Made New

This year's LG Retreat has brought about much pain as I recount the many challenges and things which God needed to expose. Yet, the beauty in all these is that God does it for my good.

I shared the following struggles and the many worries which I've been dealing with the past few weeks/months:

My career progression and how it seemed to have stagnated and dwindled after the initial news of a potential posting;

The worry of lack as I found it difficult to save up money being the only person working till next year;

The conversation I had with Mavis which made me realised just how much hurt and pain I've caused her in the past;

The good Christian image which I've been protecting all these time while being so religious in my ways.

So many things were on my mind and it felt so overwhelming to even think about them. But as I sought the Lord, He showed me the following verse:

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

I cannot even begin to imagine just how good God's plan is, but at the same time, the lack of trust that God has the best plans for me lingers at the back of my mind. The sharing done at Retreat has revealed my religious spirit of knowing God's word, but never really living it out.

I cannot simply be aware of God's truth, I need to REJECT the lies which the devil plants in my head, DECLARE God's truths over me, and LIVE in that truth.

So here goes...

I am not abandoned and alone. I reject the lie that I am in lack. I reject the lie that God doesn't have good plans for me. I reject the lie that I am still the old 'me'. I reject the lie that I am not good enough as a husband. I reject the lie that I need to uphold a certain outlook as a Christian.

I declare that God has very good plans for me, so good that I can never comprehend why the God of the Universe would do such a thing for me. I declare that the Cross of Jesus Christ has demolished every sin and lie in my life. My past has been redeemed by the Redeeming Blood of the Lamb, and God has made me a new creation. I am held so tightly by His righteous Right Hand. Jesus intercedes for me. I have what it takes to overcome life's challenges His way because He has empowered me with the grace and authority to take captive every argument that rises itself up against me. He will lead me to where I need to be at work, and I do not need to worry about the world's progression, because God has in mind Heaven's progression for me! Jesus has appointed me the Head of my Household, and He has given me all that I need to lead my family in the ways of the Lord. Thank You Jesus for loving me so dearly, and for giving me the mind of Christ as my inheritance.

I want to continue working on this spiritual discipline of rejecting the lies and letting His truths speak directly against them.

Just 2 chapters into the book of Nehemiah, and wow God has ministered to me so much 😢

I've always saw Nehemiah's heart ache for the brokenness of God's people and the walls of Jerusalem as a representation of the brokenness of my own heart, and how there is a need for God's restoration over and over again so that I may be purified before Him. As I took time to simply meditate on His goodness and majesty, God begin to show me another aspect of His heart for me. He wants to put the heart which Nehemiah had in me too!

Yes, God wants to restore me. But more than just restoration, there is a sending out into the world to show them Jesus too.

God is speaking identity over me again and again. I am not my brokenness, but there is purpose in them. My walk with Jesus is not to simply overcome issues, but to build His Kingdom here on Earth!

Dependence on God

Nehemiah 2:4-5 The king asked, “Well, how can I help you?” With a prayer to the God of heaven, I replied, “If it please the king, and if you are pleased with me, your servant, send me to Judah to rebuild the city where my ancestors are buried.”

Nehemiah never made a rash decision simply because it looked or sounded right. Before he made his request to the king to return to Jerusalem to rebuild the walls and restore his people, he prayed to God before acting. Never to confuse right motives with obedience.

Access and Providence

In Nehemiah 2:6-9 > when Nehemiah acted upon God's call, there was a supernatural access and providence into what was usually closed off and restricted. With much boldness, Nehemiah asked the king to write personal letters to be addressed to the governors of the provinces in which he will travel through. To top it off, he asked for a letter addressed to Asaph, the manager of the king's forest, to provide timber for the Temple fortress, the city walls and a house for himself! This wasn't blind faith, it was assurance in an Almighty God. How gracious is God to us!

Nehemiah 1:1-4 "In late autumn, in the month of Kislev, in the twentieth year of King Artaxerxes’ reign, I was at the fortress of Susa. Hanani, one of my brothers, came to visit me with some other men who had just arrived from Judah. I asked them about the Jews who had returned there from captivity and about how things were going in Jerusalem.

