Xela (zee-la). Closer to 30 than 18. Writing to exorcise her demons.
FANDOMS: Love and Deepspace, Mystic Messenger, Tears of Themis, The Ssum.
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Time Undone (Caleb x MC) ONGOING
Caleb is dead for the second time. The Evol extraction project on corpses is underway, and his body is Ever’s prime subject.
MC, who returns to Skyhaven after four years to help Welkin Funeral Home, has to get him back—while her life is at stake. Then an anomaly throws her back in time, to the post-graduation summer when Caleb is still alive.
She will save him this time, whatever it takes.
Friends You Make in the Dark (Sylus x Reader)
You try to keep the urge to self-harm to yourself after your situationship ended things with you, but it’s not easy when you’re breaking down at Sylus’s spare apartment.
Endless Nightmare (Caleb x MC)
Complications arise when Caleb conducts the Toring Chip dissolution on MC. She gets trapped in her worst nightmare and loses her memory every time he attempts the procedure, so he keeps her in his house while he finds the solution.
But time is running out. Every wasted minute damages her health. And she’s struggling to hold on.
Thank You for the Food (Jumin x Reader)
Living alone is fun and liberating until you fall sick and there’s no one to ask for help when you’re too tired to cook or fetch your own food. This is a lighthearted story for anyone who needs a pick-me-up.
CUSTOM AO3 SKIN:
Sylus - Archfiend Sovereign
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WARNING: This blog contains mature themes, dark content, and mental health issues. Don't interact if you're uncomfortable, a minor, or against LGBT. Don't be rude or start a discourse on my blog. I will block accounts and delete comments and asks that violate these rules.
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Caleb is dead for the second time. The Evol extraction project on corpses is underway, and his body is EVER’s prime subject.
MC, who returns to Skyhaven after four years to help Welkin Funeral Home, has to get him back—while her life is at stake. Then an anomaly throws her back in time, to the post-graduation summer when Caleb is still alive.
She will save him this time, whatever it takes.
*New chapter will be updated every Thursday/Friday depending on your time zone.*
Tags: time travel, human experimentation, forbidden love, pseudocest, BDSM, usage of gege as a kink but more importantly as a source of stress, boundaries what boundaries, codependency, anxiety, depression, suicide attempt, suicidal thoughts, self-harm, food as a love language, no beta we die like Josephine, except she's alive again here because we're back in the past, nonconsensual touching, not between Caleb and MC, gore, major character death, praise kink, grief
Total Words: TBA | Chapter Words: 5.6k
Masterlist | Read on AO3
Stepping into their home felt like leaving her true self behind. In hotel rooms with Caleb, she was free to express herself. Home had Grandma who wanted normal, filial grandchildren, not whatever she and Caleb were.
So this normal, filial granddaughter was stationing herself as Grandma’s personal nurse. The high fever had kept her in bed, and Caleb was out manning the tanghulu stall.
Grandma was an easy patient. She ate the congee Caleb made without complaint, watched the kids playing outside, and occasionally napped. The mild nuisance was when she kept peeling the cooling gel patch off her forehead in her sleep, but she was awake now, so she was an easy patient again.
Besides, she wanted to talk. She wasn’t so obsessed with Caleb to have forgotten about Grandma.
She replaced the patch while keeping a close eye on her expression. “Does this feel better?”
“Yes.” But her pained, apologetic smile betrayed her cover. “Sorry. Nainai always falls sick and needs you and Yizhou to help me.”
This wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. Too much baggage to unpack. “Do you really not want to see the doctor?”
“Just a bad day.” Grandma held her hand. It still amazed her how smooth her wrinkly skin felt, and she wasn’t the type to apply lotion. The air and food quality must have been better back then. “It’s going to rain soon. Remind your gege to bring an umbrella.”
“He left hours ago. I’ll pick him up later.”
“What time is it?”
“Around eight.”
“I wasted the whole day.” Grandma pursed her thin lips and pushed herself up with a shaky arm. “I need to work.”
