█ ▌◆ Fuck 'em they're dead (Indefinite hiatus)

Not her, not her, not her.

He hardly remembered it himself — but the flames had by his will sprung forth form his hands, igniting the very air itself, and burning anything that was an enemy, or stood near one.  He had struggled to get her away from the inferno… and now here they sat in silence and pain.

“They weren’t children anymore,” said Godric cautiously, flicking his gaze up from his dirt-encrusted boots to see her face.  “they would’ve killed you, Karsi, and you’d be one of them right now; your children would have no mother, and these people no leader.  I can’t—I’m not—it was necessary.”  It was necessary, those were the words he used to convince himself, and he was convinced.  

He swallowed down.  “I wish I could have saved them too, Kars, but I wanted to save you more.  That’s… that’s it.  For your children, for our people,” because he was one of them now, both by borne-blood and by choice. “…for me.”

          A small part of her mind, tucked away, knew that Godric was speaking SENSE. The undead children would not have shown her any m e r c y, and had they succeeded in their RAVENOUS attack, she would have joined the army of the dead. She would be their enemy, someone that they would be forced to KILL. But she could not shake the e x c r u c i a t i  n g thought that they were c h i l d r e n. They used to run in the snow and laugh carelessly as flakes gathered in their eyelashes. She thought of her own children, her two daughters. She could NEVER bring herself to harm a child,              living or dead. 

          It was difficult to listen to him DEFEND his actions, and as he c o n t i n u e d to do so, she turned her back to him. Not in an act of defiance or to shut him out, but because she could not FIGHT the water gathering in her eyes, threatening to spill down her frosty cheeks. Of course, she understood. It was n e c e s s a r y. But that didn’t make it ANY easier to digest. And she kept her back turned to him,              until the very last two words that fell from his lips. Slowly, she turned to look at him, and she didn’t even try to hide the water in her eyes. And for the first time since the massacre, there was not ANGER in her eyes as she looked at him. But f e a r instead. 

      The silence that sat between them now was louder than any screams he had heard before, and the heaviness in his chest was as odd and painful as the thought of her becoming one of them.

Now that he and Karsi had a moment to themselves, Godric knew what conversation was coming.  He chewed his bottom lip, ran his tongue over his teeth, tried to think of what to say.  There was no easy way to simply ask someone if they were all right after having been seconds away from becoming the frozen, walking dead.

He listened for a few moments to the others moving about Castle Black.  Coming here again filled him with both a sense of familiarity and a sense of dread.  He had broken his vows — but he had never truly chosen them.  Godric had been left at the Wall as an infant; the Watch raised him and he never knew any other world but theirs.  

No one had said anything to him so far, and for that, at least, he was grateful.  

“Karsi,” he began, but hesitated on what to say next.  What he’d done to save her, what they’d both seen — that wouldn’t go away overnight. “… what’s on your mind?”

          She had danced with DEATH with an unfaltering rhythm. While sharp flakes of snow and ice scratched against her face, and the wind threatened to push her off of her feet, she stood her ground. The sharp blades of her battle axes dug into undead FLESH and bone, and with every SLAUGHTER, she cried out from the exertion of killing what was already dead again, and again, and a g a i n. Not once did she miss a step until she came face to face with three children,             as undead as the rest,             but children n o n e t h e l e s s. With bright blue and cold eyes, they stared at her, and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t move a muscle. She couldn’t harm a child. And she SURRENDERED. 

          That is, until a bright flash of light and flames incinerated them, and all she could do was SCREAM. She fell to her knees, her weapons lost in the dirt and the snow, and she fought against the arms that tried to r e s t r a i n her. For a moment, she was numb to what was happening around her. She didn’t have a single fight left in her. She didn’t even r e m e m b e r making it back to the ship. All she could see were those faces, and how they looked when they were scorched. In that moment, she didn’t see the enemy DYING. She saw children being murdered.             And those flames were conjured by her own mate’s hand. 

          She had never e m b r a c e d her own children tighter than in the moment that they were reunited on the ship, and she hardly dared to let them out of her sight ever since. She fussed over them, she COMFORTED them, and she hardly spoke a single word to Godric. It was inevitable that they would find themselves alone in d e a f e n i n g silence,             and when they did, her eyes bore into his with a pained wrinkle between her brows at that VAGUE question that fell from his lips. 

✿  five times my muse almost texted yours, and the one time they did.

▲  five time my muse thought about kissing yours, and the one time they did.

☠  five times my muse thought about hitting yours, and the one time they did.

★  five times my muse though yours looked breath-taking, and the one time they voice it.

❤  five times my muse says they don’t love yours, and the one time they admit it.

▼  five times my muse has caught yours getting off, and the one time they help out.

♫  five times my muse swears it’s not a date, and the one time it maybe is.

☪  five times our muses almost hold hands, and the one time they do.

☁  five times my muse has thought about yours, and the one time they do something about it.