No Going Back Now

“I don’t suppose you had rather I get your hopes up only to leave you at the altar?” He quirked an eyebrow. After a moment, he shook his head and sighed. “Look, we were both teenagers– kids, really, so excuse me for not courting you like a princess. I had bigger things on my mind, and even I can admit I was an idiot back then. But I don’t regret what I did,” he said firmly. Sirius was acutely aware of how he must appear to the pureblood community he was raised in: self-centered, brash, and without an inch of loyalty. He knew what story his family told– that he had abandoned the crown of heir for a life of rebellion. And he knew the story that he told to those close to him– that he was sick of their pureblood mania and had simply had enough. 

But the truth was much more complicated than whatever was being spewed by any of the Blacks. Years of feuding had culminated in one impulsive decision for a teenaged Sirius to leave. Sometimes, he wondered if he would have gone back, had they simply ever asked him to. Unfortunately, the infamous pride of the House of Black had prevented both child and parents from admitting to any mistakes or wrongdoing. Time passed and with each mark of a new year, reconciliation became less of a probability, until finally the chances were zero.

Sirius did not miss the remainder of Eleanora’s drink disappearing behind her lips. He was trained as a bartender to seek out the moment when a customer took their last swig and to quickly offer them a refill. Now, he couldn’t muster up any of the enthusiasm or hospitality that usually accompanied his service. “Another?” Sirius drawled, folding his arms, nodding at the empty tall glass.

“So it was your bright decision to marry Regulus, the hand-me-down Black fiancé?” Sirius snorted. “And here I always thought of you as intelligent.” He shook his head. At her words on Regulus, he didn’t make any acknowledgement, nor disagree. He would actually enthusiastically agree and call his brother spineless and soft on any other occasion. But the recent turn of events had made him a shred more loyal to Regulus, if not enough to not join his ex-fiancé on bashing him. 

“Perhaps without your parents around you’ll find a little more freedom in your decisions,” Sirius commented, knowing he was toeing within dangerous territory now. Not that Sirius had ever paid attention to labels such as ‘dangerous.’

@siriusblacx​

“And naturally, the only two options are playacting at a childish fairytale romance or being habitually churlish.” Of course he believed that. Of course he thought she was so naive as to want some sort of outlandish fantasy. He’d never bothered to get to know her, so how was to know she’d never expected such things? Granted, Eleanora doubted there was anything about her to suggest that she was a romantic, but she’d learned the hard way not to underestimate the depth of the Black brothers’ stupidity. When Sirius said he didn’t regret any of his actions, Eleanora scoffed. The sound was not as delicate and ladylike as it usually was coming from her but it was still some distance off from a snort. “I’d expect nothing less.”

Eleanora was not so tipsy that she didn’t realize another drink was a bad idea, but for once in her life she decided to ignore her better judgement. She was starting to feel rather floaty, which was quite nice considering how weighed down she’d been by recent events. So she pushed the glass back across the bar and nodded. “Yes, thank you.” She chose to ignore the amused judgement in his mien, if she’d finished the drink too fast for his taste there was no one to blame but him.

“I doubt that.” For the first time that evening Eleanora’s voice held no hint of judgement or sarcasm. It was simply blunt, factual. She didn’t believe he’d ever thought favorably of her, much less that she was intelligent, and she’d never needed him to. She was quite confident in her acuity without receiving validation for it. Even when she’d thought they were going to marry and had been trying to impress him, she’d never give away just how bright she was. Her mother had always warned her against showing her hand in such a way. No self-respecting man wanted a wife who was smarter than him, and Eleanora had yet to meet a man she believed was smarter than her.

When Sirius finally brought up her parents, Eleanora's hands, which had previously been folded on the bartop with ladylike grace, curled into fists. She clenched and unclenched her jaw, trying to formulate a reply that was cool and collected when all she wanted to do was throw the new drink he’d just placed in front of her in his face and smash the glass over his head for good measure. She swallowed, took a deep breath, then hissed through gritted teeth. “I do not expect to profit from my parents’ unjust imprisonment.” She pressed her lips together in an attempt to bite off anything else she might be tempted to say before she lost control and went off on a tirade that would doubtless be indecorous and antagonistic.

“More like I’d rather not have wasted my time and breath,” Sirius said pointedly. “Or yours, for that matter,” he added, though Eleanora’s feelings had been very low on his list of priorities. Sirius knew that he was never going to marry Eleanora, a conviction he’d held onto way before running away had ever entered his mind. His parents could never really control much about him, try as they might, much less who he was going to spend the rest of his life with.

“Yeah, subjective to those who’s brains have been rotted by pureblood mania,” Sirius drawled. He was not quite sure where Eleanora herself stood on the matter of blood politics. She did not seem like a heretic, not enough to be a Death Eater. It once would have been Sirius’ opinion that not taking a firm stance against blood supremacy was just as complicit as supporting it. Then his little brother had gone and joined the Death Eaters, making his whole view on the matter a bit complicated. 

Sirius had a difficult time distinguishing whether or not his baiting had any impact whatsoever on Eleanora. All it got from her was another sip of his cocktail. It was a quality he found infuriating in not just Eleanora, but in anybody. Regulus and his late father were just like that: impenetrable, cold, and utterly unfazed until they suddenly weren’t. Sirius, who wore his heart on his sleeve and was absolutely useless at hiding his emotions, felt the distant demeanor buff against his blunt and outright manner. He channeled his anger by picking up a glass and starting to polish it with a rag.

“What’s more to know on the subject? Seems quite straightforward to me,” Sirius huffed. Admittedly, he thought he had more knowledge on the reasoning behind Regulus’ broken engagement, but it wasn’t his business to impart the wisdom on his brother’s scorned fiance. “I personally think it is the most sensible thing Regulus has done to date, making a choice for himself. Perhaps you can take a page out of his book.”

@siriusblacx​

“How very gallant of you,” Eleanora said dryly. She didn’t believe for one second that her own feelings had ever crossed Sirius’ mind when they were younger, nor since. He had always struck her as exceedingly selfish, which was harsh condemnation coming from Eleanora, aware as she was of her own shortcomings in that area. But she at least cared about her family, and a very select few others. As far as she could tell, Sirius cared about no one but himself, and the willingness of those around him to encourage his worst vices. Like the saccharine yet sanctimonious Lily Evans, or his conceited and contrary marauders. 