They said to me, “Things are not going well for those who returned to the province of Judah. They are in great trouble and disgrace. The wall of Jerusalem has been torn down, and the gates have been destroyed by fire.”

When I heard this, I sat down and wept. In fact, for days I mourned, fasted, and prayed to the God of heaven."

My Response to Brokenness

How do I respond when I hear news of brokenness in the world? It is easy to appear spiritual simply by feeling the ache in my heart. I can even ask God: "Oh why would this happen? Help them Lord!" and be convinced that I did something meaningful and then move on with my own life. But Nehemiah's response to the brokenness was something deeper, a response from the depths of his heart - almost as if he felt the heart of the Father. He did not simply stop at the ache, but he responded in prayer and fasting towards God.

He knew that the problem wasn't God's inaction (which many people today are quick to assume or believe as this does not require their own obedience), but it was men's sins that led to the destruction of Jerusalem's walls. His prayer to God wasn't complaints or that God would do something. He yielded himself to God, recognised that he himself was a sinful man, remembered God's commands and promises (yes, even the part where they had to face consequences for their disobedience), asked for God's forgiveness on behalf of the nation, and asked God for favour with the King as he jumped into action to make things right!

Nehemiah 1:5-10 Then I said, “O Lord, God of heaven, the great and awesome God who keeps his covenant of unfailing love with those who love him and obey his commands, listen to my prayer! Look down and see me praying night and day for your people Israel. I confess that we have sinned against you. Yes, even my own family and I have sinned! We have sinned terribly by not obeying the commands, decrees, and regulations that you gave us through your servant Moses.

“Please remember what you told your servant Moses: ‘If you are unfaithful to me, I will scatter you among the nations. But if you return to me and obey my commands and live by them, then even if you are exiled to the ends of the earth,[b] I will bring you back to the place I have chosen for my name to be honored.’

“The people you rescued by your great power and strong hand are your servants. O Lord, please hear my prayer! Listen to the prayers of those of us who delight in honoring you. Please grant me success today by making the king favorable to me. Put it into his heart to be kind to me.”

In those days I was the king’s cup-bearer.

Action Steps

Be honest about the state of my heart/situations around me.

I cannot live a holy life without God's help (2 Peter 1:3).

Daily excellence - Nehemiah was the King's cup bearer, which meant that he has proven himself loyal, trustworthy and excellent in his work to gain the trust of the King! Can others trust me with that level of responsibility?

Know and belief God's Word - Nehemiah not only believed in the blessings of God, but he also believed in the devastation of disobedience where God promised He would scatter Israel among the nations should they disobey. I must take God at His Word.

Prayer must go beyond self - Ask God to show me what is His Kingdom purpose for me in this life (Family, Ministry, Work etc.)

Help me to forgive quick, to not let me emotions or circumstances affect the way I speak to them or treat them.

To-do lists. They don’t seem to stop being filled up. Unending work, activities to attend, exams to study for, assignments to rush... Day and night, our minds are filled with worries about whether or not we can get things done. We are definitely in a busy society. But what happens when these things take over the things/people that matter? A loved one might confront us and make known to us of the things we are taking for granted. If you are wise enough, you might make adjustments, realign your priorities and make things right. You might even forgo certain things to clear up your schedule. At least that is what I hope most of us would do. The heartbreaking and sad thing is, many Christians today do not see spending time with God and committing themselves to His Church as seriously as our endless pursuit of our work. And I am one of those guilty of this.

During a prayer meeting with some friends in university, we began to share our stories of how consumed we are with work. A 15min prayer meeting turned into a 1-hour confession of the struggle so real. But yet there was a relieve within our spirits, knowing that we are not alone. One of them shared a verse from Ecclesiastes 4:6,

“Better is a handful of quietness than two hands full of toil and a striving after wind.”

