâitâs cold by now, but itâs just how he likes it, rose with one sugar. âyou must have been excited to have me.â
âhardly,â you mumble bitterlyâyou canât help it. you want him to feel hurt, even just a little. you want him to know that just because heâs back, it doesnât mean youâve waited all this time for him to be. liar, a part of you says, youâve always waited for him, havenât you? but suguru doesnât seem phasedâhe doesnât even blink.
âthen tell me, why am i here?â suguru asks, his tone is as casual as ever.Â
i wish i knew, you want to say. i wish i knew but i donât.
âbecause satoru asked you to be,â is all you can say.
he nods, pushing back his plate and standing up, offering you that same grin. âyouâre right,â he hums, âthatâs exactly why iâm here.â
it hits you why his smile is so unsettling once he leavesâitâs almost genuine, like heâs still loved you all this time. impossible, you tell yourself. suguru stopped loving you a long time ago. and you need to stop trying to figure out why.Â
ââââââââââââââââ
even despite telling yourself you donât care what suguru thinks, a small part of you needs to prove to him youâre not scared of him. that you donât fear for your own safety in your home, and that him being here is not some form of him haunting you. you donât care. he shouldnât get the luxury of thinking you care. he can come in and watch you sleep like the creep he is if he wantsâyou couldnât bother to give it a second thought.Â
the first night you take a chance and leave the door unlocked, suguru slips into bed beside you. it wakes you up instantly, and before you can question it, his head tucks into your neck, and his hand grasps your shirt tightly. you notice the panting almost instantlyâand then you realize, it must be a nightmare.Â
you fall into old habits, even after all these years, defaulting to care for him like itâs second nature.Â
âyouâre safe, suguru,â is what you settle for saying after a moment of contemplation. itâs all you can really think to say, so you brush your lips over the top of his head as you murmur, âyouâre safe,â over and over again.Â
as difficult as it is to have suguru around, as painful and cruel and aggravating as it is to be reminded of his distant existence even as heâs two doors down, this part feels natural. itâs almost like youâre back in jujutsu high, waking up to him sneaking into your room as he presses his weight over your body and wakes you with soft kisses along your face.Â
except this time, heâs not annoyingly demanding cuddles or telling you about his weird dream, heâs not stealing your blanket and demanding you play with his hair. this time, itâs not the same suguruâand this time, itâs not jujutsu high.Â
itâs your room. the one you got on the other side of town to leave the sorcery world behind, somehow still stuck right in the center of it no matter where you go. and yet, just like all those years ago, your legs tangle, and your arms wrap him up, and you murmur, âyouâre safe,â while he catches his breath.Â
âbut theyâre not,â he mutters in between labored pants, making you pause.Â
and then you remember.Â
faintly, you recall the blonde and black hair from a distance, you remember bitterly wondering whatâd it be like watching suguru fathering children of your own as you came to the reality that it would never happen. sometimes, you wonder if you hate nanako and mimiko for existing, for living as the dreams you never got to live through with suguru.Â
itâs selfishâto hate two children because they are what you do not have.Â
but then you feel something wet hit your neck, and then you wish they were okayâfor his sake. and just for a moment, youâre selfless again.Â
âtheyâre not safe,â he mutters, making you sigh.Â
âthey are,â you whisper, hesitating for a moment before letting your fingers slip into his hair. you scratch gently at his scalp, feeling his body melt into yours almost instantlyâlike itâs a response thatâs natural to him. âtheyâre not suffering. not anymore.â
âis that supposed to make me feel better?â he scoffs. you shrug, letting your cheek press against the top of his head as you sigh.
âit helps me feel better,â you say softly, ââs just how you learn to cope.â
itâs an understanding you both silently come to. loss on both sides. bloodshed on either ground. defeat no matter which ideal you take. to love is to bear the pain of mortalityâitâs a lesson that you never cease to learn until the ends of time itself.Â
âthe jujutsu world is one of suffering,â he grits, sniffling into your neck. you hum, pressing a kiss to his head as your eyes close.Â
âevery world is one of suffering, suguru, you canât erase them all. the sooner you realize that, the easier youâll find peace.â
you fall into a slumber after that, faintly aware of the way he shuffles closer to you, faintly aware of the soft kiss pressed to your skin as sleep takes over your body and drifts you out of consciousness.Â
when you wake up the next morning, suguru is gone, and the door is closed. the blanket is tucked up to your chin, and your neck still tingles from last night.Â
ââââââââââââââââ
âget up,â you throw a pillow at suguru, waking him up with a start as he sits up. his hair is tousled and messy from sleepâitâs now long enough that he can put it in a bun without strands slipping from the bottom anymore. you chuckle as he glares at you, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes as he groans.Â
âthe fuck was that for?â he grunts, holding the blanket up to cover his exposed chest.Â
itâs funny that he does that, in a way. itâs not as though you havenât seen his chestâŠand then some too. itâs not like you havenât torn his shirt off to stanch the flow of blood from his injuries before or feel the bare skin with your palm under the pale moonlight as the lingering scent of sex breezes through the room.Â
but somehow, even though he doesnât need to cover his chest around you of all people, youâre glad that he does. truthfully, it keeps you slightly comforted to know that heâs aware youâre still technically strangersâno matter how well-versed you are in each otherâs pasts. but you donât ponder on it too much. instead, you grin, shoving aside the visual of the small glance you caught at his pecs, and you clap your hands to motion him to hurry.Â
âwe are going grocery shopping,â you say casuallyâas though itâs not something to make him raise a brow in shock.
âme?â he points a finger at himself. you roll your eyes, and he challenges you with another raise of his brow. âarenât i supposed to stay away from civilians?â
âyes, you,â you nod, pointing back at him, âand satoru has worked overtime to get you granted permission to roam around with me. he says youâre welcome, by the way.â
âtell him to go fuck off.â
âthatâs ungrateful,â you say flatly, âhis feelings will be hurt.â
âhis feelings will find a way to cope,â suguru huffs. âi donât want to be aroundâŠthem,â he says bitterly.Â
you suppose itâs wishful thinking to hope suguru has let go of his past beliefs. perhaps heâs long abandoned the possibility of the vision he once planned on bringing to life, but you canât say you expected him to revert back to the old suguru who fought alongside you and satoru. you yourself certainly have no intention of returning to the sorcery world after all the events, so you canât say youâre shocked by the lack of change he seems to show. but then again, you suppose suguru has changed. whether he sees it or not.Â
he stays here and doesnât put up a fight to leave even though he can now that heâs healed. he eats lunch when you tell him and even washes the dishes. sometimes, when you come home a bit late, dinner is even ready on the table as he sits and stares at you expectantly. his plate is empty like yoursâlike heâs been waiting for you even though he doesnât need to. you suppose you can see heâs changed in the way he doesnât scoff at the tv channels you surf through, he silently sits on the opposite end of the couch now and watches with you, and perhaps if youâre lucky, youâll hear a light chuckle or a quiet sigh as the scenes roll on the screen.Â
you suppose suguru is a step closer to suguru every day he spends with you, but you donât know if suguru is what you need right now. not suguru, not suguru, and certainly not geto suguru. perhaps that name shouldâve been buried away as a distant memory, perhaps it shouldâve only been something you unlock once every year on his death anniversaryâwhen satoru clambers through your door drunk and unsteady as he clutches the hand that killed his best friend, only to share pancakes with you in the morning and pretend like you donât notice the dried tears on his cheeks while he acts like he doesnât catch the way your hand shakes as you cut into your breakfast.Â
but suguru is here now. whether itâs as geto suguru, one half of the strongest duo in jujutsu high, whether itâs as suguru, the love of your life and the sole reason you exist, or whether itâs as suguru, the curse user and mass murderer who haunts your past, present, and everything in between.Â
so you simply sigh, grab the pillow again, and hit the top of his head before walking over to the door as you call over your shoulder, âiâm gonna wait for you by the door in fifteen minutes. be ready or face the consequences..â
âno thanks. donât wanna,â suguru grumbles petulantly, frowning at you as you stick your tongue at him, smirking as if youâve just played your ace.Â
âtoo bad,â you sing before swinging the door shut.
heâs at the door in exactly fifteen minutes, like he waited until the last possible second to join you as a move of spite. but you simply gesture him out the door and lock up, taking your sweet time as he stands there with an annoyed face. you stare at the doorknob once youâre done, taking a deep breath before turning to him with your best smile.Â
âletâs go,â you hum.
âafter you,â he mutters.
â
he grimaces as soon as he sees the people going about their business, clearly unhappy with the idea of being around non-sorcerers, but one sharp glare from you has him sighing and trekking along. the grocery store, admittedly, is not as bad as suguru thinksâin fact, there are lots of things he doesnât realize he misses until he watches you grab a shopping cart.Â
suddenly, he sees shadows. the silhouette of your figure climbing into the cart, the angry wave of satoruâs hands as he claims it's his turn to be pushed around, the figure of shoko pinching the bridge of her nose in irritation from the backâand then, he sees the dark shadow of baggy pants and a small bun. itâs him. suguru watches himself almost in slow motion through the remnants of his imagination as he gently shoves satoru out of the way and reaches to poke the tip of your nose before he pushes the cart with you in it. Â
itâs a happy memoryâand itâs gone all too soon.
as soon as he blinks, the shadows have disappearedâinstead, itâs you waving a hand in his face, concern written on your features as you call his name.Â
âsuguru? hey, hello? are you with me?â
he exhales, pulled from his trance as he gently grabs your wrist from in front of his face and sets it down as he nods, âyeah, iâm fine. just thinking,â he mumbles.Â
for a second, you hesitate, like you almost mean to say something. but in the end, you only nod before turning to grab the shopping cart. but he stops youâgrabs the handle and turns to you with a small smile on his face, making you raise a brow as he gently moves you away.Â
âwhat are youââ
âget in,â he grins, making you stare at him in bewilderment.Â
âwhat?â
âjust get in,â he sighs, âyou love it when you get to sit in the cart.â
âiâm not a teenager anymoreââ
âget in, will you?â he groans, âalways so damn difficult.â
âhey,â you pout, glaring at him with your hands planted at your hips, âthatâs rude.â itâs cute. suguru stares at you with amusement in his eyes and a soft look on his face that you donât think youâve really seen in years.Â
âhumor me,â he hums, âjust get in, okay?â
so you do.Â
with a huff and a grumble under your breath, you fight back a smile and climb into the damn cart just like old times. you swallow and try not to let it get to you when he reaches over and pokes the tip of your nose and pushes the cart around, letting you name off the things you need from your list while he grabs them. and when he sneaks snacks into the pile, you roll your eyes and glare at him in the way you always didâthe one that isnât actually annoyed. fond. happy to let it slide because itâs him.
âwe need candy,â you murmur, âthatâs the last thing on the list.â
âokay. what kind?â he asks, turning the cart into the candy aisle and smiling softly down at you.
âdoesnât matter, satoru eats anything as long as itâs sweet. heâs more likely to die from sugar than fighting a curse, i think.â
âyou buy candy for satoru?â he asks, making you shrug as you reach over and grab a few bags of candy off the shelves, setting them down beside you.Â
âhe comes over a lot so i learned to keep stuff stocked up for him. you know how he gets when heâs hungry.â
suguru feels something he hasnât felt since he was a teenager. jealousyâspecifically of satoru.Â
suguru is not foolish. he knows as soon as he meets gojo satoru that of the two, one of them is stronger and itâs definitely not himself. for the longest time, heâs okay with that, okay being the strongest only when alongside satoruâuntil heâs not. and even if suguru always had a bit more attention in the romance department than satoru, in his head heâs always known that perhaps satoru can keep you safer, more well off, maybe even happier. with smooth smiles and eyes as welcoming as an oasis, gojo satoru would never leave you in the dark pit of misery as suguru once had.Â
something about the thought of you and satoru keeping each other company through the lonely years, filling that empty spot suguru left behind, sharing moments over candy and empty wrappers makes suguru wonder for a moment if perhaps heâd be happier if he stayed. maybe he could have worn a heartfelt smile in a world that carves them off the faces of sorcerers with bloody knives as long as you were there to wipe the blood. Â
but before he can dwell on it, you snatch one more bagâthis time of his favorite candy, placing it into the cart and grinning gently up at him.Â
âi havenât bought this one in years,â you admit, âi almost forget how it tastes.â
âme too,â he says quietly.
âwell,â you hum, âweâll have to have some when weâre home.â
home. you say it as though it belongs to him as much as it does you, and then like you always have, without even meaning to, you wash away the dark stains of his jealousy with no trace left behind.
âyeah,â he chuckles, âweââ
âdaddy, look! candy!â suguru is cut off by the gentle pitter-patter of two tiny feet running into the aisle, pointing at a bag of candy as a man follows close behind.Â
his breath hitches.Â
sheâs small, the girlâshe has two pigtails with soft strands of blonde hair falling out of the loosely tied bands. it reminds suguru of the first time he perfected tying up nanakoâs hair, the soft giggles behind her tiny hand as she twirled in the mirror.Â
thereâs another girl in the manâs armsâdark hair on her head as she curls into her fatherâs chest and tucks her head into his neck when she sees you and suguru in the aisle. sheâs shy, he realizes, like mimiko, and suddenly he remembers the tiny fingers that used to hook into his pants when she got too overwhelmed by the people around her, waiting for suguru to scoop her into his arms.Â
perhaps in another life, suguru would redo everything differentlyâheâd be happy with you and satoru and shoko, and nanami and haibara would be there too, well and alive. but no matter what, heâd never redo nanako and mimiko differently. heâd never change a thing about them, not even the way nanako whines too much about small things or the way mimiko never speaks up even when something is clearly bothering her. heâd never change the way he saved them and took them in at the tender age of eighteen, too lost to be a father but choosing to raise them anyway. heâd never change the feeling of pure joy and unbridled pride when they climbed into his bed for the first time, shushing each other so as not to wake himâeven though heâd awoken as soon as the door to his room opened.Â
because he realized that night that yeah, maybe heâd made mistakes in his lifetime, lots of them too. maybe heâd made a bad choice choosing the path he did, or maybe he didnât. heâs never been completely sureâjust that he had to try at least to make his vision for a different world come to life. but one mistake he never made was his girls. one thing he was always sure about was the soft clutch at his pants and the tiny hands reaching for his own.
suguru wouldnât change anything about nanako and mimikoâexcept maybe the fact that they arenât here, gone because of him.Â
âsuguru?â you ask softly, reaching for his hand as he grips the cart tightly and pulling his gaze away from the family in the distance.Â
he blinks, meets your eyes, and knows that you know. with one glance at your face, he knows you understand. the world is cruel, one filled with suffering, he thinks. but then he remembers what you said, that every world is full of suffering, not just hisâthat itâs a truth he has to come face to face with.
but itâs hard. itâs hard when this man has his two little girls and suguru does notâitâs hard to watch someone have what he wants with no worries of losing it, all because of people and their own weaknesses. he thinks for a moment that heâs been right all alongâthat non-sorcerers are too weak for this life, that the jujutsu world has always suffered so they donât have to.Â
but then the man speaks up, catching both of your attention.Â
âyour mother used to love those,â he says quietly to his daughter, a pained smile on his face. instantly, you and suguru both seem to understand the weight of that single sentence.Â
every world has its own pain, suguru realizes. its own cruelties and unfairness, its own way of bringing suffering in its wake as it rips away the things closest to you from your begging fingertips, leaving them cold and empty and numb from the lost weight underneath them.Â
âletâs go, suguru,â you whisper, âwe have everything we came for.â
âyeah,â he whispers back, clearing his throat so his voice doesnât crack, âletâs go.â
suguru leaves the grocery store with you after you pay, and for a brief moment, heâs unsure. unsure whether heâs grateful to satoru for fighting for him to be able to come and grateful to you for dragging him along, or if he wishes he died along with the rubble, gone before you could find him and turn him into this.
