an

you had just graduated from high school in australia in may about 2 months ago, getting into SNU's college of fine arts. you intended to pursue your passion in painting. ever since you were a baby, you've loved to have a hand in art — always scribbling colorful images on everything you could touch, from big pieces of scrap paper to the walls of the living room.

from a young age, you have won a significant amount of trophies and medals for your paintings entered in art competitions. your parents were highly supportive of your hobby, pouring months worth of paychecks into your art lessons and academy tuition fees.

although you were quite grateful, you thought they could be overbearing sometimes. that's why you chose to attend a school far away; to have a breath of fresh air, away from your overprotective mother and father. you could never relax and let loose like you wanted if they were worrying over every little move you made.

for example, the time your parents had left you alone in the house for the first time because they were going to a friend's wedding. they made an extensive list of things to do and not do, and of course, you used the 'not do' side as a checklist.

in your defense, you hadn't planned to have so many people over, just your friend group. but your friend chaeyoung knew a girl that knew another girl that knew a guy, and suddenly your house was hosting a massive party for the entire student-body. it was an honest mistake on your part, vowing to never host a party like that ever again, and sticking to stunts that you could do yourself for some healthy adrenaline.

obviously your parents weren't pleased when they returned, seeing the aftermath of the events taken place the day prior. you were given a big scolding, but you didn't let that stop you from attempting to wreak havoc the next time they were out.

now, family gatherings weren't your favorite. you couldn't get away with anything so long as someone older was watching you. they thought you were a demon. an artistic prodigy demon. they didn't understand how someone like you could be so good at something that was supposed to be so peaceful. you think you've matured enough though; it's been years since you've actually done something bad.

a few of your relatives stayed in seoul after your parents left for melbourne, including your idiot cousin hyein and her parents. it was decided that you were going to live with them, since you've already stayed there on previous visits.

speaking of hyein, it had been a while since you've seen her, last being christmas, which was a disaster. did you say it's been years since your last incident? well, you lied.

all the adults were out for something that you don't remember anything about, and you, being the troublemaker that you were, had convinced the younger girl to help you hang yourself from the ceiling right above the tree. your reasoning was that you'd "wanted to be the star for the night," and sweet little hyein agreed because why wouldn't she agree to her cool older cousin?

(you don't know where hyein got the harness and rope, or how hyein managed to wrap the rope around the beam on the ceiling that extended past the second floor, but the younger lee's eyes practically sparkled at the thought of accompanying you in one of your schemes, so you decided to ignore it.

hyein buckled the harness, tightening it as you squirmed against the restraints. she flashed a mischievous grin at you.

"ready?"

"i was born ready.")

both of you failed to realize that the rope you were using was extremely frayed at the ends and had definitely gone through years of wear-and-tear. it ended up snapping, and in the process, dropped you onto the christmas tree that had just been decorated that morning.

your relatives came home to you and hyein on the floor, wide-eyed, with wounds littering your face and arms from falling onto the tree.

needless to say, you and your little cousin were never allowed alone without supervision again.

on another note, you finally arrived at the airport!

your dad went around the car to open the trunk and started taking your luggage out. shortly after, you and your mom got out of the car and went to join your dad in getting your things.

"so, SNU huh? you're going too far, kid!" your dad chuckled, extending his hand for a handshake.

you gripped his hand firmly, feeling the roughness of his palm, and moving your hands up and down once.

you grinned. "i'll be back before you know it, dad."

you were about to let go until your dad brought you into a tight hug, leaving a kiss on top of your head.

"i know... it's just, we'll miss our star girl, you know?" he patted your back. "it'll be hard for this old man without his little girl around all the time."

you stared amusedly. "even though i always cause trouble when you're not looking?"

your dad let out a hearty laugh and ruffled your hair, much to your chagrin. you took this moment in, absorbing as much of it as you can so you could remember every detail. there were more wrinkles in his skin, and there were visible bags under his eyes. even though he's aged physically, you could tell in his laugh that he was still the same old dad that you've adored since you were little. (he was always the more spoiling parent between him and your mom.)

he stepped back, allowing your mother to rush in for a passionate embrace. you slowly felt your sweater getting damp as your mom sniffled into your shoulder.

"be sure to call when you land, okay? and eat on the flight, it's a long way there. also, the plane is cold so use that blanket i put in your backpack, and-"

you gave your mom a squeeze and briefly pulled away.

"i got it, mom. you told me all of this last night, remember? i even checked everything you said off before we left this morning so i wouldn't forget, so don't worry about me."

she managed a small smile and brought you back into the hug.

"let us know when you've arrived at hyein and her parent's house. and tell them we said hi and to take care of you."

you gleamed. "of course."

after making sure you had everything you needed, you gestured to your parents for a big group hug.

"i love you guys."

"ditto." your mom slapped your dad's shoulder, and you all laughed.

once you made it to the security checkpoint, you waved your parents one final goodbye, before the start of a long journey ahead.

"excuse me," you mumbled, narrowly avoiding bumping into others in the bustling crowd of the airport. there was a lot of people going back home after vacation, or going back to school or work after visiting home.

heaving a sigh of relief after making through the crowd, you took a moment to look around the area, a plethora of shops and restaurants standing before you. in doing so, you failed to realize you were still in public with thousands of people walking around you, and bumping shoulders with a girl.

"ah!" "ow!"

you widened your eyes as you turned to look at the person you just walked into, swiftly picking her bag up from the ground and handing it to her.

"oh my god, i'm so sorry. i wasn't paying attention," you said, bowing out of habit. the girl giggled. 'oh my god. she has the cutest laugh ever,' you thought to yourself, before looking up to see her face. 'oh my god. she's the cutest girl i've ever seen.'

"it's okay. at least we didn't fall over, right? are you hurt?"

snapping out of your daze (you were staring, and she definitely noticed, you think), you shook your head.

"no, i- i'm okay. are you?"

"mhm, i'm fine! don't worry about me."

you tried to muster out any words relating to asking the girl out, but when you opened your mouth she was already waving to you and turning around.

you cursed to yourself, frowning. "damn it, y/n. you can do all sorts of stupid stuff but you still can't even talk to a girl?"

for as long as you could remember, you've always been unlucky with the girls you talked to. for example, the girl you met at a music festival, who you went on a few dates with. she stopped talking to you after hearing about all the risky things you've done. or the girl who you were paired up with in your advanced painting class, who you almost dated. she cut things off with you because you were too much of a "genius" in art. you still thought that was an asshole move, because what does that even mean?

shaking your head, you forced yourself to stop thinking about your love life in ruins and instead started strolling around the spacious corridors of the airport. you made a mental note to buy something for hyein upon seeing the variety of gift shops lined up next to each other.

you sipped on your steaming cup of coffee, mindlessly scrolling on your phone to pass the time. your croissant laid half-eaten on the plate. the chatters of the people around you became white noise as you fell into the cycle of liking a post and scrolling down to the next one. if you zoned out enough, you could make out some of the conversations around you. you sighed.

'i miss mom and dad already...'

a bag being placed on the table interrupted your inner monologue before it could even start. startled, you looked up to see a girl. 'oh, a very pretty girl. wait, isn't this the girl from earlier?' you blink. 'shit! it's the girl from earlier!'

"excuse me, but could i take this seat?" she glanced around, then met your eyes. "there's, well. not exactly anywhere else to sit, ahaha..."

opening and closing your mouth, you wordlessly moved some of your things so she could set her cup down. she smiled at you, eyes crinkling up into slight crescents, and you think you've met the love of your life, judging by the way your heart thudded in your chest after seeing the human embodiment of an angel.

she took a sip of her drink. "thanks."

the atmosphere became suffocatingly awkward, and you nervously tried to redirect your gaze to anything but the pretty girl sitting in front of you. your attempts failed, unfortunately, because apparently trying not to look at someone is a lost cause, and your mind automatically filled with the brief memory of the stranger's laugh, smile, and face. giving up, you let your eyes find their way back to her face, surprised to see that she was already looking at you. you coughed.

"so," you started, "whEre-" 'what the hell. leave it up to me to have a voice crack while starting a conversation.' she giggled, and you bit your lip trying not to scream.

fiddling with the hem of your shirt, you cleared your throat and started again. "ahem. i um, meant to say... where, where are you headed to?"

she hummed, taking another sip of her drink. "korea. i'm... hoping to make music there. where are you going?"

you nodded. "music, huh... that sounds really cool," a look of realization dawned on your face, and your eyes widened. "wait, did you say korea?"

a questioning look appears on the girl's face, and she nodded. "yeah, korea. why?"

"i'm going to korea too! i got accepted to SNU's college of fine arts. i paint and stuff."

her mouth formed an "o" shape and she gave you an impressed look.

"that's impressive! it must've been stressful for you."

you grinned, taking a small bite of your almost-forgotten croissant. "it was. i almost lost hope, refreshing my email page over and over at night," you said, shaking your head. "by the way, what's your name?"

the girl looked startled, clearly not expecting the sudden question. the flash of surprise only lasted briefly, however, and she hastily cleared her throat to reply.

"hanni," she smiles, "hanni pham. what's yours?"

"y/n. lee y/n."

"well, y/n... it was really nice meeting you. maybe i'll see you in korea. you could design one of my album covers, haha."

you gulped, trying to ignore the burning heat rushing to your cheeks at the way your name rolled off her tongue. "oh! yeah. it was great talking with you, hanni. and if we do meet again... i'll do my best with the design."

she took her finished cup of whatever she ordered, and her bag, and waved to you with that angelic smile of hers as she walked away with her suitcase.

"nævis, calling-" as if right on cue, your phone's ringtone went off, the beat drop of aespa's next level playing at an extremely loud and embarrassing volume. you sheepishly mouthed sorry to the people around you, who were staring because of the noise, and picked up the call.

you cleared your throat, lowering your voice. "hello?"

the excited voice of hyein rang out into your ear, "unnie! y/n unnie!"

you winced and moved the phone speaker slightly further away from your ear.

"hi, hyein. what's up?"

you heard some shuffling around, and what seemed to be like your aunt's voice scolding hyein for yelling.

"hello y/n, sorry about hyein, she's really excited to have you here soon."

you subconsciously smiled at the thought of your little cousin counting down the days until your arrival. "don't worry about it, auntie. did you need something?"

there was some whining from hyein in the background, and your aunt sternly called her name, effectively shutting her up. "nothing, nothing. just wanted to check in with you. you're at the airport now, yes?"

you nodded, even though she couldn't see you. "yeah, i am. i got some coffee at a cafe and i'm about to head to the gate. by the way, did you guys want anything for the last time in a while? the chocolates at the gift shops are always good, i know you and uncle like them."

there's a thud, and you blinked at the silence that followed. you waited, checking your phone to see if the call was still connected, and raising an eyebrow when hyein's voice finally crackled out into the microphone.

"haah... haaaah... finally..."

"hyein?"

"i want a kangaroo keychain! the cute plush ones!" you once again pulled the phone speaker away from your ear when she yelled again.

'aren't those really expensive?' you thought, slightly grimacing at the thought of your soon-to-be empty wallet. 'oh well.'

you laughed as you pressed the phone to your ear to speak again. "okay, okay. anything else?"

"get two. i wanna match with you, unnie!" by now your wallet was really crying. 'the things i do for you, hyein.'

"alright... well, i have to get to the gate now. i'll see you later? say bye to auntie for me," you told hyein, finishing your pastry and cleaning up your table before getting up from your seat.

"okay! bye unnie!" and the call dropped. you sighed, shaking your head while smiling, and started making your way towards your gate.

(you held the small keychains in your hand. they were the size of your palm, and you turned it around to check the price tag.

"holy shit, 15 dollars for this tiny thing?!"

"it's for hyein, she wants to match. it's for hyein, it's for hyein, it's for hyein...")

"hanni?"

"y/n?"

well, that was sooner than you thought. as soon as you made it to the seating area, you spotted a familiar face: the pretty girl named hanni that you bumped into earlier. before, you couldn't start a conversation with her without stuttering and stammering, but the feeling of your lighter wallet must've left you more easygoing after mourning your diminished funds on the way to the gate. (you were at least glad you could make hyein happy.)

she gestured to the seat next to her, her bag occupying it moments prior. grateful, you thanked her, and moved to sit, setting your suitcase in front of you. just as you started to relax, hanni gently tapped your shoulder, nearly making you jump.

"fancy seeing you here?" she said, her grin accompanied by a lighthearted tone.

you breathed a sigh of relief. her lopsided smile sent waves of comfort through you, allowing you to ease into the moment.

"yeah, what are the chances? we're on the same flight," you remarked, a small grin settling on your face as well—hanni's smile was very contagious when you weren't distracted by her beauty, you noted.

hanni nodded, grin widening. "seems like the universe has its plans. maybe it's fate?" she quipped.

"haha, maybe."

a moment of silence passed, and you both burst into a fit of giggles.

you never believed in fate, despite your friends talking your ear off about it. whenever they asked for your input, you brushed it off as a silly superstition. comes with messing around doing stunts all the time, you supposed. after all, you were unpredictable, and so was the world. the thought of your future being predetermined made you shudder.

wanting to continue the conversation, you racked your brain for anything she told you earlier. what was it she was doing... ah, music!

you cleared your throat, bringing hanni out of a daze. she turned her attention to you, eyebrows raised.

"you're doing music, right?" she nodded, "yeah, i've already signed with a company and all."

"really? which company?"

she hummed thoughtfully, and pursed her lips. "sorry, i'm not allowed to tell."

"ah, that's okay," you said, scratching your neck. "do you play an instrument? or do you sing?"

"i do both, actually!" she said with a smile, her voice warming. "but i'm focusing on singing. what about you? you do art, right?"

you perked up at the mention of art. "yes, i do, i love painting," you said, eyes brightening.

"actually, there was this time where i tried to smash my head through the canvas for a project- hey, don't laugh, let me finish! i tried to make it so that the end product would be my face, with action lines outside the rip marks, but the canvas broke in half, and i ended up with a ton of scratches on my face..."

the two of you continued to chatter away, the conversation flowing effortlessly between you. your surroundings became a blur as you lost yourselves in the moment, unaware of anything happening outside of your bubble of conversation.

you suddenly remembered that you were waiting for a flight, and frowned. "hey, don't you think it's been a while since they've said anything? it's close to boarding ti-"

the calm voice of a flight attendant interrupted your question.

"attention all passengers going from melbourne to incheon: there's been some technical difficulties, and we are disappointed to inform you that your flight will be delayed. departure time will be pushed back by approximately one hour. thank you."

as murmurs spread through the gate and disappointed voices filled the air, you felt a sense of frustration wash over you. fishing your phone out of your pocket, you quickly sent a text to your aunt about the delay, your irritation evident in your furrowed brow.

hanni puffed out her cheeks in frustration. "ugh, unlucky."

you nodded in agreement, a sigh escaping your lips. "yeah, it's frustrating. now we're gonna be there even later in the night," you replied, your gaze shifting from your phone to meet hanni's disappointed eyes.

