jxke.exe

“ a soft spirit

in a hard work. ” ˎˊ˗

⋆｡‧˚ʚ ୨ৎ ɞ˚‧｡⋆

masterlist : ᝰ.ᐟ

[s.jy.] file #1 : Out Of Bounds

file #2: 32 Hours Too Late

file #3: Love Me Until It Hurts

file #4: Between Closed Doors (smau)

get to know me ˚˖𓍢🩰˚

taglist & requests -> open ⊹ ࣪ ˖

꩜ .ᐟ pairing: prof!jake x uni student!reader

summary: messages between a professor and their student in a secret relationship ⊹ ࣪ ˖

genre: smau · age gap · smut · fluff ೀ

taglist: status -> {open} comment ᝰ.ᐟ

warnings: age gap (27 & 21), professor x student, secret relationship, sexual references -> MDNI ⸝⸝

⤷ notes: hii, i’m working on two stories rn, so in the meantime please enjoy this little piece i made! enjoy 𑣲

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-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈

꒰🐾୭ taglist: @yunniesdearest

꩜ .ᐟ pairing: distant,cold!jake x clingy,f!reader

⤷ inspired by warm - the neighbourhood

genre: one shot · toxic relationship · smut ೀ

word count: 2.2k

taglist: status -> {open} comment ᝰ.ᐟ

⤷ requested by: @thvbilliewife

warnings: angst, degradation/praise, biting, blowjob, dirty talk, emotional manipulation, fingering, making out, obsessive behaviour, pet names, pussy licking, smut, strong language, tits play, unprotected sex -> MDNI ⸝⸝

⤷ notes: this is my first one shot written about a topic someone requested, so i really hope it came out well. my requests are always open, so feel free to send ideas anytime ! enjoy 𑣲

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healthy kind of toxicity.

we called it like that, it represented our relationship. healthy kind of toxicity. that was a lie that we told ourselves when we clung to each other so hard we left bruises. i fed on his attention and he fed on my need. i was twenty, in my first uni year, i was a student who should have been discovering who is she outside of a relationship, but i had happily folded myself into the shape of his shadow. he was twenty two, already pushing himself into the work life.

we lived in a small apartment in boston. outside, the sky was already turning into purple, the kind of colors that showed in the sky only in november. i sat on the edge of my favourite velvet sofa, my fingers were digging into the fabric. my textbooks were open on the coffee table, a sociology essay that i should have already finish but it was half-finished, the words blurred into meaningless paragraphs. my mind wasn’t thinking about social structures, it was waiting for a sound. the sound of a key turning in the lock.

lately a shadow had grown around us. the quality time washed into working and never being able to be home with each other. i checked my phone for the twelve time in the past three minutes. no new texts or calls. the silence of the apartment started feeling too heavy, like it was coming towards my chest, trying to make my breathing hard. i was more clingy than usual, i was aware of it, but i wanted to be under his skin, to breathe his air, to feel the weight of him pinning me to the mattress until the rest of the world washed into the background.

the door finally clicked. the lock turned with a heavy sound, jake stepped inside. he looked.. well exhausted, his tie was loosened, hanging around his neck. his white button-down was wrinkled from sitting hours in his office. the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.

my body was moving on its own. i didn't give him a chance to drop his bag or ask how my day was. i launched myself at him, my arms wrapping around his neck as my body molded against his chest. i squeezed him as tightly as i could with every bit of strength i had. jake let out a sharp huff of air, his body freezing for a second before he sighed and leaned into me. he didn't hug me back immediately, his arms stayed still at his sides for a little too long for my liking.

“you’re home.” i whispered, my voice sounding small.

he brought his arms up, immediately gripping my waist and lifting me off the floor. his touch was heavy and possessive but at least he didn’t try to brush me off.

“yes i’m home.” he murmured.

i pulled back just enough to look at him, my hands cupping his face. i could see the dark circles under his eyes, the work really tired him out.

“i missed you so much it actually hurt.” i said with a hoping voice, not exactly knowing what answer to expect, but i meant it. it was a physical ache, every day.

jake closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against mine. “i know, i know you did. you have been thinking about me all day?”

i give him a quick nod immediately. “you weren't texting me and you didn't tell me when you will be back.“

he pulled back, a flicker of irritation crossing his eyes. “i was in meetings. i can't exactly pull out my phone while my boss is breathing down on my neck.”

i didn't let him go. i tightened my grip, my nails digging into the fabric of his already wrecked shirt. “i really don't care about the meetings. i care that i feel like i’m disappearing when you're not here. why do you do this? why do you let them take you away from the time we were supposed to spend together?”

jake sighed, as he looked at me and for a moment the irritation vanished and replaced by a hunger that mirrored my own feelings. he reached up, as his eyes were fixed on my lips, his thumb brushing over my lower lip, pulling it down slightly.

“you’re so needy.” he murmured.

“yeah, i am.” i whispered, leaning into his touch. “i’m starving for you.”

he didn't respond. he grabbed the back of my neck, his fingers tangling in my hair as he pulled my head back. he crashed his lips against mine, in a way that made my teeth click. it wasn't a gentle kiss, it was never gentle. his tongue tasted sour, probably from the coffee he had been drinking all day. i moaned into his mouth, my tongue seeking his. he sucked on my tongue, pulling it into his mouth with a greedy intimacy that made my toes curl.

he backed me up against the hallway wall, the thud of my shoulders hitting the wall, it echoed through the small apartment. he didn't stop kissing me, his mouth moving from my lips to my jawline, then down to the sensitive skin of my neck. he bit me, not hard enough to hurt me, but enough to leave a mark.

i gasped, my head hitting back against the wall. “mhm.. please.”

“please what?” he growled against my skin. “tell me exactly what you want.”

“i want you inside me.” i whimpered as my hands flew down to his belt “i want to feel you. i need to know you're actually here.”

he groaned, let out a low sound from the back of his throat. he broke the kiss to look at me, the exhaustion was finally gone, replaced by a raw predatory look. he gripped my thighs and picked me up, my legs automatically locking around his waist. he carried me into the bedroom, the movements were hurried.

he dropped me onto the bed, the mattress slumped under my weight. he didn't waste any time, he never did. he stripped out of his clothes, tossing his shirt and jeans onto the floor. when he stood before me, his cock was already hard, he lazily stroked his thick and pulsing length. i lay there, my chest filled with desire. i wanted them gone, i wanted everything gone.

jake crawled over me, his weight pressing me down into the sheets. he didn't go for my entrance. he started with my breasts, his hands squeezing them, like it was a toy for him. his thumbs rubbing over my nipples through the thin fabric of my tanktop. i arched my back, as i let out a soft cry.

“you have been thinking about this all day, haven't you?” he asked.

“yes.” i gasped. “mhm.. please jake.”

he reached down and yanked my shirt over my head with one move. he stared at my tits, his gaze was possessive. he leaned down, taking one nipple into his mouth, sucking it really hard. i felt the tug of it deep in my belly with a spark of electricity. he switched to the other side, his tongue swirling around the peak before he bit down gently. his hand slid down, pushing my underwear aside. i was already soaked, like every day when i thought about him. the fabric clung to me, drenched in my own wetness. jake let out a low whistle, his fingers finding my clit and rubbing it in a slow, circular motion that made my back arch.

“look at you.” he murmured, his voice dripping with satisfaction. “you’re already dripping for me.”

i closed my eyes, as my hips began to buck against his hand. “mm.. couldn't help it.” i answered with a moan. “i want it.” i begged. “i need you.”

jake shifted, as he moved down my body. he gripped my ankles and pushed my legs wide, exposing me completely to the dim light of the room and his eyes. he stared at my pussy, the pink folds with wetness. he didn't use his fingers again. he leaned in, his breath hot against my inner thighs.

his tongue made contact with my folds as i screamed, my fingers clutching the sheets. he started with a long but slow lick, from the bottom of my opening all the way up to my clit. he tasted me deeply, his tongue focused. he switched to my nub, flicking it with a practiced move that made my vision blur. my ear only heard the sound of it.

he pushed two fingers inside me, the sudden fullness making me gasp. he began to pump them in and out. he was relentless, his tongue continuing to work my clit while his fingers stretched me wide open. i felt the pressure buildin.

“i’m going to..” i moaned, but he didn't let me finish.

he withdrew his fingers and moved back up, pinning my wrists above my head with one hand. “not yet, darling. don’t u dare.” he commanded. “get on your knees.”

i obeyed instantly, my movements hurried. i scrambled to the edge of the mattress, kneeling before him. he stood there, his cock twitching, the head with a start of pre cum.

“take it.” he said with a cold voice.

i didn't hesitate. i leaned forward, my lips parting as i took the head of his cock into my mouth. i swirled my tongue around the tip, my eyes looking up at him. i slid my mouth down the length of him, my throat tightening as i took as much as i could. i used my hand to grip the base, my thumb rubbing over his balls. “good fucking girl.. damn i really taught you too well.”

jake let out a sharp breath. “mhm.. don’t u dare to stop, if you want to feel any satisfaction tonight.” i immediately nodded as his fingers were tangling in my hair, pulling my head back and forth.

“suck it, darling.” he ordered.

i obeyed, my eyes watering as my jaw ached. i wanted to please him so badly that it felt like a physical weight in my chest. i focused on the texture of him, the way he groaned when i flicked my tongue over the tip again. i wanted to swallow him whole, to keep him inside me where he couldn't leave. he suddenly pulled out, the sound of the release a wet pop. i gasped, my mouth still open.

he positioned himself, the head of his cock brushing against my entrance that made my breathing stop. he paused to tease me, rubbing the tip against my clit then sliding it just an inch inside. “you want it? beg.”

i whimpered as my body began to shake. “i really need it.. i thought about this all day.”

“yeah? then fucking take it.” he plunged in, the air left my lungs in a sharp movement. he filled me completely, making me to scratch more. he stayed there for a moment, buried deep, letting us to adjust. i felt his balls press against my clit, the warmth of him flooding into me.

he began to move with a slow move. each thrust was a statement, a claim.

“tell me, who do u belong to?”

“i’m yours.” i sobbed, my voice muffled against the pillow. “mhm.. yours. please don't ever leave.”

the desperation in my voice made him motivated. he picked up the pace, his thrusts became faster and harder. the sound of our bodies colliding became a wet slapping. at one point, he thrust so hard and fast that he slipped out completely. his cock sliding across my wet thighs with a loud and wet noise. he didn't miss a beat, he was practiced enough to slam back inside me without missing a beat.

i felt the climax building. my muscles clamped down on him, squeezing him really tight. i could feel him hitting me deep, that sent sparks through my nerves.

i peaked first. i screamed his name, my eyes rolling back in my head as the pleasure cut through me.

“didn’t you wait for this all day?” jake didn't stop. “you were waiting for this all day, don’t let me down darling.” he kept driving into me, he chased his own release. he leaned down, to bite into my shoulder, his sweat dripping onto my chest.

“be good for me, cmon.” i could hear the sounds of his effort.

with one final deep thrust, he froze. he groaned, as he let out a long and shaking sound. i felt the hot, thick cum flooding inside of me. he pumped into me several times. “so good.. fucking good.”

he collapsed on top of me, his weight crushing and comforting at the same time. we lay there for a long time, trying to catch our breath. the room smelled of sex and sweat. i wrapped my arms around him. i felt the wetness of our combined fluids leaking out of me, sticking us together. jake shifted, kissing my temple, his voice was soft now.

“i’m sorry i have been so busy.” he whispered.

i squeezed him tighter. “its okay. just don't ever leave me.”

he didn't answer, but he didn't have to. i could feel the way he clung to me, the way his fingers dug into my hips. it was the same desperation i felt.

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꒰🐾୭ taglist: @yunniesdearest

꩜ .ᐟ pairing: local boy!jake x f!reader

⋆˚࿔ part 1 , part 2 -> click ⤸

summary: reader is a uni student in nyc whose life is upended when she travels to brisbane for her nineteenth birthday, where she meets a local boy and a fleeting summer begins to mean more than it should. ⊹ ࣪ ˖

genre: summer romance · ldr · smut ೀ

word count: 8.9k -> (not proof read)

⤷ featuring: moka (illit) , riki (enhypen)

taglist: status -> {open} comment ᝰ.ᐟ

warnings: degration/praise, dirty talk, emotional conflict, fingering, hate sex (?), illegal club/drugs, making out, nose fucking, pet names, p. licking, smut, smoking, strong language, toxic relationship, unprotected p. in v. -> MDNI ⸝⸝

⤷ notes: hii, i’m so sorry that it took me this long to post the second part :( but here it is. make sure to read the first part too so everything make sense! enjoy 𑣲

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24 hours later.

i sat in one of my boring classes. jake hadn’t replied since i got back from brisbane. he read my message,

“you promised me you will visit me in nyc.”

but he didn’t reply.

june 6. - 9:30, monday

i checked my phone again, to see if i got any new notifications.

no notifications, no text or signal from jake’s side.

maybe he was busy with university, his family or friends, but deep down i knew he was ignoring me because he had made himself clear the last time we spoke.

“it was just sex.”

i rolled my eyes as the professor continued talking about a topic, that i lost interest the second he started it.

i looked out of my university’s window. new york city, my hometown. for now it was a sunny day, which gave me a rare feeling because it was usually rainy and foggy, but in june? it was the perfect weather for outside activities. the tourists filled the streets with laughter, happiness and enjoyment. new york has always been famous at this time of year. it was the perfect weather to enjoy a walk, around the times square.

my uni was located on W. 42nd street, from where i had a perfect view of the tourists and the famous sights.

moka snapped me out of my thoughts. she was 40 minutes late to this class, but somehow she still managed to sneak in when the professor wasn’t looking.

“hii.” she greeted me with a quick smile. “how was brisbane?”

i gave him a quick nod. “it was good.. i had a pretty good birthday.”

she saw the hesitation in my eyes. “truth, now.”

i rolled my eyes. “ugh.. fine.” i leaned closer to whisper because our professor already looked irritated.

“i met with this cute guy. his name is jake, we accidentally met because alex ran into him on the beach.” i quickly pulled my phone out, to show his insta account.

moka gasped when she saw one of his posts. jake posing on the beach, the wind made his wet hair messy, the sun caught on his jawline, he was shirtless..

“stop..” i whispered to myself, because my thoughts started getting dirty again.

“so this is him.” i smiled. “the thing is we started getting into something, then on my birthday we had sex.. then he just brushed me off like it was nothing.”

moka couldn’t care less about what was i was saying, she was too busy to drool over his pictures.

“are you listening to me?” i asked, as i snapped my phone out of her hand.

“girl.. he looks like a sex god.”

i nodded. “he is, just like i said we had sex, but then he brushed me off like it meant nothing.”

moka shook her head. “he has too much ego. at least he was good in bed, but don’t worry your pretty head about boys like him.”

“LADIES IN THE BACK ROW!” our professor yelled at us.

we immediately looked down to our laptop to focus on the new topic.

“6$, please.” said the guy from behind the counter.

i have never been a much of a smoker, sometimes i smoked at parties or with my friends, but alone? rarely. i don’t know what got me attached to jake this much, but i couldn’t get him out of my head. his scent, touches, feelings and moans lingered in my memory.

“here.” i said, as it put the slightly crumpled dollars on the counter.

he nodded. “the exchange.”

“thanks.” i smiled, as i picked up the marlboro pack and walked out the store.

the wind slightly messed up my hair as i stepped outside. i pulled my leather jacket tighter around myself to not catch a cold. the sky had already started darkening. it was filled with clouds, like it wanted to match with my emotions.

i pulled out my old lighter, the streetlight caught on its edges. on both sides there were cute drawing and symbols, that my friends had left there before they gifted to it me on my eighteenth birthday.

after a few click the cigarette lit up, the small orange glow reflecting on my face. it curled warmly around my skin. the smells instantly grossed me out, it brought back old memories i didn’t want to remember. eventually i inhaled properly, and let the smoke fill my lungs. i started walking back to my small apartment, which my parents helped me to pay for. my footsteps echoed on the street, only a few students laughing or walking around the campus were audible.

i arrived home exhausted, the classes tired me out physically and mentally. i looked around. home sweet home. maybe some people would have laugh about it, because there wasn’t much space, but for me it was enough. the walls were cream-coloured, it was decorated with a few photos i had taken my friends. my comfy bed was pushed against the wall, still unmade because in the morning i hadn’t bothered to make it. my tiny desk was filled with notebooks and half-empty coffee cups. i walked to the kitchen to make myself a mug of chamomile tea, the kitchen was squeezed into one corner, only a mini fridge, a stovetop, and a sink that was surprisingly clean.

i changed out of my slightly wet clothes, which had become dirty when the cars drove into a puddle on the street and splashed water on my clothes. i didn’t evn bother to fold them properly, i just pulled a tank top over my head, and paired it with a grey sweatpants that hung low on my hips.

my tea was finally ready. i settled onto the kitchen counter, to take a sip from my warm mug. the soft chamomile flavour lingered on my tongue. i finally felt calm and not anxious for once. i checked my phone again. no notifications.

