Yeah...What Did I Say?

The Body Series: Book 1: [Ch. 1] [Ch. 2] [Ch. 3] [Ch. 4] [Ch. 5] [Ch. 6]

[Ch. 7] [Ch. 8] [Ch. 9] [Ch. 10] [Ch. 11] [Ch. 12]

[Ch. 13]

Book 2: [coming soon]

One Shots: - The Hereafter - Closed Wounds, Open Scars (Prequel to The Hereafter)

Antes de Dejarte Ir (Before I Let You Go) (ongoing but on hold for the time being) [Click on image for original mater list]

You opened your eyes to nothingness.

Lifting yourself off of the ground you could feel a cold wind pushing against your face.  A light but dense fog flowed around you and a dim beam of moonlight shined down from a darkened sky.  Shining around you, almost like a spotlight from nothingness. 

But nothing else.  

There was no barren land.  All you could see was the ground and fog a few feet around you but aside from that, nothingness.

You stood and walked for a few minutes before stopping in your tracks, giving the area a final look before the realization of what must be happening hit.

‘Oh gods…not again.’ You thought.

“They thought they could hide you away…”A voice whispered in the wind, stopping you immediately.

You turned and strained to find where the voice came from only to be met with the nothingness.

“Who are you?!” You screamed into the void, your voice echoing around you. 

You frantically scanned the area again.  Trying your best to keep your panicked breathing to a minimum. 

Nothing.

“This is my body!  You can’t claim it!  I refuse to let you have it!”

“Who are you to refuse?” a stern voice echoed from behind you.

You turned only to have your breath completely taken from you. Your blood running cold in your veins.

There, standing a few yards away was you.  Another you, dressed in the tunic, jewelry, and intricate crown you had been wearing when you found yourself in the field of reeds. 

The other you stood silent.  Not a movement was made by either of you. You with the shock sprawled on your face, an indifferent glare on theirs. 

“Th-this is my body!” You repeated, your voice shaking as you spoke.

The other you did not reply.  Instead she continued to watch you, her glare becoming more menacing.

“Wh-whoever or whatever you are, you have no right to be here!” You called out, your voice more stern than before.

The other you stood motionless for another moment when a sly smile began to overtake their face.

Your face.

They opened their mouth, releasing a deafening roar that pushed and surrounded you.  Physically lifting you back a few feet, causing you to land hard onto the cold ground behind you.

“You insignificant wretch! A god does not ask for permission!  You are the one who has no right to demand anything of me!”

The residual push from the growl resonated in your chest to the point where it started to hurt. Leaving you huddled on the ground, clutching your chest and trying to catch your breath.

You looked up at the figure who began to walk toward you.  Your eyes filled with fear as you continued to struggle.  

“Wh-what is it you want?” You managed to get out.

The figure stopped, a now smug smile greeting you.

“I want you to vacate this vessel!  I can feel the amount of power you possess and I wish to have it for my own!”

“You…you can’t…”

“You are not worthy of such ability and so I wish you to dissolve!”

“I…I won’t…I won’t let you take my body!”  You yelled as loud as you dared.

The sly smile returned to the other you before a low soft chuckle left their lips.

“I see, then a bargain perhaps?  If you relent now your demise will be instant, far less painful than if you continue to defy my will.  Mark my words, insignificant human.  I will have your body and consciousness…it’s up to you how long and painful the inevitable is.”

You bent down, closing your eyes tightly and reaching deep within yourself for the strength to stand.  You returned her glare, filled with resolve and contempt for this intruder.

“Whatever or whoever you are, this is my body!  My mind!  I will not hand it over without a fight…you are not welcomed here!”

The other you took a moment to laugh mockingly, finding your show of strength unimpressive.

“I am giving you a choice you fool!  You would be wise to take it, and in case you have forgotten…you’ve only experienced what my followers can do.”

Just then a large serpent came in from the nothingness, slithering between your legs and making it’s way up and around the other you, slithering up their body.  Resting on one of their shoulders as she began to pet at its head.

“The power of Apophis is nothing compared to what I can do to you.”

