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AND THE NOMINEES ARE,

- JOHN LAURINAITIS, DYNAMIC DUDE OF THE YEAR, 2011

1998. Stone Cold stuns Vince McMahon and a new era in WWF history is born.

There are many rules in the world of wrestling. One of the main ones, which extends to the soon to be 32 team playoff NFL and 150 country World Cup land of sports, is "less is NEVER more". Another rule is "if in doubt, if something worked before, do it again". Extreme Rising, coming to an ECW Arena near you, 2014.

So, in the years following Vince versus Austin, we've had a vast glittering array of authority versus anti-authority feuds, from Vince versus Hulk Hogan and Mr. America, to Vince versus Undertaker, to Vince versus DX, to Vince versus Bobby Lashley. Not to mention GM Angle versus Eddie Guerrero, GM Heyman versus Cena, GM Bischoff versus Austin and even GM Austin versus Chris Jericho in the ultimate switcheroo. And trust me when I say, the list goes on.

In 2011, a new rivalry was born. The Executive Vice President Of Talent Relations And The Interim General Manager Of Monday Night Raw himself, Mr. John Laurinaitis, was a bit of a stick in the mud. A fuddy duddy. A corporate suit, a figure of authority type guy. CM Punk, well he was a free spirit. He had no time for authority. In fact you might go so far as to say he was anti authority.

What followed were months of Big Johnny being called "clown shoes" by Punk, until Laurinaitis moved onto a new dispute with fellow rebeller against authority John Cena, which friendly reminder, actually did good business.

Punk did at least show Laurinaitis the respect he truly deserves once, by honouring him with a Lifetime Achievement Slammy. Okay, maybe Punk wasn't being completely on the level, but that's okay. Fake award or not, there's one made up made up award Punk can't take from Big Johnny. Best Raw General Manager and person for whom Twitter rightly explodes whenever he makes a cameo.

- DENNIS MILLER, RAW GUEST HOST PROBLEM IN A NUTSHELL OF THE YEAR, 2009

The phrase "he went into business for himself" is thrown around in wrestling. Now, not being a professional wrestler, I of course have no idea what this means. But Dennis Miller might.

The 2009 Slammy show might go down as one of the most arduous 3 hour Raws to get through. If you think things are bad now, the last half of 2009 was so, so much worse. But give a healthy assist here to the guest host of that year's Slammys, who clearly wished he was anywhere but there handing out press slamming gold statues on a pro wrestling show. After the usual glowing introduction and the requisite claim from Jerry Lawler that "this guy is one of my ALL TIME FAVOURITES!", Miller took half hearted award show banter to a whole new level. To his credit, he did find his level early, by starting off with a poop joke. But as the show wore on, it clearly started to dawn on him, those jokey jokes of his weren't gonna work on people who showed up to watch a wrestling show.

King exhausted his fake laughter during the opening 'comedy' 'bit' (both words in finger quotes for different reasons) and the crowd exhausted what enthusiasm they showed up with wondering "when's the wrestling going to start", which helped lead to large, painful portions of the show being greeted with utter silence. More-so than usual. Look up 'hot opener' in the wrestling dictionary and you won't see 4 minute (it was only four minutes?!) monologue from Dennis Miller.

To be fair, he was there for a good cause, if not for a good time. But by the time he introduced Triple H as "The Show", The Show had fallen off the rails. If Miller was hoping for a call back for a recurring gig as host and I'm guessing he wasn't, HHH thanking "Dennis Milburn" for the great introduction was a bad sign. But, oh, there was still plenty of time for things to go further downhill.

Uttering the immortal line "we're 2 hours into our 17 hour extravaganza" with the sigh of a man who'd spent most of those two hours arguing with his agent, Miller introduced Vince McMahon, who according to Miller had apparently tried to give him some "comedy notes" earlier in the night. A fact I have no problem believing and a conversation which would have been the most entertaining thing on the show had it aired. What did air was entertaining too, from Cole and Lawler's knowing amusement, to Vince making sure to point out some guest hosts were better than others and stare at Miller, to Vince openly burying the quote "lousy audience" for being so quiet.

The guest host concept faded away in early 2010. Maybe, just maybe, Dennis Miller ignoring Vince McMahon's advice on comic timing and delivery had something to do with that.

If so, thank you Dennis.

Thank you so much.

- BATISTA, RELEVANT POP CULTURE REFERENCE OF THE YEAR, 2009

Okay, so maybe the 2009 Slammys weren't all bad.