"i guess there's nothing we can do about it now."

"yeah, i guess so."

hanni always thought she led an honest life, steering out of trouble and focusing on her passion for music. she made sure to feed the dogs, keep up with her studies, help her mom cook, and get along with her younger sister. she had a lot of friends, and she was in a dance cover group with some of them too. she played the ukulele, guitar, and piano, and she sang as well.

then she auditioned for hybe, and passed. her family was proud of her, and she left to korea for training shortly after. she missed home a lot. like waking up to milly and mia's excited barks for breakfast, or bickering with her sister in the car on the way home from shopping, or having family bonding time during dinner.

love was the last thing on her mind when she started training. sure, she's had some crushes here and there, but she's never pursued any of them. that was all there was to it; just a silly crush. when she became a trainee, any thoughts of crushes in hanni's mind were pushed aside for dancing and singing lessons, as well as korean classes.

but after your fateful encounter (or, well, encounters) at the airport, hanni thought she could forget about coming back to training for at least one day.

from the moment she saw you, hanni pham was dazzled. when you bumped into her, you immediately apologized, and even picked up her bag for her. when you finally looked at her, and she could see your face, hanni almost screamed. you were so, so, beautiful. and she had to make her leave before she actually screamed.

then hanni saw you again at a random airport cafe, and everything clicked. lady luck must've finally looked on her side this time, because there were clearly open tables all around you, but you still let her sit with you. with that, she let the conversation flow between the two of you.

by the end of your second encounter, hanni must've thought her luck ran out by now and left with an open offer, knowing you would never see her again after she left.

and then you finally reunited at the gate. well, if hanni thought her luck ran out at the cafe, then it had definitely run out now. there was absolutely no way she could get any luckier than being on the same flight as you.

was it bad she's started to develop a crush on you?

there was a thump next to her, and hanni felt an added weight fall on her shoulder. she turned to see if you dropped something, but it seemed that your head dropped on her shoulder, having fallen asleep. your head. on her shoulder. you fell asleep on her shoulder.

hanni's face was bright red at the realization. you fell asleep! on her shoulder! her body immediately tensed, instinctively trying to get you off, but gave up after you only shifted closer to her. and well, she didn't want to interrupt your sleep, since you seemed exhausted just moments ago.

she couldn't help but think your sleeping face was beautiful too.

"attention all passengers going from melbourne to incheon: apologies for the wait. boarding will begin in 15 minutes. thank you."

the announcement jolted you awake, and you sleepily rubbed your eyes and lifted your head from where you were leaning it on, stretching your neck to hear a few satisfying cracks.

"did you sleep well? you just suddenly passed out; i was worried," a soft voice asked.

you tried to blink out more of the sleep out of your eyes and focus on the voice next to you, finally seeing hanni's concerned expression.

clearing your throat, which was hoarse from your nap, you offered her a sheepish smile. "yeah, i slept well. i was so anxious last night that i went to sleep really late, that's probably why. sorry about that."

hanni nodded. "no worries! going away from home is scary, i agree."

you tried to reach for your phone, only to look down and see hanni's jacket draped over you. 'huh?' you thought. 'wait, come to think of it, what was i sleeping on?'

you shot a glance over to hanni, who tilted her head. you squinted your eyes, trying to connect the dots. then, it hit you like a pile of bricks: you fell asleep on hanni's shoulder. your cheeks dusted pink in embarrassment, and you cringed at even the thought of it.

'god, that's embarrassing!' you thought, feeling a sense of mortification burning in your chest. 'she even used her jacket as a blanket for me, and she asked if i was okay when i woke up...'

"oh my god, i'm so sorry!" you blurted out, the words tumbling out of you in a rush. "i really didn't mean to fall asleep on you, i mean i didn't even realize i was falling asleep, but-"

hanni giggled, the pleasant sound resounding through your ears.

"it's okay, y/n. i don't mind."

'ah... it's almost like an angel got sent down from earth.'

despite you intruding on her personal space, hanni was still so kind and considerate to you, even though you only met each other a couple hours ago. a heavy blush overtook your face.

"here's your jacket back, at least," you offered, a mixture of gratitude and embarrassment showing in your tone.

she shook her head, waving her hands. "oh no, you can keep it on. you must be cold in only that sweater."

you opened your mouth to protest, but ended up just smiling.

was it too soon to say you liked her?

the flight attendant walked up and down the aisle, checking for everyone's seatbelts. you and hanni sat comfortably towards the front of the plane, flashing friendly smiles at each other.

you and hanni sitting next to each other? what? wait, let's rewind. how did you find yourself sitting next to hanni, the girl of your dreams who you were talking to at the gate, and at the cafe, and outside of the security checkpoint?

well, the two of you were in the same boarding group. and taking a look at your tickets, you were actually seated right next to each other.

funny how fate plays out, huh.

it seemed like hanni was thinking the same thing, because she started giggling, nudging your shoulder.

"it's funny how fate plays out, huh?"

"absolutely," you replied with a grin, matching hanni's playful tone. "seems like fate has quite the sense of humor, doesn't it?"

hanni giggled again, her laughter echoing softly in the aisle.

"definitely," she agreed, a hint of amusement sparkling in her eyes. "who knew our paths would cross like this? and especially so many times in a day?"

as the flight attendants made their final rounds, you relaxed in your seat and turned to observe hanni, who was looking out the window. her gaze wandered, from the people on the ground crew to other planes preparing for takeoff. you noticed her shiver, and quickly took her jacket off from your shoulders and draped it over both of your laps.

surprised, she looked over to you with raised eyebrows, then smiling at you, mouthing a 'thanks'. she turned her attention back to the window.

you directed your gaze to your lap, leaning back in your seat. your seatbelt kept you from slouching back. you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, and you unlocked it to see a text from hyein.

from: mom's favorite child (🐣) UNNIE!!!!!! 😚😚 what do u want for dinner moms asking also did u get the keychains 😈

you laughed to yourself, typing in your response. you purposely waited between each message sent, to tease her; hyein always hated when you did that.

to: mom's favorite child (🐣) hi hyein 🤓 i want kimchi jjigae!! also [attachment: 1 image] yes i did

you almost drooled at the thought of your aunt's kimchi-jjigae. the first time you had it, you were hooked. no matter how many times your mom tried to recreate her sister's cooking, it never hit the same as when you'd stay at hyein's house for the holidays and wake up to the smell of your favorite dish in the morning.

from: mom's favorite child (🐣) got it o7 (replied to [attachment: 1 image]) ↪ AHH THEYRE SO CUTE OMGOMG (replied to "hi hyein 🤓") ↪ who are you calling a nerd.

giggling to yourself, you decided to leave hyein on read, swiping out of her contact after reacting to her text confirming your request with a heart.

the jets of the plane fired up, starting to taxi down the runway, and you pocketed your phone and joined hanni in looking out the window.

"have you flown here before?" she asked, keeping her gaze outside.

you hummed, thinking back to your very eventful past visits to your aunt's place for vacation.

"yeah. i have family here, that's where i'm staying for college." you said. "i've gone over a bunch of times for the holidays."

the girl next to you stayed quiet, still staring outside. the plane started to tilt up, and you could see hanni bite her lip. as the aircraft gained elevation, going higher and higher, her eyes grew shut and her face scrunched up.

then her hand flew to yours, clasping yours with an almost crushing grip, eliciting a slight wince from you.

"hanni...?"

her eyes remained tightly shut as she stuttered out a response. "so-sorry! i'm a bit... afraid. of- of planes."

you felt the plane make a sharp tilt to the right, and the left, and hanni's grip only intensified.

"no matter how many times, i- i fly... it doesn't seem to get any better... i'm sorry," she mumbled. if you weren't craning your head to listen, you wouldn't have caught half of what she was saying, considering she was trying to focus on containing her fear.

her hold on you loosened, almost as if she was ashamed, but you only responded by firmly squeezing her hand back. if she's scared, then you should comfort her, right? it's only the right thing to do.

the action caused her to whip her head towards you, her gaze darting between your hand tightly grasping hers and your face. this went on for a few seconds, your concern for the girl growing as the moment stretched on. you watched her closely, noticing the furrow in her brow and the tension in her soft features.

when she finally stopped at your face, you offered her a comforting smile. she blinked a few times, widening her eyes, and reciprocating the gesture.

the plane started to stabilize in the air, letting hanni's anxiety simmer down while you rubbed soothing circles into her palm. it seemed to help, since her shoulders visibly relaxed as she took deep breaths, flashing a grateful smile to you. despite the plane now flying steadily, you never let go of her hand, continuing to offer a sense of solace in case the girl's anxiety spiked.

after around 10 minutes (you didn't really know, your watch was in your bag and you still hadn't let go of hanni's hand) a flight attendant started making her first round down the aisle for drinks and biscuits. as she reached your row, her cheeks raised up in a cooing smile, her gaze clearly lingering on you and hanni's now-intertwined hands.

"aren't you two just the cutest couple," she remarked, her smile widening.

hanni's cheeks flushed, and she quickly shook her head, stammering, "oh, no, i'm, we're not-"

before she could deny the attendant's assumptions, though, you swiftly interjected, flashing a grateful smile to the attendant. "thank you. we'll have a cup of water," you glanced at hanni, thinking for a moment, "and some hot tea."

the attendant gladly poured your refreshments, sending you a "hwaiting!" gesture before moving on to the next row.

"i'm so sorry," you turned to hanni, releasing her hand. a wave of disappointment hit you at the loss of hanni's warmth. she seemed to share the feeling, although you didn't notice.

"it's fine. it would've been embarrassing for all three of us, anyway."

"yeah..."

the two of you turned away from each other, blushes overtaking your features.

'the thought of dating her doesn't seem so bad.'

it had been about an hour and a half since takeoff. you texted some of your friends, who checked in on you frequently, asking things like 'are you dead' or 'did the plane crash yet', to which you replied 'not yet sadly' or something similar. you were doodling random cats in your notes app in between texts.

to your left, hanni had pulled out a book, seeming invested in the pages filled with words of plot. she was almost at the end, you noticed—there were only a few pages left.

a few more minutes passed, and the girl closed the book with a content sigh. after tucking the book safely into her carry-on bag, she peeked around her, her eyes landing on you, scanning your features.

"hey, how'd you get this scar on your cheek?"

you felt a poke on your upper cheekbone, hanni's finger pressing lightly on the tender patch of skin. you brought your hand up to your face to touch the already fading scar, and tried to remember which incident it was from.

"i think it's from when i jumped out one of the school windows," you answered, turning to look at hanni.

"oh," she replied, then raised her eyebrow. "wait, what? you jumped out the window?"

you scratched your neck, feeling embarrassed. 'she's definitely gonna be scared away after i tell her,' you thought ruefully. glancing over to hanni, you quickly realized you weren't going to get away with not telling her the backstory of the scar.

you sighed. "it's not that interesting, i mean..."

the girl beside you watched with expectant eyes, eagerly awaiting your next words. you pondered, wondering if you should really tell her.

"i set off some firecrackers on the school roof, and they found out it was me not even five minutes later," you explained, "i sped down the stairs and hid in some cleaning closet. but they somehow knew i was in there, so i had to jump out the window and run home before they caught me."

a few beats of silence followed, your self consciousness catching up to you as the tip of your ears flushed bright red. when you sneaked a glance to your left, you saw hanni's mouth agape.

"wow," she blinked. "that's insane."

"i know."

you rubbed your elbow, fidgeting with the fabric of your sleeve. 'she's definitely weirded out. see, y/n, this is why girls never-'

"but you're okay, right?"

'huh?' you thought to yourself, then facing hanni. she had a worried smile on her face, head tilted to the side. your cheeks burned. you couldn't win against pretty girls.

"oh. yeah, i am. i just landed in a bush, and a branch scratched me."

she nodded, scanning your features. aside from the one on your cheek, there were a few other minor scars on your face, from similar events, although those were more hidden. there were a lot of them around your body too, from burn marks to scratches and cuts.

"what's this one from, then?" she pointed under your ear, where a small scar from a healed cut laid.

"this one? it's kind of recent. i was trying to make an outline of myself with throwing darts, but my friend had terrible aim. it grazed my neck."

hanni winced, cringing as she imagined how that felt for you. "yikes."

she thought for a moment, a memory resurfacing at the mention of darts.

"that reminds me, there was a time me and my friends were playing darts, but we all kept missing the board," she smiled, reminiscing on the past moment. "we hit everything in the house but the dartboard."

you smiled as well, finding humor in the similarities between you and hanni's experiences. well, except for the fact that your friend was supposed to miss you, the target.

"what did your parents say?" you asked, genuinely curious. your parents usually restricted your actions, like not letting you go out after school or supervising your purchases, but ultimately let you off the hook in the end. you thanked them for that mentally, albeit feeling a tad guilty for being spoiled.

she tapped her chin. "they just scolded us and told us not to do it again. and we had to clean up our mess—there were a bunch of darts on the ground, and things that fell because of the darts."

you laughed, finding her memory relatable. there were countless times you were made to clean up your messes, although you didn't exactly learn from your "mistakes." (you considered them "happy accidents," as bob ross said. alas, your peers, relatives, and teachers alike, disagreed.)

"how did your parents react to your injuries?" hanni questioned, her expression softening.

"well..."

you and hanni started getting to know each other better, warm and lively conversation filling the air. you learned that she was raised in melbourne, and that both of her parents were vietnamese. she had two dogs and a younger sister, and she played a variety of instruments.

you told her about some other incidents, to which she was amused by, and touched lightly on the awards you've received for your paintings.

topics shifted constantly, the two of you seeming not to run out of things to talk about. with debates on something as trivial as which juice flavor was better, more memories from your childhood came flooding back, the two of you sharing your experiences and bonding over them.

'this is nice,' you thought, a glimmer of hope rising. 'maybe, things will go well this time.'

from: 🆕👖 (soon) meanjee 🐻 hanni are you on the plane? kitty kang 😾 did you bring the tim tams dani ☀ omg did you get tim tams for us 🥺🥺 you yes dw i also made a friend meanjee 🐻 who dont lie 🤣😂 you excuse me her names y/n shes an artist guys shes so cute 😭 we kept bumping into each other and guess what kitty kang 😾 you tripped over yourself? dani ☀ you asked her out!? you (replied to kitty kang 😾: you tripped...) ↪ do you want the tim tams or not kitty kang. (replied to dani ☀: you asked her...) ↪ NO we just met but i was TRYING to say that we bumped into each other accidentally like 3 times and we're on the same flight and sit next to each other dani ☀ it's destiny!! meanjee 🐻 i never thought i'd see the day hanni having luck in girls 💀 you WOW im js gna ignore that. remember my fear of flying? she held my hand the whole time bc she saw i was scared :(( shes js so AUGH :] i think she likes me too kitty kang 😾 she has more game than you im glad she could comfort you though dani ☀ AWW that's so cute you two are so cute i wanna meet her! you maybe if things go well with her hyeinie THE BEST MAKN😎E hiii whats going on (replied to you: excuse me her names...) ↪ wait did u say y/n?? you yeah why? hyeinie THE BEST MAKN😎E um actually its nothing i have to help mom with cooking bye unnies!! you ???

hanni stared at your hand, which was holding out an earbud, in confusion. she tilted her head.

