Your favorite unstable girl

My dear wife,

I am aware of the promise I made to you on my last letter, the promise of not writing to you unless I had information I could not withhold.

I must rely on you the kind of news I would never dream about giving you, let alone by a letter. This is something I would love to tell you face to face, yet I find myself away from you and unable to move away from King's Landing.

If I am being honest, I was about to make my way to you, praying to the Gods to allow me safe enough travels to see your beautiful face again, though they made themselves abundantly clear that I would not see you anytime soon.

Twice I tried to get on a boat and go beg you on my knees for forgiveness. Twice I did not even made it outside the Red Keep.

There are impediments at the moment that do not allow me to reunite with you, and I might have been selfish about even thinking about going to Dragonstone even when I promised you time but I cannot bear to be away from you any longer, my love.

A sickness has struck across the kingdoms, it is mentioned to be as strong as to perish the strongest of men in less than half a day.

We tried to control it before it struck harder on King's Landing, it had only be reported to cause struggles within Lannisport and Old Town. We got too confident, trusting the Gods would spare us long enough to make our way to you. That is right, I was taking my children with me, looking to protect them from the sickness, as per orders of the King.

I failed again, that is everything I can say on the matter, there is no longer explanation. I failed you, I failed my children, I failed my family and I failed the Kingdom.

I failed at something as simple as protecting my family.

Valarr fell ill, just as we were leaving to get to you, he was trying to be strong, to not show wavering in his step, yet at the last moment he fell into his knees, too weak to keep himself upright.

He refused any help from us, demanding only a Maester would help him. He claimed he was not going to let any harm come to any of us, that we should refrain from helping him stand or be carried to his rooms.

Oh, my brave boy. He is all alone right now, laying on his bed while the Maesters try to help him. He has not complained once, I am told. We are not allowed to be in the same room as him, only offering him comfort from far, talking to him through a wooden door.

There is no other thing that I want to do more than to be there, holding him, helping him through his fever as I did when he was little. It's breaking my heart to know he could slip through my fingers at any given moment.

I should not be thinking that way, I am aware. Valarr is a strong young man, he will be nursed to health, I know it deep in my bones.

He has asked for you, in middle of his fever, so the Maester says. I am told he had asked for his wife, his brother, even for me, but your name and Jenna's are there too.

He is calling for his mothers, both of them. You are his mother too, I hope you are aware of such.

There is a chance that I would not see you ever again, and this is not the way for me to tell you what I am about to write in this letter, I should be there telling it in person, begging on my knees, crawling behind you while you refuse to listen to me… none of what I suspect would happen soon.

I love you, simple as that. I love you with all my heart and I know I do not deserve to write you this, I do not deserve you at all, yet my heart calls your name at every turn. It cries your name, damning me for hurting you while trying to burst out of my chest and get to you.

You are not a replacement, I know you believe it to be that way and that I put that thought deep in your head when I asked for Jenna after I woke up. You are not Jenna nor do I want you to be.

I married her for duty and I did love her, but you… you I married for love. I had no obligations whatsoever to the crown, I had my heirs and I did not require a second wife but the moment I saw you… Gods, I knew I was going to marry you.

That night in the gardens, I thought you were married, why wouldn't you? A beautiful, kind woman like you unmarried? That could not be possible, yet it was. I do not recall how did I get lucky enough for the Gods to allow our paths to cross.

Then you met my family, everyone loved you instantly, even Maekar who's not known to warming up to anyone. My kids, those two young lads that had lost their mother, I saw them cling to you, it didn't matter that Valarr was old enough to be married himself, he opened his heart for you.

And that is the effect you have on people, they grow to love you even when it seems impossible. Gods, I am a lucky man to be married to you, I am also the stupidest man in the Seven Kingdoms, failing you again and again. If I see you again, I promise I shall try to earn your forgiveness, to give you everything you need and desire.

I need to ask something of you, and only because I would like to think I know you it is that I am daring to do so. Do not come to King's Landing, stay where you are safe, roads would most likely be closed for orders of the King. Everyone at Dragonstone should receive their orders any moment now. I have ordered for Dragonstone to be closed to anyone, no harm should come to you or Aegon should you listen to my instructions.

Do not go out, do not treat with any fishermen that make their way to the shore, do inform the Maester of any and all illness you may feel. Protect yourself and protect Aegon, I shall do my best to protect those who are with me here.

I will be informing you of any changes regarding Valarr, I promise this to you but in exchange you will not risk yourself and you will not come to King's Landing. Yes, you are a woman who does not fancy to be told what to do but in this case I am asking you to be mindful of your well-being first and foremost.

I hope I can see you again in this lifetime, my Love.

I love you and I miss you more than I can bear.

Yours always,

Baelor.

A gasp left your mouth as soon as you finished reading his letter, your shaky hands flying to cover any heartbreaking sounds that could follow after said gasp, your eyes were flooded with unshed tears. You did not want for Aegon to see you in distress, he was training with Ser Duncan while you kept an eye on them.

Valarr is sick.

That's what kept flowing through your head, your hands shaking while you tried to find a solution as if you could cure him from the distance.

He is sick and I am far away from him. From them.

You had to do something, you could not stay still and calm after the information was shared with you. Baelor had asked you to not travel to King's Landing, he was too aware of how your mind worked, you did not know whether you should listen to him or discard his words entirely.

Deep down you knew you will not sit idle while waiting for news of better or worse condition on the health of your son, nor would you wait for dreading news to reach you.

But how? How could you get to King's Landing safely? All roads and docks would be closed and it would be extremely hard to get to the Red Keep, that is if you did not catch the sickness along the way.

Knowing Baelor as well as you did, you knew he would have everyone in the staff fighting you in a moments notice if they noticed you wanted to show your head outside.

A world of thoughts and plans were running through your head, trying to find a solution so you could go be with your family in their time of need.

You could not let them to go through it alone, less of all, you could not do that to Valarr. You wanted to by with him, offering him comfort as he did when you needed it.

“…Auntie?” Aegon's little voice snapped you out of your thoughts.

Focusing your gaze back on them, you could see both of them staring at you with worried expressions. “I apologize, I was lost on my mind" you shook your head, forcing a smile upon your face “What were you saying, Egg?"

Aegon shared a suspicious glace with Ser Duncan before looking back at you “Is everything alright, Auntie? You look distressed”

Without fully noticing it, you were gripping the letter tightly in your hand, crumpling it in an attempt of regaining some resemblance of control over the wave of emotions that threatened to spill at the moment.

You tried to calm down, grounding yourself just enough to avoid scaring Aegon. Realistically, he is not someone to be scared as you have known other children to typically be, yet that did not erase the fact that he is, after all, a child.

"Your Uncle Baelor has written to me” you informed after a few breaths "He sent word to share with us news that affect the Kingdoms” facing Aegon, you mustered your warmest expression, trying to reassure him "There is a sickness that spreads fast yet he assures me that it should not reach us if we follow his instructions”

"What kind of sickness?” Aegon dared to ask you, his voice instantly growing worried.

“In truth, I have no knowledge of what it is" You confessed after a few seconds “I am merely told that we must take care of ourselves and do not leave the castle"

Aegon nodded but his eyes did not part from you, as if he was trying to see the details you were leaving out in your eyes.

You knew the boy was a bit too perceptive for his age, he was smart and most of the time knew how to obtain information from his eldest. In your eyes, it was a result of how his older brothers were and the lack of his mother in his life.

Too bad for him, you would not have intention of sharing with him the rest of news Baelor had written to you. It was not Aegon’s place to be worried by something he could not resolve.

With a heavy sigh, you waved both Aegon and See Duncan away "Go freshen yourselves, I shall see you both at supper”

Aegon knew your tone very well— Ser Duncan was starting to recognize it too—, it was the kind that meant you were not willing to talk further at the moment, so instead of fighting you on it, they both nodded and disappeared inside the castle walls, leaving you alone.