32 hours. 32 hours later jake was still ignoring me.

then.

“beep.”

@jake.sim

new message.

really? it took 32 hours for jake to finally reply to one message? the anxiety crept back into my mind. i lifted my phone slowly, as i opened our chat.

@jake.sim: hi, can we talk?

@y.n: we can, if you can finally tell me what’s going on. you ignored me for 32 hours. you treated me like i meant nothing.

@jake.sim: look, i was busy.

@y.n: really? that’s your excuse?

@jake.sim: just hear me out, please..?

@y.n: fine.

seen.

he read my message 10 minutes ago, he told me he would tell me what’s going on so why isn’t he writing anything? what is he doing again? is he ignoring me for the third time?

@jake.sim

new voice message. 2:15 minute.

i took a deep breath, as i clicked on the play button.

his voice was slightly deep, like he was already half asleep.

“hi, angel.. i wanted to explain why i acted the way i did. i should have told you this sooner, but i couldn’t.. my last relationship was really toxic. she used me, she used me for comfort and affection. she told me i was her everything, that i didn’t have to worry about anything because she would always be by my side. she kept saying nothing bad would happen as long as i wasn’t disrespectful towards her. i never understood it because i was too blinded to see her bad intentions. she manipulated me into something that looked like a healthy way of communicating. i thought i had gotten over it, that i had left her in the past, but then i met with you. i started feeling that same anxious feeling again, i didn’t want to get hurt, i didn’t want it.. mhm.. i was scared..”

his voice cracked slightly, i could hear it in his voice how close he was to crying. his breath caught to swallow the tears back.

“i was scared that it will happen again, and i didn’t want to feel mistreated and controlled. i thought about you a lot since you left, how sweet and kind you were with me. i’m so sorry.. for saying those rude things to you.. i’m sorry for ignoring you..”

the first tear slipped down on his cheek.

“i promised you i will come to new york, please gorgeous.. let me go there and fix it, for real now.”

voice message stopped playing.

i locked my phone. my heart dropped the moment he finished talking. i felt how my breath fastened. it wasn’t just what he said, it was how he said it. the way his voice cracked, breath slowed down and tears rolled down on his cheeks. i felt that it was deeper than he wanted to admit it. he had been carrying it alone for so long that even speaking it out loud hurt. i felt stuck, i wanted to comfort him, but i didn’t know what kind of comfort he needed. all i could think was that he didn’t deserve this.

@y.n: why didn’t you tell me this sooner.. i’m so so sorry. your words really hurt me, but if you can then come.. we can talk it out.

my throat still felt tight, i still couldn’t put the puzzle pieces together..

⸻

my alarm went off on monday’s morning.

6:00.

i immediately knew it was already evening for jake. in the next past few days we faced time a lot. even when it was too early for him or too late for me. we didn’t talk much about what is happening between us right now, we just tried to understand each other’s life and personality.

i pulled my laptop out of my school bag, and flipped it open, my thumb lingered on the touchpad. i almost clicked the small video call icon, then remembered i just woke up.

“aahh… shitt..” i murmured as i quickly put my hair in a bun, brushed my teeth, tried to make myself presentable. i moved back to my bed, and clicked the “call” button.

it rang once, twice..

then i saw his cute, half-asleep face, like he had just woken up from a nap.

“hi.” i smiled, as i adjusted my laptop’s camera. “were you sleeping?”

“mhm..” he let out a small groan, as his eyes roamed over his laptop screen, like he was memorising my face over and over again. “stunner..”

i raised my eyebrows. “stunner?”

he shook his head a bit, as he pushed himself up to his elbows. “australian slang.. sorry, what time is it for you?”

i looked over to my small alarm clock on my nightstand. “6:13, i woke up like 5 minutes ago.” i smiled.

he chuckled. “liar.”

“fine, fine.” i murmured. “maybe i did my hair, to look presentable.”

“you always look incredibly gorgeous, but i appreciate the effort.”

“i will have classes soon.” i said disappointed, as i put my head down to my pillow, my eyes couldn’t move away from the screen.

“you’re so full of it.” jake laughed. “waking up sooner so you can talk to me? what did i do to deserve this.” he put his hand together, a small sign of how much he appreciated it.

“i couldn’t go on my day without seeing your puppy face.. i miss you..” i whispered as my voice started becoming a bit clingy.

i heard the doorbell ring behind him, he slightly sat up to turn his head. “ahh shit.. i invited some of my bros over. i’m sorreee..”

i smiled. “it’s okay, have fun alright?”

he smirked. “don’t worry we will, good luck for uni.” he stopped for a moment to roam his eyes over my face again, then looked down to his sweatpants.

i laughed.

“naurr.. i’m just a bit hard, you know how it is.” he whined. “i might have to jerk off later and just send you a selfie.” he winked.

i opened my arms. “i’m waiting.”

he chuckled. “be careful.. angel.”

i nodded, as i send him a flying kiss.

jake took his hand on his chest. “straight into my heart.”

“you’re soo corny, stop.” i chuckled.

“only for you.” he winked again, then disconnected the call.

⸻

a few days later i found myself in a nyc club, it was promoted by my university, so we had free access to the VIP section.

it was a real nyc party, that i have mentioned jake in the past. wild, loud music, alcohol and drugs.

i was never shy about it, i always let people know that yes i’m a party animal, it just gave me an adrenaline rush. the way the music was loud enough to feel it in my chest. the way the lights flashed across the room in colors. red, blue and white.

tonight i had a mission, to drink until my eyes only see blurry faces, to party until my feet hurt and to enjoy the night with my friends.

i made my way towards moka, who sat in the club other side.

“yaa moka.” i yelled over the crowd, loud enough to make her hear it.

she turned around instantly, as cocky smile formed on her face, she lifted her cocktail in greeting.

“there she is!” she shouted back so i can hear her over the loud music.

i pushed through the crowd to her.

i smiled to random strangers as i continue bumping into them while i made my towards her. “sorry- yeah, excuse me- sorry-“ my shoulder brushing against their sweaty shoulders, trying to not push anything too hard.

the music hit harder the closer i got to her.

moka hold a hand towards me so i can finally reach her.

“you’re late.” she shouted as i finally reached her.

“sorry.. i got hold up” i said, grabbing her arm.

she was already dragging me to the bar section. “by who?”

“mhm.. you know just school’s stuff.”

she gave me an annoyed look while she ordered for us. “don’t tell me you spoke to that sex god again.”

“don’t call him that.. but yeah.”

she let out a gasp, and started drinking. “he hurt you, you should just forget him.”

she said, and slide me a drink.

“what’s this?” i raised my glass.

“something strong, u clearly need it. so tell me about everything.”

and i did. i told her the video calls, his toxic relationship and that he was busy with university.

“so yeah.. we are just trying to figure out each other’s past life and personality.” i choked down my drink in one go.

i finished my monologue, as i looked around. the club was already crowded, students partying, trying to forget the pressure of exams and school.

“i go order another drink, you go ahead to the others!” i yelled over the music to moka.

she nodded and already danced his ways towards the boys.

i pushed my empty glass to the bartender. “another one.”

for a minute i just looked around, trying to get my nyc mindset back, and leave jake out of my thoughts for a moment.

“i didn’t think i would see you here.” he said it with a cocky smile as he sat down next to me.

my ex drug dealer, riki. he was my dealer through high school, always kept my secrets and always gave me the drugs like they were lollies. never questioned me if i didn’t have enough money, never questioned me why i needed to meet with him twice a week instead of once. my past was really dark for me, i couldn’t go a day without getting high or feel a bit of weed in my lungs. once we almost got caught so i realised maybe i should stop with drugs. riki told me he won’t turn me in, if i hookup with him. back then i had feelings for him so of course i said yes to him. well.. yes he was attractive, he is still so fucking attractive.

i looked up to him. “hey..” i said, trying to act cold as i sipped my whiskey.

riki immediately smirked as he slipped into the chair next to me. “hey beautiful. long time no see.”

i nodded, trying to look busy, hoping he would maybe get the hint and leave.

“aww~ come on,” he said, with a quiet laugh. “if you come to this club, don’t expect not to see me.” he quickly turned to the bartender and ordered a drink for himself.

“are you still a dealer?” i asked quietly.

his smirk vanished. “that’s not your fucking business. you quit.”

“geez, i just asked.”

“yeah, sure.” he chuckled. “i don’t trust you since you left us. it was ride or die, our team.”

“i was underage, doing drugs. of course i quit.” i rolled my eyes. “it was never a good choice in the first place.”

“sure sure.” he said, sarcasm dripping from his voice. “don’t tell me you don’t miss it… being with the team, getting high and all of that.”

“it’s- it’s in the past.” i said, rolling one of my shoulders. but in the back of my mind.. i missed it.

riki reached out, to brush a few loose strands of my hair aside, tucking them gently behind my ear. “don’t tell me you don’t miss us..”

his touch was too soft, too familiar.

“maybe..” i gave him a small nod.

“there it is.” he whispered, thumb brushing lightly against my cheek. “do you have someone?”

did i? or was jake just playing with me again? was i just something he wanted or just something that filled the silence for him?

i shook my head. “it’s nothing serious yet..” but shit, it was serious for me.

“mhm” he smirked. “am i getting lucky tonight?” he leaned closer, his lips brushing against my temple.

“maybe we shouldn’t..” i whispered, but my body was already starting to give in, when my phone lit up.

@sim.jake

new message

i looked down at my phone. when i saw his name, my heart beat stopped for a second.

riki’s breath was still warm against my skin, as his hand rested lightly on my cheek. “who texted?” he murmured, angling his head to get a better look at my phone.

i just stared at the screen, then quickly locked it before he could see the notification.

“aren’t you gonna answer that?” he asked it with a low voice.

i put my phone down as i exhaled. “it’s nothing.” pulling my head away from his touch.

“didn’t look like nothing.” his hand immediately reached for my phone.

“it’s just a friend” i said, moving it out of his reach. “seriously just stop.”

he leaned back, enough to look at me properly.

“a friend?” he chuckled , raising an eyebrow.

“yeah, it’s not your business.”

he studied my face for a moment. “you still act so mysterious around me, it’s adorable.” he said then stood up to leave.

“i’m happy for you if you found the right way. don’t screw it up again.” then he leaned down, to brush a kiss against my jaw. “later, beautiful.”

i exhaled slowly, trying to calm my racing thoughts. i picked up my phone with shaky hands to look at the message.

@sim.jake: i got the tickets… i’m coming to nyc

a minute later.

@sim.jake: photo attached

i tapped on the photo with an anxious feeling, then he appeared on my screen.

he was lying in the bed. his hair messy, falling into his eyes like he had just woken up from a nap. his hoodie pulled over his head, slightly hiding his adorable face. the fabric slightly twisted, like he hadn’t even bothered to fix it. his face still soft with sleep. he held the tickets up lazily, trying to make it look presentable.

my thumb hovered over the screen for a second. i quickly stood up and paid for my drinks.

“thanks.” i smiled at the bartender, then my eyes wandered around the club, searching for moka. as my eyes found her i smiled and waved to her that i’m going home.

i stepped out of the club, as the cold air hit my face immediately, it refreshed the heat and noise inside. i took a slow breath in then exhaled. the cold new york air filled my lungs.

@y.n: i’m so happy.

pack warm clothes.

can’t wait to see you xoxo.

i locked my phone to finally head home. i felt a bit tipsy and riki’s sweet talk didn’t help me figure anything out either. i had been trying to work on my relationship with jake these weeks, but riki still managed to pull my thoughts away in a second. why did he still has an impact on me? why did my heart race again, when it was just a hookup?

⸻

“communication isn’t just about what we say.” my professor said as he wrote something on the board. “it’s about timing, intention… and what we choose not to say.”

it’s been already a week, since jake told me he is coming. i was sitting in class, half listening and half asleep. a few students nodded after every sentence my professor said, typing on their laptops.

i couldn’t. my gaze drifted to the window, trying to escape at least mentally from there. new york stretched out in front of me. it was busy and loud, people rushing like they had somewhere important to be, cars moving around like they always did.

i had one thought in my head, jake was arriving today. after weeks of communicating, trying to figure out each other it all felt surreal. my mind kept replaying everything from brisbane. our first meeting, our first sunset, our first kiss and our first sex which was followed by an argument..

my fingers tightened slightly around my pen. i couldn’t stop worrying about what if jake does it again, what if i piss him of, what if..

stop..

somehow between late-night calls and conversations, it just all became real. like we had been in a long distance relationship for years now.

in the end we didn’t book an airbnb for jake. everything in nyc was ridiculously expensive, and every time we tried to look, it turned into “we will figure it out later.”

and guess what, we did not figure out at all.

he was staying for five days, but i wasn’t sure if i wanted him in my own apartment, because what if we get into an argument? what if i get horny and i will just want him..

stop.. i thought in myself again, i started getting ridiculously anxious.

the plan still wasn’t sure. i supposed i would just show him around my city, walking him through it like a tour guide, but would we be just pretend that everything is okay between us?

i swallowed slightly to snap myself out of my thoughts.

my phone lit up.

@sim.jake

new messages

⸻

the moment jake stepped out of the airport, everything felt so different. new york wasn’t like brisbane. it didn’t slow down or wait for jake. it moved fast. people rushed past him like he wasn’t even there. everything was a background noise. suitcases rolling, voices overlapping and taxis yelling at each other. no one cared about each other. everyone just knew they have to be somewhere.

jake shifted his bag higher on his shoulder, trying to step to the side to not get in anyone’s way.

“sorry-“ he whispered quickly, as he bumped into someone. they didn’t even bother to look at him.

he let out a quiet breath, running a hand through his hair to push it back slightly but it was no use, it fell right back into his eyes.

the place felt more bigger, louder and colder than he expected. he swallowed slightly, then remembered i was here, waiting for him, somewhere in this chaos.

he pulled his phone out, without thinking. my chat was still open, my last message.

i’m so happy.

pack warm clothes.

can’t wait to see you xoxo.

a small smile appeared on his lips. “you better be.” he murmured under his breath.

“hey, move!”

a voice snapped him out of his thoughts, as someone pushed past him harder this time.

“sorry.” jake looked around, but he felt smaller than he expected it. in the chaos of this big city, his eyes turned into puppy eyes. the light catching his soft brown eyes. clearly lost and not knowing where the airport exit was.

the first thing jake’s eyes caught was the tall buildings and tight streets, cars squeezed together next to each other.

another shoulder brushed against his.

“watch it, dude.” someone muttered.

“yeah- sorry.”

if i had known jake was in this situation, i would have skipped my uni classes for him, to make sure that he wasn’t feeling lost in a big city like this.

his fingers tightened around his phone again. waiting for a message from me or for an address of my apartment. his eyes went around the city. noises, voices, too many eyes on him. his chest felt tight. because what if it wasn’t the same?

what if everything he thought we built through a screen didn’t feel the same in real life? what if he messed it up again?

“don’t overthink it.”

his thumb hovered over our chat again.

@sim.jake: i’m in the city centre.

where should i go..?

i’m a bit lost :(

the second my class ended, i quickly packed my things. ignoring that my friends tried to talk to me. i shoved my laptop into my bag while students around me slowly stood up like they have every time in the world. for them, it probably was a normal day, but for me..?

i felt anxious asf..

i was meeting with jake today but at the same time he was somewhere in nyc. in a city he had never been before, probably completely lost.

the thought alone made my stomach twist, in a good and in a bad way. i pulled my phone out as i walked down the university stairs. no new messages, just his last messages.

i’m a bit lost :(

i bit the inside of my cheek before typing a new message:

@y.n: where are you right now?

the com air brushed against my skin the second i stepped outside, nyc was loud like always, for me it was normal but again for jake.. totally new.

my phone buzzed in my hand.

@sim.jake: i think i’m near some huge ass screen

and too many people

help

@y.n: jake that literally describes all of nyc 😭

@sim.jake: okay well there’s naked cowboys here

and elmo just scared me

@y.n: oh my god you’re in times square

@sim.jake: i hate this city already

@y.n: stay there, i’m coming ^^

time square, of course.

the most overwhelming place possible for him.

i adjusted my skirt as i walked faster down the sidewalk, my sneakers hitting against the pavement, as i rushed between people.

i actually spent way too much time choosing what to wear this morning. i was anxious about what jake will say. in the end i chose a white lace top with long sleeves, paired with a soft pink tennis skirt. it was simple but enough to make me feel pretty, and maybe enough to make me wonder if jake would stare for too long again.

the closer i got to the center, of course the louder everything became, bright creens flashing advertisements over buildings, people dressed in ridiculous costumes trying to get attention. those ridiculous costumes were probably the exact things that scared him.

my eyes drifted across times square, trying to find him between the moving crowd. every dark hoodie and basketball cap made my heart jump for a second before realizing it wasn’t him.

then my eyes drifted to him, standing near the corner with his bag resting against one shoulder, basketball cap low over his eyes, grey hoodie slightly oversized on him, baggy jeans of course, his favourite pair.

he looked around slowly, clearly trying to find me in the crowd, even that he was standing in the corner of the street, people kept bumping into him. his eyes tired from the flight, hair peeking out from under the cap messily. and him being taller than most people around him, still somehow he looked lost, like a puppy abandoned in the middle of a city that moved too fast for him.

as his eyes landed on me, i gave him a small wave, as i watched his expression change in a second, his confusion and the tension in his shoulders disappeared.

he moved to my way, still bumping into people’s like he was on a mission who needed to come closer as soon as he can. a quiet chuckle escaped from my throat. he stopped right in front of me, still out of breath from walking so fast through the crowd. it felt like we were both trying to process that this wasn’t another facetime where we can end the call if we start an argument.

