Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

maybe the strips were so effective that he inhaled his wife

honestly that could happen

me: wow the stars are beautiful tonight  gf: yeah they are me: you know who else is beautiful though?  gf: *blushes* who  me: luigi 

Actually, I can vouch for Texas, my brother lives there.

your brother

o

Everyone forgets about Atlantis and it makes me sad. That movie is a masterpiece!

dexter is one emotionally manipulative ass show

also dexter himself is a big fucking baby who uses the fact that he’s a serial killer to avoid confronting his own emotions. he just mopes and pouts about how he “doesn’t have any feelings”. cry me a river dude, i’m not buying it

yeah and his sister’s always annoying him. just let him do his experiments, it’s his laboratory after all.

me, nodding sagely: (thinking) he must be right. hes wearing two pairs of glasses.

A guy once told my lesbian friend that being a lesbian is a huge turn off for guys and that she’ll never find a boyfriend.

Putting soymilk into coffee is putting beanwater into a different kind of beanwater.

no emoji in the world can replace the depth of :/

max what th fuuuckk

Seconded.

Thirded

i walked two kilometers to hatch an egg and its a zubat this is why i cant be a parent i cant wait 9 months for a kid what if its a fucking zubat again

I keep my money in bofa

what’s bofa

bank of america

these are the Luck Dragonites, reblog and good fortune will come your way