👽

My sweet boy

I’m nothing to you but a body, a toy

I’ve learned when I’m wanted

I’ve learned when I’m needed

Oh how you’d hate me

Wouldn’t I suck?

If I wasn’t someone you could just fuck

You tell me you love me

Say I bring you peace

But I think all that you want,

Is me in your sheets

You like the control

When I say your name

Pretending to love me is just your fuck me game

Say I’m the one

Tell me I’m your girl

All you want is me thinking I’m your world

The harder you play me

The more I love

Longer than they’ve seemed to be before

Almost as though time seems to slow down for us

When I breathe I take breaths of the air you let out, leaving small gaps between our lips for soft moans

Between the whispers, our secrets

The darkest ones untold

Like lock and keep we seal them shut, with the continuing moans to keep them downed out for only us to hear

So long since I’ve felt hands slide down my spine and across my body leaving me grasping for the heat that still lingers where you touched

As our body’s slow, our moans subside

Time passes, slowly again as eyes flutter struggling to keep gaze

I lie patient for every quiet beat of your heart

You give me peace

You give me a sense of home in the places I once didn’t belong

You make me feel things I’ve never in my wildest dreams could’ve ever imagined to be a true emotion.

You make me live life to life, rather than to live to die

Not the kind of hurt where you can fix it with a bandaid though.

The kind of hurt that affects their heart.

You can see the shell of who they are deteriorating as their soul screams for help to get out.

As their eyes lose the bright blue that they once were.

And their smile, it starts to constantly turn downwards.

Yet, with every piece of yourself you give to patch them, their pain remains unsealed.

At night when the world is quiet, you hear their silent screams.

Muffled by the chaos of the world.

A broken soul.

Your void has become my home.

A constant dumping ground for me to pour myself into.

Everything I have, and everything I am, is given to that dark void inside you.

It’s swallowing me and I’m drowning.

Selflessly I’m allowing myself to drown to fill you with every waking part of my soul.

And when I have nothing left to give, nothing but my breathless, water filled lungs, I will let you drain them to quench any last thirst I can give to satisfy you.

If the choice I made was the right one because maybe if I had done something different I wouldn’t be here right now.

I remember not much but staring at the illuminated screen.

I made mistakes then, but not now.

I’m different. I am brave. I am no longer those broken pieces you saw scattered across your bedroom floor that night.

And when you left, I had thought it was because you couldn’t handle someone like me. That someone like me, who was so damaged could never deserve love. Could never be wanted.

But I found it, and here you are again.

Sometimes we accept fake love.

We take whatever we can from the people that we want the most.

And we sink in everything they give us,

Hoping one day that will give us the love we have for them.

We do things we said we would never do.

Because all we want is to just feel anything.

To breathe free and to have true emotions that we can allow to be out.

I love falling.

When you fall and you’re stuck in the abyss.

Lost, you’re wandering but somehow at peace.

The feelings you get of nausea.

When the trees start to spin,

And somehow you find yourself on the ground.

You stare at the stars and wonder what it would be like to get up.

Close your eyes.

Imagine you are the stars.

All of them.

As the world is asleep, you quietly watch.

The lovers.

So intently laying there in each others arms.

They stare into each others eyes.

Pain, he feels the overwhelming feeling of pain.

Scared, she’s scared as she looks back at him.

Lost, they fall into the abyss.

Nothing.