Emotional Virgo

Attempting to find your courage is often a difficult endeavor. Butterflies flutter in your stomach as you obsess over the smallest choice. It’s simple, really. When you hold someone’s hand all you’re really doing in lacing your fingers with theirs and lightly squeezing. At least that’s one way to do it. However, overthinking your hand holding style defeats the purpose of reaching over and committing to the act.

Now, this really shouldn’t too complicated. She’s right beside you. Oblivious to the fact that your mind is racing over holding her damn hand. It would be so easy to brush beside her and take it. Confidence would go a long way. She chatters about something on her mind. Only a few things stick as you try your damn hardest to compose. She’s super excited about the podcast she recommended. Telling you about the wild shit she’s experienced and how she loves it when men take control.

 “Yeah yeah yeah. I hear you.”. He mutters back.

His hands in his pockets so he doesn’t accidently make an awkward attempt. She famously rolls her eyes. Nearly mirroring an emoji, one would find on a smart phone. “A girl’s gotta eat you know.”

 The funny thing about this is that you know she’s talking to someone right now. Well not literally, but there’s always another guy. Despite your efforts. But here you are with her for once and trying to prove why you would be better for her. Not that holding her hand would mean anything other than she would look at you annoyed and probably tolerate it until you stopped. Maybe this wouldn’t be the best idea. You look at her and admire her for a moment. Confused why you wanted her so badly. She doesn’t care much. Not nearly as much as you.

“You know, I think I need to head out. A lot of work to do at home.” You explain. 

Looking for an out as your thoughts get anxious. She stops and looks up at you. Looking almost as if she has some concern. 

“Get out of your head and enjoy the day. If you keep having expectations, you’ll only be disappointed.”

You swear she must have read your mind. Clearly, she knows how you feel. That only makes the anxiety worse. 

“No. I really do have to get going. It was a nice walk. I’m happy with my book.” You gesture to your other hand, the one that knows exactly what it should be holding. 

She sighs and nods. “Okay, bye.” 

And that was it. She kept walking. Obviously frustrated with how that turned out. You know better than to call after her because you know it won’t go the way you want. She feeds off attention and there’s always going to be another guy. So, you turn yourself around and head back to your car.