“hi. he said quietly, as the corner of his lips lifted into a nervous smile.

“hi..” gosh, why was i suddenly this shy?

jake adjusted the strap of his bag awkwardly on his shoulder, as he glanced around us for a second.

“this place is actually insane.” he muttered. “i almost got hit by like three taxis.”

i laughed softly. “only three? that’s an impressive record for your first hour in nyc.”

“be serious.” he smiled. “i genuinely thought i was gonna die crossing the street.”

“that’s because you walk too slow.” he looked offended.

“i do not walk slow.”

“you absolutely do.” i teased him.

“i walk normal, but here everyone’s just sprint everywhere.”

i smiled properly for the first time since seeing him. “yeah, i know..” his expression softened so fast it almost made my chest hurt.

“nah.. you’re smiling.” he said quietly, as he softly connected his fist with my chest.

“maybe.. but you’re staring.”

“can you blame me?” his eyes drifted to my body then before quickly looked away after realizing what he just said.

a few seconds of silence settled between us again, as i hold his gaze.

“you look pretty.” he finally said quietly. his eyes drifting over my outfit properly. “like really pretty.”

“thanks.” i smiled softly.

“that skirt is dangerous.” he raised his one of his eyes brow as he smirked.

i looked down at his outfit. “you look like a lost teenage boy.”

“im a lost teenage boy, who’s kinda craving for hugs from his favourite girl.”

i looked up to him.

“so, can i hug you, gorgeous?”

i stared at him for a second after he asked that, a little smile formed on my lips. “shut up, gorgeous my ass.” i muttered.

“your ass is gorgeous too.” he chuckled, as he opened his arms awkwardly

i stepped closer first, but jake made the first move. the second his arms wrapped around me, he pulled me against him, like he had been waiting to do that ever since he landed.

“you’re still so warm.” i whispered, because yes that was the first thing i noticed. warm hoodie, hands and breath against the top of my head.

“you’re actually here.” he mumbled quietly. my fingers curled into the material of his hoodie. the people who continued rushing past us faded into the background, their voices and hurried footsteps became just a distant noise.

his chin rested lightly against the top of my head for a second. “you smell the same.” he murmured.

i pulled back slightly to look at him. “that’s such a weird thing to say.”

“naur wait..” he started laughing. “i didn’t mean it in a creepy way.”

“yeah sure, u absolutely did.”

“i meant it in a comforting way!”

i nod as i laughed quietly. “fine fine, mr. weirdo.”

his expression softened again the second he heard it, he felt so relieved, that he found comfort in a city he has never been. his hands still rested lightly against my waist, really carefully, like he was scared he would hurt me if he held too tight.

“i really missed you.” he admitted finally after a moment.

⸻

the next three days passed by strangely fast, like really fast, like nyc itself was swallowing the hours before i could fully process the memories. jake followed me everywhere like a lost puppy, honestly it was really adorable.

jake really liked my apartment, even that it was small, he loved it. the first morning, i found him half asleep in the tiny kitchen, wearing the same grey hoodie, as he was trying to figure out the coffee machine with sleepy eyes.

“you have been staring at that thing for five minutes.” i laughed as i leaned against the counter.

“it hates me.” he muttered seriously with his deep sleepy voice.

“it’s a coffee machine. nothing deep.”

“no, it’s evil.” i walked over to him and presses one single button, the machine immediately started working.

jake stared at it in betrayal. “you embarrassed me in my own home.”

“this isn’t your home jake, it’s my apt.”

he pointed at me tiredly. “leave, u betrayed me too.”

most of our days became walking, a lot of walking. in nyc you had to walk to some places, you couldn’t just take the subway to everywhere, but it was too much walking for jake’s liking.

i showed him downtown first. the crowded streets of manhattan, tiny cafés squeezed between buildings, random bookstores and the street musicians performing near subway entrances. jake looked around nervously, like he was scared he would miss something if he blinked too long.

“you seriously live like this?” he asked as we crossed another busy street.

“what do you mean? like what?”

“like sardines.”

i laughed. “oh my gosh.. jake stop, you’re so dramatic.”

“there’s genuinely too many people here.”

despite his whining, he genuinely loved nyc, specially at night. it sometimes just felt softer. the lights reflecting against the sidewalks, the late-night food stands still open and people laughing at the outside bars.

jake kept stopping every few seconds just to look around. his attention was shifting from A to B, really like a puppy.

the second day, i took him to central park, which was probably the calmest place he seen since he arrived.

“this is the first place here that doesn’t make me anxious.” he admitted.

“awh poor little australian boy.”

“i’m serious.” he smirked. “why are there sirens every ten minutes?”

“thats just nyc ambiance.”

“that’s terrifying ambiance.”

we walked slowly through the park with coffee cups in our hands. jake’s shoulder kept brushing against mine with every step he took. at some point, he reached for my hand, like it wasn’t even something he thought about, just something he wanted to do since a long time.

“you’re quiet.” he said softly after noticing me staring at our intertwined hands.

“just you know thinking.”

“that’s usually dangerous.”

i rolled my eyes. “shut up, dummy.”

he smiled immediately as he heard the nickname, then squeezed my hand gently.

that night, we ended up back at my apt again, we curled up together on the couch as some random movie played in the background but neither of us were paying attention to. we didn’t think about getting more intimate, just us being comfortable with each other. jake’s arm rested lazily around my waist while my legs laid across his lap.

“you know.” his fingers traced random shapes against my arm.” i thought this is gonna be awkward.”

“it was awkward.”

“okay, maybe.” he laughed. “but now it’s not, right?”

i looked up at him slightly, as i nod.

on the third night, i made the mistake of bringing him to a real nyc party. i promised jake i will show him the real party. so here we are. the question is that was i dumb enough to take jake to the club where riki was usually there?

yes.

this club was called Vice District, i spent my high school’s years here, so i had a lot of memory from here. i think the club’s name speaks for itself.

it was one of those underground manhattan clubs hidden behind a dark alley with a small neon sign glowing red above the entrance. outside of the club, groups of students leaned against the brick walls while smoking, (probably something illegal) as they talked and laughed too loudly.

inside was worse, the entire place felt suffocating in the best way possible, well maybe not for jake. dim lights flashing red and green across sweaty bodies, mirrors covering the walls, alcohol spilling onto the floor and loud bass shaking the floor hard enough to feel inside your chest.

i wore a short black leather skirt with sheer tights and a dark grey off-shoulder top that slipped down one shoulder every few minutes.

jake stayed in his usual style, in australia he never went to parties like this. he wore a baggy dark jeans, a random cream white hoodie layered under a leather jacket. of course paired with his basketball cap that was pulled low over his eyes.

“is this even legal?” jake asked after the security barely checked his ID.

i laughed as i lead him more into the bar. “i mean mostly it is.”

“you seriously come to places like this?”

“i just came here often in the past, but you know i changed.”

“look i don-“ i didn’t let him to finish his sentence, my lips brushed against his gently, slow enough to make him stop thinking for a second, he slowly kissed me back, surprisingly warm and careful despite the loud chaos around us.

“you did that on purpose.” he whispered against my lips.

“it worked, come on aussie boy.”

at first everything went smoothly, we danced, drank and talked between songs, trying to soothe jake’s overthinking thoughts.

but then my eyes looked on someone.

riki.

he was leaning lazily against the bar like he owned the entire club, which wasn’t far away from the truth. one hand wrapped around a shot glass while the other rested inside the pocket of his leather jacket.

he was talking to one of the security guards. silver rings covered almost every finger, a thin chain resting against the black shirt he wore. his dark hair was messy and a small scar near his eyebrow had become part of his signature look.

his eyes wandered around the crowd, that’s when his eyes landed on me.

i quickly shook my head. no no this isn’t happening. i turned to jake, trying not to panic. “hey, wanna drink another round?”

jake noticed how my expression changed.

“are u okay?”

i quickly nodded. “yeah.. uhh..” i touched my forehead. “isn’t it hot here?”

unfortunately, riki had already started walking toward us, in the exact moment when jake was ready to leave.

“well, well.” riki chuckled once he reached us. “am i seeing my favourite client?”

fuck my life.

“hi riki.” i said quickly, trying to push jake towards the exit.

his eyes immediately drifted toward riki. “who’s this?”

“baby, it’s no one, please let’s go.”

riki tilt his head. “baby? cute.” he leaned slightly closer toward me. “you disappeared after last time.”

jake’s jaw tightened almost immediately, as my finger curled into his sleeves, because i already felt the tension building.

“last time?” jake repeated, looking at me.

“relax” riki laughed. “i’m not stealing your little girlfriend.”

jake didn’t laugh at all, he wasn’t the type to start something violent, but he hated finding things out last. it made something in his chest tighten, not anger, but something like disappointment and betrayal. still he was more mature about these things now, he knew that if something was meant to be real or meant to be his, it wouldn’t come from insecurity.

“she used to be fun tho.” riki continued. “before she started acting all innocent.”

“riki” i warned him.

“what?” he shrugged. “it’s true or should i ask mark too? he is here somewhere.”

jake looked between us carefully, like he was piecing things together in real time. that look never meant good things.

he leaned down to one of my ears to whisper. “you never told me you knew dealers like this.”

“because it’s in the past.”

“clearly not if he’s looking at you like that.”

riki smirked slightly, clearly enjoying it.

“it wasn’t like that.” i said it quickly.

one of riki’s friend waved him over. “see you later darling.” then he walked back to the bar area.

jake let out a quiet laugh. “wow you literally froze the second he came to us.”

“yes because i knew you would react like this.”

“maybe because this is weird as fuck?”

the argument stayed quiet. “please jake let’s not start this right now.”

“you said you quit all that.” jake muttered.

“i did.”

“then why does he still act like you belong to him?”

“i can’t control other people!” my voice came out harsher than i expected it.

jake looked away first, rubbing his hand over his face tiredly. “i don’t wanna do this here.”

and suddenly i felt guilty, because e flew across the world to see me, and j brought him into my past and mess.

the taxi ride back to my apt was painfully quiet. i tried to start a conversation multiple times, but jake didn’t improve it. he just sat there silently, his hoodie pulled over his head again, staring out of the window, the rain lightly hit the windows as nyc blurred outside.

“are you mad?” i asked nervously.

“i’m trying not to be.”

“that means yes.”

he exhaled slowly. “i just..” he started, as he shook his head. “i feel like there’s still parts of you i don’t know.”

the second we entered the apt, jake dropped his bag near the couch and stood there quietly for a moment. “did you love him?” he asked as he poured warm water into one if my mugs to make a tea for himself.

“we hooked up once..” i looked away. “it is all in the past jake i’m serious.”

“it’s in the past? then why did he look at you like that?”

the hum of the refrigerator filled the silence. for me it felt uncomfortable, i felt nothing good about us, after jake met with riki. i knew it will be something like this, silence filled with awkwardness.

jake leaned against the counter, his dark eyes were fixed on me. the nyc air, even filtered through the airbnb’s walls. it felt thick, heavy and uncomfortable with unspoken words of an argument that had ended a continent away.

“still running from things?” his voice cut through the silence. “i don’t want to start an argument but you know that u could have just talk to me.”

i traced my fingers on his tea mug, the camomile smell filled the air. “talk about what?”

“i don’t know that maybe your ex dealer still acts like he’s in love with you.”

“you’re overreacting.” jake let out a dry laugh.

“it really felt like i was interrupting something.”

“jake seriously nothing happened, he always act like this.” i really tried to make my point, i really wanted him to believe that i love him.

“i know what i saw, the way u looked at him, like a part of you still wanted that life.” he looked away for a second as his jaw tightened.

“that’s not fair.” i shook my head.

“isn’t it?” he raised his eyebrows. my apt suddenly felt smaller, too warm and quiet.

i sighed. “you don’t know what that time of my life was like.”

“you’re fucking right, because you never tell me anything.”

“that’s not true.”

“you tell me things after they happen.” jake snapped his fingers. “y/n i’m literally here for you, why can’t you never talk to me?”

i rolled my eyes tiredly.

“no seriously.” he stepped closer, frustration really showing properly on his face. “every time i think i understand you, something else happens.”

“that doesn’t mean i lied to you.”

“you hid it, you hide everything all the time. your feeling, actions, literally everything.”

“because i knew you would judge me.”

jake immediately felt hurt. “i’m not judging you, i’m trying to understand why your ex dealer still thinks he can touch you like that!”

i didn’t know what to react, unfortunately he had a point.

jake looked down for a second before laughing to himself. “you know what the worst part is?”

i looked up to him, to hold his gaze.

“i flew across the world for you.”

“no, jake don-“

he continued without letting me finish my sentence. “and instead of enjoying nyc with you. i’m standing here wondering if i even fully know the person i came for.”

“that’s so so unfair.” i whispered.

jake nodded. “yes maybe.”

“answering to your question.. you know.. some things are worth running from, some aren’t..” my eyes didn’t search his. the memory of our night in melbourne filled my mind. the heated words and slamming doors still stung, and now this argument joined into that memory album too. but so did the memory of his hands and mouth on my skin.

he slowly pushed off the counter to come closer to me. each of his steps across the floorboards made me lose of my control. he stopped inches from my face. my nose immediately recognised his scent, a sweet cologne he always wore.

“when you will finally communicate with me?” a corner of his lips twitched, his eyes filled with care, his breath danced across my jaw. “i’m literally here, front of you.”

he reached out to brush a stray strand of hair from my cheek. his thumb felt like a light touch that sent a shiver down my spine.

“jake.. you’re complicated.” i whispered as i tried to turn away. “let’s finish this.”

“u funny..” he chuckled, and turned me back towards him. “there’s nothing wrong with me being complicated, predictable is boring.” his fingers tangled in my hair, trying to tilt my head back to expose the delicate line of my throat. his gaze dropped to my lips, then back to my eyes. desperately seeking for permission. “i didn’t fly here to argue with you.”

my heart pumped against my ribs. my mind was trying to escape from the bad memories and tryin to focus on the present. he was here, in my city. the argument, the distance and every bad feeling started to wash away.

“what do you want jake..?”

he leaned in, to brush his lips against my ear. “u tell me.. gorgeous.” he looked down to my lips again then back to my eyes. “u know u gotta communicate.. but if my eyes aren’t wrong..”

he pulled back, his eyes fixed on my nipples. tight and aching. pressing against the soft fabric of my shirt, already wanting to escape.

“your body is already trying to communicate.”

i felt a deep and warm liquid forming between my thighs.

he didn't wait much, his hand slid from my hair, down my neck, over my shoulder, and then finally he find his way to my hips. he pulled me flush against him, his already hard erection pressed into my belly.

i swallowed.

“there it is.” he murmured, his voice filled with desire. his lips found mine. a desperate, hungry kiss that left me breathless. his tongue plunged inside of my mouth, already exploring every curve, tasting the lingering tea and my own sweetness. i shyly met with his tongue to match with his rhythm.

i broke the kiss, letting my forehead resting against his, trying to catch my breath.

jake didn’t waste any more time. he led me with a firm tug out of the kitchen and down the short hallway into the bedroom.

the city lights cast a soft glow on the airbnb’s bed. he didn’t release me until he was a step apart from me. his hands settled down on my hips, as he undressed me with his eyes.

he stripped off his own tshirt first. the movements were fluid, revealing the hard muscles of his chest.

i watched his bare chest, trying to memorise it, while focusing on my own breathing to not speed up.

“take it off.” he commanded, throwing his tshirt to the floor.

my fingers were frozen, i couldn’t even move. my eyes were still focused on his muscles.

“eyes up, gorgeous.” he leaned down to my lips to whisper against it. “and don’t make me repeat myself.”

i nod as i felt him watching me, his gaze didn’t move an inch from my clothes.

i touched the buttons of my blouse with shaking fingers. it finally fell open, revealing my lace bra. he reached out, to trace his fingers on the delicate fabric, then dropping down to cup my breast. a low moan escaped from my throat.

“mhm.. jake.”

he knelt before me, unexpectedly never leaving my eyes. with a gentle touch he reached for the hem of my skirt, his fingers brushing against my bare thighs as he slowly unzipped it. i stepped out of it then letting it fall with my underwear.

i stood before him. i felt naked and vulnerable. he kissed my inner thighs again.

