Lately, my depression and anxiety have been getting really bad. Let me just say, quarantine, and this whole covid thing really isn’t help either. I’ve decided to take summer session because... since I can’t go out or travel anyways.... may as well get this degree that much sooner, right? With that being said, I’ve taken it upon myself to take a 5 week Biology class. LOLOLOL 10/10 would not recommend.

I’m really out here frustrated, and about to give up because I don’t even feel adequate enough. I keep thinking “maybe I’m not cut out for this whole school thing” “wow, have I always been this stupid” etc and I have been on the verge of just giving up and quitting. Not just on school, but just life itself.

The other day, I opened up to my friend and the first thing he said was “No, you can’t  think like that... I aim to be more like you each and every day. When I find myself in a difficult situation, I try to think what you would do in that situation” I never thought that I would be the type of person to inspire people. honestly. I don’t see myself as a role model type of person, maybe because I feel so average.

Literally the next day, my coworker comes up to me and we start talking... I asked him what he’s working on now (like outside of work)... and during the conversation he brings up that “I’ve inspired him” He sees me working so hard on school during my shifts that it made him want to better himself and study his own trade more. It’s been a while, but he said if I can push myself to study so can he.

I have another friend, who literally supports me to earths end and is proud of anything and everything that I do... NO REALLY. I texted him that I got out out class 5 hours early, and he was like nice! He asked how my class was, and I literally told him I didn’t pay attention because I remember this info from high school so I utilized my time to do other studying. He was so proud of me. I was like.... um.... of like not paying attention? and he said “no, how well you are doing in school, and how you take the time to study other things knowing I know the info being taught”

It warms my soul realizing that people look at me in such a positive light, it just goes to show that you truly are your own worst critic.