âbefore you even think about hiding away in your room,â you say, grabbing the bags from the cart as you put it back where it belongs, âyou have to help with putting away the groceries.â
âsure,â he says smoothly, grabbing all the heavy bags from your hand, and you make a move to protest that you donât need him to take the heavier ones, that youâre fine and can handle them like youâve always handled them.Â
but he walks off, and finally, you decide to simply follow.
ââââââââââââââââ
satoru likes to come and visitâyouâve started a routine movie night every week (unless heâs away, of course.) itâs fun, but it also means he makes your veins pop because heâs a headache like thatâalways makes himself right at home and eats your snacks like this is his place and not yours. he helps himself to your already limited candy and puts his sock-clad feet up on the coffee table no matter how many times you tell him not to.Â
you try sitting with legs as long as these, he always whines, earning a harsh glare from you as you smack at his shins until he ultimately caves and begrudgingly sets his feet down.Â
but then they always make their way back up to the coffee table, and youâre too busy enjoying his company to careâalthough youâll never admit it.Â
satoru is endearing like that, swallowing the dark clouds from your shoulders whole and eating up your burdens with that side of responsibility that you donât think you could ever stomach. satoru is just like that, you realize, taking the brunt of the weight and laughs off every concern until you canât help but not take them seriously yourself.Â
itâs hard to remember that sometimes you didnât just lose suguru, the love of your life, that night. everyone lost something. shoko lost someone to smoke with, yaga lost a student to scold, nanami lost a headache to avoid, and satoru?
wellâŠsatoru lost what you think mightâve been the only filled void of his miserably empty life.Â
itâs hard to remember that satoru lost his best friendâthe only best friend heâs ever had (although you like to think of yourself as a close contender)âbecause heâs so good at letting you forget. he brings you ice cream (that he eats half of because itâs only fair he gets a share), and he sits and hogs your couch (that he argues you donât really need as much space as him on because your legs arenât as long), and he watches those stupid sitcoms that are dry with boring jokes (that you used to make suguru watch back in the day).
itâs hard to remember that satoru also lost as much as you because heâs so damn good at making you forget about your own loss, you donât care to think about anyone elseâs for a while. just a short while. just until heâs yawning that obnoxiously loud yawn and stretching those awkwardly long limbs of his before he claims he really should go and that being the worldâs best teacher requires as many hours of beauty sleep as you can squeeze in.Â
and then heâs off. and itâs empty again. and just like that, youâre reminded of why he was there in the first placeâto fill in that sick and painful void that geto suguru left in you.Â
itâs gaping, like he tore a chunk of you right out with sharp teeth, like youâre just a piece of meat for him to get his fill of. if suguru really loved you, would you be so easy to let go of? why couldnât he smile? because you couldâgod, you could smile just from the sight of him alone, you realize a long time ago. him with his cigarette tucked between his lips, those death sticks as you called them, hung loosely from his mouth as he gives you a lopsided grin.Â
geto suguru is enough of a reason to smile. the world could crumble at your feet and leave you with nothing but rubble and dirt, and still, suguru is the core of the earth youâre searching for.Â
so why couldnât you be the same? what is it you were missing? what about you was just not enough for him like the way he was enough for you?Â
it dawns on you one night, through bitter tears and shaky sobs, and that sick, twisted, pleading feeling in your gut that begs the wind to carry him back to youâgeto suguru has never loved you the way you loved him.
and for that, you can never forgive him, you donât think.
âyou tryinâ to go bug-eyed?â he asks, settling down on the couch next to you, making you snap out of your trance. you shake your head a little, stare back at him for a moment before putting on that look on your face where you roll your eyes and pretend everything is fine.
âno,â you huff, âiâm just thinking.â
âaboutâŠ?â
âsatoru has rarely ever missed a movie night.â
âmaybe heâs sick of you,â he shrugs, grinning slyly at you as you narrow your eyes with a glare, âthereâs someone here to keep you company now so heâs probably taken his opportunity to run.â
âyouâre hardly company,â you scoff, âfreeloader.â
âhey,â he defends, shrugging as if itâs not his fault. you suppose itâs not. âi didnât ask to be rescued. you canât be high and mighty and petty. âs not how that works.â
âsays who? you donât make the rules. i can be graciously kind and a jerk all at once.â
âcomplexity,â he nods, âi like it.â
âiâm not as complicated as you might think,â you grumble, crossing your arms as you stare at the time. yeah, satoru isnât making itâwhich, he told you as much, but heâs strolled in at the last second too many times to count before. you figure today would be the same. âas long as you donât skip movie nights with me, iâm pretty simple to keep appeased.â
âalright,â he props his feet up on the coffee tableâseriously, what is it with asshole men putting their feet on your table? satoru is a terrible influence. âletâs have a movie night.â
âwhat?â you blink.
âmovie night,â he repeats, âyou said you donât like skipping movie nightââ
âwell, i meant i donât like satoru skipping movieââ
âwell, it was me before satoru, wasnât it?â he says with a smile. his eyes are closed, crinkled at the corners, but his voice is carefully neutralâlike he takes extra care not to let you see any emotion behind it.Â
but that only means there is an emotion, isnât there? is he jealous? does he hate the fact that you and satoru have a routine of your own without him? that you donât need him to continue living your life?Â
good. he should be. he walked out on you all those years ago. he killed a village. killed his parents. you never even got to meet themâhe never even got to take you home and introduce you to them before he ripped away every fantasy you ever had with him.Â
and now heâs backâhe has the audacity to live, to laugh in your face with his existence that yes, geto suguru is here. and he was supposed to be executed, but your stubborn friend didnât let that happen. he was supposed to be your husband by now with kids and a happy little home, and you were supposed to be his parentâs new addition to their family that they loved so much. but none of that is even close to happening, and itâs suguruâs fault, and the least he can do is show you some regret and maybe feel just the slightest bit bad that you now have to watch shitty movies with his best friend instead of him to feel normal.Â
ex-best friend? half best friend? you donât even knowâdo they still consider each other their best friends? does anyone consider suguru anything? you donât know what you consider him. but you think the least he can do is act just the slightest bit pathetic after making you feel so pathetic for so long just to even the score.Â
he should be a stranger. he feels like an old friend. but either is dangerous.Â
âalright,â you sigh, âlet's bring back movie night. donât fall asleep.â
âi get plenty of sleep nowadays,â he hums, âi have more than enough free time for that now.â
âhow lucky of you,â you snort.Â
â
picking a movie with suguru is difficult. he actually has standardsâsatoru watches anything so long as he gets snacks, and he can make anything fun to watch with the way he comments from the side like a critic. suguru, on the other hand, actually cares about the quality of a movie, the metrics that make it good.Â
so you pick the hunger games just to piss him off.Â
âseriously?â he raises a brow, âthis is your pick?â
âyes,â you grin, âi like these movies.â
âof all moviesââ
âmy house, my rules,â you grin cheekily, âyou can pick the movies as soon as you start paying the bills.â
âwow,â he deadpans, âstooping to use my financial status against me? i thought you were better than this.â
âoh suguru,â you sigh dramatically, grabbing a bag of chips from the table, âyou donât know me at all.â
all things considered, you think itâs a rather enjoyable experience. itâs not as fun without satoruâs stupid comments that you pretend to hate, but suguru provides his own commentary that earns a giggle out of you here and there tooâalthough his are not meant to be funny. but thatâs the appeal of it, you think.Â
âshe should have picked gale,â he mumbles. you raise a brow.
âpeeta was always there for her, did you miss the rain scene?â
âso was gale,â he says smoothly, grabbing a chip from your bag and making you scowl.
âgale killed her sister,â you point out, âand a lot of other people too. he was ruthless. she needed peeta.â
âgale did what he had to do,â suguru mumbles.Â
suddenly, it doesnât really feel like youâre discussing the movie anymore. it feels more than that. it feels sickeningâthe air is heavy, and your throat is dry and god, you just wanted a movie night and not this heaviness as you talk about stuff from the past without actually talking about it.Â
you blink before turning to your chips, playing around with the bag as you shrug.Â
âin the end he didnât get katniss, did he?â
suguru studies you for a moment, stares a little too deep into you that you start to feel the urge to bolt to your room and go to bed.Â
âguess not,â he says quietly, âguess thatâs the one regret he has, huh?â
you think for a second, as suguru stares at your eyes with something you canât quite read, that you might cry. you might cry and throw that half-empty can of soda in his face for speaking in codes and making you question what he means and remember your past. you might cry because suguru couldâve always gotten youâin fact, he had you.
itâs not fair. nothing is, but you canât help but dwell on it.
âiâm going to bed. itâs late,â you mumble after a few moments, standing. he only nods, staring at the tv as the credits roll. when you make it to your room and the door shuts behind you, you debate clicking the lock in place.Â
in the end, you donât lock the door. suguru climbs into bed with you once more later that night, shaking slightly from his nightmare but calmer than usual. heâs still gone by the time morning comes, and you still never mention it.
it hits you one night that maybe he still has youâmaybe you never let him stop having you, no matter what you say.
ââââââââââââââââ
suguru is good at cleaning while youâre away. you have to go out and do adult things like breadwinning and grocery shopping and bill paying. he dusts and cleans and even takes out the trash when youâre home to monitor him as he steps two feet out of your front door. sometimes, because you like to get on his nerves, you accidentally mess up a corner of the house just as he cleans it, laughing as he shoots you an unimpressed look.Â
âstop getting crumbs on the floor,â he mumbles, âi just vacuumed.â
âyou make a good malewife,â you giggle, âvacuuming and everything. how cute.â
âdonât call me that,â he grumbles, sitting down on the couch.Â
âbut you missed a spot,â you point to the crumbs youâve sprinkled from your fingers as you snack away, making him glare. âfailwife.â
âiâm going to divorce you and take everything,â he snaps, making you snort as you put your hands up in surrender.
âyou donât have to, you know,â you murmur, âclean, i mean. i can handle it.â
âi think i should carry my weight around here,â he shrugs, âsince you are basically sugar babying me around for now.â
âdangerous curse user to the world, but sugar baby to me,â you tease, pulling a chuckle out of him as he rolls his eyes.Â
sometimes itâs nice to have his company. suguru is good with banter like that, heâs not annoying like satoru where you run in circles. suguru makes you laugh from your belly, makes the hiccups catch in your throat as you double over. heâs always been like that, always known how to make laughter pour from your lips and trickle down your chin. itâs comforting to know he still knows how. it leaves a small bitterness that heâs still able to make you feel like this.Â
âby the way, next time you go shopping, take me with you,â he says casually, âi need to buy stuff for my hair. itâs growing.â
âyouâll finally see the sun just for your hair?â you gasp, âwho knew thatâs all itâd take?â
despite the playfulness in your words, thereâs still shock. suguru is willingly stepping foot outside your house. heâs finally choosing to return to life after living like a recluse no matter how many times you and satoru have tried to beg him to get up and go somewhere. the most you can get out of him is a walk around the neighborhood before he goes back to wandering your home and hiding away in his room.Â
suguru is returning to life, his life, and you canât help but wonder where that leaves room for you.
âmy hair is my charm,â he reasons, âwouldnât you agree?â
thereâs a smirk on his lips when he asksâitâs like heâs seventeen and teasing you again, giving you that unfairly flirty smile that used to make you stutter as a kid. back when you were hopelessly in love. back when it was you, suguru, and the world in your corner. back when you had dreams of your future, practically giggling as you planned it away in a notebook.Â
suguru was always perfect like that, the kind of guy you could only dream about. heâs always been handsomeâheâs always been the center of attention everywhere you went. you used to huff about it, about all the attention he managed to get from walking into a room alone. but then heâd smile, give you that tender look of his as heâd chuckle, and youâd be hopeless again.Â
he shouldnât have that effect on you anymore after over a decade. but he does. itâs cruel, the way the universe works. itâs like thereâs a magnet that pushes you together no matter how far you try to go, still pulled by gravity straight into his awaiting eyes and devilish smile.
âi cut your hair off once, i can do it again,â you huff. he laughs, itâs good-natured and kind.Â
âi was a bit heartbroken when i realized it was so short, i have to admit,â he says, âi didnât look like me.â
âyou looked good,â you say quietly, âi think youâd make anything work, to be honest.â
âyeah?â he grins, âany requests? i might consider it if itâs you.â
âoh shut up,â you roll your eyes, âhow about shaving your head bald? let's see how much charm you have without all that hair.â
âi could charm you without the hair still, couldnât i?â he winks.Â
itâs unfair how he acts like normal. like a few months in your home undoes everything heâs ever committed, all the atrocities heâs caused. the way he flirts with you feels like youâre his again. the way heâs aged and changed feels like youâre meeting someone new. you donât understand how suguru is so natural with thatâwith seamlessly falling back into a rhythm with you like nothing has changed at all.
deep down, you know that suguru is just moving on with his life. heâs making the most of what he can. he canât die, satoru would never let him have a peaceful death after all this. he canât go back to the way things used to be, whether thatâs his sorcery days or his curse user days, and he certainly canât start over. so heâs making do with what he hasâwhich is very little in reality.
itâs you, your home, and the biweekly visits from satoru and occasionally shoko. so he weaves you seamlessly into his life and treats you with a sense of normalcy you canât hope to treat him with. maybe itâs because suguru was actually able to move on after he left.Â
itâs the part you hated him most for. for building a family with new people. for having two girls that he raised as daughters. for finding people to follow him and trust. suguru, after he walked away from everything he ever knew, actually did something with his lifeâeven if it could hardly be considered good.Â
you? you fell deeper and deeper into a pit of denial until clawing your way back out was too impossible, until you had to leave behind everything youâve ever known to get away from the remnants of his existence.Â
itâs easy for him to weave you back into his life because he chose to cut you loose. it feels damn near impossible to let him weave back into yours after he tore himself from the edges and frayed away.Â
âdonât do that,â you sigh, making him frown.
âdo what?â
âyou know what, suguru,â you pinch your nose in frustration, âstop acting like things are normal.â
âthings are definitely not normal,â he snorts bitterly, âi think needing your approval to take the trash out is not equal to normal.â
âthen why are you acting likeâŠâ you trail off, unsure.
