the bite is a gift

drinking wasn’t really her thing; at least it hadn’t been. right now she wasn’t above the help in quieting down her head on the strange everything that was around her. the more she thought about all of the things happening that she didn’t understand, the more that she wanted to find some sort of reprieve from it all, a break, a silence, a numbing-over of her thoughts and dulling to the sensitivity she felt through her senses. everything felt abrasive, every light, every sound no matter how quiet felt like it was right in her ear, her skin hurt from even the fabric against her skin; it just felt wrong, like she was in a body that didn’t belong to her anymore and all she wanted was the silence of being outside of it all together. she leaned into the counter with the can of coke after she opened it, only to pour the whiskey into the two small glasses and slide one of them to him. 

“feeling too little or feeling too much…” she mutters, an aimless musing really because she knew it was a thin line, too much and too little. feeling too much confusion, too little of who she was, who he was too because she understood that he was lacking a part of himself that had always been there, she was lacking the last three years of the word, the sound of the can being cracked open made her eyes wince and then it was ‘too little’ again and she didn’t have the energy to stand in here at the counter. “it never happened so neither of us will talk about it. do you need me to hide your phone so you don’t dial anyone? because you should probably hide mine.” allison informs him, a small smile on her lips as she just left it sitting on the kitchen counter, before her glass clinked into his and she brought hers to her lips to knock it back. allison heard enough to know not to let it touch her tongue but it did at the back and she winced slightly over the burn, setting the glass back to the counter and clearing her throat of the discomfort. she wasn’t a drinker in the slightest, hadn’t been, so naturally she brought her can of coke to her lips for a chaser.

derek suggested the movement and she nodded, grabbing both her glass and the can of coke that was hers and moving with them to the living room to place just the soda down on the coffee table, amber eyes turning to look at him. “yeah sure.” music to drown out over-thinking. allison moved to sit down, having initially thought for the couch but instead she sunk down to sit on the floor in front of it and leaned her back into it instead, grabbing the bottle from the coffee table to refill both of their glasses. “so…this isn’t bad though…” allison gestured at the room. “for a place you didn’t even pick it’s pretty you.” or… “at least what i’d imagine. like that warehouse of yours was smashed into your family’s place, minus the kate-effect.” minus the char. allison left her words at that; she wasn’t here to dredge ugly things up. she picked up her glass again to take a more controlled drink of it, only sipping for now because by the light heaviness in her head she knew she’d knocked the first glass back too quickly.

this was most likely a first for the both of them, definitely for him. though he wasn’t just drinking to enjoy the taste of it, he wanted to just feel anything but the emptiness inside of him, wanted to feel something else. he knew alcohol could numb all senses make you feel happier or really down depending on your own mood, but with allison here, and the music he was picking out, they were hopefully in for a good night.

hearing her words, hazel hue turns to amber, before he was sloshing the liquid around in the glass she slid over to him. “here’s hoping this stuff will help out with that.” he says giving her a gentle smile. derek would never compare himself to how allison was feeling. to be quite honest her feelings on all of this, were probably the most important ones, because she had so much to sift through. he actually didn’t mind her being here, because in some sense they both knew how the other was feeling with all of this. he might not have died, but it felt like a part of him did, and that part was a big chunk of who derek was, and now it was gone. just like allison’s life, coming back to life, watching how the world carried on without her. he’d never understand the extent of what she was going through, or relate because losing apart of yourself and being brought back from the dead, were two completely different situations. he was smiling listening to her words, a quiet chuckle escaping his lips. “i actually don’t have a cell phone. never needed one.” he tells her, looking down at her phone, before looking back up at her. “want me to actually hide it though?” he asks, before he was knocking back the drink with her the burn in his throat making him cough a bit, shaking his head at himself, for even attempting that.

he was nodding his head, as he crouches in front of his stereo system, c.d’s already in there from what he liked to listen to, and he put on incubus’ c.d and pushed play, before he was seeing where allison situated herself and decided to do the same, not really wanting to get too comfortable on the couch, and not really willing to sit on it just yet. he took the glass she had refilled thanking her for it, before hazel hue looked around the place, listening to her words and nodding his head. “no, this is pretty much me. not so burnt up, and little less space. exactly how i wanted a home to be.” he tells her, giving her a soft smile, letting her know he was fine with the topic at hand. “alcohol is really strong.” he mutters out as he takes another sip of his drink. he wasn’t drunk, not yet. just pointing out a fact he didn’t know.

moving into the kitchen her hand touched to the surface of the counter, eyes glancing around the place. she wasn’t so worried now about intruding if this was just like all of the other situations around her. the place belonged to derek, like the house that her dad had woken up in was theirs, even with no understanding of how that happened. at least she wasn’t worried about an owner coming home and wondering why they were here. derek’s car was in the garage and his bills on the table beside the door. there had to be a reason for it, so she relaxed. with relaxing her muscles it just made her feel tired and drained, entirely, but the idea of having a drink or two would be enough to remedy that. allison moved to the fridge to pull it open, scanning her eyes over the shelves for a few cans of coke inside, something to drink that wasn’t just straight alcohol, which she was fine with, it was just that the sugar could maybe help her mind manage better than it was. 

