can you save me?

Feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

at a party

“Woah, someone drank too much egg nog.”

“Look, I only came for the Christmas cookies.”

“So do I make a sexy Santa/elf/reindeer or what?”

“Merry Christmas! Let’s get wasted.”

“Is my outfit too festive/not festive enough?”

“Hey! Come on in, I’ll get you a drink.”

a grinch

“I can’t believe I’m all alone during the holidays.”

“Most wonderful time of the year, my ass.”

“I hate snow. And smiling children.”

“If I hear one more Christmas song, someone is getting strangled with tinsel.”

“The only thing good about Christmas is the candy canes.”

“Wow, that gingerbread house is…unique.”

“Egg nog is disgusting.”

anti-grinch

“I’ve had my tree up since November.”

“How could you not like the holidays?!”

“I’m going to shove a candy cane up my ass. I’m so excited!”

“Christmas is the only time of year when I’m stressed out AND receiving a bunch of gifts.”

“There’s NO way I’m going to lose the house decorating competition.”

“Christmas isn’t a holiday. It’s a way of life.”

presents

“What did you get me?” / “I’m not telling you! It’s a surprise.”

“I didn’t know what to buy you, so..I made you something…”

“You gave me the present that I gave to YOU last year?”

“It’s perfect…”

“Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“The only gift I want is stability and happiness. But this wrapping paper is pretty.”

“You just rip the paper right off?! You heathen.” / “You save the paper? Nerd.”

secret santa

“Ugh, I can’t believe I got ___ for secret santa.”

“I got ____!! What should I give him/her/them?”

“Who bought me socks? They’re plain white no-brand socks.”

“The limit was $20, people. Why do I see an iPhone?”

“I know who got me this. There’s only one person who knows me this well. It’s you.”

with friends

“I got us matching ugly sweaters.”

“Do you think I can fit these candy canes up my nose?”

“Merry Christmas, fuckers. I’m broke but at least I got you stuff.”

“This is really corny…but you’re already a gift to me.”

“I haven’t seen you in so long! Get over here and give me a hug.”

flirty

“Are you Santa? Because I’d sit on your lap.”

“Have I been naughty this year?”

“Oh, I’d ride in your sleigh.”

“Your eyes twinkle like tree lights.”

“All I want for Christmas is you.”

snow

“It’s snowing! That’s so perfect!”

“Great, now my flight is delayed…”

“How am I supposed to get home in this weather?”

“Baby, it’s cold outside…”

“Let’s have a snowball fight.”

no snow

“Why can’t we have a white Christmas?”

“It’s too hot for hot cocoa.”

“I wish I could wear a sweater without dying.”

“It’s nice to get away from all the cold.”

“The only ice I want to see is in a cold drink.”

knows nothing about other holidays

“So is it Jesus’s birthday?”

“Where did Santa even come from?”

“…Isn’t the tree a pagan tradition?”

“How do the deer fly?”

“This holiday sounds like it was made by someone on crack.”

“What’s a Hannukah?” / “What’s a Kwanzaa?”

“Is what I’m wearing okay?”

“Stop calling me a grinch! I’m not even Christian.”

hannukah

“Watch me shove all these latkes in my mouth.”

“You don’t know how to play with a dreidel?” / “Let me teach you the dreidel game.”

“See the menorah? It’s LIT.”

“Try the sufganiyot and you will forget about Christmas cookies.”

“Hannukah is the time of year when us Jews gather and decide the next step in taking over the world. At least that’s what that crazy guy from work told me.”

“Do these dreidel cake pops look Pinterest-y enough?”

“Christians get WAY too upset over Starbucks cups. I’ve never gotten a Hannukah Starbucks cup! You don’t see me rioting about it.”

“That’s not a dreidel…That’s a beyblade.”

kwanzaa

“Who needs one day of Christmas when I have a whole week of Kwanzaa?”

“See the kinara? It’s LIT.”

“I can’t go home until I buy a new kinara.”

“What do you think of the decorations? I think I need more African print.”

“How are we out of food? Kwanzaa is about the harvest!”

“I like Kwanzaa. It’s a holiday of principles.”

“It’s not a ‘made-up’ holiday. All holidays are made up.”

“Kinda wish the unity cup was filled with whiskey. And that I could drink all of it.”

misc.

“No matter the holiday, family time is always a bad idea.”

“This isn’t Pinterest-y enough!”

“Come on, let’s take a quick selfie. We never see each other.”

“I can’t even describe it, I don’t have any words.”

“My wife gave me advice: don’t make any jokes.”

“I’m quite random.”

“We thought we’d start you nice and simply.”

“My hands are shaking so much.”

“She has two burning passions: British baking and bodybuilding.”

“It could be fantastic or it could be disastrous.”

“I always serve gin and tonic with just a little bit of regret.”

“Nothing wrong with doing something simply and well.”

“I’m loving the fact that he’s been deemed strategically important.”

“There’s a powerhouse of self-confidence going on.”

“That’s a lot of gin. I’ll keep adding it.”

