Suggestions from the First World War

Lament the sudden transfer of your Scottish compatriots, and make up for your sad lack of pipers by angering a goose and pointing it toward the enemy.

Give a whole new meaning to the name ratatouille

wistfully regale your commanding officer with tales of chasing hogs through the new forest

use your gas mask box as a container for sandwiches

end up having the devil’s own with the Censor’s office on account of your prolific letter-writing

argue with the parson on matters ecumenical 

accidentally shoot your beater

have an affair

curse your father

turn to drink

develop a cocaine addiction

good sir what ever happened to that suggestion for us to be absolutely filthy and live in squalor i need to show it to my captain to avoid delousing

become impervious to polite hints

develop a newfound affinity for woodwork

purposefully hide items of paperwork to bemuse your incoming staff officer