“it’s strange for everyone it’s happening to.” she mutters, meeting his eyes with a small nod and cracking open both cans of coke on the counter that she had placed down, one brought to her lips. she watched him find where he would normally hide bottles and when he found them in just that spot, she let out a sigh because she should have figured. no longer, at least no more for the night, was allison worried about whatever this mess was and no longer did she even want to think about it. part of her was sure if she thought about any more tonight, she would start finding it funny and drive herself crazy. they couldn’t all be losing their minds, and she didn’t think she was imaginative enough to be creating all of this while in a coma so….the can of coke was brought to her lips for a drink of the cold carbonated sugar, her head shaking lightly at his words as she swallowed a small sip. “it’s not my first drink.” not that there had been many before this one, but if nothing else was known, allison’s lack of fear was no secret when she wanted it known. “wait….” she caught on then to what he was saying and glanced to the alcohol, piecing together very quickly the little detail that she’d lapsed on. blame being tired. “right, you couldn’t feel it before.” she nodded, and after a short second she reached for the bottle and left him with the can of coke that was his, twisting the cap herself on the whiskey and pouring each of them half into the small glasses he’d gotten out for them. allison picked hers up and tilted it slightly towards his. “to feeling it, then.”

he could hear her moving behind him, and he turned to look to see her bringing out two cans of coke. he was moving then back to her, after shutting the cupboards back up. he knew it was strange for everyone, but at least not everyone had to deal with dying and coming to a new place that had their belongings, at least derek just had to deal with losing  a part of him and he had to deal with and along with his house being here. “you have a point.” he tells her, hazel hue looking to hers as he nods his head and takes a sip of his coke. he didn’t need to remind her of what she already knew, that she had to deal with dying and being here, and had to get used to everyone she knew getting used to her being here with them.  wasn’t something she needed to be reminded of and derek wasn’t the type to point that out to her when she already knew. “you seem to handle it very well then.” he says giving her a soft smile, because he never saw allison argent drunk, not that they partied together but that one time they had a rave in his place, he never saw her drunk, at least she was responsible which she always had been from what he remembered.  hearing her say wait, derek looked up from his coke to her once more, a light frown appearing on his face, thinking something was wrong or that she’d changed her mind which was fine, because he wouldn’t pressure her into doing something she didn’t want to do. though a light smile played on his face hearing her words, nodding gently at them. “right. and you’re going to be the first person ever to see me drunk. my alcohol tolerance is going to be so low.” he mutters, watching her pouring the whiskey into the glasses a deep breath leaving his lips as he grabs his and tilts his to make them clink. “to feeling it.” he says before he downed it in one go, the burn running down his throat, into his stomach, making him cough lightly.

“would you like some music on?” he asks her, though he was moving with the alcohol in hand to the living room, they might as well make themselves comfortable at least, right? instead of just standing in the kitchen. he places his glass and the bottle of whiskey on the coffee table, before going to his music to see what they could put on in the background while they just chilled.

“if it’s not your place someone is paying your bills and they have everything you own.” she mutters, shaking her head lightly and touching her fingertips to the bridge of her nose for just a split second. “it’s like this with my dad too, i’ve heard people talking. they’re waking up in houses with their things, in places that feel like theirs, but they know they’re not where they came from.” she was sure he had heard people talking too, and while it was weird and scary, unsettling, it was giving her a headache too and she was sure it was giving him one. realizing they were likely standing in this new place meant to be his….made her not want to snoop around any more than she already had. that was better left up to him, since things here were his. allison wouldn’t want him snooping into her things if the tables were turned. “my dad woke up in a house he didn’t know, but all of our things that he had in storage were there and…” and it was a long story that was unfolding right in front them now, so it felt pointless getting into it.

she sighed and brought her eyes back to him from where she was leaning her back into the wall, but she felt some of the muscles in her body tense when his hands cupped her cheeks, subtle in a way she reminded herself that he wouldn’t even feel with just human senses he was working with now. touch made her skin crawl, not at all because it was him touching her, but because even though she knew it was a soft caring touch, it felt loud to her body, like sunburn it felt invasive even when she knew it definitely wasn’t at all. it was that ‘it’s okay’ that stayed in her eyes; she refused to let discomfort reach her hue because she knew she wasn’t really uncomfortable. “i’m fine. i just don’t want to go poking around in your things since this is all yours.” she answers him, gently and subtly slipping past his arms with a nod of her head to change the subject away from how weird this all was….to what his offer was. “right, because i should be able to drink like i’m guessing my friends can, legally, and here i am.” she managed a weak smile, despite the fact that it hurt her feeling so far behind. allison argent had a stubborn and rebellious streak that seemed to have not died when she had, however, and she walked ahead to find her way towards the kitchen to see if derek hale’s house did have something strong they could break into. “where would you keep it?”

