everyone's favorite legal bastard

I ALSO adore Alisaie. She is full of love. She is full of incredible violence. She signs her name as a lowercase “a.” She hates pirates. Pirates love her. She decided that the proper use of her magical talents is to make a sword out of her own soul and hit people with it. She hates being mistaken for her brother. She still has the same hairstyle as him. She insulted Zenos so hard he had a mortifying brush with self-awareness. She is also still the size of a middle schooler. She can breathe underwater. She keeps jumping off high buildings. She reacts to being given a sword like she just got a birthday present. She was ready to straight-up kill Urianger when he pretended to betray the scions. She sculpted the worst porxie known to man. She used her rapier like a longsword until partway through Stormblood. She tries SO HARD to be cool. She would not shut up about us to Tesleen ever. She fistfought G’raha. She’s even gay.

I adore Alphinaud. He’s a child prodigy. He’s a fucking dunce. He makes spur of the moment plans that work. His actual plans often don’t. He can’t swim. He grew up on an island. He had a Gifted Kid Crash And Burn that caused one of the biggest political incidents in living memory. He sat in a chair like Shinji. He’s the world’s #1 infodumper. He once insulted a man so hard that he became an enemy of the state. He didn’t recognize Urianger when he put on a different outfit. He can draw people perfectly after not seeing them for days. He’s still the size of a middle schooler. He threw a carbuncle at Titan’s face. He fucking stinks. He’s scared of ghosts. He’s experienced The Horrors Of War. He forces every player of The Critically Acclaimed MMO Final Fantasy XIV that I’ve met through a character arc where they go from hating him to adoring him. He’s even transgender.

i drank a sippy of my drink and it tasted weird and i was like "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY WATER" and i looked down and it was in fact orange juice