“come on.. i already saw you naked.” he smiled against my skin. “you’re gorgeous.” then pushed me back, let me fell into the soft mattress.

he lowered his head, pushing my thighs wide open. he brushed his lips against my inner thigh, sending a lot of pleasure through me. he moved higher with ridiculous slowness. his tongue traced a path towards my core.

i gasped, as my hands fly to his shoulders for balance.

jake pinned my wrists above my head, his fingers locked around my hands like his life depended on it. he kissed his way upwards to my breast.

the bedroom air hung heavy with the memories, the last time he touched me like this didn’t end well..

his touch snapped me out of my thoughts. he slid his hands down on my body, didn’t kiss me just knelt between my spread thighs.

i arched my back, and lifted my thighs without a second thought.

jake didn't touch my entrance immediately. just traced the sensitive skin of my inner thighs with his tongue, long and slow licks that left goosebumps all over my skin. he felt the shaking in my muscles, the way my legs shook under his weight.

“jake,please..” i whimpered.

“please.. what? use your words pretty.”

he looked up at me as he kissed my inner thigh. for a second i saw a predatory glint in his eyes, but it went away quickly as he returned his focus to my drenched folds.

“touch me.. mhm please..”

he could smell me, a really salty and sweet aroma that signaled my wetness. he pressed his face into me, inhaled me without hesitation. he let his nose brush against my clit without actually applying pressure.

i let out a small sigh. “jake..”

he didn’t hesitate to flick his tongue upward. a sharp but slow strike against my clit. i immediately gasped.

he smirked but didn't maintain the rhythm. he slowed down, swirled his tongue in circles around the nub, teased the edges but never staying long enough to satisfy me.

then his nose.. his sharp but soft nose nudged against me. at first a feather-light touch then he rubbed it gently, back and forth, building up a slow, delicious pleasure.

“jake..” i whimpered, as my hips begin to roll against his nose.

he didn’t answer, his focus entirely on my clit. his lips parted again, his tongue flicked out to taste me. a slow and merciless tease. my knees buckled, he braced me with one of his hand on my hips. his other hand sliding between my legs, finding his way into my slick folds.

one finger then two slid inside, deep and slow. my body welcomed him so well, clenching around his digits. he moved them, in a gentle in-and-out motion, while his mouth continued my torturing.

“so.. so wet for me.” he murmured against me, my flesh muffled his voice. he pulled his fingers out, just enough to let air rush in, and to blow some cold air against my clit. then plunged them back, deeper, faster. he immediately found my gspot.

“shit.. jake.” he stopped for a second.

“language, pretty.. language.”

he pulled his mouth away, leaving me gasping, without pleasure.

"what are you doing..” i gasped.

“not yet..” he whispered. “you’re not there yet, i decide when you finish.”

he rolled me onto the bed, pushing me gently onto my hands and knees. my heart pounded, last time we did a totally different position.

“you had your moment last time.. now it’s my turn.” i looked back at him over my shoulder. he knelt behind me, his large hands gripping my hips to pulled me back against him. he lazily stroke his length, then pressed into my ass. i could feel his heat, the thick length of him.

he pushed my hips forward, then back, a slow, deliberate grind that made me whimper.

“you like that, don’t you?” he breathed, his lips against the nape of my neck. “come on.. beg for it.”

he continued teasing my entrance with his hard cock. “can’t hear ya, darling..”

“please jake..” i choked out. “please..”

he shook his head. “this won’t give you any pleasure.”

“jake please.. im begging..”

he pulled my hips back one last time, aligning himself. then with a slow push, he entered me.

my body stretched, trying to adopt his impressive length that made me arch my back and cry out. the shlick of his wet cock sliding into me was loud in the quiet room.

“mhm.. there.” i whimpered.

he paused, letting me adjust, letting the initial shock of pleasure settle into a deep ache. he hips met mine, my ass slapping against his thighs with each powerful stroke. the bed creaked a steady rhythm beneath us.

“tell me you missed this.” he whispered with rough voice.

i quickly nod. “i did, i really did..” i cried out loudly.

he thrust into me harder and deeper, his balls slapping against my ass with powerful strokes. he had me exactly where he wanted me. completely open, vulnerable and his. my climax was building, each thrust pushing me closer to the edge.

“mhm.. yes darling, u fucking amazing.” his fingers traced on my bare ribs and hips.

he sped up, as his breath came out in ragged gasps against my ear. my legs began to shake, my vision blurring. he pulled out almost completely, then smashed back in with a powerful thrust that sent me over the edge.

“aahh fuck.. yeah, im so proud.” jake tried to catch his breath as my body trembled.

i collapsed onto the bed, my entire being filled up by the aftershocks of my orgasm.

he continued to thrust, his own climax building quickly after mine.

“i cant..” i murmured, as i cried out.

“yes you can, don’t dare to fucking leave me out of the pleasure.” he snapped his hard cock inside me again.

“come on, you can bare with it.” my hands grabbed the sheets of the bed, trying to anchor myself.

“please.. baby just.. a second.. don’t let me down.” he groaned as he emptied himself deep inside me, filling me with his hot and sticky cum. he collapsed onto me to bury his face in my hair.

i nod, as i try to catch my breath. “mhm.. missed you.”

we lay there in each other’s arms. the argument, distance and past, it all faded into the background. all that remained was the warmth of his body against mine, the scent of his cum, and the truth of our connection.

he kissed my shoulder.

“still complicated?” he murmured.”

i shifted to lean into his embrace. “no.. it’s perfect.”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈┈ ┈┈┈

꒰🐾୭ taglist: @yunniesdearest

⤷ ゛get to know me ˎˊ˗

welcome. based in europe. 18.

i only write enhypen fanfics

˙ . ꒷ 🍰 . 𖦹˙—

requests, taglist -> open ୨ৎ

MDNI -> some mature content

⤷ angst, smau, smut, slow burn

꒰🐾୭ current taglist -> 3/50

꩜ .ᐟ pairing: local boy!jake x f!reader

⋆˚࿔ part 1 , part 2 -> click ⤸

summary: reader is a uni student in nyc whose life is upended when she travels to brisbane for her nineteenth birthday, where she meets a local boy and a fleeting summer begins to mean more than it should. ⊹ ࣪ ˖

genre: summer romance · ldr · smut ೀ

word count: 7.4k

taglist: status -> {open} comment ᝰ.ᐟ

warnings: angst, argument, degration/praise, dirty talk, edging, emotional conflict, fingering, making out, pet names, p. licking, riding, smut, strong language, tits play, unprotected sex (don’t do it!!) -> MDNI ⸝⸝

⤷ notes: hii, thank you all for the support on my first fanfic. this is a story that sat in my drafts for a month, but i finally finished the first part. i will start working on the second part as well, so i hope it turned out well! 𑣲

──── ୨ৎ ────୨ৎ──── ୨ৎ ────

nineteen birthday.

not special or different. just another number i had somehow ended up inside. it meant nothing for me, but my parents insisted to make it big.

the hum of the airplane was constant, almost calming if i let it be, but my thoughts were still in nyc.

uni, exams, grades and mid-terms.

i lightly pressed my forehead against the window, watching nothing but endless clouds stretch beneath us. the time felt suspended, like i was no longer really in nyc, but not yet anywhere else either.

my mom was next to me scrolling through hotel photos for the tenth time, my dad was reading something he had already read twice, and my little brother kept kicking my seat whenever he got bored. it felt chaotic, but mostly it just felt distant.

“are you excited?” my mom asked suddenly, not looking up from her phone.

i hesitated. “yeah. i guess.” i gave her a small smile. that wasn’t really a lie. it just wasn’t the full truth either. the truth was i didn’t know what i was supposed to feel.

turning eighteen had been scary enough on its own, and now this felt even heavier. more grown-up and real in a way i couldn’t quite explain.

hours blurred together after that, movies i didn’t pay attention to and snacks i ate without tasting. and then, the captain’s voice came through the speakers.

“we are beginning our descent into brisbane.”

something in my chest shifted, i looked out the window again. my birthday was close, too close. the clouds were breaking apart now, revealing a wide stretch of blue underneath. sunlight hit the water in sharp flashes like someone had spilled gold across the ocean.

the airport felt warmer the second we stepped out, not just temperature, everything. the air, the light and even the way people moved. slower and softer. i didn’t feel i belonged here, even if it was only for a week.

my dad handled the luggage while my mom tried to get everyone organized, she always overthought everything. my brother was already complaining about how tired he was, even though he had slept most of the flight.

i followed them through the airport quietly, still half stuck between time zones, until we finally stepped outside. brisbane hit me properly then, the sky was too big. that was the first thing i noticed. bigger than nyc. the roads, the buildings and even the noise. it was nothing compared to the city life. palm trees lined the streets like they belonged there more than anything else ever could. the air smelled different too, it was clean, warm and salty.

our driver was already waiting, holding a sign with our name. it made me smile, because he had written my name wrong. my parents exchanged polite smiles and loaded the luggages into the trunk while i just kept looking around.

“this is just vacation.” i whispered to myself. “you deserve it, just a birthday trip..”

the hotel was worse than i expected, in the best way. not fancy in a cold and untouchable way. just more like, bright and alive.

the lobby was full of natural light, glass walls, and soft music. the kind of place that made you lower your voice without realizing it. our room was on the tenth floor. i was sharing it with my brother, who immediately started jumping on the bed the second we walked in. i stepped out onto the balcony. brisbane stretched out in front of me like a painting. i leaned on the railing and for the first time in a long time, my thoughts finally quieted down.

⸻

my brother’s whining pulled me out of my dreams. my eyes slowly adjusted to the morning light coming through the window. i tilted my head toward my phone to check the time.

06:05.

“fucking hell.” i thought to myself.

“come onnn~” alex started whining. “you promised we were gonna go to the beach to see the sunrise.” he began hitting my shoulder lightly.

“fine, fine.” i groaned as i sat up and pulled out a cute sundress from my luggage. i quickly put it on and tied my hair into a bun with a hair clip, letting a few strands fall loosely on both sides of my face.

“come on, captain.” i smiled at him as we started walking out of the room. i quickly grabbed his hoodie, because i knew he would whine later that the water was too cold for him.

the hallway of the hotel was quiet at this hour. our footsteps echoed against the polished floor as alex walked ahead of me, still half-asleep. i followed him with his hoodie loosely in my hand, the air-conditioning brushing against his bare arms.

when we stepped outside, the warmth hit immediately.

brisbane mornings didn’t feel like nyc mornings. there was no sharp edge to the air, no rushing noise of cars and impatience. just softness and calmness. a slow kind of silence that made everything feel slightly unreal.

alex stretched dramatically beside me. “it better be worth it.” he mumbled.

i smirked. “you’re the one who begged.”

he didn’t argue, just pout. he started walking faster down the path leading away from the hotel. the streets were almost empty. we passed closed cafés, quiet buildings, and palm trees swaying gently. the sky was beginning to change, not fully sunrise yet.

the beach wasn’t far. i could already hear it before i saw it, the steady rhythm of waves.

when we finally reached the sand, alex ran ahead immediately.

“cold, cold, cold— oh my god!” i laughed under my breath, as i watched alex running into the ocean.

the ocean stretched endlessly in front of us, calm but alive, reflecting the sky in broken pieces of gold and blue.

for a moment i just stood there. the noise from uni crept back into my mind.

the constant anxiety and panic i felt before exams. the pressure that always came when i didn’t get the perfect grade i had studied for.

alex was already running into the water, laughing and smiling.

that’s when i noticed a group of local boys sitting a few feet away from me. they were barefoot, shirtless and holding beers in their hands.

“already..?” i whispered under my breath.

they were laughing about something, their swim shorts already damp and their hair wet from the ocean.

one of them bent down, picking up a small stone and tossed it into the water, as he laughed about something.

alex called my name behind me, complaining about the cold again, but i didn’t answer immediately. i jut let him to enjoy the water.

alex was still half-dramatically suffering in the shallow water when he suddenly decided that it was my time.

“wait- alex, please don’t run-“ i yelled after him, but it was too late.

he took off across the sand, small feet kicking up grains as he laughed to himself, completely ignoring me calling after him.

“alex!”

i started running after him, but he was fast in his chaotic, five-year-old way where every direction looks like a good idea. he ran straight toward the group of boys further down the beach.

“alex, stop- !”

and then it just happened. he bumped straight into one of them. not hard enough to knock anyone over, just enough to make the boy shift his weight and look down in surprise.

alex just looked up at him with his innocent eyes. i reached for him a second later, slightly out of breath, but he was already running back to the water like nothing happened.

“i’m so sorry, he just ran off, i swear he didn’t mean-“

“it’s fine.” the boy cut in easily, voice calm. i finally looked up properly, and for a second, i forgot what i was going to say.

he had that kind of presence that didn’t feel loud. the sunlight caught slightly in his black hair, and he looked like he had been there forever. his skin was sun-kissed, his hair slightly messy and still wet from the ocean. he had really pretty brown eyes that made you forget where you even were.

“look, i’m really sorry.” i said again, softer this time.

he shook his head. “you don’t need to keep apologising.”

“i’m y/n.” i said quietly after a moment.

he nodded once, like he was remembering it. “i’m jaeyun.” he said. “but my friends call me jake.”

i looked back to alex to check if he was still alive.

jake broke the silence first.

“so.” he said lightly, glancing toward alex for a second before looking back at me, “you’re here on holiday? i have never seen you here before.”

i nodded. “yeah with my family.”

“from…?”

“new york” i said quietly.

he raised his eyebrows slightly, like that actually surprised him. “long way.” he said finally. “i was born and raised here.” a small smirk tugged at his lips, the kind that would probably make most girls weak in their knees.

“yeah” i let out a small breath. “it’s a birthday trip.”

“oh?” there was a faint curiosity in his voice. “happy birthday then.”

i blinked a little. “it’s not my birthday yet, but soon.”

behind me, alex suddenly shouted something about a wave, completely breaking the tension between us.

jake glanced past me, a small half-smile on his face.

“he seems energetic.”

i let out a short laugh. “that’s one word for it, his name is alex.”

“alex.” he repeated. “he’s fun.”

i looked over my shoulder for a second, watching alex dramatically fall into the water again.

“you don’t really seem like a morning beach person.” he said suddenly.

i smiled. “you’re right about that. i have to wake up early for uni every morning, so i was hoping i would get a bit of a break.” i gestured toward alex. “but apparently not.”

jake nodded as his friends called his name. the sun caught on his sharp jawline as he turned toward them for a second.

my eyes lingered a little too long, over his sun-kissed skin, the way his hair was still damp, his lips soft but plump, his sharp edged nose that made me a bit too wet in my panties. eventually he turned back to me.

“i have to go now, but tomorrow same spot? i will show you the beach’s secret places.” he asked, as he was already walking back to his friends.

i nodded, as my eyes focused on his bare chest, but before my thoughts could get any more dirty, he called out once more.

“by the way, pretty dress.” he added, pointing briefly at my cream-white sundress with delicate pink flowers on it.

⸻

the next morning felt different, i woke up with a rush of anxiety, but a good kind. his smile was still a fresh memory in my mind. i looked over to alex, and smiled as i saw he was still asleep.

“sleep tight, captain.” i kissed his forehead.

i ran a hand through my hair, trying to ignore how aware i suddenly felt of the time, silence and the fact that i was actually getting ready for someone. i slipped into the bathroom, made a soft makeup then put my hair again into a loose bun with a hair clip.

i put on my cute little pink bikini top and bottoms, then searched for a white long skirt to wear over it, just until i walked down to the beach.

the beach was quieter and softer than yesterday. the sky was still in that in-between state, pale and unfinished, like it hadn’t fully decided what kind of morning it wanted to be.

the ocean felt like a comfort, the sound of my footsteps in the sand and the ocean pulling me closer.

my eyes immediately searched for him, and there he was, his hair was wet again from the ocean, standing near the water, like he hadn’t left since yesterday.

his head turned slightly, eyes landing on me almost instantly. a small smile appeared on his lips.

“thought you wouldn’t come.” he said with his morning voice.

“hi.” i smiled as i moved closer, to gave him a shoulder hug.

shit. i thought it in myself, as i felt how masculine one of his biceps was.

“you came alone today.” he added, glancing briefly behind me.

“yeah.” i said. “alex’s still asleep.”

“shame.” he said lightly. “i was starting to like him.”

“i thought myself is enough.” i smiled, as i give him a shoulder bump.

jake nodded, then tilted his head slightly toward the water. “more than enough.

“come on.” he said. “i told you i would show you something.”

we walked along the shoreline, away from where we had met yesterday. the sand felt softer and more untouched.

jake slowed down after a while, stopping near a stretch of rocks slightly hidden from the main beach.

“here.” he said simply.

“wow.” i looked around. the waves moved differently here. they rolled in quietly, breaking against the rocks instead of crashing, like the whole place existed on a lower volume than the rest of the world.

the water looked clearer here, catching the early sunlight in slow, golden reflections that shimmered across the surface.

“how do you even find places like this?” i asked quietly.

he shrugged. “grew up here, dummy.”

i smiled. “already a nickname?”

he smiled, as he stepped closer to the water, letting it brush over his feet.

