YesterDane film reviews

Cade: The Tortured Crossing (2023)

Film review #713

Director: Neil Breen

SYNOPSIS: Billionaire super hero secret agent/Jesus allegory Cade donates some money to a mental hospital in disrepair. His aim is to secretly help the young inmates become warriors to fight evil. Cade's twin brother Cale is back, and tries to abduct the patients for his own experiments however...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Cade: The Tortured Crossing is a 2023 film by Neil Breen, and a sequel to the 2019 film Twisted Pair. The film stars Breen once again in the double role of twins Cade and Cale, as well as director, producer and everything else behind the scenes. As always with his films, Breen stars as a superhuman Jesus allegory or something, and a plot that revolves around fighting evil corporations or something, all in Breen's typical abstract, naïve way. This film is in fact even more incomprehensible than his usual efforts: superhero billionaire, secret agent maybe also genetically engineered A.I. and Jesus metaphor Cade invests in a mental hospital that is run down, and secretly uses it to train its patients to becomes warriors that fight evil...apparently anyway; I didn't get any of that from actually watching this. Once again, Breen focuses on abstract monologues about good and evil than making any sense.

Near the beginning of the film, Cade helps some young adults who are in a crash, and takes them to his castle - or maybe the hospital - I don't know. Rather than take them to get medical attention he has them stay the night...on the floor. Then they seem to be staying at this run down hospital where they are kept in appalling conditions, and Cade is still supposed to be the good guy? Honestly, this film is baffling, and I don't think anyone other than Breen himself can really get what is supposed to be happening. And this is all before we deal with the scene with Breen wrestling a tiger, and the dance sequences with a ghost or something which defy any attempt at mental processing.

Twisted Pair (2019)

Film review #711

Director: Neil Breen

SYNOPSIS: Cade and Cale are twins that were abducted when they were children by aliens and given superpowers to save the human race. Cale's methods were deemed too extreme and violent and he was dismissed from the program, but now as adults, the two twins clash as they try to stop an evil corporation using A.I. and other scary concepts...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Twisted Pair is a 2019 sci-fi film by Neil Breen. The film centres n two brothers, Cade and Cale, who were abducted by aliens and given super powers to save humanity from greedy corporations that use scary buzzwords. Cale is abandoned as his methods of dealing with corporations and CEOs is deemed too excessive (apparently), and now that they are grown adults, Cale is working as a secret agent bringing the evil corporations down, while Cale kidnaps CEOs and tortures them, setting up the two against each other when they finally reunite. Whether you are a fan of Breen's anti-establishment, no budget endeavours, or detest his over pretentious allusions to being the second coming of Jesus, you'll either love or hate the fact that Breen, aside from directing, writing and producing the film as usual, also plays the two main characters, so you get double the Breen for your buck. The only real difference visually between the two being that the evil Cale has a beard, utilising the typical "Evil Spock's beard" trope. The iconography is about as subtle as being hit by a truck going the speed limit, with Breen stroking an eagle and narrating about artificial intelligence being evil (he's not entirely wrong, but he's not actually making much of a case or interesting story with his weak script and bland delivery).

The plot of this film is the usual Breen stuff: evil corporations are doing evil things, using evil Buzzwords like " artificial intelligence" and "nanotechnology" to do bad things. Breen's character himself (or themselves, I guess) are the sole ones capable of saving humanity from itself, and are the only bastion of good in the world free from the grip of corporations. Also adding in the mix of aliens and Breen's character having allusions to being Jesus, you've got the typical Breen formula. There's nothing new or unique to really highlight in this film. You can appreciate Breen's seemingly genuine desire to be independent and not bound by any corporate interests, but would it hurt to get extras that can actually act, or maybe learn how to do effects that are not just cut and pasted from in front of a greenscreen? there's also the typical habit of Breen's character dating women quite a bit younger than he is, which is questionable at best. there's no real evolution in Breen's filmmaking, thought or writing: it's just the same recycled stuff over and over, for better or worse.