You did not want to worry them, especially Aegon but you were too nervous to sit still. Rationally, you knew you had to stay in Dragonstone, Baelor had asked for you to remain there but the other part of your mind— the irrational one— wanted got you to get on a boat and get to King's Landing as soon as possible.

The question was; Could you really do it alone? Could you get to King's Landing safe enough to see your family again?

It was tricky, of course, theoretically you knew how to get there but roads and shores were closed, Baelor had told you as much. If you decided to go, it would be definitely tricky… but not impossible.

With that thought in mind, you made your way across the castle of Dragonstone to knock on the Maester's chambers. You waited patiently for the door to be opened.

When you finally heard the squeaking sound of the door opening, revealing Dragonstone’s Maester on the other side.

“Ah" he smiled at you, he was a nice old man “My Lady, I was reading Prince Baelor's letter just now. Have you gotten yours?"

“Yes, I have" you tried to smile back at him but you were sure it came out as a grimace.

His nice smile fell slightly "Terrible news, I know” he shook his head "Is there something this old man can help you with, my Lady?”

You took a deep breath before nodding "I need a map”

“A map?" He parroted in confusion.

"A map” you confirmed "Of Westeros, I would prefer if it is of The Crownlands"

The Maester blinked at you for a few moments, not quite understanding the need you could have for it. “My Lady, I—" he shook his head while trying to find words “May I ask, what need do you have for it?"

You tilted your head, your expression firm “I am set on finding a good use of my time here, I believe teaching Prince Aegon of geography is one"

A frown adorned the crinkled face of the Maester "That is what I am here for, my Lady, to teach the young Prince”

“Still" you brushed him off “I would like to do it myself"

“But, my Lady—"

You raised a hand, stopping the Maester “I am not asking for counseling, I am asking for a map. Do you have one or not?"

The old Maester blinked for a few seconds before nodding “I shall look for it and send it your way as soon as possible, my Lady"

“Very well, Maester" you mustered a emotionless smile towards him “I appreciate it"

Without waiting for a response, you turned on your heels and started walking away. You had to get everything ready for supper later, even when it would be hard to hide your true intentions to Aegon and the knight, however, you had to try.

…

Supper went relatively quiet, you could feel Aegon's worried gaze set on you, as if the child was trying to read your stony face for the information he lacked, while Ser Duncan did not bother with trying to instigate information out of you, feeling that, if you needed him you would reach out to him.

To be honest, your mind was miles away, pushing the food around in its plate while you thought about those who were far from you.

Was Valarr too sick? Was he in pain? Suffering or alone?

Was Baelor alright? Was he mourning his first son already? Was he lost in his mind, blaming himself for it?

Too many questions, too little answers. You never had been a woman who fared in darkness, you needed to know, to see if they were alright.

“I shall retire to my chambers" You informed your company with a quiet murmur, pushing yourself from your chair.

Aegon's little frown was a warning, he was about to start questioning you "Is everything alright, Auntie?”

Gods, he is too young to be that perceptive.

With a tilt of your head, you faced him fully “Everything is fine, my sweet boy" you mustered a smile as best as you could “Nothing for you to worry about"

His little hand tightened around the fork he was holding “You do not seem alright, Auntie"

"Aye! Do not be rude” Ser Duncan's words were quick, correcting the young Prince.

Shooting Ser Duncan a quick glance, thankful for his guidance on Aegon's attitude "Everything is perfectly fine, Egg”

You could tell he did not believe you, but he did not push either, merely nodding at you with an expression of frustration etched in his face.

You walked to him, lowering yourself by his side to be eye to eye "Sweet boy” your words were full of warmth as you brushed his head, where his hair was still short but noticeable "Believe in me, I will solve and manage whatever trouble there is at the moment, you shan't worry”

"I know there is something you are hiding” His words were almost a murmur, laced with the kind of anger that only came from the thought of wanting to know it all.

A smile grazed your lips, trying to help him trust your next words "Perhaps I am, regardless, you should trust I am telling you what I consider it is right for you to know”

“You are treating me like a child!" Aegon's little voice was full of petulant displeasure.

“You are a child, boy!" Ser Duncan's words called from the other side of Egg, reminding him that, no matter how grown up he liked to act, he was still a child.

“Trust me, Egg" you guided his face to look at you “I will tell you everything when I see it sensible to do so, not before"

You were met with silence on his part, the fight leaving his body when you refused once again to inform him of what was really transpiring across the Kingdoms.

With a sigh, you stood up “Go to sleep, Egg" you ordered warmly, kissing his forehead.

A quick glance followed by a nod was all that you shared with Ser Duncan before you retired to your chambers.

Only one thought plagued your mind while you walked the cold and dark halls in direction of your chambers; You had to find a way to get to King's Landing.

It was not optional, you had to do it.

Once you entered your private chambers— those you shared with Baelor after your wedding— your gaze quickly fell onto a pile of books and sheets that laid on the table, most surely the Maester listening to you and getting you what you needed.

Without a second thought, you made your way to the table, rummaging through everything that was there, deciding what you could use and what was of no importance before settling on a chair in front of it.

You had to find a way.

Hours passed while you scanned and observed and learned about the isle and its different ways out.

There was the way you got to the island both times; by traveling the sea, a journey of a couple of days by boat. It was not likely to do, all docks were closed and you were pretty sure the guards of Dragonstone had orders from your husband to prevent you to even reach a boat.

Another option was to sail towards Rock's Rest and make your way on horseback all the way to King's Landing, though you were not sure it would be a great idea, given it would take you too long to get there.

Or you could sail to Driftmark, then in direction to the Kingswood, but again, unlikely for the dock to be unguarded.

Or you could… yes. You could travel across The Gullet, towards Sharp Point, probably buy a horse there and make your way to King's Landing across the Kingswood, avoiding the Kingsroad. It was your better chance, the wood would give you enough coverage to travel without encountering the sickness.

It would be tricky, you were sure of that. A woman alone, traveling the Kingdoms? You would be lucky to make it in one piece.

As you were tracing on the map, your ears could not help but perk up at the intruding sounds of… something in the room.

You did not move, trying to identify where the sound was coming from without looking up. You could hear hushed voices, they were hiding away somewhere in the room, and you knew who would be interested on pulling something like that.

“I know you are there, Aegon" your voice cut through the chambers, your gaze still focused on the map.

The stillness and silence was immediate, sharp and only rivaled by the sound of the cracking fire. A few seconds passed before Aegon made himself known, a sheepish expression lacing his face.

Your gaze was set on him as soon as he was in sight, an eyebrow raised while you took him in. Aegon was wearing his nightwear, looking even more childish. It was refreshing, seeing him look adequately his age.

"You do know it is rude to eavesdrop, Ser Duncan?” your voice was firm, even motherly while you chided them. You knew Aegon was not alone.

You observed Aegon squirm, finding himself caught— Ser Duncan as well— they really thought they could get away with it.

A few moments happened and you could not hear movement from the place where Ser Duncan was hiding, he probably was afraid to face you.

"Come on out, Ser” you said firmly “Might as well, you have already been caught"

A few seconds passed before you saw the shadow of the tall man show itself. His face was a deep shade of red while lowered to the ground, no doubt distressed about being caught.

You hummed, your fingers thumping on the wood table while you stared at them. “Would you be so kind as to explain yourselves?"

Both of them looked beyond embarrassed and sheepish, they had no intention on getting caught, though they were not good at staying silent either.

"It was my idea” Aegon informed you "I wanted to see what were you hiding, Ser Duncan merely came to try to talk me out of it”

You believed it, of course you did. You knew Aegon's curious nature a bit too well.

"I hope you do know it is wrong to spy on others, Aegon” with a firm voice, you kept staring at them, your expression bemused.

His little head dropped to his chest, a faint flush painting his cheeks and ears “Yes, my Lady. I know"

"I do not condone you doing this, Aegon. It Is completely unacceptable”

"Yes, my Lady” he answered obediently.