- JIM DUGGAN AND HARLEY RACE, BEST SUPPORTING PERFORMANCE BY A LLAMA, 1987

Just incase you were starting to think "boy, everything was better in the old days".

Now on the surface this was just a simple fight between feuding wrestlers over the everyday dispute of hard working everyman refusing to bow in front of curly haired old man dressed in a crown and robe in public. That is until the fight spills backstage, causing the male make up artist to throw his hands up in the air, scream and run away. No stereotyping there.

With Gorilla Monsoon doing impromptu roving commentary, Heenan takes a comedy pratfall into a bin and Duggan and Race brawl next to a donkey and boxes of chickens.

Live chickens.

Maybe PETA weren't around in 1989. Maybe everybody was just a little more mellowed out in the 80s and didn't worry about animal safety so much. But Duggan gets thrown into boxes with live chickens inside. Then tries to hit Race with a box causing a chicken to make it's escape before being blasted over Harley's head. As best I can tell, no reason for there being chickens and a DONKEY backstage is given, besides Gorilla remarking "chickens, donkeys, at the Slammys, I don't understand that all!" Would WWE get away with such lack of attention to detail today? HIGHLY unlikely.

The fight continues on and Heenan almost gets thrown into the donkey, allowing Monsoon to claim he'd made an ass out of himself and thus revealing the probable real reason there was a donkey backstage. They fight into the "electrical utility area", which is assume is right next to the external occipital protuberance and Monsoon voices his concern that someone might get electricuted, while making sure to mention Brutus Beefcake is on stage presented the award for "Best Head".

I don't even want to know.

Race goes through a table as only he can, comedically. As a kid who wasn't familiar with NWA Harley Race, I always thought he was the goofiest looking wrestler. Meanwhile, a llama is lead by, as a tease of what might be to come later. Stay tuned for that! They brawl through about a dozen commercial breaks and Duggan pushes a conveniently placed stack of boxes onto Race and Heenan after being locked into the dreaded electrical utility area. Damn boxes.

They fight into the women's locker room in a scene right out of the 80s. Heenan is attacked by an old woman. Duggan takes a bump onto an abandoned sofa. This has it all folks. It inevitably turns into a food fight, thus ruining the Christmas party set up. Monsoon spares a thought for the cast, the wrestlers and their wives and girlfriends. Finally the never ending brawl makes it back onto the stage and Duggan chases Race, who over the course of this brawl somehow looks more ludicrous than he did in a cape and crown, away. Duggan at least makes it back in time to get his Slammy for 'Greatest Hit'.

And the llama? Who knows.

- TODD PETTENGILL, THE ENJOYING THIS A LITTLE TOO MUCH MOMENT OF THE YEAR, 1996

One thing the Slammys had then as opposed to now were musical numbers. Perhaps this is a statement on the dumbing down of award shows in general, or perhaps the idea of Vince McMahon singing a solo with Hulk Hogan on the sax brother was less weird in the 80s as opposed to the 2010s. Now obviously, Stand Back has been properly parodied and is depending on your viewpoint the apex or the nadir of Slammy performances, right?

Wrong.

As a child of the early 90s, Todd Pettengill has a special place in my memories. His positive energy and excitement for all things WWF carried those Free 4 All countdown shows that were tacked onto the start of VHS releases for years. He could do it all. Interviewer, commentator, PPV hype man, video game strategy expert.

And entertainer.

http://www.wwe.com/videos/slammy-moment-no-8-todd-pettengill-performs-at-the-1996-slammys-8809412

What. The. HELL.

The song starts out normally enough. A takeoff on Hooray For Hollywood, telling us how great WWF Superstars are and taking a fairly unwarranted shot at the Grammys. So far so good. Then, things get weird. Todd lulls us into a false sense of security with a peppy, positive pro WWF rabble rouser of a song, before a sultry guitar riff kicks in as Todd under very little provocation tells us all just how sexy Shawn Michaels is.

When 1996 Shawn Michaels is pulling this face at something you've done you know you've crossed a line. But wait, because Todd hasn't got to the part about Shawn's thong underwear yet.

Turns out this is a musical montage about a number of WWF Superstars, but I'll be honest, the Adams Family inspired Goldust song loses a little of it's impact when your mind is still thinking "did Todd Pettengill really just call Shawn Michaels a stud and a hunk after talking about his thong underwear and waving his butt LIVE on USA?" The rest of the number is the kind of am I really watching this, did this really happen performance for which there really are no words. But just like his PPV countdown show shills, boy does Todd not hold back. A cabaret performance for the ages, which ends with Todd serenading Sunny and her double D breasts to the tune of Beauty And The Beast.