In response to Sirius’ comment about his family members and their rotted brains, Eleanora only hummed mildly. She actually agreed with him that pureblood mania denoted a distinct lack of critical thinking. But she was unlikely to ever admit as much out loud, and if she did it certainly wouldn’t be to Sirius Black. She took another sip of her drink and realized with some disappointment, and no little surprise, that she managed to empty the glass by doing so. She usually paid more attention to pacing herself, making a habit of avoiding inebriation, especially in public. But in her defense, seeing Sirius was making an already bad week worse.

“Of course it does.” Eleanora rolled her eyes. Sirius had always been an infuriatingly black and white personality. He had no use for subtlety or nuance, which was just another thing about him that annoyed her. But she felt no need to expand on the situation for his benefit. Her failed engagement to Regulus was frankly none of Sirius’ business, and the finer points would probably be lost on him, anyway. After all, Sirius had been willing to turn his back on all of his potential and abandon his own brother to a life he himself didn’t want, and which Regulus was even less suited to. No, this man would never understand the concept of sacrificing for the sake of family. 

“Don’t be so arrogant to assume that my choices aren’t my own just because they’re different from yours. I have never lived my life on anyone’s terms but mine, and we both know that’s not something your dear brother can say.” It was one thing that Eleanora had always been fiercely, if quietly, proud of. She’d chosen her life, not stumbled upon or been pushed into it. It was her choice to honor her parents and ancestors and it was her choice to prioritize upholding the Burke legacy above all else. It hadn’t always been an easy choice, and recently she was beginning to wonder if it had even been the right one, but it was hers. She was no sheep being blindly herded by fate, she walked toward her destiny with clear eyes and a, mostly, steady heart.

Going into the war, and this marriage, Sirius had the mindset that all of it was temporary. One day, when the Order of the Phoenix triumphed over Voldemort and his followers, Sirius could go onto live the life he truly wanted. One day, he could speak his mind and beliefs freely and he could spend as much time with his friends without the worry that any moment they would be assassinated by pureblood fanatics. Sirius saw Eleanora as just someone he would have to deal with until the end arrived. Once it was all over, when his identity as a spy had been revealed, Sirius would divorce Eleanora and go on his merry way.

Suddenly, the idea of divorcing Eleanora was not something that he looked forward to. To Sirius’ grand surprise, he began to cherish spending time with Eleanora, and not just when they were in each others beds. He enjoyed hearing her thoughts on different topics and learning the way she saw the world. He found humor in her blunt yet calculated responses to him and often found himself trying to make her laugh just to hear the sound of it. Though Sirius didn’t reveal all of his beliefs to her, they were also quite on the same page when it came to purity, and both held a secret distaste for the zealots around them. Eleanora revealed herself to Sirius as he did with her, and soon they had a stable rapport with each other. Sirius was certain it was a mixture of boredom, isolation, and frankly a lack of a sex life outside of Eleanora that conjured these feelings up in him. Of course he felt connected to her– they spent almost every day together.

Everything shifted when Orion Black suddenly dropped dead a couple of months before. Though his relationship with his father had always been strained, the whole event had swept Sirius into a grief he hadn’t seen coming. His façade was crumbling– not just as a spy, but as the dutiful pureblood heir. Sirius didn’t want to face his family, the pureblood community, or even himself. He felt torn, living a lie while feeling ridiculous about grieving a father who had barely showed him an ounce of affection his entire life.

It was then Eleanora stepped up like Sirius had never seen her do before. Without any prompting, she handled the things Sirius couldn’t take on, speaking to the right people, organizing what needed to be taken care of, all while being a pillar of silent yet firm support. He never felt judged by her for a single second. It was the first time Sirius had been vulnerable with his wife– or perhaps anyone– in that way. It was the first time he knew his true feelings for her.

“Mistress?” Sirius exclaimed with quiet restraint. “That’s what this is all about– you think I’m having some affair with Lily Evans?” He would have laughed had the circumstances been any different. At the same time, the question arose– why did Eleanora care who he was potentially sleeping with? They had an agreement in place that assured they could both see who they pleased. Even if Sirius had never even stepped out of their marriage once.

Sirius’ eyes widened in unmasked horror as Eleanora yelled the word wife. Anyone who was watching them would be able to immediately identify who Eleanora was now. Sirius nearly covered her mouth with his palm to stop her from revealing anymore. “Oh for fuck’s sake– it isn’t safe from the Death Eaters!” Sirius hissed, and without any further hesitation, he yanked her arm into his grasp and apparated to the front steps of their London townhouse.

@siriusblacx​

There were several things in Eleanora’s marriage that surprised her, but she was not surprised when Sirius had difficulty coping with Orion’s death. It didn’t take a genius to see that the mantle of heir had never sat quite comfortably on Sirius’ shoulders, so it made sense to Eleanora that being unexpectedly thrust into the role of family patriarch was difficult for him. So she did what she’d been raised to do; she took control. Behind the scenes she arranged the funeral, met with the family lawyers, and confined Walburga to the role of grieving widow with a polite but decidedly firm hand. In public she rarely strayed from Sirius’ side, acting as a buffer between her husband and the pseudo-sympathetic mourners that seemed to spring from the woodwork.

Eleanora had been doing no more or less than her mother did for her father. It was what Chu-Hua had always told her it meant to be a wife, staying calm and solving problems, especially when your husband couldn’t. So it had surprised Eleanora when Sirius made a point of thanking her for her support. She was surprised, but touched. Something shifted in that moment and for the first time in her life she felt, not valued or admired or envied, but needed. It was a little alarming how good it felt, the way it made something unfamiliar and warm bloom in her heart. It made Eleanora wonder if she could be a wife in a way she’d always assumed would be impossible for her. 

Or, perhaps not. Not if he was keeping secrets from her, not if he was so horrified to see her interrupting his night, not if what he really wanted was Lily Evans. “It’s about the fact that you’re hiding it from me.” Eleanora clenched her fists, then stretched out her fingers. “I agreed to all of your rules and I never asked for anything in return because I thought honesty went without saying, my mistake.” She hated the tremor in her voice when she spoke. She wanted to sound calm and collected and cold, instead she sounded like the teenager she’d so recently been.