Your gaze now settled on Ser Duncan's form “And you, Ser." a shake of your head told the Knight all he needed to know “I expected better of you, after all, Aegon is a child but you are the one in charge to teach him about honor not indulge him"

“He tried to stop me—" Aegon's voice cut through the air in the chambers.

With a lift of a hand, his words died in his mouth, choosing silence when he saw your unwavering expression.

“It was wrong of me, my Lady, I am aware of such" Ser Duncan said, slouching to try to appear less big, though that was an almost impossible task. "I will accept any punishment you deem fitting”

With a huff of air leaving your lips, you stood up "That will not be necessary, I do not believe in punishments” you started putting the maps away "However I do believe that both of you know better and that this would not happen again, under absolutely any circumstance”

“Yes, my Lady” Both of them answered at the same time.

That almost got you to smile. Almost.

You let the silence set for a few seconds, your gaze firmly set on two heads bowed down in shame. "I must know, what did you find out while you spied on me?”

It was obvious they knew, their frames tensing was answer enough.

Your gaze focused on Aegon "Well? Speak, what do you know?”

Aegon eyed Ser Duncan before looking at you once again, you could see his chest inflating with a deep breath as he prepared to confront you "You are planning to travel to King's Landing”

You sighed, focusing on them "What else?”

“That you are not planning to travel traditionally there, mostly because of the closed docks" Aegon's voice was telling you he knew everything.

In the corner of your eye, you saw Ser Duncan shift slightly, uneasy, as if he wanted to speak.

“Do you have something to say, Ser?"

He hesitated before nodding "Indeed, my Lady” Ser Duncan took a deep breath before continuing "I shall say, I do not believe that traveling by yourself it is the smartest decision”

You stayed silent, prompting him to continue.

"I swore an oath to your husband” he continued "I swore to protect you with my life if necessary, I won't let you travel alone, my Lady”

“That is not your decision to make, Ser" your voice was sharp, feeling cornered.

“It is not" Ser Duncan agreed with your words “But I have orders, my Lady. I will not allow any harm to come to you"

Your gaze flickered to Aegon for a moment “I cannot risk Aegon, you should protect him"

"I will protect both of you” Ser Duncan bowed his head "You can either stay here, in the safeness of Dragonstone or you can let me join you in your travels”

“No" you said firmly, clenching your fists “You will stay here with Aegon. That is an order"

The tall man shut his mouth, he could argue that you were intimidating when you were furious.

A beat of silence stretched in the room while you kept organizing the table where you had been working.

“You are not from the Crownlands, my Lady" Ser Duncan's voice cut through.

That give you pause and you turned to look at him “I am not" you confirmed “What about it?"

“You do not know the roads"

A scoff left your lips, offended "I have enough knowledge and a map”

"Still, if you do not know the terrain it could be dangerous enough, you could get hurt or lost” He offered, his voice soft while trying to coerce you to agree for him to accompany you.

Turning to fully look at him, hands on your hips, you raised an eyebrow “And I suppose you do know the roads, Ser?"

"He does, he has been teaching me about it!” Came Aegon's little voice, defending the Knight.

You silenced him with a sharp glance, you were not happy with any of them.

“The lad is right, my Lady." Ser Duncan nodded “I am a hedge knight, I know the roads, I know how to navigate them and I can get you to King's Landing safely"

“I will not allow Aegon to be in danger, Ser" your voice, though firm, held uncertainty in it.

"Well, I am not staying here alone while you go to see our family” Aegon murmured under his breath.

“Retire to your chambers, Aegon” you said firmly, massaging your forehead in frustration. “Now"

The little boy knew to thread carefully by your tone of voice, he merely nodded and did as you said, leaving you and Ser Duncan alone.

"The lad is worried, my Lady” Ser Duncan defended Aegon's actions "I hope you do not take at heart his acts and words”

You moved across the room, reaching for two cups and the canteen, pouring wine in both cups.

“I do not have any children of my own" your voice carried across the room while you poured the wine “but sometimes I feel like I am a mother to my husband's children and his brother's"

"I believe they do see you as their mother, my Lady” Ser Duncan's words were kind, laced with the understatement of what he had seen in his time around the royal family.

You smiled softly, warmth lacing your expression even in your time of worry "I am glad to have them, gray hairs and all”

Ser Duncan matched your smile, nodding softly. He looked almost boyish, reminding you, once again, that he was close in age to Valarr.

You moved, offering him the second cup of wine, which he shook his head at the offer.

"I insist, Ser” You prompted softly.

“I appreciate it, my Lady" he shifted from foot to foot “Yet you should not waste expensive wine on a poor hedge knight"

You shook your head in amusement “Ser, you are no longer a hedge knight, I think we've already established that. You serve House Targaryen"

"Even so, that wine is not for the likes of me”

"Yet I am offering it to you, it would be rude to not take it, though I will not force you” Either way, you settled the cup in front of him, an offer should he decided to take it.

After taking a seat, you took a sip of the wine, the flavory taste reminding your mind that you were not need to be as tense as you were, allowing you to relax for the state of stress you had been since receiving Baelor's letter.

"King's Landing” your voice cut through the silence you found yourselves in "How would you manage to get there without being stopped or killed?”

You needed the man's insight, even if you were not willing to allow for him an Aegon to join you, you knew he could offer you knowledge for it.

Ser Duncan shifted his stance slightly, just before you signaled a sit for him to take. “You want to avoid the dock of King's Landing”

“Yes, my husband informed me in his letter that it would be closed, as supposedly is the shore of this island"

He nodded in thought, you could see his mind working hard, trying to find a solution for the problem you were presenting him to.

“I guess your plan is as good as anything I could offer” Ser Duncan agreed with the knowledge of your plans he already had from his spying with Aegon "Traveling by boat to Sharp Point, it would take less time, a quick journey”

You offered him a nod, in silence, prompting him to continue with his train of thought. The man was capable enough, you were sure of it, he had managed to survive the trial in Ashford, and he had indeed traveled most of his life. If someone knew how to survive roads, was him.

"Then buying horses to continue, it would take a day or two to make it far enough to the Kingswood” He pondered, his gaze unfocused as he thought of the possible scenarios that could happen.

“And what would you suggest once the Kingsroad is reached? It must surely be closed as well" That question was what haunted you the most, you did not know how to travel outside the roads.

For a brief moment, his response was a mere hum, before he focused his eyes on yours once again “Avoid it, the journey must be complete by staying far enough from the Kingsroad, I know a way" He informed you, his eyes held a twinkle of something close to recognition “Ser Arlan took me once through the Kingswood, far from the road, said it was easier that way, not too many hungry bastards that'd try to rob us"

A shadow of red coloring painted his cheeks as he realized the crude language he had used in front of you, not proper at all "I- I apologize, my Lady, it was not my intention to be that crude”

With a flicker of your wrist, you waved him off. In that moment, you cared little for pleasantries and property, you needed information.

"Then you do know how to get through the Kingswood while avoiding the roads?” the question left your lips with an expression of curiosity, your eyebrows raised in question, prompting him to answer you.

"Yes, my Lady. I do”

“Very well" You practically jumped off your seat, moving to rumble through the papers you just put away, until you find the one you were looking for, grabbing a quill as well. "You shall draw the way in this map”

You saw the refusal in his eyes as soon as you settled the map in front of him.

“My Lady, I can't—"

"Oh, but you will, Ser Duncan. This an order” Your words were firm, even sharp, you were not open to negotiate.

Heat started rising in his cheeks and the tip of his ears, while he looked down in shame. "It is not that, my Lady” His words were a mere murmur, his head low "I do not know how to read maps, I would hate to send you the wrong way”

You forced your expression to remain unchanged, you wished not for him to feel judged. Somehow, you knew the man could not read, the life of a hedge knight was not one rich for education, though hardly any life outside royal families was.

“What you are saying it is that my only option to make it safely to King's Landing is to take you with me, Ser?" You questioned, a growing headache already making itself known to you.

The knight nodded bashfully "I do think it would be the safest way, my Lady”

"What if we caught the sickness, what then?” Your question was full of worry, not entirely for you but for Aegon, should he travel with you.