"ah, sorry. do you want to listen to something with me? you can choose the song," you smiled, showing your phone screen which displayed the spotify search menu. (you made sure that it stayed on the search bar and not showing one of your many embarrassing playlist names.)

her eyebrows raised, a flicker of curiosity in her eyes as she processed your words. you swallowed nervously, about to retract your hand until she took the earbud from your hold, her hands brushing against yours briefly.

"sure," she agreed, then reaching for the device from your other, outstretched palm. "do you like daniel caesar?"

your bangs fell over your face as you nodded eagerly, blocking your vision. you moved to tuck your hair behind your ear, though hanni beat you to it, her cold hands contrasting with your now-burning-red ears.

hanni cleared her throat with a quiet cough, breaking into a smile shortly after. the two of you listened to the melody of the song that was being played into your shared earbuds, hanni occasionally humming along.

"and i'd love to make you mine," she softly sang, her gentle voice filling your ears. she sounded like cotton candy, so sweet, like honey drizzled over warm toast on a sunny afternoon. each word that she sang sent you into bliss, arrows of cupid piercing your heart. 'maybe,' you thought, 'just maybe. i'll ask her out on a date by the end of this flight.'

the last few seconds of the song faded out and started playing whatever was recommended by your spotify (which was a wave to earth song) but you couldn't pay attention as you found yourself replaying hanni's singing in your head.

noticing your furrowed eyebrows and your dazed look, hanni nudged your shoulder. "sorry, was i too loud? i tend to sing along sometimes; it's always been a habit of mine."

you widened your eyes, shaking your head no. "no, you're fine! i think your singing is quite nice, actually. you have," you blushed, "a very pretty voice."

her cheeks lifted into a closed smile, sending a flutter through your chest. you took a few deep breaths, trying to calm your thumping heart. at least you didn't panic at everything she did, unlike the past 10? 20? times she did so much as smile.

"thank you," she giggled, leaning her head on yours. deep breaths were not going to help in your situation, since it seemed to get even worse for your heart every time. instead, you focused on the song playing in your ear, and the rise and fall of hanni's chest. it wasn't too long after the next song started when you started hearing small snores next to you.

'ah,' you thought. 'she must've been tired.'

moving her head to sit more comfortably on your shoulder, you brushed her bangs out of her face, unconsciously smiling at how peaceful she looked asleep. you adjusted the jacket that was laid over both of your laps to cover more of her legs instead of yours, slightly shivering as you instantly felt the cold from the cabin aircon replacing the warmth from hanni’s fleece jacket.

‘oh, well.’

you rested your head on top of hers, sarah kang’s once in a moon quietly playing into your shared earbuds, and you let yourself slowly drift off to join hanni in dreamland.

"mmph..."

you groaned as you rubbed your eyes sleepily. your neck was stiff, your shoulder was sore, and you had 12 different cramps in your legs from your uncomfortable position in the airplane seat.

hanni shifted on your shoulder, and you panicked, thinking you might've woken her up from your stretching. thankfully, her soft snores continued after a few moments.

you sighed in relief. you would've felt insanely guilty if you ended up waking her.

stretching your shoulders back, (though still careful not to wake the sleeping girl leaning on you) you reached into your backpack under the seat in front of you, and pulled out your sketchbook.

the thing itself was around a year old. over that year, you'd nearly filled it to the brim with dozens of drawings, including ones you drew on buses, trains, at parks, in history class, on your bed, everywhere. similarly, you kept a sketchbook for each year prior to the one currently in your hand. it was almost time to retire this one; you only had about 3 pages left.

taking a small pen out from your wallet, you pressed the fine tip to the smooth beige paper, soon letting your arm move freely across the page, sketching things you could see around you—the overhead aircon, someone's paper cup of water from the recent beverage round sitting on their tray table, and...

you looked to hanni, then back to your sketchbook. you'd subconsciously started drawing hanni while looking around your surroundings (or, lack thereof). although it was quite difficult to get a decent look of her features as a whole, you managed to sketch out the way her bangs framed her face, the curve of her eyelashes, and her mouth slightly ajar.

the people around you must've thought you were crazy watching you try to lean forward to look at hanni, while also trying to keep your movements minimal as to not wake her. but that was okay. people back home already saw you as crazy when you did anything, especially after the wheelie incident, which you didn't want to think about.

after finishing the initial sketch, your hand appeared to have a mind of its own, because it moved to the next page over and started doodling more of hanni. you squinted your eyes, trying to remember what she looked like when she bumped into you, when she sat across from you at the cafe, and when she was sipping from the cup of tea you called for her a few hours ago.

the page was filled with hanni's face in the blink of an eye. you didn't know how it happened, but it would be really embarrassing if said girl woke up and saw this right now.

"mmm..."

...why didn't anything go your way?

you flipped back to the page full of doodles of the cabin before she could see anything, covering the page with your sleeve. you tensed your shoulders in nervousness, quietly clearing your throat.

"sleep well, hanni?"

hanni's lips upturned into a sleepy smile (you screamed a little mentally at her cuteness) and she nodded, giving you a thumbs up.

"thanks for letting me use you as a pillow," she said, rubbing your numb shoulder.

you laughed to yourself, mostly because you couldn't feel your shoulder as hanni touched it. "it's no problem. i wasn't going to let you have neck cramps from leaning on the wall."

she nodded again, stretching out her muscles and letting out a big yawn. her eyes shifted back towards you and down at your lap, where you placed your sketchbook.

"what's that?"

a bead of cold sweat rolled down your forehead, and you gulped. what if she was creeped out at your drawings of her? then, your mind wandered to the moments you shared just earlier, and you thought, 'there's no way hanni would act like that.'

you shyly uncovered the page, passing the book to the girl, watching intently as she pored over the details that you'd meticulously drawn. her mouth gaped in astonishment, in awe of your ability to capture the scene around you.

she turned her head towards you, eyes sparkling. "this is amazing, y/n!"

you bashfully scratched your neck, giving her a sheepish smile.

"it's nothing, really," you tried to say, but her attention was already on the next page.

"this is... me?"

crap.

"um, yeah. it is. there's not much to see from our seats, so i ended up drawing mostly you," you tried to defend, hoping she wouldn't take your actions badly. "you're also, very," you cleared your throat, blushing, "pretty. very... pretty, yeah."

she grinned, cheeks dusted pink, and trailed her hand down the page, tracing over the soft features—her features—that you'd effortlessly drawn as she slept.

"can i keep it?" she asked, looking into your eyes for approval.

shrinking back from the unexpected eye contact, you gulped and nodded. you were thinking about giving it to her anyway.

"yes. i'd love to give it to you, as something to remember me by, haha."

after you finished your sentence, you gently grabbed the sketchbook from hanni's already offering hands, and left your signature on it. the ripping sound of the book hummed as you removed the page from the confines of the spiral spine, handing it to your seatmate.

her grin grew wider as she accepted the paper. "thank you so much, seriously. this is so cool!"

"it's no problem," you laughed, tipping your invisible hat to her.

the flight intercom beeped.

"hello, this is your pilot speaking. we have arrived in incheon, local time is 10:42 pm. please make sure your seatbelt is secured and your seat trays and window blinds are up, and also unplug any devices you may have. enjoy your stay in korea and have a good night."

hanni, who just tucked your drawing into her bag, looked over to you with surprised eyes. "it's the end already? i swear we've just been here for like, 3 hours."

you were shocked too, your eyebrows raised. "i know, right? but i guess we did spend a lot of it sleeping."

"yeah, you're right," she giggled.

you took a deep breath, not knowing what to say. "it was, um... really nice getting to know you. i know it was weird seeing each other so much in a day by chance," you said, "and uh, if you'd like, we could, um, go out on a date sometime?"

a scarlet blush overtook your face, and you think the people behind and in front of you must've heard you say that because you heard a gasp or two from your surroundings.

hanni's face was terribly red as well, and it made you feel a little better knowing you weren't having one-sided feelings.

"o-okay. deal."

the rest of the time spent after that was a blur to you, and it took you until you sat down on hyein's living room couch that you forgot to give hanni your number.

holy shit, y/n. you asked a girl out on a date. and after spending basically the whole day together, you forgot to exchange contact info with her? this was on a whole new level of sick and twisted, even for you.

"we're home!" a gruff voice called, followed by the sound of the heavy door closing, and the sound of excited footsteps followed, rushing in your direction.

a minute later, you got tackled by a very hyper hyein.

"unnie! unnie, you're here!"

her hold on you was incredibly tight. you don't think you could squeeze out even if you wanted to. nonetheless, you returned the embrace, patting her on the back and nuzzling your nose into her messy hair.

"hey, hyeinie. i missed you," you murmured, moving your hand up to card through her dark brown locks.

your younger cousin's eyes sparkled, and she broke out into a huge grin. you felt yourself being squeezed even tighter, before you coughed and wheezed out, "can't- breathe."

your uncle gently separated hyein from you, and you stood up so you could bow and give him a hug.

"welcome back, y/n!" he laughed, giving you a rough slap on the back which made you stumble a little.

your uncle was a warmhearted man, much like your father, even though they weren't blood-related. you didn't exactly know what he worked as, but he was always dressed to the nines whenever he went out, regardless of the occasion.

"i'm glad to be back. i'll be staying for a while, too," you added.

turning and smiling at hyein, you ruffled her hair, making her stand up and do it back to you. thankfully, you dodged in time. wait, did you shrink? or...

"hyein, you got taller again!" you exclaimed. last christmas, she was at about your height; a little above average, a solid 5'6. but looking at her now, she was probably around 5'7, almost as tall as her dad.

the younger girl blinked, staring wide-eyed at you. she slid her hand from the top of her head to the empty space above yours. being honest, the difference wasn't all that much, but your brow twitched at having to even slightly flicker your eyes up to make eye contact.

"did i?"

this was starting to irk you. you knew that hyein just realized this was something she could hold against you, and that was the last thing you wanted to happen.

defeatedly, you sighed.

"dinner is ready!" your aunt called from the kitchen. your eyes lit up as the scent of your favorite kimchi-jjigae wafted through the air. bless your aunt's soul.

you slowly turned to your cousin, a glint in your eye.

"last one there is a rotten egg."

and then, chaos.

"y/n, you haven't been here in a while. now that you're here to stay, would you like to do anything in korea?"

you adjusted the bandaid on your knee, and hissed as hyein pressed on the bruise just below it. of course, you hurt yourself while trying to race the younger lee to the dining room.

snapping your eyes to your aunt, who was setting the pot of stew in the middle of the dining table, you tried to think of something you've never had a chance to do. but you've been to korea countless times before, and you'd always gotten to do something new. it'd been around a year since you last came, since your relatives came to you for christmas 7 months ago.

"i guess... just walking around like a local? going to a café, walking around the city. and..." you bit your lip, struggling to remember the name of the theme park that was so famous.

"oh!" you snapped your fingers, "lotte world!"

hyein's hand twitched. one glance at her, and you could see that she was practically buzzing with excitement. she looked as if she was about to bounce off the walls like a pinball. you pinched her arm, causing her to yelp.

"lotte world! that sounds fun," your uncle commented, "i wish i could join. work's been busy lately."

your aunt laughed, "me too! but y/n," she shot you a stern look, "don't go causing trouble for people. i don't want to see you on the news for the wrong reasons."

'that's very encouraging and totally non-threatening!' you shivered. still, her words only tempted you. knowing you, it wouldn't be long into the school year before you were a known figure on campus.

portions of the stew were distributed to everyone's bowl, and you licked your lips. you didn't have anything on the plane, since you'd slept through most of it and missed the in-flight meal.

"thank you for the food," you said, before bringing a spoonful of the stew to your lips.

with that single bite, you think you've ascended to heaven and above. you wolfed down the rest of the food, eating like you hadn't eaten in a week (which you felt like you didn't) and before you knew it, you'd finished your dinner. seeing this, hyein also tried to finish her food quickly, but was stopped by your aunt.

taking a few swigs of water, you looked to your aunt, who watched you in bewilderment. "auntie, that was so good. seriously, that was soooo good. can i have seconds?"

everyone at the table broke out into a fit of laughter.

"of course, y/n."

as dinner went on, and you caught up with hyein and her parents, everyone had finished their serving, and you, your third serving. you tried to help your aunt with the dishes, but she just shooed you away to you and hyein's shared room.

despite already having been in the bedroom to drop off your luggage, you let your cousin lead you to it. it was very spacious, having enough room to hold a sizable tv that you could watch netflix on from the bed, and enough room to walk around comfortably. hyein's desk was messy, as always. it was filled with school papers, colored pencils and highlighters, and a book you got her the last time you visited.

speaking of the bed, it had been replaced by a very charming bunk bed, complete with fluffy white comforters and a surprisingly stable ladder. you already claimed the bottom bunk as yours, your phone laying on the plush pillow.

"tada!" hyein presented to you, doing jazz hands towards the bed. "i know you've already seen it, but try laying in it! it's pretty comfy for a bunk bed."

following her suggestion, you went ahead and sat yourself on the bed, immediately sighing in content. moving your phone so you could lay down, you swung your legs over the bedframe so you could soak in the comforting feeling of the bed. the mattress was fairly soft, perfect for your strange sleeping positions. you flashed an upraised thumb to hyein, who grinned triumphantly.

she puffed up her cheeks. "see?"

"i do see, hyeinie," you said, reaching for your backpack, "before i forget..."

the younger lee gasped at the sight of the matching kangeroo plush keychains, even though she'd already seen them over text. one was purple, her favorite color, and the other, blue. attached to their hands were small magnets, which would allow them to connect together.

she squealed, holding the purple one to her chest. "they're so cute! i love it, thank you y/n-unnie."

you were, once again, brought into a soul-crushing hug. 'at least hyein is happy.'

10 minutes later and you and hyein were now wrapped up in a fiery race of mario kart. you had successfully hooked up your switch to the tv just a bit ago, and of course you had to compete with her in your shared favorite game. it was a tradition for the two of you to play through at least two rounds of the grand prix mode, usually playing for the special cup for one of the rounds.

a hand covered your field of vision, and you batted it away, groaning at your little cousin. "stop, i was winning!"

she cheekily stuck out her tongue, swiftly overtaking you in the race. you cursed whoever picked the mushroom cup (you did) because the piranha plants in sweet sweet canyon were beating your ass, and your rank just kept dropping after hyein rudely interrupted your groove with her hand.

