It was not love, that I must remind myself. All the guys I’ve had in my life, it was utter bullshit and not love. I had the privilege to think it was and bash myself up once it ended then go through the phase of hating guys after weeks and falling all over again, as though, I was stupid enough to not pay attention to myself. It was always the same cycle, maybe that is why none of them lasted. On this lonely night, at 2.31am, here I am writing this, whereby, once I thought gazing at the stars were everything, and laughing on the phone while having rambling conversations were all that, lets add up having romantic scenes from those petty romantic movies extracted too, just to make myself feel even more shitty than I already am, because why not, aite?
I’ve been called an angel to the love of their lives and when things goes bitter, I get called nasty names. ‘’Why?’’ I ask myself, every dang time it happens. It was because I was so vulnerable. I let them in so quickly, thinking everything was a damn fairytale, when I was raised to see it before my eyes that nothing from the fairytales are real. No, this isn’t that typical self-pity posts, I like writing, so sue me >
Anyways, the recent love I lost was tragic, because I lost the love I had for myself. If 10 years old me sees the 20 year old me, goddamn that lil’ girl gonna be so disappointed. ( no jokes lol )
Hey, its never too late, isn’t it? You learn after the broken pieces and the cuts and wounds, they eventually heal, you eventually grow up, you eventually accept that nobody is worth making yourself look down on yourself. If that happens in severe cases, you’re losing, right? Momma always told me that, sadly, i barely listened to her, that is why I am here writing this shit on tumblr.
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