“wouldn’t be identity theft, that would be weird. think you’re right. this is my place, with my things. but i never moved them here.” obviously he hadn’t, because if he had he would know what this place was, and he would of avoided it the moment he found out he wasn’t a wolf anymore. it was creepy that whoever made this place knew about him about his things, got them all here while he was possibly sleeping here, his body adjusting to whatever ride it was on. hearing allison’s words, just made it clear that it wasn’t just him and a deep breath left his lips. “feels violating somehow. someone just going through personal things of yours and taking the essential stuff with them, while your body is in whatever ride it is to get here.” he murmurs, shaking his head before hazel hue looked around the space they were standing in. “definitely my type of place i’d live.” he murmurs, still unsure of how he felt about this honestly. his hue landed back on her as she spoke once more, unable to fathom how hard it must be, to come to terms with the fact that you died, to know your father had been alone, to being in a strange place no one has ever heard of, to find that your belongings are here, just the way you left them at home. “must of been strange, for you both.” he says gently, his hue letting her know he wasn’t trying to understand how either of them felt about the situation the argent’s now found themselves in.

he was gentle with her, though he knew he was invading her personal space, but her hue let him know that it was okay, though he didn’t move more than what he needed to. just his hands stayed on her cheeks, no caressing them like some friend would, he wouldn’t go that far. he smiled at her words, actually warmed him that she didn’t want to go snooping through his things. probably wasn’t the only one, but he knew there were two out there that would love to snoop through his home. “i appreciate that.” he tells her, honestly in his hue, as he watches her walk out of his arms, which had him shoving them into his pockets as he moved with her, hearing her words, a gentle smile playing on his lips. “well i won’t be telling, so it’s even like a rebellious thing for you.” possibly not helping, but he could see the ways she felt stuck. everyone growing around her, older able to do things they couldn’t do when she was alive, but did when they wanted too. now they could do it whenever, while allison couldn’t. hearing the question about the alcohol, derek was moving toward the sink, opening the cupboard underneath it, sliding the cleaning products out of the way to pull out the tequila he had behind there, along with the other alcoholic beverages. “its weird.” he mutters, because obviously his alcohol stash was right where it had always been. no one looked under the sink, or moved cleaning products out of the way. he was moving toward the top cupboard now, to pull out two glasses, to place on the kitchen counter. “i won’t tell if you won’t.” he didn’t want anyone knowing what he was like drunk.

“i don’t know what’s more secure. the fact that the pin on their house is your bank number, or the fact that you thought to entire your bank number on the house code because that’s the code you would have used.” allison smiled lightly. “i’m going to need you to write your house code down for me.” she jests, obviously not actually wanting either, but she figured the point had been made and she was placing the sleeved netflix disk back to the table, double checking again that it was his name on the mail table-side to the front door. it was, and she thumbed through a few of them. “these are yours?” the bills she meant, asking if he recognized them because naturally….he’d recognize the companies they were from perhaps, the subscription to the average men’s health magazine. she left the pile alone so she wasn’t going through everything and instead her arms folded across her stomach as she moved a few steps more through the entry-way, glancing up where the railing was to the floor above and then slowly peering around a corner into a room, living room, just off the entry. allison was trained to listening, but she was still only human. still, there was no change there for her, so she felt she’d hear better than him if someone was moving around inside the house, since she didn’t have to adjust to the lack of wolf sensory that he had to adjust to. she didn’t think anyone was here, but since no vehicle was in the drive-way, allison thought to pull open a door that looked to be for the garage and she reached in to flip the light on the wall, which brought a shine down on the black camaro she recognized instantly. “what the hell.” her hand shoved the door open further for him. this was unsettling and confusing, so many things stacked up just making her feel overwhelmed but really….she was alive when she wasn’t supposed to be, so what could really surprise her more than that?

allison moved to lean her back into a wall, a partial refusal in her to move much more before he did because she was already having a hard time processing all of this. it was making her feel dizzy and that just made her not want to think about it. “some town where the dead come back to life and your car shows up in a house that you’ve never seen before, and your netflix.” she answers, jest while her voice didn’t convey that it was a joke at all, but rather straight up crazy. allison didn’t move, instead watching derek to see what he wanted to do about all of this.