Don’t get me wrong. We still have to work hard. But when it begins to consume us internally, to a point where constantly there is no peace and it robs us of time with God and His people, something is horrifically wrong. It may sound like over-spiritualising it because yes all the reasons for our busyness are legitimate. But isn’t it interesting that when busyness arises, it always attacks first our commitment to God and His Church (serving, praying, attending LG/church etc.)? Yet, we are able to find time to be alone, to be with our friends, to do what we like etc. This is a battle for our precious time with God and His church and we need to recognise it. 

This is not to condemn us, but a call to arms, a call to snap out of it and fight. In fact, in our busyness, all the more we should run to God and depend on Him! Isn’t it foolish to live life apart from Him, and still think we can be as effective alone? No man is an island. We are made for community, with Him and HIs people.

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Matthew 6:33

“Why does life have to be so hard?”

I’m sure many of you asked yourself this question numerous times before. Maybe you asked yourself a couple of times today. It’s almost like a bad thing to tell people that you’re struggling. It’s almost not ‘Christian’ enough. Although this world don’t say it, a silent expectation is placed upon Christians to be perfect. But let’s not deny the truth, because Jesus didn’t:

“In the world you will have tribulation...”

I recently came across a video interview with Dr. Ravi Zacharias, and the question posted to him was: “How could an all-powerful, all-loving God allow evil to exist?” One part of the interview struck me as he mentioned about a story of a mother whose daughter had CIPA, or Congenital Insensitivity to Pain with Anhidrosis. This disorder made it impossible for her to feel any sensation of pain. She could put her hand on a hot kettle and feel nothing. She could get a cut somewhere on her body, and no one would know as it gets infected. The kind of problems this gave to her and her family is unimaginable. Her mother prays one prayer every night: “God, please help my daughter feel pain.” Dr. Ravi ended off with this: “If in our finite existence, we can see the role of pain to warn us that something is wrong, is it impossible for God, in His infinite wisdom, to allow pain in our lives to help us know that something is wrong?”

Perhaps the greatest suffering was experienced on the Cross by the Son of God himself. On that day, what we saw was great chaos and hopelessness. A man who brought Heaven down and people experienced it first hand. But now all they see is a bloodied man on a tree, seemingly powerless and unable to even help himself. Maybe that’s what you’re feeling right now. Maybe something in your life seems to be nailed upon a cross and death is inevitable. Or there are things that you can’t escape and you desperately want out. But you know what? God have better plans. Though the days of mourning will come, yet hope remains. Three days later, the greatest miracle that has ever happened to humanity was raised from the ashes. Beauty out of pain. Life out of chaos. 

God’s calling you to trust. He’s calling you to walk with Him, no matter how long those ‘three days’ may be. Look to the Cross and see a miracle in the making. Knowing that God is with us through the trials makes it so much more bearable. His presence becomes all the more sweeter and precious. Life all the more filled with purpose. 

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-3

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

God: Come to Me.

Me: I'm worthless.

God: Come to Me.

Me: God couldn't possibly love me after what I've done.

The past 3 days have been pretty packed. Just glad that my dad is finally back home and resting up. 

But one thing I learned and finally understood about my dad is how he is such a giver. Since young, he never once rejected our requests and whenever we needed money, he gave generously without asking for any returns. And when he got his first car more than 10 years ago, he always asked if we needed a ride and he never once said no when we gave him a call to pick us up. Likewise, whenever any of our extended relatives needed help (either to bring my grandpa for his regular check ups, my aunt to buy groceries, driving them back home after a family gathering etc.), he is always available and does so willingly. 

I learned that the reason why he did what he did was not because it was convenient or he happened to be going the same way, he did it simply because he loves us and he loves his family. Driving around the past 3 days was really tiring, but it was at that moment I understood what it meant to give and keep giving. In fact, it is at these very moments, when you give despite whatever circumstances, where suddenly there’s meaning to your giving. Gave me a glimpse of how generous my heavenly Father is as well, and I wanna give the way He does!

It is a huge blessing to be able to give and to see the smile on my parents’ faces (or whoever I drove around), it was really heart warming. So yes, my license was all worth it haha! And I think my driving skills level up already heh! Thank you God for the opportunity really... And I know that even though I was busy the past few days, I still trust that You are in control of my school work!