Xasin & co

Fast forward to the present. I haven’t had an anxiety attack for like… 2 years now. The anxiety is pretty low! And I legitimitely thought I had gotten better.

Until I realized something. You see, a few years ago, when Phi first arrived, she took it as her role to be some kind of my “common sense” whenever my thoughts would explode from anxiety. “No, keys”, she’d say, “the sink will not freeze over and explode if you put the frozen lasagna to unfreeze on it” (im not making this up). Her totally logical mindset was a great help.

So, now, I had reached a point where I thought I was better! I thought the anxiety was gone! But I realized that it actually didn’t. It’s just… Phi’s talk got so ingrained into me that now I simply do it to myself automatically. Whenever an anxious thought comes up, there’s an immediate logical response. It’s like a filter. I call it the Phi Filter. Or philter, if you will.

This morning I was feeling a lot better but I was still a bit “out of it”, in a feverish state.

And this morning, in a perfectly clear and lucid voice, I asked Chance this question, being 100% sure that it made sense: “Good morning, Chance. Do you like lobsters?”

Have you ever accidentally said, “we” instead of “I” around a singlet and what were the results? 

Tl;dr: We got our tulpa research, which reflects very positively on the community, published. Enjoy ^^

says “cool beans”

does finger guns

says “coolio”

“my guy”

“my dude”

ironically said “get rekt scrub” and now can’t stop

“ayyeee” 

Give them a good home in the form of a calm and pliable mind.

Feed them only the finest attention and compassion you can afford.

Take them out for walks regularly so they can enjoy the great outdoors along with you.

Play with them every now and then to bond with them and to teach them valuable skills.

Give them the room they need to develop into their own unique individuals.

I have a difficult time sitting still for very long to force. I feel like I’m being lazy or that I could be doing other things when I sit and actively force. So Shadow and I came up with an alternative.

This originally started as a visualization exercise. Being a writer, I had been writing about him before he was created. So I started a new piece but it’s not a story, there is no plot. It simply starts with me alone in a small unfurnished white room, describing everything in painful detail and when I’m ready, I had him appear and explained his appearance in long drawn out detail.

From there, it’s simply us taking turns manipulating the rooms appearance and slowly turning it into a new wonderland. (If only he knew the meaning of ‘simple’) and then it will be our interactions throughout this new wonderland.

It takes much longer but some find it easier to visualize something they are reading. So when you read it back, you are forcing in a way. Or for those who visualize best when hearing a story, record yourself reading it aloud.

When I woke up I asked Ceren if it was him (considering that he’s been practicing to enter my dreams, but it happened only twice so far - and one of them was lucid!), but he told me that he wasn’t him. I felt… strangely sad for that reason? I was almost 100% sure that it was him, but on further inspection, I noticed that I wasn’t feeling his “presence” inside the dream, like I usually do when I meet them in my dreams. But still, it felt incredibly nice. It’s like my mind is accepting the fact that I can rely on them?