It was plain, you could either stay there, ensure the safety of Aegon or you could travel with both Aegon and the Knight. It was the options you had, you knew as much. And as much as you would like to stay put, you did not have that nature, not when your son was sick, with no promise of health or that you would see him again.

“I could deal with any people we need to, I would buy the horses and food," Ser Duncan proposed “While you and Aegon wait in safe places and apart from there, we shall travel together at a distance"

You tilted your head in curiosity, contempt lacing your features. That could work, the risk existed either way, that was for sure, but his suggestion was a ray of sun in a sky full of clouds. A ray of hope.

“That does not sound completely insane" You murmured, more to yourself than to him, sipping on your wine.

"I am at your service, my Lady” with a bow of his head, he reminded you "Shall you decide to travel, I would travel by your side and protect you”

A sigh left your lips, your mind and heart divided by the complicated dilemma you found yourself in at the moment.

“I have a lot to think about, Ser" You stood up, finishing the wine in your cup before settling it on the table “I shall see you in the morrow"

Ser Duncan stood up, his large frame blocking the light from the burning hearth in the room. "Of course, my Lady” he offered you a nod of his head, bowing in respect "Sleep well”

“Likewise, Ser" you said back, your gaze following the man until he was outside your chambers, the door closing with a thud after him.

The silence in the chambers once the man left was… defeating. You felt divided between what had been asked of you and your own desires.

A growing pit in your stomach was reason enough for you to gulp the second cup of wine— the one you had poured for Ser Duncan— while staring into the dancing flames of the hearth.

Deep down, you wanted to believe that everything would be just fine, that the letter and its contents was merely a test from the Gods, a dream, even. You wanted to got to sleep and wake up with the same feeling that had joined you since you stepped foot on Dragonstone; that feeling of anger mixed with heartbreak. Of course now your heartbreak was for a completely different matter.

The discarded crumbled map on the chair across from you, the one where you had traced your planned route, was calling your name, as if telling you to do it, that you could do it.

The Gods would not be that cruel as to keep punishing you, even after all you went through, right? You do believed them to be merciful enough to allow you to reach your family without a scratch on your body.

Would Valarr hold on enough for you to get to the Capital, was another question, one loaded with uncertainty. He had to hold on, you would not let your mind wander farther from that thought, he had to live.

Suddenly another thought crossed your mind. What if Baelor was sick too? The mere image of that had a shiver crawling up your spine, he could not let you. He could not be sick, he had to wait for you to properly chew his head off.

Of course you distanced yourself from him though it doesn't mean you don't love him or care for him anymore. You did, more than you would let on at the time. Your plan was clear before; travel to Dragonstone to have some peace and clarity, send word for Baelor to travel to meet you there, talk it out and scream at each other, resolve our differences and go back home with him. That was not happening any day soon, you realized.

Now you were going to go against everything that had been taught and asked of you, following your own feelings on the matter, wanting to be there for those of your family who need it and even for those who don't.

With your mind made up you settled your empty cup on the side table, walking to your closet to change into your night clothes. You had to rest properly if you planned to move as soon as you wanted.

…

The next morning came quicker that you would have wanted it to, announcing itself it the light filtering through the windows. You laid in your bed, staring at the ceiling while the light hit you in the face, you had not been able to sleep as much as you wanted it to but the few rest you had would have to be enough.

With a determined sigh, you called for your Lady's maid so she could help you get dressed. You had to go looking for Ser Duncan.

Once dressed, and after looking for the Knight in a lot of places, you found him on the shore, staring into distance, his back was at you.

“Good morrow, Ser" You made your presence known a few feet from him.

"My Lady” He made quick work of facing you, bowing his head in respect.

“I have been looking for you, Ser Duncan" you informed him, coming to a stop next to him.

"I apologize, I merely intended to grab a bit of fresh air” Ser Duncan told you, his expression bashful.

You waved him off gently “Do not worry, you are allowed to do so" your eyes settled in the moving water in front of you “I have made my decision, Ser"

He stood by your side in silence, his eyes settled on you as he waited for you to reveal what had you decided.

“We travel" the firmness in your voice told him everything he needed to know “Today, if possible"

Ser Duncan did not respond, merely nodded.

“We need to get everything we need ready, we travel light and comfortable" you started listing off everything that has plagued your mind since last night “We need to find someone who would get us out of the Island without Dragonstone guards noticing"

Spearing a glance towards the man, you noticed he, apparently, knew something you did not.

“What is it, Ser?"

His hand was already scratching the back of his neck, a nervous habit "I already arranged for a small boat to take us to Sharp Point, my Lady”

"That was what you were doing here?” you asked him, receiving a nod for an answer. "What time did you settled with the man?”

“By mid-day" Ser Duncan informed you “We shall see him on the farthest shore from the Castle, he will wait for us there"

You blinked at him a few times, stunned "Thank you, Ser” your mind started running, trying to identify what you need to had done before mid-day. "Could you get Aegon while I take care of something?”

His response was immediate “Of course, my Lady"

You started walking side by side back to the Castle, of course he had to slow down a little for you to be able to keep up with his long strides.

The way back to the Castle was filled with silence on both ends, each of you lost in your own minds. Yours was plagued with uncertainty, with worry and a bit of hope everything would go fine. Really trying to focus on positive thoughts was becoming a hard task for you, even when you have always been someone hopeful, past events had the effect of letting go of it a little.

Once you entered the Castle, each of you went on your separate directions, trying to get everything ready before parting. You had a lot to tend to, besides readying a bag with utterly important things only, you had to be sure you would have food and write to your husband.

Yes, you would have to write him a message, either way, when he would receive it you would already be on your way, nothing he could do but wait for you.

Once you stepped foot into your room, you saw your Lady's maid already there, taking care of something you had no time nor care of what it was, your mind set in the important matter at hand.

“Good you are here" You smiled at her, trying to appear as composed as you could “Ser Duncan, Prince Aegon and myself are going riding in a few, would you be so kind to ready a bag with a lot of food?"

Seeing her confused face, you quickly added “You have seen how big Ser Duncan is, have you not? I swear that man could eat his weight on food”

She nodded, pleased with your explanation, because he was indeed a big man “Of course, my Lady"

"Thank you!” You called at her as you rummaged through your coffers, trying to find clothes comfortable enough for your upcoming travels.

After discarding a lot of dresses, you settled on a plain dress you liked to wear when you had nowhere to go and no person to face, it was comfortable and made you look… free. You included your riding attire under the dress, you had to be prepared. Least of all, comfortable worn out shoes and a light hooded cloak would be part of your attire, helping you hide your face and shield you from the chilling wind that was sure to hit you once in the open.

On the corner of your eye you noticed a worn out letter bag, probably Baelor's or someone else's, you did not care, grabbing it before starting to grab what you needed; gold coins and whatnot.

With the passing time your confidence started to grow, your hope too, you wanted to see your family, that was the only thought in your head.

A knock on your door signaled the presence of someone “Come on in!" you called while looking for a piece of paper to write your brief letter to Baelor.

The creaking sound of the heavy wood doors informed you the person was shyly hovering in the entrance of the chambers.

Lifting your gaze from where it was settled, you saw Aegon there, looking sheepish.

"Oh, Egg!” you smiled at the child "Come on in, sweet boy”

You saw him hesitate a little before stepping forward, he was already dressed resembling the attire he used back in Ashford, pretending to be a simple kid, not a Prince. You could also notice he was holding a blade in his hands.

With a tilt of your head, you asked him "What is it, Egg?"

He glanced down at his feet “Ser Duncan told me we are going to King's Landing…”

You nodded, prompting him to continue “Yes, that is true"

"Would you shave my head?” He asked you, his voice small "It is best if people do not find out of my status and my hair gives me away”

A soft smile broke on your face “Of course, sweet boy. Come, sit down" you pulled out a chair, signaling for him to sit. “Let me get soap and water, wait here"

Once you returned with everything you needed, you settled everything down while Aegon fidgeted in his seat. You noticed his nervous habit, of course you did.