“lets just hope it is actually my place.” though it was becoming very eery with how his bills were here, the door opened when he put in his four digit number how it even had his scent lingering around. he was smiling hearing her next words, a pen found as he jotted down the four digit number and handed it to her. “in case you need that escape, you can always use this place  for that.” he wouldn’t mind it, even if he wasn’t here but out doing other things, allison could always just come out here. he knew what it was like, wanting to get away from everything, and he didn’t lame her for wanting the same thing. it was why he was looking for a house out here, and he seemed to have stumbled upon it with the help of allison. he moved over toward her hearing her words looking at the power company, rent and internet bills nodding his head his hazel hue looking to allison confusion because he had no idea what to make of it. “i didn’t bring this stuff here.” why would he bring his own bills? he would of been happy leaving them back in beacon hills where he didn’t have to pay for them. he was standing quiet though as allison moved, watching her hearing out for anything. he was thankful for that, knowing he himself had to get used to this lack of hearing so to speak, but he also knew her hearing was just the same as his. hearing her words as she opened a door and flicked on the light, derek moved, before she was pushing the door open more, and there sat his camaro as though it had been here all the time. “this is not normal.” he says, not liking that someone had decided to take him out of his home, his comfort to bring him into this place, and along with personal belongings. 

his eyes went to allison seeing her leaning up against the wall, and hearing her words. she was right, none of this made sense, none of this would ever make sense. he took a few steps toward her, gentle hands cupping her cheeks, his hue looking into hers. “we’ll figure this out.’ he whispers, before a deep breath left his lips. “you okay?” he couldn’t fathom how hard this was for her, to find out your’re no longer dead, to now finding out people’s things just arrived here when they did? or were they here longer than they were? “i’m not going to check anywhere else tonight, how about we just open up a bottle of alcohol and soak that up for the rest of the night?” he didn’t want to know what else of his was here, he would rather not know, for tonight anyway, and he didn’t want to overwhelm allison. she deserved to at least sit down and process the fact that she was alive.

allison had seen the size of the hole in the wall that he’d smashed through, enough to know the jest was happening again and nod. at the end of the night they all managed, all of them there and involved anyways. in the end all of the things that they were involved with were a lot like barely scraping by actually but, it was what it was, and for allison…a lot of it was like a blurry window pane that didn’t let her fully see the finer details. perhaps that was her mind affected by how much time had actually passed, and still….she was years behind them all. “nice.” she nodded agreeing. yes it was nice making calls for her family, for the hunters, for herself, and feeling confident in those calls, but her eyes conceded looking at derek too because…well she’d died regardless. it was hard to think scott wasn’t right sometimes, in others it made her more only need to be on her own more, only need to live an entire life without being with someone who held her back again. she needed her dad, he needed her; those thoughts hurt, but aside from that it was one step at a time finding the feeling in her again. it came in small ways, the breaths of night air, the feeling of the wooden railing against her palms as she leaned against it. little things that mattered a lot. 

she was focusing on those little feelings while she listened to him, different scents of the woods in her lungs with each breath she took and the curling of her fingernails against the rough wood just to feel it, the buzzing that came from the door when he pressed buttons that made her mind recoil because as quiet as she knew the sound actually was, it was uncomfortable on her ears. “it doesn’t feel like it’s mine anymore. is there a hole in my stomach or no? was my spine severed and was that really why i didn’t feel any pain? do i apologize for bleeding on scott if i see him.” they weren’t really questions, they were rhetorical. “is my dad better off being alone or having me back and living in fear that i’ll go again.” she didn’t want answers from derek or look for them. she was just speaking on where she felt torn. the same way derek spoke on feeling empty, feeling like part of him was missing. she never thought she’d relate to him based on these things; it took her dying and him becoming human to give them something in common, aside from the fact they shared the obvious truth….lies scott had told or things he led her to believe, led other people to believe so that derek would be seen as the treat. scott had been scared, but even back then, she hadn’t want to be any fraction of the reason for it, or for the choices he made. subtracting herself from being a reason for the choices he made was the best thing allison could have done. the feeling she had when he hurt someone or lied and his reason was because of her; she had hated it and she wanted no part of it. it didn’t mean she didn’t love scott and hope he was safe; she always would, and she did, but all of that was lost from her and over. “fresh start, right.” she says, to him saying it must be hard for her; it was, but drowning in it wasn’t an option and it didn’t seem to be any easier on derek to be without all that he knew either. she wasn’t even paying attention to his hand toying with the buttons on the panel, her eyes up on the sky until she heard a buzzing. 

