It's been a year since I've vented. Wild.
Anyways, "people dont just magically lose attraction to people when they're in a relationship"
...well I do. Let's stop pretending we don't exist.
It's certainly possible to not look at other people when in a relationship. But I feel like people misunderstand this.
Is the person just glancing at them? Then they aren't noticing their attractiveness, they are looking at them as they do with literally everyone, animals and children included. Has nothing to do with attraction. It's impossible to not glance at people, it's like instinct. It's just less than a second.
Is the person looking at them for longer than a glance? Then yes, it's valid for people to think it's a problem. It might not be for you, but there is nothing wrong with people taking issue with this. I dont get why it's okay just because "they chose you". Just disrespectful. "Theyll never see them" even fucking worse.
It's got nothing to do with insecurity. I hate when people use that. There's nothing wrong with wanting someone who aligns closely to you, and if that means no porn or ogling, then so what? Find someone who doesn't care, that doesn't affect you. If you dont want someone religious, its seen as okay. If you don't want someone who is black, it's for some ungodly reason seen as okay. But that's the line drawn? It's bizarre.
And I hate the whole biological thing because it implies that they're stupid people who cant control themselves. I can control myself, and so can others. I love and definitely respect my partner, so I'd do what I can to show that.
I typically only find anime characters attractive. But when I'm in a relationship, I feel no attraction towards literally anyone but them. It's like hyperfocus tunnelvision. We exist. Stop pretending we don't.
There's a lot of things I hate about myself, but love is certainly up there.
Sometimes I cry thinking I won't find the love of my life. I don't want to settle for someone just because they're more accessible. I want to settle for someone who feels the way I do.
I want someone who fits my concept of a partner, even if that means cutting out 90% of the population.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting someone who doesn't ogle other people or watch/support porn. It's simply just wanting someone of similar values, and most importantly... wanting someone who feels the way I do. I don't want to look at other people because I already have someone to look at. No, we don't think they're going to cheat.
If this risks me being single for the rest of my life, so be it.
And it's heartbreaking because I thought I found that person. They matched EVERYTHING. Until two months ago. Two months ago made me rethink everything, and I want to fucking die. But that's normal.
I felt lied to. You say it was a mistake, but you dont just let that happen.
I am delving into madness. I'm fucking losing it.
I'm closing my commissions for a few months, I'm becoming what I hate most. This is the start of my downfall.