âlike what?â he raises a brow.Â
âlike we never changed,â you slam your hands down on the couch in exasperation.Â
he stares at you for a minute, blinks once, then twice, and then furrows his brows.
âwell, of course we changed,â he mumbles in confusion, âi know thatââ
you shouldnât have said anything. you quickly realize that. suguru is not trying to act like things are normalâheâs trying to be civil, and youâre just a fool. a fool who looks too deeply into everything and assumes what you want to out of things and god, youâve embarrassed yourself in front of your one and only ex-boyfriend in over a decade who was once dead and somehow came back to the land of the living.
of course, he knows things are not the same. he doesnât want what you think he does. itâs been years and suguru has moved onâhe had already moved on all those years ago, and youâre the only one here that is still focused on the past. and now he knows it too.Â
you stand before he can finish, nodding as you stare down instead of meeting his eyes, pretending to adjust your clothes.Â
âright, of course you do,â you nod, âi donât know why i said that. just ignore me, iâll be going to my room now. i haveâŠthings to do, so iâll beââ
âhang on,â he frowns, hand grabbing your wrist, âi donât mean it like that,â he says gently.
fuck geto suguru for being so confusing and fuck him for being nice about it too.Â
âyou can let go, suguru,â you pull at your wrist, âforget what i said, i wasnât thinkingââ
âi still feel the same,â he cuts you off, making your eyes widen, âif thatâs what you mean. i never stopped.â
never stoppedâthatâs almost worse than moving on. how could he have felt the same all those years and still never come back?
âthat does not help even a little,â you swallow the lump in your throat. âthat makes this so much worse, do you see that?â
âi know,â he sighs, âiâm sorââ
âdonât say youâre sorry,â you grit your teeth, âwe both know youâre not.â
âmaybe not,â he admits, âi had to try. and that meant leavingâiâm sorry thatâs not what you wanted.â
âitâs not!â you turn around, pulling your arm out of his graspâsuguru, for what itâs worth, takes the shove to his chest like a champ. âof course i didnât want you to leave and kill a bunch of people and have an execution stamped on your forehead and live your life without me.â
âi knowââ
âand now youâre back. back! in my house, eating my food and sleeping in my bed for half the night and i just have to act like this is normal. how is any of this normal?âÂ
âitâs not,â he agrees. heâs calm. so calm, it almost makes you mad. why is he so calm? ânothing about anything in our lives is normal. it never was.â
âyou ruined my life,â you blink back tears. he smiles sadly, taking a step closer.
âi guess i can take the blame for that,â he nods, hands finding their way to your hips. against your better judgment, you lean half your weight against his body. this is bad, very badâbut itâs also the best thing ever.Â
being close to suguru feels like the sunâs heat tearing through your skinâitâs warm. itâs pleasant. it leaves you parched and drained with a dry throat. but still, you need it to survive.Â
âwhy did you come back?â you ask tiredly. his hand finds the small of your back, rubbing slow circles.
âi donât know,â he hums, âi didnât really get a say. maybe i was always meant to, who knows?â
you look at him at thatâtilt your head to get a good look at his features. his eyes are more tired, and his cheeks are a bit more sunken in compared to the youthful flesh you remember him with. his hair isnât as healthy, and his forehead has the slightest traces of pale marks from the scars. but heâs still suguruâand you have always loved suguru, even if he gives you every reason to hate him.
âyou make my life unreasonably difficult,â you mutter.
he hums, smiling. âcan i?â he asks breathlessly, pleadingly. you stare at his eyes, he stares at your lips. you know what he wantsâbut fuck, you canât let him have it so easy.Â
âcan you what?â you ask, raising a brow slowly.
âare you really gonna make me say it?â he grunts, lips almost curled into a pout. itâs cute, the way he looks longingly at your lipsâitâs so cute and beautiful and dangerous all at once, just like suguru.Â
âyes,â you say, âyes i am. i deserve to hear it suguru, after everything you put me through. youâŠyou left me. i wasnât enough for you. i mourned you. i grieved a body i never even saw. do you know what that does to a person? to lose them not once but two times? the least you could do is tell me what you want,â your voice wavers just a little.Â
it shakes for the lost time. for the moments youâll never have. for the memories you lost. for the past thatâs tainted. time is cruel like that. but thatâs the beauty of it allâthe fragility. itâs like sand falling through the cracks of your fingers, every grain slipping from your reach but still soft and soothing against your skin as it falls. everything fades over time, everything starts to hurt one way or another. but it stops. it heals. it starts over. the sand fills the cup of your palms again, warm and delicate and just as beautiful as before it crumbled.Â
âcan i kiss you?â he asks desperately, âplease?â
âkissing me is not a temporary thing,â you shake your head, ânot anymore. itâs for good. only for good.â
âi want to kiss you for good,â he nods, hands digging into your hips impatiently. youâre close. youâre too far. he can feel you, smell you, hear your unsteady breaths. but itâs not enough. he needs to devour you, taste you on his tongue, and melt you with his touch. âi wonât stop this time,â he promises.Â
âyou better not,â you sniffle, tears blurring your vision. you hated suguru for leaving you. you hated him for coming back to you like this. you never stopped loving him, never will stop loving himâand maybe thatâs what love is. when the darkness is worth trekking through for the afterglow of the light. âif you fucking leave me again, youâre dead to me. i donât care how many times you come back to life. youâre dead to me.â
âokay,â he agrees through a shaky chuckle, âi suppose i deserve that. let me kiss you, yeah?â
âyeah,â you breathe.
he kisses youâyears too late, he kisses you. it feels like youâre teenagers again. it feels different and foreign. you know this feeling like the back of your hand. you donât understand what this sensation is anymore. itâs new. itâs old. itâs perfect. it hurts. suguru is here. he promised not to leaveâyou donât know if you believe him, but youâre going to trust that finally, for once, you are enough.Â
youâre enough to make him happy. to give him a sense of purpose. to keep him swimming when his limbs start to sink.Â
finally, for once, youâre enough.Â
âi love you,â he whispers against your mouth, breathing the words into you like heâs offering you the air from his lungs, âi never stopped. i promise.â
âyou donât deserve to hear it from me,â you murmur back, panting against his lips, ânot yet.â
âfair enough,â he chuckles, âyou sure know how to leave a guy waiting.â
âi learned from the best,â you shoot back.
he grinsâsuguru smiles, heartfelt and real. life is full of misery, itâs painful, and nothing fucking makes sense. everything is cruel. everything dies no matter how carefully you water the roots. thereâs always something, someone, ready to tear it from the earth. but if you keep planting the seeds, suguru will keep watering.Â
maybe something kind can bloom from that, something big enough for him to hide under the shade when the scorching heat of tragedy becomes too much.Â
in this world or in the jujutsu world; in this life or in the next. suguru is yours.
âwhy am i here?â he asks gently, his face digging into your neck. you hold him, cradling the back of his head as you hum.Â
âbecause i need you here. will you stay?â
âyes,â he murmurs, âi think iâll stay.â
hi. i have been working on this since march. its still not how i envisioned it to be originally but that's okay. i had fun writing it and it means a lot to me even tho its kind of. well....cliche LMAO like everything i write. but. i enjoy the cliches okay ?? i do. kxljchskdf hope u guys didn't hate it </3
also the fic banner is âŠ. not the greatest. just ignore it ok
heavily injured from a battle in the xianzhou luofu, you thought it would be the first and last time you see your stellarmateâbut then you wake up in his arms, with him treating your wounds despite showing signs of disinterest in your bond when you first met.
đđđ đŹ soulmate au, angst, unrequited love, mentions of blood and injury descriptions, possessiveness, blade's pov, him just taking care of you with a sprinkle of angst
đ§đšđđ stellarmate = soulmate (inspired from stellar jade so original i know) this is actually from the blade fic that i plan on writing but this can be read as a standalone! also, if you get the ts reference in this we are automatically besties. may blade wanters be blade havers
đ°đ 1.8k
soaking the dirty piece of cloth in the cold water, blade let the icy liquid gather in the fabric before lifting it out and wringing it dry until it became nothing but an improvised damp towel.
it wasn't even guaranteed that it was clean enough to be put on your forehead, since the cloth was only ripped off from your dirtied skirt. however, he had no choice but to use it in the end. your body went into a shock after losing too much blood in a battle between you and some mara-struck soldiers, resulting into a high fever.
with the moon positioned at its highest point in the night sky, blade guessed that it was already midnight, meaning that he hadn't caught a wink of sleep ever since he fled the xianzhou with your unconscious body in his arms and warped to a planet he first thought of. this was nothing new. he could stay up all night and his body wouldn't feel anything at all.
blade approached your resting figure in the small cave you were both currently residing in. observing your face for a moment, which was formed in a deep frown, he brushed away the stray hairs out of your face as carefully as he could, then placed the damp cloth on your forehead.
your fever wasn't going down throughout the evening, with your body covered in sweat and hastily wrapped bandages. your shoulders were bare since your most grave injury was a stab wound near your heart, caused by a sharp blade of a mara-struck soldier, and so he was forced to rip open the top part of your shirt to stop the bleeding.
beside your now wrapped wound was none other than your mark. your stellar mark. blade can only stare at it. even when he was placing a bandage over your wound, he didn't dare touch the area where the mark rested on your skin. until now, he was still in disbelief over the fact that the aeons gave him a counterpart, his other half. after all the torment and pain, he, of all people, was blessed with a stellarmate.
he went over to the bonfire in the middle of the cave, where he was boiling medicinal herbs with water using a bowl he made out of stone. years worth of travelling between planets made him gain knowledge of which food to eat or which plant is safe to intake. emerald-iii wasn't a foreign land to blade; he had visited the planet before twice, accompanied by kafka.
speaking of his companion, blade thought back to the xianzhou while waiting for you to wake up and for the medicine to finish cooking. she must be looking for him right now, maybe even asked silver wolf to track him down. your astral express friends might be searching for you too.
he closed his eyes. the image of you lying in your own pool of blood appeared in his mind. blood was also dripping down the side of your mouth, and your eyes were already starting to close when he found you. the pain and rage and fear he felt all over his body was nothing compared to his never-ending death. and he felt his mark burning too, wanting to seek revenge to the people who hurt what was his, wanting to kill them clean with his brokenâ
"bâlade?" your broken voice came out in a pained wheeze. you coughed shortly after, throat dry and parched. blade turned around and looked at you. your eyes were barely open, but he can see your confusion and distress. "you're...h-here?"
"fool. don't try to talk. you are currently in a weak state." he scolded, glowering at you with his crimson eyes narrowed in slits.
you shook your head repeatedly, slowly lifting your shivering arms and wrapping them around yourself. "i-it hurts, blade..." you complained as tears lined up your eyes, fingers brushing against your wounded shoulder, "...and it's c-cold."
blade gave you a blank stare. he didn't know what to say to you. it was the first time you talked to each other properly, and the first time you were alone together. but it seemed like you were in a state of delirium, seeing that you weren't scared of expressing yourself.
you whined while sniffing, "so cold...why is it so cold?"
he sighed in defeat and shrugged off his tailcoat, leaving him in only bandages wrapped around his torso. he scooted over to you and covered your body with his coat. "we are in emerald-iii, therefore, the weather is constantly changing. endure it while i finish the medicine."
"medicine?" you asked curiously, pulling his coat up to your face.
blade clicked his tongue in annoyance. "one more question and i will abandon you here."
you were silent for the next minutes as you patiently waited beside him. he removed the stone bowl from the fire, and saw that the water has turned a greyish green due to the medicinal herbs. to further melt down the remaining floating leaves, he gave the liquid a quick stir by moving it in a back and forth motion.
bringing it up to your lips, he commanded, "drink."
moving your head forward, you sipped from the bowl, but you immediately coughed it out. after recovering from the series of coughs, you let out, "it's bitterâ!"
"you dare complain when i boiled these herbs for hours just so they become pure enough to consume." blade snapped impatiently, "do you wish to be well or not?"
you nodded quickly, not wanting to anger him any further. "okay. i'll drink it."
it took you a few more tries before you get to take all the medicine down your throat, your face scrunched in disgust by the time you finished drinking it.
without warning, blade scooped you up and placed your head against his shoulder. he started taking off your bloodied bandages, and once it was all removed, he examined the wound. he already cleaned and stitched it up hours ago, but it was still bleeding. it can't be helped. the supplies were sparse and the cut was too deep, and with your fever adding up, he was not sure if you'll survive the night.
sweat began lining up his forehead. gritting his teeth, he took a fresh batch of bandages and started to wrap them on you again.
why? why was he doing this? why was he trying to keep you alive? each time the bandage circled around your arm, blade's movements became more frustrated and quick and rough. he didn't even notice you gazing at him with a dazed expression until you chuckled softly.
blade scowled. "speak if you wish to say something."
"are you real?" you murmured weakly, your hushed voice cracking in between words, lacking the usual gentle tone yet it was still tinted with naivety and awe that it made him freeze. all the frustration and anger was washed away and was instead replaced with confusion to your question.
your eyelids kept drooping down, not allowing him to see the beautiful shade of your warm eyes that reminded him of the brightest stars of the xianzhou sky. it was fine; as long as he gets to hold you like this, your head against his shoulder, your bare skin against his with the moonlight shining over you, then everything was fine.
feeling his heart skid to a stop for a thousandth time that night, blade can't help but to slowly reach out, and although his bandaged hand hesitated to land on your skin, afraid it might tint your innocence with his sins, he allowed himself to caress your cheek. it did not surprise him at all when your face fit perfectly in the palm of his wounded hand, your warmth proceeding to seep through his thin and bloodied bandages. a stray tear suddenly fell down your smooth skin, and this time, he didn't hesitate to wipe it off with his thumb.
"what do you mean?" he whispered, leaning in closer to you. you didn't answer for a minute, your breathing growing heavy.
then you laughed. "i don't know," you said, "i feel like i just made you up."
more tears escaped from your eyes as you continued, "you wouldn't...boil some strange herbs for me, or wrap me up in your coat. or treat my wounds, or even talk to me. you wouldn't want to be near me. you wouldn't do that."
"i have no time for your nonsense." blade replied with the intention of sounding harsh, but it came out weak instead. you smiled at him tearily, placing your hand on top of his.
"we are going to be unbound soon." you assured him, and blade swore his stellarmark was stung the second you said those words, "and as soon as i get well, i will immediately seek the aeons and get our marks removed. then you wouldn't have to see me ever again."
he swallowed, speechless for the first time. unbeknownst to him, he was slowly pulling you closer to his chest, his fingers digging into your skin in an attempt to keep you all to himself. his breathing grew uneven as he thought of you walking away from him, forgetting him, not thinking of him, and you belonging to someone else that wasn't him. his heartbeat grew irregular at the thought of not seeing you again.
blade had the sudden urge to cover up his mark and protect it from the world. it was his. it was his and his alone, and no one was going to take it away from him. not even the aeons.
"but do you want to know a secret?" you continued quietly, your smile growing wide, "if the aeons would give me a chance to pick a stellarmate again, i would choose you."
yes. he was going to keep this mark. and he was going to keep you. ever single person who will lay their hand on your skin will meet the sharpness of his sword, and every single one who will stand in between your bond shall face his wrath.