The threat resonated through you. The pain you’d been experiencing for the past few weeks was something you’d never felt before and the thought of experiencing worse sent a shiver that fell through your whole body.

But the other option was ceasing to exist.  Nothingness.

Your thoughts raced with the possibilities of what this other you could do.  Even now, you knew that this was all in your mind and yet your body ached from the roar she had sent your way.  

What could be done to you that hadn’t been done already?

It was then that a realization crossed your mind.  

“You’re weak…” you said, the indignation sounding in your voice.

The other you immediately stopped smiling. 

“You dare to challenge me in such a way!?”

“Why haven't you already taken over my body?  Why waste time with a choice?  It’s because you can’t, not yet…am I right?”

The world around you almost shifted and you began to feel a movement coming from the ground.

A rhythmic tremor that felt almost like a heartbeat.

The shocked anger on the other you’s face erupted into a roar that they released toward the sky, overtaking the area around the two of you.  

The wind picked up and circled where you stood, becoming a tornado that began to push against you.

You fell to the floor to keep from being knocked over again.  The pain in your chest returned but as soon as your palm touched the ground the rhythmic sound got bigger and the pain began to disappear. 

It was you…the movement beneath your feet…was you.

This was your body, your will sounding beneath you!  You were the one in control!

You lifted your other hand away from your chest, placing it on the ground, sending a break in the earth that lurched forward to the other you, opening beneath her as soon as it met where she stood.

The other you fell into the cavernous hole that formed.  Her roar echoed as she fell until you could no longer hear it.

The wind ceased and again, all was quiet.

You got up and walked over to the hole, leaning over the edge to see where the other you had fallen.

The hole was dark and deep.  The bits of ground that you kicked into it fell without sounding.  

All around was quiet and again you were alone with the nothingness.   

Suddenly the serpent shot out from the dark, wrapping its body around you so quickly you had no time to react.  

You were helpless as it surrounded you from your feet all the way to your head, closing, squeezing around you and then, again, nothingness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You shot up in bed, taking in a deep, long, audible inhale.  

“Preciosa!?” You heard Jake call out.

You scanned the room around you while you struggled to take another deep breath.

“Está bien, estoy aquí. Calm down and concentrate on your breathing... estás a salvo.”  Jake reassured, taking your hand in his.

“Jake…I…I wasn’t…what happened?  What happened while I was sleeping?  Did I attack you again?  Did I hurt you!?”

“No, no.  We were sound asleep and then you started to convulse.  I tried to wake you up but you stopped breathing.  Your eyes were rolling in the back of your head and I didn’t know what to do.  I kept calling out to you, trying to wake you but you just…”

“Jake…” you whispered, “there’s something happening.  Something I don’t…I need to talk to Thoth.”

“He will not come.” a voice interrupted from the opposite side of the room.

“Khonshu?!  What do you mean he won’t come?” you asked.

The god stood silent for a moment before he spoke again, ignoring your question.

“Tell me, Little Bug, what happened before you regained yourself?”

“¿De qué estás hablando?!  She was having some kind of stroke!  We need to get her to a hospital!”  Jake answered before you placed your hand on his arm.

“I don’t think it was a stroke…” you whispered, taking his hand for support. “I was in a dark place.  There was another me, a me who wasn’t me and threatened to destroy me for ownership of my body.  I was able to stop her but there was a serpent who wrapped itself…wrapped all around me.  It happened so quickly I couldn’t protect myself and then…and then I woke up.”

Khonshu’s body tensed at your description and he let out a worried sigh. 

“Come with me.” he said, reaching out his hand.

“She can’t go anywhere now!  She almost…”

“It is not up to you, Avatar.” Khonshu said. “Come, Little Bug.”

“It’s alright, Jake…I’ll be okay.”

The two of you walked over to Khonshu but before you could take his hand he withdrew it.

“I’m sorry, Avatar.  Just the scribe.”

Jake’s face grew cold and stern.  He didn’t want to leave you, especially after what had just happened. 

“I’ll be back soon.” You whispered, hoping to reassure him.