It took a lot to leave Eleanora genuinely speechless, but Sirius managed it with his next words. Even though neither of them shared the same rabid belief in blood purity as the dark lord’s followers, they had family who were death eaters and they were exactly the kind of pureblood, Sacred 28 couple blood purists wanted to see. It took Eleanora a long second to trace Sirius’ distress over the possibility of death eaters finding them to the inevitable conclusion that, somehow, he was doing something to stand against the dark lord. In that one stunned moment, Sirius took advantage of Eleanora’s distraction to apparate them both back home.

The sensation of apparating, always unpleasant no matter how long she’d been doing it, cleared Eleanora’s mind and brought her back to the matter at hand. Once again, she yanked her arm out of Sirius' hold and then stormed through their front door. Zan appeared as soon as Eleanora entered, prepared to take her coat, but she waved the elf away. This would need to be a private conversation. Eleanora began to strip off her outwear with impatient movements, discarding gloves, scarf, and jacket with a fierce precision that betrayed her temper. “Is this a safe enough location to speak, or will you continue to condescend to me?”

“I think you would have been immune to my charm anyways,” Sirius pointed out. Truly, Sirius had held no desire as a teenager to woe Eleanora. Perhaps if his parents hadn’t been breathing down his neck about marrying her, he would have pursued the girl all on his own. But the pressure along with the expectations killed any motive in him to entertain the idea that Eleanora and him could be anything but reluctant acquaintances. 

“Yet I’m considered the bad seed,” Sirius snorted. Bellatrix had committed torture and most likely murder all in the name of blood purity, yet Sirius was the disgraced one. It just went to show where his family’s values where. Sirius didn’t know much about the inner workings of the Burke family, but he hardly believed they were largely different than his, or else Orion and Walburga would never have wanted to betroth their heir to them. 

As Eleanora began to insult not just him, but his bar, his entire living, something soured inside of Sirius. He had been as pleasant as he could be up until that moment, when suddenly he remembered he owed nothing to Eleanora. “Perhaps it was in bad taste for you to put all your hopes into not one, but two Black heirs,” Sirius said icily, referring to her failed engagement to Regulus for the first time. “What’s that saying? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me?”

Of course, Sirius had heard all about the engagement when it was first announced on the society pages. Sirius remembered rolling his eyes at the news. Then he had thought to himself it was just one more stab from his family, another reminder that Sirius was so utterly replaceable that they’d even recycled his promised fiancé to his younger brother. Upon hearing of Regulus calling the entire engagement off, he couldn’t help but be secretly proud of his little brother for finally going against his parents’ wishes. 

@siriusblacx​

“Mm,” Eleanora hummed noncommittally. “So is that your excuse for not trying, you were afraid you’d fail?” She arched one eyebrow but she wasn’t really curious. At least, she didn’t really believe that was a possibility. She was quite confident Sirius had never tried to get along with her, or even really get to know her, for the simple reason that he’d always been convinced of his own superiority. He’d always thought he was too good for her not because he was a Black, but because he didn’t want to be one. While Eleanora had chosen long ago to make the best of her life as it was, he’d preferred to waste time on righteous indignation over what his life wasn’t. They were fundamentally different people, and while under other circumstances such a fact would have given anyone pause, Eleanora had never been concerned about it.

Eleanora shrugged delicately and took a sip of her drink, giving nothing of her own views away. “Such things are highly subjective.” Personally she thought Sirius’ choices had been short-sighted and selfish, but at least they weren’t malicious and they didn’t come with the same kind of body count as Bellatrix’s. To Eleanora, the two cousins had far more in common than they, or probably anyone else, realized. But while Sirius and Bellatrix were both zealous and self-righteous and intractable Sirius was not nearly as unstable as Bellatrix and, in Eleanora’s very private opinion, had a much more reasonable perspective.

Eleanora stiffened when Sirius brought up her failed engagement to Regulus, her grip on her glass tightening until her knuckles turned white. She forced herself to let go and drummed her fingers on the bartop to release the tension. It was clear she’d managed to get under Sirius’ skin, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of showing that he’d upset her, as well. “You really shouldn’t speak on subjects you know so little about.” She kept her voice cool and even, but her posture remained rigid. “I am not too proud to admit when I’ve miscalculated. I never put all my hope in you, but Regulus did turn out to be less sensible than I gave him credit for.” She still didn’t know why that engagement had ended and it needled her. She didn’t understand why Regulus hadn’t been able to see that she was the best choice for his family, and him by extension.

Elijah was surprised to see Eleanora out and about right now with everything that had happened with her parents. It was somewhat brave of her- Elijah knew people would be whispering about her. He personally couldn’t give a fuck about what her parents did or didn’t do. He had better things to concern himself with and he knew better than anyone that she wasn’t responsible for her parent’s actions anyway.  He send a joking eye roll her way at the comment. “Usually people know to stay away from the brooding guy in the corner” he shot back at her “but I guess not everyone.” Elijah shrugged lightly, though he nudged his stool over a little- giving her some more space. 

“Haven’t you heard?” he raised an eyebrow, though with everything she’d probably been too busy for idle gossip. He didn’t know whether or not to ask about her parents- maybe like him she’d come out for a distraction from her worries. He’d let her start that conversation, it wasn’t like he knew her that well anyway. They ran in the same circles, and Elijah was pretty sure there were some dicussions about her and his brother- but honestly he hadn’t paid much attention to all that. “I’m the newest trainee Auror at the Ministry- as you can imagine, they’re all just thrilled about it.” Elijah downed the rest of his drink “want another?”

@yamineleanora​

@elijah-nott​

Eleanora shrugged lightly. “Most people are idiots.” She took a sip of her wine. Even if Elijah was brooding, he wasn’t exactly dangerous. Eleanora may not have been bosom friends with Elijah, but she knew he wasn’t the violent or aggressive type. “Besides, I’m in the mood to brood.” Eleanora was getting tired of spending all her time at the shop or in her hotel suite, but she wasn’t exactly feeling friendly or sociable. So while it hadn’t been part of her original plan when she left her hotel, a polite and superficial drink with Elijah was quite appealing.

“I must admit I’ve been rather preoccupied of late.” Eleanora gave Elijah a small, dry smile. She typically liked to keep track of what was going on around her, especially in pureblood circles. Knowledge was power, and the more you knew about someone the more you could get from them. But now that her own family was the topic of so much gossip, Eleanora found herself avoiding the society busybodies and tuning out the whispers and talk. Apparently that meant she was missing things. “That’s quite a career change for you, what prompted it?” To Eleanora’s knowledge Elijah’s greatest passion had been quidditch, which was not necessarily something that transitioned naturally into law enforcement. To Elijah’s question Eleanora raised her still mostly full wine glass. “I think I’ll finish this, first, but I reserve the right to take you up on that offer later.”

