Living In BiPolar Realities

I lost my soulmate 20 years ago to liver failure. He was only 46 years old. The only time I have felt him was the day I was told he had passed.

Today I was with him in a dream state. We didn't talk but the feeling of being complete transcended everything. I left him to walk to a friends house and along the way I found myself next to a ravine. Mud had piled up and for some reason I decided to walk down into the ravine. Once down I knew I was in trouble. I had no cell phone and the sides of the ravine were impossible to climb because it was mud and I would just sink back down.

One thing I detest is a liar. There's never any reason to lie. By doing so you become untrustworthy. And if I cannot trust you we cannot be friends.

Right now I am living at a horse ranch about 30 minutes from town. At first it was fine. At first. Then as always happens, truthreveals just how fucked up things REALLY are. This woman is a 72-year-old unstable, whiny, unreliableliar who is sucking the life out of me and draining my money. I told her from the start that I had medical appointments that I had to be at weekly. No problem she said. She also stated that as far as the rent, just pay what you think is fair. Ok, no problem. The first 25 days here I gave her over 1,700. I didn't give her any money the next month because she had nickel and died me for gas money, she would come up short at the grocery store then lean on me to cover it. Claiming she only gets 35.00 in food stamps. I have had to pay gas even if SHE invites me into town. I hear about the same problems over and over and if you confront her about something she whines and claims she just cannot cope, everything is high drama with her. Wego to her grocery store, I hate it they never have what I want. If I ask her to just drop me off across the street to my store from hers, she plays the I'm in a hurry, Ihave to get back home cause I have to do this and this and this... I detest this person. I have not been able to wash any clothes while here and I don't see it getting better.

Sierra Mountians.

FOLLOW YOUR SEX ACT PAGES.!!!!!

I don't know if these women are unable to work REAL jobs or if they are fishing for a sugar daddy. I am a disabled, 60-year-old female, stop already. Your games are old and I don't play.

At first I ignored the knocking on the bedroom door. At first I just assumed I was hearing things. I got rid of the Welcome mat outside the sliding glass door,turned the chair facing the bed around to face the wall. Now I am trying to figure out how to block the mirror facing the side of the bed. I also burned sage now I am planning to seal the doors with salt. Last night was the worst. I don't sleep well,and won't till I can cleanse my area.

Things are not going as well as it normally does. Even Yogi is acting super weird staring into corners and spacing out. I know something is trying to get in if not already with a foothold.

I'm not afraid,evil feeds on fear. I am also not stupid. There are ways to fight back. You just have to do it and not back down.

Several people have died on this property. And they haven't left.

I have always taken care of myself, parents could but didn't, husband wouldn't. It always fell on me. Begging for help is not something I am good at. But,I find myself 150.00 I the hole,again this month and it's only the 6th. I do not have the funds necessary for gas to get to town. I would walk but 30 miles is just too far to go on foot at my age and with my poor health. I am in Stage2 kidney failure,Hepatitis C and COPD. I have critical doctor appointments on the 7th,8th and 9th. Without money for gas I cannot get to any of these vital appointments. If you have taken the time to read my post this far,Thank You.

I hope that you will donate to my cause. If not, please pray for me.

I don't have any family that I actually like. My mother,and I use the term loosely, deserted me,her son and my 3 brothers not once not twice but three times. But,not before she lied about my being able to get financial aid at 15 and pregnant. She claimed you had to be 18 to get any federal/state help. When she failed at that she kicked me out and it was the third and last time.

After notseeing her for years ,she decided she would take my kids to get a paycheck. She lied to,abused my kids and I have never been able to have any type of relationship with my 4 oldest. I tried over the years,but they had been indoctrinated against me. I found it was better for my own mental health to just forget them just as they have me. Family,my family, are so busy back biting each other and fighting over stupid shit that cutting them out of my life was one of the best decisions I have ever made. My baby brother,the only one I have left,is incarcerated right now but due to be released after the first of the new year. I have stood by him for the last 7+ years with money,cards and phone calls. We are planning to move out of state . Since we both will be on Disability we need to find a state that is cheaper to live in. I have Stage 2 kidney failure,COPD,HEPC and mental illness (bipolar,ptsd,depression,social anxiety and severe anxiety) So,we have to move where medical is good. He also has medical issues. I want to stay here but not in this county. Cost of living is through the roof nbut my SSID & Widow benefits might decrease if I move out of state and I barely make it now. I know this, I will be rescuing another dog and my brother wants a dog. So,that's 3 dogs. I favor pits and other large dogs. He wants an ankle biter lol.