Begrudgingly he let go of you and in an instant you and Khonshu were gone, leaving him alone in the quiet room.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you rematerialized in another familiar room.  A room you hadn’t seen for over two weeks.  

“Wait, what are we doing in Layla’s apartment?” You asked, panic in your voice.

“Make peace with your friend.  You will need her support.” Khonshu said, disappearing in a breath just as you heard the key turn and the front door unlocked.

Your heart began to race as she entered the room, freezing in place when she laid her eyes on you.

“Y/N?” she whispered.

You didn’t know what to do.  You had no time to think of what to say when she dropped all of her things and ran to you.  Taking you into a tight embrace.

You froze in her hold.  You expected her to kick you out immediately!  You expected her to yell and scream, accuse you of the worst.  You expected her to do anything but what she was doing now.

Your breath faltered, and your eyes stung with the onset of tears.  You closed your own arms around her and there you two stood.

“Layla, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to leave, I…”

“Y/N…Y/N!  WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!” Layla loudly exclaimed, her concern and worry finally bubbling up as she held you at arms length. “You disappear after a fight and I hear nothing from you for two whole weeks and when I reach out to Marc and Steven I get nothing but bullshit single word answers and deflecting texts!”

‘Damnit, Jake!’ You thought.

“You left me so worried!  I searched for you for weeks, day and night!”

“I know! I know…you have every right to be mad…”

“Was it what I said?!  I didn’t mean to drive you away, I just wanted to know the truth!  I wanted things to make sense and I wanted to make sure you weren’t…”

Layla stopped herself.  She caught up with her thoughts and took a deep breath to calm herself.  She didn’t want to make you run again.

“It’s alright, Layla, it wasn’t you.  You weren’t the reason I left…something happened, something I can’t say and I just…”

A sudden large mass instantly materialized beside the two of you.  Landing in the room with a large thud that shook the whole apartment around you.

You and Layla both jumped, letting out simultaneous yelps at the sudden appearance of an eight foot tall hippo appearing beside you.

“Ouch!  I always forget about that little table! Oh…sorry.  I always forget how small your apartment is, Layla.  How are you ladies doing?”

Layla let out a relieved laugh when a sudden realization hit her in the back of her mind.  Her eyes grew wide as she realized  that you weren’t concerned with what had made the noise…instead you had done just as she had.  She realized you could see Taweret.

Layla’s eyes darted back and forth from the goddess that she served and back to you.

You froze.  You didn’t dare breath.

“You can see her?” Layla whispered.  “You can see and hear her…you can see and hear her!”

“I-I…”

“Y/N…are you an avatar?”

“I…n-no I…”

“It’s all right, Little Bug…you can tell her.” Khonshu interrupted, appearing just behind Taweret. 

“My…we’re going to run out of room if anyone else shows up.”  Taweret joked, trying to lighten the mood. 

“Y/N…?” Layla again whispered.

You closed your eyes and let out a long sigh before turning toward the goddess of women and fertility.  Someone you considered a good friend even though your visits had been few and far between.

“Hello, Taweret…” you said softly.

“EEEE!!!” She squealed, leaning down to pick up the two of you. “I can’t believe it’s actually you!  It’s been so long since the last time we were able to see each other!  So this is what you look like, I’m so used to the suit hiding your identity!  Layla’s told me so much about you…I still can’t believe you’re both her friend and the scribe!”

“Wait! Scribe?  What the…p-put us down!”

Layla wriggled in Tawaret’s hold.  Trying to catch up to all the information being presented to her.

“Oh, Layla, calm down.  This is great news!  Now we can all do things together and not just when Thoth asks you to fill in!  We’ll have such a grand time!”

“Thoth!?  You’re Thoth’s avatar!?” Layla interjected. “Wait…if you’re another god’s avatar how can you see Taweret?  I can’t see the other gods! You shouldn’t be able to see the other gods!”

“Oh no…I’ve spilled the beans.” Taweret said, covering her mouth.

You let out a breathy laugh before closing your eyes and willing your suit into existence. 