“nevermind that we might have just broken into someone’s house.” allison mutters, leaning to the side from where she was leaning against the railing on the porch, just to see into the now open doorway and into the dark of the home. amber eyes flickered to him and derek was looking expectantly and just as nervously at her. “you think i’m going to go first? this is the first front door you managed to open. celebrate that fact.” she did push her back up off the railing to straighten up and move closer again to the door way, just to lean in and listen for any sound of anyone inside. the small table inside the door held a few papers, and a little red netflix envelope that she checked over for a name. “funny.” only her voice held less amusement now than it had before, because before with the mailbox it had been funny to see derek’s initials. now it was odd seeing his full name on the paper envelope around the disk she handed over to him. “you get the disks, you don’t stream?” what the hell was going on in this place. she was a little braver now about flipping the light switch on in the entryway, the air even carrying the scent he always wore, leather and a spice she remembered from the hale house in beacon hills.

derek was listening to allison while he played around with the keypad. he wandered if it had like a silent trip alarm or something, that only called the police when someone tried the pin wrong too many times. he even wondered if there were cops around here. he was shaking his head at his own thoughts, before hearing her questions, a deep breath leaving his lips. he didn’t have the answers for her, and he wasn’t about to pretend he did. and derek wasn’t the type to offer up words where they were not needed either. he could feel that these questions were something that only allison could really answer herself, no one could give her the answers, except maybe chris. but the worst thing about their situations was that it had them finding something common with each other, and he wished that they found out they liked the same taste in music than having something like this in common. though he wasn’t going to bring that up, because allison had died, which meant even the music might have changed, even just slightly, it still would have. new bands would be introduced that she probably wouldn’t have heard of, but her friends would consider them their favorites. clothes probably out dated. all those things were not going to help her.  he heard her words on starting fresh, knowing it was going to take time for her, for the both of them, to get their bearings once more.

“if we did just break into someone else’s house, they shouldn’t have a pin that i use for my bank card every day.” he mutters to her, before hazel hue was looking into amber when he heard her words. “not used to not being able to hear more than what i can now. i’ll admit, it’s scary.’ he tells her, though he was leaning in a little to see if he could see anything, before allison spoke again, and then he followed her in as she flicked on a light switch his hue looking around the place. it kind of looked like a place he would of stayed in back home if he had actually been bothered with fixing up a place instead of going to the warehouse but still, wasn’t so bad. there were bills on the table and he could see his name on them, before he was looking up to see allison, hearing her question he shrugged his shoulders lightly. “makes me move from the couch.” he jokes with her, a soft frown appearing on his face. “i don’t understand. how all of my stuff like bills is here, when this isn’t even my home.” he says, before hazel hue was looking back to amber. “where are we?”

“just a lock and chain.” on the door of the bank, she meant. “you didn’t go off more than i deserved. it might have panned out okay but i could have done better. it was a risk letting boyd and cora out like that.” he had every right to snap and yes she had every right to snap back, because she was angry, because he was the one who turned boyd and erica, the one who turned isaac. he formed his pack and she had hers, but she didn’t need it to draw her own lines or obliterate ones drawn by others and let her arrows fly right over them. as from what she heard of the rest of that night, derek was the one who was hurting by the end of it and no one else had been hurt. allison had learned truth from derek that scott had been keeping from her, lying to her about, because he couldn’t just stop trying to protect her. in the end, it was why she broke up with scott, it was why she couldn’t do it anymore, why she couldn’t hear him when he said he’d wait and that they would be together, because allison hadn’t wanted that. she grew past him and she needed to grow on her own. allison didn’t need a power to hold her own ground, or to be a different species, she didn’t need to be the girlfriend to exist, and she wanted to exist on her own. funny now, the irony of how she had stopped growing all at once the moment she died and everyone she loved and cared about continued to grow on in her absence. her fingers moved between her brows and she rubbed there lightly with a small smile seeing him check out the mailbox before that hand ran into her hair to push soft curls back as he moved, following the gesture of his head to step into the gravel driveway of the house that was over here somewhere. it was too dark to see for a moment but she walked it with him until the black mass of the house’s silhouette could be seen against the trees that surrounded it.

“not myself at all clearly, and since you’re not yourself that’s probably why we’re here.” not snapping at each other’s throats yet at the very least, but rather….talking. maybe through the experience of the loss of her world she’d managed to find growth through despite, or maybe she was the same and just around something back then that held her down and held her back; boyish things that allison didn’t want any part of. certainly she didn’t back then and she didn’t want it now. the house was dark and nearing the wood decking of it…it was silent too, until a motion sensor light came on close to the door and lit it up enough. no one appeared to be home, but nothing in the driveway and nothing on the porch at all…it was almost deserted. she nodded because derek was right, new place, new people, maybe a blessing amidst the confusion she felt knowing she shouldn’t even be here but….it was something. “mostly i just want to hide from everything.” she moved a few steps to cup her hands on the window and peer inside, or try to, while the shapes of furniture caught her eyes, she couldn’t see much more than that. “it’s just getting over the fact that i feel like i don’t belong in my own skin anymore. feels like i was ripped out of it and then shoved back into it and now it doesn’t fit the same.” she mutters, pulling back from the glass to look over at him before she reached to press a few buttons on a panel by the door. it did nothing. sadly. it was like she hoped it would trip an alarm and give her a reason to run and feel it. “feels weird yeah, but then everything feels weird.” she looked to meet his eyes. “and you….i mean you’ve always been a wolf…” and that was gone. “does it feel weird, like senses and stuff?” allison and scott never really talked much about all of that; allison mostly knew because she was always to know what she was hunting, but it was different talking to someone about it and derek was the only person she knew who was born and not turned, aside from cora. allison hadn’t been around her much at all before she left. she turned to lean her back into the railing of the porch, slightly sitting back on the ledge of it and using her hands against the rough wood to keep balanced there, and to feel the surface scratching at her. “it’s nice out here. i get why you’d be looking.” she let her head fall back a little to look up and see the night sky, and a little of her breath against the black. 