She leaned her against the bed instead. “Gege is operating your stall, remember?”
Her mouth formed an oh before masking it with a sheepish smile. “He’s a good boy. He does everything without being asked.”
Someone had to pick things up when the sole adult in this house wasn’t capable of it. She wished she hadn’t enjoyed his help so much. Her contribution was nothing compared to his.
“Baobei sun,” said Grandma. My lovely granddaughter. “Can you bring out the box under my bed?”
She pulled out a plastic box with a bright blue lid, and inside it was a handmade satchel, bright flowers showing through the wrapping cloth.
Actually, that was an overestimation. The bag was pasted together with a glue gun and the flowers were cut from origami paper. She’d felt dejected when Grandma didn’t want to bring it to work, believing it to be ugly and embarrassing.
Functionality wasn’t at the forefront of her eight-year-old brain.
Grandma held it like she were handling an expensive antique. “My first gift from you. I thought you were up to no good when Caleb guarded your room day and night. It was the day you finally accepted me as your nainai.”
It was her turn to be confused. “No, I was happy to have a home. You’d provided that.”
“You were happy because I also adopted Yizhou,” she replied. “People told me you wouldn’t last in my home. I was old, unmarried, and had no experience with raising children.”
“Fifty isn’t old.”
“To the neighbours it was. My time was different from yours.”
In her eyes, Grandma had frozen in the age she took them in. The passage of time couldn’t be felt when she passed it with the same people every day. But she saw now, the balding eyebrows, the empty spots in her white hair. She didn’t seem as old as she would be in the future, but age was already catching up to her.
Grandma falling sick was the norm, so she’d assumed everything else was normal. She was glad to be back. Life was so fleeting. Every moment had to be captured and preserved.
“But now, nobody can make me believe I’m still young.” Grandma coughed out a gravelly laugh and folded her hands above the blanket. There was wind, but it was summer. It was summer, and she already needed a blanket. “I think I’ve missed the moment to get close to you.”
Her body seized up. That couldn’t be right. Grandma didn’t admit mistakes. She ploughed through them with innocent smiles while silently correcting her course behind her back.
“There’s still time,” she curtly said.
She wondered when ageing started to be bearable. Knowing Grandma had lived a long life hadn’t softened the blow. She’d seen so many deaths in both her jobs that it was another Tuesday for her, but she couldn’t stand the thought of Grandma and Caleb ageing a day closer to their deaths.
In her imagination she could voice all of this to her. She and Grandma were so distant.
“I thought it was better to leave you alone with Yizhou,” said Grandma. “He knew you more, and you liked him more. Next time, I said to myself, next time I’d plan a girls’ day out and do fun things just the two of us. Have we ever done that?”
“We went to the hairdresser’s together once. I cut my hair really short while you dyed your hair really red.”
Grandma laughed. “Oh, I did. You have to open yourself up to new experiences to know if you like them.”
“I think you were pretty with red hair.”
“That makes one of us.”
She couldn’t get rid of the twisting feeling inside. She’d have to watch Grandma’s memory deteriorate for the second time. There were always new things to grieve about. If it could just stop for a moment. She was wrung out dry.
But it wouldn’t get worse until next year. Grandma would be able to work for one more year. This was her fever and medication speaking.
“Nainai, after we move to Nowa, we can explore the island together. Girls’ day out, you and me.”
“Let’s do that.” Grandma gave her gummy smile.
She closed the window when a strong gust of wind blew in. “I saw our travel documents. Why aren’t we settling there with forged identities?”
Grandma winced. “I tried, but your ge is already enlisted in the DAA. He has to keep his name and his existing background details. Please understand him. He can’t start over without a job. We don’t have the money to send both of you to college at the same time while moving to a new place.”
Would the younger her throw a tantrum over this? She was sure she was understanding when money was involved. “I also want him to keep his job, but wouldn’t it compromise us?”
“Not if the people here believe we’ve disappeared without a trace. Yizhou said nobody would look into him unless he caused a stir, and a biodata mismatch would do that.”