"i would you choose you, again, and again, and again, until you want me back. until you love me back."
the second you wake up from your delirious state, he'll tell you of his new plans, and he imagined you in disbelief, surprised and hesitant and hopeless but you'll nod and you'll take his hand, and you'll run, run, run, and leave it all behind.
"oh, look at the moon," you exclaimed, pointing a finger to the crescent shaped light, and he ignored the way your breaths were growing shallow each time you talk, "look at the moon, blade. it's so pretty. the moon is so pretty."
blade pulled you closer to his chest and rested his chin on top of your head as a sinister grin started to grow on his lips, along with an unfamiliar flame beginning to ignite in his amber crimson eyes. you were his. you were his.
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Sae might have rethought putting a ring on your finger if he knew husband duties included losing sleep to your overactive imagination.Â
wc â 500
tags â married auÂ
âCan you stop squirming?âÂ
Saeâs annoyed with you, but you canât help it. Youâre not normally afraid of the dark, but sometimes your mind plays tricks on you.Â
Around you, the night stretches on like a kitten, soft and velvet. Your eyes have long adjusted to the dark, but your room is poorly designed. Inky shadows collect in every corner, crated by awkwardly shaped shelves and random divots in the wall.Â
Like any normal, well-adjusted adult, you have no problem being in darkness. Just a few hours before, you ran a load of laundry without turning the lights on because you didnât feel like it. But as youâre trying to fall asleep, your idle mind grows restless.Â
It starts whispering the kinds of things that make you pull your feet away from the edge of the bed and shrink towards Saeâs comforting, warm body.Â
âIf you keep this up, Iâm going to get my own bedroom,â he tells you.Â
You both know itâs an empty threat. How could it not be when you wake up to his arms around you every morning?Â
Still, itâs not nice of him to say that, and you let him know.Â
âDonât be mean, Iâm scared!â Your grumbling is childish, but there are certain indulgences youâre allowed.Â
âYouâre too old for this,â he sighs, exasperated, but he lifts his arm so you can tuck in closer along his body.Â
Just then, you feel something brush along your leg. You barely stifle a shriek as you forcefully push your body into Saeâs. Itâs a hard collision that would knock the breath out of him if he wasnât a professional soccer player. As it is, he makes a sound of discomfort when your elbow bumps into him.Â
Up until now, youâve been facing outwards, keeping an eye out for anything that might roam in the dark. At this moment, you peek out from under your covers, turning to look at Sae.
His face is entirely unamused.Â
You try for a sweet smile, hoping heâll relent and forgive you as he usually does. To his credit, he only cracks after he forces you to endure a prolonged, awkward stare-off. Then he groans, pinches his nose, and bodily drags you closer so youâre all but on top of him.Â
Your head rests against his shoulder as he wraps his arm around you, tucking you into the line of his body. Your legs tangle with his.Â
âThat better?â He says. âNothingâs going to get you while Iâm here.âÂ
âNow that you mention it,â you say jokingly, âyou are a big, strong football player.âÂ
A peek at his face reveals what you already suspected. Saeâs cool exterior is hard to crack, but heâs always weak to compliments from his wife. Heâs fighting a smile thatâs apparent anyway, or perhaps youâre just good at reading him.Â
âBut youâve trapped my legs,â you complain. âHow am I going to run away if anything happens?âÂ
âOh my god-â Sae shoves a hand over your mouth and muffles any further commentary. âGo to sleep.â
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â sfw. angst. non-established relationship. long distance lovers. pining. fluff. mentioned rin itoshi (not too canon compliant vague state of their relationship.) insecurity. some jealous undertones. misunderstandings. no real comfort.
â not proofread. might be a bit too wordy. i started writing this a month ago while i got feeling super angsty & inspired but by the time i got to pick this back up, source of angsty feelings were gone... so... mb. also some chance of ooc-ness cause, idk, i tried though. :] ending might've sounded a bit rushed but i was trying to do something and it was not... doing anything. loosely inspired of NIKI's Autumn.
it's a tempestuous relationshipâwhatever you have with itoshi sae. but he's all you've ever known. whatever love is, it's defined by him.
you met him only three years ago. when he flew to japan to renew his passport only to stay because of blue lockâand whenever you think about it, it's almost like it was meant to beâyou and sae.
the meeting him, the wanting him, the wanting you.
you're not sure what it is about him and what it is he saw in you that kept you together then. but his nights were yours. you'd trace your name against his exposed skin and you know he can tell, because you can feel him tense up whenever you do it.
he never stopped you then.
and you wonder which reaction was the most real from sae: the way he'd tense up as you traced your name or that he never told you to stop.
like you could.
like you had him.
you were both only eighteen; it's the first love you've ever knownâmaybe it's the only love you'll ever come to know.
but sae itoshi's reality is far from yours. so, so far from yours. that's why you're gripping his hand in yours like you'd fall from the earth or float away from it if you let go.
sae doesn't tell you this, not when he needs to board his plane with only a few minutes left, but he almost wishes he could stay with you.
play house, play lovers.
maybe he won't be itoshi sae, and you won't be y/n, but he'd love you the same.
you've gotten only barely a year of you and sae, but at the airport, you hold out your heartâsoft and beating fast.
"i love you," you whisper against the pulse right under his ear, like if his heart could hear it, then maybe he won't have to go.
he hears you loud and clear. only because the language of your love is something he could recognize from a mile away.
sae itoshi is only barely nineteen. and i love you are foreign words even if he means to say them.
his thumb brushes against your bottom lip. it's gentle, along with his gaze, trained on the movement.
sometimes you wonder what goes through his mind whenever he does this, just right before he tilts your chin up, teal eyes meeting yours. you're also unsure what it is about sae's eyes that makes them look so piercing; you only ever see it when he's looking right at you.
he leans in, eyes flickering from yours down to your lips, then he brushes his lips against yoursâit's barely thereâlike he's testing it like he hasn't done this a million couple times before.
then he presses a kiss on the corner of your mouth, butterfly kisses, fleeting then coming back for more.
only thenâdoes he really kisses you. he kisses you like it's enough to make up for the words he's not saying.
"i'll come back," he says in between kisses; even at that, he can feel the smile on your lips. it's just a promise, but you smile like you trust himâlike you genuinely believed it, like you'd hold him to it even if it took a decade.
"i'll call you when the plane lands," he adds.(because it's the best he could say.)
"it'll be midnight here," you reply, while still gripping on his unzipped tracksuit, your other hand against his chestâbecause he could keep the words to himself, but you figured the wild thumping of his heart couldn't lie, couldn't ever keep a secret.
"you'll answer," he tells you.
and he's right. he always is.
and one day, you'd wish all of these stolen moments with him were enough. only because they had to have been, only because itoshi sae knew little else outside football, but he knew you.
sae thinks you're quite easy to read from the get-go, but in the months you've spent together, sae has learned you. as though you mattered that much.
you were only barely nineteen. you think you might've shot to the stars when you dreamt about sae itoshi not leaving you or maybe keeping you.
"sae-chan!" his manager yells from a distance, "we have to get in now!"
it's barely there, but you can feel the way he sighs. when sae lets you go and walks away, he doesn't turn back, doesn't wave, doesn't glance to see if you're walking away too.
he doesn't look out the window once he's seated inside the plane; he doesn't watch the view of japan fade away.
but at one thirty-six am, your phone is ringing.
you pick up at the first ringâbecause you haven't slept, subconsciously waiting for his call.
his voice filters in first, too monotonous for the words he's saying, "i should've asked you to come."
you laugh. only because you know he doesn't mean it, not really.
you miss him already, though. so you allow his little lie. besides, maybe it's not a complete lie. perhaps he really thinks so, but even if he did, he'd never allow it.
unlike you, allowing his calls at midnight to talk about the day and whisper empty promises for the next few months.
"after soccer," he says silently, "we can stay together."
his voice is warmer through the phone, mostly from his exhaustion than anything, but you think it must mean something at leastâthat it's always you on the other end of the line whenever he comes home, it's always you on the receiving end of his smile through the screen, always you that you see him texting after his team wins a match.
"after soccer," you echo him with a laugh, "i don't think there's an after soccer for you, sae."
your tone isn't malicious when you tell him this, and he's not sure what comes firstâthat he knows he's hurting you or that he loves you more for understanding.
"i'll figure it out," he answers you, completely serious. he says he will like he could do it all on his own.
"i'll figure it out with you," you say. "i'm right here with you, sae," and you tell him because you think he needs the reminder.
it's odd, you hope you're not wrong, but you can feel sae smiling through the phone in the silence.
when you whisper these promises to each other, promises that are as empty as they are prettyâyou think it must mean something.
sae only wanted things that pushed him towards his goals but then there was you... and for a while, you thought you belonged there.
it must mean something, that there was youârunning and trying so hard to catch up to his dreams because he wanted you there. running eastward to the warmth that sae had reserved only for you.
but if you were more honest with yourself, there is nothing between you and sae.
sometimes, when sae is gone from you and far into his own world, you think perhaps you might've truly been delusional to think you ever had a shot at calling him yours.
that's why when he gets involved in a dating scandalâwith someone who's not youâyou have to pretend everything is fine. you think it shouldn't be much of a challenge to do so, since no one even knows about you and sae.
as for sae, you wait for his calls, but for the next few weeks, they never come.
still, you try to think maybe it's your fault. you haven't reached out since then, but he hasn't either; you're stuck with nothing but a promise that you're starting to doubt ever even existed.
you know you love him, and you'd like to think that somewhere in his heart, sae loved you too.
except it's not enough to keep you from doubting otherwise until itoshi rin comes knocking on your door, plane ticket in hand, like whatever you had with sae hadn't ended when you stopped talking to him weeks ago.
but sae's little brother is there, telling you to come to sae because his brother's not doing well without you.
you're not sure what it means because sae seems to have been doing just fine when you saw his recent gameâespecially when you saw a picture of him leaving a building with the rumored girlfriend.
that's why you're shaking your head at rin, who's still standing by your front door. at rin, who's sighing and finally relenting.
"i don't care what you do, i'm just here to give this," he tells you (and you can't help but pick up on the way he speaks like sae) but he reaches out and takes your hand, leaving you the plane ticket and walking away without so much as a goodbye.
the flight isn't til three more days.
you stare at it, laid on the palm of your hand, and somehow you feel like crying. sighing, you close your door and leave the plane ticket on your coffee table.
maybe the universe would do you a favor and let the wind take care of it, fly out the window or fall somewhere you couldn't find.
the next morning, it's still there.
when you come home, it's still there. you consider ripping it, hoping you won't let yourself stumble over and stupidly back into sae's arms somehow.
but when the night comes and there's a gaping hole in your chest where sae resides, you miss him so much you think you'd dieâyour resolve breaks. you think about texting him because that's the easiest part, but the curtains of your window sway forward at the wind, and it makes you think of sae and the way it's the first thing he does when he wakes up, opening the window and letting the air in, and how it would be so lovely to see him do it when you're there.
there's a plane ticket taunting you.
you figure flying all the way to spain for sae is crazy but if it meant seeing his face, hearing his voiceâif it meant you'd have the chance to keep him in any way he'd allow, perhaps it'd be worth it.
rin sends you a message just as you're boarding the plane the next day; it's an address to an apartment in spain and instructions to contact sae's manager once you land.
you follow it allâheart over head until he's right in front of you, lithe fingers curling over the handle of your luggage and rolling it inside his apartmentâwhere all his windows are open, all wind and sunlight pouring in.
"rin said you didn't wanna come," he speaks up, turning to look at you awkwardly standing by the door.
"i didn'tâ" you try to say, but it feels like a lie, "but i missed you more."
sae walks up to you, his hands tucked inside his jacket and his stare that never really gives away how he feels.
"why not?"
you give him a shrug. "is there someone else, sae?" you ask, so blunt and earnest that his lips twitch in a smile.
sae reaches out, holds onto your hips, "you've got a good brain in there. use it," he replies, lets your question fall back to you, "is there, y/n?"
you frown at him like you're a child telling him he's being unfair. "there might," you pause, "but then i'd have to leave," but your hands moving to his chest doesn't make it convincing.
his heart jumps at your touch, it beats steadily. it's a rhythm only you're privy to.
"...there isn't," he says finally, eyebrows furrowing. "you're with me."
you smile because you believe him, "you stopped calling, though?"
"you were upset," he quips.
you nod, point taken. "and you let me be upset at you, itoshi sae? just like that? and let me think maybe you don't love me afterâ?"
the scowl on his face is quick to form as you spoke, "shut up," he says, completely serious.
"will you say sorry?" you say instead, trying to sound teasing, but your voice is soft and it's the easiest thing in the world for sae to pick up on.
"no," he whispers, pulling you even closer.
"make it up to me?" you continue even though you know he'll shake his head, stand his ground. not scared enough to test his patience, even though maybe you should be.
you want to let up, to take it as it is. to love him with no need for anything else, but the reality of your feelings win and you're asking another question before you could stop yourself.
"am i with you, sae?"
"stupid," he mutters. "i love only you."
right there, in his hold and the sunlight hitting him just right, you find yourself in itoshi sae's apartment for the first time, finally offering you his affections.
perhaps the world can have him every other way, but him just like this, you get to have all for yourself. in the way he pulls you in, presses kisses to your skin. in the way he comes through the door and searches for you in the room, and he smells so good and feels so safe for no reason at all.
while you're there, still unknown to the world, your hands are intertwined beneath the tables when he takes you out, it feels just enough.
in the mornings, you wake up early with him. it's contagiousâhe's contagious. his habits and idiosyncrasies. when you're brushing your teeth, he's carelessly littering kisses on your neck until you're scolding him about how you can't move. he gives your hips a patâonce, twiceâpeers at you through the mirror, then he's off.
sometimes, you wonder what it would be like to be able to call him yours. say he's your boyfriend, mean something more.
you think about how nice it would be if you could stay here with him. play house, play lovers.
and no one had to know, because he was enough.
but when sae's stopped for a post match interview and they're asking about herâthe girl in the picturesâyou wonder if you're enough. because sae stops only for a moment, then heâs sneering at them to fuck off.
under the sheets and a few hours left before you fly back to japan, sae's room is dim in the night. you tug on the necklace he keeps on all the time, bodies pressed together in a bed only fit for him.
he hums, eyes sewn shut still.