“seems a lot easier than the way i went through.” he says chuckling softly, before her next words had him shrugging his shoulders lightly, the place around them getting darker, but that was only because they walked off the dirt road they were on. “we did a lot of things that i wish we didn’t. but i suppose that’s what learning is about.” he says, knowing they couldn’t regret what they’ve done, that would be dwelling. “must be nice.” he murmurs softly, looking at her with a gentle look. “to speak up for yourself, fight how you want to fight. the way you were always suppose to.” he tried telling scott that, that allison would learn to hunt their kind, to not let his feelings get in the way of that, but he didn’t listen. yes, she never actually killed them, or even tried to, but derek never underestimated her. she took him down with two arrows easily, blinded scott easily enough, and took down the alpha. she even helped lure boyd and cora into the school, helped with the alpha pack, found a way to kill the oni. “we all could have done better. scott and i rushed in there without knowing fully why boyd, erica and cora were there in the first place. we walked right into the trap. but you’re right. we all made it out okay.” he tells her, nodding his head gently once more.

“funny how that works, huh?” he asks, a light jest in his tone, before eyes were looking at the house now in front of them. he had to remind himself that he couldn’t hear anyone’s heartbeats because he didn’t have that gift anymore, and that anyone could be home here, probably armed and that he should be careful, he didn’t have fast healing anymore. the security light came on, causing derek to take a step back, his eyes scanning around, before he was looking at the house. no lights seemed to come on, and he lets out a soft breath before taking another step toward the wooden patio. his hue went to allison’s hearing her words, watching her peering through the window to see if she could see anything. “guess we have that in common.” he murmurs, trying the door, but it wouldn’t open. “i understand wanting to hide from everything. so much has happened, you don’t even know where to start processing things.” he says, peering around the side of the house to see if he could see anything, which he couldn’t. his eyes landing back on allison when he heard her words. “like your body is foreign on it’s own. your in a town you don’t know, surrounded by people that you feel like you don’t even know anymore, in a body you...yeah, i can see why it’s overwhelming for you. i’m sorry its happening to you.” he whispers to her, watching her trying the little keypad but with no such luck. he wasn’t trying to understand how she felt, because he could never understand that, no one could, unless you ended up in her shoes. derek tried peering through the window, but he couldn’t see much, and a deep breath left his lips, hazel hue turning to look at her hearing her words. “different. its a lot more quiet, less smells. harder. considering i had all of those since i could remember, now its like i’m deaf, blind, and just losing my senses really. feel weaker.” he shakes his head, looking at the keypad, before looking back at allison. “feel like i’m a thousand miles away from my family, and it’s nothing to do with this place. feels off. like someone cut me in half, and sowed me up but left the other half on the bench. senses telling me to sniff around, to stop and listen, then i have to remember...all of it is gone.” he murmurs, before he was watching her move to sit, his eyes looking up at the sky a light smile playing on his face. “town lights and city lights really do dull the lights up there.” he says, before turning around to try the keypad himself. putting in numbers that popped into his head, before he heard a light buzzing sound, making him take a step back, eyes looking around to see what happened, before looking to allison and then back to the door. god he was jumpy.

the moment he released her she felt her skin numb right back over. it was like the touch of him was too loud, too much, too close, and not because the hug was unwanted. it wasn’t that, it was just like she felt it too much, felt it too closely to her, like static that was borderline a painful electric shock. it scared her mind because some part of her knew….that being dead she felt nothing, she felt literally nothing, the absence of everything. now everything was too much in the smallest and most nagging of ways, from the buzzing in the street lamps to him simply hugging her, to the feeling of the loose gravel rolling underneath the sole of her boot. the world was abrasive against her skin, her ears, her eyes, and it wasn’t in obvious ways, it was an annoyance that created an itch under her skin, easy enough to shake with the distraction of her thoughts on derek’s words, but there nonetheless. “you all chose to ignore the front door on a building. it’s like one of you was running on an overactive imagination that had seen too many movies and decided something couldn’t really be that easy.” she glanced up to his eyes as they walked a little further down the dirt road outside of town, though she couldn’t really call it ‘outside’ of anything. turning to look back over her shoulder the lights were still clear and close and they were only maybe a half mile, but that was pushing it even. she could still read the sign of the gas station and what the special was for lunch. looking ahead to watch her steps again she wrapped her arms around her stomach and relaxed more with the walking. a small smile pulled at the corner of her lips when he pointed off to where his house should have been. “i can see that, it would have changed everything and made my running route less crowded.” she knew his house had never been here, and she didn’t know if there was a chance of finding him a house out here, but it was clear that if he was out here in the middle of the night looking, that he was struggling with wherever he had been staying and was now looking for something that felt right. 