The End of Eternity (1987)

Film review #711

Director: Andrei Yermash

SYNOPSIS: A group of immortals use their time travel technology to make minor adjustments to the timeline to improve humanity. Thomas Harlan is a technician who aids in this project, and when he is assigned to spend a week in the 482nd century with a woman named Noys, he falls in love with her and attempts to protect her from being erased from the timeline, and in doing so, uncovers a vast conspiracy...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The End of Eternity is a 1987 sci-fi film based on the novel of the same name by Isaac Asimov. Having looked at the 1976 Hungarian TV movie adaptation previously, I know that this is quite a difficult story to adapt. The film introduces us to The Eternals, who use time travel to incrementally adjust human history to improve it. Thomas Harlan is one such Eternal, who is assigned to stay with a woman named Noys in the 482nd century, but when he fall sin love with her and learns that an alteration to the timeline will erase her, tries to hide her in one of the hidden centuries, and uncovers the true nature of The Eternals. The whole plot is again quite complex, and requires a fair amount of attention to follow accurately; it's difficult to place where - and when - different scenes are taking place. In spite of the difficulty of adapting a difficult text, I think it still does a decent job of presenting the story, you just have to pay attention for the two hours runtime.

The film bears the marks of soviet cinema; the scenes have a grand and epic atmosphere to them, and everything is delivered and presented seriously. The set design too has lots of detail and complexity, as it blends science-fiction with classical architecture. A big change in the film is that there is a lot more focus on Harlan's rebellion against Eternity, rather than the romance and personal journey of the main character. The ending is also changed from Eternity being abolished through Harlan's actions, to instead show how they continue to operate, and Harlan's continued attempt to overthrow them. This is a rather standard change you would find in soviet cinema: the presentation of the Eternals as the ruling class, the bourgeoisie (emphasised by their dressing up in 20th century business suits despite being from the far future), and Harlan, the everyday worker, being oppressed by them and dedicating himself to overthrowing them. A change which offers little resolution for the characters or plot, and muddles up the story a little. not being familiar with the novel's intricacies myself, I can't really comment on how well it adapts the novel, but as I mentioned, it still has difficulties making the story flow, but that is I think more that the story is just not suited wholly to the structure of a film (which is perfectly okay; books don't have to be adapted into films).

The End of Eternity (1976)

Film review #710

Director: András Rajnai

SYNOPSIS: From the "Time Channel," a group of immortals control the development of humanity by carefully studying and altering certain events. Thomas Harlan works as a technician for the Time Tunnel, and falls in love with a mysterious woman who is from a time period that has blocked off access to the time travellers, and uncovers the dark truth of the organisation...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The End of Eternity is a 1976 sci-fi TV movie based on the 1955 novel of the same name by Isaac Asimov. The film opens up in explosive fashion, with a literal explosion of some sci-fi setting and people dying as the title appears. We next see Thomas Harlan, a technician for a group of immortals who control the Time Tunnel that they use to travel through time and make careful changes to history for the better. Harlan trains another man named Cooper to travel to the 21st century, and this provides us with an opportunity to learn about the setting and world. I have not read Asimov's original novel that this film is based on, but I suspect that it explains things a lot better than this film does: there is a lot of information t9o be delivered about the mechanics of time travel, the different eras, the society of the immortals, and so on. A novel gives you the space to tell this, but this film can only get so much across, and I was very quickly lost over what was happening. Basically, a woman from a time period which has managed to close itself off to the time travellers and their interference arrives, and Harlan falls in love with her. This is a part of his boss's plan to get information on how her society was able to block time travellers, and when they imprison her in the far off future, Harlan has to try and get her back. It's a simple enough story I suppose, but as mentioned, the ways it's explained is very opaque. This is compounded by the short runtime of eighty minutes, and a very off pacing that doesn't build up much suspense or tension: it feels like every time there's something new happening, the film needs more time to explain it, and it brings every thing to a standstill. Maybe it flows nicer if you can listen and understand the language rather than watching with subtitles, but I feel that might not be enough.