At first, Sirius had many objections to being a spy. The Gryffindor in him wanted to be fighting on the frontlines of the Order, on the battlefield, sacrificing himself for a greater future. While he may not have abandoned his title as Black heir at that point, to fully assimilate himself into it was not something Sirius had any remote desire to do. Sirius did not think he was capable of having to spew out anti-muggle bigotry, or having to sit tight while he watched people in his family and social circles support a madman hellbent on genocide. It wasn’t until Dumbledore convinced him that he would be more valuable as a spy than a fighter did Sirius agree. 

Marrying Eleanora had been like drinking a bitter potion. Sirius thought that marriage would suffocate him and suck him deeper into a world that he didn’t want to be a part of. He worried that the polite yet somewhat distant young woman would demand things from Sirius he didn’t want to provide – offspring, undying loyalty, whatever the hell husbands were supposed to provide. He soon came to discover that he had been quite lucky when he married Eleanora. They not only tolerated each other, they had an amicable partnership with its own certain perks. Sirius had made his choice when he decided to become a spy, so why not enjoy it?

What Sirius did not expect was how much he actually would enjoy marriage, or to be more accurate, Eleanora. Perhaps it had begun because of how isolated he felt, away from his close friends for days or weeks on end, and craving any sort of company that wasn’t his maniacal family. Eleanora was brilliant in more ways than one, and the illogical, impulsive part of him wanted to keep finding more ways. 

That part of him– the passionate, reckless and emotional spirit, the one that just had to make everything in his life more dramatic and difficult– had fallen for Eleanora. Which made everything about his double life a bit more complicated.

It wasn’t just Sirius’ own life that he was risking anymore. It was Eleanora’s as well, and he’d be damned if he ever let anything happen to her. Seeing her there in the dark, cold night kicked his protective instincts into overdrive. If she’d followed him, who else could be following him, or the both of them, too?

Sirius lowered his wand but did not stow it away, leaving it tensely poised in his hand. His eyes swept the empty street around them before landing back on Eleanora. The expression on her face was not one Sirius recognized. He had never seen it in his nearly a year of being married to her. It was angry, it was offended, but it was something else as well. “You shouldn’t have followed me. We can’t talk here.” He had lowered his voice, though the urgency in it remained. “It’s not safe.” He closed the gap of space between them and gripped Eleanora’s arm, hoping to apparate quickly out of there. 

@siriusblacx​

When Eleanora agreed to marry Sirius it had not been for her own sake, nor had it been out of any amount of esteem for Sirius himself. Marrying the heir to the Black family was the best ending Eleanora could provide as the last Burke in a long and storied lineage. Had her parents been blessed with other children, Eleanora's life might have looked very different. Certainly, she would have had more choices available to her, would not have had to be quite so perfect without the entire Burke family legacy resting squarely on her shoulders, but it didn’t really matter. Eleanora’s life was what it was, what it had always been, and there was really no purpose to wasting time on what ifs and hypotheticals. So Eleanora had married Sirius Black for his last name for the sake of her family, and resolved to make of it what she could. 

Of course marriage had not at all turned out to be what she expected. Eleanora had been prepared for a fractious relationship. She’d planned to get pregnant as quickly as possible for the sake of the family and then take her child, or children if the first was a girl, to live in the Irish countryside far away from her bothersome husband. Sirius’ insistence that they not have children until after the war had been a roadblock, but Eleanora had told herself she could be patient. Then, the strangest thing happened while she was being patient, Eleanora had actually grown fond of her husband. He was still infuriating at times, but at others he was clever and funny and passionate. He continually found ways to surprise her, from when she’d found out he was the only man in his family to not join the death eaters, to when he’d realized she didn’t like her wedding ring and given her a new one for their first wedding anniversary. Recently Eleanora had even found herself wondering whether they couldn’t both move to Ireland once the war was over, and properly start a family together. 

It did give Eleanora some pause that Sirius did not put his wand away when he recognized her. Granted, they were still getting to know each other after a little over a year of marriage, but she’d never seen Sirius as paranoid. Paranoia didn’t serve one well in the world they lived in. Contrary to conventional wisdom excessive fear did not keep you safe, instead it led to mistakes and mistakes could easily get you killed. So yes, Sirius’ obvious agitation did put Eleanora on edge. It had her itching to draw her wand herself, but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of following his lead, not now. He should be groveling, not ordering her about as if she were a teenager out past curfew.

“I shouldn’t have had to follow you.” Eleanora corrected cooly. She’d never had a problem with the idea of living in a marriage without love or attraction, though the fact that the latter had cropped up was certainly a bonus, but she was discovering she did not care for living in a marriage without trust. The idea that he was hiding something from her irked her, especially when she’d agreed to his frankly rather selfish and somewhat insulting stipulation of an open marriage to begin with. She raised her eyebrows at his hissed words and scoffed. “Isn’t safe from whom, your five foot two mistress? I think I could take her.” When Sirius grabbed her arm, Eleanora jerked away with an indignant gasp. “Don’t you dare manhandle me like I’m some kind of disobedient child, I am your wife!”

“That would be the first time I made you blush,” he snorted, fully aware of their history. Sirius did regret now how immature he’d been around her when they were younger. However, he didn’t regret his decision to dissolve their parents’ arrangement. In another universe, where Sirius was the proper heir he was supposed to be, Eleanora would have been the perfect person for him to marry. She came from the right family, had all the etiquette of a promising wife, and was intelligent with the beauty to match it. Unfortunately for his family, Sirius would rather live as an outlaw than be bound to a marriage with Eleanora– or anyone, for that matter. Which was why he didn’t understand why Eleanora took any of his actions personally. 

“You mean my dear, maniacal cousin?” Sirius drawled. It did not take a genius to know that Azkaban was not a place you wanted to find yourself in. Sirius had heard stories about the Dementors that ran the prison, and he had always been slightly disturbed at the fact. He could name several people– his cousin Bellatrix included– who deserved a cell there, but he did not equate tax evasion with a sentence in the wizarding world’s worst prison. Yet Sirius did not extend his sympathies to the youngest Burke, knowing that it would be rather pointless and that she would not accept it. 