allison knew the feeling, as much as she hated having anything in common with him even in that sense, she knew the motel down the street didn’t have her name on it. her boots scuffed to a quiet stop for a moment when a mailbox on the side of the road came into few, entirely because she didn’t want to crowd someone’s home and have their talking in the middle of the road disturb their otherwise quiet night. she was listening to derek anyways, watching her boot roll around a slightly bigger rock in the road and then toe at it lightly, between her eyes finding his. “can’t imagine. or…well i can, can’t relate but i can imagine. you weren’t turned.” she points out the obvious, but she knew he knew already, she was just letting him know she understood what he was trying to describe. “i bet scott and isaac will be relieved.” she wasn’t sure about lydia, she wondered about her, but she pushed the wondering out of her head too. “i guess as a perk i can’t shoot you so there’s that.” maybe too soon for the jest but it didn’t touch her anyways. amber eyes shot right back to his and her head shook just once. “i wouldn’t laugh. don’t think that.” allison moved restless for the motion and started to walk again slowly. “i can’t actually stand you but i wouldn’t laugh.” it was an exaggeration obviously or she wouldn’t have been walking with him like she was now. she figured that was obviously a joke. “you feel empty….i get that.” and she did, ignoring that he thought he might be prying by turning the question on her. he wasn’t prying. “stuck.” she let the word out in a breath, her eyes finding his only for a quick glance before her steps meandered her over closer to try to see the name on the mailbox purely out of curiosity. there were only initials and her finger touched lightly to the D.H. “funny.” she mumbles, pointing it out lightly and then going right back to her thoughts in the exact same breath. “all of my friends are older than me, my dad is older than he was, you. they grew up and i’m still right where i was when i died.” it probably went without saying, but it was a hard thing to grasp. “lydia is older, isaac; they knew graduation and possibly college, going after careers they wanted.” allison could barely feel her own skin, let alone the desire to figure out how to move forward.

he didn’t mind the walk with allison, it was a lot more comfortable than being around any one else. sure he helped save them from time to time, was there when they needed him, right now he just didn’t want to be around many people in a place he didn’t know, and feeling like he didn’t know himself, he wanted a place where he wasn’t running into people so much, not like the apartment back there where he might of been down the hall from isaac or stiles. still his hands stay in his pockets as they continued to walk, a light chuckle leaving his lips. “we thought it might of been heavily guarded, or an alarm going off.” he admits with a shrug of his shoulders, before he looked over at allison. “we’re lucky that you were there, you know. even though i went off on you. but we were lucky.” he tells her, honesty in his hue, before he was looking back in front of them, noting the way she looked behind her, and derek did the same, so used to being able to hear better and see better, he didn’t like that he couldn’t. “no doubt if i do find a house out here, will most likely be in the way of your running.” he teases lightly, watching his shoes hitting the gravel, it sounded different than what he was used to, the night sky looking different than what he was used to also.

he heard her stopping, and derek’s hue looked to a mailbox that she was looking at. he didn’t think for a second that there would actually be anything out here, considering he was looking for a place like he had back in beacon hills, but still here it was. his eyes turned to allison hearing her words, a faint smile playing on his lips. “right. i was born.” he whispers, looking back to the mailbox once more. “some of my family.” there were members who didn’t get the gene but still. a soft breath passed his lips, before his hue was looking back at her, the smile appearing more on his face. “you can. i’ve been told i can get on people’s nerves.” he says, his eyes scanning the area to see if he could see the house, before he was nodding  his head when she told him she wouldn’t laugh at him and it was refreshing to hear, because derek figured people would laugh at how the big bad wolf wasn’t so big and bad, wasn’t so tough, but rather lost and not himself. “must be feeling not like yourself then.” he jests lightly, knowing that she was out here with him. even though he knew she was joking a part of him wouldn’t blame her for not tolerating him, even though her mother tried to kill scott, it still was her mother that derek had killed.  he nodded his head when she mentioned him feeling empty, and knowing why she got that. wasn’t hard to see that she was struggling and she had every right to. she had every right to ask for space, for everything that she needed to. and people needed to accept it, respect it. hearing the word stuck derek once flexing his hands in his pockets, doing his best to not say something that would sound rude or inconsiderate,because at times he could without meaning too. “i get that.” he whispers, before he was frowning and taking a step closer to the mailbox, seeing what was funny about it. he saw the funny, it seemed that his initials were on it. he stood up more now, listening to her words, and slightly gesturing with his head to go down the driveway to take a peak at the house, not wanting to say ‘lets go this way’ and interrupt her words, so he used his head and began to slowly walk, while listening to her. “must be hard. seeing them, the differences in them, knowing all of that.” he whispers, his eyes glancing to hers before looking straight ahead once more. “probably a good thing we’re in a new place. won’t walk past the school and get flooded with the memories of them with you, or even just street signs.”  he says, cursing himself before looking back at her. “that can be rough.” he decides to try again, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “feels weird being around them? or just....stuck?”

