who is in control

“I don’t know, I think you’re doing pretty well now,” Trish replied with a simple shrug. She knew that Jess had been having more clients and as far as she was told the times her friend stayed away were because she was busy with work – although they could very easily be just excuses. Jess was a terrible liar, especially to her, but she knew how to be sneaky when she wanted to.

“Well, not on your own, but if he didn’t register it means he believes people like you deserve privacy. It was a bold move, I would never expect someone wearing stars and stripes to defy our government,” Trish commented, the respect for the heroic legend obvious in her voice. She felt like Jessica could be like that, but she wouldn’t want to wear costumes. Too bad.

At the denial to go after IGH’S records, she sighed heavily. “It’s your past. And with more pressure on superpowered people, what do you think will happen if they release it for some reason? What if the government somehow knows?” Yes, she had been stressing out about that for a while.

Jessica shrugged and didn’t say anything. Trish was right, though. She had been getting more cases, but some people had the nerve to bring up what she had done with Kilgrave, hoping that she’d kill people for them since they were heartbroken by her discoveries. It got on her nerves and she avoided talking about such cases with Trish, mainly about how she felt about it. She did feel haunted by killing someone. She hadn’t wanted to do it, but after so many deaths, there was only one reasonable thing to do; mainly after Kilgrave had gotten his disgusting hands on Trish - after that, Jess had only one thing in mind.

“You know I don’t work well with others.” Jessica said, licking her lips and watching the tv. It wasn’t like she was going after the heroes who hadn’t accepted being registered and start a team of her own to fight against the government. “He’s laying low, Trish. What makes you think I should be the bold one to make a stand? I’m nobody next to him. And in fact, I’d rather remain like this.” Being off radar meant she was safe, or as safe as someone like her would ever be. Putting her face out there, though, meant being involved in things she didn’t really want to be involved. Jessica knew Trish would be involved if she could, but Jess was nothing like her.

“The government doesn’t care about the supers who are not destroying things or putting people’s lives at harm, Trish. People know what I’ve done to Kilgrave, but the fact that they don’t come after me is because Kilgrave was a worse threat than me.” Jessica hated having this conversation with Trish, but apparently Trish would never let go of this. “Is it so hard for you to understand I don’t want to go back? Can’t I live my life in the present?” The past was too horrible to go back to. 

I’m not leaving you alone.

Trish hummed noncommittally at Jessica’s excuse; it didn’t matter at that point whether it was true or not, at least they could spend some time together. She tilted her head to glare at her friend for all the complaints about the show, although that was already expected from a grumpy PI. “Well, my actual sources don’t want to teach me, I gotta learn somewhere,” she countered.

“And alright, that was a bad episode, but they have some interesting cases. This one was easy to guess, though, obviously the guy was going after women who looked like his mother, that’s cliche,” she sighed, motioning around with the remote control. “You know how much I like detective stories. I’m glad you’re finding work to do as well, I think it’s the most stable job you’ve ever had.” Not that the bar was too high for that anyway.

Trish bit her lip, hesitating before speaking again. “You know you could do better, right? Find more important stuff to work with, see how we can take this registration thing down… not to mention the IGH investigation you keep refusing to get into.”

Jessica looked at Trish at her comment but said nothing. She had time and time again told Trish she was not going to teach her friend how to be a detective. It was annoying enough to have Malcolm say he was his employee and trying to learn anything he could from Jessica. However, it wasn’t because it was annoying that she didn’t teach Trish, but mostly because she worried where her friend might put herself into if she tried. Trish was brave and, to some extent, reckless, and Jessica feared for her.

“Cliché, but they can’t really mess up cliche, can they?” Jessica said with a shrug. Better an episode with a cliche that was well made, than an episode with something new that made no sense whatsoever. At the comment about her job, Jessica sighed. “It may be the longest job I’ve ever had, but it’s far from stable.” Jobs came often, even more so after Kilgrave’s death, but some were crazy or stupid and she didn’t accept the job.

Trish didn’t say anything for another long moment, tracking Jessica’s movements with interested blue eyes. It was always a relief to have the other woman back in her life, but it also made her nervous. No one could blame her for harboring hopes after Kilgrave’s death, right? She had tried her best, had accepted that perhaps things had changed too much, but whenever Jess was near she felt complete.

Those were thoughts she never dared to say aloud, however. She knew her lover best friend better than anyone else and perhaps was one of the few who recognized how compassionate and self-sacrificing Jess could be under that hard exterior. After everything, Jess probably still blamed herself and bringing up painful subjects could be the push to send her away forever. Trish couldn’t risk it.

“You know you can pick up the phone and call sometimes, no need to climb up to my balcony like good old Romeo to ask how I am,” she said, in that usual tone that was both admonishing and soft. She could never be too angry at her most intimate friend. “But I’ve been alright. Watching old reruns of Criminal Minds, trying to learn how to be a good detective. They’re about to catch the killer.”

Jessica rolled her eyes at Trish’s words, but it had been hard to call when she was trying to keep her distance. She should have known she wouldn’t be able to stay away - again - but sometimes it was too difficult to endure life and Trish didn’t deserve anything of this shit that came up with Jessica being a screwed up, gifted bitch.

“I’ve been busy with a case. Wanted to finish it before contacting you.” It was only half a lie. She could very well manage her job while keeping up with Trish - talking to her on a daily basis, visiting her, going out for coffee, or a stroll just to sight see. However, she had been engrossed in a case in an attempt to stop herself from calling Trish or even going to her place. It had worked up until she finished the job and she had nothing else to do for a couple days more. One thing led to another and there Jessica was once more.