étais, suis, sera

“would it hurt for you to smile a little?” he joked with a light smile, yet his eyes look heavy. “i just want us to be friends at least, so don’t look at me like that.” 

if this had been a few months earlier, haera would have taken out a handkerchief and wiped the dirt off of junseo’s face, fussing over her star seeker. now, haera can’t imagine doing such a thing. there’s an almost wistful look in his eyes, and she wonders if he’s thinking the same thing.

for a moment, haera thinks this is it, the moment she’ll finally get closure between them. her mind races, trying to formulate a response in advance, but when he says ‘nothing,’ she feels stupid for expecting anything more than that. she smiles bitterly. stupid girl. 

“i didn’t know we were still close enough to be checking in on each other,” she replies curtly, but seeing the worn out state he’s in, she lightens her tone slightly. “it was a good game today, you must be proud.” she’s never really enjoyed small talk, much less with her ex-boyfriends. whatever junseo wants from her— if he even had anything to say at all— she hopes he cuts to the chase.

she tilts her head slightly and eyes him warily. “friends, huh?” she asks, a sigh escaping her mouth inadvertently. what is with all of her exes and wanting to stay friends? 

it always seems so insignificant, the paltry ‘let’s stay friends’ offered after a breakup. more often than not, it was nothing more than an attempt to alleviate the feelings of guilt on their part than a genuine attempt at friendship. she doesn’t mean to feel so jaded already, but it kills her to hear it every time.

“okay. let’s say we’re friends. but then what. we start hanging out again? we pretend none of this happened? it’s just, like... what’s the point, junseo? where do we go from here?”

“haera!” he calls after her before chasing toward her with his broom in his hand. this could either be the worst decision of his life and ends in humiliation for him, or the best, he has no idea which and leave it to the gods to decide.

“can we talk?”

haera loves game days. she loves coordinating outfits with her friends, painting designs on her face in house colors, cheering in the bleachers until her throat hurts. she loves being part of the crowd, being part of that overwhelming energy. most of all, she loves the resolved tension in the air when the game is over and she and her friends decide where to go out to eat. today, their team won; dinner is looking like it’ll be fried chicken and somaek to celebrate. the general feeling in the air is one of revelry, and it seems to be infectious from the way that haera’s cheeks hurt from smiling so hard.

she glances behind her as someone calls her name in the crowd, and her mood immediately shifts. her eyes narrow at the source of the voice. junseo, still flushed and sweaty from his game, comes barreling through the throngs of spectators filing out of the stadium. it had been months since he’d run after her like this, and she can’t say it’s quite a welcome sight anymore.

haera had dated junseo briefly during their first year, the last in a long line of unsuccessful relationships. he hadn’t been the worst boyfriend, but he hadn’t been great either, and maybe it was his lukewarm indifference that made their relationship hurt all the more. there was only so much that she could do before it was time to give up. she still believed in true love, she really did. but she also believed that love shouldn’t have to hurt for it to be real.

she turns back to her friends, maintaining a cool smile. “you guys go without me, i’ll catch up with you later,” she says to them. a sigh escapes her mouth as her friends leave her, still chattering away happily. she crosses her arms over her chest, not a hint of her previous smile on her face as she turns to face junseo.

“hi? um, what—” she pauses. she means to say ‘what do you want,’ but changes her mind quickly. “what’s up?”