"are you only ever with me, sae?"
there's a beat of silence. sae knows exactly what you're talking about, but he's almost sure nothing he could say will never stop you from wondering what if.
so he doesn't try to dispel it, but at least he pulls you in and presses a kiss on top of your head.
he offers you a whisper of yes, and that's all you get.
you're not sure why sae is risking this, when the media always has their eyes on him, but he insists on bringing you to the airport.
there's a sinking feeling in your gut you can't quite shrug off. but sae is holding your hand, igniting your body aflame, peering over you like there's so much he wants to say.
your anxiety insists that it's nothing good. the words never come, though; just sae hooking a finger around one of the belt loops of your jeans to pull you in.
he tugs one, two, three times more, securing you close to him and then he's cupping your face in his hands, kissing you like it's the last time.
all sweeter, all slower. almost like if he cause pause the time, stay there forever, he might actually do it.
you wonder if he feels it now, the way you felt a year ago. in the airport, not really sure when you'd see each other again.
sae doesn't tell you to call him when your plane lands.
instead, he tells you to send him a message when you're home. you nod only because it feels better not to shatter this now, when he's all affection and the one who loves you most.
it's the first thing you do.
your chest is burdened with a weight that doesn't truly exist until his message comes before yours.
we're done.
you'd think that if you anticipate the pain, it would hurt less. but it doesn't, not for the quick sob that rips itself out of your chest, not for the tears that start falling before you make sense of it.
it's only a two-year run and you're barely twenty-one, but you think you'd be sae's forever.
it's a love hard-earned, hard-learned. a love letting go of you before you even stood a chance.
you tell him you're home, just like promised. right before you delete his number, because if you knew sae at all, he'd have your contacts deleted soon enoughâif you're optimistic, maybe he'd do it more for him than you.
and miles away, you're right. while you grieve the love you'd always want, sae makes sure he won't crumble from thinking what if.
this is the choice he made for your sake, for his. he could only hope to god if he could finally keep you close to his chest, that you would still let him.
it's a terrible fate, though.
sae could only come back when the chance no longer exists.
genre/tags: fake relationship au, gaming au, idiots to lovers
premise: mikage reo needs to access his trust fund. the issue? he needs to be at least 25 and also married. heâs 25 alright, but where is he going to get a spouse?
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Author Commentary
(ЀwЀ) the first chat is between nagi and the triple bakas (chigiri, isagi, bachira)
àŒŒ àŒàș¶ à·Ž àŒàș¶àŒœÂ   itâs for shittalking and gossip >:) heehee
(ЀwЀ) i wanna know what reo and y/n talked about! what made yn laugh
àŒŒ àŒàș¶ à·Ž àŒàș¶àŒœÂ use your imagination, weâre not paid enough to write it
(Đ€wĐ€) ur right. itâs already a miracle we got this update out
àŒŒ àŒàș¶ à·Ž àŒàș¶àŒœÂ iâm just glad that yn managed to negotiate a higher salary lol
(ЀwЀ) she should steal the whole trust fund for herself
àŒŒ àŒàș¶ à·Ž àŒàș¶àŒœÂ what if reoâs mom offers money to leave reo and yn just agrees
(ЀwЀ) brilliant idea, then we can end the whole smau. they live separately happily ever after. the end.
àŒŒ àŒàș¶ à·Ž àŒàș¶àŒœÂ okay iâll think about it.Â
âžÂ pro athlete!michael kaiser x fem!socialite!reader
âžÂ 11k words
âžÂ (slight) enemies to lovers, arranged marriage au, mutual pining, fluff, 2 cups of angst and comfort, attempted humor (read: kaiser being a lovestruck fool), extremely dialogue heavy!
âž warnings: obligatory kaiser warning (makes a joke about infertility but i smacked him on the forehead for it)
âž my favorite genre of writing is drabble turned monster :) i think i was blushing the entire time i wrote this. also, i love that he gets called mihya (short for mihyaeru, his name written in katakana) and i just had to include it
all it takes is five dates for kaiser to fall in love with you and you in him, much to your surprise
Nonetheless, Kaiser wouldnât say he was above or below them. In fact, he probably fit right inâas did you.
His plans tonight entails one of five dinner dates with you, who is yet another prospective candidate for his arranged marriage. His parents have been pointlessly concerned that his career has been in the way of him settling down in a relationship, so they thoughtfully made these arrangements in a bid to help him.
Your parents, on the other hand, were in the midst of a power struggle in the succession rights of the billion-dollar conglomerate founded by your grandfather. According to what heâs heard, you were up against your cousin, who already had a wife and a newborn earlier this year. Apparently your elders seemed to favor those that are family-oriented and so in order for you to become a more preferable candidate to take over the business, you needed a husband.
And so, your deplorable circumstances seemed to be the perfect opportunity to reintroduce him to you. His ma told him that he had once met you before when he just started college, though he canât recall a single thing about you.
His parents knew yours well enough to brief him on a little bit about you prior to this meeting. Youâre also a well-known socialite in a few circles and it wasnât hard to find your social media account, which helped confirm a bunch of assumptions he made.
Your Instagram feed is everything he expects it to be. Neat, tidy, and calculated. You have quotes in your captions from all sorts of novels to show that youâre well read. You regularly tag the people you meet in your professional and casual outings to show that youâre well-connected. And of course, you liked to post the places youâve been and the things you own to subtly showcase your wealth.
It feels like it might just be another round of same person, different face, though the only thing that intrigues him is that youâre far prettier in person than in the pictures. He spots you immediately, sitting in the corner by the wide window. Thereâs an arrogance in the way youâre sitting straight, elbows on the table and your lifted gaze directed aimlessly out the window.
Youâre resting your chin in the palm of your hand, a rose-gold watch adorning your wrist, nails freshly manicured, and your make-up flawlessâexactly the kind of woman Kaiser canât stand.
But he takes a deep breath. The least he could do was âplay niceâ as he was told and keep his unfavorable first impression of you from clouding his judgement, even though he doesnât actually plan on taking this meeting as seriously as his parents would have liked him to.
âYouâre late,â you say as soon as he approaches. You donât even look at him, keeping your eyes on the skyline.
Well, Kaiser dislikes you already.
He fakes a chuckle, pulling the chair out from across you. âSorry about that.â
âLetâs just cut to the chase,â you direct your icy gaze at him, though it doesnât make him flinch. âIâm only here to fulfill my obligations to my parents and I suspect you are too. Iâll likely be the most difficult person youâll ever meet on these next five dates, so letâs just agree to enjoy dinner, not speak, and get these meetings over and done with. Alright?â
Based on the tone of your voice alone, Kaiser can tell youâre someone whoâs used to authority, someone used to being in charge and calling the shots. And if itâs one thing Kaiser loves to do, itâs to challenge authority. Your proposition was in his best interest as well, but Kaiser couldnât help but be curious about what would happen if he pulled your strings.
âThatâs a tall order right off the bat, darling.â
âDo not address me by anything other than my name.â
Kaiser leans forward, crossing his arms over the table. âIâll do what I want, dar-ling.â
As if to disrupt the tension beginning to build between you two, a cheerful waiter immediately comes over to take your orders. The two of you exchange less than friendly glares as the waiter explained the contents of the chefâs recommendation tonight. Much to your annoyance, Kaiser also orders the chefâs recommendation and the exact same beverage as you.
âDonât get all self-important, princess,â Kaiser continues as soon as the waiter takes his leave, âIâm wasting my precious time to come meet you too. Donât you think I also have a say on how I want to spend it?â
âAnd how would you like to spend it, Michael Kaiser? With idle chatter so you can somehow charm your way into my pants?â
âOh, ideally,â he says in earnest. âBut that means Iâd have to be attracted to you in the first place.â
Your nostrils flare at the insult but you recover quickly, another witty response already locked and loaded. âGood then. If youâre not attracted to me, marriage should be completely off the table and this date should be the first and last, yes?â
âNot exactly,â Kaiser says, to which you frown. âI want you to tell me things about yourself that your little get-up canât,â he adds, vaguely gesturing to your appearance.
âWhat, youâre going to take this arranged marriage thing seriously? Youâre looking to settle down?â
Kaiser shrugs. âNot yet. But who knows? Maybe youâll change my mind.â
Clearly, you werenât prepared for this. You part your rose-painted lips as if to say something, then purse them as if to change your mind. He can practically see the thoughts doing laps in your mind, and with the way you glance at him, then out the window before letting out a resigned huff of a sigh, Kaiser canât help but think youâre kind of cute. Thereâs an obvious front youâre putting up and youâre somehow piquing his interest the more you talk.
âNo snarky response this time? Aw, youâre not living up to your reputation, princess.â
In a show of giving up, you finally drop your poised act, shoulder slumping as you throw your weight back against the chair.
âWhat do you want, Kaiser?â you say, arms crossed your chest.
âAs I said, to get to know you better.â
âIâm serious.â
âSo am I. See, these arranged marriage meetings suck on their own, so thereâs no reason to make it worse. If we have to eat at this shitty restaurant, with this shitty music, amongst all these shitty fake people, we might as well keep each other company.â
It takes Kaiser a moment to realize that youâre biting your cheek and looking out the window in an attempt to stifle your laugh. Heâs fixated on what is probably a rare expression on you.
He leans over the table for a better look, cocking his head to the side. âWhatâs that? Did I make you laugh?â
âNo,â you say almost too quickly, doing the most to keep emotion from showing on your face. Youâre terrible at it though. âI just thought you chose this tacky restaurant. I hate this palce.â
âWell, there you go. The first thing we have in common: I hate this place too.â Then, after a moment or two, he adds, âactually, my old man mustâve made the reservation. Itâs his favorite place, said he met my ma here.â
âNo way⊠this was where my parents had their first date tooâŠâ
âAh.â
The weird silence that came with finding out that he had something so strangely specific in common with you is, thankfully, disrupted again by that same waiter from before. He sets down your meals and beverages with a toothy grin, wishing you both a fine evening as he spun on his heel and left.
Youâre the one to start the conversation up again, with Kaiser noting your voice lacked that tension he sensed in the beginning.
âHow many times have you been on these kinds of dates?â you ask, gesturing with your fork.
âEight. You?â
âOh, wow. Only four but no oneâs ever made it to that second date before. I think some terrible rumor about me is going around because my parents are having a tough time finding a willing sacrificial bachelor,â you joke.
âIâm the opposite. Everyone wants to tie the knot with me after meeting me but they bail when I tell them Iâm infertile.â
You choke at that.
âIâm kiddingâŠâ Kaiser quickly says. The couple eating at the next table gives him a pointed glance of sympathy and he suddenly feels the urgent need to clarify his case. âThat was a joke, Iâm not infertile. I was kidding⊠Really, Iâm not infertile, alrightââ
âOkay! You donât have to keep repeating it!â you hush.
A spring gushes forth in his heart when he notices youâre giggling, this time making no effort to turn your face away and hide it from him. Itâs a sound he much prefers over the acoustic covers the restaurant speakers have been playing on loop and it makes him want to think of ways to hear it again.
âI wouldnât mind infertility, I think,â you continue, completely missing the dumbstruck smile on Kaiserâs face as you poke around your food and casually take what he made as a joke into something to consider. âKids seem like a huge responsibility. Iâd never be a good mom.â
âReally? You look like youâd be great with kids.â
âNo, Iâd be a terribly strict mom. I wouldnât let them eat sweets before bed, I wouldnât let them play until they finish their homework, and Iâd probably get mad all the time too.â
Kaiser waves his hand dismissively. âSounds like normal parenting to me. Iâd be the kind of dad thatâll sneak in the sweets after lights out, Iâd help them cram their homework in the morning, and Iâd rarely ever get mad.â
âYou seem like the kind of dad thatâd rarely get mad but would completely blow a fuse when you do get angry.â
âYes, exactly like how my old man is,â he cracks a smile. âSee? Wouldnât we make a good pair?â
Kaiser can tell from just your face that you had no idea where he was steering this conversation and when the realization dawned on you, the sight of your flushed cheeks made him beam. So this is what you look like when youâre caught off-guard. Itâs an expression no camera could ever capture, something that can never be feigned. You turn your attention back to your food before taking a long sip of your drink, hoping the time it took to empty the glass would make him forget how embarrassed you looked all of a sudden.
Unfortunately for you, Kaiser had already decided this isnât something heâll let go of easily.
âBy the way, let me be the first.â
You look up at him, skepticism shining in your eyes. âFirst what?â
âThe first to take you out on that second date.â
the second date.
To say you were nervous was an understatement.
Itâs the first time someone your parents chose wanted to see you again after the first meeting, so the novelty of it all made you rethink your outfit a few times, exchange your bag for another, and go back and forth checking the mirror. Keeping up appearances was like second nature in your family, so you doubly made sure that you looked exactly the part you were meant to play since the day you were born.
The only reason the tension in your muscles begin to relax is because you remind yourself that itâs just Kaiser youâre seeing.
Yes, Michael âworld-renowned professional soccer athleteâ Kaiser.
You met him once at a family friendâs New Yearâs party a few years ago, though it seemed he hardly remembered you. You, on the other hand, had been left with a very strong first impression that made you all the more wary about meeting him again all these years later.
Kaiser was notorious amongst your circle as an arrogant, self-absorbed, elusive man who allegedly knew how to win girls over to get one thing and one thing only. A very common stereotype tacked onto good-looking figures of the public eye, such as celebrities and athletes. You knew he might be much different compared to what everyone was saying but after meeting him again, you couldnât help but feel that his mannerisms and way of speech kind of lent to this image he had created for himself.
He was more a smooth-talker than you were prepared for too. Though the one thing that really caught you by surprise that evening was the fact that he wanted to see you again.
Whether it was a genuine wish or just an opportunity to toy with you, mother and father were delighted to hear that youâd be going on a second date. It was unprecedented throughout their laborious efforts to find you a husband, and so you went to see Kaiser again so as not to let them down.
Well, youâd be lying if you said that was the only reason you went.
This time, you chose the venue: a grill-your-own barbecue restaurant, a place not as fancy as that extravagant establishment you met him at two weeks ago but certainly a place worth visiting.
You climbed out of the cab just as Kaiser parked his car, and upon seeing you, he waited at the entrance.
âYouâre late,â he says, mocking you from that first meeting.
âWe arrived at the same time.â
âTo be honest, Iâm surprised you actually showed up.â
âSo you werenât serious about it? Fine, I can just head back homeââ
âNot so fast now, angel.â Kaiser gently pulls you by the arm before you can completely turn on your heel, his fingers lingering on your skin long enough for you to notice before he lets go. âDo you get mad over every little thing?â
âYeah,â you scoff, pushing past him as you enter the restaurant.
âI didnât think you ate at places like this,â Kaiser says after you expertly recited your usual order at the counter. Since he said heâll have whatever youâll have, you had free reign over which cuts of meat and side dishes to order. You didnât even need to read the menu to know what you wanted.
âThen stop making assumptions about me.â
âDonât you have, like, a private chef or something to grill your meat for you?â
You roll your eyes, pouring some iced tea from the pitcher into two plastic cups. âWe do, but I like doing it myself from time to time.â
Kaiser nods to himself, âI see. Miss Independent.â
Silence ensues for a moment. Though the crowd here is rowdier than at the fancy restaurant, you still find that the background noise doesnât do enough to fill the increasingly awkward air between you two and for some reason, you find the despeate need to say something.
âWell⊠How was your week?â
You only realized how unnatural and lame of a conversation-starter that was until you said it. Even Kaiserâs brows knitted together, the hand holding his cup frozen in mid-air.
