ʚ𝑳𝑶𝑺𝑻 𝑨𝑵𝑮𝑬𝑳ɞ

i. ) ms. delicate - baek yerin

𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑠𝑎𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑢𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑓𝑎𝑢𝑙𝑡, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑎𝑖𝑑 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑑𝑜, 𝐼 𝑠𝑎𝑦

a song that loosely describes the separation and her emotions in regards to leaving her parents behind to live anew. she’s confused, hurt, unable to turn to the singular comfort that had been by her side because it was sullied by their hands. she forces herself to accept this big change, saying it was for the best, though it has left a scar. 

ii. ) normal girl - sza

𝑖 𝑤𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑛𝑜𝑟𝑚𝑎𝑙 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙, 𝑜ℎ 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝑖 𝑏𝑒? ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑑𝑜 𝑖 𝑏𝑒 𝑎 𝑙𝑎𝑑𝑦?

on one hand, she wishes to be the type of normal who never lived such a contorted life. she wished she were simply: han yerin, not a former cult member, not from a corrupted family. just a girl with a normal life, to which then she wouldn’t have all this baggage to bear. on the other, she wish she were normal in the sense that her relationship with her parents were something she wasn’t residually guilty of, that she’d be the type of person they’d be proud of. the thought of her living her life freely disappointing them as it’d be viewed as “sinning” looms over her mind

iii. ) butterfly - umi

𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑚𝑦 𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑠 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒 (𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒, 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒, 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒) 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑒 𝑓𝑟𝑜𝑚 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑠 𝑖 𝑡𝑟𝑦 𝑡𝑜 ℎ𝑖𝑑𝑒 𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦

though it was not accepted within her church (cult) she’s a firm believer in resurrection. in her next life she wishes to be within nature, to not be subjected to the same echoes of pain she’s treading through, to not be shackled by guilt or the burden of love. in her next life, she wants to be a butterfly. 

 iv. ) when he’s done - tei shi 

𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 ℎ𝑒'𝑠 𝑑𝑜𝑛𝑒 ℎ𝑒'𝑙𝑙 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒𝑛 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑙𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑏𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡'𝑠 ℎ𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑡 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠

she’s had schoolyard crushes in her youth, nothing more than folded notes and shy glances. there was someone back then, someone who she could tell bided their time until they were older and wiser before asking her to a date, to which she politely declined. at the time the idea of perfect clouded her judgement, and they simply were not it. surprised by his presence and it’s impeccable timing, she now has a new face and name to tack onto her idea of a first love, as childish as it is. she poured all her ideas and projections onto him, only to be left feeling empty and unworthy. as if she had to lose herself in order to gain him. it feels wrong, and it leaves her feeling empty. 

v. ) to feel alive - kali uchis

𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑖 𝑤𝑎𝑠 𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑚𝑦 𝑏𝑎𝑏𝑦 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 (ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛) 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑛𝑜, 𝑖𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑠𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ, '𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ, 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑢𝑔ℎ 𝑖 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑚 𝑐𝑟𝑢𝑐𝑖𝑓𝑦 𝑚𝑒

her past life was one navigated deliberately, always taking the path that would be most righteous in the eyes of not only her idea of god, but to her family and friends. now that she abandoned her faith and their false teachings, she wants nothing more than to live life the way she was meant to. the process of making peace with the idea that she were being unjust in their eyes is like trudging through neck deep water, but she is one step closer than she had been.

vi. ) temptation - raveena 

𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛', 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑡𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑖𝑡 𝑠𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑠 𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑛𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑤

temptation in this context is her idea of what “sin” is, what she’s spent her entire life abstaining from. now she’s at a stage where she’s slowly accepting it’s call and succumbing to her fears.

vii. ) warm honey - willow 

𝑖'𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑠, 𝑠𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑚𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑑 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑖 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒𝑑 𝑖 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑒𝑥𝑖𝑠𝑡

the journey of navigating life alone and without guidance has her feeling lost: what is the purpose of existence without a goal in mind? then she realizes that all the values held before: to be perfect in god’s eye, to be the daughter her parents always wanted her to be does not exist anymore. that side of her died along with her ties to them. now she realizes that her life is free, and she is free.

