Relatos de Ficción

If you have followed me for any length of time, you probably know that I live in southern Arizona, just a couple of miles from the border with Mexico.  Any time other than broad daylight, you can see the twinkly lights on the border fence from the yard.

I have been hiking here every weekend for the last two and a half years, and it is the safest place I have ever lived by a long shot. Safer than Minneapolis.  Safer than central Wisconsin.  Safer than northwest New Mexico, or a touristy corner of Colorado, or a retirement mecca in northern Arizona. 

As a slow-walking middle-aged woman with a backpack full of cameras, I am fine going out by myself.  My scariest moment was a somewhat creepy neighbor jumping out of the trees to “catch” me when we first moved here, because he thought I might be a migrant. 

but idk

this is alexandrias melon (wow)

it never grows seeds but it can still produce other melons (its magic)

it is grown deep in the jungles of peru and can prevent you from aging well into the hundreds

it is known by the natives there as k’uhul ajaw cacao shi-jiiy.

This is the Peppermeloni. (seriously gosh just look at that sexy mother fucker) Its scientific name is Tumblrous Pepperonus.

The only known specimen is in a pot in David Karps treasure dungeon. It is a tradition that a single slice is given to every tumblr blog that reaches 500,000 followers.

It has the remarkable property of being as healthy as watermelon but tasting like cheesy pepperoni pizza.

Patrickmelon

This is the evermelon.