"What is plaguing that little, wonderful mind, huh?” You asked him, tapping his head playfully.

“What has happen back in King's Landing? Is- is everyone alright?” His question was full of fear and worry, feeling lost about the lack of knowledge he possessed on the situation.

"Oh, Egg” you said softly, moving to kneel in front of him, lowering yourself to face the afraid child. "Something has happened, yes. Valarr has fallen with the sickness” you informed the child, but seeing his distressed expressing you quickly added "He is alive but sick. That is the reason for my impatience to travel”

“Everyone is alive, then?" Aegon dared to ask you, knowing you did not have the heart to lie to his face.

You nodded, a reassuring smile on your face while you held his hand “As far as I know, yes"

The little breath his body released in relief was noticeable, you could see him relaxing immediately “Good, that is good"

"Yes, that is good” You agreed, standing up to get behind him once again, reaching for the soap "Are you ready?”

He nodded eagerly, his energy changed completely from the moment he entered the chambers to then “Yes, please, Auntie"

“Stay still" you warned softly as you got to work, wetting the soap and adding a generous amount to his barely hair-covered head.

While you worked with the blade in his head, you hummed a soft song, focusing on not cutting the boy. Little by little you could see the little child you saw that day in Ashford, it was as if having no hair to tie him back to his House lifted a weight from his little shoulders.

Once you finished with the shaving, you started drying his head "All done, little one” you informed him proudly "I must admit, I did a good enough job”

Aegon looked at you with a smile before practically sprinting towards the looking glass in your chambers, staring at his reflection in there, admiring your work. You could see his hand running across his now hairless head, inspecting it and relinquishing on the feeling.

“Thank you, Auntie" His voice was grateful, fully satisfied with the result.

"You have nothing to thank me for” You smiled at him before nodding at the door "Now, go find Ser Duncan and wait for me with him, alright?”

"Yes, I will” He nodded, quickly rushing out the door without looking back.

You could not hold back the chuckle that left your lips after seeing his energetic self and how he looked in better spirits that before.

With a shake of your head, you forced yourself to go back to looking for a piece of paper and a quill, you needed to get your message for your husband written as soon as possible, before it was time to get going.

Once you found it, you were quick to scribble down what you needed to say in short sentences, enough for Baelor to know what you needed him too. You made quick work of folding it and sealing it before grabbing your bag and shearing a dagger under your cloak, ready to leave.

On the corner of your eye, you noticed some sparkling that caught your attention.

It was the ring, that ring Baelor had made for you when he leaned you were pregnant, the one he sent with his first letter, same one you had refused to wear.

Picking it up, you inspected it for a moment before putting it on and with a last glance, you left your chambers, making your way to deliver the letter to the Maester so he could send a raven to Baelor.

…

Once you took care of everything you needed to, you left the Castle with the same excuse you had given to your Lady's maid; you were going horse riding with Aegon and Ser Duncan, exploring the island and you would be gone most of the day.

No one suspected a thing, not the guards or the Maester. You took care of bribing a stable boy so he could go grab the horses from the place where you would safely left them and bring them back.

Everything was easy enough, maybe even too easy, soon you were encountering the fisherman that would take you to Sharp Point, he looked like a trustworthy enough man, friendly too. Though neither you or Ser Duncan lowered your defenses, carefully staring at every move the man made.

The journey from Dragonstone to Sharp Point was fairly quick, reaching from one place to another just as the sun was disappearing into the horizon.

I am coming, Baelor.

…

Back in King's Landing, Baelor Breakspear Targaryen was fairing absolutely terrible, he could not sleep and worry was eating him alive. He spent hours hiding away in his solar, thinking about his boy and the sickness that threatened to take him away from him and into the claws of the Stranger.

He lamented the way he was forbidden to be by his son's side, he yearned to hold his boy, try to lower his fever and console him as he did when he was but a babe. But he couldn't, and that was eating his soul.

It had been two days since, by his calculations, you had received his letter and yet he had not received a response.

He could only imagine your reaction to his letter, to the news you received in the form of his writing. It was something he was reluctant to write at first but you had a right to know.

His heart cried for his son, who would call for you in his fever, hoping to be comforted by you but lacking your warmth and comfort.

To make matters worse, his father had also fallen sick with the same sickness Valarr had caught, ending in the King being isolated while he fought the fever and the Maesters pampered him. That left him in complete charge of the matters of the Kingdom, Maekar helped as most as he could but it was a grueling task.

The only comfort Baelor found in the whole ordeal was that you were safe, away from him but safe. He would take the win, even if his whole world apart from that was falling in front of his eyes.

It was past the hour of the Owl when a knock in the door snapped him out of his head, calling for whomever was on the other side to enter his solar. Once the door opened with a shrieking sound, he saw a maid with her head low and a resemblance of letter in her hands.

“Your Grace" she bowed respectfully “Master Yormwell said to bring this to you, a raven arrived today. For you"

The kind maid waited until Baelor nodded before crossing the distance from the door to his desk, extending her hand to give him the letter.

“Thank you" Baelor said honestly through is tiredness “You may retire"

With a bow, she left quietly, closing the door after her.

Once he found himself alone, Baelor allowed himself to glance down at the letter, instantly recognizing your seal. Good, a response of his letter. At least he would have your writing as a newfound comfort.

He leaned back in his chair while ripping the seal off, unfolding the letter with the utter care.

The handwriting on the letter was rushed and messy, not at all the way you used to write, that was his first sign something was wrong.

He forced himself not to panic, taking a deep breath before focusing to read the letter.

Baelor,

I know that you must be surprised by this letter, as I had never answered your past one, but this time it was important to write back.

By the time you receive this be sure I would already be in my way to you, I am ready to part as I write this.

I know you asked me to remain here but the truth is; I couldn't, not when I know of Valarr's condition, not when I know you are at risk too and there is a possibility we are not to see each other again. I cannot remain still.

This is a short letter, a mere warning, if you'd like to call it that.

I am coming, I shall arrive soon if the Gods show me mercy, I am traveling with Ser Duncan as my guard and Aegon.

Wait for me. I am coming, Husband.

See you soon,

Your wife.

Once Baelor finished reading, his form was tense, the letter crumpling in his hold as he tried to remain calm. You were infuriating when you set your mind to be, but he could not deny that he knew you a little too well to, deep down, know you would pull something like this off.

Standing up from his chair, he walked in direction of the window, staring at the darkness outside in the direction of Dragonstone.

“I am waiting for you, you stubborn woman" He whispered into the wind, hoping it would travel long enough to you. 

do not copy, reupload, translate or feed to artificial intelligence.

©yawnlovescookies.

The air around you felt heavy, almost as if it was warning you of something you could not quite place. It was a strange how a simple feeling could nag your mind for the rest of a day or a week.

You liked Dragonstone, that was plain for all to see, but even some days you could feel like you were drowning; despite of where you were and the company that surrounded you.

Today was a bad day, you woke up feeling stranded, without hopes of leaving your bed, yet you forced yourself to not fell down that hole.

You knew what to do, how to manage these kinds of downs whenever they presented themselves to you; forcing yourself to distract your mind.

A change of scenery was all that you needed, doing something outside the stony walls and a good conversation could do it for you.

“I wish to go riding for a while" you informed Ser Duncan and Aegon while you broke fast “Would you mind to join me?"

Ser Duncan was quick to lower the spoon that was about to connect with his mouth, clearing his throat “Of course, we will go with you, my Lady"

"I have my lessons” Aegon said reluctantly, knowing that you were not happy when he missed out on them. “I cannot go with you, Auntie"

“Oh! That is correct" you murmured, now realizing your wandering would have to wait. You did put Aegon’s education first “That is fine, we can go another time"

Aegon did not like the way your face fell when you learned that he could not join. “I am sorry, Auntie"

You waved him off with a smile that did not quite reached your eyes, the kind you used to mask your real feelings. "Do not worry, Sweet boy, I will go read for a while. Riding can wait”

But Egg knew better. He was a little too perceptive for his age. “Perhaps Ser Duncan could join you, Auntie?”