It was a constant shock to hear Grandma speak about important things to her, like she’d passed some unspoken test to be included in important family matters.
“I’m sorry,” Grandma went on, “but you’ll have to cut off your contacts with your friends after we move.”
“Which friends?” she joked, but Grandma patted her back.
“Nowa will be different. You’ll make new friends.”
“Gege is my friend.”
Grandma looked at her critically. “Gege is gege. You have to have friends outside him.”
“But we’ll have to be careful.”
“It’s better to blend in than to isolate yourself. When you’re alone, you stand out.”
That hadn’t been her experience. “Or you become forgotten.”
In some ways, her colleagues giving up on inviting her for lunch felt worse than her high school drama. No matter where she went, she couldn’t shed that repulsive little girl behind. Now that she was back in that body, she couldn’t be a perfect replica of her either. A ghost of a ghost, she was.
Grandma squeezed her shoulder. “Just keep an open mind. Your life could be a lot different when you’re open to changes.”
It didn’t matter if she was open to it. Changes swept her off her feet before she could prepare herself, and they were always horrible.
Friends were good. Caleb was better. It’d been different because she wasn’t with him yet. She didn’t need more friends when he’d fulfilled every aspect of her life. She didn’t need anyone to invite her out because someone was always coming home to her.
As though the sky had been walling off a huge portion of rain, it burst down hard without warning. The kids screamed, some for cover and some in delight. She could hear the splashes of their footsteps as they ran.
Caleb should be back soon. She needed to prepare a towel for him.
For the umpteenth time, she thumbed her clay apple ring. It was more valuable than all diamonds and golds combined. It didn’t have to shine to be noticeable from afar. She could hold up her hand in a group shot, and everyone could see the red and green on her finger.
Since they couldn’t adopt new identities and be public lovers in Nowa, this ring could serve as their subtle, undeniable tie. It wasn’t a big deal; she’d stop feeling sorry for herself after a bit. The daydreams could stay as daydreams. It was more vital that they survived.
“Is that a new ring?” Grandma asked. “I’ve never seen it on you.”
“You noticed?”
“You don’t shop much.”
Her enthusiasm plummeted as fast as it had ascended. Some things weren’t so easy to accept. She’d itched for Grandma’s attention for too long that it was uncomfortable to finally receive it. “Gege got it for me. He has a bigger one, a bigger apple.”
“You two have always liked apples since young. I used to be relieved for not having to force you to eat fruits.”
“Because he did it until they grew on me. Those long-winded lectures about having to stay healthy.” She rolled her eyes.
“I didn’t know that.”
“He was the easy child, not me.”
“You were still lovely to me,” said Grandma.
She smiled and turned away. A little girl who realised she should behave lest she got kicked out. So lovely.
Grandma never threatened her, but she never quite reassured her either. Caleb didn’t share this fear. Unsurprising, since he’d naturally earned his keep by being the most reliable person at home. She was replaceable, but the household would fall without him.
She banished the thought of another child being taken in to be Caleb’s meimei. That spot was hers.
Grandma shook her when there was a clamour at the front door. “Yizhou must be back. Go open the door for him. Don’t let him stay in the rain for too long.”
She spared a second to survey Grandma’s condition before rushing there. But when she opened the door, something in Caleb’s face made her pause. “What’s wrong?”
“Have you seen the news?”
“No.” He was dripping rainwater onto the porch. “Why didn’t you call me? I could’ve picked you up. You’re drenched.”
“And leave Gran?”
Right.
“I’ll be dry again. Look at this.” Caleb grabbed her hand en route to the living room and turned on the television. From this angle, Grandma couldn’t see a thing. She would’ve closed the bedroom door if Grandma hadn’t required supervision.
She used her T-shirt to towel Caleb’s hair and hands. “You should change if you don’t want to be patient number two.”