she had taken a few steps, breathing in night air, how everything had a different smell at night, more fragrant. allison remembered a test she’d had in earth science not long before some of the last things she remembered, odd how it flashed back to her now that the cooler temperatures reduce the concentration of volatile compounds and make the smell more pure at night. she shook her thoughts away from ‘before’ and glanced up to a street lamp that she could hear buzzing at a frequency that she found uncomfortable enough to make her eyes wince right away from it, making her turn her back on it and bring her eyes back to derek because she heard his steps. he stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her and for the first moment of the touch her body stilled and tensed slightly, before ultimately her mind worked faster and she brought her hands up to his back in acceptance of the touch from him. it was the sensitivity that she felt that startled her thoughts, the goosebumps that rose across her skin, the way her skin under her clothing where he touched her almost hurt, while at the same time the warmth of him made her feel, made her pull in a silent breath of something. her eyes found his the second he pulled back and she recovered to give him back a small smile and a nod of her head, hands finding the homes she’d made for them in the pocket of her jacket. “the bank was easy.” she jests. “break into them all the time.” clearly she didn’t, clearly the jest hung there just fine even without her needing to smile. the mention of the path she ran actually made the smile touch the corner of her lips again. “maybe. but your house was in the way and going around was aggravating.” allison quips back to him, her hand wiping back over her face and into her hair before she tugged her sleeves down over her palms and picked at threading. “but you never know, maybe this place moved your house.” she agreed with a nod to looking around more, and started walking. allison knew she was making small jests to steer herself away from what she was really thinking about, worrying about, tormenting herself with; too prideful to talk to derek about those things directly. indirectly….she couldn’t help it. “what does it feel like? not being a wolf or whatever anymore?” she knew what she felt like….being the same age she’d been when she died and knowing everyone she loved and cared about had shot out ahead of her. 

he had taken steps toward her, and watched as she turned away from the street lamp, though that wasn’t one thing he really took notice of. the one thing he did was how she stiffened at his touch, and derek wondered if he’d come to close to her, but then she wrapped her arms around him, and derek stood there like that with her for a moment, before he was taking a step back, hearing her jests he couldn’t help the soft chuckle that left his lips. “you definitely seem like you know what you’re doing. your way was definitely easier than mine. “he mutters to her, before he was turning his head to look at her as they walked, a soft smile playing on his lips once more. it was hard to know exactly what he was suppose to do now that he was human. ever since he was born the wolf had been apart of him, he accepted that, learned to control it, even found out he enjoyed being it, able to help those that needed helped, understood that it was his right of passage. without it, well derek wasn’t sure who he was. he wasn’t like scott, he wasn’t bitten, he even became one with his wolf, which now meant that one side of him wasn’t there and it was like,his whole identity was lost, he was trapped in something he couldn’t get out of.  “i did tell mom not to build there, in case a young girl, like yourself wanted to run through the woods near it and it getting in the way of her. my mom told me i was being ridiculous.” he says, a jesting tone in his voice obviously. it was nice, being out here, in the woods, it felt like home in a sense he felt like he could find that missing piece out here somewhere, but he knew he wouldn’t.  “it definitely moved my house. it should of been over there.” he points in the direction he was talking about, through some trees a small dip in the woods, obviously his house was never here. “i’ll make sure it’s never in your way.” he tells her, before hearing her question, the smile fading from his face, green hue looking straight ahead as he continued to walk by her side, a thoughtful look coming onto his features. “empty. like a big chunk of myself has been ripped out of me, and its confusing, frustrating, because i know it’s been there all this time. but....i can’t reach it.” he tells her, shaking his head as he lets out a defeated sigh. “might sound stupid, and i hope you won’t laugh but.....i feel lost. feel like i don’t even know who i am.” he whispers, his hue looking to her, before shaking his head once more. “i know. i’m being too broody, even for me.”