“come on.” he smiled as he hold his hand out to me.

i glanced back at him, as i took his hand. his hand was warm, bigger than mine. it closed around mine easily, like it had always been meant to fit there, calm and unbothered. “it’s cold.” i said, as i walked more into the water.

he tilted his head slightly. “you will survive.”

i let out a small breath, then took another step forward, letting the water reach my ankles. i hesitated for another second, then walked in further, the water slowly rising, wrapping around my legs.

he stepped into the water without any hesitation. no reaction or flinch.

“show off.” i mumbled.

he moved a little closer, the water shifting around us.

a small wave rolled in stronger than the others. i stepped back instinctively, losing my balance for a second as the sand shifted beneath my feet.

“wait-“ i touched jake’s hand.

before i could fully react, i slipped slightly forward, and then his hand caught my waist, as he pulled me closer. he stepped closer without hesitation, holding me in place before i could fall completely.

“careful.” he said with calm voice.

i blinked, suddenly aware of him how close he was, how easily he moved, how my balance had just completely depended on him for a second.

“thanks.” i said as i steadied myself, but he didn’t let me go immediately.

“you sure?” he asked, quieter now.

i nodded, finally meeting his eyes.

“yeah.”

then his grip loosened slowly, like he was making sure i really had my balance back before stepping away.

the water moved around us again, like nothing had happened, but my thoughts didn’t. i looked down at the water.

it felt like a beginning.

⸻

over the next two days, everything started to blur together in the softest way.

my parents let me to spend time with jake, while they explored the city with my little brother.

jake showed me parts of brisbane i would have never found on my own, small streets tucked away from the city noise, quiet cafés near the water, and hidden spots along the coast where the ocean felt calmer, like it was keeping secrets. it felt like he knew the city in a way that wasn’t just familiarity, but belonging.

he grew up here, i learned slowly, in between conversations and short silences that didn’t feel awkward anymore. brisbane wasn’t just where he lived, it was part of him.

we talked more than i expected to. about small things, mostly. about nothing important, which somehow started to feel important anyway.

i glanced at him for a second. “so… what do you actually study?”

he looked over at me like he was thinking how to answer. “business.” he said after a moment. “pretty boring, i know.”

i shook my head. “it’s not boring.” i smiled. “you have to be smart to get the chance to study that major.”

that made him raise his eyebrows slightly.

“it’s just what i’m doing for now.” he added with a small smirk. “not sure it’s what i will do forever though.”

“really?” i asked.

“yeah.” he said simply. “i don’t really like the idea of planning everything too strictly. feels like you miss stuff that way.”

i looked down at the sand for a second, kicking it lightly. “that’s kind of nice actually.”

he glanced at me. “you think so?”

“i don’t know,” i admitted. “ i feel like i’m always planning everything. uni, grades, what comes next.”

jake nodded like he agreed. “yeah, i get that. but I think there’s more than just that.”

i looked at him. “like what?”

he thought for a second, his eyes on the ocean. “traveling maybe. living somewhere else for a while. just seeing what’s out there.”

“have you never traveled to other countries?”

he shook his head.

“you will get the chance to travel, i know it” i said quietly.

he smiled a little. “yeah, it feels exciting to think about my future.”

he turned his head slightly toward me. “what about you?”

i hesitated. “i don’t think i have ever thought about it like that, for now i’m studying communication… but it doesn’t really feel like my path.”

on one of those nights, he paid for dinner before i could even argue. i remember the way he just handed the money over like it was nothing, like it was normal for him to do things without making them a big deal. i remember telling him he didn’t have to, and him just shrugging like it wasn’t worth discussing.

and then tuesday night came.

we ended up back at the beach.

the same place, but different somehow, quieter, darker, the waves less playful and more steady.

we didn’t talk much at first. there wasn’t really a need to, but i saw how he glanced at me when he thought i wasn’t paying attention.

i broke the silence.

“it feels different at night.” i said quietly.

jake nodded. “yeah. it’s my favourite time here.”

“why?”

he thought for a second. “feels like the world finally shuts up.”

i let out a soft laugh at that. “that’s a way to put it.”

“you know.” he said slowly. “i don’t usually bring people here.”

i turned my head toward him. “why me then?”

the air felt heavy in a way i couldn’t explain, like everything between us had been building up to that exact moment without either of us saying it out loud.

when he finally looked at me fully, it didn’t feel like the first time anymore. his hand gently brushed against my cheek, it was warm, comforting and safe. a safeness i never wanted it to end.

“let me show you, pretty..” he murmured under his breath.

i smiled shyly as i immediately looked away.

“come on~” he said softly, a faint smirk on his lips. “let me see you.” his hand gently turned my face towards his. he leaned in closer, close enough that i could feel his breath against my lips. my eyes met his warm brown eyes, searching like he was trying to read something he hadn’t figured out yet. then he leaned down hesitantly to connect our lips together.

it wasn’t heavy or fast, he gave me time to adjust, not rushing a single second. he didn’t pick up the pace, he just stayed there to savour every moment and etch it into his memory.

it felt like something that had already started long before either of us noticed.

the conversation naturally came after the kiss. small and random things, things that didn’t matter but still felt like they did.

at some point, jake pulled out his phone.

“do you have instagram?” he asked.

i blinked slightly. “yes.”

he nodded once. “let me see.”

i hesitated for a second, then handed him my phone after opening it.

he took it without rushing, thumbs moving slowly as he searched. the sunlight caught on his jaw again.

“got it.” he said quietly after a moment.

then he passed it back to me.

his profile had already popped up on my phone.

@jake.sim

simple, 856 followers, friends from uni.

a few posts, mostly photos of the ocean, streets at night and blurry sunsets. some selfies of him, in the gym. biceps and abs flexing.

his profile picture was simple. just him, half-turned toward the camera, sunlight on his face, expression calm like he wasn’t trying to impress anyone, but he already impressed me.

“bold.” i said as i smirked.

when i opened mine for him, i could feel his eyes briefly flick over the screen.

@your.name

private but a little more chaotic than his. 200 followers.

soft aesthetic posts, random photos from nyc, coffee cups, blurred party pictures with my friends, mirror selfies in bold outfits that weren’t meant to be posted, but somehow it ended up on my instagram. a mix of everything, a life that didn’t feel fully still in one place.

my profile picture was messy too. smiling, slightly messy hair with a drunk expression.

jake nodded slightly as he focused his eyes more on the pictures where i wore revealing clothes.

“you party a lot? he asked.

i nodded. “in new york everyone goes to parties.”

he nodded. “i didn’t know you’re this wild.”

“if you ever come to new york, you can come with me and i show you.” i smiled.

he smiled. “i will visit you.”

“promise?”

he nodded. “yes, i promise.”

his phone lit up.

june 2 - 00:00, wednesday

“happy birthday, dummy.” then he connected our lips again.

⸻

i looked down at my phone.

no notifications from jake.

june 2 — 18:34, thursday.

for a second, i just stared at the screen, like if i looked long enough something would appear out of nowhere. his name or a message, but the display stayed the same quiet and blank.

i locked the phone and set it aside, forcing myself to breathe normally.

it was my birthday.

i should have feel happy.

the hotel restaurant was warmer at night, lit up with soft golden lights that made everything feel softer than reality. the kind of place where even silence didn’t feel uncomfortable, just soft background music and the clinking of glasses.

my family was already there when i arrived.

“happy birthday!” my mom said immediately, standing up to hug me before i even properly reached the table.

“thanks.” i smiled.

my dad followed with a small smile, the kind he always had when he was trying to make a moment feel important without overdoing it.

my brother, of course, didn’t wait.

“finally” he said. “cake time.”

i let out a small laugh. “typical.”

slipping into my seat as everyone greeted me at once. it felt warm and safe in a way i didn’t always notice until i was far away from it.

the table was already full, plates of food we definitely didn’t need, glasses of juice and champagne, little details my mom had probably overthought earlier in the day without telling anyone.

“thank you, mom.” leaning in to kiss her cheek.

my dad asked me how was my day with jake, i answered automatically, saying it was “good.” even though my mind felt split in half.

one part was here.

the other… somewhere else entirely.

my brother kept talking about the beach like it was the most important thing in the world, interrupting himself mid-sentence to steal bread from the basket again.

“stop eating before cake.” my mom warned him.

“i’m preparing.” he said seriously.

i smiled, but it felt slightly delayed, like my face was catching up to the moment a little too slowly.

after dinner, they brought out the cake.

it wasn’t huge or extravagant, just simple with candles placed on top, flickering gently under the warm light. my name written in icing that wasn’t perfectly centered. but it didn’t need to be perfect.

my mom clapped her hands lightly. “okay, birthday girl. make a wish.”

i hesitated.

the room got quieter in that soft way it does when everyone is waiting for a moment to mean something. i looked at the candles. the small flames blurred slightly in my vision. it felt stupidly hard to choose one.

because anything i thought of immediately led back to something i didn’t want to admit out loud. i had feeling for jake. i didn’t know if he felt the same, and it scared me. something i had only known for a few days, but somehow already took up too much space in my head.

so i closed my eyes anyway. and wished for something i couldn’t name, then i blew out the candles.

applause filled the table, my mom smiling proudly, my dad nodding like the moment had gone exactly how it was supposed to, my brother already asking when he could have cake.

they poured champagne after that, alcohol was never my kind of fun, but i wanted to drink my feelings away.

my mom raised her glass first.

“to you.” she said softly, smiling at me like she was trying to remember every version of me at once.

“to you.” my dad repeated.

my brother lifted his glass too, slightly clumsy. “to cake.”

that made me laugh for real this time.

we finally ate cake that was too sweet and too soft and somehow still perfect in its own way. it was a chocolate chip cake, that was my dream cake since i was five. the conversation moved around us, travel plans, funny stories, things my brother interrupted with random comments that made everyone laugh.

my hand kept drifting toward my phone under the table without me thinking about it.

i told myself i wasn’t expecting anything.

i told myself i didn’t care, but every vibration that wasn’t jake felt louder than it should have.

and i smiled anyway, because i didn’t know what else to do with the feeling sitting quietly in my chest.

eventually i told my parents i want to go upstairs, because i felt tired.

my mom barely looked up, still smiling from the dinner table. “don’t stay up too late, okay?”

“i won’t.” i said with with a smile.

my dad just nodded, already half-distracted by something my brother was saying. my brother didn’t even notice, me he was too busy trying to steal the last piece of cake when he thought no one was looking.

i gave them one last small smile, then stepped away from the table.

the elevator ride up felt slower than usual.

each number lighting up on the panel felt louder in my head than it should have. the soft hotel music, the quiet hum of movement, everything felt heavy, like i was moving through something i couldn’t quite name yet.

when the doors opened on my floor, the hallway was almost empty. i walked towards my room slowly, i felt exhausted mentally and physically, i just wanted to sleep it off.

i turned the key in the room’s door, and as i looked up i saw jake.

“happy birthday, sweet girl.” he said before i could even step into my hotel room. jake was sitting in one of the expensive armchairs, like he belonged there. he was manspreaded, wearing a white button-up shirt with a few buttons already undone.

his hair was styled in a way that made my breath catch for a second. in his other hand, he held a small gift bag.

i stopped for a moment. “how did you even-?”

“i asked.” he gave me a small smirk. “your brother told me which floor.”

my smile widened. “i didn’t think you would come.”

“why wouldn’t i?” he asked with a smirk. eventually i moved closer to him. his free hand pulled me between his legs by my waist. i settled down on his thighs, as i put my legs around his waist.

“you really came just to say happy birthday..?” i asked quietly.

“i won’t miss my favourite girl’s birthday.” he brushed his lips against my jaw.

“i saw alex is still with your parents so we could have a bit fun.” he said, as his hand already moved to take my sweater down.

i stopped his hand for a moment, but the puppy eyes he gave me, immediately softened my thoughts down.

his hands gently pulled my sweater over my neck, and tossed it away. his lips immediately brushed against my neck and collarbone.

“what a pretty girl.” he smirked against my skin as he kissed my neck with open mouth kisses. “fucking gorgeous.”

he continued his way down to my bra. “can i..?” he looked me up to me with those soft eyes again.

i looked down as i brushed my fingers against his cheek. i leaned down to hover over his lips, but before i could lean closer he captured my lips in a hungry kiss, his tongue immediately pushed deep, claiming my mouth like it was air for him. his arms wrapped around my waist,

holding me close like he couldn’t bare the thought me being away from him.

jake broke the kiss, as he painted against my lips breathlessly. “i can’t wait anymore. i fucking need you. i need to taste you, to feel your cunt clinging around my fingers. mhm.. pretty please.” i nodded to him, as he picked me up and walked over to the bed to toss me on it.

he hovered over me, his hands already working between my back, to unfasten my bra. “fuck..” he let out a breath while his hands cupped my breasts, weighing them in his palms, his thumbs brushing over my nipples circling and teasing in a way that made my back arch.

“mhm.. jake..” i let out a soft moan.

he leaned down to capture one of my nipples between his lips, worshipping the sensitive peak. his tongue swirled around it, as i moaned his name.

“mhm.. i’m so lucky..” he murmured against my skin as he trailed his fingers along my inner thighs, towards my already drenched panties.

“already so wet for me” he smirked, as he pulled my panties aside to draw circles on my clit.

“aahh.. jaeyun” i arched my back.

“already moaning my full name?” he smirked. “we just only started it.”

his fingers found my wet folds as he parted them slightly. “gorgeous.” he whispered, as he pushed two fingers knuckles deep into my cunt.

a low moan escaped from my lips. “shit..”

he curved his fingers towards my sweet spot, as he scissored his index and middle finger. i arched my back more as i chased my own orgasm. “yeah.. jake there.” i moaned. he edged a bit to watch my reaction, then eventually let me fell apart.

“pretty.. i need you.” he let his hard length slip free from his boxer. “this.” he pointed to his dick, as he gave a few stroke to it with his lazy hand. “this is already hard for you.” he started rubbing his cock between my wetness.

“come on, gorgeous.” jake laid down to the bed. grabbed my hips to slowly guide me onto his cock. i let out a loud moan, as i slowly let him to go inside me.

“yes.. angel, there.” he said as he started slowly trusting into me, his hand grabbed my hips to guide me and meet me hallway.

“mm.. jake there.” i moaned, as i picked up the pace, my hands grabbed his biceps to feel some safeness. his hands grabbed my ass, to make me feel every inch of him. my hands tried to search his to find some comfort but eventually i gave up, as his cock hit my sweet spot.

“aahh.. jake please.” i begged as i arch my back, one of his hands flew to my ribs to grab me and keep me there.

“yes.. angel, don’t slow down.” he continued guide me towards our orgasm. “mhm.. good girl.”

“mhm.. yes.. yes..” i moaned loud as jake came inside me. my body fell against his, to catch my breath.

“that was…” i started saying with a smile.

jake shook his head lightly, already standing up like his skin was burned by fire. he was already putting his shirt back on. “it was nothing.”

the words hit harder than they should have. “nothing?” i repeated.

jake looked away for a second, jaw tightening slightly. “yeah. i mean-“ he let out a short breath. “you’re leaving anyway.”

“that doesn’t make it nothing. i thought we had sex because-“

“no!” he said it louder than he wanted to. “it was a birthday sex, okay? nothing more.”

“it meant nothing because i’m leaving?”

he laughed under his breath, but there was no humor in it. “you’re making it into something it’s not or you’re clinging this hard to everyone who fucked you? or are you just this fucking stupid?”

“geez, why are you so rude..?” i asked quietly.

jake shook his head again, softer now but more distant. “look, we fucked, you’re good in bed, that’s it. you will fly back to new york, so there’s nothing else to talk about. please don’t be pathetic, be lucky i put up with you.” he looked to me. “and geez- stop being so clingy in bed.”

that was it.

that was the moment it actually hurt.

“maybe it was just sex” i said quietly. “or maybe you’re scared to feel anything real.”

“don’t do that.”

“do what?”

“make this into something it’s not.” he repeated.

“why are you acting like these days meant nothing for you?” i yelled.

jake let out a chuckle with a smirk. “angel, we met like five days ago. you were good for sex but don’t overthink it. i do relationships but not long distance ones.” he packed his stuff and tossed the birthday gift to my bed. “it’s just a necklace, my mom told me to give it to you. don’t worry i didn’t spend any money on you.”

then he left like he was never there.

⸻

the next morning i didn’t feel like getting out of my bed. my mind kept replying the argument over and over.

what went wrong?

we had just started to get to know each other so well. he had been so gentle with me then he dropped everything like it meant nothing for him. like giving my body to him after only a few days we met meant nothing. he treated me like i was a cheap whore, threw me away after he got what he wanted.

i was sitting on the floor with alex, half-playing, half-listening as he kept talking about something i wasn’t really paying attention to.

a toy car rolled across the floor between us.

“watch this.” he said. completely focused, like it was the most important thing in the world.

i nodded slowly, pushing it back to him.

my mind was still stuck on earlier, the argument, the way his voice sounded.

i pressed my lips together slightly, trying to focus on alex instead.

“hey, you’re not even looking.” he complained.