At his suggestion, Ser Duncan's gaze snapped to the boy. It was not like he was afraid of spending time with you— or afraid of you in general— but he felt like he had no business to be in the presence of a Lady such as yourself.

Yes, you were always so kind towards him, except for that time when you were grieving your daughter so freshly, but he felt like you did not trust him nor you wanted him there. He knew his presence had been forced upon you, that maybe him joining you to Dragonstone was merely to have Egg join you as well.

You shot Aegon a smile, grateful for his input “That it is a great idea, Egg” you looked at Ser Duncan, whose eyes were shooting daggers at the child "But I am sure Ser Duncan is busy training later"

“I am sure he is not" Egg insisted, ignoring the glances Ser Duncan was shooting at him “He can join you, can't you, Ser?"

The man had no option than to accept reluctantly, nodding towards you with a tight, fake smile “Of course, my Lady. I will escort you"

…

Ser Duncan insisted on him being the one to ready the horses, he prepared a beautiful white mare for you and a hazel brown horse for him. Both of them were tame and friendly, calm and steady.

Once you mounted and started to ride away, you had hoped that Ser Duncan would follow by your side, but no, the man decided to follow a few distance behind, as a lurking guard.

“You know, Ser" your voice cut through the whispers of the wind that surrounded you “I do not bite, I am as friendly as these horses"

“I know, milady" was his answer, he offered not other words.

"Why do you think I invited you to join?” Your voice was gently, genuinely curiosity lacing your tone.

The question took him by surprise, not knowing how to respond “To guard you?"

You hummed softly, one of your hands caressing your mare's mane "Perhaps, but I enjoy company and conversations as well”

“I- I am sorry the lad could not join, but he is adamant of not disappointing you" Ser Duncan quickly muttered, his words trampling over one another.

Silence followed his words for a few moments while you allowed yourself to enjoy the view around you. If there was something you liked from Dragonstone, you could firmly say it was its views and tranquility. There, despite the constant storms and cold winds, calm was something that reigned, allowing you to hear your thoughts and form any resemblance of relaxation, too different from court.

You pulled at the reigns of your horse, stopping her calmly, waiting for Ser Duncan to join you side. He did not, he merely stopped his own horse a few steps from yours. Sometimes, the man was a little thick, but again, he was a man. They always needed things to be explained for them to hear or comprehend, you had learned as much.

“Ser, would you be so kind as to ride next to me? I like company and conversation" You asked him finally, too tired to keep hinting at him what you wanted. “On contrary to beliefs, I am not a woman who enjoys solitude"

“I believe it is not proper —" he started saying, like a parrot, a phrase you had heard a lot since you had found yourself in his company.

"There is no one here, Ser” You interrupted him, waving your hand dismissively “And I merely intend for us to resemble some kind of friendship, nothing more"

The tall man tilted his head, making him look like a lost puppy "Friendship, my Lady? I am nothing but a hedge knight”

A smile grazed your lips, it was not the kind you used when you found something amusing, rather the one that tugged at your lips without thinking about it; a kind smile. "Oh, but you are not a hedge knight anymore, are you, Ser?” you waited for the realization settled in him "You are now serving House Targaryen, remember?"

You could see how speechless the man was, obviously realizing for the first time that he was, indeed, a knight. Simply as that. He was not a hedge knight anymore.

“And that means" you continued, your expression kind and reassuring "that you answer to those from House Targaryen, am I wrong?"

“You are not wrong, my Lady” He was quick to respond. "I do think you are hardly wrong”

A small laugh left your lips, a sound rich and amused "That is the first time someone admit the truth of it"

He offered you a small smile, his teeth barely showing. It made him look young, something difficult given the volume of the man that he was.

With a tilt of your head, you dared ask “May I ask how old are you, Ser?"

"I am 20 years old, I believe” He answered you in honesty.

You could not believe your ears, you knew the Knight was young, of course, but you could not believe he was Valarr's age. Ser Duncan did look older than his real age.

With a few blinks of your eyelids, you quickly regained your words “You are my son's Valarr age, you look older” a pause "though I suppose your height has something to do with it"

Ser Duncan offered a embarrassed smile, his cheeks tainted with a faint shade of red. “So I am told, my Lady" he looked away from you, not being able to manage holding your gaze for long.

You returned his smile with one of yours, though the one you offered was filled with kindness and some traces of maternal warmth. Learning that he was as old as Valarr did something to your heart. You already had a soft spot for the Knight and the newfound information only softened your heart further.

"You are really young” You observed "Your face does give you away, that glint in your eyes too"

"You are too young to have a son my age, my Lady" he said bluntly, quickly blushing when he realized what he had blurted out "I- I mean no disrespect—”

A soft chuckle left your lips “None taken, do not worry" you paused, staring at him a way that showed him you were not bothered by his comment “Your words are indeed true but my husband's children are not mine by blood and I am indeed a few years younger than my husband"

“Oh, that…” he scratched the back of his head, looking down from your observing gaze “that makes sense"

“Come" you said, gripping my the reigns tight and heeling your mare to start walking "Let us enjoy a ride while we talk"

Ser Duncan offered a nod, now riding a bit closer but still maintaining some distance from you.

You could not help but notice how fit he was to be a Knight. Apart from the physical aspect that was in truth intimidating, he had that kind of unwavering loyalty, plus his noble intentions. It was almost sealed that he would serve House Targaryen for many years to come.

It was a while before any of you muttered a word, both too lost in each of your minds.

However, you could clearly hear the thoughts and questions swirling in his mind. He was curious but he always refrained himself from asking, from being too forward.

You decided to break the silence after a while “You can ask, Ser" a nod and a smile was sent his way “I will answer to the best of my capacities"

He quickly shook his head, “No, milady. I have no questions"

"I believe you have a lot of questions, Ser” you responded in amusement, he had so quickly denied that he could have hurt his neck. “In truth, I do not mind if you do ask"

Ser Duncan sighed slightly, apparently weighing his options, trying to convince himself to keep his mouth sealed but at last, his curiosity won. "Have you and Prince Baelor been married for long, my Lady?”

You offered him a smile, forcing your mare to slow her pace to match the one of Ser Duncan's horse "Good question” you praised his curiosity.

You liked when people was curious but not prying, being a curios people yourself. The Gods know there was only one way to satisfy your nature of good intention curiosity; by asking questions.

"We have not” you answered with a soft smile "It has been a really short time since we got married, though I am grateful I managed to be received well by his family”

He nodded with a soft smile, mirroring slightly your own. "If you do not mind me asking…” he waited for your encouraging nod to continue "You say that Prince Baelor is a bit older than you, have you been married before, my Lady?"

You offered him a shook of your head, the smile not leaving your lips "I have not, I was basically a spinster when I met my husband”

Ser Duncan blinked at you, surprised “Oh"

A smile graced your lips at his reaction “Oh, indeed" you chuckled "My House is not one of the biggest or important on Westeros, it was not easy to strike a marriage deal." you explained him with a soft voice “My parents did not mind but they still tried for me to find some sort of happiness, I guess”

"How did you met Prince Baelor?" Ser Duncan asked you, his inhibitions finally deciding to give in favor of curiosity.

"We met at a gathering in King's Landing, I was hiding in the gardens and he found me" a nostalgic smile grazed your lips while your gaze focused on the landscape in front of you. "We found ourselves intrigued with one another rather quickly" you chuckled softly, shaking your head "Three moons later, we were married”

“I always thought the marriages of high born Lords and Ladies were merely driven by political interests?” He asked in a cautious voice.

"Most of the time, they are” you nodded along, your eyes meeting his for a few moments "Though in this case Baelor had been married before, he had served his duty and King Daeron allowed him to marry me without so much as a fuzz"

Your conversation with the Knight draw long, talking about the most ordinary things and some a bit more complex. The time away from the castle helped you clear your mind, find some resemblance of peace.