He could not help the genuine grin that spread on his lips. He crossed his arms across his chest, nodding. “It’s not a common drink, but I rather enjoy it myself,” Sirius explained. “I suppose I’ve got my French ancestors to thank for it.”

@siriusblacx​

Eleanora shrugged nonchalantly. “It’s not my problem if you’re not as charming as you think.” Really Sirius probably was as charming as he thought, he’d just never bothered to be charming with her. Eleanora wasn’t terribly bitter about it, certainly not the way she was toward Regulus. Sirius, at least, had made the choice to walk away from everything about his life as a pureblood, not just her. She thought it was a short-sighted and childish choice, but at least she could place the blame squarely on him. Eleanora hadn’t done anything wrong. Not that that changed the fact that she found him infuriating. His snide arrogance and righteous rebelliousness had only grown with age, and her tolerance of it had decreased proportionally.

“The very same.” Maniacal was an apt word for Bellatrix; Eleanora generally preferred psychopathic but the woman’s recent actions had been bordering more on sociopathy. Whatever descriptor one chose, she was unavoidably violent and dangerous. It was incredibly unfair that Bellatrix Lestrange, someone who most certainly belonged in prison, was walking free while Eleanora’s own parents were incarcerated. 

“So you do have taste, just not in women.” Eleanora took another sip of the cocktail. It irked her that they might have anything in common, even something as simple as drink preferences. Nor was she pleased with the self-satisfied smile that bloomed on Sirius’ face. His ego certainly didn’t need any stroking, and she’d much rather take him down a peg or several just on principle. “Or decor, apparently. Tell me was the building this dingy when you acquired it or did you make adjustments? Paint over a few windows, perhaps? Install used carpet?”

“I doubt anything in this place is up to my standards. Despite the poshness of the place.” Alecto didn’t know if she could manage to spend so much time in a place like this. It wasn’t that she didn’t like expensive things. She did. She just didn’t like things that were too over the top. She could understand why Ele wanted to come here though. It did almost feel like an escape from the world. One could lock them self up in the apartment, and just forget what was going on. She was just glad that she was able to be here for her friend. She didn’t know if she could manage something like this alone, even if she didn’t get on that well with her parents. So she was glad she could be there for her friend.

Alecto put her various bottles of alcohol onto the counter, before cracking open a bottle of wine. She poured them both a glass, before handing it over to her friend. She figured Ele probably just wanted to get drunk tonight and so Alecto knew starting with wine was probably the way to go. “The bar is always doing well. Nothing like a bit of misery to make people want to drink.” And she would always like that. Of course, she didn’t want he misery happening to her, but she was happy to take people’s money. “Amycus is good too.” She’d almost brought  him over with her tonight, but she figured she should warn Ele about that first. “You’ll have to come hang out at ours once this has all blown over.”

@ofcarrowx​

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you just insulted my taste.” Eleanora raised her eyebrows, not quite joking. The decor of the suite may have been a little more fussy and pastel than Eleanora would prefer, but the amenities were unimpeachable. The suite had an entryway, which made it feel less like she was staying at a hotel, and there was a water closet for guests. Granted until this evening the only guest she’d had was the family lawyer, but it was nice to know she had the option. During her stay Eleanora had become particularly familiar with the kitchen staff, as she’d been using the back entrance for her comings and goings in order to avoid the reporters outside the main entrance. The head chef had begun putting aside plums for her every evening and finding recipes for the Chinese dishes her mother’s house elves made. Eleanora felt Alecto’s comment was unearned, but in a strange way it was nice to feel miffed about something wholly unrelated to her parents’ imprisonment.

Eleanora accepted the glass of wine from Alecto without comment. It was not the cocktail she’d wanted, but it was at least alcoholic. She tipped back a long drink as she listened to Alecto’s small talk. Eleanora smiled when the older witch invited her to visit her and Amycus, but she focused on watching her wine move as she swirled the glass. The offer was touching, it was nice to know that there were people who didn’t think she was a total pariah and she would probably end up accepting it eventually. But the way Alecto phrased it reminded Eleanora of her creeping fear that things would never actually return to normal. She’d initially expected the situation to be resolved quickly, but now the days were dragging on with no sign of progress. “I hope that comes soon. I am so over being the center of attention.”

Sometimes, Sirius wondered what his life would have been like if he had run away from his title as the Black heir. He’d probably have lived with James, but the certainty pretty much ended there. Sirius could say many things with certainty now: he was the head of the Black family, he was married to Eleanora, and he was living a double life as a spy for the Order of the Phoenix.

Sirius always knew he had wanted to stop the rise of Voldemort and his disgusting brand of pureblood mania. Then Albus Dumbledore had approached him with a unique job, a mission only he could carry out as the heir to the Black family dynasty. In public, he was to be the respectable, purity supporting, dutiful husband, fully ingrained in the pureblood circles, politics, and same spaces that Death Eaters ran in. In private, he spied on his peers and passed along information to the Order, hoping to identify supporters of Voldemort and provide valuable information the Order wouldn’t be able to attain otherwise. 

It was a dangerous task, one that would get Sirius killed should he ever be discovered. Yet living a double life wasn’t the most difficult aspect of Sirius’ mission.

It was marriage.

Marrying into another ancient pureblood family was the only way Sirius could convince society he was committed to the pureblood cause. He knew it would be the Burke family as his family had been grooming him into marrying Eleanora for years. It was difficult not to show his reluctance throughout the engagement, but as soon as they were married, Sirius laid out the guidelines: No kids for now and no need to be loyal to each other.

As the months passed, Sirius’ feelings for Eleanora became more complicated than he ever could have imagined. He no longer saw her as the bane of his existence but a companion he could talk to, laugh with, and occasionally sleep with. He knew the feelings stirring inside of him but he never dared to voice them, just as he never dared to let Eleanora know of his double life. 

On that evening, he had provided Eleanora with an excuse that he was going to meet Regulus for a drink. Instead, he was meeting with Lily Potter to pass along information, and more importantly, to wish her a happy birthday. As they met in the secluded muggle pub, Sirius handed her a gift, a fine scarf he had secretly purchased on a holiday he’d taken with Eleanora the month before. Their meeting was short but filled Sirius with the joy of seeing one of his dearest friends. As they bid their goodbyes outside, Sirius didn’t want to let go of the redhead. He didn’t know the next time he’d be able to see her. “Take care, yeah? Love you, Lils,” he murmured.