He offered her a terse smile and nodded at the news broadcast. A masked man was in handcuffs, hounded by reporters and protesters. He met their questions and jeers with his chin up high as he strode to the police car. The block letters on the bottom read:
DOCTOR ARRESTED FOR CAUSING DELIBERATE STILLBIRTH IN NEWBORN EVOLVERS
A chill racked through her. She’d recognise the narrow, indifferent black eyes everywhere.
“But why?” Liu Ying wasn’t just digging up corpses, he was turning living humans into them. He fixed her arm and killed babies.
Why babies? They weren’t a part of his experiment subjects in the stasis chambers.
“Did this happen in your past?” asked Caleb.
“I don’t know. I didn’t pay much attention to the news in high school.” She racked through her brain. “I don’t think so, no. It would’ve been everywhere.”
“So this time he’s caught before he could do anything else.”
She wasn’t feeling the relief she should feel. Caleb’s hand was tight around hers as well. There was no way to figure out if the infanticide had ever taken place in her past, if this was a repeated event or an inflection from the original timeline. Her world was too detached from Liu Ying’s. She wouldn’t even have known he was a doctor if he hadn’t treated her.
She pushed Caleb’s jacket off. It was staining the floor and him. He had to be cold. His skin was cold, but not a dead body cold.
He went on his phone and angled the screen at her. “People are calling him a bigot.”
“Because he only kills infants with Evols?”
“That’s what they conclude.”
“But he loves Evols. Went so far as to extract them from the corpses,” she said.
“He could hate them so much he wants to take the power from them.”
The interweb users were mostly voicing the same sentiment on his bigotry. There were a few who theorised that he was a sick psychopath who enjoyed killing people. None of these fit her impression of Liu Ying after experiencing his personality from up close. “I don’t think it’s that. He was proud to show me his research breakthrough. His interest felt more cerebral than emotional.”
It hit her the same time it hit Caleb. “They’re the early test subjects,” he said.
“But Evol extraction isn’t supposed to be successful for another eight years.” She typed it in the search bar to check. True enough, the result was all related to non-invasive Evol technology.
Devices powered by Evol were common in the Wanderer hunting industry, but they weren’t made by ripping the whole thing from the dead. She felt green from imagining newborns being pinned and sliced open the way Caleb had been.
They were so young. Their lives hadn’t even started.
“Maybe because he was interrupted,” Caleb said. “By an arrest, for example.”
She slumped into the sofa. Sometimes she wished he wasn’t always right. “You believe this happened in my time too.”
“It makes sense.”
“But we have nothing to prove it with,” she said. “I can’t fathom why he had to resort to murder instead of using legal cadavers. I thought he took your Evol because yours is rare, but what is this mass killing?”
Caleb knelt and placed a placating hand on her knee. “I guess we’ll find out more when he goes on trial.”
For greed maybe, or simply because newborns were easier to access. There were more babies born than those who died agreeing to donate their bodies for science.
She rotated her ring around her finger. Speculation was the most she could achieve here, but it didn’t ease the nagging guilt that her hindsight knowledge should have been more useful. “What if I could’ve prevented this?”
“How? They said he’s been practicing this for at least half a year. You came back not even a month ago.” Caleb bent down to plant a quick kiss on her thigh. “Don’t worry too much. You can’t stop this one, pip-squeak. Not every fault in the universe is on you.”
Her gaze darted to Grandma’s room. They could only see the foot of her bed from here. She shouldn’t be able to see them.
But still. She hadn’t checked the precise angle by imitating Grandma’s position. It was too risky.
She pulled him back up. “Nothing else happened in this period. EVER wasn’t onto us yet. Liu Ying being behind the bars will give us more time and safety to move, right?”
His face softened. “Yeah. Things are still going according to plan. We’re still leaving.”
“Yizhou, is that you?” Grandma called, knowing full well it was him.
She sighed, and he ruffled her hair. Be good, he mouthed, then dragged her behind him.
“Hey, Gran. How are you?” Caleb leaned against the door frame. “The market was so crowded that the tanghulu sold out quick.”
Due to her current position being obscured by the wall, she didn’t have to let go of his hand. His fingers were going through hers, one by one, until they found her ring. Then he relaxed.