“Y/N!?”

“I think you need to sit down…I’ll explain all I can.” You tried to rassure. 

“Tell her everything.” Khonshu interrupted.

“What?!” You and Taweret both asked, snapping your heads in his direction.

“Is there someone else here?!  I can’t do this…this is too much!  I just got out of work!” Layla rambled on, plopping down onto her couch.

You stared at Khonshu who continued to watch from where he stood.  Was this really happening?  Were you actually given the okay to finally share everything you’d been keeping secret?

“It’s Thoth’s decree…tell her everything.” Khonshu instructed.

“Everything?  Even about…your avatar?” 

“Everything…” he replied.

Your heart was racing.  You should feel relief knowing that you didn’t have to keep everything a secret anymore.  At least to someone you knew you could trust.  

‘Finally! This is what you’ve always wanted!’ You tried telling yourself, but something in the pit of your stomach wouldn’t let you relax.  There was something more to this that you just couldn’t figure out yet.

Something that made your heart begin to race.

“Y/N?  What’s going on?” Layla asked, looking as if she was going to pass out at any moment.

You took in another deep breath and allowed the bandages that covered your face to disappear.  You let your actual features take hold and went to sit beside Layla, finally letting yourself tell her everything you’d been keeping a secret.  

How you’d been there for all the major events long before her and Marc took on their duties as Avatars. How you could see all Gods and how you cloaked yourself to keep your identity secret. 

You explained where you had disappeared to that last night you were in her apartment and why it had taken you so long to return.  You told her about your title as Thoth’s scribe and all the responsibility that came with it.

What was most important, you were finally able to admit why you had pulled back and why it may have looked like you were sneaking around.  You admitted everything, especially your relationship with the third identity.

You admitted you weren’t cheating…but you were.

“Oh my…you poor thing.  I didn’t realize you’ve had to keep so much to yourself.” Taweret said after you’d finished, reaching over to lift you up into another hug.

You could always count on Taweret to be supportive and wished you could have confided in her more than you were able to.  

You looked over at Layla who sat quietly.  One of her hands covering her mouth as her leg bobbed up and down quickly.  The shock and confusion on her face making you worry.

“Layla? Layla, please say something.” you asked.

“Layla?” Taweret whispered, putting you down.

“I…I don’t know what to say…I honestly would have never guessed you were an Avatar.  Marc!  Have you told Marc…or Steven?  Do they know?”

You shook your head.

“Why haven't you told them?  This would clear up so many things they’ve been worrying about!  You have to tell them everything!  Tell them about this…Jake!  They deserve to know!”

“No!  Layla, that’s one thing you can never do!”

“Jake is a part of them!  How can you even entertain the idea of keeping him hidden from them?”

“I would tell Marc if I could but he can’t know he’s still bound to Khonshu.”

“Wait!  Marc is still bound to Khonshu!?”

“That’s why you can’t tell Marc.” Taweret whispered, finally understanding. “The binding…it’s because of the binding.”

You nodded before returning your focus to your confused friend.

“Layla, it’s of the utmost importance that you do not tell Marc about his third identity.  It could undo all of time if he knew he was still bound to Khonshu.” You pleaded.

All of this was almost too much for her but as Layla fought with her own morals she looked over at you.  Your worried face was enough to calm her.  Enough to put her nerves at ease. Enough to let her know it was the right thing to do to keep Jake a secret.

“Okay…okay, I won’t say anything, but…you.  You had to keep all of this a secret this whole time?  And with me hounding you over the past couple of months to tell me the truth!?”

You let out a breathy laugh and nodded while the tears began to well up in your eyes again.

“I am so sorry, Y/N.  I’m so sorry I made you feel so guilty about everything.  No wonder you pulled back.”

Layla brought you in for another hug. 

She finally understood.  Everything made sense and you knew that things would be so much easier because of it.

“Little Bug?”

“Yes, Khonshu?” You said, lifting your head from Layla’s shoulder.

“Khonshu?  He’s here?

“Taweret, Little Bug…you are being summoned.”