Once Lily was gone, Sirius was to begin his maze of a return, making sure to take random turns and alleys to throw off anyone that might be tailing him. Then he heard a voice emerge from the shadows and Sirius’ first instinct was to pull out his wand and spin around, aiming it at the source. But it was no masked Death Eater: it was his wife.

“What– Eleanora?” Sirius sputtered in surprise, his eyes wide.”What are you doing here?” He hissed.

@siriusblacx​ 

When they first married, Eleanora had not paid much attention to Sirius’ comings and goings. They’d coexisted best when they were doing their own things, Sirius doing whatever Sirius did and Eleanora filling her time in the library or her workshop that she’d built in the garden behind their London townhouse. When they were together Eleanora quickly gave up on making her husband like her. She’d stopped trying to be pleasant and polite and started being herself, opinionated, unapologetic, brilliant. But all the things her mother had always told her would discourage potential suitors were the very traits Sirius seemed to appreciate and they’d slowly found companionship. 

As Eleanora began enjoying time spent with her husband, she also began noticing the odd hours he kept. He would disappear sometimes with thin excuses and return with only vague details as to where he’d been, and she was surprised by how much it bothered her. At first she told herself it was because he was lying. Eleanora had agreed that they could see other people, Sirius shouldn’t have been hiding his affair from her. Eventually, she had to admit to herself that it was the very idea of him having a lover that she didn’t like, and that led to her following him the next time he made a suspicious disappearance.

The justification had been that if Eleanora only knew who Sirius was seeing, she would feel better. If she could lay eyes on the individual, she could convince herself they were inferior in some way and put the whole thing to rest. But that had been before she found out Sirius’ mistress was Lily Evans. Eleanora knew Lily from the time at Hogwarts when they’d both been prefects, and the Gryffindor had always rubbed her the wrong way. Lily’s boundless optimism and soft heart had annoyed Eleanora back then, but now it made her feel small and timorous. If Sirius loved warm, tender, vivacious Lily Evans, he would never really want Eleanora. And that thought made her heart twist and wither in a horrifying and unfamiliar way.

Eleanora merely raised her eyebrows when she found Sirius’ wand in her face. Being at the end of a family member’s wand was not necessarily something she was unused to; her mother had begun teaching her to be a duelist when she was quite small. At first it had only been strategy games and exercises for hand eye coordination, but as she got older they’d moved on to training and practice duels. So Eleanora was not alarmed or put off by Sirius’ aggressive reaction to her sudden appearance. She was surprised, but that didn’t keep her from batting the wand away impatiently and moving forward, stepping into his personal space.

“Is that really the tone you want to take? Like I’m the one who’s doing something wrong when I wouldn’t even be here if you weren’t lying to me and sneaking around behind my back?” She was not insensible to the fact that secretly following your husband on his night out was not a normal or generally acceptable thing to do, but if she didn’t hold onto her righteous indignation she was worried she’d slip and let her jealousy and hurt shine through.

Eleanora had never been a romantic. It didn’t bother her that she and Sirius hadn’t necessarily been on good terms when they got married. She’d at least known she wouldn’t be bored, continually getting into petty arguments that she would finally be able to win once she didn’t have to keep playing the part of the mild mannered pureblood princess. She didn’t want a love match for her marriage, and she certainly didn’t want to become the kind of jealous wife who kept tabs on her husband and couldn’t trust him to go where he said he would. Yet here she was, trailing Sirius through the streets of muggle London on his way to Merlin only knew where. Certainly nowhere he would see Regulus. 

When Sirius recommend they have an open marriage Eleanora had no problem agreeing, provided he promise none of his extra-marital partners would end up pregnant. But that had been in the beginning, before they really got to know each other, before they started sleeping together just for the thrill of it, before she’d begun to look forward to the time they spent together even when they weren’t in bed. Now, the idea of him being with anyone else was a thorn in her side that she couldn’t ignore. So she found herself waiting a beat before entering a dingy, muggle pub just in time to see Sirius offer a familiar redhead a meticulously wrapped package. It was bad enough to have confirmation that he was seeing someone else, but the fact that the someone else was Lily Evans was salt in the wound. Eleanora sidled closer as they sat in a corner booth and came just close enough to see Lily cover Sirius’ hand with her own and hear her ask in a low voice, ‘Eleanora doesn’t know you’re here, right?’

That was more than enough, and Eleanora exited the pub as quietly as she’d entered it. She needed to get a hold of herself. She wouldn’t let this stand, but she couldn’t fly into a jealous rage when she’d agreed to let him see other people. It would be hypocritical, and worse, it would be humiliating. She was fully prepared for a long wait and the possibility of following them to a second location, but she’d just gotten her temper in check when Sirius and Lily emerged from the pub, clearly preparing to say goodbye. Eleanora watched with an acidic lump in her throat as Lily wrapped Sirius in a tight hug, burying her face in his chest, and Sirius returned the embrace, planting a soft kiss on Lily’s temple. She listened to her husband murmur, ‘love you, Lils’ as the redhead pulled away and went up on her toes to kiss his cheek. 

Eleanora forced herself to take deep breaths as Sirius tracked Lily’s movements until she’d turned the corner, then stepped out of the shadows, directly into his line of sight. “So, red hair and a peasant skirt. That’s a new look for your brother.” Eleanora crossed her arms, keeping her face carefully, dangerously blank and her voice dry and cold.

When Eleanora married Regulus and took over Grimmauld Place from Walburga, one of the first things she did was claim the attic as her workshop. She used it for potion brewing, jewelry making, working on antiques and magical artifacts, but since the war ended her primary purpose had been figuring out a way to remove Regulus’ dark mark. Growing their marriage from an uncomfortable arrangement to a genuine partnership had been a long and arduous process, but it ended up being worth it. She knew Walburga had suggested the match to make up for Regulus’ shortcomings as an heir and her parents had agreed because the Black family was one of the most distinguished pureblood families in the British Isles. None of them had really considered Eleanora and Regulus’ compatibility, but a certain kind of compatibility had been there anyway.