Cornman: American Vegetable Hero (2001)

Film review #709

Director: Barak Epistein

SYNOPSIS: Cornman was just an ordinary man until he was exposed to some mysterious corn-based chemical. Now he is a superhero fighting the legions of the evil Dr. Hoe with his corn-based powers...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Cornman: American Vegetable Hero is a 2001 superhero film. Starting off with an introduction to the film by Lloyd Kaufman, you can probably tell (if the title doesn't give it away) that this is a satire of superhero movies on a shoestring budget. Featuring Cornman, who stabs people with corn, and his sidekick Butter Boy, who pours hot butter on his enemies. They face off against the evil Dr. Hoe and his henchman for some reason, whose powers are no less absurd. There's barely any semblance of plot in this film, just a series of vaguely connected scuffles and bickering. As mentioned, the film has next to no budget, and it looks like a good portion is filmed in someone's backyard, and no proper audio equipment means that you can't really hear the actors a lot of the time. The humour is mostly crude, and gory, but still manages to make some funny jokes: there's one point where the director stops the film and decides that the actor playing Cornman isn't the right fit, and replaces him with a more muscle-bound one. The content and comedy is alright, but it's delivered by actors who can't really act, which will enhance or diminish your experience based on what you expect from the film.

The One (2001)

Film review #708

Director: James Wong

SYNOPSIS: A martial artist travels between multiverses in order to kill different versions of himself with the aim of being the only one left, which will apparently grant him God-like powers. He is caught but manages to escape into the universe where the last version of him is, and cop Gabe Law must find a way to stop...himself...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The One is a 2001 martial arts sci-fi film starring Jet Li. Jumping straight in to a multiverse themed plot. We see one man trying to kill 123 other versions of himself across the multiverse and absorb their energy, so he will be the last one left standing, which will apparently unlock some God-like powers or something. It's not really explained in any detail since nobody has ever done it before. The premise is, however, somewhat similar to Highlander, where immortals face off to be the last one standing for some prize. It's not too difficult to grasp either way. Essentially, Gabriel Yulaw travels to the universe where the last version of himself is, Gabe Law, and attempts to kill him, and Gabe teams up with a Multiversal Cop (Jason Statham) to stop him. The film is primarily a martial arts film, and doesn't explore it's world in any real detail, but that's not what you're here for. The fight scenes are good enough, and are fast and fluid, but generally don't seem to accomplish much. With Jet Li playing both main characters too, there often feels like there's very little to separate them, and to recognise who is who amid the fast-paced fights.

Starry Night (1999)

Film review #707

Director: Paul Davids

SYNOPSIS: Artist Vincent Van Gogh meets a strange woman who offers him a magic potion that she says will resurrect him over one hundred years after his death. Sure enough, he comes back to life in 1999 to find his artworks that, having been forgotten in his lifetime, were now valuable and world-famous. He starts stealing his own artworks from the collectors that have purchased them, claiming they belong to him, and leading him to having to prove he is the real Vincent Van Gogh.

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Starry Night is a 1999 film based around the Dutch artist Vincent Van Gogh. The opens up with Van Gogh being visited by a strange woman who gives him a potion that apparently will bring him back to life about a hundred years after he dies. Who she is, why she has such a potion, why it takes about a hundred years to come to back to life; none of this is explained any further. We cut to a grave of Van Gogh, and next, a present day parade with Van Gogh wandering around lost. Again, no detail given to how he managed to resurrect himself and get there. This is an ongoing issue with this film, in that the scenes are very disjointed and often implausible how one gets from one scene to the next. This continues when Van Gogh ends up in hospital next to a lawyer from Los Angeles, and next scene, he ends up in L.A. There's no conceivable way Van Gogh would be able to travel from the Netherlands to the U.S.; he's not exactly going to have a passport is he? There's a bit of the typical fish-out-of-water scenario as Van Gogh tries to adjust to the present day (of 1999), but there's not a lot. The story instead is focused on the plot of Van Gogh learning about how valuable his artwork has become, sets out to steal his artwork from the rich collector's that have brought them, and attempting to prove that he is who he says he is, and they are his property. Again, how he is able to constantly break into mansions, evade modern security systems and steal highly valuable artwork is never really explained.

