ares 𖹭

how am i supposed to spiral aesthetically like this.

my grandpa died. it was sudden, unexpected. he was supposed to get better. i felt his cold body when it came from the hospital.

been mostly busy and offline because my grandpa is diagnosed w cancer and hes staying with us + my grandma and uncle also have come down to stay and take care of him its been really scary, and awfully hectic as well and when i find time to myself (which i have recently) i just dont have the energy to go on social media most ill do is scroll reels or watch youtube, and looking at other people going out, enjoying this summer break fills me with a feeling of jealousy that i am not quite familiar with. so i try to avoid stories and posts that much, even here on tumblr. thankfully, i do have people who care a lot about me and ive been in touch with them as frequently as my mind allows me to, so thats been alright. also been lowkey struggling w my own health issues flaring up again, but most of my focus goes on my extremely sick and weak grandpa who will most definitely make a full recovery imo! just need to get past these few weeks as his treatment is halfway done college admission portals and processes are also taking a toll on me, lowkey just wishing they throw me in one without me having to use their shitty websites to upload a document 3 times bcs its not under 20KB lol. so yeah! thinks have been looking up as well as going down in many ways, im glad to have some people around me but most def gonna be inactive for a bit fuck cancer

my anger? doesn’t get a name. it gets swallowed. it gets called ungrateful, overdramatic, disrespectful. what do i even have to be angry about?

these days for no other reason but to please my ancestors i make a platter of fruits and dry fruits and enjoy these simple riches that they sure would want their daughter to enjoy without having to do back hurting labor in the fields or woods.