Over the course of their marriage Eleanora and Regulus had fallen into an easy familiarity. They shared books, played chess, and slept in separate rooms, an arrangement that suited them both. They had the kind of partnership Eleanora had always wanted from her marriage, one built on mutual respect and a friendly sort of affection, just like her parents’. So it was important for Eleanora to find a way to remove Regulus’ mark because she knew how much it bothered him. And she didn’t like that his parents had forced him to get it while he was still in school, really just a child. When Eleanora finally worked out how to undo the curse that bound the ink to Regulus’ skin, she felt a fierce sense of pride and satisfaction. She’d never been one to doubt her own abilities, but having the practical proof of it was always gratifying. 

She found Regulus in his study off the library that they shared. She knocked before entering, then wasted no time sharing her news. “I’ve figured it out.”

“I’ll take a troll that can pour beer at this point,” he deadpanned. Sirius was still adapting to the life of a business owner. Every little detail mattered. He hadn’t ordered enough lemons the month before, and clients had complained about the lack of them in their cocktails. But he would rather this life than any other, where he would have had to bow to his parents’ command and become the show pony heir that they lead around. “You’d be surprised. After a few drinks, nobody cares much about anything,” Sirius shrugged.

He quirked an eyebrow at Eleanora, then suddenly recalled the newspaper headlines of a few days ago: Burkes Unceremoniously Shipped Off to Azkaban. It explained everything and why Eleanora was even sitting across from him. After a moment, he snorted softly. “I suppose there are worse things one can be locked up for,” he remarked, bestowing neither comfort nor wisdom. 

Sirius could not help the grin that twitched at his lips. “The odds are in your favor,” he quipped. He was familiar with the drink even if nobody in his pub had ever ordered it, as it was one he actually enjoyed himself. Sirius might have adopted an unruly lifestyle, but his choice in alcohol still remained that of a royal pureblood. He promptly grabbed a glass and went to the display of bottles, choosing the top shelf whiskey and cognac, knowing Eleanora would ask for no less. His hands worked quickly and elegantly as he made the cocktail, which he was soon sliding across to Eleanora with a nod.

@siriusblacx​

“Stop, you’ll make me blush.” Eleanora rolled her eyes. Between Regulus calling her repulsive, and Sirius now comparing her to a troll, it would seem the Black brothers shared their complete and utter lack of taste. It didn’t phase her. She knew she was beautiful, and if two men she didn’t particularly care for anyway couldn’t see that, it really wasn’t her problem. Eleanora held back her skepticism as Sirius continued to speak. She couldn’t imagine a situation where one would simply stop caring about something that was important to them, but on the other hand she was all too familiar with pretending something was important when it didn’t really matter at all. “Since you undoubtedly have far more experience with drunkards than I do, I’ll have to take your word for it.”

Eleanora watched the realization dawn on Sirius’ face with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t care less what he thought, about any subject much less about her, but she’d had more than enough of people disparaging her family in recent days. She steeled herself for an onslaught of holier than thou judgment and was surprised when it didn’t come. Still, she fired a warning shot just in case. “You would certainly know.” She kept her expression bland and her voice mild, but it was nonetheless a not so subtle reminder that he had no room to talk when it came to family members being sent to Azkaban.

Eleanora raised her eyebrows slightly as Sirius deftly prepared the drink. It wasn’t a common cocktail and it called for an obscure, French brand of bitters that was rare in the British Isles but Sirius miraculously produced. He gave every appearance of knowing what he was doing, but she reserved judgment until the drink was in front of her and she’d taken a sip. It wasn’t quite as good as when Alecto made it, but maybe she was just biased. It was certainly a close second. “I must admit, I’m impressed.” She raised the glass in a salute that was only slightly mocking, then took another sip.

Alecto had wanted to reach out to her friend, but had held back, knowing that it was good to give her space. She wanted to support Ele, but didn’t want to overwhelm her. And so, she’d kept quiet. She was sure that Ele knew that she would always support her. Luckily, her friend had reached out for her, so that solved the issue of Alecto wanting to make sure she was okay. She was kind of surprised to see that Eleanora wasn’t at home. But she figured that maybe it was too lonely there. Surely the Burke estate was pretty big when one was on their own. 

Leaving her bar in the capable hands of her senior manager, Alecto had grabbed a few bottles of alcohol and ingredients for her friend’s favourite cocktails, before making her way to the fancy hotel. She’d stayed here a few times herself, and knew it was quite fancy. And she was sure that Eleanora had a top suite. “it’s fine…” She murmured, a smile on her face as she looked at her friend. She was trying to sus out if Eleanora was really okay, but her friend was sometimes hard to read.

“I can relate to that….” Even when she’d been cleared of all charges, Alecto had endured stares. Luckily, she could tell people where to go with just one sour glance. But, she could relate to wanting to be on ones own. “I brought some things to make your favourite drinks….” She murmured, as they stepped into the sitting room of the suite. 

@ofcarrowx​

As soon as Alecto cleared the door to the sitting room, Aine streaked across the entryway to the bedroom, presumably to hide until Alecto left since none of the furniture was tall enough for safe observation. Brighid followed at Eleanora’s heels, weaving between her feet. “Honestly, that is exactly what I want to hear. I would do unspeakable things for a between the sheets right now. There’s a bar cabinet in the corner with glasses and various accouterments. It has liquor too, of course, but I have much more faith in your taste.” The hotel so far hadn’t failed Eleanora in any way. They’d been happy to accommodate the cats, for a fee, and the food and service had been excellent. The staff kept her rooms immaculate and never came while she was in the suite. She had no reason to doubt the quality of the bar cabinet’s contents, but she also planned to go outside her comfort zone and get rather drunk tonight, and if she was going to do that she was going to do it right.

Now that Alecto was here, Eleanora was gratified with her decision to invite the older witch over. She’d spent the past ten days working at the shop, stopping by the family lawyer’s office, then going straight back to the hotel. Eleanora had always been of a solitary nature, so she’d been quite surprised to find herself growing lonely. She missed her parents’ conversation at mealtimes, which only served to remind her why they were gone and in turn agitate her further. Eleanora was confident Alecto’s lively nature would serve as an excellent distraction, and her exquisite cocktails would only help. Eleanora settled onto the couch, angled such that she could continue her conversation with Alecto. “Tell me how you’ve been, the bar is doing well? And Amycus? I long for a conversation that doesn’t involve selling antiques or the excruciatingly dilatory pace of the legal process.”

