x Wham Bam x

i was gonna try and recreate a picture i took today, in which i looked very slim and smooth and skinny and pretty. i opened my camera and i saw myself, sitting comfortably, my stomach pudging out and the fat in the crook of my side rolling, and i looked at it for a moment. and i thought “holy fuck, im goddamn adorable.”

fuck stretching my body out to look thin, fuck that one perfect camera angle that makes me look slimmer. fuck raising my arms above my head to make my breasts less droopy, fuck sucking my breath in. 

fuck equating the colors and fashion i like with gender. fuck feeling bad about correcting people when they call me a girl. fuck not wearing feminine clothes in the fear of being misgendered. fuck the idea that im not valid bc i like wearing pigtails and the color pink. fuck the idea that my body is not “right” for me. 

this body is mine. this body is small, is out of shape, has eczema, has rolls, has flab. it squishes funny when i sit down and looks all patchy and weird after i take showers. it makes me dysphoric, it limits how i want to be perceived. it is not a reflection of who i am.

but it’s what i have. it’s all i have. it’s cute, it’s sexy, it’s really goddamn adorable. and if i expect others to believe me when i say that they are beautiful, then i have to believe it too. i have to love myself in any form i take. and i do.