a m s

Backwards.

I'm unhappy. I'm unsure of the direction of my life. I've admitted to myself and to others that I'm suffering from anxiety and depression. I'm in love with someone that doesn't feel the same. I'm struggling to get past that. I'm not okay. And that's okay.

This is our last goodbye I hate to feel the love between us die But it's over Just hear this and then I'll go You gave me more to live for More than you'll ever know This is our last embrace Must I dream and always see your face Why can't we overcome this wall Well, maybe it's just because I didn't know you at all

And there goes my life, Passing by with every departing flight. And its been so hard, So much time so far apart. And will things have changed? I guess I'll find out in seventeen days. But I will see you again, I will see you again, a long time from now.

You can only take being lonely, so long until you break. And nothing ever heals, you're just lucky if the pain fades. I'm done dreaming like a fool. I ain't fooling no one. I ain't fooling you.

I need to learn to love me. I need to stop this suicide machine. I need to learn to love me. I need to stop this destruction.

I'm embarrassed, I'm weak. I can barely stand on my own two feet. Searching for signs to tell me I'm fine. Searching for signs to keep me alive.

I want to sleep because being awake is tiring. But I'm reluctant to sleep because I feel I'm missing out on potentially productive time. Even though when I'm awake I have no motivation to do anything.

So let me just try To explain what's been on my mind In my defense there's some things I wish I'd never said There's a thousand things that you'll never get If a picture's worth a thousand words I'll picture an invitation to let you in I wish you could see inside my head To answer all of the questions that you have And I'm sorry about the promises I said I would but I never did I was wrong I wish you could see inside my head

So if I call, should I beg? Because I'm desperate here; a couple steps from the edge. I can't seem to burn bright enough. I'm cold and I'm left alone. We're all alone. Grab a hold. I know I said to not. What the fuck do I know? I had a chance to construct something beautiful and I choked.

Got out of bed this morning and made it to work. Minor victories.

I've said it so many times before, but I really am going to start trying to use this as more of an outlet for the written word. Not even necessarily to share lyrics, just to get things out of my brain. I feel like as soon as you put an emotion/statement/opinion on the internet these days, someone will criticise you. At least if I do that through here I know nobody will be reading it who gives a fuck.