âSorry, what?â
âI donât know,â you begin to ramble, speaking a little too fast when youâre trying to disguise how humiliating that was. âThis is the first time anyoneâs wanted to go out again on a second date, okay? I donât know what Iâm supposed to talk about.â
Kaiser snorts at that, âwait, you were being serious? No oneâs ever asked you on a second date?â
âYou donât have to sound so incredulous. Why would I lie about that?â
âOh, angel, the world is full of people who lie. But anyway, youâve got the looks, money, and statusâwhat else could a man want?â
You canât tell if heâs trying to comfort you or just make sense of something he sincerely canât comprehend. The latter seems more convincing to you at this point. Even though you brought it up in lightheartedness, what you said was no joke or exaggeration; no man has ever wanted to see you again after the first date. You didnât want to care about it, didnât want to be bothered by something you didnât truly expect in the first place, but being rejected like that still stung.
Father is convinced all men lack spines while mother pins the blame on the prestige of your family, saying that your social standing is too intimidating, too high up. You knew they were just trying to be kind without actually saying donât worry, the one for you is out there somewhere! but with the few times that itâs happened, you canât help but wonder if the fault lies with you. Maybe youâre just not desirable, or wife-material, or lovable.
The raw meat arrives in time for this conversation to end, much to your relief. You didnât want to unravel such a subject in front of someone like Kaiser and a deep-dive into your insecurities certainly isnât what you want to discuss over dinner.
Kaiser grabs a tong from the side of the table and immediately gets to work, the sizzling sound of the meat on the hot grill and the smoke rising from it filling the air. You reach out to retrieve a tong for yourself only to have Kaiser smack your hand away.
âNo, Iâll cook.â
âWhat, why? I can cook too.â
âLet me cook,â he insists, adorning the surface area of the grill with slices of beef, chicken, and vegetables.
âYou donât even know how I like them done!â
âThen you can tell me.â
You frown for a moment, clearly annoyed that heâs grilling the meat with one hand and still blocking the utensils from you with his other. âYouâre so stubborn.â
âSo are you,â Kaiser chuckles. âBut thatâs good, weâre here to learn new things about each other, right?â
Up until this point, you were fully convinced that Kaiser was just seeing you to kill time or something like that. Surely he had other, more preferable ways of spending his nights rather than meet with a girl his parents set him up with. He already established early on that he wasn't attracted to you, so why was he going out of his way toâ
"Medium-well or well-done?"
"I can do it myself," you mumble, making one last attempt.
"I said, medium-well or well-done?" he repeats.
"...Medium-well."
"I knew it."
"Sure you did."
"I did! That was what I guessed in my head!"
You hum, watching as Kaiser carefully transfers the meat from the grill to your plate. He lines up the slices of cooked meat neatly on your plate before filling up the sides with the vegetables he grilled as well, including carrot strips and garlic.
Heâs surprisingly meticulous at this, double-checking each slice of meat to make sure it's not overcooked, keeping the juices from spilling onto the table, and pouring just enough dipping sauce into your bowl.
âWould you say youâre a tidy person?â you wonder out loud. Habits like these typically carry over to other aspects in life.
âProbably.â
âDo you clean your room and do the laundry and stuff?â
âNah, weâve got a maid for that.â
âOh, right.â
âBut my ma is kind of a clean freak. I used to help her vacuum around the house and wash the dishes as a kid. I did dumb shit like try to vacuum the catâs tail and broke a few mugs by dropping them in the sink, but itâs made me pick up a good habit or two.â
The anecdote prompts the corners of your lips to twitch. Kaiser just gave you a brief glance into his childhood with so much candidness that it surprisingly made you more curious about who he was in the past; as a boy, a teenager, and all the versions of him that led up to the man who sat before you now.
When you shift your gaze to the table again, you frown at the sight of his empty plate. Foregoing the tongs and just making use of your chopsticks, you reach into the grill to pick up some slices of meat yourself. Before Kaiser can protest, you serve him the meat he's been so busy cooking for you.
"You should be eating too, stupid," you mumble.
The gesture stuns him for a moment before he takes this as a prime opportunity for more teasing, that sultriness dripping from his voice again.
"Mm, want to feed me one yourself, princess?" he says, leaving his mouth wide open. You search the table for a second before stuffing a piece of lettuce in his face.
"Oh right, I didn't get to answer before, but my week's been good actually. What about yours?"
Oh, you didn't think he was actually listening when you asked.
"My week's been gâ" you stop short only to recall the dreary meetings, cranky clients, and half-assed reports you have to correct and potentially rewrite by the end of next week, all of which reminds you that it hasnât been a good week. You correct yourself, âit was alright.â
"You hesitated," he points out.
"I mean, it was fine. Not terrible, not particularly good either."
"Any reason why?"
"Just the usual shitty stuff that comes with being a capitalist slave."
Kaiser chuckles, flipping another slice of meat all the while. "You, the daughter of an international conglomerate, being a capitalist slave?"
"We're the most dedicated slaves of all," you say dramatically. It makes him laugh and you have to remind yourself to keep talking so you donât get caught staring. "People think my work is cut out for me because I'm part of this family, but in reality, they work me like a dog."
"Sounds rough. Do you like it though?"
"Well, I'm good at it."
"That's not what I asked, darling." Kaiser lifts his gaze from the grill to really look at you, the first time he's done so tonight. "I'm pretty amazing at soccer, but I also fucking love it. Can you say that about your work?"
Ignoring the way he so easily talked big about himself, you pondered his question for a moment. Truth be told, it left you stumped. It was one of those open-ended questions that could leave you thinking for days, weeks, or even months. Have you ever honestly asked yourself if you liked your work, much less loved it before? Did you genuinely enjoy what you've been doing? Or have you tricked yourself into thinking you do simply because you've got a knack for it?Â
Actually, you've never even thought about doing anything else because you've lived your entire life with the understanding that you'll one day have to carry on the family business. There never seemed to be any space for what you wanted and what made you happy. But was that an issue? You do want to help your family and carry on a legacy thatâs so precious to them. Should anything be wrong about that?
"Dar-ling?"
Kaiser snaps his fingers in front of you, effectively pulling you out of your reverie. You didn't even realize you'd slipped into such a daze until Kaiser repeatedly called your name.
He tilts his head to the side, a softened smile on his lips, "you don't have to think about it so seriously. Sorry if I overstepped."
There it is. That somehow kind and patient look on his face. It doesnât surface often but when it does, it makes your insides go all tender. His apology tops it off all nicely as well, which makes you feel obligated to apologize as well. "Oh no, you didn't... overstep... I just completely zoned out, sorry."
"It's fine, by the way, I'll get to choose the place for our next date, right?"
Your eyes narrow in on him. "You want to see me again?"
"Of course."
"...I'm starting to think you're actually considering an arranged marriage."
"Don't flatter yourself, princess. I'm just killing time."
As you thought.
But the tone in which he said it didnât sit right with you. You didn't know Kaiser well enough to confidently tell when he's lying or not, but you're somehow certain that what he just said isn't the truth at all. There's no way he'd make these softened expressions and speak to you so earnestly if he was just killing time. Thereâs no truth in that. And you don't know what to do with this information. Was it too conceited to think he might actually be interested in you? Was it pathetic that the thought makes you kind of giddy?Â
You try to downplay your expectations, overwrite any thought that might disappoint you down the line.
"Fine. Where are we going next?"
"It's a surprise. I'll come pick you up."
the third date.
âYou know, you donât actually have to go on five dates with me. I can make up some excuse so you donât have to waste your time,â you say as soon as you climb into his car.
Youâre wearing something fancy again, your shoulders exposed, a different tiny bag in your grip, your nails a lighter color, and your make-up as flawless as the last time he saw you at the barbecue restaurant.Â
He hasn't told you where he's taking you and upon seeing how much effort you seemingly put into that get-up, he feels like he's going to get an earful when he does arrive at the destination. You haven't noticed his casual wear yet, perhaps because it's dark out, so Kaiser launches into a made-up explanation to distract you as he drives out of your apartment lobby.
"No, I've come up with a brilliant plan to keep my parents from arranging these things again."
"It sounds terrible already."Â
"Listen, I'm going to go out on these five dates with you, I'm going to tell them we hit it off and that I think it might work out, they're going to be happy and I'm going to act like I'm so in love, and at the end, I'm going to say you dumped meâ"
"What?!"
"âI'll go through this long period of devastation and they'd feel too sorry for me to make me meet anyone else."
"Wait, you can't tell them I dumped you. They're going to tell my parents and my parents will interrogate me over why I dumped someone who could stand going on three dates with me!"
"You know, you make it sound like men have to endure spending time with you. What'd you do to scare 'em off like that?"
"I didn't do anything..." you say, your voice trailing off.Â
Kaiser notices a shift in the air and glances over to see a split-second of that dejected expression on your face. It's the same one you wore the last time you mentioned this and Kaiser is convinced the subject is more sensitive than he thought. You sink into your seat, face turned to the side so that you're looking out at the window.Â
"Where are we going anyway?"
Kaiser hums, eager to change the topic as well. "Somewhere you'd never expect."
"Well, as long as it's not a McDonald's drive-thru or something,â you jest.
Kaiser bites his tongue to keep from bursting into laughter because when he actually does pull up to the nearest McDonald's drive-thru, as he planned to from the very beginning, you're already fisting his shirt in an attempt to throttle him.
"You jerk! Don't you know how long it took me to get ready?! If I'd known we were going here I wouldn't have gone through the goddamn trouble! I put this stupid dress on for nothing!"
"Nah, you can think of it as dressing up for me, princess," he says, playing with fire by sensually wrapping his hand around your wrist.
You let go of him immediately to escape his cheap advance. âGross. Youâre so infuriating, Kaiser, I swear to godââ
Good evening, welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order?
Kaiser promptly rolls down his window, completely ignoring your protests as he leans towards the speaker outside. "Yeah, I'll get a big mac."
Would you like a meal with that?
"Yep, upsized please."
Kaiser then turns to you with a pointed expression, silently asking you what you want to have. Your only response is to pout and frown in his passenger seat and Kaiser has to actively stop thinking about how adorable you look. Your silent protest ends when the lady on the opposite end of the speaker adds, is there anything else you'd like?
"A double cheeseburger," you say through gritted teeth. Just as kaiser is about to repeat your order, you add, in the smallest voice possible, "and 6-piece nuggets."
Kaiser chuckles, turning back to the speaker. "Yeah, also a double cheeseburger and 6-piece nuggets. Make them both meals."
Would you like those to be upsized as well?
Kaiser turns to find you vigorously shaking your head. "Yep, upsize them all, thanks."
"Ugh," you sigh.
Thank you, please proceed to the next window to make your payment.
Parked in the back of the McDonald's parking lot, with the engine off and the sunroof open to let the cool autumn air in, Kaiser watches curiously as you enjoy your nuggets. Youâd both just finished your burgers and the only sound he hears now is your munching, as well as the brief hums that leave your throat. He knows youâll never admit it in front of him, but you look pretty happy with your nuggets.
When you meet his eyes and notice him staring, you jut your chin out at him. âWhat?â
âI want one.â
âNo.â
âJust one.â
âIf you wanted nuggets, then you shouldâve gotten your own.â
âTch, youâre stingy.â
âYeah, I'm a whole lot of things you wonât like, Kaiser.â
Kaiser reaches into the paper bag for the french fries. He pops a few into his mouth then, as if testing the waters, offers you one. He suppresses the smirk threatening to play on his lips when you eat it from his fingers. Itâs like you didnât even notice heâs feeding you. He eats one more fry himself, then gives you another.
"Yeah? What else then?"
"I'm impatient. Greedy. Sometimes possessive. Judgmental. I don't take criticism well, I bottle things up, explode at the worst possible timing, and I burn my bridges."
Kaiser nods. It sounds like a list youâre familiar with, as if counting off your worst qualities was a favorite pastime of yours. "Wanna know my worst qualities?"
"Ooh, I didn't know you're self-aware."
"I'm an egoist. Rash. Selfish, consumed by self-righteousness. I hate admitting I need help, I can be manipulative to get the things I want, and I get unforgivably frustrated when there are things I can't have."
There's not a hint of mockery in his tone and the quiet that follows is one born out of a shared understanding that you've just confessed the ugliest parts of yourselves. It hits differently in the privacy of his car, with the stars out, and a half-moon hiding behind a haze of clouds.
Kaiser's head falls against the leather seat as he turns his body to face you. "What about your best qualities? Tell me that."
"My best?"
"Yeah."
The doubt that fills your avoiding eyes tugs at his heartstrings. Why did you just laugh like it's a silly thing to ask? Why do you seem so hesitant, so reluctant? Why was it far easier for you to list off all the worst things you are compared to this?
"I can go first," he says, perhaps in an attempt to boost your confidence. Heâs perfectly aware he can be a bit full of himself sometimes but heâs not stupid enough to know thereâs also a way of talking good about yourself without sounding like a narcissist. "I'm dedicated. Attentive. Committed. I fulfill my promises, I don't give up on my dreams. I'm something of an optimist."
You don't make fun of him for it at all. In fact, you're nodding like it makes sense, like these actually are qualities present in him even though you've hardly seen evidence of it.Â
"And you?" he says, reaching out to poke your nose.
You take a deep breath like a new student nervously introducing themselves to the class on the very first day of school. This is something that's taking a lot of effort from you, he can tell that much.
"I'm... uh, I'm... I guess I'm... hard-working?"
"Yeah, that's a good start."
"I'm compassionate, I think. A dutiful daughter. I'm... wise...? I don't know, this is too hard for me, Kaiser."
"You're a lot more than that, you know."
It takes longer than he expects for you to reply, and when you do, there's a distinct chill in your voice.
"You can save the pep talk, Kaiser," you say, faking a smile. "Sometimes, things aren't as cut and dried as they seem."
He knows what you're trying to say. Thereâs a resigned look in your eyes and a hint of indignation in your low voice. You don't want to talk about this anymore. Even Kaiser knows when not to cross the line.
So, he smacks a hand to his chest and dramatically throws his head back in a showy attempt to evade the topic altogether. Kaiser is a master of misdirection and heâll make sure to breeze through this bump in the road with you. He wonât let this shift in mood mark this night.
"I'm so hurt!" he cries, "you're trampling all over my efforts to create an intimate moment with the prettiest girl I've ever seen!"
The deadpan expression on your face is priceless. "...You're overdoing it, Kaiser."
"Am I, mademoiselle?" he tries to take your hand, but you pull it away with a laugh before he can kiss the back of it.
"Wait, do you speak French?"
"Non, why? Does it look like I do?"
"It sounds like you do."
"Ah," he says, nodding to himself like a lightbulb lit up in his head. "You think French accents are sexy, don't you?"
You consider it for a moment. "Actually, I don't know. I've never thought about it."
"Good answer. If you had said yes, I'd be rushing off to learn how to speak with a french accent."
Your eyes twinkle in the dim lighting of the McDonald's parking lot streetlamp and Kaiser really needs to fight the urge to kiss you.
You sigh, tearing your gaze away from him. "You're such a sweet talker, you know that?"
"Is it finally working on you?"
"No."
"Damn, guess I gotta keep trying."