She smiled. By their own definition, they were together. They could start a new life elsewhere. More freedom where nobody knew them since they were small. Easier to weave lies. This country was rife with danger, and she just wanted to tuck him away.
“Weekend nights are always crowded. Thank you for helping this old granny,” said Grandma. “What were you two doing? I heard the handsome news anchor’s voice.”
They shared a glance. It was better to leave her out of this, but she’d find out on her own. Not even the elders were detached from their phones.
After Caleb told her the gist, she said, “That’s a dangerous man.”
“I’m sure the babies would agree.”
She squeezed his hand in warning before jamming her face between Caleb’s arm and the doorframe. “Does your head still hurt?”
As if Caleb had just realised it, he snapped into action and placed his hand on Grandma’s forehead. “It’s gone up again.”
She looked at her hand, at the loss of his touch and having to go back to pretending, and curled it into a ball. “I’ll sleep here with you tonight.” She refilled the empty glass on the bedside table. “You might need help going to the bathroom.”
“I’ll be fine. This room is too hot for you. I can’t turn on the fan.”
“I’ll accompany Nainai,” Caleb said. “Don’t want you kicking around in your sleep because you can’t stand the heat.”
She hadn’t slept alone ever since they got together. He was wrong if he thought she’d willingly go back to that state.
Her lips formed a pout, needing to play it down. Even she knew how silly it would sound if she begged him not to send her to her room. “I want to sleep with Grandma. We’ll be fine with the windows open.”
“Are you sure you’ll be comfortable?” asked Grandma.
“Yes.”
“No,” said Caleb.
“You’re not the boss of me, Caleb!” She stomped her foot while reprising her old line. The whining should be just right to fool Grandma.
“Children…” Grandma said.
Caleb seemed taken aback before nodding with a knowing smile. “Okay, you can sleep here, but take the bed and I’ll sleep on the floor. That way, Gran can wake me up instead of you if she needs anything.”
“But I can help too.”
“I want you to sleep well.”
Her heart swelled with tenderness. Their eyes locked, and she knew, if they were alone, Caleb would bring her up, feet swinging in the air, and kiss her. She caught his flinch, his arm reaching forward before he shoved it into his pocket.
She’d taken one step too. Tomorrow, tomorrow. They didn’t have to do this today.
“The floor on my side is bigger. Sleep here.” She waved at the wide ground. “You won’t accidentally knock your head on the dressing table.”
“All right, all right.”
After a quick shower, he came back with a sleeping bag hoisted on one shoulder. She giggled and climbed into the bed with minimal movement so the bed wouldn’t squeak.
She thought Grandma had fallen asleep, but she said, “The house is lively again with you, Yizhou. Meimei is not so quiet anymore.”
Below the bed, she swished her hand to ask him to shift closer.
“Happy to play with me?” Caleb tugged her foot off the mattress by the ankle and didn’t let go.
“Depends on the kind of game you want to play.”
His thumb rubbed the tendon on the inside. He could crush her Achilles’ heel if he wanted to. He had the strength and her compliance. But he was gentle, as though he was content with her being able to walk away from him whenever she wished.
They both knew that would never happen.
“Anything.” She could hear Caleb’s smirk without having to look at him. “Anything you want to do, I’ll do it with you.”
Grandma chuckled. “Are you ready to move to a new place?” she asked in a sing-song tone.
She had a wistful feeling of still being talked to like a kid. Perhaps in Grandma’s eyes, they would always be kids. Nobody was their real selves when looked through a nostalgic lens. Everyone was frozen in different points of time.
“So ready!” she cheerfully declared.
Caleb snickered from below. “If Meimei is ready, then her gege also has to be.”
“EVER won’t get to us there. Yizhou has triple-checked,” said Grandma. “Yes, he is very careful. More careful than me.”
She patted the bed in the dark until she found Grandma’s hand. “Will you be okay there?”
“Nainai likes the sea. We can go to the beach during winter. Snow makes the beach beautiful.”