Supersonic Man (1979)

Film review #706

Director: Juan Piquer

SYNOPSIS: A superhuman being from another planet is sent on a mission to Earth to save humanity from itself. Settling in New York City under the name of Paul, he has to stop the sinister plot of Dr. Gulik, who plans to take over the world...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Supersonic Man (sometimes known as just Sonic Man) is a 1979 superhero film. From the outset, we see our hero in a spaceship or capsule thing as he is sent to earth to save humanity from himself, eventually coming up against some evil genius. It will not take much brainpower to work out that this is a low-budget derivation of the recently released Superman films of the time, looking to cash in on that much more successful film. From the opening, featuring tacky special effects, iffy greenscreens, and a robot that's built out of cardboard boxes and wielding a flame thrower, you know what to expect from the rest of the movie; and yes, it offers no real surprises: Sonic Man's must protect his love interest, she gets kidnapped anyway, her Father is a scientist who has also been kidnapped to work on a superweapon...all the usual stuff. There's never really a point where the film takes on it's own identity and doesn't feel like a rip-off.

The Fourth Kind (2009)

Film review #705

Director: Olatunde Osunsanmi

SYNOPSIS: A rural town in Alaska is plagued by a series of strange events. Abbey's husband is murdered, and Abbey suspects that an alien abduction was involved, and as other such cases start happening in the town, Abbey tries to uncover the truth before more people are affected...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The Fourth Kind is a 2009 science-fiction psychological thriller. The opening, introduced by Milia Jovovich, who plays the protagonist Abbey, but here is out-of-character. She tells how the events of the film are based on a true story, included archival footage of "actual events" and caution should be advised, and an open mind required to experience the events. This is, in actuality, all a lie: even the archival footage and the "real events" are made up for the purposes of this film. It's honestly a bit strange to present the story this way, and while I think it could work, here the story is nowhere near as compelling or convincing as it needs to be. The "found footage" stuff is presented convincingly, but once you know it's fake, it falls apart quickly (although you probably would not know that unless you looked the film up). It's quite possible, however, you will feel cheated if you know that the real events are false, and you're essentially being deceived.

The People that Time Forgot (1977)

Film review #704

Director: Kevin Connor

SYNOPSIS: Major Ben McBride learns that his friend Bowen Tyler may be alive in a remote region of Antarctica, and organises a rescue mission. Arriving there with his crew, he finds a forgotten land full of danger, dinosaurs, and not-so-friendly inhabitants, who will make things difficult as Mcbride tries to find his friend...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The People that Time Forgot is a 1977 film based on the works of Edgar Rice Burroughs, and a sequel to The Land that Time Forgot. The story sees Major Ben McBride (the only returning character from the previous film) organising a rescue mission to Antarctica, where he believes his friend Bowen Tyler has been stranded. Travelling there, he and his team encounter a forgotten land full of mythical creatures, people and danger. The film follows the vein of similarly successful ventures such as its predecessor and Journey to the Centre of the Earth, for example: it's a fairly standard adventure filled with dinosaurs, natural disasters and action that ticks all the boxes, but isn't anything particularly special. There's nothing unique about the dinosaurs brought to life by outdated special effects, or the cast of characters which fill very typical roles. There's some highlights when we get the establishing shots of locations such as the lair of the inhabitants, and if you really like explosions, there's a lot of them too, but everything around that just feels very formulaic, and doesn't generate a spirit of adventure by encountering things new or interesting.

Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)

Film review #703

Director: Bruno VeSota

SYNOPSIS: A pair of hapless army recruits are roped into investigating a nearby cavern that was recently discovered. It just so happens that said cavern is home to a pair of aliens and their deadly creatures that are threatening to destroy the world, and Earth's only hope is the two hopeless Privates...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Invasion of the Star Creatures is a 1962 sci-fi film. From the outset, it's clear this is meant to be a comedy and parody of the b-movie science-fiction films. The main issue of this is abundantly clear, in that the low budget b-movies are themselves already open to ridicule thanks to their daft costumes, wooden acting, and implausible plot holes, so there's seemingly very little purpose in actually trying to make fun of them. Nevertheless, we have two army Privates, Philbrick and Penn, who form a comedic duo who are roped into saving the world from two aliens who just so happen to have the form of scantily-clad women. The plot is barely there; stringed together from typical b-movie scenarios that poke fun at them a little, but nothing with any real substance. The humour is mostly slapstick and without teeth, but there's no real budget or imagination to do anything exaggerated and over the top, making the physical humour extremely limited and barren. It's not to say the entire film is completely flat; it does have a bit of energy and momentum, but it's nothing special or unique.