“i am.” i said quickly. “go again.”

before he could respond, the door opened.

my mom stepped inside, already talking.

“so-” she started speaking then stopped when she saw us on the floor. “what are you two doing?”

“playing.” alex answered immediately.

she looked… excited, it was suspicious.

“we’re going out for dinner tonight.” she said. already walking further into the room.

“we actually met a really nice family here, and we have been talking the past few days and they invited us to join them for dinner.”

i frowned. “what family?”

she smiled. like it was nothing. “the sim family. the boy you have been spending time with- jake, right?”

for a second, i thought i had heard it wrong. there was no way my parents had met the boy’s parents who just broke my heart.

“what?” i asked.

“they’re really kind.” she went on.

“we ran into them a few times, started talking, and it just happened. small world, right?”

i just stared at her. “you’re kiddin with me, right?”

my mom shook her head. “don’t be so grumpy y/n.”

“you’re friends with his parents?” i asked slowly.

“well, i wouldn’t say friends.” she laughed lightly.

“but we get along. they’re lovely.”

“lovely my ass..” i muttered under my breath. i didn’t understand it. how had i missed this chapter? i hadn’t known. not once had jake mentioned it, or said that our two separate worlds had already connected like that.

“dinner’s at seven.” my mom added.

“so start getting ready, okay?”

she turned and walked back out like it was the most normal thing in the world.

alex looked at me. “what’s wrong?”

“play.” i said quickly and pointed to the toys.

i stood up, brushing my hands against my legs and started pacing around without realizing it. out of all people, of everywhere, or every possible situation.. this.

“i don’t want to go.” i muttered under my breath.

eventually i dragged myself to the bathroom.

i stood in front of the mirror for a long moment before actually starting to get ready. i watched my face in the mirror.

“why life hates me so much..?” i murmured.

my reflection felt unfamiliar, even on my face you could see how uncomfortable i was with this situation but my mom still insisted that we go.

i exhaled quietly and reached for my dress.

the fabric slipped through my fingers as i pulled it on. it was a cream satin midi dress. the material catching the light in a subtle glow every time i moved. it fit perfectly. the dress hugged my waist, tucked just enough to shape everything without feeling tight and giving me a silhouette that looked more put together than i felt.

the neckline dipped into a soft sweetheart shape. it was held up by thin spaghetti straps that rested lightly on my shoulders.

i turned slightly, looking at myself from the side, for a second i didn’t recognize the girl staring back.

i reached for my heels next. a pair i hadn’t worn yet on this trip. slipping them on made me stand a little taller, even if it was just physically.

i fixed my hair after, letting a few strands fall naturally around my face.

my fingers paused for a second as i reached for my phone again.

no notifications.

“just survive it..” i whispered, as i followed my parents out of the door.

we arrived at the restaurant just as the sky was starting to darken and the city lights reflecting softly against the glass windows.

the place looked elegant, too elegant for me.

warm lights, quiet conversations and the soft clink of glasses. it felt like one of those places where everything was supposed to go smoothly.

i followed my parents inside, my heels clicking lightly against the floor as my hand brushed against the fabric of my dress with every step.

jake was already there with his parents.

he was dressed differently than i had ever seen him before.

a black suit, clean and fitted, sitting perfectly on his broad shoulders like it was made for him. the fabric was smooth, sharp in contrast to the softness i was used to seeing on him at the beach.

a white dress shirt underneath, slightly undone at the collar, like he hadn’t bothered to make it perfect.

and of course a tie loosened just enough to make it look effortless rather than formal.

he looked older, more put together and distant.

i looked away a bit to bite my knuckles to stop myself from letting out a moan, because fuck.. my panties were already soaked. he was extremely attractive in that suit.

i turned back to them and in that exact moment, his eyes lifted and met mine.

i saw his eyes roaming over my dress and body, he let out a small cough as he turned back to his parents.

i followed my parents to the table. jake pulled out my chair for me. i saw the look his dad gave him so i knew it, it was out of courtesy.

“thanks.” i said automatically.

he nodded, then sat next to me.

the tension between us was so uncomfortable that even a blind person could feel we had argued.

his parents were already talking to mine like nothing had ever happened, like two families meeting was completely normal.

“i’m so glad we could do this.” jake’s mom said kindly.

my mom smiled. “it really has been a beautiful trip.”

i nodded politely, hands fidgeting in my lap.

“did you two manage to see much of brisbane together?” his mom asked casually.

i felt my stomach tighten, but i nodded. “yes, he showed me around a bit.”

jake finally spoke. “just a few places.”

my mom said. “y/n told us about a pretty secret spot jake had found for them.”

i nearly choked on my food. “he definitely find his way to my secret spot, in my pussy.” i thought, but i nodded.

“yes, it was beautiful.”

the waiter came, interrupting the moment to place down the dishes.

i took a sip of water just to have something to do.

“so what’s next for you, jake?” my dad asked.

jake leaned back slightly. “Uni.” he manspreaded.

“fucking bastard..” i murmured under my breath.

“what are you studying again?” my mom asked.

“business.”

“that’s impressive.” she replied. “very practical.”

“he is a smart guy.” his mom replied.

“it’s fine.” jake exhaled. “i don’t really think about it too much.”

“and you’re heading back tomorrow?” jake’s dad asked me again.

“yes” i said. “early flight.”

“that’s always the hardest part.” jake’s mom said kindly. “leaving somewhere you have just started to settle into.”

my dad nodded. “that’s life, i suppose.”

we finished dinner slowly, like no one really wanted to be the first to say it was over.

the conversations softened into final words and small gestures of “it was nice meeting you” and “we should do this again sometime.”

i stood up with my parents, smoothing down my dress without thinking.

“thanks you for dinner.” my mom said warmly. “it was really lovely.”

“of course.” his mom replied, smiling. “it was so nice meeting you properly.”

my dad shook jake’s hand, then his dad’s. “take care.”

my brother already distracted again, waved quickly before going back to my mom.

“thank you.” i said softly.

“safe travels tomorrow.” his mom said finally.

we turned away to leave as i slightly turned back towards jake.

he had already been looking at me.

i hold his gaze, silently asking with my eyes. “that’s it?”

his gaze didn’t move away immediately, but his dad snapped him out of his thoughts, and the connection broke before either of us could hold onto it any longer.

⸻

the airport felt louder than it should have been. it was 5 am and still it felt too alive.

announcements echoing through the high ceilings and people moving in every directions.

my family walked beside me. my dad handling the luggage, my mom checking the documents one last time even though she had already checked them ten times before and my brother dragging his feet slightly.

we reached the gate slowly and joined the small crowd already waiting to board.

i held my phone in my hand the entire time. hoping for something i knew wouldn’t happen.

eventually we found our seats on the airplane.

i sat down next to my mom, pressing my forehead against the window. for a moment i just stared outside.

i looked down at my phone and opened our chat.

my fingers hovered over the screen.

then i typed the message.

“you promised me you will visit me in nyc.”

i turned my phone over in my hand and switched it to airplane mode.

12 hours.

24 hours.

32 hours too late to fix what is already broken.

꩜ .ᐟ pairing: basketball player!jake x f!reader

summary: reader is a university student in London whose quiet, lonely routine is interrupted when her friend gives her a ticket to a basketball match featuring former captain J. Sim. ⊹ ࣪ ˖

genre: first time · M/F · oneshot · smut ೀ

word count: 9.3k

tags: experienced!jake, virgin!reader

warnings: alcohol, blowjob, degration/praise, dirty talk, fingering, edging, masturbating, weed and smoking, nose fucking, tits play, pet names, porn mentioning, p. licking, sex toys -> MDNI ⸝⸝

⤷ notes: hii, it’s my first time posting a fanfic, and i really hope it turned out well. if you have any suggestions or thoughts, please share them ᵎᵎ

──── ୨ৎ ────୨ৎ──── ୨ৎ ────

new city, new university and a new life.

that’s what everyone calls it.

london felt too big for me.

and no, not in the cute, “I’m discovering myself” kind of way.

more like…

i could disappear here, and no one would notice, but it didn’t feel new. it just felt… the same, just in a different place. i still didn’t know who i was, i still overthought everything and i still checked my messages even when i knew no one texted.

of course i had friends. who doesn’t have friends in university? actually a lot of people, but shh.. i had friends, i wouldn’t say they were the most honest and trustworthy friends, but this is what i had.

i moved to london with the motive that i would have the best years of my life. but in reality i was suffering from studying every week. my weeks were simple.

wake up, university, study and survive.

sometimes i went to parties when i was invited but i never had my share of the fun. usually i just sat on the couch, drinking what my friends pushed into my hands and watching how people fucked shamelessly in front of me. most people would have been horny if you see a girl riding her boyfriend in front of you, but i had one thought in my mind.

weed.

it was my addiction. it was an escape for me, it helped me to relax and focus my mind on studying. was it harmful, toxic and dangerous?yes, but everyone had an addiction. for someone it was sex or porn or alcohol and for me it was weed. the way it filled my lungs when i was stressed, the way it calmed me down when i rolled my joint or the way it kept me safe when everything was falling apart.

⸻

monday, 08:05

university was loud.

too loud.

people everywhere, laughing, talking like they had known each other for years, even though it was the first semester. i walked through campus with my headphones on, even without music playing. just to avoid eye contact.

“excuse me—sorry—thanks—”

i kept mumbling as i slipped past people. my bag bumped into someone. again.

“sorry,” i said quickly, not even looking up.

“yeah,” the guy replied, already walking away.

and yes, that was the thing, no one stayed long enough to notice me.

⸻

the window of the library wasn’t fully closed. cold air slipped in through the gap, brushing against my skin like a reminder that i didn’t belong here yet. i struggled to keep up with my studies. my eyes drifted towards the students who sat in the library. focused, motivated and engaged. when will it be my turn? when i finally have the motivation to study with joy and happiness while i think about my future?

i chewed on my pen, as my eyes went through my notes. i didn’t understand a word, everything was blurry on my papers and laptop. my thoughts were going crazy. my knees bouncing under the table.

“focus, focus, focus”

i repeated it in my head.

“focus, foc-” my thoughts were unfinished as i felt a hand on my shoulder.

“is everything alright? you look pale”

i looked up as i saw one of my friends. chloe. blue eyes, long blonde hair, perfect nails, perfect body and a cute little outfit.

i smiled. “hi”

chloe sat down opposite me.

“are u alright?” she asked as she saw my legs bouncing under the table.

“yeah.. it’s just, you know, mid-terms. i just can’t focus on anything right now.” i answered her with a little smile that looked too fake.

“stop stressing y/n, you’re literally smarter than my other dumb friends” chloe said while she smiled with her perfect teeth.

i nod while i looked down to the last test in my textbook. i got 40%, i didn’t even pass.. but sure i’m smart.

“anyway, i’m in a hurry” yeah sure, i bet your only problem is that what position will be next for your boyfriend to fuck you, but sure she was in a hurry. “there will be a basketball game in our university. friday evening, 18:00”

i looked at the ticket that she pushed in front of me. i read it in myself.

a thick, glossy paper. slightly textured edges like it was printed for something official. the university crest was stamped in the top corner in dark gold ink.

under it, bold black lettering:

“LONDON METROPOLITAN UNIVERSITY — HOMECOMING GAME”

my brows furrowed. “homecoming?” i chuckled as i looked up at chloe. she nodded as she said.

“yeah. old students vs current players.”

i looked closer, the title line caught my eye.

“LMLU LEGENDS MATCH: RETURN OF THE GRADUATES”

below it, smaller text:

friday night exhibition game

LMLU sports arena — court A

doors open: 18:00

and then, a list of teams, not official leagues, not professional names, just two simple sides:

TEAM CURRENT — LMLU RISING STARS

TEAM ALUMNI — LEGACY SQUAD

she tapped the bottom of the ticket.

“there’s a reason why everyone is talking about this match.”

i looked down again as i saw a smaller text at the very bottom:

Special Guest Appearance: Former Captain J. Sim (Class of 2023)

my eyes stayed on the line a second too long. like if i stared hard enough, it would explain itself. but it didn’t. it just sat there. simple words that i didn’t understand yet. too simple for the way everyone seemed to react to them.

“J. Sim” i repeated quietly.

chloe didn’t say anything at first. that was the first weird thing. she always had something to say. a joke, a comment or something dramatic. but this time, she just watched me. like she was waiting for me to connect something i didn’t even know existed yet.

“you don’t know him?” she asked finally.

i shook my head. how could i know him when i didn’t even know who the fuck i am. “no” i answered finally.

her eyebrows lifted slightly, like i would just said something impossible.

“oh.” that single word felt… loaded. not because of her reaction, but because it was a reaction from her mouth. not disappointed or surprised. more like “oh, you’re really in for it.”

she leaned back slightly, crossing one leg over the other. “okay” she said slowly. “so you’re actually going in blind.”

i frowned. “in blind to what?”

she smiled again. but this time it wasn’t warm. i swear sometimes chloe gave me the most scariest look ever. and this time it was that knowing kind of smile. the kind people wear when they’re about to watch you figure something out the hard way.

she tapped the ticket again. “this match isn’t just a game” she said.

i looked down at the name again.

J. Sim. former captain. class of 2023.

“then what is it?” i asked.

chloe tilted her head. “a reminder” she said simply. i chuckled. what a whore, i thought in myself. how could that help me figure out what is even important about this.

i looked up when a group of students walked past us in the hallway behind her, laughing too loudly. one of them said something i barely caught.

“…Sim’s coming back on friday.”

and suddenly, the atmosphere shifted, not loud or obvious. just subtle. like the air had changed pressure or like i had stepped into a conversation that had already been going on long before i arrived. i hated this feeling. i never even had a boyfriend, geez i was even a virgin. and still chloe though a random guy will change this or make my interest go up.

chloe stood up, as i was snapped out of my thoughts, she smoothed her skirt as she smiled. “you should come” she said, as i looked up at her.

“why?” i asked, even know i knew she will drag me into the game even if i say no.

“because everyone else will be there” chloe said finally. “and you will understand why i gave you that ticket.” she turned to leave, but before she walked away completely, she looked back at me once. “don’t be late” she said, and then she was gone.

“fuck this” i thought to myself as i stood up and packed my laptop, notebooks and my phone. i hurried out of the library, it was already 5 pm and still the university’s building was so crowded like it was morning. i rushed through the hallways as i bumped into students who gave me judging looks. i didn’t care, i just needed to get home and roll my joint. i walked towards my bus station when i saw my bus was already preparing to leave.

“no, no, noo” i yelled as i ran after the bus, but the driver didn’t give a shit about me.

“fucking hell,” i murmured as i sat down at the bus station. i looked around.

london was grey, not in a depressing way, just you know constant. like the sky forgot how to be anything else. the air was cold, that kind of cold that slipped under your clothes no matter how much you layered. people walked past me quickly, coats pulled tight, scarves wrapped around their necks like shields against the wind. everyone looked like they had somewhere to be. somewhere important. a soft breeze brushed against my face, carrying that typical london smell, wet pavement, coffee, and something slightly metallic i could never name. it had rained earlier and i loved rain. it was the most comforting thing i have ever felt beside weed. the ground was still damp, reflecting the streetlights and the moving buses like a blurry mirror. leaves were scattered everywhere, shades of brown and orange crushed under people’s shoes without anyone noticing. i pulled my jacket closer around me, sinking a little into the cold bench. my fingers felt numb. my head hurt. i felt cold and hungry, but my lungs screamed for that joint.

a bus passed in front of me, blocking my view. for a moment, everything went quiet in my head. no thoughts. no stress. just literally nothing. then after a second it came back. everything, the studying, the pressure, the game, the ticket. i glanced down at my bag, the ticket was inside. like it was heavier than it should be.

i rolled my eyes slightly. “it’s just a game”muttered under my breath as i stood up and went to the bus.

⸻

by the time i finally got home, my fingers were freezing and my head felt heavy. i knew the joint won’t help with my head ache, but i knew it will help with soothe down my thoughts. i dropped my bag next to my bed without even looking at it.

the room was quiet, too fucking quiet. my apartment was small, smaller than i expected when i first moved in. literally one room and a bed pushed against the wall. a tiny desk squeezed next to the window that barely closed properly and a kitchen that was basically just a counter and a stove. it gave me anxiety everything felt too close like the walls were always a little too near and there wasn’t enough space for thoughts this loud.

i rolled my eyes as i kicked off my shoes and sat down on the edge of my bed, staring at nothing for a moment, just zoning out. my eyes drifted to the desk, it was messy because i was too lazy to organise anything in my life. notebooks stacked unevenly, a half-empty water bottle, my charger tangled around itself and my vibrator, just sitting there like i forgot to hide it before leaving in the morning.

i let out a quiet breath, shaking my head slightly. “seriously…” i muttered to myself. not like anyone would come here anyway.

still, i reached over and pushed it a little further back on the desk, like that somehow made it less obvious. i grabbed my phone and put on some slow music, something soft that didn’t demand attention, just a little background noise.

i grabbed my stuff from the drawer, my hands moving out of habit more than anything. it was automatic, practiced, because i did it for a hundred times. i rolled my joint slowly, paying more attention to it than anything else in my life.

focusing on every small movement, every detail, like it was the only thing that mattered right now because it was the only thing that mattered right now.

i brought the finished joint to my lips, i inhaled slowly, savouring every single peace that it gave me. the smoke filled my lungs, warm and heavy, spreading through my chest like it was pressing everything down, quieting down my thoughts and noise. i held it in for a second longer than i should have, then exhaled slowly, watching the smoke curl into the air above me. it always looked softer than it felt. my body gave up, i sank a little deeper into the bed.

i reached for my phone, but as i moved, my bag slipped slightly from the edge of the bed and it tilted as something fell out.

the ticket. the stupid ticket. it landed on the floor with a soft sound, it was barely noticeable, but somehow it felt louder than everything else. stupid chloe, made my thoughts even blurry with the ticket than it already was. i stared at it for a second, then leaned down, picking it up between my fingers. my eyes went over it again, the same details, bold letters and stupid game that apparently everyone cared about. my gaze dropped to the bottom again.