She wouldn’t know. She’d never seen it. Linkon was a concrete jungle surrounded by mountains and rivers.
“Have you been there before?” asked Caleb.
“Not Nowa. A beach my uncle brought me to. He was a dangerous man, so I left. But not as cruel as the doctor. Not as cruel as me too,” Grandma said. “I’m sorry.”
Caleb’s thumb halted its strokes. To whom was the apology for? There was guilt nobody could free you from. Caleb was her worst sin, and she was Grandma’s.
“I forgive you,” she said. “Is that what you want to hear? I forgive you.”
She peeked at Caleb and thought he seemed furious. But his eyes widened in the next second, cocking his head at Grandma.
She shrugged. Grandma had never divulged anything from her past, but there was a first time for everything. She wondered how high the dose of her medication was.
“Where’s the rest of your family?” she asked.
Grandma tapped her hand. “Right here. They’re all right here. Sleep, children. It’s late. Don’t start gossiping after I fall asleep.”
She sighed, trying not to be too disappointed. “We’ll be good. Wan an, Nainai.”
“Wan an,” Caleb parroted, and Grandma returned their good-night wishes.
With the crickets singing in the background, eventually her eyelids grew heavy. She let her foot dangle until Caleb laid it back on the bed and massaged her calf.
Before she drifted off, she heard Grandma murmuring, “Sometimes leaving is the bravest thing you can do.”
Her chest wouldn’t stop thumping.
Hundreds of babies floated in one big preservation chamber in her dream, and she was still seeing them in her periphery. She’d woken up before Caleb—the first sign that something was wrong—and she couldn’t put a damper on her palpitating heart.
Her wish was granted. She’d broken out of her cage of emotionless days, and now she was anxious all the time.
Liu Ying being arrested was good news. She had no sound reason to visit him. He wouldn’t give her the answers she’d demand. The whole point of her time travel was to avoid the same future. Meeting the very person who’d inspire her to commit suicide was frankly, suicidal.
Why the impulse hadn’t disappeared after she’d reunited with her family, she couldn’t understand. But she needed to know if there really was nothing she could do to ensure a safe future for them. She wasn’t looking forward to beating herself up over more failures.
The staircase creaked, and she pulled her gaze away from the whistling trees.
“Why are all your mirrors in the attic?” asked Gideon. It was a sunny day, so sunny that he’d dropped by to visit Grandma.
“Why were you in the attic?”
“Caleb told me to go to the attic if I want to look into a mirror.”
“We left one in the bathroom.”
Gideon glanced up. “He’s inside.”
“You can just barge in. I do that sometimes.”
“I’m not his meimei at all times.” He walked down the rest of the steps on his tiptoes. “Is Gran taking a nap?”
“Yep.” With all the excitement he never seemed to run out, he tossed himself down onto the sofa she was sitting in, and a predictable groan followed. She sniggered. “This sofa may be old, but the structure is real sturdy, isn’t it?”
He gave a pained laugh and she rubbed his back in sympathy. “I feel it down to my bones,” Gideon said. After it passed, his voice lowered, almost hushed. “Are you okay?”
There were so many areas that she couldn’t decide how she felt about, so he’d have to be more specific. “What do you mean?”
“Are you still fighting with Caleb?”
Guilt nipped at her. She’d left his place without warning, crazed and hysterical after picking a fight with Caleb. All the social etiquette Caleb taught her had flown out of the window. “We’ve made up. I’m sorry for acting like that. That was rude of me.”
“That’s good. Sibling fights are so strange. You guys can fight then make up within minutes,” said Gideon. “And you’re not sick anymore? Caleb said you were hallucinating from a medicine. You should’ve stayed at home if you weren’t feeling well.”
Not only did she seem crazed and hysterical, Caleb had also cemented it with a lie that wouldn’t leave Gideon’s head any time soon. “Your name came up the most whenever I asked him about his friends. I wanted to see how great this friend truly is.”
He adopted an exaggerated thinking pose. “And what’s your verdict?”
