* / brand new city

her early life can be described with one word: unnoteworthy. the second daughter was brushed under the rug in hopes the next would be a son.

because of this she finds her independence easily. growing up there always seemed to be something more important than her occurring at all times. at a young age, she knew how to handle her own matters. permission slips from school went to woong, her mother’s assistant, when she was hungry, she’d find mi-hi to send word to the kitchen. unless she was dying, bothering her parents was out of the question. in comparison to dahye, her disposition is seen as temperate.

she thrives socially, mostly because it is the only place people care about her, and really care. her quietness dissipates almost as soon as she steps foot outside the imperial palace, the urge to blend into the shadows doesn’t follow her. she makes a good group of friends and follows their path to university.

her friends from university were always so brilliant. by surrounding herself with great minded company, she hoped even just a little of their passion would rub on to her. though not royalty, she saw her friends become powerful business women, ground breaking scientists, talented artists ... she envied people with a dream, a talent, a calling. but despite her best efforts, nothing ever came. it was then her parents began throwing names of suitors at her, none ever particularly satiating. she struggled through her fine arts degree. she let jealousy eat away at her slowly, until the perfect proposition fell onto her lap. the emperor of china.

once the idea of empress started to become real, it became evidently clear this was her calling. she felt she had to do very little to be impressive. and not to mention, her mother has never smiled at her so largely! it had started to feel like she had been waiting all her life for this, unbeknownst to her, the deep rooted feeling of inferiority began to dwindle, and it had never occurred to her this was something she wanted in the first place. 

that’s not to say jianguo didn’t have a part in her fate. his kindness and cleverness made it impossible to say no to. it was her third visit to the palace that made her future all too clear in her mind. she loved the life, she loved the people, she loved him.

then came the whirlwind. the white dresses, the florists, the never ending list of guests. her life became consumed by duty. and finally, the coronation. she’d never forget how tightly her father hugged her that day. and for a few years, things flowed smoothly, her life worked perfectly. wenli’s birth was the natural order of events. she had impressive feats to display next to her name, shiny achievements to show her friends and family. 

the most difficult part was learning how to navigate the chinese imperial family. she had experience a coldness in her family, but not to the jin’s extent. after extended kindnesses, she was quick to learn they operated better in their own bubbles. jianguo’s side of the story was the only story she knows, or knew.

for years, gahye has tried her best. she has trusted her husband and his disposition, willing to stand beside his decisions. writing off lixue’s disdain was easier than inserting herself. she allowed the infighting because of the sureness she felt in her position. everything felt like taunts, until the escalations made her world come crashing down.

a year of captivity in the palace does not exactly breed understanding. no, a year in captivity breeds resentment. a year without contact with her husband, only to find out about his death through palace staff ? no, this does not bode for forgiveness. it bodes for revenge.

tl;dr

processing lots of grief atm

here for wenli’s sake