âDo you want a McFlurry, by the way?â
âYouâre still hungry?â Kaiser asks.
âI have a separate stomach for dessert. If you donât want any, I can go get my ownââ
âNah, itâs fine, I'll get it for you. Just wait here like a good girl.â
âI'm not a child.â
"Oreo, strawberry shortcake, blueberry?"
"Oreo, please and thank you."
Kaiser responds with a satisfied hum. âYouâre cute when youâre polite. Iâll be back soon, donât miss me too much!â
He can't even suppress his smile any longer, and you watch, with reddened cheeks and fumbling thumbs, as Kaiser makes his way inside the fast-food chain with an obvious skip in his step.
the fourth date.
After twenty agonizing minutes of arguing about who's going to pay the bill for your fourth date, you sit beside Kaiser with seething rage as you watch him triumphantly hand his card to the waitress. The card is swiped, his pin punched in, and the waitress leaves with a kind smile on her face, wishing you two a lovely night.
"Here, you can have this," Kaiser says, sliding the bill holder to you, which now contains a few pieces of mint candies in place of the bill. You noticed Kaiser also managed to swipe the receipt before you could even take a peek.
"Send me your account number. I'll transfer my share."
"Darling, you don't even know how much it even is."
"I can check the menu."
"Doesn't include tax and service charge."
"10 percent for tax because it's an upscale restaurant and an 11-percent service charge. I'm not an idiot."
Kaiser keeps silent for a moment. "Can you please just let me pay for your dinner?"
"No! I'm going to feel indebtedâ"
Kaiser holds his index finger up to stop you. The only reason you shut up is because his phone is ringing and you recognized the caller ID before he picked up.
"Hey, ma!"
If it was anyone else, you would have carried on with your argument, fighting to the death to pay him back. But because it's his mother, you'll resist, even if for a few moments.
"Yeah, we just finished," he says, glancing at you before pulling the receiver away slightly to tell you ma says hi.
"Tell her I said hi back!"
Kaiser makes a face at the innocent, demure tone you adopt, worlds removed from the aggression you spoke with just a moment ago.
"She says hi too, yeah."
You take one of the mints, ripping the wrapper open before popping the candy into your mouth.
"I'm just dropping her off at home, so it's fine. It's on the way anyway."
Kaiser taps you on the shoulder, pointing at the candy, then at himself. Do you want one? you mouth, to which he nods.
"So, laundry detergent, lemons..."
You unwrap the candy and hand it to him, but Kaiser shakes his head then points to his mouth instead. The sly man wanted you to feed him.
"No way!" you whisper.
"Chips? You sure, ma? Dad likes the salt and vinegar ones though?"
Kaiser takes matters into his own hands when he encircles your wrist, trying to guide your hand to feed him the candy. You resist with all your might but Kaiser, whoâs obviously holding back his strength, keeps tugging you playfully.
"Ooh, okay, yep. Got it. Love you, ma. See you."
His casual expression of affection for his mother momentarily distracts you, and after hanging up the call, Kaiser takes it as a perfect opportunity to dive and retrieve the candy for himself.
From your fingers.
With his lips.
You freeze in shock for one second too long, which gives him the chance to kiss your fingers, his moist lips on the very verge of suckling your skin before taking the candy by his teeth. Goosebumps ride up on your spine as a result of it and you smack his arm.
âKaiser!â you shriek, cheeks ablaze and your face red up to your ears.
Kaiser bursts out laughing at how bashful you look. He slips his phone back into his pocket and rises to his feet.
"C'mon, princess. I'll take you home. Oh, and do you mind if we stop by a grocery store on the way, though? Ma needs me to pick up a few things."
Your eyes instantly light up at that. This was your chance! Surely Kaiser couldn't do anything if you paid for his groceries to make up for dinner. After all, itâs only fair.Â
The closest supermarket to your apartment happens to be a mega supermarket, a huge grocery store that operates 24-hours and probably stretches the length of an olympic-sized pool.
Kaiser enters without even glancing at the rows of trolleys or stacks of baskets.
"Do you have to get a lot of things?" you ask, barely keeping up with his long strides.
"Yeah, a handful."
"Don't you need a basket?"
"Nah, it's not that much. I can carry it."
After fifteen minutes and repeatedly turning down your offer to go fetch a basket, you watch him with an unimpressed look on your face as Kaiser attempts to balance a 1-liter bottle of laundry detergent in his elbow, a plastic bag of lemons in between his fingers, four bags of chips in his arms, two cartons of milk in his other hand, and a small pack of batteries on top of that.
Heâs perfectly aware that youâre just watching him struggle without a basket, but he doesnât say anything out of his pride.
One of the bags of chips then falls to the floor.
You sigh tiredly at this circus, bending over to reach for the bag, when Kaiser stops you.
"No, no, I got this," he claims.
When he lowers himself to the ground, the bag of lemons slips through his fingers, falling to the ground as well. The batteries then follow.
"For the love of god, just let me help you."
With the way his shoulders slump at the realization he wonât be able to pick things up from the ground, Kaiser almost looks like a lost puppy.
"...Fine," he relents.
For some stupid reason, Kaiser was stubbornly committed to not using a basket even for the rest of your trek through the supermarket. Employees approached the two of you more than once to offer the assistance of a basket, to which Kaiser turned down both. Now, you're both walking around the huge place carrying all your things in your arms, and picking up more stuff than what Kaiser's mother asked for.
You realized you needed a new toothbrush. Kaiser just remembered he ran out of shampoo. You're planning to bake tomorrow, so you need some yeast. Kaiser forgot his mother asked him to get eggs too.Â
You wandered through the maze of supermarket aisles together, picking up things here and there like couples do. You canât help but admit that you do quite enjoy the domesticity of it all.
At the cash register, you're hit with the reminder that you accompanied Kaiser here in the first place so you could pay for everything. You and Kaiser load all your things onto the conveyor belt and wait patiently as the cashier scans the barcodes.
"Would you like to pay together?" she asks.
Kaiser steps forward, effectively blocking you. "Yep, all together."
You knew he would do this. If it was a battle of speed, you were likely going to lose against him as well. Luckily, after your last defeat at the restaurant, you have a contingency plan.
âOh, Kaiser! I just remembered!â you search through the piles of things on the belt before picking up a yoghurt drink. âCould you get the blueberry flavor of this drink?â
Then comes a strategy youâve employed more than enough times. Youâd be lying if you said youâve never used your looks to get someone to do something for you. You look up at Kaiser with big eyes, blinking slowly as your gentle plea leaves your lips. âPlease?â you say, briefly touching his arm in a way you never have before. He looks at you before glancing at the yoghurt drink, and for the briefest moment, you think it wonât work.
It does though.
âJust one or two?â he asks, taking the drink from you.
"Just one is fine."
Kaiser takes off immediately, luckily already out of earshot when the cashier turns to you with a slightly apologetic look in her eyes.
âOh, maâam, Iâm afraid we donât have that drink in that flavor.â
"I know," you smile cunningly. "I just needed to get him out of here because I'd like to pay for everything, please."
The cashier looks surprised for a moment before breaking into a smile. "You two make a very cute couple."
"Is that so?" you laugh. "All he does is get on my nerves though."
"That's all love really is sometimes, isn't it?" the cashier says, scanning the last of your items. "It really shows in the way he looks at you, by the way."
The cashier doesnât notice how that takes you by surprise as she bags all your items. The words sound like something straight out of a script for a romantic film, not something that could ever be applicable to your life. You donât know how to respond except to smile, so much bashfulness contained in the apples of your cheeks.
"Here's your total! Cash or card?"
"Card please."
Kaiser takes his sweet time and returns empty-handed, as you expect. âDarling, I couldnât find the blueberry one. I looked everywhere but all they had wasâŠâ his voice trails off as when he notices the bagged groceries and the paid receipt already stapled on the outside of one of the bags. âDid you pay for everything?!â
Youâd have reveled in Kaiserâs excessive reaction, even taking pleasure at the victory you secured in paying your share tonight, while he went off on a rant about how it made no sense that you paid for the groceries when they consisted of things he picked up for his mother. But Kaiserâs ramble entered one ear and out the other as you both made your way back to his car, because all you can think of were the words of the cashier.
They continued to echo in your head until you fell back on your bed, staring up at the ceiling.
It shows in the way he looks at you. Did Kaiser look at you with love?
the fifth date (and the proposal).
Your nerves return to eating your insides as you make sense of the finality that comes with tonight being the fifth date, meaning it is the last of the arrangement courtesy of your parents and Kaiserâs.
Your parents have tried to pry in on the matter but you evaded the subject altogether. Partly out of sheer embarrassment and partly out of fear. Because whatâs going to happen after, you didnât know. Youâve been operating under the guise of the impression that the two of you were just fulfilling your obligations as filial children to your parents. You convinced yourself this was nothing more than just helping them out with a chore, like picking up their groceries or making them breakfast.
It should be nothing more than another task you can finally cross off your list⊠So why has there been a looming sense of dread haunting you since this morning? Why did you keep staring at the clock, waiting for 7 p.m. to arrive, and find yourself hoping the night will never come to an end?
Kaiser insisted heâll plan this last date but he hasnât told you about where heâs taking you, which you made sure heâd do so you can dress appropriately. But youâve been so fidgety and on edge because Kaiser hasnât texted you at all today. Not even his usual good morning ⥠or the occasional good luck with your meeting, darling!
You hated to admit that youâre waiting on him. You pace your room for a moment, distracting yourself with some work emails and going through documents that need signing, until your phone finally lights up with a notification youâve been looking forward to.
Except itâs only disappointment that fills your chest when you read his words.
Practice is running late today, donât think I can make it for the date tonight :(
Thatâs okay, we can reschedâŠ
Youâre crestfallen. You throw your phone across your bed before dropping your weight as well. But you donât get the time to reprimand yourself for such a pathetic reaction when your device lights up again. You move in reflex to check it.
I still want to see you though :(
Kaiser is always more honest than you could ever hope to be. You bite your lip, feeling your heart begin to race as you ponder the connotations of what youâre about to suggest. Oh, to hell with it.
You can come over, if you want. Iâm staying up anyway to do a bit of workâŠ
Kaiser replies to you immediately.
:O are you trying to seduce me?
You stare at his message long enough for your idle screen to lock, and in its reflection, you see the dumb smile spread across your face. You rollover onto your stomach to get a grip.
Never mind. Forget I asked.
Iâll head over as soon as Iâm finished ;)
Rush-hour traffic had long subsided by the time Kaiser finally made his way to your place. He was initially frustrated that training was going to ruin his dinner plansâhe was this close to ditching practice altogether and just brace whatever sanctions the coach would give himâbut now that youâve offered him to come over, he canât help but think itâs a blessing in disguise.
After parking his car down the street, Kaiser walks into the lobby to find that the security guard recognizes him. The guard gave him access to the 42nd floor, which was one level below the penthouse but also consisted of one apartment unit; yours.
He waits patiently for you to open the door and all he feels are the jitters. Itâs been a really long time since he was last this nervous. Seeing you late into the night actually kind of makes him feel like a rebellious teenager again and he wipes the sweat from his palms on the back of his trousers.
His hair is still slightly damp from the shower he took after practice, but he doesnât even care at this point. Heâs just so excited to see you that he feels almost dizzy. He knows he just saw you last week after the whole ordeal at the supermarket and yet, he wants to keep seeing you.
Tonight marks the last date of the arrangement, but Kaiser is confident he doesnât want it to end here. It canât. He wonât let it.
When you finally open the door, your scent brushing past him like a spring breeze, Kaiser immediately breaks into a smile. Of course, you look casual today, so uncharacteristically laid-back and relaxed.
âMissed me, darling?â
You click your tongue before letting him in. âWipe that smug look off your face, Kaiser.â
Kaiser hums, carefully stepping inside as he inspects your home. Every corner of this space is filled with you and he wants to take in as much as he can to learn more about you. He whistles impressively at the grandiose unit; sparkling floor-to-ceiling glass windows on every side, sleek furniture all in tones of aquamarine and beige, a massive flatscreen TV that curves to accommodate your wide sofa, and a brand new playstation 5 sitting atop the console table under it.
âEh? You game?â he says, pointing at the console.
âSometimes,â you shrug. âItâs usually for when my friends come over.â
Kaiser raises a brow, turning to you. âGuy friends?â
âIs that jealousy I hear?â Kaiser purses his lips like he didnât even recognize the implication of this question. You pay it no mind though, âitâs just girls. We mostly play horror games though.â
âOh⊠okay, I didnât see that coming.â
âDo you want to play?â
âNope.â
You find his all-too-quick response humorous, laughing a little before turning on your heel to head towards the kitchen. Itâs an open-floor space so youâre not going very far. Kaiser makes himself comfortable on the sofa, surprised that the velvet feels really soft under his palms.
âDo you want snacks? Water? Juice? Tea?â
âWhat kind of juice dâyou have?â
âOrange, uh⊠cranberry, and mango, I think.â
âWhatâs your favorite?â
âWell, I like cranberry these days butââ
âOkay, cranberry it is then.â
Your head peeks out from behind the door of the fridge. âWhy do you always have what I have?â
âBeacuse I always want what you want.â
From where he sat on the sofa, Kaiser notices a familiar blue and red device peeking out from the drawer of the console table.
âIs that a Nintendo Switch?â
âYep,â you call from the kitchen.
âSweet, letâs play Mario Kart.â
Kaiser gets up to turn on the console and find the controllers. When you approach, carefully making your way over with a tray filled with snacks and a pitcher of cranberry juice, Kaiser rushes over to help you.
âAnd here I thought youâd try to Netflix and chill,â you say, dropping your weight onto the fluffy carpet.
âYou almost sound disappointed, angel.â
âThink what you want Kaiser, but donât cry if I kick your ass at Mario Kart.â
âAh, shall we make a bet then?â he taunts, reclaiming his spot on the sofa. Heâs sitting close enough to you for his leg to brush against your arm and because youâre sitting on the floor, all it takes is a reach for him to ruffle your hair. âThe loser has to grant the winner a wish.â
âThatâs so childish.â
âSo?â
âYouâd wish for something dumb. Like for me to start calling you darling or something.â
âThatâs not a bad idea. But hey, that means you think I have a chance of winning.â
âYeah, right. You canât win against me.â
âThen bet on it,â he says, leaning forward.
You donât back away from his advance until Kaiser is leaning right into your face. â...Fine.â
ââAtta girl.â
He falls back against the sofa as you reach for the TV remote on the coffee table, though in the process of looking for the device, you happen to glance at Kaiserâs phone, which coincidentally lights up at the same time. You donât really pay much attention to who the notification was from, but something else does catch your eye.
âYour friends call you Mihya?â you ask, still staring at his phone until the screen goes black again.