She shot a finger-gun at him. “A hundred marks. Not many people dare to stand up against him.”
Gideon closed his eyes and sighed, shaking his head. “Lost his favour over that. But guess it’s worth it if it won some from you.”
Interesting. “Did he tell you off?”
“Worse. He acted like I left him at our wedding altar. Didn’t want to reply to my messages until I sent a long apology for stepping over the line.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Have you ever thought of dating him?”
“Dating someone with a sister complex and always being the second priority? I think not.”
She choked on her own saliva. “He doesn’t have a sister complex.”
“‘Look at my meimei. She looks like a xiaolongbao in this hat. She’s so cute!’ ‘My meimei is the best student in her class. As expected, she’s the best in everything!’ I feel like I’ve known you without even meeting you,” he said. “That photo of you in the white bobble hat was tacked to his wall all year.”
He looked at her expectantly, but she kept her expression neutral. Caleb made no effort to hide his affection, and Gideon was blasé about it. Perhaps Caleb trusted him.
But Caleb didn’t trust anyone.
Was Gideon pretending so he could draw them out of their terrible secret? Although there was no reason to. And if he thought Caleb was a freak, he wouldn’t come here to check on his grandmother.
“So you’re not interested in Caleb,” she said. The safest option was not to engage. “In a world where I didn’t exist, you still wouldn’t be? Unbelievable. He’s everything you’d want in a person.”
Gideon propped his elbow over the headrest. “Show me a world where Caleb is still Caleb without you, and I’ll give you my answer.”
The world she was familiar with was the one where she existed but not Caleb. It wasn’t much of a world to live in.
Suddenly she wasn’t in the mood to lounge around with Gideon anymore. Talking about Caleb when she could be talking to Caleb was counter-productive.
“He’s taking too long in the shower. I’ll go check on him.” She got to her feet. “Call me if Grandma needs anything.”
Gideon chuckled and waved her off. “Peas in a pod. Go ahead. I’ll look after your gran. She likes me.”
“You’re sweet. Who wouldn’t like you?”
“The guy hogging the only available mirror in this house.”
“You just saw many more in the attic!”
“Yeah, that,” he said. “Why are they up there again?”
She’d made her way up and had to look through the balustrade to talk. “The house inhabitants are suffering from excessive vanity disease. We’re practising humility.”
Before Gideon could make sense of it, she fled to Caleb’s room. His clothes were folded into neat rectangles, aligned to the corner of his bed.
She ruined the precision by holding the navy blue T-shirt to her nose. It smelled like the floral softener she switched to after Caleb left for the Academy. She’d raved about it over their late-night call, how the scent was mild enough not to make her nauseous, and if he was curious about it he should come home and smell it on her.
It took him months to return, but he came back bearing a handful of the same softener. He also smelled like it.
When she heard the key on the bathroom door being turned, she threw the shirt over herself, the hem reaching her thigh, and stood in front of his bed. Her legs were crossed, one hand on her hip.
Caleb came in, squishing her face with an adorable laugh. “What are you doing?”
“It makes me feel more like you.”
“Why do you want to feel like me?”
She twirled with her arms extended. “Because I like you.”
“Since when are you this nice?” He kicked the door shut and caught her by her waist.
“I have a great example.”
“Indeed, Caleb is the best.”
She hopped to wrap her legs around him and whispered, “I meant Gideon.”
Tickle attacks rained down on her, and she couldn’t wriggle her way out of it. “If Gideon is the best, why are you in my room?” He laid her on the bed. “Hm, tell me.”
She gasped between laughter. “You think I should go to his room instead?”
His tickles got more aggressive. “You can try.”
“I won’t, I won’t. Mercy.”
Caleb stopped and chuckled. “You’re lucky you’re so cute.”
She pulled him down for a kiss, already regretting her sartorial decision. The better option clearly was to chuck all the clothes off.
Things were so different now. He was still wrapped in nothing but a towel, but he didn’t have to talk her down from crying anymore, and he smelled like her body wash and shampoo. She needn’t have bothered to stock up on his preferred brand if he’d go and finish hers.