“You don’t wear as much hair gel, which is a relief to us.”

“Time to reveal your cracks!”

“It’s like chewing on wallpaper paste.”

“It is quintessentially British.”

“I’m going to break the rules.”

“Holy shenanigans!”

“Thank god you’re not a surgeon.”

“Caramel is not going to ruin me.”

“I like working with chocolate and alcohol.”

“I can’t wait to romp in your forest.”

“I don’t want it to look like a small child had done it.”

“You should be proud of that.”

“I’ll remember this forever.”

“He just tried to be too clever.”

“I want to go home and put my feet up and have a good rest.”

“Hopefully I’ll get away with it.”

“Ten minutes until you snap!”

“Just funnel them into my open mouth.”

“I look forward to breaching that high-security box.”

“That sounds even more pretentious.”

“You’ve got to be a little bit crazy to put yourself through this.”

“It’s like going into battle.”

“I never go down without a fight.”

“I’ve never made such a mess before in my life.”

“If I leave, you’re coming with me.”

“It doesn’t look promising, does it.”

“So that’s how competitive I’m not.”

“There’s no devil in that bread.”

“It’s a thing of beauty, my friend.”

“That wasn’t really a word of wisdom.”

“You have been particularly nasty on this one.”

“This is a lot trickier than I thought it would be.”

“Two minutes until the man-gorilla that is [name] comes in.”

“I’m just feeling sorry for whoever that is.”

“I’m working on the ‘less is more’ attitude.”

“I’ve never seen so much bread.”

“Guard it with your life.”

“Finally, a time when it’s okay to burn the living hell out of something.”

“I tried it, then never did it again.”

“What went wrong, I don’t know.”

“She’s gone very new-age, hasn’t she?”

“I’m out on the lash now.”

“It’s judgement time.”

“I can’t wait to wrap him in a foil cape and give him a good rub down.”

“They all want to break my fingers but I guess that’s what I gotta live with.”

“I’ve got fear. Cake fear.”

“I tried to do something different, and it didn’t work.”

“What the hell?”

“I hope you’re wearing your sequined undergarments.”

“I feel like I’ve got something to prove today.”

“Please rub some on him.”

“You’re trying to frighten him!”

CONTENT WARNING FOR VIOLENCE AND SWEARING.

“Watch yourself, _____. Our “alliance” is an increasingly temporary one.”

“I told you when we started this, no killing.”

“In another life… I think you and I could have been very good friends.”

“Oh, _____. What have you done to yourself this time?”

“_____, for the love of fuck, just tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

“Well… maybe the universe is better off with some people just not being in it anymore.”

“Look into my eyes and tell me I’m lying.”

“But here’s the secret about most sacrifices… there’s nothing selfless about them at all.”

“Dying is definitely the last sacrifice you can make… but sometimes, it’s your first one that sets the tone for everything that follows.”

“Each new person we welcome into our hearts is a chance to evolve into something radically different than we used to be. But what happens when those people disappear from our lives?”

“But if you ever want to talk about things that aren’t imaginary, I hope you know that you can tell me anything anytime. And whatever you say can stay just between us.”

“But right now, me and you got bigger problems than each other.”

“How you think we can keep something like that a secret?”

“You said. You said I could tell you anything.”

“What I can or can’t forgive isn’t for you to decide.”

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?”

“Says something you read somewhere once? How can we ever know for sure?”

“Um, it’s a real long story… so could you please just help me, please?”

“I… I can’t risk anything happening to you, _____.”

“It’s not because we’re so different from each other… it’s because we’re all so goddamn alike.”

“Actually, I’m going to help you escape.”

“All I did was tell the truth, _____. You’re the one who says that’s what matters, right?”

“It’s important you know I’m only here to laugh over your inevitable corpses.”

“I’m well aware of the risks.”

“I realize this is the last thing one is ever supposed to say… but I have some idea what you must be going through.”

“Death is so fucking predictable.”

“You can roll over if you want, _____… but I plan to go out shooting.”

send me a word for a starter

send me AFRAID! for a starter based around a phobia my character has.

send me BOO! for a starter where my character trying to scare yours.

send me BLACK CAT! for a starter where my character comes home with a stray cat.

send me BLOOD! for a starter where my character is extremely injured.

send me CANDY! for a starter where my character has a stomach ache from eating too much candy.

send me CEMETERY! for a starter where my character is visiting someone who’s passed away with your character.

send me COSTUME! for a starter where my character is showing yours their halloween costume.

send me DARKNESS! for a starter where all the electricity goes out in the middle of the night.

send me GHOST! for a starter where my character is trying to convince yours that ghosts are/aren’t real.

send me GRIM REAPER! for a starter where my character is dying.

send me HAUNT! for a starter where my character thinks the house is haunted.

send me JACK O’LANTERN! for a starter where our characters are carving pumpkins.

send me NIGHTMARE! for a starter where my character suddenly wakes up from a bad dream.

send me SPIDER! for a starter where my character spots a spider while in the shower.