Wolf's Blog

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

You better watch out

You better watch out

but brock can get with lucy, arguably one of the hottest pokemon girls, cause of his eyes

she has a thing for them

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

You better watch out

You better watch out

So the context is that I’m a first time DM playing with friends and were quite a few sessions in. They make jokes out of everything and don’t take it seriously at all. One night I made the mistake of thinking if they were a bit more engaged they’d get into it. I’d just read a writing tip saying that if you engage all five senses, people are more likely to become immersed in the scenario. I was describing the twilight sky over the woods when

Elven rogue (OOC): So its sunset? Why not just say that? DM: Because I’m trying to immerse you! The other PC’s join in and start laughing and I become visibly upset So the half orc barbarian calms the party down and tells me to continue and that they’ll take it seriously. After a deep breath I regain my composure and come up with a new plan. DM: So ahead there are faintly glowing runes engraved into a tree. Can anyone read Dwarvish? Elf Sorcerer: Oh! I can! DM: Okay so you approach the tree and lightly trace your fingers over the runes, your fingers are filled with a soft warmth as you read the runes they translate to “Updog”

(Context:  The party has just been forcibly escorted out of town.)

So I just joined a campaign with my boyfriend and a bunch of our friends. We are nearing the end of the session and are fighting an air elemental. We end up defeating it and notice some plate armor beginning to fly away. Our Monk (a Tabaxi) really wants the armor because he’s a merchant.

Monk: Can I jump and try to catch it?

DM: What’s your jump height?

Monk: Enough maybe.

((Our Fighter and our Wizard chime in at this point.))

Fighter: Can we just try and throw him to catch it if his jump height isn’t enough?

DM: You can certainly try. Roll a strength check.

The Fighter (a Dragonborn) and the Barbarian (a Half-Orc) make strength checks and both roll natural 20’s. The whole party just starts screaming and the two of them yell “YEET”.

Our DM just face-palms.

DM (to our Monk): *sigh* Yeah, you got it. You catch the armor and superhero land perfectly.

Context: My friend was playing an otterfolk bard in a heavily homebrewed campaign, and his character had a bottomless bag. He was a bit of a hoarder that used the bag to put random stuff in, and if they party put anything in it, they likely would never see it again.

The party visited an oasis of healing water, and told [Bard] to put some in his bag. So he collects roughly 38 gallons of healing water.

Later the party visited a city, where they were stopped at the gate by the guards. The bard had adopted an persona of a merchant who sounded like Richard Nixon with half of his face paralyzed.

Guard: What’s in the bag?

Bard: I’m a merchant, and these are my wares.

Guard: Listen, I need to see what’s in your bag; it’s about as big as you are and could be holding some suspicious items.

Party: No! Don’t do that! Isn’t that against the rules or something?

Guard: I have the authority to look through this bag for suspicious items.

He then proceeds to upend the bag, dumping out the 38 gallons of water that the Bard had collected, a look of “What the fuck?” On his face. He looked to the bard, who says:

Bard: I’m a purveyor of liquids.

A few joking D&D achievements.