viii. ) note to self - mariah the scientist 

𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔 '𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒, 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑖𝑡? 𝑑𝑖𝑑𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑡 𝑒𝑥𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑡'𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓

｡  :  °  ஐ ━ 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒕

born and raised in daegu, south korea, she was immediately baptized into her church in her hospital room at only three days old. 

she grew up in a neighborhood consisting of fellow members of the church, it was all she’s ever known. she grew up with the communities kids, calling people auntie and uncle despite not being blood related to them.

she grew up and mirrored her environment, placing her entire identity in the verses they read during sermon and even going so far as to joining their choir. 

when her father was promoted to pastor when she was 20, they sent him and the family to seoul in order to recruit more people into joining.

now less sheltered and able to be exposed to different lifestyles in a bigger city, she slowly began to realize how strange things were and how suspicious her parents were when it came to the church.

seeing her reluctance in being as involved as she once was, her family forced her to join the youth group who would walk around schools to try and convince people their age to join. for a while she was content in her parents approval and saw everything as harmless.

it wasn’t until her father left his office door open and she happened upon banking documents, thousands upon thousands of dollars being “donated” to not only the church but directly to her father’s name. she continued to snoop through his things, reading his emails and finding correspondence about numerous horrible things that goes on within her church’s walls.

she confronted her father about this, to which he admitted to everything and knew what he was doing, but emphasized that it’s god’s will and he was only a messenger. she turned her back on him and her family, and decided to pack up her things and leave. her father let her, not saying anything to his wife until the day after.

｡  :  °  ஐ ━ 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒕

the first place she thought to go to was busan, where her paternal grandparents lived. they weren’t involved in the church and were the only family she knew she could trust. they helped her by giving her a small sum of money to take care of herself but knew that her parents would be looking for her and it wasn’t safe to stay with them. they told her of a little town an hour away, one where they knew a friend of a friend that could get her a job right away. 

she stayed at the inn for a few weeks before meeting kwon inna, the teahouse owner, and was more than grateful when she offered a spare room in her home. 

her initial job was at the fish farm but after an accidental interview with the chief reporter, was given the job of staff at the ilbo on the spot (probably due to the fact that they are severely understaffed but, she appreciates it nonetheless kajdkajsd). she promptly quit her job as a fisherfolk and, after apologizing profusely, said her goodbyes to the smell of tuna.

currently, she's in charge of lifestyle articles: what do single twenty three year old women seek fulfilment from? she often explores busan to find inspiration for her mini articles, and after sitting on the idea for a few months now, made the decision to one day write an article about her personal experience in her "church" 

｡  :  °  ஐ ━ 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

surprisingly not as demure as people may initially think!! she’s definitely an extrovert, used to talking up people back in her recruiting days, and was often surrounded in groups of other kids her age, often being the "mom friend" amongst them all.

often thrives in group settings, finds one on ones to be too intimate for her comfort. you would have to be a close friend of hers for her to consistently hang out often with just you two alone. she'd prefer masking her personality to be amicable / likable to other people than struggle to keep the spotlight off her on one on one sessions

so yes she is relatively guarded, understandably so considering everything she's ever known was a lie and the two people she thought she could trust the most are actually horrible people. but you know!

is the overbearingly motherly type. carries band aids and extra water bottles in her tote bags in case of an emergency.

can be kind of gullible?? and curious. but only because she doesn't really know any better. most of her morals are based off an ancient book that she's come to hate so really its as malleable as wet clay right now.

she is very much a libra, air headed, living in her own world, but very set in her ways of justice. she always wants to see both sides of a situation and believes in giving the benefit of the doubt. her old friends would always go to her for advice whenever something went wrong.

despite her good intentions, she can often be judgmental, often comparing people to this idea of a good samaritan and sometimes shames people for their mistakes. its a hard habit she's trying to shake but its a work in progress.

cares too much about what people think of her and will go out of her way to ensure that you think she is a nice person and hates the idea of someone disliking her.

basically a mess and the vine where he goes: I WANT A CHURCH GIRL WHO GOES 2 CHURCH........aND READS THE BIBLEEEE but is now trying to find her identity outside of her faith which she's decided to abandon.