“Did you know that just because you use my products, it doesn’t mean you’d smell like me? A lot of factors contribute to a person’s body odour, and genetics play a big role.”
Caleb kissed her neck. “Learned this at your work?”
She dawdled before admitting, “Independent research when I was trying to recreate your scent. What can I say, I missed you.”
He laughed against her skin. It would be a dream come true if it could be branded into her forever. “As I thought, you’re just like me.” Caleb’s hand crept beneath the shirts she had on and played with her breast. “You’re not wearing a bra?”
She smiled sweetly. “I didn’t know Gideon would come. You didn’t tell me.”
Caleb flicked her nipple. “He invited himself. I shouldn’t have given him the Gran excuse when he asked me to hang out. I want to hang out with you.”
“We’re hanging out now.” She pulled up her shirts, and he snickered before taking her into his mouth while her hand travelled to his length.
They always fell back to this. Always finding a way to crawl into each other, reassuring each other that this was real, that they could be greedy and still be rewarded. Caleb was the best reward she’d ever got in her lifetime. She’d go through those years of grief again if it could bring her to him.
His fingers snuck into her underwear too, the pumping light and shallow, as though this was only a teaser because they had a guest to tend to.
She hated being teased. In her humble opinion, anything Caleb brought to her should be served to completion. “Stop that if you won’t get me off. I’ll be too horny to focus for the rest of the day.”
“Best possible outcome for all of us.” Caleb crooked his fingers deeper once. “There. Is it enough?”
“You know it’s not!” She squeezed his cock a bit harder.
He laughed and kissed her all over her face, then she gave in, letting her limbs spread on the bed with a resigned laugh.
He could take. She’d let him have his win. She was a doll that satiated him. There was a personal satisfaction to it. No one had ever wanted her this much to be satisfied with her mere existence.
He was folding her leg around his waist when the door cracked open, and Grandma barged in. “Yizhou—”
Caleb’s head whipped towards the door. She scrambled to tug the blanket over their naked bodies.
But it was too late.
Grandma stumbled back into Gideon and started screaming.
Footnote:
After I finished this, I said out loud to myself, “This is so mean. Why can’t they be happy?!” then I laughed. I’m sorry. I get bored when things in my stories are too happy.
I really just think there's something romantic in helping someone towel dry their hair in the safety and warmth of your home after you've both been stuck in a freak thunderstorm. I like it when it's a sudden realization; like you getting a peek at them from beneath the towel and the way they look at you from under the damp bangs just...stirs something in you. Something you don't really have a name for. Something you're not quite sure you want to put a name to. But it's still there, hovering about you both, and doesn't care if you speak it into existence or not.
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Men who talk shit about gold diggers underestimate the grit it takes to put up with an insufferable man, even when money is involved. We should be thanking them for their service like they are veterans.
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guys this is a post about using storytelling to come to terms with the finality and irreversibility of death by creating fantastic worlds in which death is neither final nor irreversible and then affirming that it is anyway
Possibly my spiciest take is that it's actually good to have people you respect and like that have some dogshit takes.
I think part of what is making young people lonelier, in discussing why they're increasingly isolated, is that they're so afraid of meeting someone who doesn't hold their same beliefs, and instead of being just core beliefs it is kinda ancillary shit.
It's actually okay to disagree even on social topics! Even on some political ones! But I mean, online you can start with "i love this mutual but they have a really bad/uninformed opinion about x media"
I know this is IMMEDIATELY going to be taken in bad faith, and yes babygirl, you are so right, I DO want you to go make best friends with both the KKK grand wizard AND your nearest nazi leader.
But seriously, as someone who has spent two decades doing community organization: finding ways to connect with different people is so so so important. There are people i follow here who ate 80% smart and their brain falls out of their head 20% of the time and that is GOOD FOR MY MENTAL ECOSYSTEM AND GOOD FOR LEARNING HOW TO BE A PERSON
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