"ahhh..." you sighed as a bot passed you on the second lap. setting the cpu level at the maximum was a mistake. hastily, you collected the power up block, your eyes lighting up seeing the formidable blue shell on the dice roll. spotting the shortcut, you performed a sharp-angled drift that you were only able to do after years of perfecting the technique, and expertly boosted yourself to catch yourself up to 4th place.

it appeared that hyein was too focused on smoothly driving through the track, so she didn't notice your newly-acquired trump card. you smirked. 'she won't see it coming,' you mischievously thought.

it was now the third lap. you were saving the shell for right before the finish line, and you were currently in a solid 3rd place, with hyein in 1st and a bot in front of you.

the younger lee glanced at your side of the screen and widened her eyes. 'did she just now notice i had the blue shell?'

"unnie! you can't! i'm so close to winning!" she shouted. the finish line was nearly in sight. the bot slipped on a banana peel and your smile only widened as you watched the flailing animation while passing by. hyein tried kicking you to distract you, but it was no use. you had already thrown the power up that would help you win the race.

"checkmate," you smugly said as you patted hyein's back. the girl was watching the finish screen in despair, gripping her controller tightly in annoyance.

she slowly turned to you, a menacingly determined look on her face. "i'll win the next one. it's thwomp ruins, you suck at thwomp ruins."

damn it. she was right.

hyein ended up winning the next race, as she declared. you always had trouble avoiding the obstacles on the track, much to your dismay. with that win, she also won the cup, because she also won the first two races. you blamed it on the jetlag.

(when you awoke, you felt a heavy weight on your chest. you blinked, barely making out the image of hyein laying on you, softly snoring. you checked your phone. 5:12 am. well, whatever. it was too early to think about anything. gently combing your fingers through her hair, you fell back asleep.)

“y/n?”

the door to your shared bedroom creaked open, and you shoved the covers over your face. 

“y/n, it’s 11:30, wake up,” the voice called.

slowly, you peeked from under the comforter that was very much doing its job at keeping you comfortable, to see your aunt standing in the doorway with a ladle. reluctantly, you climbed out of bed.

"morning, auntie," you mumbled as you rubbed your eyes, making your way to the bedroom door.

she stepped aside to let you exit the room. "good morning, sleepyhead."

you spent a few minutes to brush your teeth and wash your face in the bathroom before coming out to the living room. the house was eerily quiet without the presence of your uncle and hyein.

...wait, where's hyein?

looking around suspiciously, you still found no trace of the younger girl in the house. she was gone when you woke up, too. where could she have gone? it was summer break, and hyein was barely entering high school.

coughing, you asked your aunt, "um, where's hyein gone?"

"oh, she's at the company. she has practice today, didn't she tell you?"

"what practice?"

"...dance practice? vocal lessons? she's debuting this month, remember?"

debut... dance... vocal... that rings a bell...

'wait, what the fuck? is hyein a kpop idol?'

your heart beat faster at the revelation. hyein? your cute little cousin who you swore had just graduated from elementary school two years ago? you knew she took dance lessons, and her other activities that came to a halt last year, but... debut? she was still a kid! and it sounded like this debut was serious, the real next step in her career.

your emotions were all jumbled up upon thinking more on the matter. why didn't she tell you?

"y/n? hey, how about you eat now," she placed a bowl in front of you, "and maybe later you can talk to hyein about it. don't worry until then."

"easier said than done," you replied, digging into the rice with your spoon. but she was right. you could talk to hyein later; you still had to unpack your bags.

breakfast tasted dry and bland, even though you were sure your aunt cooked it with perfection and love in mind. there were just too many thoughts in your mind.

putting your finished bowl in the sink and washing it, you shuffled back into you and hyein's room, intending to tidy up the space and also set your things down. this was where you'd be living for the next four or more years, after all.

this bedroom brought back memories. what used to be a guest room that five-year-old you would sleep in during the holidays, was now turned into your dear little cousin's haven of comfort. from the moment she was born, you've adored her—it was like having a little sibling, since you were an only child. the guest room was more lively, more full of energy with hyein there.

as she grew up, there were times where she, of course, kicked you out of the room, because it was 'too embarrassing' to have her older cousin sleep in the same room with her. although you always woke up in the middle of that night to see a hyein-shaped lump on top of you. it was endearing, really, to see, to know that the girl loved you as much as you did her.

you traced your finger along the edges of the old closet in the corner of the room. there was a barely noticeable dent on the side, from when you were playing a game of operation and accidentally threw the tweezers too hard in a fit of rage.

a piece of duct tape you'd painted white that was stuck onto it for a good week, because that was the best that a 14-year-old and a 9-year-old could think of. your mom and auntie still got mad, though.

you got to cleaning and unpacking, patiently waiting for time to pass so hyein could come home and you could talk.

dinner came and went, and you were now sitting on the bed, waiting for your cousin who was washing up in the bathroom.

"hey unnie... why are you just sitting there?"

you wordlessly patted the space next to you, your silence being an indicator that what you wanted to talk about was serious.

"why didn't you tell me you were a trainee?"

"..."

"hyein?"

she stared at her lap, guilty. "i..." she choked out, "every time you came, i was just having so much fun. and i didn't know when to tell you because i thought you would make fun of me, or something. i don't know."

hyein sniffled, and looked at you with tears streaming down her cheeks. you sighed and wiped them away with your thumb. she continued.

"and this training, i know you think it's a lot for me and it is, but my members, they make it so much fun. and i'm so close to achieving my dreams, y/n-unnie! july 22nd. that's in 20 days, i'm gonna be a real idol. topping the charts, i just, urgh-"

you brought her into a hug, rubbing her back as she sobbed into your shoulder.

"...i support you. i'm not judging you, i was just worried about you," you planted a kiss on her forehead.

"you're my baby cousin, of course i wanna protect you from the nasty entertainment industry. but... if this is what you want to do, then i'll cheer you on from debut to retirement."

she sniffled. "that's in like, a gazillion years, you're gonna be dead by then."

"shush," you pulled her back into your embrace, "let's just go to sleep."

at 6 am, you woke up with hyein sleeping soundly on your chest, again. this time, you carefully slid out of bed, brushing your teeth in the bathroom, and then sauntering over to the kitchen where your aunt was already awake and cooking breakfast.

"up so early?"

you groaned. mornings were never for you, especially since you always stayed up to paint during your spurts of inspiration.

"i talked to hyein." a pause. your aunt took a minute to wash her hands, and turned around to face you.

"and?"

"i told her i support her. and we fell asleep talking about which member of bts was the best. and now my eyes are super swollen 'cause we had a crying session right before that."

in the background, you could faintly hear the sound of rushing water. hyein must be awake.

"morning..." the younger girl walked in, rubbing her eyes.

you smiled. "good morning, hyeinie."

"woah, you're awake... you're usually passed out at this time."

"are you disappointed?"

"settle down, kids. breakfast's ready."

you ate in silence, occasionally asking for a napkin, or asking how each other's sleep went, and hyein went in to go get dressed for the day.

the sound of the garage door opening resounded throughout the house; uncle must be back from running errands.

"that's me," your cousin said. you adjusted the cap on her head.

"you're sleeping on the bottom bunk tonight, just so you know. i don't want you falling off in the morning, while i'm 'passed out'."

she slipped on her shoes, grinning widely at you. then, she set off with a skip in her step. you shook your head at the sight, giggling.

a few hours later, around noon, your aunt came into your room holding a wrapped... lunch? it looked like the ones you would get from your own mother for field trips, a boxed lunch wrapped with a cloth with a cute design on it. you paused in the middle of your painting of the view from your window. it was time to take a break, anyway.

"what's this?" you took it from her. the cloth concealed the smell pretty well, so you couldn't tell what was in it.

your aunt crossed her arms. "hyein's lunch."

okay... that's weird. why would she come in and give you hyein's lunch? wasn't she supposed to- oh. "you want me to bring it to her, don't you."

she only nodded, leaving the room right after.

hybe entertainment was a big building. like, a seriously big building. it was also weirdly pleasing to look at, but you thought that way with how the city looked in general with all those big buildings with their fully windowed walls.

hyein's manager was supposed to come get you at the lobby. it felt awkward waiting there, since it was so prim and proper compared to any other place you'd been to. you felt out of place. you were just a trainee's cousin, not some important figure in the industry. hell, you weren't even in the industry!

from: mom's favorite child (🐣) why'd mom tell me to send my manager down? are you here? to: mom's favorite child (🐣) yeah from: mom's favorite child (🐣) why???

you chose not to answer that. 'did she really forget her lunch?'

after around five minutes (and after receiving some curious looks from staff members) the manager led you to a dance(?) practice room, nodding and opening the door for you.

"unnie!" you were immediately crushed by the tall girl. you think the cramp in your spine was fixed by her intense embrace.

she gave you an excited look. "why're you here?"

you held up the box, dangling it in front of her eyes. "you forgot your lunch."

she took it from you with a straight face, but then changed the topic without saying anything else. what the...

"meet my members!" hyein stepped aside, revealing four girls who looked almost as confused as you were.

but they were all very pretty, you noted. especially that girl on the right, with the bangs. and those pretty eyes. and ah...

'oh my fucking god.'

"y/n!?"

"h-hanni!?"

you stood there in shock. out of all the places you could meet again, it was at your cousin's workplace? and, it turned out that they even worked together?

you were pulled into the practice room, and now you were sitting on a metal folding chair, in an icebreaker circle that took you back to middle school. it all happened in a blur, one second you were staring at hanni and the other you were forced into a chair by hyein. everyone else looked slightly uncomfortable as well.

"this is y/n, my older cousin!" she introduced you to the other girls. then, she pointed to them one by one.

"this is haerin-unnie." the cat-eyed girl nodded at you.

"minji-unnie." she waved, offering you a tight lipped smile.

"dani... danielle-unnie." she also waved, though with much more energy and a wider smile. cute.

"and this is hanni-unnie, but i suppose you two are acquainted already."

you ignored how hyein's posture became stiffer and how she suddenly started talking in a formal tone, like what she did when she was starting to plot something.

nonetheless, you bowed in your seat and waved. "i'm lee y/n... incoming first year at seoul national university. i'm looking to major in painting."

there was a brief period of silence, and you awkwardly traced the bruise you got two days ago through the hole in your jeans.

danielle(?) started clapping, the other members (including hyein) following suit.

"can we see some of your works?" she excitedly asked. you, once again, found it hard to resist a pretty girl.

"yeah, for sure!" fishing your phone out of your pocket, you pulled up the album titled 'finished paintings' and chose a landscape painting of the blue mountains which you did on a short vacation to newcastle in march. you used the pictures your dad took on his professional camera as reference, and it ended up being one of your best projects in your portfolio.

you tilted your phone horizontally so they could see the full piece, chest swelling with pride when their faces lit up with wonder.

"it's beautiful," minji commented, her eyes trailing from your phone screen to you. you blushed at the sudden eye contact.

danielle loudly gasped, shaking hanni back and forth. "oh my gosh, it's the blue mountains!"

another aussie?

"yeah, went there during a trip to newcastle," you replied in english. the girl's eyes seemed to light up even more, if that was possible. her smile became so blinding that you felt you had to shield your eyes.

"newcastle!" she pointed to herself, "that's where i'm from!"

"really? it's so pretty there, especially by the beaches," you said. "i wish i could go back and paint the views."

your stomach growled. right... you hadn't eaten since way earlier in the morning. you scratched your neck in embarrassment when haerin and hyein started giggling.

"have you girls had lunch yet?"

at seeing their heads shake 'no', you stood up and stretched your arms back. "wanna go eat something? it's my treat," you suggested. "i think i saw a tonkatsu restaurant on the way here."

the cat eyed girl, haerin, made a sound akin to the squeak of a cat (ironically) and tugged on minji's sleeve. she whispered in the girl's ear, and minji turned to look at danielle and hanni for approval.

"fine with us," she affirmed, sending you a gummy smile. "i'll tell our manager."

hyein poked your shoulder. "what about my lunch?"

"uh... we can watch something tonight and you can eat it then, i guess. i won't tell your mom?"

"deal!"

[hybe -> new area unlocked: tonkatsu restaurant]

the seating arrangement went as follows: haerin, hyein, and danielle on one side of the booth, and minji, you, and hanni on the other side. you mentally braced yourself for kicks from hyein, but your heart also sped up at being next to hanni again.

the group made their orders, you prepared to empty your wallet, and were now engaging in conversation with danielle and hanni. next to you, hyein, minji, and haerin were having a separate conversation—something about sparklers and filming.

"so, danielle," you started, folding a napkin into an unlimited amount of halves. she interrupted you before you could continue, smiling, "you can just call me dani! i find being called my full name a bit... you know."

you nodded in understanding. "dani, so you're australian too? must be nice to have a fellow aussie in your group," you nudged the girl sitting on your right. she nudged you back, but her hand made its way to yours under the table. you tried your best not to freak out.

"yep! speaking of which," danielle pointed between you and the 'fellow aussie'. "how do you two know each other? there was that whole thing when we first saw you and everything."

by now, the other three girls have tuned into your conversation. it seemed that they too, were curious.

the vietnamese was the first to explain. "we met at the airport, after i visited my family. we bumped into each other like, three times before finding out we also sat next to each other on the same flight."

minji raised an eyebrow, "wait, this is the y/n you were talking about?"

hanni looked to the side and tucked her hand behind her ear. she was talking about you?

you gave her hand a squeeze, causing her to look down at your now-intertwined fingers. when did that happen?

across the table, hyein eyed you suspiciously.

thankfully, the food came and you enjoyed your lunch, which sufficiently tamed your prior hunger that led up to this situation. you recounted more of you and hanni's first meeting, but the more you talked the more it felt like you were introducing yourself as her girlfriend.

"wow, is that why you left me on read?"

you snorted. "no, i just wanted to annoy you."

hyein kicked you under the table. you made a mental note to check your foot for another bruise later.

"to be honest," you said to the group after you finished your last bite, directing everyone's attention to yourself. "i didn't think i'd end up spending the afternoon with soon-to-be idols."

next to you, minji laughed. it tickled your brain, the way her deep voice was so sooth and calming.

"i don't think anyone here expected to spend the afternoon dining with our youngest's relative."

you laughed along with her, dabbing at your mouth with a napkin. "but i mean, we'll probably be seeing each other often. i'd love to get to know all of you."

the girls made noises of agreement, either nodding or approving verbally, and soon everyone was done eating. you paid the bill (rest in peace, wallet) and when you came back from the counter, hanni, danielle, and haerin are gone.

"they went to use the restroom," minji informed. you made an 'ahh' expression and gave an 'ok' gesture, and made to sit down to wait for the three. hyein stared at you and minji.

"i think you're really cool, y/n."

you almost did a spit-take with your glass of water. that caught you way off guard. what are you supposed to that?