“Me?” Taweret exclaimed, not sure why Thoth would want to speak to her at this time as well.

“What? What is it?” Layla asked.

“We…we have to go.” You said, the pit in your stomach growing.

“Wait!  You drop all of this on me and then you leave?  How can that be…”

“Don’t worry, Layla.  I’m sure this will all make sense in a moment and we’ll be sure to inform you when we return.” Taweret tried to reassure.

“Ladies…” Khonshu said, extending his hand out to you.

“We’ll be back soon.” You repeated, taking Khonshu’s hand and rematerializing in a place that you had never been.  A place that simply took your breath away.

You were surrounded by blackness, but not in the same feeling of nothingness you had found yourself this morning.  You were in blackness but you were also surrounded by millions of constellations and stars that shined all around you as they moved.  You were in awe of the beauty of what can only be described as being in the very cosmos themselves.

“Where are we?” you whispered.

“Oh, no…this can’t be good.” Taweret exclaimed, just as the stars began to turn and move around the three of you in an unnatural way.

“What? Where are we?”

“We’re in a room of holding…we only come here if we’re not meant to be on earth.  It’s like a hiding place.”  She explained. 

The stars twisted and turned as they converged together to shine their silver and blue tones.  Coming together to take on the form of Thoth.

He was standing before you but he was glowing in a silver and blue hue.  As if he wasn’t there at all but you were looking at a hologram.  

You stared at your ruling god but instead of the usual want and need to be respectful you felt a deep rage begin to grow within you.

“Taweret, thank you for coming…Scribe…” he said, his voice echoing in the space around you.

“Where have you been?!”  You yelled up at him.  No longer feeling the need to hold in your feelings.  “I was nearly killed in that shrine!  My body was broken to the point where I couldn’t move, unable to use my abilities and you were nowhere!  Where were you!?”

Thoth said nothing.

“Y/N…” Taweret whispered.

“No!  Haven’t I been loyal?  In all the years of service I’ve only had one minor indiscretion and you…you refuse to even see if I’m okay?”

“Coming to you carried too much risk.”  He said, his voice remaining calm and monotone. “Even now I cannot be in the same space as you…”

“I am so tired of all of this! What could possibly be happening that you have to be kept away?!” 

“You do not understand, Scribe.  I felt it as soon as you were touched.  I heard it in your screams and I had to make the choice.”

“You’re not making sense!” you yelled out, “What choice?!”

“The choice to let you succumb to the curse in the shrine.”

Again your breath halted.  

“You…you were going to let me die?”

Thoth nodded.  

His cold, unfeeling response felt like a knife had been plunged into your chest.  In all the time you served him he had always been kind.  Always made you feel like you weren’t just an avatar to him.  Like you were important…like he cared about you.

“Th-then why?  Why was I saved?  Why did you bring me out of the shrine?” you whispered, your disbelief sounding with each word.

“I did no saving…it was Khonshu who disobeyed me.  A choice that was made and a punishment that will last him till the end of time.”

You turned to the other god, who looked down at the floor. 

“Khonshu?”

“Enough! Time grows urgent! It is because of Khonshu’s choice to disobey me that dire measures need to be passed.  Measures to keep all of time and existence safe from a possible second coming.”

Thoth’s voice boomed as he continued to speak.  

“What are you…”

“You carry her within you, my Scribe.  The curse that flowed through you that night carried more than just the wrath of Apophis…I felt it as soon as it connected with your body.  You became a vessel, a carrier capable of bringing her back to the realm of the living.  Back from the banishment bestowed onto her.”

“Who!?  Who are you talking about?”

“Ammit.”

Your blood ran cold.  Taweret gasped behind you while Khonshu stood silent.  No doubt already knowing the truth.

“A-Ammit?”

“You carry a piece of her within you.  The only piece that exists in this realm.  She is the one who has been taking hold of your body.  She is the reason for your blackouts and your outbursts.  I denied your healing ability in hopes of stopping her strength but soon, I feel, soon she could be strong enough to take hold of your body fully.”