Synchronic (2019)

Film review #702

Directors: Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead

SYNOPSIS: Two paramedic workers, Steve and Dennis, increasingly have to deal with patients that have take a new drug called "Synchronic," which allows the user to experience powerful visions through time. As Steve discovers he has an incurable brain tumour and Dennis's daughter Brianna goes missing after she uses the drug, Steve begins to experiment with the drug itself and discovers it actually allows the user to travel through time. Steve believes that Brianna has disappeared somewhere in time, and is determined to work out how to find her before it is too late...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Synchronic is a 2019 sci-fi film. The film centres around two paramedics, Steve and Dennis, are having to deal with a host of new patients using a new drug called synchronic, which allow the user to experience strange hallucinations, particularly around travelling through time. Steve is diagnosed with an incurable brain tumour, and Dennis's' daughter Brianna goes missing after using the drug. With little time left, Steve decides to experiment with the drug himself and figuring out how it works to allow someone to travel through time, concludes that Brianna must have got stuck somewhere in the past, and tries to find a way to rescue her. the first thing that springs to mind about this film is that it's somewhat dense and difficult to get into: the drug producing these bizarre effects makes it difficult to grasp just what is happening and how real all of it is. The film eventually settles down and becomes a bit more defined with regards to it's objectives, but it takes a while to get there. The other thing which holds the film together is the relationship between the two leads, and this is done quite well throughout, providing a solid tether in an otherwise unstable narrative. The latter half of the film is a lot cleaner, as Steve learns about how Synchronic works and we learn alongside him. It's a bit literal, and feels like it swings too far the other way from the overly dense to the overly exposition-based, but it sets up the stakes and the motivations for the characters, and you can follow the plot well enough.

The Time Guardian (1987)

Film review #701

Director: Brian Hannant

SYNOPSIS: In the fortieth century, an army of androids are at war with humans, forcing them to retreat to the last safe city that can only escape their enemy by travelling through time. Two soldiers are sent back to 1988 to prepare a landing site in the Australian outback, but run into all sorts of problems...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: The Time Guardian is a 1987 sci-fi film. The opening text crawl gives us the backstory of androids called the Jen-Diki being at war with humanity in the fortieth century, and mankind retreating into the last safe city that can travel through time to avoid the evil androids. Yes, it sounds very Terminator-ish. The opening has a flashy action scene that's at least a bit interesting, although it's difficult to work out what is going on most of the time thanks to the close up shots and the lack of any decent lighting (obviously intentional to obscure the lack of budget to construct more elaborate sets). The city escapes to 1988, and sends two soldiers, Ballard and Petra ahead to ready the landing site. What follows is your more typical time travel 'fish out of water' style of story, where Ballard teams up with a geologist from the present to complete his mission. the split between the futuristic city and present day presents a whole host of problems for the story: it splits up the film between the future, where poorly-established characters just bicker at each other with no real purpose or direction, and the present where it becomes a typical story of a man from the future having to adjust to present day customs and a flimsy romance subplot. the constant switching makes it very difficult to establish anything concrete: Ballard is supposed to prepare the landing site for the city in 1988, but it's not really clear what it is he is supposed to be doing, and spends most of his time. The whole middle section is completely aimless until the finale starts and the robots arrive and a mediocre fight sequence serves as the climax.

