20💋 |😙💨|

Three years ago, my grandfather died of cancer. He’d been married to my grandma for over fifty years. Every morning, they had breakfast together. They’d spend the day reading in their lounge chairs positioned exactly three feet away from each other. Every evening grandpa would go out to pick up dinner and a bouquet of pink roses for my grandma. They would eat dinner together and discuss their day, the grand kids, etc. and then go to bed after their favorite show of Extreme Home Makeover. Grandpa slept on the right, grandma on the left. When he was gone, her routine was broken. Grandma was put in a home because now she didn’t have anyone to watch over her, to remind her to take her medicines, to help her up the stairs. She stopped dyeing her hair, putting on makeup, reading her favorite novels over and over. She hollowed herself from the inside out. The light of the tv would flash over the blank shell of her face. She died three months later of a heart attack. I think it was because her heart couldn’t take living without him anymore. Scientist will tell you it’s impossible to die because of a broken heart. But have you every seen what emotions can do to someone? They can change you into someone completely different, morph you into a better or worse version of you. There’s structures in your heart called heart strings. They can be damaged when you undergo heavy emotional turmoil. I wonder if when you’re in love, if the heart strings thrum and sing to the rhythm of your accelerated heartbeat whenever he holds your hand. Or if the chords of your heart strings hum sadly when he leaves you. I believe my grandmother died of a broken heart, even if I’m not a doctor. And I believe my heart strings are singing sadly in the cavity of my chest. And I believe they’re in danger of breaking.

I. Delete all of his pictures. Unfriend him on Facebook. Unfollow him on Twitter and Instagram. Clear your phone of his name, his face, his smile. Because seeing his posts about how happy he is with her is not a step in the recipe for moving on. II. Throw away everything he gave you. His jackets, shirts he bought you on road trips, rings, jewelry. Throw away his broken promises and the way he smelled when you were rolled up in his arms. Rid yourself of physical objects that remind you of him. III. Clean your room. Dust, vacuum, fold, iron. One of the symptoms of a broken heart is clutter. So clean. And get rid of clothes you don’t wear anymore, the outfit you wore when he kisses you for the first time. Clear the space around you until it’s a clean slate. IV. Use lights. Turn on lamps and hall lights and light candles here and there. Your fingers will itch for the off switch so you can lay in darkness and replay his voice in your head. So illuminate the world around you with lights. And soon your heart will light up again too. V. Shower. Allow yourself to indulge in a long shower or a bubble bath. Blare your favorite music and wash off every lingering touch that he left on your skin. His kisses and the dead skin gone, you’ll feel refreshed. New. VI. Wear all the makeup you want. Dress up. Do your hair. His rejection should not determine how you treat yourself. So go about how you normally do. In fact, go about better than you normally do. Let yourself be pampered. Indulge in what you love. Shine as bright as you can. You may not feel like it, but fake it till you make it. And soon enough, you’ll be glowing without any effort at all. VII. Listen to music. The quiet is the perfect place for self doubt and depression to creep in with cold fingers that will latch themselves around your happiness and throttle it. So fill the air with your favorite songs. Carry around headphones. Compile playlists that will make you smile when you most need it. Sing along as loud and as badly as you want. You’ll feel weightless. VIII. Go outside. Walk around. Feel the sun on your face and the wind in your hair. Listen to the birds singing and water rushing. Walk, run, jump. Enjoy the world around you. It’ll be impossible not to feel happy. This is where you came from, the world you live in, go out and see it. IX. Lastly, smile. I know your mouth has been trying to fold itself over into a frown ever since he left. But smile anyways. Smile at strangers, at children, at animals. Even if you don’t feel it, smile. Your heart may feel shattered now, but smiles are the best medicine. And you’ll begin to feel them over time. So smile.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges..

Nobody will protect you from your suffering. You can’t cry it away or eat it away or starve it away or walk it away or punch it away or even therapy it away. It’s just there, and you have to survive it. You have to endure it. You have to live through it and love it and move on and be better for it and run as far as you can in the direction of your best and happiest dreams across the bridge that was built by your own desire to heal.

They tell me suicide is selfish cause you stop suffering but you hurt others. Isn’t it more selfish to want someone not to commit suicide and continue suffering?

You can’t Facebook your problems.. But you can definitely tumblr them.