Inside The Brackets

I’m just here existing

Space is for me to grow as a person and out of my role as nothing more than a girlfriend. I have been using space to wait around for the next time I see you. You want to see if things work out and think space and time is what’s needed because you need time to build yourself, then come together because we are better together, I need to be doing the same, during time away I should be worried about myself. Friday is for me to go and record new music, I hope I see you cause I miss you but the day is for me. I want to tell you I wanna hang out again. I wanna see you once a week. I love you, I wanna be with you, all those anxieties really were about me. I shouldn’t have told you everything that was going on in my head. I don’t wanna end anything, I’m worried they will Friday but now I’m more so worried that you’ll just not show up or say you need more space and that you don’t miss me and don’t wanna see me even once a week. Ideally I’d love to see you Friday night and fall asleep in your arms and talk about how much we missed each other

We are taking space because we had no boundaries in our relationship , I didn’t ask for things I just took. You didn’t communicate your internalized feelings of feeling trapped, and it pushed you to point of debating on wether you should stay in our relationship. We have both been in private mental cells for a while. I know I want to be with you, space is the only thing that will allow us to clear our minds and shift the focus from us to ourselves. A relationship should be two individuals coming together. We became one. I did not show you respect for your boundaries. I personally love being around you, but that doesn’t mean that in doing what makes me happy (seeing you ) , I get to trespass all over your personal space. We’re going one week without speaking and I self reflect more and more each day. I learned that I want to be with you , and sometimes I get anxious and life gets hard and the want to see you becomes a need to see you because you’ve always been my saftey and security. That part of me is toxic. I need to be my own saftey and security. In the moments I am not anxious and I’m stable I want to be with you. I love you. My mind is still doubtful as to wether I should be in a relationship because it is hard for me to separate want and need. But I know I want you, and I want to need myself. I hope that we can talk this Friday when I see you, I hope you still wanna be with me, I hope you wanna start seeing me once a week, even if we don’t talk much in the week. I want my baby on the weekends, I miss you , space is good for us but I can’t help but think worst case scenario while trying to hope for the best