"...and i was just wondering, could i get your number?"

you blinked. minji blinked. and out of the corner of your eye, you could see that hyein also blinked.

but... who would turn down an offer from a(nother) pretty girl? not you.

so obviously you punched in your digits onto the girl's phone, saving yourself as 'y/n 🎨' and by the time you were done, the rest of the group had returned to the table.

when you and the girls arrived at the company, minji left with a wink toward your direction, danielle and hyein hugged you goodbye, and haerin waved at you. only hanni was left, but both of you were reluctant to go.

"i hung the sketches up in my dorm room."

your eyes slightly widened. "really? i'm glad you like them. it's embarrassing, but you're sort of turning into my muse."

you coughed as to hide your scorching blush. hanni giggled, her cheeks also tinted red.

danielle called for her from the entrance, and you both looked to the building.

"i should go."

"yeah... oh, here." you handed her a torn piece of napkin paper with your number written on it. "my number, 'cause my dumb ass forgot to give it to you earlier."

she pocketed it and sent you an eye smile, before waving and turning around to catch up with her group members.

score!

one week later and you and minji became quick friends. she was funny, very dry but very funny. and you were too shy to text hanni much despite your show of confidence when you gave her your number.

you also hung out with the oldest member a lot. just the other day, you went to the mall with her and got frozen yogurt, and since the day you met her you've been texting every night. though not as much as you did with minji, of course you hung out with the other girls too, like when you visited the company a second and third time. (coincidentally, it was because hyein had forgotten her lunch, again)

you actually just got back from visiting minji at the dorm. it was your first time there, and you mostly just stayed in her room after being given a tour. (you ignored the disappointment in your heart after finding out hanni had a schedule, and wasn't at home)

hyein already had some of her things moved to her dorm room, but she was allowed a few more days at home until she had to stay there long-term. but lately, you've been noticing her staring at you. it often happened when you were texting or hanging out with minji. you would just see the younger girl stand in the corner of the room, 'distracted' with her phone as soon as you turned to look at her.

you were resting on your bed when the door burst open. startled, you sat bolt upright and turned your attention to whoever rudely interrupted your peaceful hour of doom-scrolling.

"unnie, do you like minji-unnie?"

"what the fu-" you stopped yourself. auntie would scold you if you slipped up in front of her kid. "no! what!?"

"oh." she sat herself next to you on the bed. "but you talk to her all the time. it's like you don't even like hanni-unnie anymore!"

it took you a second to process the younger girl's words until you exploded into a blushing mess. "how- how did you know i like hanni?"

"it's way too obvious," she shrugged.

hyein left the room, leaving you confused, until she came back in with a rolling whiteboard. where did she even get that?

you watched as she wrote on the board with a pink marker. 'operation... confess... to...' wow. you didn't like where this was going. at all. why should you confess? shouldn't she be focused on debuting? you wouldn't want to be a distraction to her. and you're pretty sure she didn't like you like that.

hyein put a bullet point under the heading, the marker squeaking as the ink dried within a second.

you frowned. "i don't think i should confess, hyein. you can put the board away."

she looked disheartened for a moment, but shook it off and faced you. "i'm like, 95% sure she likes you back. she doesn't shut up about you when she's alone in her room. i don't think she knows that we can hear her talking to herself."

choosing to keep quiet, you laid back into bed and covered your face with a pillow. that was a matter to think about later, and it was hard to stop hyein once she'd started.

"let's see... hey, pay attention; this is for everyone's sake!" the pillow was snatched from your hands. you groaned and sat up. guess it wouldn't hurt to at least hear her out. "you should do something to catch her attention."

you scoffed. "like what?"

she finished drawing two stickfigures (you and hanni, presumably) holding hands with an obnoxious amount of hearts surrounding them, and rested her hand on her hip. "you could... mysteriously take her away after one of her schedules?"

"absolutely not! that's kidnapping."

she crossed the prompt off the list. "take her on a romantic tour around the city with a rented double decker bus?"

"i don't have money for that..."

"you don't have to pay for a driver, can't you drive?" hyein pouted.

you sighed. "what's the point of renting it for her then? also, hasn't she been here long enough to know the city? plus, i don't have a korean driver's license yet."

another prompt was crossed off the list, and you waited patiently as hyein thought of another idea.

"you know, the other day..." you blinked, and now she was in front of you. 'oh god.'

a wide grin spread on her face, and you paled. "i saw some window cleaners the other day. they looked like spiderman."

"hyein..."

"and like, that's so cool! you could do that. we could get a harness from that store down the street..."

"hyein, please."

"and a rope from there, too."

"but-"

"don't you want to catch her eye?"

it was tempting. it'd been so long (christmas) since you've done something fun (insane) and hyein knew just how to push your buttons.

...damn this kid.

from: hany/n supporters mom's favorite child (🐣) added you, haerin, and mj to the group. mom's favorite child (🐣) heyy 😍 you what is this 🙁 mj ^ haerin ^ mom's favorite child (🐣) planning for hany/n to succeed also dani unnie isnt here bc she cant keep a secret mj oh finally mom's favorite child (🐣) updates will be here 😈

over the next few days, you'd been spending more time at the newjeans dorm, discussing the "plan" in depth with minji, haerin, and hyein. whenever danielle and, you smiled, hanni, dropped by, you always just changed the topic and let them join the circle, leaving the discussion to be finished in the groupchat or the next day.

but hanni's schedules had slowed down, and she was at home more often. on the other hand, it was haerin and hyein's turn to be busy, leading to you and minji hanging out on your own.

it was clear that you and the taller girl had grown way closer since your first encounter, to the point that you could joke around with her with no repercussions or shame. this year's sketchbook was a gift from minji, and the first few pages were drawings of her as a show of courtesy from you.

minji was slowly becoming your best friend since moving to korea long-term. back in australia, you didn't have a best friend, just some people that would tolerate and get along with you. but you could really connect with the stupidly tall girl that reminded you of a bear.

naturally, neither you nor minji didn't think that hanni would pay any mind to your blooming friendship.

according to minji three days later, you were wrong.

"this is giving me deja vu," you grinned at hyein, who was currently fastening the straps of your climbing harness bought from the sports shop close to hyein's home.

she rolled her eyes, tapping your helmet. this time, there would (hopefully) be no injuries. or splinters... you hated splinters.

"i'm gonna go back to them, i'll let you know where we are so you can drop down with your," she gestured to the piece of cardstock which you decorated last night, "poster."

the ropes were checked for secureness for a seventh time, and you were assisted with being lowered down the side of the building before hyein descended the stairs and to the elevator which would take her to the second floor.

[||] hanni

"what's up with you and y/n?" hanni questioned minji. it's not like she was jealous, or anything. not of how minji got close to you faster than she did, and hanni was the one to spend a whole day with you, alone, with no interruptions before they even found out you were connected. not of how she could hear the two of you laughing away at night, sometimes even including hyein and haerin in your little hanging out sessions. not of how you flashed minji, not her, minji, your signature smile which made her heart go ten times faster, because she had gifted you with a new sketchbook to replace last year's.

okay, maybe she was jealous. just a little bit.

but it didn't help how you called her 'mj' so naturally, like you'd known her for years before. or how you always snuck off or changed the topic whenever hanni appeared, acting like you were talking about something else even though she knew you weren't.

"huh?" the taller girl stopped in front of the window at the end of one of the second floor corridors. hanni tutted, "it's like you're... you're dating! or something."

minji froze, mouth agape. that wasn't a good sign. but then she started laughing like a crazy woman, making hanni even more frustrated.

"we're not dating. i don't like anyone," she paused, a shit-eating grin slowly overtaking her face. hanni scowled. "what, were you jealous i'd steal away your c-r-u-s-h?"

she dodged hanni's punch to the shoulder, still laughing at the absurdity that was her friend's thoughts.

"but you guys are so close. and hang out all the time," hanni emphasized, making wild gestures in the air with her hands.

that would be a fair point. but to minji, letting her win would be the end of the world.

"that's because-"

"hey guys!" the sounds of three sets of footsteps became louder upon approaching the pair.

"hey, hyein. hey, haerin, danielle." minji greeted, turning to the window as if she were looking for something. haerin and hyein joined her from behind. 'what the fuck?'

"what are you guys doing?" danielle asked, trying to tiptoe to see over their shoulders. unfortunately, she couldn't get past the obstacles that were freakishly tall giants named lee hyein and kim minji.

sighing, she stepped back to face the vietnamese girl, with a pout. "oh yeah, what were you talking about? we watched you try to punch minji earlier."

"it wouldn't hurt to ask for a third opinion," she mused. "do you think there's something between y/n and minji?"

danielle's eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "y/n and minji?"

"i mean... they do spend a lot of time together. but i don't think... she—minji i mean—likes y/n like that. actually, it also seems like y/n's got a different vibe to her when she's with minji, but it's not a romantic feeling-y one, you know?"

drats.

"there she is!" hyein shouted, pointing at something that hanni couldn't see from where she was.

haerin quietly dragged her by the hand to join them in looking at the thing hyein was pointing at and- was that you!?

hanging from a rope that did not look like it supported your weight, there you were, in all your glory, outside of the window holding a sign that hanni had to squint to read.

"what the heck," she pressed her hands into the glass. "why is she outside of the window? also, is that rope even secure? and," she was nudged by minji.

"read the sign, bro."

she grumbled but squinted more to make out the words on the paper. there were flowers painted onto it, with two stickfigures holding hands, and the letters written in bold...

"han, let me take U on a d8 <3" with two comically large exclamation marks following after. han? as in, her? hanni? hanni pham who you met two weeks ago? on a date? a date!

hanni was about to shout her answer until she realized you literally couldn't hear her, because there was a window separating you two, and the rope snapped.

the rope snapped! you just fell down the side of the building! what the hell!

next thing she knew she was running out the lobby and on her way to the hospital while the ambulance carried hyein and your unconscious body.

white walls. blinding lights. faint smell of disinfectant. it had been a while since the last time you landed in the hospital.

except you don't recall the absence of a cartoonish hygiene poster that was always visible immediately when you woke up. or the presence of another girl resting her head on the side of your bed topped with plain white sheets.

on the other side of the door, you could just barely hear two people conversing in korean.

that's right, you were in korea, not melbourne. and you'd fallen from the building after the rope holding you up had snapped.

you knew you were the definition of "fucked around and found out" but... holy shit, your body hurts like hell. looking down, you could see that your right leg was in a cast, and you were unable to move your upper body, feeling immense pain whenever you tried. to add on, there were many, many, bruises along your arms and from what you could see, your other, non-broken leg.

normally, your mother would barge in at this time, scolding you for doing something stupid again. but it wasn't "normally" today. a warm, wet sensation, a tear, rolled down your cheek. maybe it was the pain that finally triggered it, but it was the first time you cried since leaving your home for college.

"fuck," you murmured, lifting up your arm that wasn't occupied to wipe away the waterfall of tears that threatened to burst. in doing so, the girl holding onto your hand shifted. she scrunched her nose, wiping the sleep away from her eyes, and you could finally see her face. hanni. why was she here?

she stopped and stared at you for a moment before her eyes widened. "you're awake! you're- hold on, i'm- here's some water."

hanni helped you sit up, your upper body burning in pain, and you gulped the liquid down in seconds, gratefully handing the glass back to her.

"are you feeling okay?"

that was a good question. "i feel like shit."

she burst out in laughter, and you tried to as well, but ended up groaning in pain. damned body. you felt soothing rubs on your back from hanni, and you shot her an endearing smile. her actions made you feel all warm inside. like a cozy campfire on a cold, dark night.

"be careful," hanni chided, "you broke two of your ribs. and if you didn't know already, your leg too." that explained the extreme pain when you laughed.

you fell into a silence, getting lost in the girl's eyes before she coughed, blushing. "careful, can't have you falling before the first date."

breaking out into a dopey grin, you squeezed her hand. "i'm afraid i've already fallen."

"well then you better hurry up and get better so you can take me out on that date you promised, before you ended up here."

date? promised? the... the... what was it... you searched the depths of your sluggish mind, which was really hard considering you woke up five minutes ago.

sign. the... sign? oh, she saw it! the sign that you and hyein had stayed up making yesterday, to ask hanni out. it was a last minute thing, since you kept putting it off and forgot about it before last night.

a pair of lips pressed onto your cheek, but left as fast as they came. you snapped your head to hanni, touching the affected area with your palm.

without thinking, you surged forward and crashed your lips together, melting into a (not so) perfect kiss, but it sure felt perfect to you. hanni kissed back with even more fervor, hands tangled in your hair and leg moving in a slight crawl in an attempt to get closer to you without hurting you.

you pulled away, stupid smiles on both of your faces.

"you have no idea how long i've been wanting to do that," you said, sneaking in another peck on her lips.

"you have no idea how long i've been wanting to kiss you." she said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear.

an idea popped up in your head after spotting your sketchbook on the table next to your hospital bed. you'd been wanting to paint her properly since the first time you drew her on the plane. "han, let me paint you. please? after i get discharged, whenever that is."

she blushed, blinking at you without saying a word. then, she pulled you into a short, but sweet kiss, and pulled away to plant a small kiss on top of your intertwined hands. you recalled minji saying something about hanni's strong distaste for kisses, but her behavior at the moment was contradicting minji's words.

"you'll have much more time to paint me, wherever, whenever you want."

you giggled, giving a squeeze to her hand. "does this mean i get sneak peeks of songs?"

"no."

"aw..."

"...maybe a little. just a little bit, because i like you so much."

you pumped your fist, whispering a "yes!" before she captured your lips in another passionate kiss.

"i like you a lot, too. more than painting. wait..."

"y/n!"

you, lee y/n, were a girl who could not get a girlfriend no matter what you tried. but on that fateful day, the day you met hanni, you only had the stars and fate to thank for letting you meet the love of your life.

10 hours, in the sky, let hanni pham wiggle her way into your life. and you had to say, it was a change for the better.

when you debuted together in newjeans, you bought a bouquet of forget-me-nots for her, shyly presenting it to her when you returned to your shared room after the debut showcase. her smile was radiant that day, despite the tiring performances only a few hours ago—you made sure to engrave that expression into your memory, promising yourself to make her smile like that again and again, forever until the end of time.

now, they bloom like a viral pandemic inside your chest, vines curling around your lungs and taking your breath away. ironically, that is what hanni does to you whenever you look at her; she takes your breath away. and then she borrows your heart for a waltz, dancing around it with that smile you love so much. she doesn't ask for the key to your heart, but you'd give it up for her in the blink of an eye.

it started after a walk with hanni, an impromptu convenience store run on a quiet night. she giggled and gazed into your eyes with a look full of so much affection that you stood there in front of the snack aisle, transfixed in place. and then you felt it.

in your chest, a sprout. a sprout that would eventually turn into dozens of flowers, that would send waves of blue and pink into the silver acrylic bathroom sink in your dorm.

you read about it online once, hanahaki, when you were a few years younger and a few less mature. the younger you that took things for granted, swearing that it was fake and wouldn't ever happen to you, no, because cho y/n doesn't fall in love.

but now you, years older and more mature, who has seen only the beginning of the hardships the world deploys, would hate to face the you of the past.

because this cho y/n is in love, and love feels like a field of spring flowers—blue and pink forget-me-nots—flourishing inside your body. something that you will take to your grave.

it's another day of performances, promoting newjeans' new single that has already garnered millions of streams, to which you're immensely grateful for. the overwhelming support of people all over the world, not limited to bunnies, fills your psyche with exuberance.

your energy onstage is overflowing, spreading to the other members and to the fans. the interactions exchanged with the girls singing and dancing with you, the red flash of the live camera, the deafening cheers of the audience once you turn one of your in-ears off—they fuel you with so much motivation to achieve, to fulfill your dreams, to inspire others.

and despite your fatigue hitting upon sitting down in the waiting room, you still agree to come with hanni to the vending machines, unable to say 'no' to the girl of your affections. she leads you by the hand, outside to the hallway and not letting go, sending swells directly to your heart. 

you try to pay attention to the ramble she sparks about the variety of snacks in the new vending machine that was recently installed, and not to the erratic thumping of your heartbeat. occasionally she glances back at you, her eyes crinkling up into a dazzling smile, and you try to send one of your own to mirror her energy.