Ser Duncan was a refreshing man, that much you had known since the moment you set your eyes on him, now learning that he was Valarr's age had something within you awakening, a strong feeling of teach him, guide him and make sure you do everything in your power to protect him.

Yes, you were aware that he was a big man, yet he was still so innocent to a lot of aspects of life, making you feel like a mama bear, the same way you felt about Baelor's sons as well as Maekar's children.

Sharing the day with Ser Duncan, your mind could not help but wonder to thoughts of your family, of your husband and children. Yes, Valarr and Matarys were your children, as far as you were concerned, it didn't matter if your age was a tad closer to Valarr's than to Baelor's or that you have not birthed them, you could and would give your life for them without second guessing yourself.

You just hoped they were alright, you knew it was not like they needed you, but they had you regardless.

…

“A sickness? What kind of sickness?" Maekar asked, his posture on the chair far from proper.

The Small Council was reunited in its chambers, everyone at present having been called on by Baelor as soon as he got the news of said sickness.

Present was King Daeron, Queen Myriah, Maekar, Valarr and Baelor, as well as the rest of the Small Council.

“The only thing the letter from the Maester at the Citadel said was to be careful, it is a sickness that can bring the strongest warrior down in half a day" Baelor's voice was foreign to his own ears, blood rushing and dread settling in his chest.

It was not the first time they had to gather for a matter resembling the one at hand, though the air at the moment reeked of something more than smoke and candle wax. It reeked of something rooting, of insecurity and knowledge of things too far for them to handle.

"What are our options?” Asked Queen Myriah, her tone laced with worry.

“Close the roads as everyone has done, avoiding for the sickness to spread” Baelor murmured from his place at the table.

“What about the docks? Merchants and fishers would try to come here to sell their products” Valarr pointed out, bringing the fact to the other's attention.

"That would present a problem” Maekar murmured, slugging in his chair, receiving a scolding look from his mother.

Baelor rubbed his forehead, his mind swirling with ideas for trying to find a solution of the problem at hand.

“We close those to, station guards to avoid any entrance of people. We cannot let this sickness to extend" King Daeron suggested, his already aged face looking more wrinkled in favor of stress and concern.

“What about your Lady wife, Baelor?" Queen Myriah asked her oldest in concern, knowing her Good-daughter was practically alone in an island far from them.

Baelor clenched his jaw, not wanting to think of you alone in Dragonstone “I will send word for Dragonstone to be closed, the sickness will not reach her"

The chambers of the Small Council fell silent, everyone could see the sheer passion Prince Baelor held for his wife, how set he was on protecting her for any kind of harm.

"Mayhaps that could be a solution” Maekar murmured after a few moments of silence "Dragonstone, I mean”

“What do you mean, Maekar?" King Daeron asked, his head slightly tilted to look at his youngest.

“Dragonstone is far safer than King's Landing" Maekar said with a shrug, as if it was obvious “Perhaps it would be wise for you to go there" he said directly looking at King Daeron.

“A king must not desert his people in times of crisis" King Daemon said firmly, his voice not leaving any room to discussion. “Though I must admit, you might not be wrong, Maekar"

A frown was etched in his younger son's face, as well as in many others in the room.

“What can you mean, Grandsire?" Valarr dared to question.

“While a King must not desert his people, I believe my duty it is to protect the stability of the Realm." King Daeron stayed silent for a few moments, weighting his options “My heirs must be put at safe. Baelor and Maekar," he turned to look at both his sons, his gaze full with the softness he reserved for them “you shall take your children and travel to Dragonstone effect immediate"

Various complaining voices were heard as soon as King Daeron uttered those words, of course his children did not want to leave him in King's Landing and leave for Dragonstone, they thought him insane.

"We will not leave, Father” Baelor voice was firm “We stay together as a family, you want to send the children away, that is fine" he shared a look with Maekar before nodding “but Maekar and I are staying"

King Daeron smiled at both of his boys as if they were still little, "Oh, but I am not asking as your father, my boys. I am commanding you to leave for Dragonstone as soon as possible.”

Baelor clenched his jaw, he could not go against his King's wishes. Maekar, however, had a very different opinion on the matter. “Fuck that, we are not going anywhere!"

Maekar could instantly hear a lot of chiding around him, he payed them no mind. They should be used to his blunt mouth by now.

“I am your King and I am commanding you to do something, Maekar!" King Daeron’s voice was firmer, staring at his youngest son dead in the eye. "I will not risk you or your children”

“But you will risk yourself!" Maekar threw back at him “You are the Crown, you are the one we must protect!”

“No, I am already old and if I die it would make no difference” King Daeron exclaimed firmly “My sons and grandchildren are the future of the Crown. I need to secure my heirs’ security"

“Make no difference, he says" Maekar murmured in anger “Of course it would make a difference!"

“I am destined to die sooner than later, you still have years on you.” King Daeron's words were firm, coming from a place of utter love "You are to still meet any grandchildren you are gifted with”

"Grandfather, we could stay here, help manage the crisis that is set to come” Valarr said with diplomacy and calm, trying to convince the King.

King Daeron held one hand up, halting anyone's words before they dared to even open their mouths "I have made my mind up” he turned to look at his wife, Queen Myriah "And you shall take your mother with you"

“Absolutely not" Queen Myriah's words were sharp and firm, facing her husband with her chin raised high. “I am staying with you"

"My Dear Sun—”

“Save your sweet words, Daeron. I am staying by your side" Queen Myriah said, cutting off her husband.

After a few moments of staring into her brown eyes, King Daeron finally nodded, knowing there was no way to winning that argument against his wife.

He then turned to address his sons "As for you, my mind has not been changed. I want you and your children to part for Dragonstone in no longer than two days”

King Daeron stood up, a clear signal that the meeting was adjourned, Queen Myriah following him, not before shooting her sons a gentle smile.

Once the heavy doors of the chambers were closed, Maekar turned to glare at Baelor "You cannot agree with him!"

"I don't” Baelor confirmed, a sigh leaving his throat “yet there is nothing that I can do to change his mind"

"You are his Hand, you are supposed to offer him your counsel!” Maekar snapped at him, furious with the arrangements— rather command— their father had set up on them.

Baelor collapsed on a chair, already too tired, with too many thoughts and emotions messing his head "I offered my counsel, but not even I can refuse an order from my King”

Everyone who was still in the Small Council's chambers could see the toll it was taking on both brothers to listen to King Daeron's orders. It was a hard decision, yes, but they could not say they disagreed. Those who had feelings on the line were the ones having a hard time accepting it.

Every Lord knew it was a smart move, having the heirs in safety meant securing safety for the Realm after hard times that were set to come.

"Maybe I could persuade father for me to stay back with them” Maekar murmured deep in thought, more to his brother than to anyone else still in the room "After all, the direct heirs are you and your children”

“I do not think father is going to bend his arm to your will this time, Maekar. Have in mind that his concern is not only for the Realm" Baelor's voice was calm, even if beneath the calmness everything that was feeling at the moment was hiding.

At his brother's words, Maekar left out a heavy groan, knowing he was right. "I despise when you are correct”

“What heaviness of such burned" Baelor murmured, massaging his temples to try to release a bit of the ever growing pressure in his head. “We must prepare, we part for Dragonstone in two days time, as ordered” he said to his brother and eldest son.

With reluctant nods, everyone left the Council's chambers to ready whatever it had to be prepared.

Baelor followed suit, but instead of going to his chambers, he went on towards his solar. He had been avoiding his chambers ever since you left, in his eyes, there was no reason for him to be there if you were not with him.

Besides, his haunting nightmares were persuasion enough to be away from there.

Once in his solar, he took upon himself to respond to matters that had to be tended to. Yes, most of that responsibilities had fallen under Maekar when he was set to leave for Dragonstone to apologize, but since he was not able to follow as planned, he might as well finish them.