âOoh, so youâre the type to snoop around my stuff.â
âI wasnât snoopingâŠ! It happened to light up while I was looking at it!â
He chuckles, subconsciously reaching out to smooth down the back of your head in some attempt of calming you down. âIâm just playing with you, princess. The passcode is 0-0-0-0.â
âI didnât ask for your passcode. And donât you think thatâs a pretty weak one?â
âIâve got nothing to hide.â Kaiser takes the remote from you to switch on the TV. âOh, check out the latest photo in my gallery, by the way. My coach took it earlier.â
You donât even know why youâre doing as told but you do feel hesitant about unlocking his phone, scared about what you might accidentally find. But upon unlocking it, all you find is that thereâs nothing remotely personalized about his device. Heâs using the default wallpaper, the default theme, and only has a bunch of health apps downloaded.
You open up the photo gallery only to immediately lift your gaze to look at Kaiser severely unimpressed.
âKaiser. Why do you have so many shirtless photos of yourself?â
Youâd be lying if you said you didnât look. You did. For a second. Before averting your gaze. But that second was enough to burn the image of his glistening skin, likely from post-workout, the toned muscles of his arms and abdomen, and the striking vines and rose tattoo that spiraled up his arm and bloomed on his neck. It was an unexpected eyeful and you needed to clench your jaw to pretend you werenât at all affected by it.
Kaiserâs eyes, on the other hand, search the ceiling in an attempt to deflect. You thought he mightâve owned up to the photos and brushed it off as nothing but his sheepish reaction makes you think he completely forgot those photos were there. And that youâd see them when he asked you to open up the gallery.
âRight,â he says, not knowing how to deflect.
âIs it for your personal interestâŠ? Do you, I donât know, send them out to anyoneâŠ?â
âNo, no! Itâs just⊠force of habit?â
He has a habit of taking photos with his shirt off?
âRightâŠâ
âYou can look at them⊠if you want,â Kaiser says, trying his best to muster up that confidence that usually comes so naturally to him. He doesnât even know why the prospect of you seeing him like that makes him a little shy, but after finally noticing the way youâre tensing up makes him a little bolder.
âKaiser, you are sorely mistaken if you think Iâd be interested in seeing you shirtless andââ
âOh,â Kaiser spots a window to tease you. âSo photos arenât enough? You want the real thingâŠâ he purrs, slowly lifting up the hem of his shirt.
âKaiser,â you jump to your feet with one hand grabbing for one of the cushions on the sofa. âI swear to god, Iâm going to kick you out of here.â
Kaiser dodges your first hit with the pillow and seeing that he evaded your strike seemed to spur you on more. You swing again and Kaiser crawls backwards on the sofa, reaching for his own weapon of choice; a cushion slightly bigger than yours.
"No, not my face!" he cries.
You chase after him, climbing onto the sofa and advancing on your knees as you try to strike again. Kaiser shields himself and continues to back away until his spine hits the armrest at the end.
âGot nowhere to run now, huh?â you taunt, raising the cushion over your head. It doesnât look like youâre teasing with the ambition burning in your eyes and out of genuine concern that you might actually whack him into unconsciousness, Kaiser goes for a weakness heâs certain you have.
He tickles the space between your waist and your hips, his fingers tenderly digging into your skin. You squirm immediately, a high-pitched yelp echoing in the room as you fall forward right on top of him.
Kaiser is prepared for this though. He catches you immediately, sturdy arms holding you tight before he flips you over. Now he hovers above you while your back is pressed to the sofa.
âThat was a foul!â you complain.
âThere were no rules, darling.â
âStill,â you pout.
While you proces the compromising position youâve ended up in, you find yourself unable to move. Not because you couldnât, but because you wouldnât. You didnât want to. This is the closest youâve ever been to Kaiser and you felt him everywhere. He has your hands pinned to the sides of your head, gentle grips on your wrists. One of his knees presses in between your thighs. His warm breath fans your cheek with every chuckle that causes his shoulders to rise. With his hair falling to you, such a serene shade of blue coloring the tips of blonde, you get a better view of that tattoo on his neck. You want to touch it. Youâre fighting every urge to touch it.
âHey, can I ask you something?â you say instead, hoping that the more you talk, the more youâll be distracted from your intrusive thoughts.
âYeah?â
âCan I call you Mihya too?â
He looks taken aback by such an out-of-the-blue question. âDepends, only my close friends call me that.â
âI can be your close friend.â
He cocks his head to the side, an amused grin gracing his lips. âIs that so?â
âYeah, we went to a McDonaldâs drive-thru together after all, and did some grocery shopping. I think that constitutes close-friendliness.â
He hums thoughtfully. âSure, if thatâs what you want.â
âMihya.â
Any thought Kaiser had at that moment turns into dust because all he can think is the sheer sweetness that comes with you calling him by his childhood nickname. It rings so familiar in your voice. You handle his name so gently and cautiously, like a kid carrying a wounded bird back into the house. Itâs a name he doesnât go by anymore, a name he wonât share with anyone, but hearing it from your lips stuns him into complete silence. It sounds like the call of a lover. It feels a lot like coming home.
Kaiser lets go of you, leaning back to sit on his heels.
âMih-ya. Mihya~â you tease, sitting up in front of him.
âDonât say it for no reason,â he says quietly.
âI like saying it though. Itâs cute, isnât it, Mihya?â
The look in Kaiserâs eyes changes and you donât need to think long to know that itâs a look of desire. He locks his gaze on yours before glancing at your lips, your heart thumping in your chest so loudly he might be able to hear it.
âIâm going to kiss you if you keep doing that,â he says, again in a low voice like heâs mustering all the self-control that he can.
âYouâll have to marry me first.â
That calm, borderline teasing, response immediately snaps Kaiser out of his lustful trance. Common sense returns to him in an instant and he takes your words in earnest.
âOkay. I will.â
For some reason, his response now leaves you speechless. Your pupils shake as you try to mend the situation you didnât intentionally mean to create. âW-what, wait, I was jokingââ
Were you, though? Kaiser thinks. He knows how mockery sounds coming from you and it certainly wasnât that.
âI wasnât joking though,â he interjects. âWasnât that what these five dates were for? I donât want this to end, I want to keep seeing you.â
He reaches for your head but you pull away, backing up to climb over the sofaâs armrest to stand on your feet. The skyline outlines your silhouette from where Kaiser is looking at you, your back to the large window.
âYou have no idea what youâre talking about,â you say.
âI do. I want this. I want you.â
âYou hardly know me.â
âI know enough to want to know you more.â
You back up when Kaiser also rises to his feet. âKaiser, this isnât funny.â
âI swear, Iâm not trying to be or anything. I want to marry you. I was going to tell you by the end of the night.â
âYou said you werenât even attracted to me! That you were just killing time with me!â
âI was lying,â he reasons. âI didnât know what to make of these feelings so I lied.â
âSo are you lying about wanting to marry me then?â
âNo,â he says firmly.
You hold his gaze for a moment that feels too long before shaking your head and walking away from him briskly. âWeâd be terrible together.â
âNo, weâd just be us.â
âWeâd fight all the time.â
Kaiser follows you, âand Iâd apologize.â
âNo,â you turn around to find him right on your tail. You take one step back. âIâd be the cause of why weâd fight all the time.â
âAnd Iâd still apologize,â he insists, ready to take all responsibility.
â...Iâm everything you hate in a person.â
âYouâre everything I want.â Kaiser makes a gentle grab for your arm before you can turn away again, this time holding you in place by the dainty skin of your palm. âLook, I mean what Iâm saying. If youâre telling me I shouldnât want you, I wonât listen. But if youâre telling me you donât want me, Iâll back off. Iâll do anything you say.â
âKaiserâŠâ
âTell me.â
Kaiser squeezes your palm ever so slightly, but you know that the moment you turn around to face him is the moment youâll give in. Youâre not ready to accept the fact that your heart already longs for him. Itâs too much, because as soon as you acknowledge that you reciprocate, then you also acknowledge that this is real.
âPlease?âÂ
It's his plea that gets to you, the broken down sound of his voice, the slightly weakened utterance that sounds so vulnerable at this time of night.
You turn to him and melt in an instant. â...I do want you, I want you so bad but Iâd be the worst to you, Kaiser. The absolute worst.â
âYou wonât.â
âIâll bottle everything up and youâll never ask for my help. Weâd be so bad for each other.â
âAnything you lack, Iâll make up for. Anything Iâm missing, youâll fill.â
His arguments are winning you over. You can feel your bones softening by the second and all you want to do is collapse in his arms. But you steel yourself and try again, even if all you can muster is a weak excuse.
â...Iâd be horrible with the kids though.â
Kaiser nods, a fond smile spreading across his face as he recalls that first meeting with you. âYou wonât let them have sweets before bed?â
You nod, âand youâll sneak them in after lights out.â
âAnd you wonât let them play until they finish their homework?â
âBecause they know youâd help cram it the next morning,â you complain.
âAnd youâd get mad all the time?â
âYouâd get so fed up with me.â
âItâs nothing I canât handle, darling. Weâll work through it together. Weâll make each other better.â
Kaiser tests the waters and draws closer to you. When you donât take a step back, he reaches out to cup your cheek, his thumb slowly grazing your skin. You lean into his touch a little and it makes his heart skip.
You let out a deep breath, your shoulders rising and falling in the process. âOh no,â you mutter, brows knitted together. When you look into his eyes again, Kaiser knows what youâre going to say before you even say it. âI think Iâm in love with you, Mihya.â
Kaiser canât hold himself back anymore. He roughly wraps an arm around your waist, pulling you flush against his chest. âDidnât I tell you Iâd kiss you if you keep doing that?â he whispers.
âI know,â you breathe, and itâs all Kaiser needs as permission to finally kiss you for the first time. It serves as a promise, a seal; an oath heâll safeguard evermore. Â
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you shouldn't have heard isagi say that he had bought a ring.
you've had conversations with your boyfriend about marriage. after four years, it was only natural. i'd like to get married one day, you had said a few months ago. in response, he had pulled you in his arms, grinning, me too.
and it was also only natural that on your anniversary dinner, at one of your favorite restaurants, that you thought he would propose.
but you miss the clang of the fork hitting the ground, or maybe you ignored it unconsciously, yet when you see isagi get on his knees, you let out a gasp.
the sound is audible enough that he looks up to you, and thatâs when you see the fork in his hand.
âwhatâs wrong?â he asks, looking concerned.
it wasnât your fault that you had overheard him. it was an accident. he had been getting ready to leave for practice in the morning, thinking you were asleep, talking hushed with bachira on the phone, and you had heard him clearly say, i'm going to pick up the ring today.
the shame that fills you when you realize heâs on his knees to pick up a fork, and not to propose, is immediate.
âoh! um...â you stutter, your voice cracking, "...n-nothing." you clear your throat uncomfortably.
he looks at you weirdly, before getting back up. you give a shaky smile to the waiter when he comes to replace isagiâs damned fork, and try to keep your disappointment hidden for the rest of your dinner.
as you get into the car, you wonder where you went wrong.
was it so bad that you wanted to get married after four years? did you have to push your thirties to get married to the love of your life? were you unreasonable to expect a proposal on your anniversary?
as isagi drives you home, to the apartment youâve shared with him for the past two years, and itâs becoming more obvious that he didnât have anything else planned, other thoughts start to cloud you.
maybe you had heard wrong, or he was referring to some other ring. maybe you were dreaming. maybe he didnât want to marry you, after all. why would he when he was rich, good-looking, a star athlete? what did you have to offer him, except for your love?
his voice snaps you out of your trance.
âyouâre kinda quiet,â he remarks lightly, âare you okay? did you like your food?â
you clear your throat, and force a smile, âyeah, it was good, as always.â
heâs peeking at you from his peripheral vision, and you can tell he doesnât believe you. but youâre so caught up in these doubts, the disappointment so heavy on your chest, that youâre having a hard time hiding it.
isagi pulls into the parking garage of your complex and shuts off the car. youâre about to get out, feeling suffocated, but he puts his hand on your wrist.
ây/n,â he says, âi can tell when youâre upset.â
you fiddle with your hands, anxious, about to explode. the silence is deafening, and you feel like you're at the edge of a cliff.
âi thought you were going to propose,â you blurt, looking down at your lap.
itâs quiet, only the sounds of tires against pavement faint in the background. you can hear your heart pounding in your ears, the blood rushing through your veins.
finally, he chucklesâas if it was funnyâand wonders, âwhy would i do that?â
your heart sinks, and your blood freezes.
âi donât know,â you mumble, feeling silly, "nevermind."
when you finally glance at him, heâs looking at you blankly, as if he hadnât just confirmed your worst fears. as if the thought had never crossed his mind. you unclick your seatbelt.
âletâs just go home,â you insist.
youâre not sure how you manage to act normal, or maybe isagi just doesnât want to bring the issue up again, but you manage to fall asleep beside him for a few hours.
at dawn, youâre already awake. and you remember exactly what isagi had looked like when he had asked you why he would ever ask you to marry him.
you glance at him beside you, his expression soft, his snores even. and usually, you love this version of your boyfriend. all versions of him, in fact.
but right now, all you want to do is leave.
so you get ready, slipping out of bed without waking him up, pulling on your big sweater that isnât his, and leave through the front door.
because they want to be together, you think, even though you know itâs unfair to isagi.
you donât even notice the time until youâve finished your second coffee and your stomach growls.
itâs past noon already, and you hadnât even received a text from your boyfriend asking where you were. he had to be awake by now and done his morning jog. so why wasnât he saying anything?
instead of getting lunch, you get an iced tea to go, and leave to take a walk.
when you finally return home, the doorway is dark. but you see isagi's shoes, so he must be there.
"yoichi?" you call, unsure.
it's quiet. you turn on the lights in the living room, and when you round the corner, you see that it's been completely changed.
MARRY ME? was written in petals on the floor. the room was so filled with flowers that the scent was thick in the air. you're stunned, even as you take a step forward, touching the bouquet to confirm that it was real.
"surprise," isagi murmurs, coming up to you from behind, covering your eyes.
you can't help it, after everything. you start to bawl loudly. he laughs, different from last night, and spins you around in his arms.
he takes your face in his hands, "why're you crying? i didn't even propose yet."
"i justâ" you hiccup, your eyes swelling, "i don'tâ"
isagi grins at you before he drops to one knee. he pulls a box from his pocket and opens it to reveal a ring he knew you'd loveâthe prongs coming up around the diamond, a hidden halo wrapped around the base of the prongs, looking just like a tulip.
your lip quivers.
"i love you, always," he tells you honestly, "will you marry me, y/n?"
"yes," you breathe, "yes."
isagi holds you in his arms later that night, your ear next to his heart.
"sorry about last night," he mumbles, embarrassed, "i didn't mean to say that. i had this planned for tomorrow. i wanted your parents to be here, but their train got delayed. when you asked me, i was already stressed and just got caught off guard..."
"when i woke up this morning, and you were gone, i knew i had to do it today. so i was busy getting this all ready, hoping you would come home eventually."
you tighten your arms around his waist. "it's okay," you reassure him, "but it did hurt."
"my bad," he tells you, kissing the top of your head.
"did you just wait in the dark for me to come home?" you smile a little, imagining him sitting in your kitchen, wondering when you would arrive.
he pouts. "i would've waited forever for you, if that's what it takes."