AIMEE: The Visitor (2023)

Film review #700

Director: Charles Band

SYNOPSIS: Scott Keyes is a hacker that gets his hands on a strange piece of software that turns out to be an A.I. named AIMEE. When Scott starts spending time with his new girlfriend, she becomes increasingly jealous, and is determined to have him all to herself...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: AIMEE: The Visitor is a 2023 sci-fi film. Hacker Scott Keyes is given a piece of software that turns out to be an A.I. named Aimee. She becomes increasingly possessive of him and when he gets involved with a woman named Gazelle, AIMEE becomes jealous and tries to get her out of the picture so she can have Scott all to herself. That's it. That's the story. There's little bits about how Aimee might have come from the NSA and two agents are trying to get her back, but it doesn't add up to much. The opening mentions how Aimee is one of the first A.I. actresses (although she is voiced by an actual person), and you can tell just how far A.I. generated imagery has come since 2023 because the result here is not very convincing, and unable to show any real expression. Scott is made out to be a slob and a loser, but still looks fairly clean and well-toned. That's probably so the two gratuitous sex scenes aren't off-putting. The film worms it's way through a few cliché points before ending on a very flat note that resolves very little, but at only sixty-nine minutes (nice), it's at least no dragged out too long.

Cash Storm (2024)

Film review #699

Director: Dan Lantz

SYNOPSIS: A bank robbery goes wrong when the robber's van is sucked up by a tornado, causing over a million dollars of banknotes to swirl around. A pair of scientists want to test their machine which can theoretically stop tornadoes, and a pair of influencers who want content, all have to work together somehow to get want they want and survive the deadly cash storm...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Cash Storm is a 2024 film. As a deadly tornado rips through a central American town, a bank robbery goes wrong when the robber's van crashes and sucked into a tornado, creating a deadly storm of money. Meanwhile, a pair of scientists who want to test their machine than stop tornadoes (or something), and a pair of influencers who are chasing the tornado for content. The three groups end up having to work together to save themselves from the deadly storm. Despite having the premise of being a disaster film, it is a comedy film with a small production and budget. A majority of the film can essentially be summed up as pointless bickering between the different characters: very little else happens. Given that each of the different characters has their own objectives and motivations, there is a bit of scope for their characters to develop and accomplish something, but the back-and-forth of the story means that it never really goes anywhere, and is just stalling until the machine can stop the tornado.

Under the Crystal Sky (2025)

Film review #698

Director: Matt Hartley

SYNOPSIS: An indigenous American family witness unidentified flying objects in the sky at night. Meanwhile, an encroaching U.S. army threatens to make things difficult for them...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Under a Crystal Sky is a 2025 sci-fi film. The plot concerns an indigenous family living in the 1800s American Southwest, who one night witness a strange event in the sky with unidentified flying objects. The family is also under threat from the American Military, who have also moved into the area. If this sounds fairly vague, then that is by design: the film has no dialogue, and is extremely slow to establish anything. But overall, there isn't really much to establish: family sees UFO event, American soldiers come, attack man, daughter finds alien artefact and gets revenge. It's pretty simple, and could be effective, but even with a runtime of just over an hour, the film is still way too long for what it wants to do: this could have easily have been a ten or fifteen minute film.

Megaville (1990)

Film review #697

Director: Peter Lehner

SYNOPSIS: In a future where all media is outlawed except in the city Megaville, an agent of the media police is sent on an undercover assignment in Megaville to stop an underground crime ring which illegally distributes media. He is secretly implanted with a control chip that allows him to be controlled at will by his superiors, as a wider conspiracy emerges...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Megaville is a 1990 sci-fi film. It stars Billy Zane in his first lead role as Raymond Palinov, who is a member of the media police, who enforce a ban on all forms of media in the wastelands. After he experiences strange blackouts and episodes. His boss offers Raymond a new assignment to go undercover and crack a criminal ring that is smuggling media out of Megaville, the only place where it is legal. What follows is your very typical setting of a cyberpunk-thriller-dystopia-thriller that are plentiful in the realm of low budget films of the time. What perhaps stands out is that the plot is way too complicated, and filled with way too many things going on. Between the undercover operation, the mind control device secretly implanted in Raymond, the back-and-forth between the different characters, it all gets a bit too much and impossible to follow. The plot is driven only through tired scenes of dialogue and some vague action out in the desert which offer very little.