hi ya'll i'm back i know .. it feels like its been a while and i haven't given you an update on anything that's going on and a lot is going on friend.. let me start out with how are ya? you drinking enough water friend? and you know who this is for as usual the 1 or 2 random people on the internet bored enough to find this and read it.. as always thank you for your brain space.. anyways i moved i know .. i moved again.. but this time i moved to a city that i can actually see myself living in longer than a year i hated the town i was living in but i don't think i'm writing this cause i wanna talk about my town i m writing this at 2:17 am cause i just got off the phone with my mother and she like made me miss my ex? i'm realizing i'm so avoidant like and i cant help it and i don't really know if i wanna change cause yeah right in this moment i miss him and i want nothing more than to be with him but i still just don't think him and i would work... like he was supposed to come see me valentines day weekend but i had just moved into my new place i haven't had my hair or nails done in weeks i don't even have a shaver to my name cause i had to give up everything in my old place to move into my new place .. and i will admit that i didn't go about it the right way when i was telling him that we should push things back with us a little bit more.. give me like 3 weeks to really get comfortable in my new life.. i didn't do that.. i threw a fucking fit and i could feel him trying with me and its like i couldn't help myself but to freak out.. i'm terrible at communicating and i wasn't always like this like.. i think i might have to go back into therapy honestly.. im here feeling sorry for myself for what reason i dont even know .. i think im under a spell