“You…I can’t…”

You struggled to find your words but nothing came out clearly.  

“What does this mean, Thoth?  Can’t she be helped?  Can’t Ammit be banished back to the forgotten realm?”

“No…we are lucky she is still weak but she has to know…”

“Know what?”  you interrupted.  Your voice is soft and quiet.

Thoth stood silent.  He knew that what he was about to say would carry more than he could possibly understand.

“She knows the only way to fully bring her back is to reconnect her link to Khonshu.  If she is able to do this she will be able to tap into all of your abilities as my scribe.  I will be helpless to stop her.”

“But the only way for that to happen would be…”

“Would be for your Marc to become aware of the third identity…so it is because of this you will no longer be permitted to see your Marc and Steven.  You will never be able to see them again.”

Your breath stuck in your throat as Tawaret gasped beside you.  Your heart sank into your stomach and you could feel your knees buckle beneath you.  Had Taweret not placed her hands on your shoulders you would have fallen to the floor.

“No!  You can’t ask that of her…not after everything she’s been through!” Taweret insisted.

“It is too dangerous for her to be permitted to see them.  Ammit could take control and tell Marc of the remaining identity and reconnect the bond!  It is too…”

“No…” you whispered, interrupting Thoth and finally finding your voice again, “No…no…NO! I refuse!  I’ll never agree to that!  I - I renounce my duties as your scribe!  I’ll give up all of my abilities and power!  Take anything from me!  Take my voice, take my ability to move, take anything you want from me!  My tongue, my legs, my hands…take all of my senses I can’t…”

“It is already decided, my Scribe.  Taweret, go and deliver the decision to your avatar.  Tell Layla that she can never speak of the third identity and it is up to her how to deliver the message to the other two.”

“Layla has to tell them!?” You interjected.

“Thoth, this is cruel.  None of our Avatar’s deserve this.” Taweret tried pleading, but was only met with a raised hand to silence her.

“Go…I will not repeat myself again.”

“No!  No!  Don’t go!  You can’t do this to us!” you pleaded, holding onto Taweret’s arm. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered, disappearing in the blink of an eye.

“Khonshu?  Khonshu, please!  You can’t let this happen!  There has to be a way…please help me, I’ll do anything!” You cried, turning to the other god.

“I have lost the ability to deny Thoth, Little Bug…even if I wanted to, I cannot change what has been decided.”

With that he also disappeared, leaving you alone with your ruling god. 

“I understand your resistance, my scribe, but I am also nothing if not a fair god.”

“You call yourself fair?” you screamed at him, the rage being too much for you to bear. “You left me to die, you just ripped away the two people I care about the most and you call yourself fair!?”

“ENOUGH!” Thoth bellowed, causing you to falter, “My patience wears thin and I am in no mood to show you leniency!”

Thoth closed his eyes and let his own anger settle before continuing.

“I understand your grief, Scribe, so, because of this I offer you the remainder of this day and night  with the third identity before you will no longer be allowed to speak to him as well.”

“No…” you whispered.  Your breath shook as it left your body.

“You have until dawn the following day. Now go…use your fleeting time wisely.”

With that Thoth waved his hand and you were again standing in your home.

“Preciosa?” you heard Jake whisper from behind you.  

“Jake?” You called, wanting to run to him but finding it impossible to move.

Instead, Jake ran to you just in time to catch you before your legs finally gave way and you fell to the ground.  Your loud sobs sounded in the flat through your hands that now covered your face as Jake held you in his arms.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That final day was both a blessing and a nightmare.  The hours lingered on, no doubt one final kindness allotted to you from Thoth.  Allowing the hours to linger rather than pass quickly.  

Once you’d stopped crying you spent the rest of the day with each other.  Trying anything you could think of to get your mind off of the impending deadline.

You had gone out for a walk.  You went to your favorite ice cream place.  You cooked a meal together. 

The day was perfect although the two of you said very little.

The night had brought with it so much and while you wanted to just lay and cry Jake helped to lighten the mood by taking you in his arms and dancing with you.

