DA DA DA DA feelin MAH

And sometimes its very white

Now, you can blame that on the lighting if you want, but I know a certain red-eating vampire who seems to have mentioned wanting to drink the red from her pretty pink face. 

The answer to this first one determines whether or not we need to ask more questions: Can The Distortion still be considered Michael Shelley? If he wasn't, if the "real" Michael is dead, then we could move on easily. Unfortunately, this question is completely unanswerable, so in true Jewish fashion, we must ask more.

Does the Distortion have the soul of Michael Shelley? Are they still fundamentally the same person, despite not considering themselves to be? Something like how in seasons 4 and 5, Jon seems to consider himself a different person than who he was in the early seasons, or how Helen Distortion originally still considered herself to be Helen Richardson, but later did not anymore despite not physically changing. If so, the Distortion would probably be Jewish.

Is Michael still conscious somewhere in the Distortion? Can he still sometimes tell what's going on, but has no control over his actions? If so, the Distortion would not be considered Jewish, but the soul of Michael Shelley and the body that he inhabits, despite not looking like Michael Shelley anyone, would still be. This would be considered similar to a case of possession by shaydim, or evil spirits (not demons, since there aren't really demons in Judaism).

I would like to note that I'm not in any way am expert with my two years of yeshiva, but I do have two brothers that went through smikhe (the qualifying process to become a rabbi), and I will consult them a bit on that

Ok let's entertain these questions

The logistics of a Jewish distortion, let's firstly determine if he stays jewish

Assuming Micheal Shelley was born Jewish then possibly

But this is dependent on what is the distortion

Is the distortion Micheal, or is it just in Micheal image, I vote the latter as it makes things more complicated, in this case a case could be made the Micheal is a type of dibuk, dibuk in simple terms is a type of possession thing, when an unholy soul latches on to a person

now, if he is an unholy soul thing, youd think there'll be geeyur problems, at least if I'm taking the ultra Orthodox type of geeyur, which for the sake of making things more difficult I will (but to be clear all form of geeyur are valid), so let's prove two things for this purpose, one can an unthinking creature be Jewish, the distortion acts on animalistic nature, and can a creature with such lack of autonomy be Jewish, well- yes, in the gmara there is an example of a donkey of one of the rabbis being shomer mitzvot

במסכת חולין מסופר על רבי פנחס בן יאיר שבדרכו לעסוק במצוות פדיון שבויים, נקלע לאכסניה אחת, ושם הגישו שעורים מאכל לחמורו, וסירב לאכול, ניפו את השעורים וסירב לאכול, הסירו את כל הלכלוך מהשעורים, והחמור עמד בסירובו לאכול. אמר להם רבי פנחס בן יאיר: שמא לא עשרתם את השעורים?

Which means, that even if you didn't have to, you can keep the mitzvot, even if you are basic donkey

Another thing that we need to prove is that a creature whose life is rooted in some other god can be Jewish, to that I have two arguements

One, the spiral is not a god, because it's not worshipped as one, and so working it is not avoda zara

Two, we know from there being a precursor, that demons can be keeping Torah and mitzvot, or at least that they can learn torah, in fact in the most famous story of the king of the demons in Judaism, where king Shlomo captured ashmedai king of demons, it's mentioned he learns Torah in metivta derakia or basically where god himself teaches torah

Furthermore, what is the nature of a tma entity, well, the rashbam says about the pasook (verse) אלה אלהיך ישראל אשר העלוך: וכי שוטים היו שלא היו יודעים שעגל זה שנוצר היום לא העלם ממצרים? אלא כל עובדי ע"ז יודעים שאלקינו שבשמים ברא את העולם, אך בזה היו טועים, שהתרפים יש בהם רוח טומאה כמו הנביאים שיש בהם רוח הקדש, וסבורים שהעגל שהיה מדבר ברוח הטומאה כאילו היה מדבר ברוח הקדש של מעלה, ולכך אומרים אלה אלהיך ישראל אשר העלוך, כלומר רוח הקדש יש בו וכאילו רוח הקדש הולך לפנינו, וכן לבן אמר על התרפים למה גנבת את אלהי, ולנסות בו את ישראל נתן בו רוח הטומאה של מיני מכשפות, ואוב וידעוני נתן כח בו להכחיש פמליא של מעלה ולהגיד נולדות, לדעת אם יהיו תמים לה' אלקיהם ולא יהיה בהם מעונן ומנחש ומכשף, ולא מאמין לאות ומופת של נביאי רוח הטומאה כדכתיב כי מנסה ה' אלקיכם אתכם לדעת אם ישכם אוהבים את ה' אלקיכם וגו', וירע משה את העם כי ברע הוא:

This basically says, that people with power that are persecuted as avoda Zara, such as witches, draw their power from a "spirit of tum'ah" which is accepted to be referring to what's called סטרא אחרא Aramaic for "other side" in kabbalah this is often interpreted to be just a part of god

The thing is, the Jewish command for witches is to kill, and if so then avatars that worship their entities and use it's power are to be killed, but in this hypothetical scenario Micheal!distortion does not worship the spiral in any way, this also gives potential for orthodox Geeyur process (again not that it's necessary to be Jewish)

I actually did it, I'm here to release my wonderful presence onto timblr dot com. How did you ever survive without me.

He/him pronouns, in the most masculine and binary way you can conceive of.

Irrelevant limelight hogs, Dirk Strider kinnies, women, people who fuck plushies without express consent, Dirk Strider splinters, Roxy (you know what you did), don't fucking interact with me. Fuck you.