Some Things Never End

“It doesn’t matter where you’ve been... only where you’re going.”

These are words that I often try to communicate with youth who experienced trauma... but really, it’s important for all of us to understand and practice. Despite loss, heart ache, heart break, devastation, trauma, and damage of heart/soul/mind.... We are in control of what is to come. We are in control of what we will do with what is left. How people treat us is not indicative of what we are worth. The way that people treat us says more about THEM than it does about us. The way that we respond is what defines US. 

The older that I get, the more I realize that love is the only thing that’s real. Surround yourself with people who make you feel loved and feel love. Life is too short to feel taken advantage of. It’s too short to feel worthless. It’s too short to feel judged… especially by the people we CHOOSE to be around. Feel into yourself. What is important? Lose what’s superficial. Reach for what is real.

you’re not running out... you’re really running in.”

I have to admit, I realized how long it had been since my last post and I considered making a new tumblr page... start fresh. New blog. “New me”. 

But I know that the truth is that who I am now is a collaboration of everything that I’ve experienced, all the people I’ve met, all of my past emotions, my thoughts, my fears... and most of all, everything that I’m striving to become. 

So here I am. I am totally comfortable with all that I’ve been. And so grateful that it will contribute to all that I am and all that I will be. 

Thank you all for sharing the journey with me.

To the bands who can always summarize your emotions perfectly 

To the boy in whole foods who stares at you while you work, begging for eye contact 

To the barista who knows that you want a double shot, almond milk cappuccino 

To the cashier who knows your name by now but pretends your name is “ma’am” to act respectful and pretends that the two bottles of wine and bar of vegan chocolate is something out of the ordinary 

To the friends who order you an uber when things get crazy and you hit on the bartender... again.

To the cat who ignores you and makes you feel like you’re never around

To the band who can always summarize your emotions perfectly and makes your heart drop to the floor for the second time... the first being when you actually acknowledged your feelings 

To the boy who laughs at your jokes uncontrollably, makes you feel like a golden medal, and texts you about trying to bring his girlfriend along next time. Again. 

Don’t worry. I’m not banking on marrying you. 

To the books lining the wall who never let you sleep alone

To the heating pad who keeps your warm

To the mug with your dead fathers name on it who celebrates every special occasion with you.

To the rum bottle. 

To the friends who supplied it.

To high hopes. 

I know that we are both spiritual. 

We believe in karma. And dharma. And Krsna. And Spirit. 

But as a lover, I need you to make a pact to live with me...

We are going to die.

We can’t stop it.

We must fight.

Everyday.

For life. To live.

Like rebels fighting the biggest crusade of all.  

I’m begging you to live with me. 

To live FOR me.

I promise that I’ll live for you. 

To live with you.

Every waking breath. 

To explore new territory. 

To conquer our goals. 

To fulfill our passions. 

To go courageously 

into the unknown

It was not long ago where it was a novelty to live in the city... living in the city was sought after... young women strived to live city lives like Carry Bradshaw and nature was seen as ‘dirty’. Now, as the spots of earth and trees dwindle, it’s becoming increasingly more expensive to live in these beautiful natural places. The hermit in the woods is now the poor man in the city ghetto. Everywhere we turn is concrete. We have severed ourselves from the natural world and filled the cracks with cement. If we can not see our effects on this planet now... if we do nothing to stop it, our children will not see redwoods and our dogs will only know faux grass. No water will be pure and no air will be breathable. If we do not stop, even our graveyards will be filled only with cement. 

We are raping the world if continue to enjoy our climbing adventures, hikes, paddle boarding, and do nothing to give back to Her. 

Please, my friends. None of us are more guilty. None of us are more responsible. It is too late to point fingers. We have to ban together and make this change. 

My feet didn’t touch! Promise! Practice makes progress!