Slow dances, quick ones, he even tried to teach you how to dance a salsa and merengue, although most of the time was spent laughing at how much you tripped over your own feet. 

Now the two of you lay beside each other.  Staring deep into each other’s eyes and again, not saying a word. 

Jake let his thumb lightly trail over your cheek as he held onto your other hand.

Your eyes still stung from the tears you had been crying throughout the day.  

Laying here beside him was both agony and the only thing you wanted.  Being too scared to ask for more.  

“What time is it?” you asked.  Your quiet voice laced with the pain you were feeling.

“It’ll be dawn soon…” Jake responded.  His own soft gravelly voice sounded with the pain he was feeling as well.

“I can’t do this…I’ve lost the loves of my life and now…now I’m expected to lose you, too?  I can’t…I won’t…”

“You’ll never lose me…I’m forever yours, mi Preciosa.  Con toda mi vida y corazón.”

You smiled up at him, your breath hitching in your throat ready to turn into another sob but you were able to swallow it down again.

Jake stared down at you.  He had never felt this helpless and the guilt within him was extra heavy in this moment.

He struggled with his own demons and all he wanted to do was be honest with you.  Even in these final moments.

“Preciosa…I need to tell you something.  I don’t want to hurt you any more than you are, but you need to know.”

“What is it…?” You whispered.

“That night…the night Marc woke up while you were…while you were with Steven.  It’s my fault that happened.”

“Jake…?”

“I was being summoned and I woke up with you…I woke up with you.  Just as he had felt, I was in an experience I never let myself dream could be a possibility.  I was with you…I was finally with you and I let it go longer than it should have and in my haste to leave I allowed Marc to front instead of Steven.”

The golden rays of the rising sun began to shine over the distant horizon, shining hues of yellow and orange onto your ceiling.

You looked into Jake's eyes.  What he was saying should have angered you.  It should have made you want to push him away.  Yell, hit, hurt him like you had hurt…like Marc had hurt.

Jake watched as you closed your eyes.  The tears streaming down your face but nothing more.

He knew he had hurt you.  He had done so much to you over the past years and he was ready for whatever you were going to do.  Whatever you were going to say.

He needed to be strong… for you.

“Jake…” you whispered, finally opening your eyes to look at him.

“Si, mi preciosa?”

“Jake…kiss me.”

He wasn’t ready for that, hesitating in the moment.

“Kiss me…please.” you repeated.

Jake came in, gently pressing his lips to yours.  Where his kisses were normally rough, eager,   he now kissed you with a gentleness that only comes with the knowledge that it will be your last.

He wrapped his arm around your waste and brought you flush against his body.  His warmth being something that broke your heart as you felt it.

As the two of you kissed, tears streaming out of your closed eyes.

“Jake…” you whispered in between your gasps and moans, “Jake I love you.”

“Preciosa…” Jake responded when suddenly, in an instant, you were gone just as the sun began to fully rise in the distance.

Jake lay alone in your bed.

All was quiet.

He turned to lay on his back, staring up at the wooden beams above him.  

There he found the little winking and blushing hearts you’d painted for Marc and Steven and finally noticed the third heart you’d added onto a small piece of canvas so it can be taken down.

A little angry heart with a flat cap on. 

Jake sat up, the anger bubbling inside of him as he stood up and  overturned the kitchen table onto the floor. 

He grabbed his coat and walked out.  He didn’t know where he was going, his blind anger getting the better of him.

God help anyone who crossed his path. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You opened your eyes to the dark blackness of the stars.

The cosmos moved around you as you floated in its void when Thoth’s image came into your peripheral view.

“I truly am sorry, my scribe.”

“Please, Thoth…just…leave me alone.” You requested.

With that Thoth disappeared and you curled into yourself. Quietly crying, your tears falling from your cheeks and floating away from your face into the vast nothingness of space.

You had finally gotten your wish.  You were able to tell someone the truth.  The truth about who you were and what you had been hiding.  You were finally allowed to share everything and yet…yet you were left feeling only emptiness.

A weight had finally been lifted only for your whole world to come crashing down.

~~~~~~~