While Sirius was quite proud of running his business, he knew that to many people from high pureblood society, it was probably akin to being a beggar on the street. That Sirius had turned his back on a life where he would never have to lift a finger did not cause him any regrets. Such a life came with many conditions that Sirius simply refused to fulfill, one of which was marrying the young woman sitting across from him. 

“My bartender quit,” Sirius shrugged. He was not ashamed of putting in work for what he wanted. He knew Eleanora’s family background enough to know that she probably didn’t find it shameful either, but when it came to your ex betrothed, everything was fair game. “So I’m filling in until I hire somebody new. You wouldn’t happen to be looking for a job?” He jeered.

“Now what would an upstanding witch like yourself have to hide her face for?” Sirius asked with a scoff. It was clear that they were no longer playing the roles they once were forced to fill around their parents. Sirius had always felt uncomfortable with the silent agreement between the elder Blacks and Burkes that their heirs would get hitched. When he was young, he’d fought off that uneasiness by being as unpleasant or cold to Eleanora as much as he could get away with. Now, they owed nothing to each other, and Sirius anticipated this  conversation would be the realest they had ever been to each other.

@siriusblacx​

“Why, are you offering?” Eleanora quirked an eyebrow in a sardonic expression. By this point she was well inoculated to Sirius Black’s ridicule. Even when it had bothered her she never let it show, and now she quite simply did not care. “I doubt your typical clientele would tolerate my presence with any frequency.” Eleanora knew how most muggleborns and half-bloods felt about purebloods, and she knew it wasn’t entirely without reason. She imagined the people Sirius now associated with were the type who would judge her quite harshly based solely on her surname, and be completely oblivious to the double standard. Eleanora herself preferred to measure individuals on their own merits, she just had incredibly high standards for the people she allowed in her life.

“If you are so insensible to current events I have neither the obligation nor the inclination to educate you.” The whole point of coming to this uncouth hole in the wall had been to avoid the specter of her parents’ imprisonment, or at least to avoid peoples’ reactions to it. She had no desire whatsoever to hear Sirius’ opinion on the subject. Eleanora shifted her attention from the man across the bar to the shelves of liquors behind him. She scanned the selection, mildly impressed by the quality available. “What are the odds of you knowing how to make a vieux carre?” It was a shameless change of subject on her part, but she didn’t have the energy for artful conversation tonight.

Eleanora spent two nights alone at Burke Lodge before deciding that the knowledge that she was all alone in the manor, save her cats and the house elves, was too unsettling. So she’d packed up Aine and Brigid, left Burke Lodge in the elves’ capable hands, and rented a suite at one of the premiere magical hotels in London. The cats were adjusting to their new surroundings admirably. Brigid had stopped peeing on the pillows and Aine was no longer constantly trying to groom Eleanora, though Aine was of the decided opinion that none of the furniture was tall enough and Brigid was still trying to bolt anytime the door to the suite opened. The suite itself was spacious, and still felt a little empty, but it was better than rattling around her childhood home. 

Once things were a little more settled, Eleanora invited Alecto over for a quiet night in. She knew loud and raucous nights out were more the redhead’s style, but Eleanora was not in the mood to be among strangers just now. Eleanora had included a request to bring all the requisite ingredients for drinks in her invitation, confident that Alecto would enjoy mixing their cocktails herself, and promised that her hotel’s kitchen could provide anything else they needed. When Alecto knocked, Eleanora shut the door from the sitting room to the entry to keep the cats in place. By the time she let Alecto in, Aine was already yowling her protest and Brigid had worked a paw under the door to scrabble at the marble flooring. 

“I really do appreciate you agreeing to stay in, I feel like if I have to ignore one more busybody side-eyeing me I’m going to start hexing people.” Eleanora was not one normally driven to violence, but these were not normal circumstances, and she knew Alecto wouldn’t judge such a confession. “Don’t mind the cats, they’ll settle once the doors are open again.” Eleanora nudged Brigid’s paw with the toe of her shoe before making sure the front door was closed and opening the door to the sitting room.

At first glance, Sirius saw a pretty face, which made him instinctively want to turn his charm on. Then he realized it was the one person who was immune to Sirius’ charm: Eleanora Burke. Despite not seeing one another in years, they did not go through the formalities of greetings. They were well aware of who each other was, given that for years, their parents had been hoping they would become engaged. 

For much of his adolescence, Sirius had associated Eleanora with a wedding ceremony and a feeling of impending doom. His mother especially had always nudged Sirius in the girl’s direction, commenting highly on her beauty and manners, hoping this would sway Sirius to pursue the heiress instead of the less than desirable girls he sought after. Of course, this only made Sirius want to stay away from Eleanora even more. Any girl that Walburga Black thought was a good choice for Sirius only meant he should run for the hills. 

Needless to say, it was not a face had hoped nor expected to see that night at the Lion’s Den. “In my bar, actually,” Sirius corrected her coolly. “That you happen to be sitting in. Not your usual spot, is it?” Sirius raised an eyebrow.

@siriusblacx​

“In your bar.” Eleanora amended, not giving away that she was a little impressed. The Burke family was unique among high society purebloods in that they did not look down their noses at honest work. Eleanora was proud to come from people who knew the value of productivity and the effort that went into running a business. But of course, she wouldn’t admit as much to Sirius simply on principle. “So you’re just slumming it because waiting on people is your idea of fun?” Eleanora tilted her head, letting her ponytail swing over her shoulder, and blinked with a little too much wide-eyed innocence, which was just enough to be mocking. It was actually a clever business strategy, being helped by a proprietor tended to make people feel important which in turn made them want to come back, but she wasn’t sure she thought Sirius was clever enough to give him that much credit.

Eleanora straightened and rolled her eyes. “If you must know I’m here precisely because it’s not my usual spot. Any dive bar is not my typical purlieu, much less one so obviously catering to Gryffindors, so I was counting on no one recognizing me.” She glared at Sirius as if it was his fault she’d wandered into his bar. It wasn’t, but it wasn’t exactly hers, either, so she was hardly shifting the blame. And even if she was, Sirius Black had caused her enough grief in the past that he was hardly innocent. When they were younger he’d all but completely ignored her, only paying attention when he was trying to be annoying enough to get a rise out of her. It hadn’t been strategic to retaliate when he was still the heir to the Black family, but now Eleanora no longer had to play nice.