He worked on his duties for hours, not stopping to even glance up, he needed to get his mind away from worry and other concerns or he would explode. Besides, it was his way to fight sleep, keeping focus on things that really needed it.

Sooner than later, all those sleepless night caught up to him, leaving him feeling tired and drowsy. He tried to fight against it with all his being, though it was proven impossible.

He started to snooze off on his chair, his hand still holding the quill that he was using to respond to Lord Tyrell’s worrisome letter and soon enough, sleep pulled him to darkness.

…

A dark room. Entirely dark, except for the single lot candle.

It was all Baelor could see, it did not matter if he moved, if he walked; he reached nothing. It was never ending darkness that surrounded him.

He kept walking, looking around, holding the candle. Hoping to reach something, someone, somewhere.

It was futile, there was no one there with him, he was alone.

“Hello? Is there someone here?" Baelor heard himself asking into the silence.

No sound could be heard, even when he kept calling at the darkness.

He kept on walking, hoping to find something more than darkness.

A flickering light caught his eye, it was far but there. It was as if it called his name.

Baelor decided to follow, looking for a clue of where he was. The air around kept him feeling weary and alert, as if waiting for something bad to happen.

Once he got closer to the light, he made sense of the figure; it was an old woman holding a lamp.

She was staring at him under a hood, though he could not see her eyes, he could feel them settled in him.

“Baelor Targaryen" the woman called, her voice firm and void of any gentleness. " You have failed them”

His breath hitched, staring at the woman with fear.

“Them?" he dared ask. He knew who she was referring but curiosity still got the best of him.

She started walking, prompting him with a wave of her hand to follow her. With each step, their surrounding began lightening up, showing light from candles and from the sun.

"You failed them” She said once again when she finally stopped, he could feel her gaze on him again.

The old woman moved, showing to him what she meant for him to see.

In front of him, a heartbreaking picture.

He could recognize the room, it was the chambers were you reside in Ashford Meadow, you were sitting in the bed with a white night gown. There was a handful of people around you but all he could focus on was you.

You, with your hair messed and damped, face flushed. Sweat ran down your face and neck. The looks of you were ones of pain, your brow scrunched up and your breathing labored.

You were screaming something, you were screaming at someone…

“You failed her" The old woman repeated her words once again and Baelor could finally make the resemblance. She was the Crone.

He could recognize her now, the face of the Crone of the Faith of the Seven.

His eyes quickly found your suffering form again, this time, he could hear everything that was happening.

You were screaming in pain and calling for him.

"I need Baelor” you sobbed, screaming in pain.

"Get out! This babe will not be born today!” you cried, doubling from the intense pain that you were feeling.

Baelor's heart was screaming at him to do something, anything, but he could not move, could not do anything.

“I need Baelor" you cried "Bring me Baelor, I need him, please” you begged in desperation.

“I cannot do this without him" you sobbed, groaning in pain.

Baelor took a step forward, wanting to reach for you. "I am here, my love!”

The Crone hold his forearm, stopping him from walking further. “There is nothing you can do for her now”

He gulped the knot in his throat, his eyes shining with unshed tears “Let me hold her, help her, please"

"There is nothing you can do” The voice of the old woman told him once again, firm and cold. “You already failed them, this already happened"

His gaze found your form once again, he could watch the way you cried in agony, fear was palpably taking hold of you “I can't, I can't do this alone" he could hear your painful words.

After torturous minutes, he could heard how they instructed to push, final one, they said. He watched in real time how you brought your beautiful baby girl into the world.

His breath paused in his lungs, his face mirrored yours when he realized there had not been a cry.

“No" he whispered, his voice broken “You have to cry, baby girl. Do it for your mama, she needs you"

He longed for a noise, a fuzz, a cry. It did not come, he could see the Maester and midwives move around, trying to aid the little bundle to breath, to cry. All of it turned to be unsuccessful.

Baelor turned his gaze away from the team working on your daughter, turning to look at you instead. He did not know which scene was more devastating.

He tried, with all his being to reach for you but something kept holding him back, stuck in his place.

Baelor had to watch when they handed you your baby girl, how you had wept and screamed in pain. He could see her now, your baby. Oh, she was beautiful.

“You failed them” the Crone said once again. "You failed them. You failed them, you failed them!”

…

Baelor woke up in a cold sweat, his heart hammering inside his chest while a shiver ran up his spine.

Those dreams kept plaguing his mind every time he fell asleep, even for a few moments.

This exact same dream he did not take slightly, he was more than convinced that it was a way the Gods found to not letting him forget his failings.

Sometimes it was that exact same dream, sometimes it was a dream of you drowning or you throwing yourself from a window.

He had been avoiding sleep as much as he could lately, he did not want to replay your suffering again and again but it was not something he could control. Most of the time he fell asleep when he was too tired to fight it, snoozing off onto his desk or on a chair.

He could not bear it, it was becoming too much for his fragile mind but he knew he had to find it within him to do it. He was not near put through the suffering you were, a right to complain or to quit was not something he had.

He shook off the remaining of sleep that still clawed at him, standing up from the chair he was sitting in and walking to pour himself a cup of Dornish red, it would help him to calm his mind, he hoped.

The headaches were another thing he could not seem to shake since he got back from Ashford Meadow, it always started as something light, merely a bother and then grew to something almost unbearable.

Of course, the nightmares didn't help, on the contrary, his head never failed to hurt when he was startled awake by it.

He hoped that, with time, it all would go away— both nightmares and headaches— but hoping was not the same as making it a reality. He very well doubted he would be able to get rid of it.

…

Everything was ready, at least that was what it appeared. Baelor could not help but feel something nagging at the back of his mind.

He could feel that something was wrong, he could not quite place what it was, but regardless, that feeling had him on edge.

Baelor was observing how everyone readied his things, his parents were staring at them from a distance. Maekar was making sure his children got together and were calm enough to make it to the docks. Valarr and Kiera were holding hands beside him, while Matarys was by his grandmother's side, not too contempt with leaving them behind.

Everything seemed in place, until it wasn't.

He had noticed before, how quickly the sickness was spreading, news of the people of King's Landing falling sick with it were quick to get to them, prompting them to close the castle to anyone until them could make the travel for Dragonstone.

Baelor had hoped it would not get to them, they had been careful, they had. The only thing that was expecting them was Dragonstone and then his sons would be safe, he remained himself as much.

Even then, the pit in his stomach only continued to grow as time kept advancing, he merely brushed it off as his lack of sleep or his prominent headaches. He considered it was some kind of nervousness because he would be in front of you, facing you, sooner than later. It wasn't.

He should have known better, he should.

Valarr had been looking pale since the day before, but again, the matter at hand had them all at the edge of their seats, stress eating at them slowly but surely.

Baelor had thought nothing of the paleness that seemed to cling to his son's skin, he should have been paying attention.

“We are almost ready to depart, my Prince" Ser Donnel informed Baelor, nodding respectfully.

Baelor nodded back, his mind mostly preoccupied "Yes. Thank you, Ser Donnel"

Time passed progressively quick, while the ones set to travel said their goodbyes and tried not to hard to think about what it meant leaving the reigning monarchs behind, the health of one of their own kept decaying without anyone to notice.

It was not until said person fell to the floor, in a fit of coughs he could not longer hold back that everyone got to the gruesome realization of what the sickness truly meant; something horrifyingly scary.

Everyone present tried to make their way to help the one fallen, yet he raised a hand in midst of his coughing fit "Do not—”

“Valarr" Baelor tried to help his oldest son “Let us—"

"No!” he coughed again, forcing himself to stand on shaking legs "I will not have you get sick” he wheezed as the cough threatened to make him fall again.

Baelor wanted to cry, he wanted to drop to his knees and ask for the Gods’ forgiveness, ask them to let him pay his dues, to spare his family.

His first born, his son that most resembled him, his baby was sick, and there was nothing he could do to make it better.

Finally he understood what the Crone kept telling him in his dreams.

You failed them

And sadly, he had not only failed you, but everyone around him.

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