“i’m excited, y/nnie,” she says, adding a skip to her step to really show her excitement, “the old ones were getting… well, old.”

‘cute,’ you let yourself be dragged further to a corner, walking past several waiting rooms assigned to groups and soloists both known and unknown to you.

the shorter girl stops in her steps and almost makes you bump into her. confused, you look up to try and find what could possibly be the source of her lack of movement, and you see a familiar face.

a boy group member, jay from enhypen to be exact. the guy that hanni's been droning on about for about two weeks now. every second, minute, hour, she manages to find an opportunity to start gushing over him. of course, you’re happy for her, but you’re also sick of it. even danielle is tired of the same topic. sometimes you wish things could go back to the way they were before, and hanni would return to being the loveable, angerable, and passionate person that she is, at least the one you know and loved love. 

they exchange some pleasantries, and your fellow group member inquires about the vending machine and if he's tried it yet. the conversation turns to a different topic, they talk about going on yet another date, she teases him and tells him to text her the details, and he leaves with a lingering touch on her shoulder. i’ll see you, he says softly, making her swoon and wish that he’d sweep her off of her feet. but by the time she turns to you to squeal about the newly planned date in her schedule, you're gone.

the coldness of the running water from music bank's bathroom sink soothes the stress in your veins, washing the specks of blood off of your hands. you watch fragments of petals that didn't make it to the trashcan swirl down into the open drain, then let your eyes bore a hole into the mirror which casts your reflection onto its surface.

'she likes a boy,' a bitter thought bubbles up into your mind, 'and i'm not a boy.' the overplayed song simmers in your thoughts before you have to force it away. stupid. of course it's a guy—he's tall, plays the guitar, cooks, and even more.

you slowly raise a hand, water dripping off of your skin and back into the sink, and shake it roughly in front of the mirror. droplets slide down in streaks, turning what was once your clear, pristine reflection into the distorted face of a figure, unrecognizable. a silhouette of a human being.

what does he have that you don’t? 'that's a stupid question,' you chuckle deprecatingly, 'he has everything that i don't.'

he has everything that you don’t, everything to match as perfect a girl as hanni is. and hanni is everything; she’s sweet, talented, short-tempered, and she puts so much thought into loving but she does it effortlessly.

love was supposed to be like fireworks exploding, the purest feeling you can feel. it's everywhere—familial, romantic, platonic, in the dedication that was packed into building the walls of every building you've been in, in the care that was put into making the matcha latte you had this morning. it's supposed to be euphoric, almost idyllic.

you don't regret loving hanni. she's given you the key to a new world of experiences and attractions, like a theme park that never ages. but you've lost her in the crowd. your heart bleeds into the petals that belong to the flowers she loves so dearly, and it's literally killing you.

forget-me-nots symbol true love and remembrance—something happy, something that is supposed to fill your entire being with joy. but they rot in your gut like the plague.

a flurry rushes up your throat, making you gag and dryly throw up the waterfall of pink and blue petals into the sink. it's a disgusting feeling, both the throwing up and the texture of the bloody petals as you crush them in your palm before transferring the pile to the trash bin.

the blood that remains burns like asphalt on your tongue. you spit another few petals out, a dull red staining the floral discharge and the sink. you turn the 'cold' knob of the sink to wash your hands, but end up looking deep into your distorted reflection once again.

the bloodstained acrylic sink overflows with cold water, splashing down to the floor and soaking your clothes, but you pay no mind to it. instead, you have a face-off with your distorted reflection.

love is intoxicating, exhilarating, and painful. it’s beautiful, yet ugly, and vibrant red and pink, yet gray. loving hanni feels like walking on a long, shaky plank between mountains. like you’re at risk of falling every few seconds.

she'd be happy with jay. she already is.

you frown at the mirror, the movements of your mouth obscured by the water still dripping down the glass. water from the overflowing sink seeps into your shoes and into your socks, inciting another gross feeling within you. you don't bother turning the sink off.

after another moment, you can't take the sight of the empty reflection anymore. an impending cough burns in your throat, and blood sprinkles out of your mouth. the dull feelings and surroundings overwhelm your senses. 

you dunk your head into the overflowing pool of water.

it's cold, and it's comforting. it tastes like blood and it's freeing.

you can finally breathe, for once.

"what were you thinking!?" minji scolds you, infuriated, having found you on the cusp of death in the bathroom. you're in the newjeans waiting room, freshly changed into your regular clothes and out of the ruined stage outfit, and a towel hangs around your neck to catch any stray droplets from your hair.

she paces back and forth in front of the couch you're sitting on, pinching the bridge of her nose. recognizing your lack of response, she sighs and squats down to meet your empty gaze. "are you okay?"

shifting in your seat, miniscule drops of water taint your hands and your white graphic tee. you shake your head stiffly and croak out with your hoarse voice, “i don’t know.”

“hanni said you’d randomly left her earlier,” minji says softly, only the desire to understand storming in her eyes. “if i hadn’t found you when i did, you would’ve…”

hanni. the very reason you’re throwing up flowers every night, for god’s sake. and as if right on cue, a petal makes its way out of your mouth and onto the hand you shove over your lips. when you hesitantly lower it down to your lap, minji gasps.

“is, is that—oh, y/n, you're...” she bites her lip, bringing you into a tight hug. it’s warm, but it provides only a bit of comfort to mend some of the wounds left on your heart. “...you’ll be okay.”

a warm droplet soaks into the fabric of your top, and it’s not the water from your hair. minji’s crying, crying for you because you can’t even do that for yourself. “i’ll ask for a separate car so we can get you to a doctor,” she murmurs into your hair, “everything will be okay, that’s the least we can hope for.”

you notice there’s a few more bodyguards surrounding you and minji as you make your way to one of the management’s black vans. the public can’t know two members left the building separate from their group lest they’d bombard everyone with prying questions disguised by innocent remarks. your heart aches when hyein looks at the two of you with confusion, probably wondering why you’re not all going home together. she doesn’t have to know. she can’t know; it would break her heart.

the hospital is as devoid of life as ever, the only signs of there actually being life in it being the buzz of chatter from staff and patients and rhythmic beeps from machinery. the last time you were in this dystopia of a building was when hyein fractured her foot. back then, the visits were rushed with anxiety and fear that came in a cold bead of sweat. now, it’s a slow walk, resignation dripping with every step that you take and occasionally interrupted by a chilled shiver. bile sticks to the back of your throat uncomfortably.

minji keeps your pace, sometimes glancing worriedly at you before looking to where the manager is up ahead. you’re headed to the front desk, where your manager would discreetly inform the receptionist of your conditions and then be directed to the waiting area, where you would wait for the diagnosis (of which you’re already acutely aware) of your demise.

the woman at the reception is deeply shocked upon seeing you and minji behind the manager, evident in the way her mouth hangs open and how she’s unable to say a word for a few seconds. perhaps it’s not only because of the sight of you, but also because of the reason for your visit. an idol coughing up flowers because of an unrequited love? almost unheard of. almost, because no company would ever let that sort of news out to the public.

examination rooms always smell strongly of disinfectant, now only adding to the pounding headache you have. the scent pierces through your dry nostrils, creating an insatiable itchy feeling that you can only temporarily get rid of when you cover your nose. a nurse comes in for the regular checkup, and then a doctor, doctor jeong, cautiously enters.

he clears his throat, a clear clipboard holding your documents grasped in his hand. his browline glasses enhance his ‘doctor’ image, like he was born to be a doctor. “you… have hanahaki disease. the unfortunate illness of throwing or coughing up flowers, the cause being unrequited love.”

yes, that’s right. hanahaki. unrequited love. unable to answer, you nod your head weakly. beside you, minji bites her lip worriedly. “is… is there a cure?”

“well,” he sighs, eyes filled with sympathy for your pitiful state. it almost makes you want to scoff. “either the recipient of miss cho y/n’s feelings reciprocates, or a surgery can be scheduled for the forced removal of the flowers. with the surgery, the feelings will disappear completely, though there is a risk of not being able to love again.”

a beat of silence follows; neither you nor minji dare to say a word. and so you use the time to think: do you really want to get rid of your feelings for hanni? years of pining, thrown away like nothing? you couldn’t do that to yourself. even though your love is draining the life out of you, it is still love, and it is still wonderful nonetheless. 

doctor jeong scribbles something down on the document, the only sound in the room being your breathing and the scritch of his pencil. “for now, miss cho y/n, i’ll prescribe you flower suppressants. they’ll slow the growth of the flowers in your lungs, but it will only be temporary; it will give you time.”

“because time is all i have,” you mutter, your voice barely above a whisper. 

he stays silent for a moment, then leaves, gingerly handing you a prescription paper, and you and minji are left alone. minji slowly stands up, leading you by the hand to exit the exam room and meet your manager in the hall. you go to the pharmacy to pick up the medicine with the paper he gave. 

the ride home is suffocating, but not because of the flowers begging to be let out. there’s a conversation spoken with the exchange of looks from saddened eyes, and then you break it off to stare at the passing scenery out the window.

time will tell, but time is all you have and there’s not enough of it.

the two of you return to the dorms while everyone’s asleep. when you gently open the door, a figure sleepily rises from the couch and wipes her eyes. 

correction: everyone except hyein is asleep; she must’ve been waiting for you to come home.

“hyein,” minji starts, a slight scolding tone hidden in her voice, “what are you doing, still up?”

the younger girl rubs her eyes again, eyebrows knitting together. she’s clearly fatigued, exhaustion leaking through every action, but she chose to wait for you and minji’s return home. “i was… i was waiting for you,” she slowly replies, as if she were afraid of upsetting the two of you any further—not that you’re upset at her in the first place. “where were you guys?”

“running errands,” minji answers, curt. hyein’s eyes flash with hurt, and the older girl freezes. “sorry. we’re quite tired, hyein. you should head back to bed.”

“thanks—” you say, voice barely above a whisper. “—for waiting, hyein.”

you know she hears the pain in your voice. she glances at you worriedly before she scurries down the hallway to her room. minji only speaks when her door clicks shut.

“i don’t think you have any schedules with her anytime soon… but i can’t prevent her from seeing you,” she breathes out, rubbing her temple. 

you furrow your brow. “why are you saying it like i hate her?”

minji swallows thickly, leaning on her arms on the top of the couch’s backrest, her movements highlighted by the warm glow of the table lamp. “because,” she pauses, frowning, “she invited jay over for two days from now.”

“that fast…” you mutter, and the living room is engulfed in silence until you feel that burning feeling in your throat again. petals. flowers.

the immense pain from coughing is intensified because of the burn that water left, your rushed movements to the bathroom having a clogging effect on you. piles of flowers are heaved out of your mouth and into the sink. 

you turn the water on, splashing some on your face, vision blurring. liquid feels like it's filling up your mouth, your body, your lungs, taking your breath away like hanni does to you. it’s suffocating, the relieving feeling from before now absent. and although your body tells you that you’re not, your mind is screeching, screaming the message that you are drowning. 

you are drowning, thoughts melding together to create a big lump of something unintelligible. you’re helpless.

“hey!” minji runs in, pulling you away from the sink and pushing you down slowly to the floor. “y/n, i need you to breathe. can you hear me?”

water in your airways, water in you. petals in your airways. petals growing from within your lungs. you whimper, throat too dry to manage to cough, but you muster up a creaky nod, trying to meet minji’s eyes, your pupils shaking.

“count to ten with me. one, two, three…”

“four…” it burns your throat, aching as you speak. 

the girl nods, keeping eye contact with you. “good. five, six, seven…”

thoughts are clearing, water is draining. “ei-eight.”

“nine…”

ten. 

you take several deep breaths, leaning forward into minji’s warmth and not closing your eyes. you would drown again if you left yourself in the dark. 

a reminder bubbles up in your mind. ‘...will only be temporary; it will give you time.’ 

“pills,” you whisper, patting your jacket pocket which was slightly splashed with water, some petals hidden in the wrinkles. for a second, you question the legitimacy of these pills, but you’re extremely desperate. your groupmate reaches into the pocket, pulling out the new prescription bottle. 

she moves it away when you try to reach for it, humming. “you can’t have this on an empty stomach. you haven’t eaten since before the performance, and it’s nearing midnight.”

minji has warmed up a bowl of instant white rice, since the rice cooker has yet to be replaced. you watch the steam rise up into the lone ceiling lamp at the dining table.

“you should eat while it’s still hot.”

for the pills. for the pain.

under minji’s hawk-eye surveillance, you dig the stainless steel spoon into the rice and lift it to your lips and take a bite. it’s not supposed to have any special flavor to it, but it travels down your throat like a rock. you try to resist the urge to gag, but it’s inevitable with the next few bites. 

minji uncrosses her arms and slides the bottle of pills to you, and you gratefully open it. ‘one tablet every six hours, take as necessary.’

you take the first dose. it tastes like nothing at all.

the girl takes the bottle, sliding it back near her. “i’ll be giving you one before breakfast, lunch, and dinner. no more. but if you don’t want to take them, i won’t give it to you.”

“i’ll take them,” you reply, staring at the unfinished bowl of rice. it makes you feel nauseous, so you direct your gaze to your lap instead. 

“...good night, minji.”

minji lets out a labored sigh. “good night, y/n.”

hyein stands by with her back pressed against the wall near the living room. you looked awfully tired, maybe even drained, earlier—it’s concerning, especially with the way you and minji had mysteriously gone off somewhere after music bank. 

after much trying, she hears slivers of your hushed conversation. what she heard was shocking, but she can’t decide whether or not she’s glad she knows or if she should’ve really gone to bed earlier. 