J. Sim.

i exhaled through my nose, shaking my head slightly. “why you?” i muttered quietly. i leaned back, the joint still between my fingers, and reached for my laptop with my other hand. it took a second to open, because my body didn’t want to cooperate, everything just felt slower.

after a small time that felt like an attorney for me i typed in my university’s name. the homepage popped up, the same familiar and boring homepage. i clicked through without thinking too much.

news, events, archives and then, graduation.

2023.

i clicked on it, pictures loaded one by one, rows of students in gowns and caps in the air. smiles that looked different, forced, happy and free. i scrolled lazily, taking another drag. not really expecting anything, just an ugly guy who everyone loves because of his basketball skills, until i saw his name, my finger stopped on the trackpad. he stood slightly off-center in the picture, like he didn’t even try to be the focus, but he knew he was the focus anyway. taller than the others, broad shoulders, his messy hair like he didn’t care enough to fix it properly and his expression, a cocky smile, like he knew he was better than everyone else.

my eyes narrowed slightly. “that’s him?” i murmured under my breath. i leaned closer to the screen without realizing. under the picture a small text and his name.

Jake Sim

and under it, a quote.

“Some things aren’t meant to last. Just long enough to matter.”

i blinked as i raised my eyebrows. “what the hell does that even mean, he is a philosopher or what..” i murmured as i took another drag a slow one this time.

i kicked my laptop down from my bed as it personally offended me. i quickly finished my joint. my room was spinning as i lay on my bed. without even noticing, my hand went into my sweatpants. i rubbed a circle on my already wet panties and i let out a small moan. being high and masturbating was the best combo ever. my hand slipped into my drenched panties, mostly i used a vibrator, but i was too lazy to get up and find it.

my index finger circled my clit as my back arched and i let out again a small moan. i continued circling and teasing my clit. i had never fingered myself properly because i was a virgin, so i knew i would come in a minute. i continued edging myself, stopping at the exact moment when i knew i would come.

i loved edging, i loved chasing my own orgasm. after a few stops, i continued circling my clit faster, when i accidentally moaned a name: "mm... ja—"

i immediately sat up. "no, noo.. stop” l murmured under my breath. l didn't know why his name came into my mind. i had only seen one picture of him years ago. "stop!" i yelled as i hit my own head.

⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔

jake stepped out of the car. as he inhaled the london air, it hit him the same way it always did. cold, sharp, and familiar. he hated london, this is why he moved away after graduation, but he still felt the nostalgia. this city never really changed, even if he did. he closed the door behind him, adjusting the strap of his gym bag on his shoulder. For a moment, he just stood there, watching the campus, how it changed a bit, how it got more modern after he left. Students moving between buildings, voices overlapping, footsteps rushing nowhere and everywhere at once.

“jake!”

he turned his head as he heard the voice. a group of guys were already walking toward him, grinning like nothing had changed, like he never left. he exhaled through his nose, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“you’re late, dude” one of them said immediately and initiated a shoulder hug.

“no” jake replied calmly. “you’re just early for once.” A few laughs followed.

they fell into step beside him as they started walking through campus. his friends’ eyes kept flicking toward him, he could feel their gaze on his face.

“damn” alex said after a moment. “you really changed.”

jake glanced at him slightly with a confused smile. “how?”

the guy gestured vaguely. “you know… everything. your hair is black now. not that chestnut thing anymore.”

Another nodded. “and you look different, like older and more built.” another one said with a grin, “more like you actually graduated and didn’t just disappear.”

jake ran a hand through his hair once, shrugging. “it’s just hair.” but he knew what they meant. twenty-four didn’t feel like a number, it felt like distance and it felt too serious.

they kept walking. the campus looked the same, but it didn’t feel the same, it was smaller, somehow less important than he remembered, like it was still stuck in a version of him that no longer existed.

“so” one of them said casually, nudging him, “what’s your love life saying these days?”

jake let out a short laugh. “still asking me that?”

“you never answer properly.”

“because it never changes.” he shoved his hands into his jacket pockets, looking ahead. his expression stayed relaxed, but his voice lowered slightly. “it’s nothing serious. i hooked up with a girl. it didn’t really go anywhere after that.”

alex smirked. “you still got girls screaming your name in bed?”

jake rolled his eyes, but he could never not disagree with it. “yeah, dude. i could teach you some things. you clearly need it.”

the conversation shifted into laughter again as they walked, the buildings getting bigger as they approached the sports area and the gym came into view, where they always practiced so hard to win every competition.

jake rolled his shoulders slightly as they stepped inside, his eyes adjusted immediately. the similar scent, court, space, and rhythm.

“ready?” alex asked. jake looked at the court for a second longer, then nodded once. “yeah, let’s practice so we can win against that current loser team.”

⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ꒰ ᧔ෆ᧓ ꒱ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔⏔ ⏔⏔

“nooo” i yelled in my apartment as chloe continued going through my closet like she lived here.

“we’re going.” she said without even looking at me. It made me so mad how she just decided to push me into this. “i literally said I don’t want to go.“ i murmured.

“and i heard you, you’re still coming.” she pulled out outfit after outfit like she was on a mission, tossing things onto my bed without hesitation. my room was already a mess and now she made it even worse.

“chloe, stop- i’m not going to some random basketball game where I don’t even know anyone.” she finally turned around, holding something in her hands, with a smirk on her face. gosh how i hated that look.

“you know of someone.”

i paused. “fuck no. it’s not the same thing. i don’t know that guy and i don’t care about him. pleaseee, let’s just sit down together and watch a movie.” i gave her puppy eyes. she ignored me completely and held up a fitted lace-style tank top and a pair of jeans.

“this.”

i stared at it. “no.”

“yes.”

“absolutely not.”

she already started walking toward me. “come on, you’re wearing it. this top gives a really good view of your tits.”

i rolled my eyes as I asked, “why do i need to go so badly?” backing up slightly. “it’s just a game.” chloe tilted her head. “became everyone will be there.”

“so?”

“and because you’ve been stuck in your room for days acting like life ended when London got cold.”

i rolled my eyes. “you’re so dramatic.”

“correct.” she said and shoved the clothes into my hands. “go change.”

ten minutes later, i stood in front of the mirror, still half protesting under my breath. chloe leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching like she was supervising a project. just as she said the lace tank top gave a good view of my tits and the jeans hugged my ass just in the right place.

“i hate you,” i murmured as i adjusted my jeans.

“no you don’t,” she replied instantly. “your hair.” she said suddenly, stepping closer. “turn around.”

“what are you doing—”

“trust me.”

she started sectioning my hair slowly, checking the mirror occasionally like she was studying the shape of my face, the way everything would fall together. “you don’t even know what you’re doing,” i muttered.

“i know enough.”

“that’s not reassuring.”

“it should be.” her hands worked more confidently now. she lifted the top half of my hair, running her fingers through it to smooth it back. it felt weirdly gentle, like she actually cared, which was even worse somehow.

“you’re overthinking this,” she said quietly, noticing my expression in the mirror.

“i’m not overthinking anything.”

“you are. you always do this.”

i stayed still as she continued, pulling the top section back carefully. her fingers were quick but precise, adjusting small strands, fixing pieces i didn’t even know were uneven.

“why do you even care if i go?” i asked after a moment.

she paused slightly. “because you’ve been stuck in your head too long.”

i didn’t answer that.

she tied the top half of my hair up, securing it gently before letting the rest fall naturally down my back. then she stepped to the side to look at it properly. she reached into her bag and pulled out a small bow.

“there.” she said finally, stepping back. “cute.”

“i look like i’m being forced into character development.”

“you are.” she grabbed my face lightly, turning it side to side.

“makeup. minimal.”

“yeah, okay.” i replied. “i can do that for myself.” i sat back down in front of the mirror as chloe handed me my makeup bag without asking. “natural” she said. “don’t overdo it.”

“i don’t even know how to overdo it,” i muttered.

“good. keep it that way.”

i started with a light base, just enough to even out my skin. i never liked too heavy makeups so i just made a natural makeup, just… something that made me look a bit more awake than i felt. chloe leaned against the wall watching me like a supervisor again.

“you’re shaking,” she said.

“i’m not.”

“you are.”

“i’m literally just putting mascara on.”

she laughed under her breath. “you’re acting like you’re going on a date.”

“it’s not a date.”

“you sure?”

i paused for half a second. “it’s a basketball game.”

“exactly” she said, smirking.

i ignored her and finished quickly, adding a bit of mascara and a soft tint on my lips.

i stared at myself one last time in the mirror, then sighed. “fine… let’s go.”

chloe clapped once. “finally.” she smiled as she immediately started pulling me out of my room.

⸻

the arena was louder than i expected, not loud like chaos before an exam but loud like pressure and like the air itself was filled with people, movement, voices bouncing off every surface.

chloe walked ahead of me like she knew exactly where she was going. i followed behind her, holding my shoulder bag tighter than necessary, because people were everywhere and ohh how much i hated crowded places. people were everywhere students, groups, teachers, they were laughing and shouting. faces i didn’t know, but all of them looked like they belonged here more than i did.

“see?” chloe said over her shoulder. “you survived leaving your apartment.”

“barely” i muttered.

we found our seats somewhere in the middle rows, not too close to the court but not too far, just enough to see everything without feeling like i was part of it. i sat down slowly, adjusting my jacket. my eyes moved over the court automatically. it was empty for now, the players were probably in the changing room, preparing for the match. the crowd kept filling in behind us, as the voices layered over each other until it became one constant sound.

i could feel it in my chest. i needed to get high before the match. but for now i leaned back in my seat, letting my eyes drift again to the court, still nothing happening my legs started bouncing uncontrollably. my thoughts too loud again. Too many people, too much noise and too much everything at once.

“i will be right back.” i said suddenly.

chloe glanced at me. “where are you going?”

i pointed into my bag, to my small joint.

she narrowed her eyes slightly.

“don’t get lost.”

“i’m not a child.”

“debatable.”

i stood up before she could argue more and stepped into the aisle, the noise changed immediately behind me. the hallway outside the seating area was cooler and quieter, the kind of quiet that didn’t feel empty, just paused. until i heard a quiet voice.

“mm… shit…”

my mind immediately seized on it, and i was curious, so i followed the noise.

the moan got louder and louder until i peeked into the changing room.

Sim Jake.

it was him, i recognised him from the graduation picture, only that his hair was black now, not chestnut. my eyes drifted to his face he looked older, not like a university student. then my eyes saw what he was doing. he was manspreaded, and i saw something i hadn't expected.

my eyes glued to his length. his cock was sprang free. it was thick, long, with veins bulging along the shaft and a flushed red head leaking pre-cum. he dirty-talked to himself.

“mm... fuck yeah... aahh...” his hands lazily stroked his length, he tilted his wrist a bit more so he could moan even louder.

i was in shock, my eyes couldn’t draft away. his honey voice snapped me out of my thoughts.

“can i help you?” he asked, still stroking his hard cock.

i looked up into his eyes, as my cheek immediately warmed up. “sorry- i wasn’t trying to disturb you.” i said and turned away quickly to leave.

“blowjob?” he called after me.

i turned back slightly to look at him. “hmm?” i questioned him as i raised my eyebrows.

jake let out a soft chuckle as he stopped stroking his cock. “wanna help me out or what?” his eyes drifted to my lace tank top, probably to my tits. he let out a chuckle as he murmured, “pretty.”

“i was just trying to find a spot to smoke.” i held up my joint. i couldn’t understand how he was so calm about it when i had just caught him masturbating before his basketball match.

“boring...” he said, as he waved his hand to me to come over. i slowly went over, i don’t know why, my legs moved on their own. my eyes drafted down to his cock that was still not covered. he grabbed my wrist as he pulled me closer to look into my eyes.

“girls only come to this changing room if they want something. so you either get the fuck out of here, and smoke your little joint like a good girl.” his knuckles brushed against my jaw. “or.” he pointed down to his length. “get down on your knees and suck me off like a good slut like every other girl in this university.”

my mouth went dry as i held his gaze. i had never even seen a real dick closely, not even mentioning that i didn’t even know how to suck a dick properly and what the fuck i didn’t even know him, only his name. so i shook my head. “i- i just go.”

jake smirked as he pushed my jaw away a bit with his knuckles and leaned close to my ear. “good choice. you don’t even worth my time, if you hesitate about it.” he nodded towards the door to leave.

i quickly hurried back to my seat. i slightly shook my head to try to forget what i just saw. shit.. i forgot to smoke my joint. there was no way i could survive it without getting high. i sat back next to chloe.

she gave me a look. “are u alright? you look like you saw a ghost.”

“something like that,” i murmured.

chloe raised one of her eyebrows. “what?”

“nothing.” i smiled through the pain and looked back at the court

the arena lights dimmed slightly as the announcer’s voice echoed through the speakers. the crowd shifted instantly, energy rising and filling the space.

“ladies and gentlemen… welcome to tonight’s exhibition match.” cheers erupted, bouncing off the walls.

on court tonight, representing the current university team…” the first players jogged out they were younger, faster but loud confidence in their steps. the same age as me, but from the graduation team perspire they were younger. the students reacted warmly as they recognized them.

“team captain, M. Lee!” a tall player raised his hand as he stepped onto the court, teammates following behind him. they looked sharp, energetic and ready.

“and now…” the announcer paused longer this time, stretching the anticipation. the atmosphere changed immediately. “representing the alumni team… former captains and graduates of class of 2023.” the reaction was louder, more intense. most of the girls immediately stood up and called names before they were even said.

the alumni team walked out more calmly, like they already belonged there. at the center of them was jake. “captain J. Sim!” the announcer called, and the crowd erupted. jake only gave a small nod, stepping onto the court with calm confidence. he met his teammates briefly, quick words exchanged, then turned toward the game.

i shook my head, how can he be so calm after he was caught masturbating. who the fuck is calm about this.

the tip-off went up, and the match started immediately. the current team took first possession, pushing fast, but missed their first shot. alumni rebounded quickly. jake didn’t rush anything.

“he is slow at the court, like the way he couldn’t cover his dick..” i muttered under my breath.

he brought the ball up slowly, reading the court before anyone else settled. the first basket came cleanly, no celebration, just a quick turn back on defense.

the game settled into rhythm. the current team played fast and aggressive, sometimes messy, while the alumni team stayed controlled and precise.

by the second quarter, the current team found momentum with a few strong plays, even taking a slight lead after a three-pointer. for the first time, the alumni team looked pressured.

during timeout, both teams regrouped. jake stood slightly apart, focused on the court, listening, thinking. our eyes accidentally met for a moment. my breath caught as i hold his gaze. jake gave me a wink and drank from his water bottle.

with seconds left, the current team tried a final drive but got blocked. the alumni secured the rebound. jake got the ball, slowed everything down, scanned the court once then took the shot as the clock ran out. the ball went clean through the net at the buzzer, the student exploded, as i got scared for a moment and immediately clung to chloe’s arm.

“this is so frustrating.” i whispered.

chloe just gave me a comforting smile. “yeah sorry about that, i could have warned you about it.” i nodded.

“but at least jake’s team won.” she said calmly.

“yeah sure they deserved it.” i said, but i still couldn’t forget what i saw before the match.

i didn’t go to the after party. i just left. i couldn’t go to that party and act like nothing happened. maybe i was overreacting it but it was too shocking for me.

the noise of the arena was still in my ears as i walked out, even after the doors closed behind me. people were laughing, talking, celebrating, but it all felt too far away. like it wasn’t meant for me tonight. i kept my head down the whole way home.

my thoughts wouldn’t stop replaying it. his moan, smirk, wink and cock... it annoyed me. a little.. okay maybe more than a little.

by the time i got home, i didn’t even bother turning on the lights properly. just dropped my things somewhere near the entrance and kicked off my shoes. finally some quiet time. i went straight to my room, grabbed my prepared joint and lit up. leaning back against my bed, i stared at the ceiling as the smoke slowly filled the space between me and my thoughts. but it didn’t help much. because every time i closed my eyes, i saw the same thing again.

i exhaled slowly, looking away. “what the hell…” i muttered to myself, voice barely there.

