simedecapitaranestosaldria

Since my dad died, I no longer have any free medical services. I have been with excruciating pelvic pain for a month, I walk and the right side of my abdomen hurts. I hate being poor, I can't even go to the doctor, I can't go home, I just want to die, but I think about my cats all the time. It is not new that my mother does not care, since I was a child my parents have ignored me, insulting me, always saying that I would not be capable of anything and it is so deep in my subconscious that my heart hurts, I wish someone had appreciated me when my parents did not, the only one my grandfather and he died and now that I know all this I constantly fight to improve, to love myself more and something in me continues to sabotage me, I wonder if it is too late, I feel that I am a burden, I feel it is impossible for me that someone loves me, I don't believe them when they tell me and I end up ruining everything, I just want to continue creating love, help those who want to, see the hills, laugh with children, make my art, I am so sensitive that I cry every day thinking about how the world is in chaos and most of them suffer from not being able to eat, be healthy, work on their dreams, why didn't I die peacefully when I cut my arms? What am i still doing here?