“...i’ll be giving you one before breakfast, lunch, and dinner…”

giving what, exactly? the younger girl pushes slightly on her grip on the corner of the wall, trying to view the scene without exposing herself. and there she sees her older member holding a bottle of prescription pills. there’s a few petals on the ground leading to the bathroom. when did they get flowers?

her face pales, and she rushes to the bathroom where she heard the anxiety inducing incident just ten minutes prior. as soon as she flips the lightswitch, she sees broken and blood speckled petals, blue and pink, lining the drain.

and when she opened the small trash can by the foot of the counter, a nauseating feeling rushed over her. dozens and dozens of petals, most bloodied and some retaining their purity. there were even drops of blood on the ground. 

“what…?” 

hyein swallows down her urge to gag and quietly slips away to her room. it can’t be. it can’t.

you wake up at six in the morning. there’s already a tablet on your bedside waiting for you, placed on top of a sticky note from minji that says “after breakfast”. 

so, this is your life now, huh?

with a sigh, you push yourself off of the sanctuary that is your bed and shuffle over to the bathroom. blinking through your bleary eyes, you can see that there’s no evidence of the night before—no petals, no blood—minji probably took care of it. you brush your teeth and turn the faucet on again to wash your face. the memory of your almost-drowning flashes in your mind, but you quickly shake it away.

no one’s awake at six, except danielle who’s really the only productive member in the morning. she’s got her headphones on and is sketching a still-life of the vase on the living room coffee table. the vase is holding wilted tulips, white in color, which nobody has had the time to replace. 

danielle feels your presence, turning her head to you. she offers a wide smile and a wave, and gestures to the kitchen where a pot of oatmeal is residing on one of the stovetops. you return the nod, giving her a small hug before going to the kitchen.

you could probably eat some oatmeal. maybe not with any toppings, no, but it’s bland enough for you to force down. you scoop some into a pink flower-patterned ceramic bowl and eat at the island, facing the living room where you can watch danielle’s sketching.

the oatmeal’s to your expectations. not too bland like the rice, and just enough flavor to carry through. the scratch of your groupmate’s pen is oddly calming to your ears. 

after you wash your bowl and spoon, you return to your room with a glass of water and take the tablet with it. pausing for a moment, you try to think of something to do since you can’t just go back to sleep, and then grab your wired earbuds and your phone after changing into a basic t-shirt and shorts.

on your way to the front door, you hear the faint sound of music coming from a certain member’s room. it’s wild heart by the vamps. one of the first songs she recommended to you. you try to swallow down your mild nausea.

danielle’s still drawing in the living room. you tap her shoulder and point your thumb to the door with a tilt of your head. “i’m going out for a run.”

“be safe,” she nods, waiting for you to respond with your own nod. in the midst of the silence, she stares into your eyes with an unrecognizable look, like she can see right through you, and it makes you shiver. she’s been spending too much time with haerin.

immediately as you step outside, you feel the early morning breeze hit your exposed skin and regret not bringing a jacket. it’s whatever—the exercise will warm you right up. exercising has always been one of the hobbies that could relieve you of your stresses, ever since high school. it served well as a distraction from exams, from your friend’s delusional crushes, and from the thought of having to practice singing and dancing for eight hours the next day. you hope that will be the case for today. 

starting with stretching your limbs, you pay extra attention to your legs since it’s been a minute since your last run. you pull out your phone and open spotify, tucking the earbuds into your ears, and restless by bibi fills your ears. the soothing nature of the intro is a pleasant launch to your session, and you focus on getting one foot in front of the other in a walk, slowly speeding up.

the last time you took a few laps around the neighborhood, it was with hanni. she, ever the curious soul, had asked to accompany you on one of your regular runs, and of course you said yes. about halfway through the usual three miles, she stopped you abruptly and asked for a break. 

(“wait, wait!” the shorter girl called out, and when you looked over your shoulder you could see her hunched over and leaning her hands on her knees. “couldn’t we take a break?”

you checked your wrist watch, tapping on the screen to pause the time. “it’s only been 15 minutes, though?”

hanni made a face and gestured at your belt holding a water bottle. you slipped it out of its compartment and handed it to her, which made her expression shift into a satisfied and thankful grin. you smiled at the change. “do you want to stop by the river?”

the girl paused in her drinking. “how far is that?”

“not too far. we can feed the ducks?”

“oh my god, yes please.”)

the two of you had gotten back way later than scheduled, and got scolded by minji. you had to deliver the explanation, though, since hanni couldn’t get through it without giggling between every word. it was because you started dancing to eta for the ducks, much like hanni did in an older vlog.

a familiar wave of nausea hits you as you pass by the mentioned river, though nothing comes out when you instinctively cough. it leaves a strange burning sensation in your gut—it must be the effects of the pills. you can’t decide whether it’s better than coughing out petals or not. the song changes to another. you can’t remember what the previous one was.

it takes you longer than before to finish running three miles around the neighborhood. part of the reason is because of your lack of practice, and the other part is because of your mind being consumed by forget-me-nots. 

you’re standing in front of the entrance of the apartment complex, hesitating in your movements. you can’t find it in yourself to return home. what would you do? go back to sleep? write lyrics? 

a thought surfaces in your mind. minji must be awake by now; she’ll know what to do.

the charms attached to your keys click and clack against each other in a dissonant jingle, and you push the door in with an open palm. danielle has finished her prior sketch, it seems, and is now drawing haerin who’s currently scrolling on her phone with a heavy-lidded gaze next to her. she looks seconds away from falling asleep, though it’s only eight in the morning. danielle greets you with another wave. you send a nod back.

the music playing from a certain member’s room has ceased, and her door is open. you can’t help but wonder where she has gone. instead of going to your room, you make a beeline to minji’s and slightly push open her door. hanni’s all sprawled on the taller girl’s bed, legs kicking and everything, sifting through a playlist to play on minji’s bluetooth speaker. minji perks up at the door creaking open and widens her eyes, preparing to say something but hanni beats her to it.

“oh, hey y/n!” she chirps, waving you over, “come lay with me, minji’s new blanket is so warm.”

a familiar and welcoming warmth floods your heart. you look over to minji, whose expression is stuck between hesitation and something else. whatever it is, you assume it’s a look of concern.

hanni tilts her head and her stare burns an aching hole into you. once you stop fighting the urge to join her and concede, she beams that wonderful grin and all the tension in your shoulders is released. minji’s conflicted gaze lingers on you until she sighs and turns back to whatever it was that she was doing at her desk. you don’t join hanni in laying down, but you sit on the edge of the bed next to her. she sends you a questioning look, pouting, but you point at the training clothes you’re wearing.

“i’m sweaty,” you say, causing hanni to playfully roll her eyes. “i went for a run.”

the shorter girl throws one of minji’s teddy bears at you, and you catch it. it’s soft and fuzzy, wearing a gray sweater. “look at you, being productive in the morning! you haven’t gone on one for ages.”

because her statement was true, you couldn’t find any argument to refute it with and settled on the excuse of practice for the ongoing comeback. today is one of the rare free days, since you’ve been promoting for about two weeks straight now. tomorrow, you and haerin are scheduled for an appearance on a variety show that you can’t remember the name of.

there’s a pause, the atmosphere calm and relaxed, and you start to space out as you stare at some poster in the oldest’s room until hanni taps her hand on your back. you whip your head around, bending your arm back to touch on the spot she hit. it tingles. 

“are you free later?” she asks, a lazy smile spreading across her face. “i want to go shopping—jay’s coming over tomorrow.”

right. that guy. you almost forgot about him. before your thoughts could drop into a spiral, minji spins around in her chair and cuts through your hesitance. “y/n and i have plans later, actually.”

hanni frowns, her eyes darting between you and the taller. “later being…?”

there hadn’t been a mention of any planned hangout—this especially contradicts minji’s earlier claims of being free the entire day. 

minji stands up from the chair and trudges over to her closet, picking out the first few things she sees, and then turns back to the bed where the vietnamese is now sitting up in confusion. “later is now, actually. y/n, are you ready to go?”

knocked out of your stupor, you scramble to your feet just as the nauseating feeling caused by the mention of hanni’s whatever-he-is starts up. “um,” you glance at hanni, “yeah. let’s go.”

you can’t help but notice the puzzled gaze that the girl sends you as you let yourself start to be led out of the room by the hand. her eyes hold confusion, maybe a smidge of frustration. her sulking is evident in the pout she makes as she watches you leave. 

once minji is finished changing in the bathroom, she smiles at you and intertwines your fingers together, leading you out through the front door. you’re stuck in a daze until she pulls you forward, suddenly noticing how you were lagging behind and practically had to be dragged by her. 

“you’re so slow,” she scolds playfully, scrunching up her nose. then, she lowers her voice to a hush. “did you take your pill?”

the scenery changes from the monotone walls of the apartment complex to the verdant foliage outside. it’s warmer now that it’s not six and a half in the morning—if it was, you’re not sure if the stroll you’re currently on would be enough to warm you up. “i took it this morning,” you reply, feeling uncomfortable. “but it feels like all the flowers are clogging up whenever it spikes.”

a beat of silence passes. minji’s only answer is a firm nod, and she starts swinging your connected hands. you blink. the atmosphere between the two of you became unnervingly awkward from her lack of verbal reply. you swallow thickly, “so, what plans did we have?”

the topic change is successful. minji stops swinging your hands back and forth to look over at you in surprise. she squeezes your hand. “uh, i mean to be honest, i just wanted to get you out of there. do you want to do anything specific?”

“no,” you shake your head, looking at your linked hands, then to the ground, “i—”

your sentence is interrupted by your phone buzzing in your pocket and you quickly turn to minji with an asking gaze. she nods, pressing her lips into a thin line, and you take your phone out to check who the notification was from. the lock screen is of you and the others, with hanni resting her head on your shoulder with an eye smile and you smiling down at her. minji and haerin are playing with a dinosaur-shaped water gun, and danielle is in between everyone, arms wrapped around you and hyein's shoulders. just the mere sight of the photo, taken by one of your managers, warms your heart. 

unlocking the device, you open your messages to see three pictures that hanni has sent you—mirror pictures, showing off three different outfits. a smile automatically makes its way onto your face as you scrutinize the photos she’s sent, and you can just barely hear minji scoff and chuckle in amusement next to you. minji has led the two of you to a nearby bench, sitting you down so you don’t interrupt anyone walking in the midst of your texting.

hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ [attachment: 3 images] which one?? you hmmm 🤔 the second one oversized always looks good on u btw what's this for? hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ jays coming over remember! i need to impress him so he doesnt think im a slob at home i rlly like him i wanna make this count yk

your chest throbs and you feel a group of petals swirling around in your gut. it’s disgusting, not being able to spit out the very reason for your pain, but still feeling it in a passive state. minji rubs your back soothingly in circles. it only slightly helps. after taking a moment to compose yourself, you open your phone back up to see more texts from hanni.

hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ yn??? hellooooo r u there you sorry had to tie my shoe isn’t he just coming over? u don’t need to dress all fancy to impress him hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ ugh i know but what if you the second one then hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ thanks! ill treat u to some boba as thanks <3 you ofc

you pause, pondering whether or not you should send the next message you already typed out in a flash.

you anything for you hanbun  ₍ᐢ. .ᐢ₎ 😆

the screen shuts off and you lean back against the wooden bench, taking a deep breath. the two of you sit in silence for a few moments longer, and then minji stands up with a big stretch. she turns to you, reaching her hand out for you to take. another set of petals swarm your gut and you shiver. 

“let’s go practice.”

an offer intended to provide a distraction. a saving grace. you take her hand, her fingers rough and smooth in contrast with hanni’s calloused fingers. both made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, in two different ways.

“okay.”

old habits die hard.

as a trainee, practice had been a more-than-efficient outlet for you to vent your stress into. it might not have been the healthiest, but it worked—and it was the only thing you knew. minji was the one who had brought you out of the habit, seeing as you worked so hard to the point of collapse.

come to think of it, minji’s been there for you for most of your recent years. from trainees, to debut, and now with your… situation. have you ever thanked her for all she’s done? you have to make a note to do so. 

“you should loosen up your turn here,” minji says, explaining her words in the form of a demonstration. she pivots on her left foot and pushes her torso to the right, her motions more fluid than your earlier ones. “you’re putting too much pressure on your leg—just let yourself move freely.”

your eyes snap to the mirror, replicating her movements as best as you can. a small smile tugs at the corner of your lips when she flashes you a thumbs-up. minji shuffles over to the laptop to pause the music, and turns back to you. “let’s take a break?”

“just a little more,” you frown, taking a step forward to attempt to turn the music back on, to no avail as the taller girl closes the laptop shut and crosses her arms.

minji stands firm, her stance unwavering. if you weren’t already used to this side of her, you’d be shaking in fear. “you know how that’s gonna end.”

her eyes bore into yours, and you have to look away or else the cracks in your soul would expand. “fine.”

by the time minji settles down next to you, cross-legged and taking big gulps from a water bottle from the fridge in the corner, your eyes are drooping in exhaustion. your head is leaning to the side and she notices, scooting back so you could lay your head on her lap after much resistance. 

“you know,” she starts, pressing dents into the empty plastic bottle. the crackling sounds sting your ear. “practice is good. it sharpens your movements, hones your skills, and most importantly, it distracts.”

yes, distraction. it was something you knew very well, precisely the reason why you always fell back into it.

minji places the twice dented bottle in front of her on the floor and reaches down to move a strand of hair out of your face. “i’m sure you already know that. since the start of time, you’ve known. but you also know that overworking yourself can make your practice backfire, and then all your hardwork will go to waste.”

“take care of yourself, y/n-ah, please.”

you look up into her eyes, full of worry. “thank you, minji. i’ll try.”

sometimes you feel as if haerin could burn a hole into you with just her stare. it’s happening right now, as you try to write lyrics for a new song in your room. the feline is laying on your bed, but you can feel her staring through your back. it’s utterly unsettling.

“is there something wrong, haerin?” you turn around in your chair, gulping. “you’ve been staring at me like crazy ever since you waltzed right in here.”

lucky for you, the girl relents and she pulls the covers over herself. “why’d you go out to practice today? and to run? you haven’t done that in a long time.”

of course. if anyone is gonna notice the changes in your routine, it’s always going to be haerin. you turn back around in the chair. “felt distracted. i wanted a change of pace.”

“oh,” haerin hums. “does it have anything to do with hanni-unnie?”

god, her observant nature is so double-edged. the thought of hanni makes your heart clench, but nothing rushes up. good. 

“maybe,” you answer cryptically, “maybe not.”

you reach over to turn your fan on, toggling it to the highest setting. it’s spinning at a moderate rate, and it replaces the silence that was left after your reply. haerin sits up, ruffling the blankets that are covering her lap. “hey, y/n-unnie,” she starts.

without looking up, you hum. the cat-eyed girl doesn’t continue until you sigh and spin around to face her. “yes, haerinnie?”

she blinks owlishly at you. “those flowers from the past few weeks wouldn’t happen to be yours, would they?”

the fan buzzes. you stand up to open the curtains on your window. the sun comes shining through, and you even have to squint a little to adjust to the newfound brightness in your room. you smile when the girl in your room winces. 

haerin may be an observant girl, and she might already know about your condition, but the best thing about her is that she never tells a soul about what she knows if it’s that important. you lean your back against your desk, pencil left on your notebook, and the sun casts a shadow over your face.