⸻

i didn’t think about him for a few days. or at least, i tried not to.

i went back to my routine like nothing had happened. classes, notes, pretending to listen and care. of course non of it was real. chloe still talked about the game like it was the highlight of her life, replaying moments i was trying to forget.

but it never really left my mind. it just sat there. quiet, waiting, waiting for more.

“we’re going out tonight.” chloe snapped me out of my thoughts. i didn’t even look up from my phone. “no, we’re not.”

“yes, we are.”

“no, you are.”

chloe was already in my room again, standing in front of my closet like it personally offended her. “you have been acting weird for days,” she said.

“i have been studying.”

“you have been avoiding everything.”

i rolled my eyes. “same thing.”

she turned around, crossing her arms. “you’re coming to this party.”

“why?”

“because you need it.”

“i don’t need it.”

“you do.”

i sighed, throwing my phone onto my bed “i don’t feel like being around people.”

“good,” she said instantly. “then it will be good for you.”

i stared at her. “that makes no sense.”

“it does in my head.”

i groaned, dragging my hands down my face. “where even is this party?”

“some house near campus. seniors mostly.”

i froze for half a second, barely noticeable.

chloe noticed, of course she did. she noticed everything.

“relax.” she smirked. “not everything is about him.”

“i didn’t say it was.”

“you didn’t have to.”

i stood up quickly. “fine.” i said. “i will go.”

her smile widened instantly. “see? growth.”

“don’t call it that.”

a few hours later, i was standing outside a crowded house, music already blasting through the walls, the lights flickered through the windows. people everywhere, again. my anxiety started rising.

chloe dragged me inside. okay.. don’t worry, it’s just a party..” i murmured. yes a party, where i had to pretend i’m friends with everyone.

people dancing, shouting over each other, holding drinks like it was the only thing grounding them.

chloe’s friends immediately found us, i gave them a small smile and hugs to everyone. they quickly went to the dance floor because it was their favourite song. i rolled my eyes and went to the kitchen, i quickly grab the first drink my eyes saw, and chucked it down in one way. when i heard his voice again..

“fancy to see ya.” i heard his australian accent. i turned to him slowly as i gave him a smile. “hi.”

my eyes went to his simple dark shirt that he wore, nothing flashy, nothing that should stand out but it did on him.

the sleeves were pushed up just enough to show his forearms, veins faintly visible under the dim light. black jeans, slightly loose but still fitting him just right, sitting low enough on his hips to look effortless. and a thin chain resting against his collarbone, catching the light every time he stepped closer.

his eyes drifted over my face and body. i had my hair again half up and half down, i wore a tight lace dress with two little bows on the sides. his eyes checked out my tits, waist, hips, legs. literally everything he could see.

“that was my drink.” he said it with a smirk.

i looked down to the empty cup and immediately put down. “sorry, i didn’t know it’s yours.” i said as i tried to walk away quickly.

as i passed by him, his hand slowly reached towards my waist, and pulled me closer. he placed his other hand to the counter to hold me there. “you know, it’s disrespectful to walk away when you just stole my drink.” he whispered against my ear. “our first meeting was quite interesting, don’t you think..” he murmured against my ear, as his other hand traced his longs, veiny and pretty fingers up to my ribs.

i quickly gave him a nod. “no one ever refused to give me a blowjob, only virgins.” he smirked against my jaw. “but you know it’s totally okay for me, i never pressure anything.” he brushed his lips against my neck, as a quiet moan escaped from my throat. “gotcha” he whispered again with his honey voice.

one of his friends interrupted our moment. “yo man you have to see this.” he already tried to drag away jake from me.

jake gave me a wink. “later, gorgeous”

fucking hell. i thought it, after he left. i felt my wet panties clinging to my pussy, i didn’t even have the chance to introduce myself or anything, because every time we met it was something related to sex. but gosh, he was attractive. i never disagreed with that fact. i already knew he makes girls knees weak just from a look, when i saw his graduation picture, but gosh i could have never imagine that his presence was this effective.

later in the party, i sat outside smoking one of my joints. it calmed me down immediately. my eyes drifting to the party, as i waved to chloe and nod that i’m alright. after it, i just went inside and sat down to a coach, when a moan interrupted my thoughts. i looked up as i saw jake making out with a cheerleader girl by the wall.

jake had his hands on the girl’s waist, and his mouth on her neck, he was slowly rubbing his hard cock against her wet pussy. of course they weren’t naked, but i could see it by the movements. jake caught my eyes again, and mouthed. “if you ever change your mind, i will gladly take your virginity away.”

because this was jake’s game. even now that he is graduated and moved to another city to work, he still had his effects on the girls, and he still didn’t have any intentions to have a relationship, because he enjoyed too much to hookup without any feelings.

⸻

stayed later than i should have. again. library gave me this random comfort that nothing else gave me, only weed and the rain.

the library had already started emptying out, chairs scraping softly and voices fading into the distance. the kind of sound that made everything feel lonelier for someone, but for me it was everything i needed. i packed my things slowly, trying to delay going back out into the night. london after dark always felt different, quieter but heavier somehow. when i finally stepped outside, the air hit me immediately, it was cold and sharp.

the campus was almost empty now. just a few students walking in groups, their laughter echoing before disappearing into the distance. my footsteps felt too loud against the ground. “of course.” i muttered to myself, because of course i was alone again, like every single day.

i walked past the main buildings, hugging my bag closer, heading towards the shortcut near the sports hall. lights from inside the gym still spilled through the glass panels, someone was probably still there. late practice or cleaning.

i turned the corner and stopped. my eyes drifted to a dark shadow leaning against the wall, and i focused on it as i saw him.

jake

leaning slightly against the wall outside the gym entrance like he had nowhere else to be, his hands in his pockets, head tilted down slightly, but not asleep. just waiting, like he already knew i would show up.

my steps slowed without permission “you’re still here? i thought u flew back to Melbourne.” i said before i could stop myself.

his head lifted, and there it was again, that fucking cocky but calm look. “you sound disappointed.” he said. his voice was lower than i remembered.

“i’m not,” i replied quickly. he tilted his head slightly, as a faint smirk appeared on his lips.

“liar.”

“you don’t even know me well enough to call me that.”

he pushed off the wall a little, now standing properly. “i know enough, for example that you’re a virgin.”

my heart did something annoying. i hated that.

“you always look like you’re in a rush,” he said.

“i am.”

“to where?”

i opened my mouth, closed it again. because my eyes already lost in his.

he noticed, of course he did. he noticed everything. a small smile tugged at his mouth.

“see?” he said quietly. “no answer.”

i shifted my weight slightly. “why are you even here?” i asked.

“gym,” he said simply. then added, “and you.”

he moved away from the wall, and took a step closer.

“what?”

he shrugged slightly, casual. “you think i would leave without taking away your virginity.” his breath brushed against my ear. “you always look like you’re running from something. and i always happen to be there.”

my grip tightened on my bag. “you don’t know anything about me.”

“not yet.” he said. “but i bet you would moan my name, the second i touch that pretty pussy of yours.”

a faint breeze moved between us, brushing past my face, he didn’t move back, neither did i.

“you talk a lot for someone who barely knows me.” i said finally.

“i don’t talk a lot,” he corrected. then his eyes flicked down to my body for a second before coming back up. “just when i’m interested.”

i looked away first. “you’re annoying,” i muttered.

“say this after i made you feel like u matter” he said softly. “my apartment is close. i can make you feel like a goddess, then we can all forget this. i flew back and you live your happy life.” he snapped his fingers. “no feelings, just me making you feel good.”

my throat tightened a bit, as i hold his gaze, but i nodded. because fuck i didn’t want to be a virgin anymore, and he was hot as fuck.

we didn’t talk much at first, just started walking. london at night felt different again. quieter streets, dim streetlights stretching shadows over the pavement, the sound of distant traffic blending into something almost calming.

he walked slightly ahead, then slowed down when he noticed i wasn’t keeping the same pace, like it was automatic and he adjusted without thinking.

“you live far?” i asked eventually.

“not really.” he said. “airbnb’s close to campus.”

i nodded.

he smirked. “don’t worry, i won’t kill your legs, you will find your way back to the campus.”

we crossed a street, his hands were in his pockets, shoulders relaxed like he owned the whole night. i kept my eyes forward, or tried to. my eyes wandered around his neck, then slowly down to his broad shoulders that was covered by a leather jacket.

“you always walk like that?” he asked suddenly.

“like what?”

“like you’re trying not to exist.”

that made me glance at him.

“that’s dramatic.”

“it’s accurate.”

i rolled my eyes. “you don’t know me that well.”

he looked ahead, then back at me for a second. “don’t worry gorgeous, i’m getting there.”

a few minutes later, he stopped in front of a building. simple entrance, nothing flashy. just one of those modern airbnbs tucked between older flats. he unlocked the door and held it open slightly.

“this is me.”

i hesitated for half a second, then stepped closer, the warmth from inside spilled out into the cold air, mixing with the night behind us.

he watched me for a moment, then reached for my waist, as he pulled me inside. “come on, angel.” he nodded as i stepped inside. “there ya go.”

my eyes slowly adjusted to the lights coming from the airbnb’s living room. it felt warmer inside and quieter too, like the outside world had been shut off behind us.

i felt jake’s hand on my shoulder. “so, gorgeous.” he kissed my neck while his hand sneaked around my waist.

“one night stand rules are easy.” he said as he kissed his way up to my jaw.

“rule 1. no feelings.” he whispered.

“rule 2. no kissing.”

“and rule 3. you do what i say.” he kissed my cheek. “got ya?” he tilted my head towards his, as i gave him a small nod.

he pushed me against the wall, as he rubbed his hard cock against my dress.

“so you want it, huh?” he looked into my eyes. “you want me to take your virginity away?”

i nodded, as i brushed my lips against his. his hand immediately cupped my face. “no we don’t do that here. i just told you the rules, angel.” he nodded towards my lips. “kissing someone can lead to feelings, don’t you already know that sweetheart?” he licked his tongue down on my neck, towards my collarbone. “i don’t do feelings, i will gladly take your virginity away, but nothing more.”

“why..?” i asked as my eyes fixed on his lips.

“girls get attached too soon, and i hate that. so you agree or i find someone else to fuck?” i quickly nod, as my hands went to his shirt to unbutton it. he helped me with his fingers as he pushed his shirt away. my eyes immediately fixed on his chest and abs. jake didn’t let me to toy with him too much, that was his job.

his hand took my top off, as he took a sight of my bra. “not bad..” he whispered as he undid my bra. his other hand went into my already soaked panties. “typical virgin.” he whispered.

he slowly pulled down my panties to sniff it for a moment then tossed it away, like it meant nothing.

he pushed me down to the bed, forced my thighs open to take a sight of it, and looked at me to give him permission. i nodded to him as his finger slide down on my wetness, his thumb found my clit, pressed down a bit to see my reaction. i threw my head back as i let out a quiet moan. “let me hear you..” he whispered.

he slid two fingers inside me, without any warnings curling them slowly, to stroke that perfect spot while his thumb kept working on my clit. the pace was maddeningly slow building me up without letting me come. every time my breathing sped up, he just slowed down a little, keeping me right on the edge.

“u like being edged?” he whispered as his hand came up to cover one of my tits. my back immediately arched into his touch. “i knew you are a whore, you would open up your legs to anyone who knows how to edge you, right gorgeous?” he pressed his thumb on my clit. “now be a good girl, and come on my fingers”

“mm…” i nod, as his mouth moved to one of my nipples, his tongue flicked and swirled around it, while his thumb continued their slow, torture on my clit, while his fingers picked up the pace inside my pussy.

i was about to come, when he pulled his fingers out and licked them slowly. “not yet gorgeous.. not yet.”

jake didn’t even bother to find a condom, he released his hard cock from his boxer, as he gave some lazy stroke to it.

“condom?” i asked. he looked at me like i asked the most stupid question ever.

“you want to use one?” i nodded, of course. jake pulled one out of his jeans pocket and opened it with his teeth. “roll it up on my cock.” he said, and tossed it onto my stomach.

my hands slowly worked the condom up on his cock. “mhm.. fuck yeah.. you have magic hands.” he murmured as he threw his head back.

he got top of me, as he pinned my hands above my head. his lips brushed against my jaw. “you’re gonna take my hard cock, like a good little virgin. do you understand me?” i nodded quickly as i felt how soaked my pussy was. “i’m not here to act like a good boyfriend and go easy on you.” he groaned.

jake slowly pushed his dick inside me, inch by inch. then he started moving deep, rolling thrusts that were slow but heavy. every stroke dragged along my walls and hit that perfect spot inside me. his hips ground against my clit, adding enough pressure to make see stars. “mm.. shit.” my hands clung to his biceps.

“aahh fuck yeah..” he groaned as he started moving faster. “taking me so fucking well.” the pleasure build up, i felt how my forehead got sweaty from how close he was.

i let out a moan, as i followed jake over the edge, he came deep inside me with a groan.

“fucking hell.. you feel better than i imagined.” he buried his face between my tits. “you came a bit too soon, don’t you think?” he pulled his dick out of my pussy and rolled the condom down from his length. he let me to catch my breath as his eyes roamed over my body, he whispered. “absolutely breathtaking.”

he leaned down again to rub his nose against one of my nipple. i let out a loud moan. “ohh you like that?” he continued rubbing his nose against one of my nipples, he slid his nose down to my ribs as he continued his way towards my stomach, above my wetness. “you want me to lick that pretty pussy of yours, hmm..?” he looked up to me with his pretty brown eyes. “tell me..”

i was still in after shock, but i gave him a nod to do it. he dragged his nose to my clit.

“mm..” i whimpered as i arched my back. jake was insanely slow, he took his time. he lingered his nose on my clit.

i arched my back more. “mhm.. jake..”

he smirked, as he blow some cold air against my pussy to match with the pace of his nose. his tongue slowly dragged over my pussy.

“mm.. you taste like heaven.” he hummed in approval.

“i’m so close..” i moaned. jake started licking my pussy faster. i slightly grabbed his hair to push his face more into my cunt. “yes.. please.. jake.. there, ahhh.. yeah..” i moaned, as i rolled my hips against his mouth. “aahhh.. fuck..” my body shook, as he finally let me cum. i felt his smirk against my clit, as he was satisfied.

he sat back onto his knees. “now pretty girl, you’re gonna suck me off, like you could have done the first time we met.” he smirked, as he pushed me down on my knees and manspreaded for me. he let out a quiet chuckle. “good fucking girl.”

then he pushed his dick into my mouth, he was done with toying, he chased his own satisfaction.

i was shocked, i didn’t know what to do, i never sucked a dick. i looked up to jake with my big eyes, his dick was still in my mouth.

he cried out loud. “please gorgeous, don’t tell me you have never sucked a dick.” he said anxiously.

i shook my head.

“ahh fuck..” he groaned “i knew it, it’s never good fucking with a virgin.” he looked down at me. “fucking pathetic.”

“okay, pretty, look at me.” his thumb brushed against my lips. “just start sucking off my dick slowly, no teeth. and i will adjust you.” i quickly nodded.

i licked my way up to his tip, as i circled my tongue on the top of his cock. “good girl.” he praised me. i took his dick into my mouth inch by inch, his hand immediately flew into the back of my head.

“mhm.. fuck yeah.” he threw his head back as he rolled his hips. “yeah.. there.” he moaned, as he pushed his dick more into my mouth. “fucking amazing.” he groaned.

i started to get tired, as i slow down, he smirked. “you funny, i didn’t slow down when you chased your orgasm, do it faster, angel.” i nodded as i sucked him off faster.

“mhm.. yes.. yes.. there ya go.” he praised for one last time, as he came into my mouth.

jake threw his body down to the bed. “god bless your pretty mouth.” he murmured.

he didn’t offer any comfort after he laid down to the bed other side. i never did anything like this so i didn’t know how to act.

“that’s it?” my voice came out quieter than i wanted to be.

“ugh.. virgins are always so annoying.” he threw his arm around the blanket. “go shower or sleep, i don’t care.”

i left before morning. no note, no long goodbye. nothing that could turn it into something it wasn’t. because we both knew it was a one night stand. my heart felt a bit heavy, because i got attached to him. even that he told me not to.

it didn’t feel like a story when it ended. just a moment that ran its course and then stopped.

the next days felt quieter and no not in a peaceful way, just empty. because i still felt his scent when i entered the university gym, his hands on my waist, his whispers against my ears and his fingers inside my pussy. like something had been placed into my routine for a short time and then removed again without warning.

i went back to lectures, to library nights and to walking home alone. everything looked the same, but it didn’t feel the same anymore. i didn’t hear from him. and maybe that was the point. people like him didn’t stay in places like this.

a few days later, i heard it through someone else, he had left, flown back to melbourne like he said, like london had been a stop, not a destination.

i didn’t react when i heard it, not properly.

just nodded, said “oh.” because we were nothing more than one night. still it felt heavier, like a final decision that can’t be changed, like something had closed without a sound.