yassmin

i hate every breath the he inhales

and every breath that he exhales

i hate his lungs for working

i hate his mind, the way he thinks

i hate his presence and every word the comes out of his mouth

i hate his mean words that destroyed me and even worse his nice gestures when he’s apologizing

i hate that he’s not haunted by his past mistakes

that he doesn’t suffer like i do

that he gets to live his life

have a wife

he doesn’t have to second guess people’s intention

his heart didn’t three years ago and wasn’t the same again

he’s not haunted in his dreams

he doesn’t lash out on other people as if it were their fault

his youth wasn’t wasted

or maybe it was

maybe his dad cheated on his mom

maybe it broke it heart the way it did mine

back when were still friends

back when i was your first priority

you convinced me to get matching clothes

matching bracelets

matching necklaces

do everything together

because we’ll be friends forever

we were unbreakable

you poisoned my mind

made me feel unloveable

so i wouldn’t leave you

like i was the one who needed you

i’m not pretty enough

i need to fix my teeth

my face

i need to wear less make up

“you’re invisible” you’d joke not knowing my mind will echo your voice even after years

i spent half my life with you

all the moments that i’m supposed to be nostalgic about are ruined

my school years

and i can’t think about them without remember how easily you discarded them

for a guy who wouldn’t treat you right

i know it’s for the better

i know it’s for the better

i was half relieved i got rid of this toxic friendship

but you’re still the ghost in the room of every friendship i have reminding me

you’re not enough

you’ll be replaced

you’re microscopic

you’re the second choice