“go to sleep, kitty kang. i got new comforters.”

the feline tilts her head at you, curious but never pushing, and lies back down obediently. she tucks herself deeper into your blankets, bringing her phone closer to her, and closes her eyes with a contented sigh. there’s always been an unspoken agreement between the older girls, to not burden the younger members too much, but they always want to know anything and everything about their older friends.

you’re sure haerin already knows, but for now, you’ll pretend like she’s blissfully unaware.

one month has passed since the day out with minji, supernatural promotions have concluded, and newjeans has been granted a break. you should be resting, but like a cat always makes its way back home, time and time again you find yourself in the dark-walled practice room.

in the practice room, there were oxygen masks. at the dorms, there was hanni.

hanni, who has started dating jay. it started about a week after that day with minji. fortunately, you’ve grown so familiar with avoiding hanni when possible that the effects of the flowers have been reduced. today, you even decided to skip the pills. minji wouldn’t know.

you can only watch your reflection as your body moves to the beats of the song, moves on autopilot while your mind is occupied. hopefully, the thoughts of perfecting your moves will drown out all the longing thoughts. despite the growing fatigue weighing down both your psyche and frame, the squeaking of your sneakers and the vibrations of the speaker will always provide you a sense of invigoration.

after all, old habits die hard.

there was a time when hanni would stay with you to practice, simply because of how stubborn she was to not let you go home alone. you miss those times, when you were really becoming closer friends.

(“what are you still doing here?” hanni gasped, swinging the door open and running up to you. you were leaning against the mirror, sweat dripping down your face, but still made a move to get back up and dance to the song that hanni thought she’d heard way too many times in one day.

“practicing,” you replied, “i made too many mistakes today. you should go home.”

the vietnamese huffed, pausing for a moment and then rolling up her sleeves, stretching. 

you frowned, pausing the music. “what are you doing?”

hanni grinned. “practicing with you. it’s dark outside, and we both live in the dorms anyway. i’ll dance with you, so let’s walk home together, yeah?”

you had never thought her smile looked so radiant.)

after the session, you both packed up your things and walked out of the building together. these late-practices became a regular thing, maybe every other day of the week. you still had school, but you would often come over to hanni’s dorm room after classes to talk about what you both did that day. 

on the walks home, you would even stop to go to the convenience store, or even spend hours talking on the swings in the nearby playground. but what was most memorable was the fact that hanni never failed to spot her favorite flowers in the display window of the flower shop.

(“hey, look,” hanni stopped at the window, just barely lit by a nearby streetlamp. “there’s forget-me-nots.”

“forget-me-nots?” you repeated, then looking at her incredulously. “how can you even see them?”

“i could recognize them from a mile away, y/nnie!” she sing-songed, smiling and going ahead with a skip in her step.

you rushed to catch up with her, whining. “hey! you can’t just run off like that…”

hanni turned to you, tilting her head. “we’re debuting soon. when we do, will you get me a bouquet of forget-me-nots, blue and pink, on the day of our first stage?”

it was winter, and it might have been bloody cold, but that didn’t matter because your cheeks were filled with so much warmth. you had never felt this way about another person, in fact, you swore to never feel like this toward another. you quietly apologized to your younger self. there seemed to be no way out from it.

“of course, han. i’ll make sure to get the prettiest batch.”

the shorter girl beamed. no flowers could ever match her beauty.)

the door clicks open and your eyes are forcefully torn away from the mirror by the human nature of curiosity and alertness. there, hyein stands, looking afraid and timid, which is out of character for her. she holds up a cold sports drink, which must’ve just been taken out of a freezer or a cooler because there’s condensation dripping down the side of the plastic.

you shuffle to the laptop connected to the speaker and pause the music, facing hyein who has now walked over to where you were. “hyein,” you greet, grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat off of your forehead, “what are you doing here?”

she hands you the ice-cold drink, and you waste no time in unscrewing the cap and gulping down half of its contents, releasing a refreshing and relieved breath at the end to appease the youngest. “minji-unnie told me you’d be here. and um,” she bites her lip, suddenly feeling like the ground is more interesting than whatever is about to happen. the volume of her voice drops significantly, and you have to strain your ears to be able to hear what she says. “i want to talk to you about something.”

something? what could something be? it can’t be the flowers, you’ve tried your best to cover up any trace of them, but could you have been careless? 

hyein pulls out her phone and shows you pictures that were taken the night you got home from the hospital with minji. blue and pink forget-me-nots, littered all over the floor, in the sink, and stuffed into the trash bin. remnants of blood on the petals, on the counter, and on the tiles. the orange tinted prescription bottle on the dining table.

your face pales. you’re then tackled into a hug by the taller girl, and soon your ears are filled with the sounds of her sobbing. her phone drops to the ground, clacking against the dark, hardwood flooring of the practice room. 

“unnie,” she clutches at your oversized long sleeve shirt, voice so full of emotion that it brings you out of your stupor. you bring your arms around her, and she unconsciously lowers herself so that you could place your chin on her shoulder, just like always. a big sniffle comes out of her, and you feel the back of your shirt getting wet. “were you ever going to tell us?”

you’re glad that you are the one facing the mirror, because you wouldn’t have to take a look at your cherished younger member’s crying face—only your own, unrecognizable one in the reflection. this time, it’s crystal clear and not distorted by streaks of water.

“there, there,” you pat her back softly, murmuring gentle reassurances so that her tears may be reduced. hyein was the last person that you wanted to know about the situation, but it can’t be helped. now that it’s come to this point, she deserved to know the whole truth. “let me get you some water and then we can talk, okay?”

feeling a nod against your shoulder, you take it as a cue to pull away and wipe her tears away with your sleeve. the cuff of your right sleeve is now dampened. you roll it up. “we’re out of water in this fridge, so i’ll have to get it from another room. can you wait here for me?”

hyein sniffles, wiping away more tears from the corners of her eyes. she barely nods, mumbling a quiet “okay” before you turn to open the door. something in your gut tells you not to open it, but you do anyway.

“let go of me, jay!” hanni half-grumbles, half-shouts, shaking off the man’s grip on her arm. he chases after her, a hint of pleading in his eyes as he scrambles to beg for another chance.

“hanni, please! we can talk about this, can’t you give us another shot?”

the short girl glares at him, seething in anger and distrust. “you cheated on me, jay. i’d be a fool with no self-respect to come crawling back to yo—mmph!”

he brings her into a kiss. you swivel around on your heel to shut the door behind you and face a confused hyein. it was a mistake to open the door. it was a mistake to skip the pills.

you fall to your knees and cough out floods of blue and pink.

it’s been a while since an attack this big happened. the medicine suppressed the flowers, which meant that when you coughed this time, everything kept spilling out. everything that you’ve tried to hide for the past month or so. the coughs won’t stop coming, and with the coughs come even more petals, to the point where broken stems appear in the products of your suffering. hyein rushes to your side, eyes widened and hands trying to rub your back in hopes that it would help, but after a minute of doing so she realized that she would need help from the outside.

she stands up abruptly, breaths becoming heavier with panic. “unnie, i, i’m gonna get help! stay there!”

you reach a hand out, “hyein, wait—” trying to stop the girl, but you’re interrupted by more coughs and more petals and hyein is gone, you’re alone in the room again, and you can’t breathe.

everything isn’t going the way it’s supposed to be. nothing ever goes your way. you stay hunched over on the ground, chest heaving until your coughs are dry and bear empty yields. there’s an impressive pile of flowers, both with stems and no stems, full flowers and just petals, on the floor under you. you struggle to sit up, shakily coming to a stand and slowly walking over to where hyein’s phone is on the ground.

“it’s okay,” you mutter to yourself with a hoarse throat, “it’s fine. everything will be fine.”

hanni's mind has been in a swirl of frustration, anger, betrayal, and now it's confusion because she just saw hyein run out of a practice room screaming for help for you. jay's still standing at the part of the hallway in which she slapped him after he kissed her, but she couldn't care less. because now, now she knows that you're in need, and you're in the practice room, and she knows that you've been avoiding her and she didn't mind it because of jay, but she still loves you because you're her best friend.

her best friend that could solve every problem in the world for her. hanni wants to return the favor. find out what’s happening to you. fix the problem. she knows cpr! ...hopefully that knowledge isn’t needed in this situation. 

the moment she walks into the practice room, she notices a pile of blue and pink forget-me-nots. her favorite. they’re speckled with blood and wow, that’s a lot of blood for flowers, and she realizes that flowers don’t bleed, and that the only person it could’ve come from is you. flowers. blood. hanahaki disease.

fix the problem.

hanni isn’t thinking when she runs up to you, cups your cheeks, and crashes her lips onto yours. she isn’t thinking when she lets her tongue swipe your lip, granting herself access to explore the inside of your mouth with her tongue, isn’t thinking when her teeth clash with yours. she’s just fixing the problem.

sometimes, she thinks that she isn’t a good friend. she ignored you for a stupid guy, and because of her ramblings, she didn’t notice that you were in pain. 

and then she feels something sharp pricking her tongue, and she withdraws in pain. you’re staring wide-eyed at her, breathing heavily as you fumble with your hands to pull a flower out from your throat. it’s a full stem, but it has thorns on it. hanni doesn’t think she saw thorns on any of the ones in the pile behind the two of you.

for a moment, it’s silence. just you and her, staring at each other, staring at the thorned flower that you just pulled out of your mouth. she’s stained the skin around your lips with her peach lipgloss. the next moment, hyein and minji come running into the practice room, take one look at hanni and make inferences about what just happened, and hyein takes you out of the room. hanni swears she sees you trying to say something before you’re pulled away.

minji surges forward and grips her by the collar of her shirt. “what did you do?”

“i—” hanni gasps, trying to get the girl’s hands off of her shirt.

“what, did you do, hanni?” minji growls, pure fury encapsulated in her eyes. it’s intimidating. hanni doesn’t know what she did wrong.

“i was just fixing the problem,” she responds. minji looks deep into her eyes, gaze searching for something that may not be there. then, she swallows hard, releases her, and leaves the room.

hyein sits you down at the company café with a cup of water. minji joins the two of you and sits across from you. you spin the thorned flower between your pointer and your thumb. “i’m going to take the surgery.”

“surgery?” the youngest asks, furrowing her brow. “what surgery?”

you take a sip of the water, feeling it rush down your aching throat. “surgery to get rid of my feelings. for hanni.”

“are you sure?” minji asks, sliding her hand over to cover yours.

you don’t look at either of the girls, just down at the table. “no, but… i have to.”

you haven’t spoken to hanni for two days straight. sure, you’d been avoiding her since she started dating jay, but you still texted her back and you still acknowledged her presence. she’s done a lot of thinking ever since she kissed you. how it was an irrational decision, how she was wrong for kissing you so abruptly, and how much of an idiot she is.

for not noticing your pain, and for not noticing your feelings toward her. 

hanni’s done a lot of reflecting these past two days, reminiscing about the old times and feeling regretful that she ruined your friendship in just two minutes. but because you’ve made no appearances in the dorm, at least to her, she’s been in a plaintive mood; she can’t apologize to you. everyone in the group knows by now—about your condition, and about what hanni did to you.

it’s hard to stay positive when her own members treat her with a different air. haerin can’t find it in her to say anything, hyein can’t even look her in the eye, danielle can’t stop giving her comforting hugs, and minji can’t stop glaring at her.

and so she decides that she has had enough. she can’t find you anywhere in the dorm or the company building, so she calls the manager and asks him where you are.

— “y/n? uh, she’s at the hospital.”

hospital? she doesn’t think twice before hanging up the phone and putting her shoes on.

it was no wonder that everyone in the dorm was gone.

the cold air of the hospital greets her after she steps out of the black management cars, her senses being greeted with that indifferent scent of disinfectant. “i’m looking for a y/n,” she tells the receptionist, words melting together in a fast rhythm, “a cho y/n.”

“she’s in room 106, but she—” 

before the woman finishes her words, hanni’s already bolting off to where you are. she doesn’t need any assistance because you’re staying in the exact same room that hyein was when she broke her foot. unbelievable.

once she gets out of the elevator, she dashes down the hallway, maneuvering around nurses and patients without any apologies, only to come face to face with minji, who is blocking her path. she tries to go around her, to no avail. the taller girl crosses her arms with a stern look on her face.

“let me in, minji,” hanni says, tears welling up in her eyes. she’s so worried about you, and she still needs to apologize. what happened to you? “let me in!”

the cold front that minji put up dissipates in milliseconds, and she’s looking at her the same way she did in the practice room that day. “you don’t get to see y/n. where were you when she needed you most? huh!?”

“i didn’t know!” hanni exclaims, “i wasn’t thinking at the time.”

minji narrows her eyes. “of course, you weren’t,” she spits out, “was there a time where you ever thought about her? did you even want to know? she’s been loving you for years. years, hanni!”

tears are unleashed from the corners of the shorter girl’s eyes. years? 

she’s not given any time to react, as minji shoves her back physically. “and what did you do when you finally found out about it? you fucking kissed her as if it would fix anything.”

she’s never liked arguing. when she argues, she lets her emotions win over her rationality, and it has never done anything good for her. “i was fresh out of a breakup; i was out of my mind. did you,” she shoves minji back, “do anything for her?”

the girl scoffs. “i was the one who comforted her, who helped her through all of this, while you were off playing boyfriend girlfriend with jay. i don’t even know why she kept loving you through all the hurt. you didn’t notice her pain, but i did.”

hanni grits her teeth, pushes past minji. she opens the door to your room with minji following after her, and then she sees you.

“y/n,” she breathes out. you turn your head toward the door, where hanni is. minji’s right behind her, anxiety bubbling up in her head. you can tell in the way her movements are so erratic.

“hey, han,” you smile, intertwining your fingers with hers when she takes your hand in hers. in the back, minji looks away. 

“are you feeling better?” she asks, hugging your hand to her chest.

“mhm,” you nod, eyes crinkling up as you smile, relieved, “it’s as if i never loved you at all. the surgeons sure are impressive—there’s no sign of the flowers at all.”

hanni’s face drops. all the tension in the room has now gone away. “what?”

special menu: bear hugs are perfect for winter staff on duty: kim minji desc: so maybe you're the type of couple that's mushy and buys extra gifts for each other separate from the friend group's gift exchange. so what? the crackling fireplace in the lodge you and your friends are staying at provides cozy warmth, but perhaps a back hug from a human bear would provide more comfort as you unwrap these special gifts.

ദ്ദി◝ ⩊ ◜.ᐟ updates to the schedule will be posted at 12am pst on the day of! . . . stay tuned!